Dimension 20 Season 7
The Unsleeping City: Chapter II
Starring: Brennan Lee Mulligan as Dungeon Master;
Lou Wilson as Kingston Brown; Ally Beardsley as Pete Conlan;
Zac Oyama as Ricky Matsui; Siobhan Thompson as “Anastasia” Iga Lisowski;
Emily Axford as Sofia Lee; and Brian “Murph” Murphy as Cody “Night Angel” Walsh
Episode 9: Fight at the Museum
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[that classic Unsleeping City theme music we love so much]
Brennan: Hello, one and all. Welcome back to another exciting episode of The Unsleeping City. I'm your humble dungeon master Brennan Lee Mulligan. With me as always, our intrepid heroes. Say hi, intrepid heroes.
All: [exaggerated fake running] Hi, intrepid heroes!
Brennan: Last we left off, our champions of New York City found themselves confronting the vastness of all of these threats facing the Unsleeping City and New York itself. Connected through a discovered hard drive in the offices of Excelsior Dynamic Homes, a company owned outright by Gladiator Industries. Taking these with Wally Claus, to Santa Claus's brother's house, a civil litigator and vampire named David Kugrich. We discovered that the horrifying force at work in the Sixth Borough, which our heroes have yet to venture into, is connected powerfully to Gladiator Industries. It seems that the poison in the waking world and the poison in the realms beyond are themselves one and the same. And as this was discovered, Kingston Brown, Vox Populi of New York City, declared out-and-out war on Gladiator.
Lou: [raises both fists and shakes them at the camera] They’ll fall.
Brennan: Finally, proving that the mall goth was right the whole time, oh no.
Lou: This city is my mall. That was the truest thing Cody's ever said.
Brennan: Pete also discovered that there did appear to be something in fact, medically going on with Nod in the dreaming. And that both Pete's physical presence, and the presence of someone who actually knew medicine, would both be appreciated by the monarch of the Sixth Borough. It also seems that Iga has actually confronted her ancestral matriarchs going into the past. And when asking, "Why don't we go deeper into the castle?" Or ask questions about it, figured out it was all based on a hunch from a woman who lived sometime in the '800s. Iga's great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great great, great grandma. These women obviously knew a lot about how to get warlock powers from a magical chest, but Iga also was the first in her matrilineal line to reach out to the power deep within the castle itself. Ricky learned some horrifying stuff from his new bud JJ, an apprentice wizard of the Gramercy Occult Society. And Sofia was confronted by the machinations of Tony Simos back at the Order of the Concrete Fist, and stepped down from her role as first fist in the monastery. Assembling at Esther and Ricky's apartment, our heroes have decided that the Gramercy Occult Society will engage in conning the newly rededicated Order under the partial leadership of Tony Simos as the new, or I should say, once again, First Fist of the monastery. And Esther is going to give them the runaround, having by on Sofia's behest created a fabricated version of the powerful scroll, Forms of the Greater Dreaming. The original copy of which is now in the hands of Pete Conlan, the Vox Phantasma. And the decision was basically, we know that something's going on in Nod, we know that the Gray Orphan needs Pete's help. We know that there is something out there in the deeper dreaming. And you also want to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Memories to talk about these Vox Phantasma memories that is also now weirdly connected with what's going on in the waking world's version of the Met, with the movement of the Cloisters stuff, which was shut down and bought by Gladiator, that has now all been moved to the Metropolitan Museum proper as it abuts Central Park. So, the plan has been made that Gramercy will give a runaround to Tony Simos to try to keep them off balance. But in the interim, all of you need to get prepared to head to Nod to see what's wrong before the Order catches wise. For all of you, this is in your hands. Esther is busy putting on a show for the Order. How much time do you want to take to set up this journey? Do you want to try to just head there as soon as you can? What's the game plan from all of you?
Ally: I would love an hour to run a quick errand and come back, but I can, yeah, that's my ideal...
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Emily: I think Sofia has done all the research she can, 'cause she spent like two weeks with Gramercy working on this. So, I think all the research I could have possibly done, I've done.
Brennan: Cool, hell yeah.
Zac: Ricky was just gonna reluctantly try to talk to Cody about his sword...
Cody: Ah yes, the Thirsting Blade.
Ricky: Yeah, the Thirsting Blade.
Cody: Well, it hungers.
Ricky: Sure, yeah, sure. I guess in a way it can hunger.
Emily: "Thirsting Blade hungers." [laughs]
Ally: That's why you named it the Thirsting Blade.
Ricky: So, it hungers for, to drink.
Cody: For blood.
Ricky: Yeah, okay.
Emily: [laughing] That’s really funny, Murph.
Ricky: Well, I was able to make… I just want to say that I was able to make this, my questing blade cast Suggestion, because I realized that could be helpful in certain scenarios for me. And, I dunno, I can maybe help you try to figure out how to imbue, get some sort of spell out of your weapon.
Cody: Yeah, I mean, if… Yeah, I would definitely take you up on that, man. I appreciate it.
Ricky: Sick.
Cody: So, you could help it get fangs, or maybe bleed on its own or something? Like if it had like serrated edges and shit?
Ricky: Are you sure you want it just to be drinking blood?
Cody: Yeah, I want it for it to be hungry.
Ricky: Is there any, can I ask if just, maybe there's something a little more practical?
Cody: Yeah. If it could use the darkness to protect the light.
Ricky: [nodding slowly] Okay.
Cody: 'Cause it's two sides of the same coin.
Ricky: Okay.
Brennan: This conversation continues for a heart-wrenching amount of time. Cool. Pete's gonna take it… So, it looks like you guys are ready to head out truly post-haste.
Lou: I check in with Iga and Cody real quick just about what we're asking them to do. And I'm just like, kind of I think like explain a little bit about Nod and what it's like to be there and how wild it is and just with kind of knowing all of that and how intense an experience it's gonna be,
Kingston: Are you all ready for what could possibly be a more extended trip? Maybe more than a day or two as we go into whatever deeper dreaming may be?
Iga: I'll be okay. I'll check in with my husband, make sure he's okay with my leaving for a couple of… I mean, he'll be okay with it. You know what I mean? But it's like polite to say. It's polite to ask, but if he says no that's a problem, you know?
Kingston: Yeah, yeah, I do know. I do know, I do know. Cody, are you good?
