Understanding Object Relations Theory

Stephanie Marcella Layne

Psychology & Counseling, Carlow University

CPY 812: Advanced Theory & Technique

Dr. Joshua Bernstein

October 31, 2023

 Abstract

Object relations theory proposes that subjects, such as infants, create relationships with objects, such as the mother or parts of the mother, and look to those objects to gratify or frustrate their needs. There are a few tenets of object relations theory that include topography, motivation, structural, developmental, and psychopathology. One developmental model advanced by object relations theory is the relational/structural model. This article articulates the theory’s pathogenic process and discusses the theory’s treatment for therapeutic action. The conceptualization, treatment, and limitations of the theory are offered concerning the dysfunction of a particular client.

        Keywords: object relations theory, gratify, frustrate, psychology, therapy

The Understanding of Object Relations Theory

Addressing Object Relations Theory

Object relations theory seeks to understand how a relationship with an object affects how a person functions and behaves. Melanie Klein, a child analyst, initiated the object relations theory as she chose to study relations between people, specifically a mother-child relationship, after having studied innate biological instincts (Engler, 2006). In recognizing that Sigmund Freud spoke of the importance of objects in the human psyche where infants used objects to satisfy their drive, whether libidinal or aggressive, Klein proposed that those same objects, in an infant and child’s mind, included people. Object relations theorists suggest that humans are born with this drive, and satisfaction comes from the basic need to form and maintain human relationships. Therefore, the “object” in question is whatever or whoever satisfies the infant’s needs during development, and “object relations are the intrapsychic experiences of those early relationships” (p. 176).

Object relations can be the relationship between a person and an external object, such as another person, a body part, or an inanimate object. So, while the object can be a person or their body part, it can also be a blanket, teddy bear, or pacifier (Engler, 2006). The person who becomes the object is usually the caretaker or a significant other. Object relations theorists saw the caretaker as the mother and thus used examples of human object relations pertaining to the mother. Whatever the object is can aid in the infant's development or hinder it. The concept behind object relations theory is to understand how a person develops a relationship between themselves and an object, as well as how this relationship is maintained (Auchincloss, 2015).

Major Tenets

Topography

        According to Auchincloss (2015), “object relations are largely unconscious” (p. 190). Humans are born with the instinct to form relationships with the objects they need to survive. These are “unconscious fantasies” (Safran & Hunter, 2020) that are real and are part of a shared reality (Winnicott, 1969). Although they are born with these instincts, these unconscious fantasies are present before the person ever has any real encounter with those objects for which they become passionate. For example, upon birth, infants have an instinctual desire to be held and fed. When they feel they need to be held to survive and are in the arms of their mother, they become calm. When they feel they need food to survive, they gravitate towards the nipple and breast of the nursing mother. Upon having their needs met, and when they feel they will survive, they become calm. They react and soothe with the objects of the arms and the chest of the familiar mother. The infant forms a relationship with these objects and recognizes that they need them to feel good and survive.

Motivation

According to Safran & Hunter (2020), people have both loving and aggressive passions that are instinctual and connected with “unconscious fantasies and images about relationships with others” (p. 29). For an infant, aggressive instincts are intolerable, and therefore, they need to fantasize that the aggression itself is coming from somewhere, or someone else, other than themselves. The infant then sees whatever makes them aggressive as something bad. If the “something bad” is coming from their mother, the infant, to preserve their perception of their mother, will unconsciously split the image of the mother into “something good” and “something bad.”

Structural

The three parts that form object relations are self-representation, object representation, and the way both the self and object interact with each other. The infant is the self-representation, and the object, such as the nipple or breast of the mother, is that which the infant interacts with. The infant's relationship with the breast will either be good or bad to the infant. Eventually, as the infant grows and matures into a child and continues to have encounters with the mother, the child will be able to take the “good” object and integrate it with the “bad” object. They can then see the object as a whole again - undoing the unconscious split - and recognize that the aggression is coming from the self.

Developmental

As the infant undoes the unconscious split, moving away from disintegration and toward integration, the infant’s natural desire is to be gratified instead of frustrated (Bernstein, 2018). The infant’s position and feelings change as they contrast whether the external object is good or bad based on how it integrates with their needs. The infant attempts to “organize their experiences onto position, or ways of dealing with both internal and external objects” (slide 32).

