What if World - 001 - What if I had 101 best friends.docx

Podcast: What If World

Episode: 001: What if I had 101 Friends?

File Length: 00:14:54

Transcription by Keffy

[Rising harp scales followed by the What If World theme song.]

Lyrics: What if kittens played the glockenspiel? And what if unicorns were real? What if you could fly or travel back in time, we welcome you to What If World. What If World. This is What If World.

[Gentle bell music.]

Mr. Eric: Hey everybody, and welcome to What If World for our very first episode. In this show we take your questions, your ideas and turn them into off-the-cuff stories. So, I know it might be a little confusing. How do you turn a question into an entire story? Well, that’s why I brought in a friend today to help you see how it’s done.

Petey, come on in.

Petey: Eh, I’d rather not. I’m a little nervous.

Mr. Eric: Petey, it’s okay. Just come a little closer to the microphone, okay? Sit down, relax.

Petey: Uh, is this better? Am I close enough to the microphone now?

Mr. Eric: Oh, uh, Petey, you’re actually a little too close to the microphone. You don’t want to like, chew on it. You just want to sit right here and talk, just like I am.

Petey: Oh, is this all right?

Mr. Eric: Yeah, Petey, that’s great. You’re doing an awesome job. All right, Petey. So, I want you to pretend like you’re a calling in to What If World.

Petey: Why would I do that? I’m already here.

Mr. Eric: Well, Petey, this is a show that takes a lot of imagination and uses a lot of make-believe. So just make-believe you’re picking up a phone and calling. And I want you to tell us, your name, just your first name. And then I want you to tell us something you like, and then I want you to tell us your what if question.

Petey: Ye-arrgh, o-okay. Um, hello, my name is Petey and I like the card game Go Fish, and my question is, what if… Oh, I don’t know.

Mr. Eric: Oh, that’s okay, Petey. Now, the kids at home are going to have plenty of time to think of their questions and I’m putting you on the spot, so, let’s just talk about it. You like Go Fish, you said?

Petey: Oh, I just love it! It’s me absolute favorite game in the whole wide world.

Mr. Eric: Okay, great. So why don’t we ask, um, like what if… you were playing Go Fish with your best friend and then a drag—

Petey: [Crying]

Mr. Eric: Petey! Petey, what’s wrong. Oh, Petey. Petey, calm down. It’s okay, it’s okay. What’s got you so upset?

Petey: Well, [sniffles] you said, a best friend, but I really don’t have a best friend. I don’t have any friends in all of the Pirate Land.

Mr. Eric: Oh, Petey, I’m sorry to hear that. But just because you don’t have a best friend yet doesn’t mean you never will. I mean, what if you had lots of best friends, huh? Huh?

Petey: Hey, what do you mean? Why are you saying it like that with your eyebrow raised like it’s a secret? Ooh, like there’s a secret pirate treasure hidden somewhere in this very studio?

Mr. Eric: No, Petey, there’s no—oh! Ooh, Petey.

[Tearing noises.]

Petey, ooh, please don’t rip up the carpet.

[Clattering]

Ooh, oh, Petey, don’t dig up the floor. Oh, Petey that’s not—

Petey: Y’arr, ooh. I think I see an X, here.

Mr. Eric: Petey, no, that’s a crack in the floor where you hit it with your shovel.

Petey: Oh, yes, there’s got to be buried treasure here, somewhere.

Mr. Eric: Petey, no, it’s not about buried treasure. What I meant is, why don’t you ask that question? That’s why I was raising my eyebrow. Ask that what if question, and that can be your story.

Petey: You mean, I could ask something like, what if I had 100 best friends?

Mr. Eric: Sure, Petey. You could ask that question.

Petey: No, but it’s crazy. That’s crazy.

Mr. Eric: Yeah, I mean, I guess 100 best friends is a little kooky.

Petey: Okay, what if I had 101 best friends?

Mr. Eric: Okay, Petey. What if Petey the Pirate had 101 best friends?

Now, when you hear this sound, kids: [Rising harp scale], that means you’re going to what if world. See you there!