Cody: Yeah. I think dreams are kind of also nightmares, which are super goth. So, I think I'll be really good there. It's gonna be sick.
Kingston: Yeah, it's gonna be sick. Sick. Sssssssssick, okay.
Ricky: Do you think dreams and nightmares are two sides of the same coin, maybe?
[Brennan laughing]
Murph: I look, like— [makes a perplexed look at the ground for a moment]
Cody: Yeah, I do.
Ricky: Cool.
Pete: You know, hunger and thirsting are kind of two sides of the same coin too.
Zac covers his face with his hands.
Emily: Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. [laughs]
Zac: Ricky finds his pull-up bar and just knocks a bunch out.
[laughing]
Emily: I think while Pete runs his errand, Sofia goes into the bathroom and takes out what looks like a box of Sour Patch Kids, and stares at it for the entire hour.
[laughing]
Iga: Sofia, are you okay in there?
Sofia: Yeah, I just—
Iga: Okay, 'cause I am a 45-year-old woman, and there's one bathroom in this apartment. You know what I mean?
Sofia: Okay, yeah, all right.
Emily: I guess it is just a box of Sour Patch Kids. I'll stare at it out in the open.
[laughing]
Cody: Whoa, are you gonna eat those?
Sofia: Well, I'm saving them for later. I have low blood sugar.
Cody: All right.
Murph: Yeah, I guess I will, with Ricky's help. I will speak to the Questing Blade. And, I think I'll, I guess I'll try to do the nicer one. I'll be like
Cody: Thirsting Blade, I know that you hunger, but I want to use the darkness to protect the light.
Thirsting Blade: [deep voice] Hah, master. You wish to use the darkness to protect the light, for indeed they are two sides of the same coin.
Cody: Finally. You understand.
Zac: Do I hear this?
[Murph laughing]
Brennan: I think you do, Ricky. I think you do hear it, yeah.
Zac: Can you tell the Questing Blade I said hey, just to...
Cody: Ricky says hi.
Thirsting Blade: Who? Who says hi?
Ricky sighs loudly and squeezes his eyes shut, looking down.
Cody: Did you hear that, Ricky? It was, like, confused.
Ricky: It's okay, I don't know if you can just keep--
Sofia: To be fair, it spent like three years with Dale.
Ricky: Yeah, yeah.
Sofia: I mean, he's a real presence.
Ricky: Okay, nevermind. Yeah, just I'll just keep helping you as much as I can.
Sofia: He might have reformat… Maybe Dale reformatted the Questing Blade.
Thirsting Blade: My previous master Dale made me into nunchucks. So, that was, you know I could do something like that.
Ricky: So you remember Dale? You remember Dale?
[Emily laughing]
Thirsting Blade: [passive-aggressively] Is someone talking right now? Is someone talking right now?
Ricky: I'm talking. My name’s Ricky. I used to, [stammers] you used to, I used to have an axe that was you.
Thirsting Blade: Oh, weird. I don't remember being an axe. I just remember just being given away, and no one even saying goodbye. So, that's what I remember.
[Emily laughing]
Lou snaps sassily.
Cody: My sword is fucking pissed at you, dude.
Ricky: I never, I... wow, okay.
Thirsting Blade: No, but it's fine. It is what it is, you know? As the monks so often say, Anyway, yeah, "Thirsting Blade," cool. "Use the darkness to defend the light." Do you want me to spray blood or shoot poison or venom?
Cody: Thirsting Blade, yeah, am I a fucking rebound to you, dude?
Thirsting Blade: What?
Brennan gets very close to the camera.
Thirsting Blade: Whoa, whoa, Cody, you are not a rebound, no way.
Cody: ‘Cause, I know you fuckin’, like, it just seems like you're not that fucking hungry for blood even though you're the thirsting blade.
Thirsting Blade: I'm super hungry for blood. Cody, oh my God! Wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, listen.
Cody: Okay, yeah, 'cause I'm just saying, you seemed freaking pissed and when people are, y’know, a lot of emotion there.
Ricky: Could you tell the Questing Blade that I--
Cody: It's actually the Thirsting Blade, Rick.
Ricky: Okay.
Ally: “Rick!”
[cast laughing]
Ally: All of a sudden the CW logo appears on the corner of our screen.
[cast laughing]
Ricky: Yeah, all right. I'll give the Questing Blade a little time, but I am very sorry. I didn't, yeah, I'm very sorry.
Cody: No— Are you saying sorry to me or sorry to the sword?
Ricky: The sword.
[cast laughing]
Brennan: You guys, so, you're getting ready. Everyone else is getting ready to head out to Nod. Pete, what was your errand that you wanted to run real quick?
Ally: Okay, I would love to hit up 53\/3N.
Brennan: Cool.
Ally: And then, I guess I check in really quick. I'm going for a couple of different reasons, but Kingston or whoever has the hard drive, maybe I'll see.
Pete: Do you guys want my friend to look at this, or do we feel really solid about JJ? Not to distrust JJ, just wasn't sure if he, you know, maybe—
Sofia: I was gonna—
Ricky: The weird hacker drug dealer would maybe be better?
Pete: Honestly, yeah. He's pretty bulletproof.
Kingston: Hey, I mean, I want this company dead more than anything in the world right now. So if there's any edge your truly horrible friend could give us, I'd take it.
Pete: He’s horr— He has no social cues and he has no empathy, but he's extremely good at what he does. And he's set up a perfect life to where empathy is not that important. So, and that's fine for him. Honestly, living his ideal life, his à la carte life, you know?
Kingston: Yeah.
Ally: Anyway, should I take that and can I hit up 53\/3N and be like,
Pete: Hey, man. It's been a second, but I actually really need your help with something.
Brennan: You see, you get a text back immediately being like,
53\/3N: How long have you had this phone? And who knows this number?
Ally: Oh, oh, oh, oh great. I tell him,
Pete: I'll throw the chip in the microwave on my way to see you.
Brennan: Copy. You see, he says,
53\/3N: I can help you out. Are you looking to re-up? Been a while.
Pete: Not that, it's a couple other of your services, ;)
Ally: [laughing] And then I immediately regret sending a bro winky face.
Brennan: You see, he says,
53\/3N: Okay, if you're not working for me, you're gonna have to pay like everybody else.
Pete: Yeah, I get it. No worries.
Brennan: Rad. Yeah. He says,
53\/3N: Done and done.
