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Putting the ”N” in News

  March, 2018

Outside, Looking ‘N’

By Mouse


Nature is strange. That’s what I learned this week as I continued my adventures into the lands of Neden. With spring coming, my mind wandered to thoughts of sunshine and flowers. What better topic for the column than exploring those smelly bundles of joy? Boy was I in for a surprise.

 Sir Naj was kind enough to give me a tour of the area via portal, explaining that there were all kinds of plants and flowers in existence. There are ones that emit the pungent stench of rotting corpses, aptly named “Corpse Flowers” or Rafflesia Keithii in wizard talk.

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 There are also Orchids with monkey faces that smell like ripe oranges. Those ones immediately made me think of Lako for some reason.

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 Naj didn’t mention if these actually grew in Neden, but he did tell me of their national flower: The Hanging Man Orchid, or Orchis Italica.

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 The Hanging Man Orchid is a funny little plant that looks like it might belong in the ocean at first glance.

The one I saw was light purple and white, but Naj says they can get much deeper in hue. The petals are all shaped like little men (Or Neden Boys), thus how it got its name.

According to the grapevine (haha, get it?) Lord Nymbous loved this plant so much when he first saw it that he declared it to be a gift to the ladies, and Priest Z, and made it Neden’s national flower.

 Beyond its mere aesthetic intrigue, Naj believes that the plant has a variety of qualities that make it worthy of study. Alchemists swear that it has medicinal properties that aid in several digestive issues for starters, not to mention its aphrodisiac potential. Apparently it is also used for making the drink Salep…which explains why the flower’s population needs to be carefully monitored in Neden.

 All in all it was a very educational trip. I look forward to continuing my cultural studies of this strange and unusual place.

 

Happy Travels!

 -Mouse

N’editor - in - Chief

By Dresden O’Leary


Greetings Adventurers -

Now that we are through the winter, (mostly) - and Spring is upon us (somewhat) - It is time once again to Celebrate with Nedens’ annual BBQ. 

April 15th is fast approaching, and to kick things off we have released something we hope to make a big thing in the realms. Through a combination of magic,ingenuity, and a mysterious shrouded figure - we in Neden have created pictures that move, and play sound as clear as if it were speaking to you!

Most of you have seen what I am speaking of already, but if not, Check out The Nation Neden page and see for yourself. As Neditor-in-chief, I look forward to sitting down with this ‘Director’ when he decides to give me the opportunity for what I’m sure will be a critically acclaimed interview.

Regarding our puzzles section, I am happy to announce we are awarding our first ever ‘Neden Kazoo’ (named after our humble little publivation) to:

Elouan of Rhiassa!

Elouan is a knight of Rhiassa and warden of Stoneheart prison.

Now, loyal readers (that includes you Elouan) I will regale you with the tale of how we were able to create and offer such an item up as a prize - and what said prize does. You read correctly, I am going to Identify the items properties in this very article.

____

“NAJ!” I called out, pacing up and down various castle corridors. “NAJ! I need your magics!”

Out of nowhere, a portal appeared towards the end of the hall i had just turned down, and a vibrating thrum of power rushed out in its’ wake making the sound of crackling electricity. 

NAJ stepped through, muttering to himself as if dictating notes. “Portal #437...a little less like walking through pudding, a little more like lime gelatin. Still need to fix that burning smell.”

He finished coming through the portal and behind him the portal closed with a gratifying pop not unlike that sound you’d make with your finger and your mouth. “Oh,” he said…”Hey Dresden!”

“Naj! Just who I need to see!” I said. “I need you to empower these Kazoos for me with the magic of the land so that our lucky Neden Kazoo puzzle dumbmission winner gets something neat that they can show off to all their friends!”

Naj gave me a skeptical look, “Did you say, ‘Dumbmission’?” He asked.

“I did!” I exclaimed. “Because you’d have to be dumb not to take part in the submission of these easy puzzles.” Just entering guarantees a chance to win one of these sweet, sweet kazoos!”

“What’s it do?” Naj asked me.

I shrugged, “so far this…” I blew into the kazoo. a not at all annoying noise came out, and nothing else happened.

Naj grinned. “That’s uh... well that's something Drez!”

“You're the minister of magic!” I said. “Magic up some cool, man!”

   

The Cider Side of Life

By jean Baptise


You know last week Syruss told me. “Hey you do a lot of cider reviews, maybe you should do something more… specific? Maybe something with a undead theme?

Of course I know EXACTLY what he meant.

The Cidergeist Bubbles is a Rose that is crafted from Rhinegeist, a company that prides itself in being situated in a ancient Over the Rhine’s Brewery district, which has been around since 1895, though the company itself is around 10 years old.

