Review Box 4 - Holoturismo: Green Flag
Continuing with the suggestions from anons, today we're reviewing Holoturismo: Geen Flag. The tags are "Sora, SFW, Action, Drama, Car autismo". I'll keep the English/content/feelings structure of the last review and see if it works here too.
"Finally, peace and [...] and you finally" Repetition, which I personally don't like. Not sure if it's a problem in general or just me. Before a repetition of "again" too.
"tighten like a vice." I think it's "vise".
"footsteps that slow down once she has crossed the street, becoming a slow careful amble" Amble implies slow, so that's three "slow" here.
"leaving behind only gray, lifeless husks behind" The repetition of behind here seems unintentional.
"forestry gives way to farmland" For me forestry describes more the activity that's practiced rather than the place, so "forest gives way to farmland" or "forestry gives way to agriculture" would make more sense.
That's pretty much it. There was nothing really worsening the experience in the rest of the fic. It's a 6000 word text. That shows a good mastery of English or careful editing, "or" being inclusive here.
I'll take this opportunity to go over some of the car vocabulary. "grille" was easy to understand as I know what a Mercedes is and I think everyone knows that "the shape that looks like the mouth of a car is in two parts = Mercedes". I had some idea for "spoiler" at the first mention, and a bit more at the second, but I'm still not sure. As for bucket seats, I'll talk about them later.
As for SL65, AMG and Black, I don't know what they reference.
Now for the contents. This is an action fanfiction featuring Tokino Sora and focused on car racing. Most of the text is made of descriptions, and the author writes them well. The other fics that I've reviewed were usually a bit poor in that context. In terms of image, it's like only the elements strictly necessary for the actions happening were present. Like a drawing of a character with nothing else and a white background. Here on the other hand, there is a full background. For example, the paragraph that starts with "Ironically, the walk up the hill". We get information on how the protagonist feels ("appreciate nature"), the air ("a good whiff of clean, fresh air"), the time of the year and the state of the vegetation ("The leaves are mostly gone now"), how it makes the protagonist feel ("leaving behind only gray lifeles husks", "it's a beautiful sight if only a somber one"), the soundscape ("The climb is silent, just accompanied by the sounds of crackling branches, the howl of the wind and the fast beating of your heart"), the physical and mental state of the protagonist ("the fast beating of your heart, both from the physical exertion and the obvious, natural anxiety over what you are about to do."). That's a lot for a paragraph that could have been "You make your way up the hill". All of those things add something, they make it easier to feel like you are there, to picture this in your head.
The descriptions are also useful to learn more about the world. To go back to car vocabulary, I didn't know the term "bucket seats" but it's easy to understand from the description. They are an alternative to regular "soft" seats, made from hard material, that have a form close to the human body. I also think I understand why they are used. With a hard seat and a hardness, your body can be kept into place, while a soft seat will allow some movement, which can quickly become uncomfortable or dangerous at high speed changes. Assuming that it's true, what I'm trying to say here is that they were described well enough that I didn't need to know about them before. This is way better than the usual "the character asks about them" or "someone explains everything". I mostly hear "show don't tell" in the context of video but I think it applies to storytelling in general and this is a good example.
As a slight negative, I'm not sure about the value of "I don't know much about cars" and stuff like that. It wasn't used for anything except referencing it, and your writing is good enough to not need to insert awkward explanations about car stuff. I know I use it a lot myself, but I think "I don't know much about X" is usually not a good idea. I didn't start the review with "I don't know much about cars, but" because it sounds like an apology = setting yourself up for failure.
Next is the protagonist. I think the portrayal of what it can be to be suicidal is good. For example, going from embarrassment to laughter to anger when Sora asks him to not do this feels realistic, as with the "you don't understand how I feel". The feeling of jealousy at people that are good too. And stuff like still being able to appreciate nature a bit, quickly realizing the awkwardness of situations and going back to being shy, etc.
Sora now. The descriptions make her feel like a girl that is a bit shy but strong, someone that knows what she wants, and isn't afraid of the work necessary to get it. Someone that values skill a lot in herself, but also appreciates things just for being. She sounds beautiful, cool, cute, talented, hard-working, skilled, focused when she needs to, and a bit dreamy. That fits very well the image I have of Sora. And even without that, it's a good character.
The "race" itself was good. It's an action fic, and the tag is well deserved. Racing as a focus for action is not the most common in fanfictions, but I think it's very fitting for Hololive, especially someone focused on idol activities like Sora. They have the same core, mastery of a skill and bringing an audience with you. What makes it even better is that it's uncommon, original. Originality can be good by itself, but often it comes with a sacrifice in quality. There's a few anime girls that I like a lot but are niche, and I can assure you that I don't have the same standards for fanarts of them as for other, more popular girls.
In terms of structure, it follows a classic "initial situation -> something unexpected happens -> the meat of the adventure -> end". In terms of story, it follows a classic "depressed person is going to end his life, when suddenly he's brought into a world he ignored everything about by a chance encounter". All of that mixes to create a solid fiction. Being classic is not a flaw, especially when the execution is very solid like here, but there's even some originality in the mix.
So, to conclude on the content, this is a very good action fanfiction. All of the pieces by themselves are good, they're put together well. I'm sad that I can't write more about it because it deserves it.
I said lots of good things about the work itself, now it's time to talk about me. I am after all like a car, with the difference that I fill my tank with narcissism.
I like submissiveness in many forms, and this text featured one that's a bit specific but close to my heart: being driven around by someone. I personally don't like driving, I'd say I even hate it. But cars themselves? I like them. They make it easy to go somewhere, while being protected from the elements. They create an intimate space anywhere where you can talk freely or listen to some music. And you're putting things in the hands of other people. It's an experience that I enjoy a lot in general, and I'm glad it's in this fic too.
It also follows the common wish fulfillment of someone that's depressed and has someone that comes and helps them. This in turn plays on the more common "you're special because you're special", as opposed to the "you're special because you have something". It's not perverse in this fic, especially since the protagonist seems to become competitive, but there is something not exactly healthy when between a character that's very skilled and another that doesn't have much, you already know that they are respectively supporting and main characters. I hear a lot that idols are all about growth, but startups are too and that doesn't seem to limit their market cap in any way. This might seem a bit harsh following a good review, but this is where you have to remember that this part is about me. This is a space where I talk about stuff that is important for me but might not be relevant to the author or its intended audience.
I had a good time reading Holoturismo: Green Flag. I'm excited to read the next one, and I'll add "being a passenger in a racecar" to the list of things I want to try. This was a good surprise, and why I like to read fanfictions so much, I can feel more of the raw passion of the authors. I've said that my engine runs on narcissism, but every carburant needs a comburant, and this is the one I use.