Tales From Grevelon
Season 1 Outtakes: Oops All Bloops!
Official Transcript
Katie:
Hey folks! While we’re on hiatus between seasons, I threw together some of our best Tales From Grevelon outtakes. Two notes:
One: This sound [Chime] means we’re moving on to the next outtake, and this sound [Ascending chime] sort of means, “Later that episode…”
Second note: A few of these outtakes are a little blue. No cursing and nothing worse than, “Falace,” in my opinion, but just wanted to give a little heads up for anyone who needs it.
That’s all. Hope you enjoy!
[Chime]
[Thomas poorly starts singing the Tales From Grevelon theme song]
Katie:
[Overlapping] -that’s not funny and you shouldn’t do it. Unless it’s your Tale Keeper.
Samkit:
Was that the theme song in your mind?
[The players mock Thomas for their rendition of the theme song]
[Thomas finishes the theme song they started earlier]
Talya:
Ding!
Samkit:
Okay, we should use that instead of the actual theme song for this episode.
[Thomas laughs]
Thomas:
No!!
Talya:
Thomas Version. From the Vault.
Katie:
[Chuckling] TV. Tales From Grevelon TV.
[The cast laughs]
[Chime]
Katie:
Oh, do you want me to do the music?
Thomas:
You-you've just been doing it, so I thought you were going to do it.
Katie:
I just feel like we've already listened to it today.
[Samkit chuckles]
Thomas:
Okay, sure.
Katie:
So, like, I feel like we’re good, you know?
[Katie chuckles]
Thomas:
Hel-whoa! Hold on.
[Thomas chuckles]
[Katie plays the TFG theme]
[Samkit and Thomas laugh]
Talya:
Yeah!
Samkit:
[Overlapping with the music, laughing] Katie, good bit.
Talya:
[Overlapping with the music] When do we get a club remix of the Tales from Grevelon theme song?
[Katie beatboxes and mimics a record scratch at the end of the TFG theme song]
[Chime]
Thomas:
Hello and happy holidays, folks and friends, and welcome to Tales from Grevelon.
[The TFG theme song plays]
[The cast breaks into raucous laughter]
Katie:
[Drowned out by the music and laughter] No, no wait!
Talya:
We’ll fix that in post. We’ll fix that in post
Maya:
[Laughing] We're getting played off already.
Katie:
[Laughing] I forgot I had to turn it off. It’s on a loop unless you turn it off.
[Chime]
Katie:
[Overlapping] Okay, can we all-can we get quiet so Samkit can give his formal apology?
Thomas:
Yeah, sure.
Katie:
And here we go.
Samkit:
[In a very low, gravely voice] Hi, I’m really sor-
[Katie plays the TFG theme song]
[The cast laughs]
[Chime]
Thomas:
Elephantfolk, I think, gets the idea across best, maybe.
Talya:
I really love how hard Thomas hi-hits the L in “folk.”
Thomas:
Folk.
Katie:
[Mimicking Thomas] Folk.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] So good.
Thomas:
I'm from the south.
Samkit:
Like yolk. How do you say-how-what-what's the yellow thing in the middle of an egg?
Thomas:
[With a hard L] Yolk?
Katie:
[Mimicking Thomas] Yolk.
Talya:
No. No. Actually, you say yolk?
Thomas:
What?
Katie:
Say it again.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yolk!
Talya:
Wait, what's-what president-. What's the president's name, James K. __?
Thomas:
Polk.
Talya:
Okay, that's actually normal.
[The cast laughs]
[Chime]
Thomas:
You-you walk up-
Talya:
[Overlapping] Can I just say? In a world of, like, fantasy with bears, why did they give hacker the-, like, wh-why?
Katie:
Because it's not-Honey Heist is not-doesn't necessarily have to be in a fantasy world. It’s, like-
Talya:
[Overlapping] I guess that’s true.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] It’s normally in our world, like-
Katie:
[Overlapping] -bears in our world.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Yeah, yeah.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] -the bit is that it's happening, like, in New York City or, like-
Talya:
[Overlapping] Oh okay.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Mmm.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] -in, like, Boise, Idaho.
Samkit:
Those were the two. Those were the two your mind went to.
[Katie and Maya laugh]
Talya:
[Overlapping] Crazy. Crazy options.
Samkit:
[Overlapping]
New York City and Boise, Idaho.
Talya:
[Overlapping, laughing] Boise, Idaho.
Katie:
[Overlapping, laughing] Boise, Idaho.
[Chime]
Thomas:
Yeah. I mean, yeah. Talya’s right. They're not adjectives. I got to give that to Talya.
[sizzling sound in the background]
Talya:
Are you okay?
Evan (Talya’s partner):
[In the distance] Yep, I was just being dumb.
Talya:
Okay, Evan was being dumb.
Thomas:
Okay. Cool, cool, cool.
Samkit:
[Joking admonishingly] Evan.
Katie:
And you're not used to that?
[Thomas LOSES it, the rest of the cast laughs]
Talya:
[To Evan] Katie says, “And you’re not used to that?”
Thomas:
[Overlapping] He’s not even on the podcast.
Evan:
[In the distance] Why is she so hurtful?
Samkit:
[Laughing] Why is she so hurtful?
[Thomas laughs]
Talya:
That’s funny.
[Chime]
Thomas:
Yeah, we have created-
Katie:
I mean, you can say something. Odds are it will be fine-
Talya:
[Overlapping] It will be fine.
Katie:
[Overlapping] -within the established world of Grevelon.
Talya:
Well, waterfalls apparently weren't fine.