[Rising harp scale.]

Mr. Eric: One morning, Petey the Pirate woke up in his little cabin on his tiny, lonely ship.

Petey: Y’arr, just another lonely day. [Yawns]

[Seagull noises]

I’ll just grab a Go Fish deck in case anybody comes by the ship and maybe they’ll finally play with me.

[Sad piano music in the background.]

Mr. Eric: But when he opened his door [door opening sound].

Various voices: Hellooooo Petey! Hello Petey! Hello Peteeey.

[Record scratch.]

Mr. Eric: There were 101 pirates crammed on his tiny little ship.

Petey: Oh my goodness, it’s like you pirates have come from all over Pirate Land just to visit me!

Pauly: That’s right, Petey,

Mr. Eric: said Polly, the Pirate.

Petrina: We’re here because we want to be your best friends.

Mr. Eric: said Petrina the Pirate.

Petey: Well, that’s awfully wonderful, okay. I’ll be your best friend, and your best friend, and oh! Just all of your best friends. What a happy day. Okay, best friends, what are we going to do?

Petrina: Well…

Mr. Eric: said Petrina the pirate.

Petrina: I was first pirate in line and I got me checkers board all set up so why don’t we play a game of checkers?

Petey: Aye, oh, checkers. Well, I don’t really like that game [mumbles]. Okay, well, I guess that’s what best friends do, yes? Okay, yeah, so, let’s just play this checkers game. [Rattling checkers pieces]

Mr. Eric: Petrina the pirate was a wily old gal. She had a lot of experience playing checkers and she beat Petey soundly.

Petrina: I got ya that time, but maybe you’ll get me tomorrow.

Petey: Oh, well, that was, okay. Good game, Petrina. You know, now that you’re here, maybe we could play my g—

Petrina: Okay, Petey, well, I’m going to go take a nap. It was nice seeing ya, I’ll see you again tomorrow for another game of checkers.

Petey: Oh, well, maybe tomorrow we’ll just play a different game, but ooh…

Mr. Eric: And the next pirate was impatiently waiting in line. The biggest pirate of all, P

Hello, Petey. It’s my turn to play checkers, eh?

Petey: Oh, well, you know, I just actually played a game of checkers, so why don’t we play a different game like me favorite game—

Pauly: So, you only want to play checkers with Petrina the pirate, but you don’t want to play checkers with Pauly the pirate? Oh [crying]. Oh oh oh ah ah ah oh oh oh.

Petey: I’m sorry Pauly, is that crying? I can’t really tell.

Pauly: Eee eee eee. And now you’re making fun of me crying. Oh hee haw hee haw. Oh ah eee.

Petey: Okay, just stop, please just stop doing whatever you’re doing and we can play checkers.

Mr. Eric: So Petey played another game of checkers. He happened to win this one, but he still wasn’t having all that much fun. And you know what? Every other pirate, 98 more pirates all wanted to play checkers, too. And Petey, he’d never had a best friend before and he kind of thought that’s what he had to do. So after a hundred games of checkers, he was exhausted and the sun was going down.

Petey: Oh, well, that was uh, quite a day. I guess I’ll go to sleep now.

Potty: I think you’re forgetting about me, Petey.

Mr. Eric: Petey stared at the back of his ship. Oh, no. There was still one pirate left. The smelliest, hairiest, weirdest pirate of them all, Potty the pirate.

Petey: Oh, Potty, maybe you’ll come back tomorrow and we can play checkers then, okay? I’m just really wiped out and—

Potty: Oh, I understand, Petey. You don’t want to play checkers. So, what do you want to play?

Petey: What do you mean? You don’t want to play checkers?

Potty: Well, I was watching you play over and over and I could tell you didn’t like it, so maybe there’s something you like more and we can do that, together.

Petey: Wow, you know, that would be really nice, actually. I’ve been wanting to play Go Fish for ages and—

Potty: Go Fish it is. Deal the cards, there, Petey.