Ally: Okay, great. I take the SIM card out of my cell phone and just truly ruin Ricky's microwave. I say,
Pete: I'm so sorry!
Ally: I put two minutes on the microwave. The chip explodes, your microwave is ruined. And then I say,
Pete: Who has cash? 'Cause I'm gonna need--
Ricky: Hey Pete, what are you doing?
Pete: Listen.
Iga: I have cash, what do you need? I have cash, what do you need?
Pete: I just need a couple thousand. I will pay you back eventually.
Iga: Okay. Is it for this stuff?
Ally: Okay, I take an Uber to see 53\/3N. [laughs]
Brennan: Iga, do you want to hook Pete up?
[long pause]
[Ally laughs]
Siobhan: Yeah. I guess I'll ask everybody like is this a thing that we want to do?
Sofia: I think it's not a bad idea.
Kingston: Yeah.
Iga: Okay. Technically Sofia, this your money anyway. So, let's go with it.
[laughing]
Ally: I tell Iga, I'm like,
Pete: Iga, I know so many freshmen and sophomores at Columbia College who would die for a reading from you. So I will—
Iga: Yeah, just recommend them to me. Send them my way.
Pete: I will.
Sofia: I've also given you a Yelp review every single time I've gone to you.
Iga: Yes, and I gave you that $15 discount every single time.
[Emily laughing]
Ally: 15 off of like, 250 or whatever!
Iga: Okay, look, I'll give you a discount—
Sofia: My most recent one said, “She pulled the tower card and showed me I was falling off a tower, and I lost my job like, the next day.”
[cast laughing]
Brennan: Pete, are you heading to go give that to 53\/3N right now?
[tense music]
Ally: Yeah.
Brennan: Cool. You swing by 53\/3N's place. You walk in, huge refrigerated warehouse, no visible furniture, giant cooling units hitting servers. He's just at a giant multi-screen PC, gold-plated AK-47 next to him.
Ally: Incredible.
Brennan: You see there's a huge bunch of just like plastic-wrapped, some kind of intense drug substance next to him. There is a small dog wearing a sweater and shoes nearby, 'cause it's so fucking
freezing cold in here. He turns around and goes,
53\/3N: Pete, my man. Good to see you. So, again, no chance of re-upping?
Pete: No, not at all. But here, I brought your favorite trash foods.
Ally: And I give him like nacho cheese Cheetos and like purple Skittles and like cotton candy soda.
53\/3N: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. This is what I like.
Pete: Okay, man, I got three things I need your help with and you can tell me what your price is.
Ally: But, one, I think I… Can I give him the scroll and have him put it in whatever insane vault shit like high, high safety.
Brennan: He says,
53\/3N: You You want me to fucking vanish this thing?
Pete: This is stolen art that I need not to be able to be found.
Ally: And I think before that, I just read it all. I tried to absorb it but—
Brennan: Cool. He says,
53\/3N: Done, it's gone.
Pete: Okay. Then I need you to find out everything you can about a Calvin Thomas? Just need a background check, or if you know any PIs or something, honestly, I guess I could hire them. But, you're pretty good at that.
Brennan: You see, uh—
The other cast members start to laugh as they realize what Pete just asked.
Siobhan: I just gave you 2000 dollars to research your ex’s new boyfriend.
Ally: It's just really important. So sorry guys, I did have to dip out for an hour.
Brennan: [crosstalk] He nods—
Ally: [crosstalk] You see, it’s— No, there might be something more there! Actually. Yeah.
Emily: I weirdly am ready for—
Ally: How strong is— what does he bench? Like, that's what I'm trying to find out.
Brennan: You mentioned Calvin Thomas. He says,
53\/3N: What's your third thing?
Ally: Can I do an Insight check on what his reaction is to Calvin Thomas?
Brennan: Sure, give me an insight check.
Ally: [raises their eyebrows] 8.
Brennan: You got no idea.
Ally: He's hard to read. All right, cool. And then the third thing is, I give him the hard drive and I say,
Pete: This thing is really fucked up, but there's something going on with Gladiator. I don't know if you’ve been notice—
53\/3N: [looks sharply up and points aggressively] Fuck Gladiator, dude, fuck Gladiator.
Pete: Thank you man, ex-fucking-xactly.
53\/3N: State collaborators, panopticon motherfuckers. I fucking hate them.
Pete: Exactly. This might be able to bring them down. This thing goes deep.
Ally: And then I explain as much of this web as I know about, and then I ask him if he can really go into these drives, but a lot of them are extremely protected and they completely ruined a computer or whatever.
Brennan: He nods. He says,
53\/3N: Fuck 'em. Hey Pete, I'm gonna charge you.
Brennan: He looks and says,
53\/3N: For disappearing this,
Brennan: He says,
53\/3N: It's gonna be four and a half K. The Gladiator shit, I do for free. Thank you for the fucking lead, dude.
Pete: You're welcome.
Brennan: You see, he says as he says that by the way, you hear a reverberation of what Kingston yelled in Queens the other day. [echoing roar] It is echoing. Kingston's declaration is echoing throughout people, who even when they are fucking extremely unpleasant like 53\/3N is, are proud New Yorkers. You see that 53\/3N looks at you and goes,
53\/3N: Hell yeah. You're not fucking drinking Cypher, are you, right?
Pete: No dude, no. Wait, are you? I know you—
53\/3N: Dude, if you are not makin your own fucking nutrient sludge, you are a stooge.
Brennan: And he points to giant crates. He's like,
53\/3N: Proteins, fats, amino acids. Food is a lie to get you to consume from retail outlets. You boil food down to its barest essentials, I make my own food now. I have thousands of pounds of various powders that make up what a human needs to survive. I have boiled my eating time down to eight and a half minutes a day. I sleep three hours a day, super productive.
Pete: That’s sick.
53\/3N: I'm getting only REM. Cypher, that bullshit, it knocks you out of your REM cycle. You can't dream while you're drinking it.
Pete: Wait, how do you know that?
53\/3N: Dude, you gotta be reading the zines I send you. I'm sending you these zines all the time— You don’t have my shit blocked, do you?
Pete: I got all the zines. I just didn't have time to read a zine. Sometimes you look and it's just a picture of an open vagina and you're like, I don't need to read the rest of this.
53\/3N: [pointing to his temple] Yeah, it's a metaphor, Peter.