[Katie and Samkit laugh]
Thomas:
That was the one. That was the one where I was like there’s no-
Samkit:
[Overlapping] No, no, no, we were-
Katie:
[Overlapping] That was perfectly fine!
Thomas:
[Overlapping] It was perfectly fine!
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Katie and I were laughing at-Katie and I were laughing at, “What do you want to see in this big city?” “Waterfalls”
[Talya chuckles]
Katie:
[Overlapping] A waterfall.
Talya:
[Overlapping] What’s wrong with waterfalls?
Katie:
[Overlapping] It was-no, it was good because it’s fantasy, so-
Talya:
[Overlapping] I didn’t know it was a big city!
[Talya chuckles]
Katie:
[Overlapping] Of course there would be-of course there would be waterfalls in the fantasy city. That's so beautiful and special.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Yeah. I love it.
Talya:
It could even be upside down, like, backwards water-
Thomas:
[Overlapping] I said it was a massive city state.
Talya:
I didn't listen.
[Thomas and Samkit laugh hard]
Katie:
And that's on you, Thomas. And that's your fault.
[Chime]
Talya:
But something about this being bread and the birder’s found a bread head.
Katie:
Wait.
Talya:
They're both bread.
Thomas:
That's coincidence.
Talya:
Oh.
[Katie laughs]
[Chime]
Thomas:
It's like two archways obscured in-or, like, one archway bisected, obscured with mist.
Samkit:
Mmm.
[Pause]
Katie:
Wait, what?
[Chime]
Thomas:
It is almost twilight, and the deadline is the break of dawn.
[Katie and Samkit giggle]
Talya:
I hate this.
Samkit:
You-
Katie:
Before this episode, Samkit was making Twilight references, and Thomas was like, “I'm not making Twilight references on my podcast.”
Thomas:
And I'm not! I’m listing points in time.
[Ascending chime]
Thomas:
You get-you climb up-you all see, like, you've seen Lenral climb before. It's always surprising how quick he is.
Katie:
You know how, like in Twilight, how they climb the tree?
[Katie and Samkit laugh]
Talya:
Just scaling trunks.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] No! Stop!
[Chime]
Thomas:
This person would look very cool in a Hero Forge maybe.
Katie:
Don't bait them.
Thomas:
[Overlapping, laughing] I'm not going to bait them, no.
Katie:
[Overlapping] That was so transparent.
Thomas:
[Overlapping, laughing] That was-that was horrible. That was-
Katie:
[Overlapping] Disgustingly transparent.
Thomas:
[Overlapping, laughing] Cut that. Cut that.
Talya:
The fanart discord is blowing up as we speak.
Thomas:
It’s blo-Whoa, there’s so many notifications right now while we're recording.
Katie:
[Overlapping] How did they know? We don’t do this live.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] How did they know?
Samkit:
They felt a disturbance.
[Ascending chime]
Samkit:
Dragon head?
Thomas:
[Laughing] Dragon head, yeah.
Katie:
I think, I think it was very clear, Samkit.
Samkit:
I-
Katie:
[Overlapping] I don't know what you’re confused about.
Samkit:
I was so lost.
Thomas:
You see, Vendley trying to-
Katie:
[Overlapping] That would be a great hero forge-sorry.
[The cast laughs]
Samkit:
[Laughing] Sorry.
[Chime]
Thomas:
Just a whole, like, variety of makeup and outfit. So much filigree-
Katie:
[Overlapping] This would look really cool as a hero forge mini.
[The cast chuckles]
Thomas:
Oh, you're allowed to say it?
[Katie chuckles mischievously]
[Chime]
Paatarak [Samkit]:
Do you have a scene partner?
Havil [Thomas]:
Yeah-
Paatarak [Samkit]:
[Overlapping] I'm friends with a very good actor.
Havil [Thomas]:
My-my partner's going to be a scene partner for me.
Paatarak [Samkit]:
Oh great!
Katie:
[Overlapping] Lenral and Ash are looking at each other like,
Lenral [Katie]:
You? You? Me?
Talya:
[Overlapping, laughing] Which one of us is the actor?
Lenral [Katie]:
[Overlapping] You? Me?
[Chime]
Thomas:
And, I need to make a choice here, and I'm going to take a minute to think about it.
Katie:
Great.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Ash.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Take your time.
Talya:
[Overlapping] The choice is Ash. Pick Ash. Pick Ash.
[Katie and Samkit chuckle]
Katie:
Hmm. Which PC am I going to kill this episode?
[Katie and Talya laugh]
Thomas:
Yeah.
Katie:
Am I going to furder?
Samkit:
[Chuckling] Jeez.
[Chime]
Talya:
[Overlapping] For audiences at home-
Samkit:
For the listeners at home-
Talya:
75% of this group are stage managers
Thomas:
[Laughing] And 25% has been stage managing for ten years.
Talya:
That one's Katie.
[The cast laughs hard]
Samkit:
That's why we didn't include her in the original.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Yeah, yeah for sure.
Katie:
75% are just the plain old ones, and then I've been doing it for years.
Talya:
[Laughing] For years.
[Chime]
[Distant motorcycle sound while Talya speaks]
Talya:
Ashallynniamehra Ginggleppossumm, a-oh, goodness. I was looking at the wrong thing-
[Katie and Samkit laugh]
Talya:
What?
Katie:
You had that motorcycle-
Samkit:
[Overlapping, laughing] Did a bear growl?
Katie:
[Overlapping] -in the background.
Talya:
Oh yeah, a motorcycle. Okay, you heard that? Okay, I'll take it from the top then.
Katie:
[Laughing] Okay, you heard that?
Talya:
You heard that?
