Hitler's favorite band is Hanson.

Note to self: there is no spoon

Your mom was in a porno called Jurassic Fart.

This transmission was not brought to you by Crouching Tiger Hidden Valley Ranch.

Guns are for sissies, real men nunchuck.

Feed your mom Gluten-free Scooby Snacks.

Johnny Depp sucks at acting like he can play guitar.

Don't wink your butt hole at strangers.

Online bullying people with morse code is forbidden.

I messed with texas and got away with it.

Yo momma so fat she was in a TV show and her character died but the closed captions said (breathing heavily).

Truck brand loyalty makes me sick.

Bust a Nut Cheerios is part of a complete breakfast.

Boycott Sea World.

Tattoo idea: a silhouette of Michael Jordan passing the ball to somebody else.

Honey, I Shrunk My Penis - Rated R, coming soon to theaters.

Pandemic panic shopping is the new Black Friday.

If you've ever finger banged your cousin while your uncle watched, you might be Jeff Foxworthy.

Bob Barker is now in hell repeatedly experiencing being spayed and neutered.

Have you supported a friend's band that didn't go anywhere? You may be entitled to a cash refund settlement. Call Osborn and Goldberg now.

I was supposed to be social distancing but now I'm contact high.

Enough about cancel culture, i wanna hear more about do something charitable but film yourself doing it culture.

Ever notice Sub-zero and Scorpion never caught the corona virus?

Yo mama such a hoe she went on The Price Is Right and the other contestants started bidding on her.

Airplane food, am I right? Like, why can't there just be a restaurant that serves it?

I wanna be Michael Jackson during nose surgery for Halloween.

My fashion model runway signature move is checking the mail at the end.

There should be a Ouiji computer game where several people put their hands on a computer mouse and push it back and forth.

The first person ever to hurt themselves by running with scissors is getting a Tosh.0 web redemption.

Meta-ironic: Its like Alanis Morissette cutting the cheese after she just cut you in line.

Time magazine just named me one of the Top 10 least influential people on the internet.

I hope they never name a tree or body of water after Justin Timberlake.

Death by unquenchable maple syrup craving.

If I had a million dollars i would have a custom bowling ball made like a magic 8 ball, but without the flat part.

Weather Report: Looks like we're in for some nasty leather.

If i had a low rider i would hop over wrong way spikes.

When it comes to take it or leave it I always leave it.

Somewhere out there, Ozzy Osbourne still thinks he's in a reality show.

Justin Bieber should star in a bio pic about Vanilla Ice, then I would have two reasons not to watch it.

The only thing Slipknot really had going for them is they were kinda better than Limp Bizkit.

I can hear myself blink and it's driving me crazy.

The Southern National Institute For Farts, otherwise known as SNIFF.

Yo mama so nasty she needs Left Guard deodorant too.

When society goes full anarchy and everyone's at Walmart trying to steal TVs I'm gonna be looting at Joann's fabric and crafts store.

Wu-tang is the new walmart Nirvana tshirt.

Introducing the new Spice Girl... Karen Spice.

Vin Diesel's favorite restaurant is the Olive Garden.

Do squirls and rabbits hangout or are they like fuck you bitch?

I've never been to a black friday thing at a store before but if i ever do it will just be to drop a bag of marbles.

My raver name is New Years Steve.

I just realized my used couch that I bought on craigslist was in a porno. hashtag scrublife.

Foreskin Mask - Rated R.

Michael Jackson's final form is turquoise.

So does Butthead have gingivitis or what's going on with that?

And then captain planet whispered into my ear "The power was within your buttcheeks the entire time".

My current expression of disappointment is "dick rash".

I just realized I've never been invited to an intervention which makes me think I might be part of the problem.

Breaking news: Dr Phil is being accused of hypnotically suggested rape. Victims say they are ashamed of their uncle.

I just checked my bank account, turns out i have a lot of street cred.

Alexa, what is the past tense form of Gettin Jiggy Wit It?

Cyber with your mom only at Lame-Over.com