The two positions that the infant goes through during the developmental process are the paranoid-schizoid and the depressive position (Bernstein, 2018). The paranoid position involves splitting, projection, and projected identification. As previously mentioned, unconscious splitting occurs when the infant attempts to separate the good from the bad. The good is gratifying and loving, while the bad is frustrating and disappointing. Projection, or simple projection, occurs when the infant feels their fantasies and reactions are because of someone else. This is a way for the infant to get rid of the good and bad objects. Projective identification is a defense mechanism that occurs when the infant, or anyone, unconsciously projects unacceptable qualities of the self onto the object (Projective Identification, n.d.-a), thus allowing the infant to maintain their acceptable self-image (Projective Identification, n.d.-b).

The depressive position begins about halfway through the first year of the infant’s life. This is when the infant undoes the unconscious split and begins to see the object as a whole, understanding that the person can exist as both good and bad (Bernstein, 2018). The infant recognizes that the mother is whole and independent from the self. It is during this time that the infant also begins to experience separation from the other, which the infant sees as losing the mother. The depressive position is about the infant feeling the hurtful emotions of possibly never seeing the good mother again and guilt for having desires to destroy the bad mother, who the infant now realizes is one and the same.

Psychopathology

        It is important that as the infant sees the object as independent, and as they become independent themselves, they can still rely on the object for gratification and love. Too many frustrating and disappointing experiences with the object will cause the infant to “use more primitive defenses, which will inhibit their psychological growth” (Palombo et al., 2009). This will cause the infant to remain in the paranoid-schizoid position, causing paranoid disturbances in their adult life.

Relational/Structural Model

        One of the developmental models advanced by an Object Relations theorist is Fairbairn's relational/structure model. Fairbairn believed that as a person grows and develops, the understanding of themself changes based on it's relationship experiences. At the same time, the relationships they experience also change based on the self. While the individual experiences object-relatedness, there is a drive for organization within the psyche more so than the desire to seek pleasure (Montag & Davis, 2018). This relational/structural model links the interpersonal and the intrapsychic realms. The relationship the individual experiences with the mother regulates their mind’s structure.

Pathogenic Process Model

        The pathogenic process model of the object relations theory begins when an individual cannot sustain loving attachments. Loving attachments are twofold in that they allow the person to be dependent on the object while also understanding that the person is an individual able to “maintain an identity that is separate from the object” (Bernstein, 2018). When the relationship with the object is poorly developed, and the person cannot recognize the dependence on and independence from the object, the person will be unable to condone the feelings of both love and hate for the object. They will also be unable to understand that the object and its relationship with the object is constant. Furthermore, they will experience instability in the loving relationship, especially when faced with frustration. As a result, the person will experience severe psychopathology and personality disorders.

Modes of Therapeutic Action

        The treatment for individuals with disturbances in object relation development is to therapeutically provide experiences to the patient that correct the emotions they feel about the objects. Unlike self-psychology, object relations therapeutic action involves meeting the patient where they are, more so than gratifying the patient (Stark, 1999). The therapist responds to the patient in the manner that a good mother would respond to the needs of her child. By doing so, the therapy will establish for the patient corrective experiences. It is important to know when the patient's needs should be gratified or frustrated to bring about the corrective experience.

In a  clinical portrayal of a patient’s need for omnipotent control, Dr. Stark explains how this therapeutic action helped her patient’s behavior in school (Stark, 1999). Dr. Stark’s patient had behavioral issues in school, and decided to gratify the desire of the patient by allowing her to be the “teacher” as Dr. Stark was the “student” when they played “school” during therapy sessions. By following her patient’s demands and orders while being honest about whether or not she wanted to, Dr. Stark’s patient felt in complete control. The patient's mother reported that the child’s behavior improved in school. By gratifying the patient’s needs, Dr. Stark was able to correct the negative experience the patient had, placing the patient in more control and awareness of their behavior.

Reflections on the Therapeutic Action

        Correcting the past experience by either gratifying or satisfying the need is a healthy approach to providing therapy for disturbances in object relations. The correction allows the patient to unconsciously return in time and receive the needed response to continue healthy development. This can decrease symptoms of regression and fixation. A person whose parents frustrated that which needed to be gratified may continue to seek gratification later in life. Therefore, practicing gratifying that need as an adult may correct their behavior to seek gratification in places that may cause harm. The disadvantage to this therapeutic approach is that if a need is gratified when it should be frustrated, it can cause even further destruction to the personality. Every need in an instant does not need to be gratified, and every need in an instant does not need to be frustrated. It is important to know when to do which.

Client Study

Conceptualization

        The client’s needs for love, attention, and affection while in the depressive position of life were constantly frustrated. She seemingly lost her parents to work and was subjected to inattentive care most hours of each day. Although her parents physically returned, the emotional needs of the client remained absent. The dysfunction the client faces is continual frustration with love, attention, and affection, which explains why she cannot keep a job or relationship for more than six months at a time. As a child, those she sought these needs for would eventually leave: her mother, her father, her babysitter, and possibly her older sister.