[Chime]
Katie:
Lenral Lyndambar. [Pause] I almost said, “A fairy talent agent.”
[The cast chuckles]
Thomas:
[Laughing] Oh no, we’re falling apart.
Ash [Talya:]
[Overlapping] Len, how many times have I told you, do not try to steal my clients.
Lenral [Katie]:
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
[Ascending chime]
Samkit:
Paatarak, an el-I was about to say, “Elven handy person.”
[Katie laughs]
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Focus! Up!
Katie:
[Overlapping] We’re all just influencing each other.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Guys, actually-
Katie:
[Overlapping] This is the body swap episode.
Talya:
[Overlapping] -this made me decide Ash’s new career choice. She's going to become an influencer.
[Samkit chuckles]
Katie:
I thought you were going to say an arcartographer’s assistant, just to close the circle, but okay.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Just to close the loop.
[Chime]
Katie:
-great yeah.
Talya:
[Overlapping] You're welcome.
Katie:
Thank you.
Thomas:
Thank you. Thank you, Talya. Thank y-hey, Talya? Thanks.
Talya:
You're welcome.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Hey Talya? Thank you.
Talya:
Thanks for saying thank you.
Samkit:
Hey, Talya. Thanks.
Talya:
Thanks, Samkit!
Thomas:
You have-
Katie:
Hey, Talya? Hey, hey, Talya?
Samkit:
Hey, Talya?
Samkit, Thomas, and Katie:
[In unison] We love you.
Talya:
[Cringing] Oh my god, why?
Talya:
Where did that come from?
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Reference to episode four.
Katie:
Talya doesn’t listen to this podcast.
Thomas:
She doesn’t listen to the podcast.
[Chime]
Thomas:
Give me a moment.
Katie:
No, you get-let-you want us to give you something else.
Talya:
Yeah.
Thomas:
Give me a sec.
Katie:
No.
Talya:
[Overlapping] No.
Katie:
I think there's something else you want us to give you.
Samkit:
Yeah.
Thomas:
Give me a beat?
[The cast beatboxes poorly]
Talya:
We're-we're men of simple pleasures.
Katie:
We’re just normal men.
Samkit:
Yeah.
Talya:
We're just guys. We're just lads.
[Chime]
Thomas:
And I don't have the copypasta for this. Hold on. Give me a sec. I need to open up-
Talya:
[Overlapping] The what?
Samkit:
[Overlapping] You call it copypasta? Your script. Your script that you just-that you write?
Thomas:
[Overlapping] That's Leo's fault. Leo calls it copypasta.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Your precious script.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Blame Leo.
Katie:
Do you want to know my favorite copypasta?
Thomas:
What?
Katie:
“Hey, I am driving right now and listening to tales from Groveland and is it weird that when I listen to the show I don't think of Patrick as myself as me. I think of them as a guy on a podcast that I find funny because I find my own dad jokes very funny is that weird? I don't know. Let me know all right I'll try. I'll see you this evening. Bye.”
[Thomas and Samkit chuckle]
Thomas:
That was a text Samkit sent to me from a text to speech thing-or a speech to text.
Talya:
I thought you were going to say that shape of pasta that you were eating the other night and we texted about, Katie.
Katie:
Oh, gemelli?
Talya:
Yeah, that one.
[Talya chuckles]
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Mmm.
Katie:
Talya and I were watching Ravening War, and then they were talking about gemelli, and then I was making that same pasta for dinner. And it was crazy.
Samkit:
[Deli Katzon impression] YOU LIED!
Katie:
[Deli Katzon impression] YOU LIED!
[Normal voice] Okay sorry Thomas.
Thomas:
Forrrrrr-
[Chime]
Thomas:
This is a,-like, a-
Lenrawr XD [Katie]:
[Overlapping] Try 8-0-0-8-
Thomas:
[Overlapping] -hand pad.
Lenrawr XD [Katie]:
[Overlapping] -5.
Talya:
This is a family friendly show, Lenrawr.
Frank Lee J'uhztibär [Maya]:
No, try 8-3-
[Chime]
Thomas:
And I did a little write up of the Forgenne Diplomacy pact that I'll send later.
Talya:
What?
Katie:
What?
Talya:
What? How do you have so much time? You’re in grad school.
Thomas:
It wasn’t hard to do. I just looked at, like, the Forgenne lore-
Katie:
[Overlapping] A diplomacy pact is nothing. That's an afternoon. Not even. That’s a lunch break.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] No, it took me-
[Chime]
Lenral [Katie]:
And, oh, I wonder if those would count as two different jobs.
Katie:
Flips through the-
Lenral [Katie]:
Wa-wait. Hookie Nookie. Hookie Nookie.
Hookie Nookie [Thomas]:
Yes, that would count as two separate jobs.
[Katie gasps]
Thomas:
No wait. Hold on, retcon that. I meant to say the opposite thing.
Katie:
[Overlapping] No. Nonono. You said it. You said it.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] No, I didn’t-
Talya:
[Overlapping] I was there. I heard it. I heard it.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Nooooo!
Samkit:
[Overlapping] I heard it. I heard it.
Talya:
[Overlapping] I heard it.
[Chime]
Katie:
Can I just say we all-we all were here-were there on that night. We all went to Not Another D&D Podcast’s live show together. And Brian Murphy signed the top of this dice box for me and he did so and then warned me, “This is cursed, now. Don't roll your dice on this, it is cursed.”
Talya:
And you maxed.
Katie:
“-it is cursed.”
Talya:
[Overlapping] But you maxed.
Katie:
I did try to use this for D&D once, and it did not go well. I did not roll well.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] It went poorly.
