Brian Lin

Ms. Marcum

Language and Literature Year 5

April 10th, 2020

The Beauty of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is about life, and it can go two ways: to forgive others or to forgive yourself. I see self-forgiveness as a skill prior to learning before learning to forgive others. Moreover, my experience tells me that forgiving is necessary to move on in life and release negative feelings about a situation. Being able to forgive is difficult because mistakes result in hatred and emotions are hard to control. It is hard to see past my own mistakes.

Despite the interconnectedness of forgiveness with my emotion and conscience in a situation, forgiveness is something I do for myself. To forgive does not mean to forget or to not be responsible for my actions, to me, it means to release the negative feelings deeply held inside my mind and understand the situation to show concern in the right attitude.

Simultaneously, forgiveness brings peace to me and enhances my capability to face the pain once suffered and heal faster. I understand that forgiveness can make an impact outside of just myself, which makes it an important capability in my character trait. I have experienced pain, guilt, anger, and anguish in my life, but nothing hurts me more than hurting others and the sport I love.

This wasn’t the first time I yelled out during other people’s games. During a volleyball game right before my championship game, I disrupted a player’s serve. Even though my action didn’t come out of me as a bad intention, in any circumstances, I made a mistake. It wouldn’t have made me realize what I’ve done if she didn’t mess up her serve during match point as well as me getting dragged out by the athletic director. As I walked back into the court, through all the people that came to watch, a tear was forming but I wouldn’t let it fall. Standing on the court, I was the first to serve. I felt down, serving the sixth ball in a row, so guilty of myself that I hoped myself would miss.

I lost my game. There was too much going on in my head. I didn’t know what to think, like a blind-headed fly. I thought a lot, being grateful to experience the respect people gave me as I served. Again, tears soaked my eyes, uncontrollably, they escaped. “Hey, keep your head up,” the athletic director told me. “How you react speaks volumes. I’m proud of you.” I reacted with immediate concern and understanding as well as being extremely apologetic.

This moment was deep inside my head since then for about a month. Every time it felt so hard to remember it again. Even though I apologized right after my actions and she told me not to worry, I couldn’t forgive myself. I wrote another letter to Mr. Yanna, the athletic director, and told him about my situation and showed intense concern from me. His response made me feel his understanding and forgiving too. I won’t forget what has happened, I won’t say what I did was okay, it’s certainly not, but by forgiving myself, I’m making an invisible response to grow from my mistake and exposing myself as a normal human being, having a flawed personality.

Forgiveness is a difficult ability to learn, but I believe that it is possible for me. Mistakes are always regretful, but what has happened will not change. I make mistakes in life, and the ability to forgive makes me stronger as a person and keeps me moving.

This I believe.

Word Count: 579