[cast laughing]
Pete: All right, cool. It's a fucking cool zine. I'm sorry, I'll read it next time.
53\/3N: There's nothing wrong with a vagina. We all—
Pete: Duh, dude, duh. Fucking duh, do you know me?
53\/3N: I know you, dude. That's what I'm saying. It's like that when I see a zine with a vagina on it, I go, great, serious literature. I'm gonna learn something.
Pete: Good.
Brennan: You see that he, he looks at you and says,
53\/3N: Yeah, don't drink that Cypher garbage.
Brennan: He says,
53\/3N: I can make you a nutrient sludge. You want me to make you a batch?
Pete: Yyyyyeah, for sure, man. I would love to try that actually.
Brennan: He looks at you and says,
53\/3N: Rad. Just, as for the Calvin Thomas thing? I'm gonna be diving into this Gladiator shit. That's gonna be my main focus.
Pete: Okay.
Brennan: He thinks for a second and says,
53\/3N: I can put up, I can farm this out to someone, or I could put you in touch with her... It would be weird for me to put— I think it might be weird for me to put you in touch with her though, because she's been looking for you, and I put her off your trail specifically. But, she's the best at what she does.
Pete: Wait, what?
Brennan: He says,
53\/3N: She specifically finds people. She's a dirt-digger. She's like an internet PI.
Pete: Yeah?
53\/3N: She reached out specifically, but she knew that you were working for me, but she hasn't known recently. But I can put you in touch with her if you want.
Pete: No. Wait, was she fucking hired?
Ally: And then I name some of the names that we have now from like, you know, I mean, obviously like Tony.
53\/3N: No no, no, no. She wanted to apologize, but I don't fucking rat people out.
[tense, slightly discordant music]
Brennan: You see, he looks at you and says,
53\/3N: She was the one who found you working for your family.
Pete’s eyes widen.
53\/3N: This is like years ago. But I didn't mention it to you because—
Pete: Like when my dad found me?
53\/3N: [nodding] Yeah. She was working for them. She fucked up and wanted to basically return the money. She said, "Can you put me… She knew where you lived, but didn't want to broach it that way, because you stopped living at that place in Greenpoint and she couldn't find you anymore. And so she reached out to me, and I was basically like, I don't fucking rat people. I'm not even gonna mention this to Pete. I won't even mention it to Pete for three years. And that's where we are right now.
Pete: Dude, I love that. All right, so the thing is I brought $2,000. I can move some stuff for you for the rest of it.
53\/3N: Great.
Pete: Okay.
Brennan: You see, he puts some bricks in front of you.
Ally: [putting their face in their hand] Okay, I put them in my bag.
[Lou laughs quietly and also covers his face]
Brennan: Put them in your bag.
Ally: So much money.
Brennan: You see, he looks and says,
53\/3N: Do you want me to put this woman in touch with you? She really is the best.
Pete: Yeah... I'll deal with that later. But, you can put her in touch with my third bumper Gmail.
53\/3N: Cool, you got it.
Pete: Okay. Great. All right, well, good to see you, man.
53\/3N: Hey, good to see you too. We're gonna fuck these fucks.
Pete: Yeah, we are.
53\/3N: All right.
Brennan: Cool. Pete, you head out.
Emily: Can I
Ally: I try to sell my Uber driver all of the drugs?
[cast laughing]
Brennan: Give me a Persuasion check.
Ally: Okay, okay, that's actually pretty high. That is a 22.
Brennan: Oh, yeah, he'll buy $20 off of you.
Ally: God, no, I'm talking about like $2,500. [laughs] All right, I sell him a little bit. We'll just fucking will eat away at this. Fuckin’ damn it.
Brennan: Pete!
Ally: Can I stop by a corner store and buy a scratcher? And if I hit a Nat 20, I won $2,500? [laughs]
Brennan: Hey Ally, yes, we can do that. If you hit the Nat 20 right now, you hit a scratcher.
Ally: 17! All right, all right, all right. We'll figure this out as we go.
Siobhan: Oh, you won another ticket.
Brennan: Yeah. So, now you have 15 new dollars.
[Ally laughs]
Brennan: Cool. You have those bricks. You head out having given the hard drive and the stuff to 53\/3N. 53\/3N has put you in touch with this, apparently, person who wanted to reach out to you to apologize for having tracked you down. And you can't think about that right now. You're about to head to Nod. You have a bag full of drugs. The hard drive is in 53\/3N’s hands, he’s on it. And Forms of the Greater Dreaming is being disappeared. Everybody else, Esther basically says that she needs to be available. She talks to you, Ricky, about JJ and goes,
Esther: I don't think it would be bad to get JJ out of the city, especially if Tony has been really aggressive to him. If you want to bring him to have a wizard from the Society with you, I think that could be a good idea. He has been studying the maps of Nod. He knows it like the back of his hand. He's really been focusing on it.
Ricky: Okay, yeah. I wasn't sure if he was… It's a big thing, so I wasn't sure if he was ready. So it's like, if he feels ready, then let's take him.
Brennan: She shrugs and says,
Esther: You know, he's as ready as you were when you started.
Ricky: [nodding] For sure, for sure.
Esther: Just keep an eye on him.
Ricky: Cool.
Brennan: Cool. You guys get to the L train platform to take the L to the end of the line, baby. It's the six of you. I assume Ox is there as well, Misiek, Luna. JJ rolls up, T-shirt, sneakers. Got his laptop tapped into a battery pack in his back pocket. He looks over at you, Ricky, and is like,
JJ: What's up, man?
Ricky smiles and gives him two thumbs up.
JJ: Excited. I know it was only a couple of weeks ago, this is not the Holland Tunnel. I'm ready to throw down. I hope I don't slow y'all down. And I hear that one of the places that we want to swing by is the Met. So, I have a little spell I concocted myself,
Brennan: [booping noise] And you see that he pulls up a little like 2D portal, like eight-bit kind of image thing that is big enough for him to slip a hand through. And you see he's like,
JJ: So hopefully, while the Vox Phantasma is doing his thing, I'll be able to sneak through from another dimension and straight up snag all of that Native art while the museum's closed. So, rock and roll, hell yeah.
Ricky: That sounds awesome.
Brennan: You see, he's like,
JJ: Hell yeah, I might—
Iga: Can I have one of those? Can I get one of those?