Katie:
I use this for every episode of Tales from Grevelon, and I think I've only hitched once in all these episodes-
Samkit:
[Overlapping] And you’ve maxed, like, twice at this point.
Katie:
-and I’ve maxed twice.
Talya:
You can't be playing D&D for fun. You have to be playing D&D for views.
[Thomas laughs]
Katie:
No, I think Cortex. It’s just he's cursed for Cortex-
Talya:
[Overlapping] Oh okay.
Katie:
-or no, cursed for Dungeons and Dragons, but Cortex? Brian Murphy is blessed. So, thank you Murph.
[Chime]
Thomas:
Yeah, the dog’s not lasting more than this episode, but-
Talya:
That's fine.
Samkit:
How are you going to justify the dog disappearing?
Katie:
[Overlapping] Are you going to kill the dog?
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Are you going to kill the dog?
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Am I going to kill the dog? NO!
Talya:
[Referencing Brennan Lee Mulligan] He’s going to kill that dog.
Katie:
[Referencing Brennan Lee Mulligan] Kill that dog.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] No. Listen-
[Chime]
Lenral [Katie]:
We don't have any speaking plants.
Paatarak [Samkit]:
[Sounds like it’s autotuned singing] Oh, nooo.
[Katie laughs]
Lenral [Katie]:
Hmm. Okay, Ash-
Talya:
Give that-wait. Can we-can we hear that again clean?
Katie:
Yeah, can we hear that clean?
[Thomas chuckles]
Samkit:
[Laughing] Nope. Can't do it again. Can’t replicate it.
[Talya and Samkit laugh]
Katie:
Sounded like almost autotune. [Singing] “Oh, noooo.”
[Chime]
Katie:
All right, I'm going to use my distinction Everyone's Neighbor. Um…I don't know.
[Silence]
[Samkit laughs hard]
Talya:
No makes sense.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] No, that works, yeah.
Talya:
[Overlapping] That tracks.
Katie:
Seems like it works.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Katie:
You figure it out. It's open to audience interpretation.
[Chime]
Paatarak [Samkit]:
I think this book might be a little more nonfiction fiction.
Ash [Talya]:
That's just-that's just non. Isn’t that just non?
Paatarak [Samkit]:
Yeah. It's like non.
Ash [Talya]:
Like the bread?
[Chime]
Ash [Talya]:
There's only so much that-
Talya:
What was I going to say? Hold on.
Katie:
I like how you looked around like it just like flew away out of your head and you're trying to find it.
Talya:
You never know. You don't know what's, what's on this ceiling.
Katie:
Yeah.
[Talya and Thomas chuckle]
Samkit:
I guess we don't-
Thomas:
[Overlapping] I guess we don’t.
Katie:
[Overlapping] We’ve never seen it.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] -and that makes me a little nervous.
[Chime]
Katie:
So Ash, do you want to give a different word?
Talya:
Yeah, yeah, I'll give a different word. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay.
[Silence]
[Katie quietly laughs]
Kelp [Leo]:
She's been staring out that window for-
Samkit:
[Laughing] For the listeners at home, Talya-
Katie:
[Overlapping, laughing] Talya-
Samkit:
[Laughing] like the cat staring out the window meme, has just been-
Katie:
[Overlapping, laughing] Talya turned and started staring out the window. We thought she was frozen. She was just staring out the window. During our podcast. Literally looked like she was waiting for her husband to return from war.
[Chime]
Katie:
I guess why is any-why would anyone go to a festival to-oh, maybe I could come up with something that the festival…I’m going to do the Talya thing where I just turn away for a second.
Talya:
[Laughing] I did it once!
Katie:
Just stare out the window.
[Ascending chime]
Talya:
I'm trying to think of a midpoint-a midpoint between what I said the first round and the second round. Give me a second. Gotta look to the side for a minute.
Katie:
Yep, yep. Look out the window.
[Chime]
Katie:
Oh, I'm frozen, aren’t I?
Talya:
Oh. No, you’re not.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] No, you're not. I think Thomas might be.
Talya:
Oh, I don't think she can hear us. This is so interesting.
Talya:
[Laughing] Katie can’t hear us. [typing] We can see and hear you.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] This is a problem.
Katie:
[Overlapping] I hate when people can hear me and see-oh, I hate that!
[Talya and Samkit laugh]
[Chime]
Frungul [Thomas]:
When the festival does come around, he does sing a little song, yes.
Paatarak [Samkit]:
Does he have the pipes of an angel?
[Katie snorts]
Frungul [Thomas]:
He's a good singer, yes.
Ash [Talya:]
That is a good question, Paatarak.
[Chime]
Talya:
I also do want clarification.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Talya:
Are we sure that none of the three of us are birderers?
[Pause]
Katie:
Talya, that is a great question.
[Chime]
Lenral [Katie]:
And you picked the me-sized yo-yo. Why was that?
Ash [Talya]:
We're the same size.
[Samkit and Thomas laugh]
Katie:
We are not, and you know it.
Talya:
What’s that supposed to mean?
Katie:
[Laughing] In the lore, Ash is fully aware when people are bigger than her.
Talya:
[Overlapping] That’s true. That’s true. Ash’s-Ash-that's true. I have to take that out. That’s, like, yeah.
Katie:
It was funny though.
[Chime]
Katie:
Sorry. I was just picturing a bird going down cop slide.
[Katie and Talya chuckle]
Thomas:
You know what? I actually like that. Hold on.
Katie:
Wait, what?