 

Now the first thing you should wonder is “How did I squeeze Z into a can, is it cannibalism, and why is it a Rose Ale if this is a cider segment?” The answers is, none of your business, none of your business, and that’s a funny story.

See Bubbles isn't just apple, it uses peach and cranberry juice which forces it to be in some state laws be labeled as a wine, which naturally would make it significantly more expensive. So instead its officially a ale, despite being obviously a cider.

 

But naturally we must ask about taste, so lets review. First bubbles has a nice red color which while not adding to the taste is certainly fun. When tasted the strong cranberry taste comes through, lending to it a sharp tartness (But nothing compared to the black widow). I wouldn’t call it sharp insomuch as id describe it as not sweet. It’s something i'd pair personally with a salty dish like pecans or walnuts.

Life of the Party!

Sarix’ 5 tips to being the politest patron at the party

Penned By Syruss (WARNING the writer may have taken liberties with the Authors actions and mannerisms)


During this time of year, our Ravens and The Book of Faces receive a surge of invitations to celebrate the holiday season. Some of these invites are engagements where ones where we may know very few people. These parties include the company party for your spouse or partner, your Lord’s soirée for their friends or the Wizard who once did you that favor that one time.

But Sarrix you might say, “How do I conduct myself while trying to have the time of my life?”
It’s easy loyal reader! Just follow these 5 steps to party perfection.

      ARRIVE EARLY…BUT NOT TOO EARLY….

You know what Arrive Late, yeah Fashionably Late...After all the party don’t start till you walk in

Try to arrive 15-30 minutes after a party starts. This way you’ll avoid being the first person there, but the party is small enough that you do not feel like a lonely face in a large crowd.
Like rushing into an unknown dungeon a party can have its perils it is best to let someone else navigate and set off all the traps before stepping your VIP toe through the threshold. But you also want to avoid showing up to late. Remember there are usually snacks….like really good snacks...Get there before all of those are gone.

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BRING A HOST GIFT

I believe in being a good guest. A host gift does not need to be expensive and it can be anything ranging from a Yule ornament to a bottle of Mead or Whiskey. It shows the host you are thoughtful and since you showed up on the early side, the host is that much more likely to introduce you around to other people since you got there before peak time.

                                       

DRESS FOR FUN…

But also be prepared to be stabbed.

Would you walk up to anyone who doesn’t look like they want to be there? We didn’t think so. The easiest way for someone to come up to you to start a conversation at a party is to wear something that’s fun and stylish for the occasion. Me I usually like to Sport some fashionable green and my very in style Neden tabard Blue N is where it is at. I would also always consider wearing some armor under your fanciest attire that or enchant some runes on the garments to make themselves tough enough to withstand swords and such. I mean think about were we live people( and non People readers) That doesn’t mean wear whatever you want. Try to dress for the occasion, you don’t want to be wearing shorts and a t shirt to a formal wear nor do you want to be wearing full plate while swimming at the beach.

WAIT UNTIL THERE IS A LINE AT THE BAR TO GET YOUR NEXT DRINK

You are probably thinking “Say What?” Standing in line for a cocktail means you can scan the room and you have people both in front of and behind you. Forced proximity is a great way to start a conversation with someone. It’s one of the few places where you can’t help but eavesdrop to engage others when you hear something you may have in common with someone nearby…or you can start the conversation by making a quip about the long line. Then there is the best icebreaker of all: seeing someone do something outrageous and asking the person in front of or behind you “did you see that?

Keep your Cool when Tempers flare
Now if this is like any traditional Realms party something, someone, somewhere is going to kill something and when that happens KEEP YOUR COOL.
Ask yourself these three questions

  1. Did you cause the problem?
    If NO - then don’t worry about it party on someone more responsible than you will clean this up.
    If YES - try to solve it as soon as possible. It is a party after all and you don’t want to be the party pooper.
  2. Did someone you LOVE/LIKE/Talk to that one time Die?
    IF NO -
     again party on chucklehead it is not your problem.
    If YES - go HAM go HAM now then apologize and buy a round of drinks
  3. Did they spill your drink?
    If NO - well your smart enough use inference here.
    IF YES - O BOY…...Politely say excuse me but you hath spilled my libation and I insist you replace it at once.

There you have it folks, all in all a party is like a Storm, if you prepare for it, take it serious and are responsible with it then it can be one heck of a place to fly a kite….Ok Maybe the Metaphors are Syruss’s thing...Anywho Neden for life you crazy crazy kids.

THE MISADVENTURES OF THE NEDEN BOYS

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MARCH CROSSWORD