Brennan: He says,
JJ: Yeah, let me, and if I can just grab your dimensions real quick and I can try to make one.
Brennan: And he starts to show you how to do the cantrip, which is like a little dimensional. It's like, if you're in one dimension, you can just shove your hand into the mirror of that place in another dimension. You guys take the L all the way into Nod. [train chugging] You arrive. It is the last few days of November. And you see that there is beginning to be snow kicking up from Nod. As it was when you took the L train all the way here the last time with Pete cradling Nod in his arms and walked to the Poseidon Diner. You guys walk out of the train into the Sixth Borough. Lots of lights are out. You look around. This place is flooded with raw Umbra. The feeling you get walking through Nod this time is not one of being in immediate danger. Not the feeling of a predator breathing down the back of your neck. The feeling instead is that of being in a forest in which there is something so dangerous out there that everything else has left. It is a new moon in Nod, and the woman in the moon is not even showing her face. There are stars in the sky still, but you do not see gleeful dream creatures bounding through the sky, nor do you see shooting stars. The stars are still twinkling, but no comets sail past. The place that has gone quiet with the awareness that something is out there in the distance. You make your way to the Metropolitan Museum of Dreams. As you arrive, JJ speaks up and says,
JJ: Okay, well, whole other dimension, oh my god. [laughs] The Dreaming. [laughs] What? Okay.
Ally: I put my arm around JJ.
Brennan: He immediately says,
JJ: Ooh, it feels better. Okay, yeah. Hey, we're here with the Vox Phantasma, right? What's gonna happen? We got the Vox here. We're good, we're good.
Brennan: Kingston, you have your little Metro card that gives you access to this place. And as you walk through, the mist no longer retreats from you. You walk through the mist.
Lou: Okay. Honestly, I don't try and full fly, but can I float now?
Brennan: Kingston has done a lot of work on his heart over the past three years. What's something that is not true in Kingston's waking life that is like a dream or some fantasy that would fill Kingston's heart with light and levity and joy?
Lou: Oh, oh, what is it? [thinks for a second] Why is this hard? I think 'cause the first thing I thought of was children, like immediately it's kids.
Brennan: That's okay. That's okay. Yeah, I think Kingston… There's obviously sadness there as well, but there's also, the thought of it does bring you joy. You think of what a child that would look like, your and Liz's child would look like in your arms, and you lift up from the ground and kick your legs out a little bit as you—
Kingston: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, all right.
Lou: And then I immediately try and come down.
[Emily laughs]
Brennan imitates a thudding landing.
Kingston: Cool, cool. Okay, things are different this time. Okay, all right.
Brennan: Hey, Pete telling people to stop smoking at a hospital, if the Vox Phantasma is saying, "Follow the rules," the Vox Populi can certainly float a little bit in the dream realm. We're in a healthier New York, gang. Yeah, I think Kingston holds onto that dream for a moment. And the fact that it's a dream, doesn't mean it's not beautiful. And that's enough to lift you off your feet.
Cody: So, can we all fly now, or?
Murph: Cody just jumps.
Brennan: [makes a boinging noise] You sort of jump a little bit. JJ speaks up and says,
JJ: Okay, so the Metropolitan Museum of Memories has a very complex layout and structure. There's a lot more inside than the normal Met. But if what you guys are worried about is that unicorn spirit, that got moved into a wing I think near Arms and Armor, which is like the old medieval stuff. I don't know how dream world expedition works. Should we split up? Is there something that you all want to do?
Iga: No.
Pete: Never split up, not in Nod.
[cast laughing]
Brennan: You see JJ kinda goes,
JJ: Cool, okay. Good to know. I'll make sure to keep my bearings around me.
Brennan: Awesome. You guys begin to head further in. Pete, you can tell something has entered this place. Something's not right here. It's also dark here.
Ally: Do I get a sense of where Nod is? Am I able to kind of intuitively know where they are?
Brennan: Yes, I think so. You know that Nod is way probably way up on their cloud in Brooklyn. You guys, I think, swung by here first, because you were worried about this unicorn thing.
Ally: For sure, okay.
Siobhan: Can I use Misiek to do a Perception check?
Brennan: Yeah, go for it.
Siobhan: 'Cause Misiek is good at perceiving things that you can't necessarily see. Dirty 20.
Brennan: Misiek flies out. Everyone here, give me a little Insight check.
Emily: 13.
Siobhan: Oh, I rolled a Nat 20.
Ally: Yessss.
Brennan: Cool.
Zac: 17.
Brennan: Iga, you call to Misiek. Misiek looks up and goes up onto your shoulder and licks your face a bunch. And you see Misiek's eyes go wide. As a little bit of this new power flows through you, Misiek looks a little bit less sick. And I think for anyone else here who rolled a 15 or above, part of you might, maybe wonders like, "Where did Iga get this little dragon thing? These are not native to New York." I mean, there's weird shit all the time. But I guess no one is like, "What is this little guy?" Misiek [growls] flies off and Iga, you see just in the dark, flashes its little like reflective animal eyes over at you, and slinks over and looks into the Arms and Armor exhibit and growls and taps for immediate danger.
Emily: I cast Jump on myself.
Brennan: Cool.
Siobhan: Yeah, I'm gonna cast Freedom of Movement on myself.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Zac: Can I use Divine Sense?
Brennan: You cast Divine Sense. You detect a powerful celestial presence in the next room that is dying.
Siobhan: Ooh, shit.
Emily: Uhhh, okay, I think I'm just gonna run towards it.
Murph: Yeah, let’s go.
Brennan: Cool, you guys sprint—
Emily: Sorry, I don't think that I would be logical in this situation.
Brennan: Hell yeah. You guys feel the danger. Ricky, you sense something is hurting in there. All of you sprint. You come through the doors, darkness everywhere. Looming in the faded light... All of you can look through the doors and see a beautiful unicorn chained to the ground covered in blood. This is the Unicorn of New York City, one of Kugrash's totems. And there are four animated suits of armor on Barding, hovering ghostly over it, stabbing it to death with their lances.
Lou: Ohh!
Emily: Okay.
Ally: Jesus Christ.
Brennan: As PCs, you guys are only gonna be able to see what is actually visible to you. [the Roll20 map is partially covered in blackness] The rest, if it's behind the wall or through a door you haven't gone through, will be represented in darkness. I, however as the DM, am able to see the whole map. Everybody roll initiative. A 22 from Sofia. Iga?