Thomas:
No, that's very funny. They-
Katie:
I mean, a slide is basically a ramp and, like-
Thomas:
Yeah, she says,
Jererero [Thomas]:
Well, if you can make it, like, slide that I could, like, make it stairs sometimes or something or-? Like a ramp.
Lenral [Katie]:
[Overlapping] Yeah. Like a-like a real shallow, shallow incline.
Jererero [Thomas]:
[Thomas is chuckling] Yeah. Like a-like a 200ft, very shallow incline.
Lenral [Katie]:
[Overlapping] Like a 200-yeah, it’s going to start way on the other-
Ash [Talya]:
It could spiral.
Lenral [Katie]:
[Overlapping] Yeah, no it'll spiral.
Ash [Talya]:
It’ll spiral.
Lenral [Katie]:
We’ll have a-we’ll make-we’ll have it spiral.
Paatarak [Samkit]:
Yeah.
Jererero [Thomas]:
Okay.
Lenral [Katie]:
[Overlapping] At this point, it might just be easier to do stairs, honestly.
Jererero [Thomas]:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
[Katie and Samkit laugh]
Lenral [Katie]:
I feel like with the spiral you have to like warp-bend the wood, and…I'm just gonna make stairs.
[Chime]
Thomas:
-which is to backtrack your way through yesterday's travels.
Samkit:
Oh, I thought you were going to ask us a question like-like what-like what's two plus two?
Talya:
[Quickly] Four.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Sorry.
Katie:
No calculators up her sleeves.
[Talya chuckles]
[Chime]
Katie:
The Frince is missing.
Talya:
[Trying to form a joke] The Frince is misses…
Katie:
I don't think this is anything.
[Samkit laughs]
Talya:
Okay. Sorry.
[The cast laughs hard]
[Chime]
Katie:
As soon as I said, I knew that even-not even the character, but I knew that Thomas the person would be like, “Wait, you don't sit in the front of the room?”
Samkit:
Yeah.
[Katie and Samkit chuckle]
Samkit:
I saw the look on their face.
Thomas:
I was like, “Okay...”
[Chime]
Ash [Talya]:
And I thought I could share with you some tidbits.
Havil [Thomas]:
I would love to-to…
Thomas:
I'm not going to say that. I was going to say, “Experience all your bits.”
[The cast laughs]
Katie:
[Overlapping] I just want-
Thomas:
Nope. That’s not it.
[Chime]
Paatarak [Samkit]:
My-a couple cousins and I were going out and looking for a…Schnigiddidong?
Samkit:
No. Can’t.
[Katie chuckles]
Talya:
[Overlapping] That sounds too-
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Can’t do that.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Nope. Absolutely not.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Nope. Nope.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Absolutely not.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Take that again.
Katie:
Vetoed.
[Chime]
Paatarak [Samkit]:
I'm not going to tell him any of this.
Vendley [Thomas]:
Well then, I appreciate your [beat] tight lips.
[Katie and Talya immediately cringe]
Thomas:
No, that felt weird.
Samkit:
[Overlapping, laughing uncomfortably] Terrible.
Talya:
[Overlapping] I didn’t like that one bit.
Samkit:
[Overlapping, laughing uncomfortably] Terrible. So bad.
Talya:
[Overlapping] I didn’t like that not one bit.
[Thomas chuckles]
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Please never say tight lips again.
Thomas:
[Laughing] I won't.
[Chime]
Lenral [Katie]:
Using this banana peeler.
Katie:
Sorry, the timer hit one hour and it scared me.
[Katie and Samkit laugh]
Katie:
There were just, like, so many zeros. I was like, whoa.
[Chime]
Thomas:
Not to comment on Paatarak’s acting. which we'll leave to the side because that's not what's important here.
Samkit:
I would like the listeners at home to note that I am offended.
[Samkit chuckles]
[Slight pause as the cast tries to understand what Samkit said]
Katie:
That you're what?
Thomas:
That you’re what?
Samkit:
Offended.
Thomas:
Oh, I thought you-
Katie:
[Overlapping] I thought you were going to say-
Talya:
[Overlapping] I would like the listener-
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Did I cut out? I was like-I thought that was gonna be funny and no one laughed.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] -were going to say, “I am a fantastic actor.”
Katie:
[Overlapping] -”I am a fantastic actor.” Exactly. It sounded like you're gonna say “I'm a fantastic actor,” but then you just stopped at “I am offe-”
[Talya and Samkit laugh]
[Chime]
Lenral [Katie]:
Yeah, I didn't know I had a talking book. I would have given it to Ash, so she could have someone to talk to.
[Thomas and Samkit laugh]
Thomas:
Oh wow!
Ash [Talya]:
Oh, that’s so nice. Look at you fixing friendships. You’re creating friendships!
Lenral [Katie]:
Doesn't count.
[Chime]
Havil [Thomas]:
[Quietly, hyping self up] Henlock. Yeah. I'm in. I'm in it now. Okay.
[Talya laughs]
Talya:
Get out of it.
[Katie and Samkit guffaw]
Katie:
Get out of there!
[Chime]
Ash [Talya]:
What if it's, like, time?
[Silence. Cold, hard, lonely silence]
Ash [Talya]:
No? Tsk.
[Chime]
Talya:
Just to cover all bases, Ash says,
Ash [Talya]:
Time.
[Katie snorts]
Talya:
Does anything happen?
Katie:
And everyone heard her and everyone was listening.
[Samkit laughs]
Talya:
Everyone heard her.
[Talya chuckles]
Thomas:
Everyone heard her, yeah.
[Chime]
Thomas:
Yeah, I'll be honest. I missed it and heard the aftermath of the joke.
Samkit:
Oh, okay.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Not the joke itself.