Mr. Eric: And so they played, and they had a pretty good time. It didn’t really even matter who won because they were finally playing a game that Petey wanted to play. And as they played Go Fish, Petey realized, Potty didn’t smell all that bad. And he was kind of nice, and he wasn’t even all that hairy or mean or any of the things that all the other pirates said about him.

Petey: Uh, Potty, I was just wonderin’, why is that your name? It’s kind of strange.

Potty: Oh, I understand. It’s ‘cuz I love stirring the pot of stew with me papa. Me papa’s the stew-maker for all the pirates in Pirate Land. And my favorite thing is just to stir that pot and so that’s my name, Potty.

Petey: Oh, ho ho. I think people was thinking it was maybe another thing. Huh-huh… that word, if you understand.

Potty: No, I don’t understand why everyone laughs. Some words mean different things in different languages and to different people.

Petey: You know, you’re right. You’re right, Potty. Well, hey. That was a fun game of Go Fish, maybe we can play a game that you like now?

Potty: Well, I’m a little tired now, why don’t we play tomorrah.

Petey: Okay, sounds great.

Mr. Eric: And the next morning, Petey sprung out of bed. He was so excited to play with all of his best friends, but especially Potty the pirate. He opened the door.

Various voices: Hello! Hello Petey. Hello Petey. Hellooooo Peeeteeeeyyyy.

Petey: Oh, well, it’s great to see all of ya, and you know, I’d like ta play an occasional game of checkers with you and and you and you know, one or two, but since you all like checkers so much, maybe you could start the morning by playing with each other?

Petrina: Oh, that sounds like a good idea.

Mr. Eric: said Petrina the pirate.

Petrina: You know, I was really hopin’ to make more friends than just you and look at how many friends there are right here.

Petey: That’s right! So you can play with Pauly the pirate. And maybe I could start the day by playing with Potty the pirate since he had to wait til the very end yesterday, and—

Pauly: That sounds fair to me. Enjoy your game, Petey.

Mr. Eric: And all hundred pirates paired off in twos and played their very favorite games with their new friends. That left Petey to play with his new friend, Potty.

Petey: Potty! What would you like to play today?

Potty: Oh! I thought of a new game called Fish Go where I ask you for a card and if you have it, I’ve got to give you my card! Hehehe, I don’t actually know how it’s going to work yet, but let’s try it out.

Petey: Oh, that sounds lovely, yes. I’d love to give it a shot.

Mr. Eric: And they played their game and all the other pirates played their games and when Potty and Petey were finished, Petrina came over. You know, Petey, that looked like a very fun game. I was thinking, maybe I could join in on the next round and Pauly, here, too.

Pauly: I’d love to play with all of you. It looked like a silly game. Ha ha ha ho hohee haw haw.

Petey: I don’t understand Pauly. Are you laughing now? I hope ye are, it’s a lovely noise.

Pauly: Oh yes. I was laughin’ in joy.

Petey: Well, let’s all sit down and play together.

Mr. Eric: And so they did. And at the end of the day, most of those pirates went home and didn’t even play with Petey. They were too busy playing with friends of their own. But Petey, Potty, Petrina, and Pauly, played a lot of games of Go Fish, Fish Go, and even checkers! And, you know, when Petey was playing with friends, he actually found that almost every game was fun.

The end.

[Falling harp scale.]

And folks, when you hear that noise? That means you’re back in the studio with us. Welcome back.

Petey, what did you think of the story?

Petey: Oh, I loved it! In fact, I got to go find my new friends and play with them right now.

Mr. Eric: That’s awesome, Petey. I love how What If World can make so many things happen so quickly. It’s a really amazing place.

Petey: Oh, it’s magical, yes. All of you kids at home should really ask some questions, soon.

Mr. Eric: Okay Petey, yeah. Thanks for your help. Bye, Petey.

I’d like to thank Karen Marshall, my editor and producer, as well as Craig Martinson who wrote our amazing theme song. And I’d like to thank you, the listener.

Until we meet again, keep wondering.

[What If World theme song plays.]