Iker Garcia

Ms.Hood-Esparza

Humanities

9 November 2018

The Power Within

 I have hemoglobins and oxygen flowing through my body. I try to keep my head up in everything and try to work past the negative. It takes time but I can overcome. I am confident when it comes to socializing and sports. Today I am proud of who I am, but I had a long pathway to who I am. Growing up I wasn’t always the way I am, I feel it has to strongly due with where I grew up National City. When you mention National City to someone they often call it an ugly city. Most times its inhabitants call it nasty city. To me it was wonderful. I sometimes wish I still lived there. The people are what made it beautiful. I was there until I was 13 years old. I spent a lot of time there, and I enjoyed it. I kept to myself all the time and I didn’t let bad influences get to me. There were a lot of knowledgeable elders that I would talk to. They would tell me to always study and to go hard at school. There were a lot of unprivileged kids like me that were hungry to achieve more. Then there were the people who didn’t care. The people who settle for less and that wish that upon others. I, unfortunately, was surrounded by those people. I went to Lincoln Acres, a wonderful school that I am confident in saying it made me the person I am today.

I am very determined but also very unconfident. I have always wanted to achieve the greatest things. I have always been that students that needs all A’s and 100% on things. This came at a cost. I was a very antisocial person. I didn’t have friends until I came to High Tech High in 7th grade. In Lincoln Acres, there I didn’t really think much about friends. There would be kids that would be in bad influences in the 5th grade. I remember that one of the kids in my class got suspended for grafting around the school. I never went into bad temptations. I would just do my own thing and no one would take me into account. I thought I had friends, I hung out with people. I played soccer with kids in my grade and talked with people in my grade. I was never really good at soccer, I hated it. I would play just so I can feel accepted and not feel left out. I would try but there were always people that would put me down or stood me up. I didn’t realize it then, but people thought of me as a loser because of this. They would talk shit about me and I would think it was just a friendly thing.

I feel very dumb for not realizing this since this could’ve saved me from toxic friendships. I would feel that I would be at fault and try to get those “friendships” back. My dad would tell me not to do this, but what would I do? Not listen of course. I would sometimes see myself paying them for the friendship just because I didn’t want to feel alone. I was swallowed by my thinking that I needed to give something in order to get something in return or that if I didn’t do something right it would bite me back. This would diminish my self-confidence. What impacted me the most though was getting picked on. I was always told things because of the way I looked. Most of the things had to do with my face. “Why are your teeth so big? “You look like a beaver!” “Can you bite this open for me?”  There was always that popular kid. That one kid who would do the exact opposite of being respectful. For some reason, the kids followed that. I feel that is one of the reasons for why I didn’t have friends.

The whole name calling really beat me up mentally. But what got to me the most was not being accepted and rejected. “You can’t play with us because you’re not cool.” I have always been really self-conscious about my teeth. It is what has destroyed my self-confidence. I thought I would never be accepted and I would always be overlooked by everyone except my teachers. They always talked good about me, I always tried my hardest and treated them with respect. But I didn’t feel cool, I felt left out. I felt like I had to look a certain way.

I eventually blocked out the thoughts of what people thought of me either of the ways I acted or looked. Recently however, I let myself be consumed by these ideas again. We had our 8th-grade retreat. I found out there was a pool and I immediately felt scared because I wasn’t comfortable with the way I looked. What I began to do was going on 3 mile runs every day and doing sit-ups. I didn’t however eat. I did this for about 2 months until 8th-grade retreat passed. Little did I know that this action reduced my red blood cells in my body making me feel weak. After this, I went back to my normal life. Normal eating habits and everything. I wanted to join wrestling since 8th-grade. I felt that this would get me out of the underdog category. I no longer wanted to feel like a loser.

I remember showing up to wrestling practice the first day. Seeing a senior named Nick. Nick was buff, I immediately began to look up to him. When he would wrestle he went hard, every move was precise. His weight class was 135, not my weight which was good because that meant I didn’t have to go against him. I didn’t want to go up because I didn’t want to go up against a senior named Arky. Arky to me was a scary person. He had 3 years of wrestling experience under his belt and what did I have? Nothing. I was a noob. I was a scrawny little noob who was going up against an athletic senior. A freshman vs a senior. I didn’t want to confront something that I already knew the outcome to. So I decided to stay at 120.  This came at a cost.