Katie:
Alright. Well, I feel better now. Thanks.
[Thomas and Samkit chuckle]
Katie:
Now, I know how Talya feels with, “Time.”
Talya:
Thank you.
[Chime]
Thomas:
Yeah, what’s up, Katie?
Katie:
So-
Thomas:
Do we have vineball canon that we're ignoring?
[Katie and Samkit chuckle]
Katie:
I don't know how much I've actually canonized. I always pictured vineball as, like, they're swinging on vines-
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Mmm.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Okay. Got it.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Ohh. Tarzan.
Katie:
-carrying a ball, and I think I have previously said things that had to do with swinging on vines.
Thomas:
So yeah-
Katie:
I don’t-whether or not the ball is actually made of vines-
Talya:
[Overlapping] Egg on your face, Thomas.
[Katie and Samkit laugh]
[Chime]
Thomas:
As Prince Shaelin Isledone- [pronounced EYE-uhl-dun]
Katie:
Isledone [pronounced ICE-uhl-dohne]
Thomas:
You pronounce ot Isledone [pronounced EYE-uhl-dun] in season two, episode two. That is how it is pronounced.
Katie:
Because I know you said you listening, but-
Talya:
[Overlapping] Get ‘em. Get ‘em.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] I was listening, and I transcribed the pronunciation because I was like, “I need to know how this is pronounced.”
Katie:
Did you listen to the second time it's mentioned?
Thomas:
I only listened to the one that Maya was in.
Katie:
Yeah, that was the first one, but-so now I'm wondering if I, like, switch it up because I'm definitely thinking Isledone [pronounced ICE-uhl-dohne].
Nebolee [Maya]:
[from phone] -Pernard Isledone [pronounced EYE-uhl-dun], who was born into the royal family-
[Dear Liisphyra episode continues in the background]
Katie:
Maya says Isledone [pronounced EYE-uhl-dun]. I think I might have changed it.
Thomas:
Maybe fairies pronounce it Isledone [pronounced EYE-uhl-dun]
[Dear Liisphyra Episode running in the background]
Talya:
Yeah, it's like an accent thing.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Liisphyra [Katie]:
[from phone] -Prince Laeres Isledone [pronounced ICE-uhl-dohne] with-
[Katie and Samkit chuckle]
[Dear Liisphyra episode continues in the background]
Samkit:
[Laughing] Oh, no.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] It is two different pronunciations.
Katie:
Stick with the one that Maya said. That's hilarious.
Thomas:
That's very funny.
[Ascending chime]
Katie:
That is not how you spell Forgenne.
Thomas:
That's how it's spelled-oh, it's two ns.
[Katie chuckles]
Talya:
Nice.
Katie:
Hah! Can’t get me twice. Only once.
Talya:
[Overlapping] When the creator of the series knows about it, that's good.
[Samkit laughs]
[Chime]
Thomas:
Yeah-yeah, Talya?
Talya:
I want to do a fun bit. I think it'll add to the podcast. It’s not a shenanigan. It's just a fun bit.
[Samkit is quietly laughing]
Thomas:
[Overlapping, laughing] Okay.
Katie:
It just worries me that you're asking for permission to do it.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Katie:
[Overlapping] What could this be that you're asking?
Talya:
I want Ash to start pretending she's the anchor of a show called Screw Watch.
Thomas:
[Laughing] Sure. Yeah. Please. Please do it.
Talya:
Is that okay?
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yes.
Katie:
[Overlapping] I mean, I would at least love to see what it is. I can't promise I'll keep it in the edit, but I would love to see it.
Samkit:
Wait. If you're the anchor, can I be the the-who's-who's the woman-
Talya:
[Overlapping] You’re the guy on the scene.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] -Vanna White? Can I be the Vanna White?
Talya:
[Overlapping] Well, you’re the guy on the scene.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Why is Vanna-
Samkit:
[Overlapping] To your Pat Sajak? Can I be-
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Why is Vanna White here?
Samkit:
[Overlapping, laughing] -the person pointing out the screws-.
Katie:
[Overlapping] What is this show? Is this a game show or a news show?
Thomas:
Yeah, is this-?
Talya:
This is-wait, I have okay-I think-I've changed my mind. It's going to be a Lenral Watch show, and then I'm going to be the main anchor.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Talya:
And then Paatarak’s going to be the special-the special on-site Screw Watch reporter.
Katie:
I was like-I feel great about this.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] I love that. I love that.
Katie:
We’re not even an hour yet and we're already on our first job. I feel like we're actually in a really good place for this.
[Samkit bangs his hand on the table]
Samkit:
Ow!
[Katie laughs]
Thomas:
Hey, Katie, knock on wood, please.
Samkit:
I just hit my hand on wood so it might-
[Chime]
Paatartak [Samkit]:
Everyone has some kind of history with birds. What's your history with birds?
Katie:
Well, Paatarak doesn't know that.
Thomas:
Yeah. That's true.
Samkit:
No, actually good point.
[Chime]
Ash [Talya]:
I feel like every time I show up someplace, Penjica is always there, and every time I offer something, she also offers the same exact thing.
Katie:
Well, canonically, that's never happened before.
Talya:
I know!
[Chime]
Jererero [Thomas]:
[Laughing] Oh, thank god we're on the opposite side of the continent from Forgenne.
Lenral [Katie]:
Never mind. I don't know where we are.
Samkit:
HA!
Thomas:
[Overlapping] It’s to the south of-
Katie:
[Overlapping] I listen when Thomas does settings.
Talya:
Oh my goodness.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Oh, I think-
Samkit:
[Overlapping, laughing] Katie's one goal for the episode.
