Interrogation Tuesday (2018.09.04) Results

Pick one of the following:

General observations:

The fortune cookie fared better than I expected, but I can see why some might choose it, whether they open and read it right away and carry on with their life in total Edward Bloom-esque confidence or keep it unread as a future option.

I was also a little surprised at the unpopularity of the glass vial and its contents. As I see it, its creepiness isn't really immediate or threatening. It's a sealed container, which you can put in more containers if you want to be extra safe. I guess if you find made-up German particularly upsetting or have a compulsive habit of drinking everything that comes in a vial, this wouldn't be a great choice.

Tied for second place are the bucket of human teeth and the piñata full of spiders. They were tied (or nearly so) every time I checked the ongoing results. I'd definitely go for the teeth—there's so much arts and crafts potential in a whole bucket of them—but if I had any enemies whose birthday parties I might plausibly attend, that might change my preference.

And now for your explanations of the choices you made (lefthand column) and my responses (righthand column), grouped by the chosen item.

   A glass vial containing a dark, viscous fluid, bearing a label with faded, spidery script that appears to say 'Träumeschmerz':

I'd make someone drink it

How does that interaction work? You trick them? Physically force open their mouth? However you intend to do it, it sounds like a lot of effort for an uncertain payoff.

Teeth. Shudder. Stale Cookie. Blegh. Spiders. Nope.

The least of four evils, then?

I can hide it in the back of a cupboard and pretend I never saw it

Makes sense.

I don’t feel like I have to do anything with the bottle



I'm guessing this is your explanation for your answer to the other question?

Ignorance is bliss

Ignorance of ignorance is (unjustified) bliss. Known ignorance is constant anxiety.

No matter what the liquid is, it seems the least disturbing. Ive had many nightmares about losing all my teeth, had spiders climb up my bare legs while driving, and dont want to know when i will die.

Fair enough.

Seemed spooky

And the other options didn't?

I like potions

You've come to the right place!

I don't really have anywhere to put the bucket, and I can't keep filling up storage with useless bullshit, but to be honest, I really do want the teeth. Additionally, I have Celiacs, so I can't have fortune cookies, plus I'd like to leave it a little open-ended anyway. A vial of Träumeschmerz sounds right up my alley, and if I want to drink it, I won't have any problems with that. Lastly, I am not a fan of animal cruelty, and some of those spiders are bound to die upon repeated impacts.

All of your reasoning is perfectly sound, and I appreciate your compassion for spiders.


   A piñata full of spiders:

I can burn it with fire


because it's supposed to be fun for kids, but instead it's the pinata's revenge for beating it to death

I'm a big fan of the "if I'm going down, I'm taking you with me" philosophy.

Why not choose the one option I can't control?

But what if you could control the spiders? Would that not make this an even better choice?

It could have been two pinatas *shudder*

Two piñatas. Why didn't I think of that?

It sounds both entertaining and the least terrifying option

Fair enough.

There's nothing supernatural, occult, mysterious or macabre about a piñata full of spiders.

...that you know of.

So I can set that shit up on fire

Too late, the spiders got out and have spread to every corner of your home.

Spiders are friends and I’m not really interested in tetanus, sadness, or nightmares right now.

Fellow spider-friend here. Good call.

Spiders are excellent, especially when they come with a handy carry case!

I like the way you think.

The Golden Rule, I hate spiders!

Are you saying the golden rule is "I hate spiders" or that you chose it because of the golden rule and your hatred of spiders?

spiders keep the bugs away

Good old spiders.

read this and the top comment.

That was a wild read. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.


   A rusty metal bucket full of human teeth:

I like teeth. I have all of my baby teeth made into a necklace.

That's rad.

They were left over from someone I really hated.

A whole bucketfull of teeth came from one human? You had a formidable foe.

I think it's the least uncomfortable for me.

"Human teeth: for your comfort"

I’ve been wanting to make human tooth dolls and other human tooth art for a long time now but was unsure how to acquire human teeth. You’ve solved all my problems.

I wish to purchase your human tooth art.

It seems like the most useful

So many teeth, so many uses.

I could just leave the bucket full of teeth on a shelf in the closet and forget about it.

Until it falls off the shelf when you're digging for something else, spilling hundreds of teeth directly onto your head.

I do not ant them to die, just wish they were dead. As the line from Princess Bride says "To the pain"

I'm guessing this is your explanation for your answer to the other question?



Id probably love to shake the bucket to hear the teeth rattle

A fun toy for all ages!

I can lure in the tooth fairy and capture her

Go for it.

My third cousin's ex-wife's brother in law was a dentist so I stole the teeth.

Makes...sense...I guess.

So I can finally prove that I am the tooth fairy!!

This is literally the only evidence anyone has ever needed. And now it's yours.


A stale fortune cookie that contains an accurate description of the time and cause of your death:

It would be useful to know? Or maybe I should go with the spiders....

Could be useful. But then again, so could the spiders.

I wouldn't have to read it. I would just have it.

That way, you have it!

I'd love to know time of fresh. Think of all the living you can do right up to then!

"Time of fresh" is fantastic. The fortune cookie contains your use-by date.

Most practical for planning purposes

Hooray for practicality!

I want to know, hopefully it's soon lol


I want to plan for the inevitable outcome.

Very responsible of you.

I love fortune cookies

That's a fine reason.

I already had one tonight.

a fortune cookie or a death?!

I have no use for the teeth. I dream vividly enough already. I live in a basement apartment so I have enough spiders. I am cool with the fact that I'm gonna die but it'd be nice to know when and how.

Solid reasoning.

