We are learning how to add detail (to paint a picture in the reader's mind)

In the school holidays Jackson came to my house. I was so excited for him to come over, we were going to pick him up early, but my mum had a meeting at school. I was furious because we had to go with her. Waiting for mum  felt  like going on a car trip for 3 hours, even though it was 1 hour. Then finally I heard footsteps in the corridor. I said “come on we have to go to pick up Jackson”, I zoomed to the car I said “hurry up” we boosted to Jackson house. I said to Jackson “it is so good to see you, come on let's get in the car”.  After we got in the car we went to the hairdresser. My sister and I  got a cool haircut, then we went to my house. I showed him my axolotls and my goldfish then I showed him my pupps. We have 9 of them. We played on my PS4 for 3 or 2 hours. When we were nearly going to go we played with the pupps for like 30 minutes and then we had to leave.

🌟.good job with feeling words thanks

Maybe try and add more verbs like I zoomed the car.

Feedback - Excellent job adding in some detail about how you felt - furious.

Feedforward - Can you please re read and see if you can add in your fullstops.