The client, who has experienced temporary losses throughout life, sees relationships as something bad that she will eventually lose, and therefore, cannot make lasting commitments, nor can she maintain any loving relationship she may have. Her desire to “settle down with a nice guy” is also frustrated as she cannot maintain relationships, seeing each one as “not good enough.” Although she has developed a better relationship with her parents, she dismisses their advice, seeing it as “bad” and the object that “goes away.” Even when her parents try to show her love in other ways, she cannot fully hold onto the love, as she cannot distinguish between what is “good” and what is “bad” that comes from her parents.

Treatment

        According to object relations theory, the goal of this treatment would be to affirm and gratify some needs while frustrating others. One need to be affirmed and gratified is her need for assurance that she is loved. Bringing the client to the understanding that her parents’ absence resulted from love - working to supply the family's needs - and not a result of avoidance might allow the client to see life from their perspective. The client consistently seeks the affection of strangers who do not love her and rejects the affection from the parents who do love her, which keeps the client in a cycle of needing affection frustrated. The client is criticized more than affirmed by the mother than the father. The treatment should include affirming the client’s feelings and affectionately responding to the client, especially if the client sees the therapist as a parental figure.

        One need that should be frustrated is the need for seemingly total self-reliance. Bringing the client to the understanding that both her mother and father had to depend on work, outside help, and even on each other to raise both daughters would hopefully bring the client to the understanding that it is okay to be dependent to a certain degree towards those that love her, and not towards strangers. Bringing the client to a place of dependency will correct the mindset that she must do everything herself because she lost those she loved, leaving her feeling alone.

Limitations

        The limitations to this theory for the client include that the client is unaware of why she sought attention, love, and affection from strangers. She did not have any memory of the babysitter who sexually molested her or was left with her grandmother, who was emotionally unavailable. Object relation theory is based on needs that were gratified and frustrated in the first year of life, where the memories remain in the unconscious, unable to be brought to the conscious without an external source recalling them.

While the therapeutic actions for object relations theory may help in some areas, simply gratifying and frustrating the needs may not be the only solution to helping the client's dysfunction. The client should also realize how her actions and reactions cause her avoidance of affection. An appropriate treatment for the client may be to use therapeutic actions that allow her to understand what her motivations are and how her unconscious behavior and reactions cause her to move further away from her desires and goals. Making what is unconscious conscious and understanding how it drives her would be a method to bring forth breakthroughs and change. This would be a great first step before gratifying and frustrating her needs.

Client Profile

As an infant, during her oral psychosexual stage, Felicia, “Delicious Felicious” (DF), sought the affection of her parents. She received affection from her mother through her interactions while being nursed until her mother had to return to work, leaving her with her unemotional grandmother. The work her mother did left her exhausted when returning home with no energy to interact with DF emotionally. She received affection from her father in the evening before bed until he took a second job working nights to make ends meet. Her sister, who was older than her, did not show her any affection because she felt like DF had taken the attention of their parents away from her.

                As DF grew in age, she sought attention from anyone she could. Her babysitter, seeing how needy she was at five years of age, took advantage of her desire to receive affection by sexually molesting her and her sister. Although DF was unaware of the seriousness behind the molestation, she embraced it as the affection she had sought for the past four years. The older sister grew more distant from DF as she was fully aware of the seriousness behind the molestation but threatened to be harmed if she told anyone. As DF continued to age and the babysitter moved away, DF sought affection from older men who resembled her babysitter while her older sister drifted away. DF became sexually active at the age of 12, right after her parents divorced and her father moved out of the state. Her sister moved in with their father, and DF stayed with her mother, who took on a second job to make ends meet. DF realized she could get away with anything because neither parent was around to regulate her behavior. At the age of 14, she began to attend parties with older teens and began to drink at the age of 16, becoming more promiscuous as she continued seeking attention from older men.

DF hid her habits and lifestyle from her parents by maintaining a B average in high school. At the age of 18, when she went to college, she said she no longer desired sexual encounters with older men, stating, “Sex is boring.” However, she now has sexual encounters with men her own age while maintaining her drinking, partying, smoking, and flirting. At 21, she dropped out of college, stating that she wanted to settle down with a “nice guy” and enjoy life with him. She tends to start projects but never finishes them. She has had trouble maintaining jobs for more than six months. She also has not had a relationship for more than six months. While she has a great, open, and honest relationship with both her parents, she constantly dismisses their advice and is more apt to listen to strange men based on their physical appearance. DF feels as if her life is in control when she has problems with abandonment, anger, and domination, and she overly sexualizes herself while striving for attention.

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