Le Cocu

Comme elle n'aime pas beaucoup la solitude
Cependant que je pêche et que je m'ennoblis 1
Ma femme sacrifie à sa vieille habitude
De faire, à tout venant, les honneurs de mon lit.

Eh ! oui, je suis cocu, j'ai du cerf 2 sur la tête
On fait force de trous dans ma lune de miel
Ma bien-aimée ne m'invite plus à la fête
Quand ell' va faire un tour jusqu'au septième ciel. 3

Au péril de mon cœur, la malheureuse écorne 4
Le pacte conjugal et me le déprécie
Que je ne sache plus où donner de la corne
Semble bien être le cadet 5 de ses soucis.

Les galants de tout poil 6 viennent boire en mon verre
Je suis la providence des écornifleurs
On cueille dans mon dos la tendre primevère
Qui tenait le dessus de mon panier de fleurs. 7

En revenant fourbu de la pêche à la ligne
Je les surprends tout nus dans leurs débordements
Conseillez-leur le port de la feuille de vigne 8
Ils s'y refuseront avec entêtement.

Souiller mon lit nuptial, est-c' que ça les empêche
De garder les dehors de la civilité ?
Qu'on me demande au moins si j'ai fait bonne pêche
Qu'on daigne s'enquérir enfin de ma santé.

De grâce, un minimum d'attentions délicates
Pour ce pauvre mari qu'on couvre de safran 9
Le cocu, d'ordinaire, on le choie, on le gâte
On est en fin de compte un peu de ses parents.

A l'heure du repas, mes rivaux détestables
Ont encor ce toupet de lorgner ma portion
Ça leur ferait pas peur de s'asseoir à ma table
Cocu, tant qu'on voudra, mais pas Amphitryon. 10

Partager sa moitié, est-c' que cela comporte
Que l'on partage aussi la chère et la boisson ?
Je suis presque obligé de les mettre à la porte
Et bien content s'ils n'emportent pas mes poissons.

Bien content qu'en partant ces mufles ne s'égarent
Pas à mettre le comble à leur ignominie
En sifflotant " Il est cocu, le chef de gare... "11
Parc' que, le chef de gar', c'est mon meilleur ami.

The Cuckold

Since she doesn’t enjoy solitude much,

While I’m away fishing and dignifying myself,

My wife gives herself over to her old habit

Of doing the honors of my bed to all comers.

Well, yes, I am cuckolded, I have horns on my head

They poke holes in my honeymoon

My beloved doesn’t invite me to the party anymore

When she takes a stroll up to seventh heaven.

Putting my heart in jeopardy, the wretch breaks apart

The conjugal oath and devalues it to me

That I no longer know where to put my horns

Seems pretty much to be the least of her cares.

Boyfriends of all kinds come to drink from my glass

I’m the provider to the freeloaders

They pick from my backside the tender primrose

Which was holding onto the top of my basket of flowers.

Returning, exhausted, from my day of fishing

I surprised them completely nude in the midst of their excesses

Advised them to wear the grape leaf

They stubbornly refused to do it.

Does defiling my nuptial bed prevent them

From displaying outward signs of civility?

They should at least ask me if I had had good fishing

They should deign to inquire about my health.

Mercy! A minimum of delicate attention

For this poor husband that they cuckold!

The common cuckold is pampered and spoiled

Until they finally become a bit like one of the family.

At the mealtime hour, my detestable rivals

Have the nerve to ogle my helping

They wouldn’t be afraid to sit at my table

Let me be a cuckold, but I won’t be Amphitryon.

Does sharing my wife give them the right

To also share my food and drink?

I’m almost obliged to throw them out the door

And be happy if they don’t carry off my fish.

I’d be happy if, when leaving, these boors

Don’t absent-mindedly cap off their ignominy

By whistling, “The station master is cuckolded”

Because the station master is my best friend.

1 Compared to what’s happening at home, anything he did would be “dignifying”.

2 Antlers were considered to be the emblem of the cuckold.

3 In various of the world’s religions, there are seven “levels” of heaven, each increasing in divinity. The last one is the attainment of orgasm.

4 “écorner” means, literally, to break the horns of something.

5 A “cadet” is the younger of two siblings.

6 “de tout poil” (literally, “of all hairs”) refers to all colors of hair, i.e., blond men, red-haired, etc.

7 A somewhat coarse metaphor, likening his wife to a flower while she’s spooning with him and gripping his thighs.

8 Since the late Renaissance, the grape leaf was used to cover the genitals of statues and paintings in order to avoid shocking the spectators.

9 Literally, "cover with saffron". Saffron, when wetted, becomes yellow, which was considered the color of cuckolds.

10 Amphitryon was a Theban general, later King of Tirynthe, who had married Alcmene, who bore him two sons: Iphicles, by him, and Heracles, by Zeus. Thus, Amphytrion was “cuckolded” by a god. Furthermore, Amphytrion had fought in the Trojan War and was reputed to have lavishly entertained Telemachus, the son of Odysseus, when the latter came to inquire of the fate of his father.

11 The refrain from a popular song dating back to World War I. The idea is that the (train) station master, who often had to work evening hours, was liable to be cuckolded by his wife, who knew where he would be at what times.