If in doubt, pick B

I thought it was "when in doubt, pick C". This is why my life is such a mess.

I'd just eat the cookie and not really read the description probs

Free cookie!

A lot would say they don't wanna know when they die but they must not have anxiety about it all the time like I do. Plus I love stale cookies

Double win.

If you dont think im gonna party before im dead


The bucket only has monetary value to the Tooth Fairy. I'll skip the vial as I'm not into BDSM. My wife is arachnophobic, and I don't want to sleep outside the rest of my life. The fortune is actually useful, as it makes it easier to plan things like a retirement budget.

Fair enough.

I don't know what I'm picking it for, so at least the fortune cookie could be helpful.

Good point. Everyone else just assumed they were picking it for themselves.

It would help me determine a good retirement date.

Very practical of you.

I think I'd like to know that.

Could be nice.

So that right before I die, I know I'm gonna die.

Might give you a chance to say some good final words.

I mean maybe if I know I can avoid it.

Maybe so. If not, at least trying will keep you occupied.

The person I had in mind had an msg allergy, the same would go well with the swollen tongue she would be enjoying while reading the cookie <I'm so evil>

Allergies are serious business. In the real world, please don't play with something that could put a person in the hospital or kill them.

I can at least eat the cookie and become content with my ultimate demise

Eating fortune cookies does that to me sometimes, too.

I don't have to explain myself


What's the nicest thing you've ever done for a person or people you disliked?

(I’ll add my own comments later today if I get a chance—I have a lot going on at the moment)

I dislike almost every customer and i am a paragon of customer service does that count
Customers are the worst and you are a saint for being polite and helpful to them.

Baked them cookies (without bodily fluids or poison in)
That’s my favorite kind of cookies!

Had them over for Christmas

Gave her a house
I think that goes well beyond ‘nice’.

picked up litter dumped by people who seem to empty their cars out into my local beautiful park
You are magnificent. Thank you for being you.

I chose not to sue them. Yay.
I hope that situation turned out well for you.

I vacuumed the whole dining hall, which abnormally messy, with the crappy vacuum our boss was supposed to have replaced, having turned down the dollar she offered me to do it, because she told me absurdly late into the shift, almost half an hour after work.
That was pretty low on her part, but good on you for being the better person.

Held the door open for them.

answered their emails...
        That’s a big deal. I don’t even answer emails from some of the people I like.

given them a not-terrible Christmas gift

Found common ground.
Good thinking.

Wiped their butt clean
Wow. That’s beyond nice.

Forgotten their existence
Sometimes that’s the best thing to do.

Help them with money
Very nice.

I have befriended ALL of the girls that boys rejected me in favor of 🙃
        This somehow feels both nice and Machiavellian. Good going.

Maybe forgiving them, although that was sort of self motivated too
Still counts! You are nice.

given them a piñata full of spiders
I understood that reference!

I was pretty nice to [redacted]
[Redacted] was not an easy person to be patient with. Nice.

Didn't report their shitty behavior.
I hope they recognized your merciful act for what it was, but either way, you are nice.

I helped HR Kathy understand LinkedIn
Does exposing more people to LinkedIn really count as nice? I’m kidding. Sort of.

Forgive them.
Not easy to do. Nice.

Put up with them

Been kind and patient
Nice by definition.

This is really corny and weird and probably self righteous but I'm so tired and sick so I'm gonna go ahead and save forgave them
You’re not alone with that response. And forgiveness doesn’t have to be self-righteous. Good on you.

Offer them my food
Nice. Especially if it was good food.

Convinced her to go out with her current boyfriend, who shes been seeing for 3 years
Sounds like that worked out well.

Killed them with kindness. 😏
Not a bad way to go, relatively speaking.

I can't think of anything. Doesn't seem in character for me to do.
You responded to my Interrogation Tuesday even though you didn’t have to, and that was nice of you. Although I guess I don’t know whether you like/dislike/are indifferent to me.

Kept my mouth shut.

Didn't tell him what I really thought of him romantically
There are so many scenarios I’m imagining to fit this response. Whatever the story is, nice.

I continued to work for them.

Not punched throats
Not being punched in the throat is one of the greatest gifts a person can receive.

Driving them to a place they needed to be

Decided not to murder them
Probably for the best.

Not publish the truth
Not knowing the backstory, all I can say is that I hope that ended well for you.

I regret to say I can not remember anything specific.
Maybe your memory is just extra humble.

I do love silence in general, although I have the feeling this is a specific silence similar to some other responses here.

Does it count if it was someone I usually love and get along with but at the time really truly and completely despised them? Since this is just me writing on a google form, imma go ahead and say it anyhow I suppose - allowing them to cry on my shoulder while I pet their back soothingly all the while thinking ''ugh gross.'' does that bely my intentions and was that actually ever even nice to begin with then WOW this got real existential crises real fast, is that the point of these interrogation tuesdays??
        Of course it still counts! Maybe even more so because it was difficult and unpleasant. And existential crises aren’t necessarily the main goal of this exercise, but I’d call them a welcome side effect.

Worked for them

Not sworn at them
Not un-nice.

Probably bought a birthday cake.
That was nice of you.

Helped them clean up a mess at work and run their equipment.
Very nice.

Explained to them why they are wrong
It may not have been welcomed or accepted in this instance, but as a person who wants to be less wrong, I consider this extremely nice.

Pretended to forgive them
If you’re good enough at pretending, that’s nice.

Bought them food.

Can't remember.
I’m going to assume it’s happened and your memory is just being modest.

Gave them money


        Good old nothing. The eternal void. Nice.