Katie:
[Overlapping] My one goal.
[Chime]
Katie
Max, max, max.
Talya:
I did not max.
Katie:
I hate it that, like, HBO has ruined-ruined this for me.
[Thomas and Samkit laughs]
Katie:
Now, it just sounds like I’m making sponsored content every time someone rolls.
Talya:
[Overlapping] I have to beat-
[Chime]
Talya:
I'm going name drop. There was this kid in my high school named Kenneth [Dong sound] I called-
Katie:
[Overlapping] You went to school with Kenneth [Dong sound]?
[Thomas chuckles]
Samkit:
[Overlapping] THE Kenny [Dong sound]?
Talya:
Hold up. Do not-
Katie:
[Overlapping] Samkit knows him as Kenny.
Talya:
[Overlapping] -do not Google him.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] We’re close personal friends.
Talya:
[Overlapping] He is-he is a super Republican-
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Oops.
Thomas:
[Overlapping, chuckling] Oops. Not the cold open.
Talya:
[Overlapping] -like, Trump supporting-he was on Fox News. He's been on Tucker Carlson.
Katie:
Samkit, you're best friends with this guy?
Thomas:
[Overlapping] You’re best friends with this guy?
Talya:
[Overlapping] He did-
[Samkit laughs]
[Chime]
Talya:
That's the prophetic wisdom.
Katie:
How-yeah, explain-because I think that was off mic. Explain how Ash is prophetic?
Ash [Talya]:
Yes of course. Happy to.
Katie:
Yes.
Ash [Talya]:
I know what I'll be doing before anyone else does.
[The cast chuckles]
[Chime]
Katie:
Sorry. I was just thinking about Shawn Spencer and Miss Marple and Charlotte Illes at dinner together.
Samkit:
[Overlapping, laughing] -in a room? Yeah. That would be chaotic.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Now that’s a fanfic I’d love to read.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Cut this out but dream blunt rotation?
[The cast laughs]
Samkit:
Honestly? Yes.
Thomas:
Honestly? Yes.
[Chime]
Thomas:
Crintop’s Carnival of Curiosities
Talya:
How many Qs are in this?
Thomas:
Zero.
Talya:
Oh good. Okay.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] I don't know. Sometimes with you.
Talya:
Throws in an extra Q.
[Thomas chuckles]
Thomas:
Yes, there’s a q.
Talya:
Lighting designers be like…
[Thomas and Katie laugh]
Samkit:
Good one. Good bit.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Good one.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Great bit.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Good bit.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
[Chime]
Talya:
Is this a podcast?
Katie:
Is this-
Talya:
[Overlapping] Can this be a podcast?
Katie:
[Overlapping] -yeah, yeah, yeah.
Talya:
Okay.
Samkit:
Just trying out bits.
Katie:
Talya and Katie discussi-discuss if bits are good or not.
[The cast laughs]
Talya:
[Overlapping] Bit Court.
Katie:
[Overlapping] We're, like, editing while recording the podcast.
Samkit:
Bit Court.
Talya:
[Laughing] Bit Court.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Bit Court.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Bit Court. That’s funny.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Bit Court is good.
Katie:
[A la Law and Order “Dun Dun”] Dun Dun
[Ascending chime]
Samkit:
2d10. Wow. Few-d-fen. That’s nothing.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Nope.
Katie:
[Overlapping] That’s nothing.
Katie and Talya:
[A la Law and Order “Dun Dun”] Dun Dun
[Katie and Talya laugh]
Thomas:
[A la Law and Order “Dun Dun”] Dun Dun.
[Ascending chime]
Talya:
Was that-was that a good bit?
Katie:
That was a good bit.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] That was a good bit.
Katie:
[A la Law and Order “Dun Dun”] Dun Dun.
Samkit:
[A la Law and Order “Dun Dun”] Dun Dun.
[Ascending chime]
Katie:
Lenral’s trying to read lips from the other side of the room.
Lenral [Katie]:
[Trying to piece together words] He-he-he wen-went…?
Katie:
This isn't funny. [A la Law and Order “Dun Dun”] Dun Dun.
[The cast laughs]
Thomas:
[A la Law and Order “Dun Dun”] Dun Dun.
[Chime]
Thomas:
Calculating by the arcosmological-No. Hold on. What's a better word for that? based on basic cosmomansic-
Katie:
[Overlapping] You can just say, “Based on the locata-the position of the stars.”
Thomas:
Yeah sure.
[Katie and Samkit laugh]
Talya:
[Overlapping] That’s funny.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yeah fine.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Not everything has to be a thing.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] That’s boring, but fine.
[Chime]
Katie:
Thomas, Thomas. Come back. Oh, now we have to wait. OOOOOOHHHHHH!
Samkit:
[Overlapping] OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LADIDADIDA!
Talya:
[Overlapping] They’re checking their fantasy. They’re 100%-
[Chime]
Thomas:
That is in, like, a bit of a gorge down below that this rocky overpass goes over.
Talya:
Can it be a fjord instead of a gorge?
Thomas:
[Overlapping] As we-[makes a transporting sound]
[Ascending chime]
Thomas:
And I'm going to give you guys an extra improv challenge based on Talya’s request. Figure out how you guys accidentally turned this path into a fjord.
[Pause]
Katie:
I don't even know what fjord is!
Samkit:
Yeah.
Talya:
I thought it was just another word for, like, a gorge.
Thomas:
It's like rushing waters.
Talya:
No, it isn't. A fjord is like a-like a mountain side.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Is it? No.
Katie:
A fjord-no, a fjord is like a water thing.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Talya:
[Overlapping] What?