Iga: 12.
Brennan: Cody?
Murph: 4.
Brennan: Pete?
Ally: 18.
Brennan: Ricky?
Zac: 13.
Brennan: Kingston?
Lou: 17.
Brennan: 17, hell yeah. Here we go.
Lou: Vroom, vroom.
Brennan: Vroom, vroom, baby.
Ally: We've had a long rest, right?
Siobhan: Yeah.
Ally: Since the last, yeah, okay.
Zac: Oh, whoops, my health is probably a little lower too.
Brennan: You guys hear smashing coming from the side chambers off of the main place, but see those knights preparing to, like, do in the unicorn. But you also do hear other things. The hall is bigger. There are side galleries and other things like that around. First to act is Sofia Lee.
Emily: All right, I'm just gonna… This is bathed in shadow, right?
Brennan: Yep.
Emily: I'm just gonna Shadow Step to right over one of those knights. I'll go for the top right one. And I'm going to just attack.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Emily: I roll with advantage, and I absolutely fucking missed on my first attack.
Brennan: How far is Shadow Step by the way?
Emily: 60 feet.
Brennan: Cool. Yep yep yep.
Emily: And, but my second attack, I got a 23.
Brennan: 23 is going to hit.
Emily: Okay, so, [seeing her die] ooh, I do 13 with my right hook and then… Oh, and I used my bonus action. So yeah, that's all I do.
Brennan: How much do you do with that attack?
Emily: Just 13 damage.
Brennan: Give me an immediate either Insight or Arcana check.
Emily: Oh no. I got a 19 plus 3 for Insight, so 22.
Brennan: Your fist goes [swooshes]. You can tell that you've done some damage here. You beat a 20, right?
Emily: I beat a 20 on my Insight? Yeah, I got 22.
Brennan: Your monk training kicks in. This is some dream magic. You specifically think it's some time magic. You're looking at these things and when you hit it, you feel your fist shake in a way that you did on New Year's Eve when the time stone went off and you were trapped in a single moment. You feel that this armor is partially protected by its historicity. That there is literally something about the fact that your fist is from the present and this thing is from the past, that means it has resistance to what you just did to it.
Emily: So, it means it wants history. History will hurt it.
Brennan: History will hurt it, exactly.
Siobhan: Well, we're in a room full of weapons.
[laughing]
Emily: I will throw in a Stunning Strike just in case. I don't think it's...
Brennan: Cool. You spend the ki point and learn that these things are immune to stun.
Emily: Okay, I had a feeling that might happen. [laughs]
Siobhan: Worth a try.
Emily: You have to try it once to find out that it won't work.
Brennan: That's Sofia's turn. Next is… this… Ah-buh-buh-buh… You see, silently the unicorn reaches out and does one of the only things it can do, which is cast Pass Without Trace on Sofia. Looking up from a blood-soaked face, it goes,
Unicorn: [Southern accent] Oh hey there, sugar. You look great.
Brennan: And shadows swirl around you.
Sofia: Thank you so much. You know what? We're gonna get you out of here, okay?
Unicorn: Oh, thanks. Oh God, I'm in so much pain.
Sofia: No, we're getting you out of here.
Brennan: Hold on one second.
Ally: [laughs] I forgot about the Unicorn's voice.
Brennan: [laughing] The Unicorn, that's what the Unicorn sounds like.
Ally: [imitating the Unicorn] What are you doing here?
[laughing]
Zac: When did we meet the unicorn again?
Brennan: Pete—
Ally: I think in my first drug trip, like—
Zac: Oh.
Brennan: Into Nod, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Okay. Pete, that's gonna be you.
Ally: Okay. I run forward to here. 30 feet. Hell yeah. And then I am going to cast Banishment on the unicorn.
Emily: Ooh.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Ally: And then, ooh, I'm actually, yeah, I'm gonna use a sorcery point to make that a bonus action. So, it'll be a Quicken Spell, or two sorcery points. And then, I'm gonna use my action to hide.
Brennan: Ah, hell yeah. Go ahead and make a Stealth check for me.
Ally: That is a 19.
Brennan: A 19, awesome. A 19, damn. Pete, you jump into the shadows and hide. That is going to be… The Unicorn vanishes. Pete, you fold the unicorn into pure Dreaming where these mounted Plate and Bardings cannot reach it. And after Pete, that goes to be Kingston Brown.
Lou: Okay, so first I need to move myself, because I just can't see. I can't see anything.
Ally: Oh, I guess I yell,
Pete: There are people in the other rooms!
Ally: 'Cause from where I'm standing, I can see at least some sort of token.
Brennan: Cool.
Lou: I'll come stand next to Pete. And the Unicorn is like the one, is like the thing, like that's the celestial that we sensed needed help. And it's now safe.
Brennan: That is correct.
Lou: Okay, great. Let's try something crazy then. I'd like to cast Summon Celestial Spirit.
Brennan: Ooh!
Lou: And call forth a spirit from the Upper Planes.
Brennan: [rubbing his hands together] Hell yes. Okay, hold on one second. Um.. Yeah, we're gonna do this. Cool. You reach out to call a spirit from the Upper Planes. You are in Nod. This has never been more appropriate. You rush in, call... Summon Celestial. I'm gonna go ahead and get that little thing for myself. Go ahead and roll initiative for this celestial if you’d be so kind, and let me know what you roll.
Lou: Great.
Emily: Did you write down your guess, Zac?
Zac: I did. It's like—
Emily: I wrote down my guess too.
Lou: Their initiative will be 16.
Brennan: 16 you say, okay.
Zac: Yours is 17, right?
Brennan: Yes.
Lou: Mine is 17.
Murph: Wow.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Lou: This is wild. Damn, look at me out here summoning shit, let's go. Let's go, this thing’s got a fly speed.
Emily: It's gonna be history too, I think.
Lou: I hope.
Ally: Oof!
Brennan: What's this called again, sorry? It's called a celestial spirit.
Lou: Yes, it's Summon Celestial Spirit. I just did all the math in terms of, like, its AC and it's HP.
Brennan: Cool.
Lou: And I'm gonna summon a Defender Celestial.
Brennan: Kingston, you reach out and summon [magical boom] celestial spirit. Light reaches into the Met all the way from JFK in the distance. [heavenly chiming] Alejandro Ortiz appears next to you.