I didn’t want to wrestle at 128 so I wouldn’t eat to stay at that weight. This resulted in me becoming anemic. I had iron-deficiency anemia, meaning I was lacking iron in my blood system. I wasn’t putting food that had iron or other essential nutrients into my mouth, my poor intestines couldn’t absorb the necessary nutrients. On top of not wanting to eat, I got pressure put on top of me by my dad. My dad has always wanted me to do good in school, but he also wants me to do stuff for him too. The things he makes me do is not awful, but it was enough to get me stressed. When I get stressed I lose my appetite completely. It is almost as if my digestive system shuts down and doesn't want me to intake any more food. This resulted in me feeling weak since I was lacking oxygen throughout my body. I wasn’t able to be fast and I had no strength. This made things harder for me. I would see kids my age, defined, massive shoulders, triceps and biceps molding out of arms.  I didn’t know then, but proper nutrition is key in order to look like this. Protein and carbohydrates would be essential in a diet in order to look like them, I was lacking in those nutrients. They were quick. In one of the matches at San Pasqual, I was trying to squirm out of my opponent. He put me in a cradle, I was pushing my legs out trying to break free, I couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength to do so, I lost. Match after match after match I kept losing I always thought it was because I wasn’t good enough or strong enough. What did I do? Keep on pushing my body even more and not feeding it. Reflecting back at this I think about the current time. I think about the one match I had as a sophomore at Canyon Crest and compare it to all of my season in freshman year. I went up against their team captain without even knowing. I put up a good fight. I was able to last 3 periods. He tried to put me in a cradle just like the other guy, but this time he failed. I had the strength to break his lock and keep on wrestling. I did end up losing that match but it wasn’t by pin, it was by points. I was able to last 3 periods not because I had acquired more skill, but by having the energy to use such skills. Freshman year I felt weak and tired. I couldn’t do the movements correctly and I didn't have the thinking capacity to learn.

During freshman year, I had no energy and felt tired all the time. I didn’t know why at first. It had never occurred to me that my eating habits were the ones affecting me. I would count my hours of sleep: 9, that is more than enough to maintain me throughout the day. But yet I still felt weak. Eventually, though my mom took me for my physical and the doctor told me I was acquiring symptoms of anemia. I didn’t know what to do. He prescribed me molasses which I did not want to take. I didn’t want to eat more because I didn’t want to gain weight. This honestly took a toll on me. I became antisocial from this, I didn’t want to talk with anyone at times and I especially didn’t want to talk with my parents. I think I got so obsessed with my image, that this led to my eating disorders. I would almost always wear a hoodie, even if it was hot because I thought I was fat. I remember just looking at the mirror and grabbing my flabs wishing I was skinnier. This malnutrition made me feel pain in my joints and I think I am still being affected by this today. I feel my knees hurt whenever I try to run or squat right now.

 When I reflect as to why I would starve myself I think it is one, so I could stay in the weight class and two, so I could get in shape. I have always been obsessed with abs, and freshman year was the year in which I would push myself to get them. Eventually, though this got so bad that I just quit trying to get abs. Sophomore year I decided it was time for a change. I decided to buy dumbells at the beginning of sophomore year. I could only curl 15 pounds comfortably. I would get frustrated by this but I didn’t try to force myself to lift more than I could. During preseason of wrestling, I told my dad I wanted to go to the gym with my friend Brandon. It took some convincing because I had tried to go to the YMCA gym once when I was 12 at 5 in the morning but I ended up getting a bad headache. Eventually though, he said yes. I started to go to the gym at 5 in the morning. I loved this, being part of that small percentage of kids that wake up to go to the gym. I ate what I wanted and got stronger.  I counted my protein intake and how what carby foods to eat. I saw the results in wrestling when I began to win more and more matches. I remember having a meet at Hilltop. I wasn’t stressing that much because Aiden and I were a team, meaning that we would split our matches. I went against a wrestler from Mt.Caramel and Eastlake. They were pretty good especially since they have a dedicated varsity team. I made sure to eat well, my mom prepared huevos con chorizo and espinacas. This food was rich with protein and iron. Perfect. I had the fuel, all I needed now was the motivation. Brandon and Ernesto were my motivation. They hyped me up and I knew I wanted to leave with a win. Against Mt. Caramel I sunk my half in after 2 periods. I pushed, got chest to chest and boom… I pinned him! First win. The second one against Eastlake I was nervous. I got on the mat, bell whistled, things got real. He was pulling me back and forth, he had a firm grip on my neck. Eventually, though I took him down and went for the pin. Second win. I remember calling my dad after my second match and telling him I won 2 matches and he told me, that’s the gym paying off. I felt that was true and it motivated me even more.

I am honestly pissed at myself for letting myself get caught up with the way I looked and the weight. Sophomore year showed me how I can perform by eating well and getting stronger not just physically, but also mentally. I am starting to be more confident with myself. I no longer feel like the scrawny freshman I once was, now I know I can get things I want. The gym has absolutely taken over my life. I try my best to set up my schedule so I have time to go to the gym as many times in the week as possible. I love knowing I am getting stronger because it shows progress. I don’t see it anywhere else but in the gym. Maybe I do get better at some academic things but it honestly isn’t the same. I know that I want to pursue lifting now and I think it’s good. It is a healthy hobby, it keeps me away from the streets and I admire that. This means that I am still not trying to get in touch with bad influences. In a way I am still the same Iker from National City.  I am doing better for myself than I am harm. Thanks to the gym, I feel better than ever and I have never looked back.