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Ohh.
Thomas:
[Overlapping, almost in unison with Katie] A fjord is a long, deep, narrow body of water that reaches far inland.
Katie:
[Overlapping, almost in unison with Thomas] A fjord is a long, deep, narrow body of water that reaches far inland.
Talya:
[Overlapping] I guess every time I’ve seen pictures of fjords-
Thomas:
[Overlapping, laughing] Katie, we found exactly the same thing.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Every time I’ve seen pictures of fjords-
Katie:
[Overlapping, laughing] Wow, we both use Google.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Talya:
[Overlapping] -I always thought it was the-I always looked at the mountains and not the water.
[Samkit laughs]
Talya:
I'm sorry. I guess I've ruined it for us.
Thomas:
So then ignore that-
[Chime]
TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: Samkit, a die-hard Eagles fan, is transcribing this terrible called shot, now knowing the Eagles don’t make it to this Super Bowl, so please enjoy his misery as you’re reading this
Samkit:
Hey, the Super Bowl is coming up.
[The cast chuckles]
Katie:
[Laughing] The Super Bowl is coming up-
Thomas:
Yeah, yeah, Samkit, can you us a little about the teams that are-
Samkit:
[Overlapping] I'm so excited for Team A versus the Eagles! I'm calling my shot that the Eagles are making the Super Bowl again!
[Samkit laughs]
Talya:
Oh my god.
Katie:
I am personally excited for the halftime show, which is-
Talya:
I think actually the Eagles are going to be the halftime performance.
Samkit:
You think the Eagles are going to be the halftime performance?
Talya:
Have you heard their Christmas album?
Katie:
You’re talking about, like, the Eagles, like the band?
Thomas:
Oh.
Talya:
Hotel California, yo.
Thomas:
I like you were, like, going to twist around and be like, “Yeah, because they're just clowns” or some-I don't know football slams.
Talya:
What? What?
Katie:
[Overlapping] You know, the worst thing you could ever call someone? A clown?
Thomas:
[Overlapping] You know how, like, you might insult someone by calling them like a clown?
Katie:
Thomas, you're going to cancelled.
Talya:
[Overlapping, in disbelief] A clown?
[Samkit laughs]
Samkit:
Thomas does have the aesthetic of a grandma watching football for the first time.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Thomas is like, picture-let’s picture the most aggressive sports fan you could think of. What's the worst thing they could say to someone they're watching on the screen? You clown!
Talya:
[Overlapping] -clown. Their shoes are too big for their feet!
[The cast laughs]
[Chime]
Lenral [Katie]:
Excuse me, book, are you represented?
[Rapid typing in the background]
Ash [Talya]:
I'm a book agent too.
Samkit:
[Laughing] Thomas furiously adding this to his notes is so-
[Samkit laughs]
Talya:
[Overlapping] So funny.
Katie:
[Overlapping] You hear Thomas typing in the background.
[Thomas chuckles]
Katie:
Little fingers just flying across the keyboard.
Talya:
Fingies!
[Chime]
Thomas:
I lost my train of thought.
Talya:
Flost my frain of fhought.
Katie:
[Overlapping] I was trying to think of something.
[Samkit and Talya chuckle]
[Pause]
Talya:
Forgot.
[Samkit chuckles]
[Chime]
Jererero [Thomas]:
Hey, can you help me?
Katie:
What do we see? Where is this? Where is this voice coming from? What do we see?
Thomas:
Oh right, yeah, I have to describe where the voice is coming from.
[Samkit laughs]
Katie:
Yeah, you do-I mean, listen, Thomas, you wear many hats, so we can't fault you for forgetting some of them sometime, but we-
Thomas:
[Overlapping] You were having fun listening to me, so I had to keep going.
Katie:
[Overlapping] It was fun to listen to you.
[Chime]
Vendley [Thomas]:
I should get a schmove on, and…
[Thomas laughs]
Paatarak [Samkit]:
Sorry?
Katie:
Have some respect for your NPCs, Thomas.
[Samkit and Thomas laugh]
Thomas:
[Laughing] I thought it would be funny, and it was.
[Chime]
Katie:
Yeah, let’s flashback to right before the flashback.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] I-I don’t want to.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Like Inception. Like Inception.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Please.
Katie:
Well, you're not the one editing this.
[Samkit laughs]
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Come on, I have-we have 40 seconds-
[Chime]
Thomas:
And that’s a difficulty of seven. Cut it together, Katie. You’ll make it work.
Katie:
[Mocking tone] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll just cut it together. Easy.
[Thomas and Samkit laugh]
Talya:
[Overlapping] Okay.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] I was about to be like, “Katie, is this too much?”
Katie:
[Overlapping, Mocking tone] Sure, I’ll just cut it together. Cool, I’ll just cut it together.
Thomas:
[Overlapping, regretful] I’m sorry.
Talya:
[Overlapping] I really wanted to-I really wanted to be-
Katie:
[Overlapping, Mocking tone] Yes, sir.
[Samkit laughs]
[Chime]
Katie:
Oh no. Oh no.
Talya:
[Overlapping] This is a rough episode. This is going to be a horrible episode to edit.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Oh boy.
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yeah, I’m sorry, Katie.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] Katie, I’m so sorry.
Talya:
[Overlapping] Katie, I’m sorry. Future Katie, I'm sorry. Present Katie, I don’t care.
Katie:
[Overlapping] Boy, the outtakes are going to be so long.
Talya:
[Overlapping] That’s-
Thomas:
[Overlapping] Yeah.
Samkit:
[Overlapping] I love that.
Katie:
[Overlapping] They’re going to be great.