[cast gasping]
Emily: Oh, I was wrong. I guessed Kugrash. [holding a piece of paper up to the camera; it does say “Kugrash” but it immediately vanishes into the background]
Brennan: Oh, Kugrash!
Lou: Oh, that would have been crazy.
Zac: [holding up his guess] Stephen Sondheim.
Brennan: Stephen Sondheim, incredible.
Emily: I did think Alejandro, but I couldn't remember his name.
Brennan: So you see Alejandro Ortiz.
Alejandro: Oh, my friend Kingston Brown, it's good to see you again.
Kingston: Alejandro, so good to see you. I'm not gonna lie, I've never done that before. Did not know it would be you. How you feel about kicking some ass right now?
Brennan: He says,
Alejandro: Honestly, I love paradise. My wife, she is so beautiful. But to lay the smack down one last time with my good friend, it would be an honor.
Kingston: Let's get it.
Brennan: Yeah, you call on your authority for the importance of this mission to New York City. Because you are in Nod, Alejandro is able to appear. He's in the dreaming. It's contingent to paradise.
Lou: So, is he gonna have Alejandro stats, or is he gonna have these… 'Cause this whole thing, it's like a melee fight.
Brennan: Alejandro is about to take his cane and lay into this like an angel wizard. He's about to fully go for it.
Lou: As Alejandro takes his turn, can I yell at Alejandro,
Kingston: Hey, the cane's not gonna cut it. You're gonna have to use maybe some of the weaponry in here.
Alejandro: Oh, something from the historical period attached to the… Okay, yeah!
Kingston: Yeah.
Alejandro: I can do that.
Brennan: Amazing. He's gonna go right after you.
Lou: Great. I think that's, I'll, that'll be the end of my, that's everything… I don't have any bonus actions I'm gonna do at this time. So, that's the end of my turn.
Brennan: Hell yes. Incredible. Alejandro is going to, yeah, he's got a fly speed of 40 feet. The first thing he's going to do, and he's Defender, right?
Lou: Yes.
Brennan: Okay. Go ahead if you would be so kind. He makes a number of attacks equal to half the spell's level rounded down?
Lou: So, he'll make two.
Brennan: He'll make two attacks, okay.
Ally: Wow, cool.
Brennan: Amazing. He'll make two attacks. He moves over here. He's first gonna make a History check. It's a DC 20 History check, but he's got a plus eight to History. [the roll is a 12] He hits it exactly. Alejandro looks over and says,
Alejandro: Okay, around late 13th century, so that's pretty much within the wheelhouse of what we can expect, something like this.
Brennan: He reaches out, grabs a mace from one of the things and in a flash of celestial light leaps forward. Go ahead and give me two attack rolls for him.
Lou: Hell yes. That first one's gonna be a, I don't think it'll hit. Yeah, won’t hit. That second one... Also, two 3’s in a row. Alejandro does not make contact.
Brennan: He's having a great time.
[Zac laughs]
Kingston: Alejandro, stop having fun.
Alejandro: No, this is so fun. You have no idea. I was in paradise. I was with my wife, beautiful sunset as always. And then a thing comes up and an angel says, "Hey, the Vox Populi of New York City is in Nod, and has actually asked for us to send..." And I was like, "I will be so happy to do this.” So, this is incredible, man. You look so great. [fanboying] You and Liz! Oh my God! My friend—
Kingston: Alejandro, focus!
Alejandro: Okay, focus up. I hit the armor, yes, yes, yes.
Brennan: Incredible. That is Alejandro's turn. Now it is going to be the Plate and Barding, oh no. Okay. Sofia, you can get a swing on one of these suits as they both advance away from you.
Lou: Oh, I don’t like that.
Emily: Oh, okay. I mean, hmm. Is there any way I can, as I swing, wrap some of their, uh, wrap some of their clothing around my fist to make historical fistwraps?
Brennan: Make a Sleight of Hand check. DC 20, Sleight of Hand.
Emily: Okay. It's gonna be a 12, so I don't. [laughs] And I'm gonna just try to attack. I get a 21 to attack.
Brennan: 21 hits, go ahead and roll damage.
Emily: That's 10.
Brennan: Hell yes. You strike it again feeling that move away from it. The unicorn is safe. However, these two back up and are both going to charge Sofia.
Emily: Oh, you had me use my reaction so I can't use Shield!
Brennan laughs evilly, sticking his tongue out.
Emily: That's really good stuff, and you deserve to hit me.
[cast laughing]
Brennan: Incredible. Both of them are going to rush past you.
Emily: Wow, that's really good stuff.
[quiet, dreamlike background music]
Brennan: That's that good stuff. That's the stuff we like, you know? Okay. Both of them are going to rush past boom, boom. And that's going to, they're gonna make some attacks now. That's a hit for sure. [the background music crescendos into something faster and more drum-heavy] And, we'll go again. Those are two more hits.
Lou: Boo! Boo!
Brennan looks down below camera and causes a loud rattling.
Zac: Oh my God. You hear that amount of dice?
Ally: Jesus!
Lou: I hate that.
Emily: [crosstalk] I don’t know, I guess he wants me to do extra radiant damage.
Lou: [crosstalk] They do chaos damage, that means we're gonna have a problem.
Brennan: I hear you, I do hear you. Let me go ahead and get a strength saving throw from Sofia, if you'd be so kind.
[dramatic music]
Emily: [impressed laughter] Oh, that's gonna be, okay, that's gonna be a 25.
Brennan: Okay, you are not knocked prone, which is good. However, that's gonna be... one, two, three, four, five, six, [rummages around behind himself] need more dice.
Lou: Boo! Boo!
[Emily laughs]
Siobhan: No, fewer dice, fewer.
Lou: Shame. Can I shame you into using fewer dice?
Emily: I can’t get over this fucking con.
Brennan: I’m just gonna do this in Roll20, 'cause this is...
Lou: Don't do this.
Siobhan: Down with this sort of thing.
Lou: I thought we shamed you enough to stop this kind of behavior.
Emily: [laughing] I feel so delightfully conned for taking that opportunity attack.
[cast laughing]
Ally and Lou: Delightfully conned.
Emily: This is like when Madam Anastasia reads my tarot.
Brennan: Sofia takes 55 points of damage.
Lou: Hachi machi!
Emily: I look up as blood trickles from my nose and say,
Sofia: The thing is you don't realize you just made me stronger.
[Brennan laughing]
Ally: Absolute freak!
Brennan: Okay. This one is going to rush past... Okay. This one's going to barrel past Kingston to get an attack on Kingston.
Zac: Barrel past who? Sorry?
Brennan: Attack of opportunity from Alejandro.
Lou: Okay.
Zac: He’s barreling past Kingston to attack Ricky?
Brennan: He's gonna get an attack on both of you.
Lou: Does a 13 hit?
Brennan: Does a 13 hit? No, a 13 does not hit.
Lou: Hey-achi.
Kingston: Alejandro, focus up!
Alejandro: It's hard, it’s so much fun to be fighting again. I missed you guys so much. Sofia, oh my God. Ricky, hello.
[laughing]
Brennan: He says,
Alejandro: When you live in paradise, the stakes are very low.
Sofia: So it's boring there?
Alejandro: No, it's great. But it's like, what's gonna happen? They're gonna kill me and I'm gonna go back to be with my wife forever? It’s fine!
Brennan: You see that you guys are… They're gonna get some swings on you now. That's a hit on Kingston. Is that a hit on Ricky? I don't think so. No, it is not. That's a miss on Kingston on the next one. And a hit on Iga. Kingston, you take 20 points of damage. And I think only one of them hit you, right Kingston?
Lou: Yeah, that's what you muttered to yourself, yeah.
Brennan: Great.
[Emily laughing]
Lou: What's the Con save for concentration?
Brennan: Oh, that's right. Iga, you take 21 points of damage. I'm also gonna need a Strength saving throw from Kingston and Iga. And concentration is DC 10, Kingston.
Lou: I got an 8 on the Strength saving throw.
Siobhan: I rolled a natural… Sorry, go ahead.
Lou: Okay. Nat 20 on the concentration check.
Brennan: Cool. Kingston, I'm gonna need another Strength saving throw, because you going down that first time, means that the other one rolled with advantage.
Lou: [disapproving] Oh, what's this? What’s this?
Brennan: It's how it goes.
Lou: The second Strength saving throw is a 7.
Brennan: You take 21 points of damage, and I'm going to need another concentration.
Lou: Is this 'cause I said that thing about you muttering? Alright? Cause you—
Brennan: Sorry, sorry, 18. It's 18 points of damage to Kingston. And I'm gonna need that second concentration.
Lou: So, DC 9 or DC 10?
Brennan: DC 10.
Lou: That's gonna be a 19. A natural 19. Alejandro is not going anywhere. Me? Maybe.
Brennan: These knights, [mimics galloping] well, actually sorry, no hooves, just ghostly surging forward floating in the air and lances rake out across Iga. Sorry, what was your save again, Iga?
Siobhan: I rolled your natural 1.
Brennan: You are prone as well.
Zac: Can you use luck?
Siobhan: I can, but I only have two luck points left. And I think I can, 'cause I can activate my Elemental Gift as a bonus action and then just fly away.
Zac: For sure, for sure.
Siobhan: Like, prone to the ground, I think. I don't think I need to get up necessarily.
Brennan: Incredible. Ricky, that's gonna be your turn.
Zac: Okay, do I have my Divine Sense still going? I felt the celestial being being killed, but I wasn't sure if the Divine Sense had any sort of ping off of these ghost knights?
Brennan: You're not getting anything off of these animated suits of armor other than them threatening the unicorn here.
Zac: Can I hold up my sword and see if it feels like it matches the time period of them?
Brennan: Give me a History check with advantage.
Zac: Okay. Got it. Ricky has a plus 0 to history, but I rolled a 19.
Brennan: Hell yes, you feel like probably from these knights, it's probably from the time period.
Zac: Okay, all right. I'm gonna just attack. Let's do that.
Brennan: Hell yeah, go for it.
Zac: All right. Does a 20 hit, or 19 hit?
Brennan: A 19 does not hit.
Zac: Fuck.
Emily: Ooh.
Lou: [flipping Brennan off with both hands] Wow.
Emily: Ooh. Brennan was in a bad mood when he planned this session, huh?
[cast yelling and laughing]
Emily: I know.
Siobhan: Brennan was in a very good mood when he planned it.
Lou: Something tells me after we whooped those clowns…
Siobhan: He did this a lot. [mimes tapping her fingers together like an anime villain]
Lou: My man took a little extra lunchtime. Put a little bit more work in during lunch.
Siobhan: Oh, you're making fun of my clowns? Well, I'll show you.
Lou: Yeah.
Emily: I think I'm still giddy from getting conned into using my opportunity attack. [laughs]
Brennan: Incredible.
Zac: Fuck, 13 misses too.
Brennan: Shit.
Zac: So, I missed twice. And I'm gonna use a bonus action to cast Sanctuary on JJ.
Brennan: Hell yeah. You got Sanctuary on JJ. With that Divine Sense, you sense another celestial presence other than the unicorn from deeper within the gallery as well.
Ally: Fuck.
Lou: That’s what I thought.
Zac: Gosh. Could I, I might try to take my movement… I feel like I gotta protect… Can I just take a step up just to see if not leave the threatened area? Well, I guess I do need to leave. Sorry. I kinda just want to see what's in here. [laughs] I want to just go here.
Brennan: Cool.
Zac: I guess he gets an attack of opportunity on me.
Brennan: He does, he's gonna take a swing. That's a Nat 20.
Murph: God.
Brennan: Ricky takes 19 points of damage from that knight.
Zac: Okay, I'm gonna Rebuke the Violent. And... As my reaction, and make him take 19 if he fails to save.
Brennan: He's gonna make that save. On a natural 8, he fails. Takes full 19 points of damage. [mimics small explosion]
Zac: Okay, I'm gonna to move over here and I'm gonna see if Ox can take JJ to this corner over here.
Brennan: Cool.
Murph: That's smart.
Brennan: Hell yeah. He can do that right away, no sweat.
Siobhan: Wait, what kind of damage are these guys doing?
Brennan: Piercing.
Siobhan: Oh, okay, cool.
Brennan: Okay. That is going to be JJ, who has just moved in with everybody else.
Zac: Can I make a Perception check now that I've moved in here, 'cause I see something and I don't know what it is.
Brennan: Yeah, go ahead and give me a Perception check.
Zac: That's a 16.
Brennan: Yeah, you look and see a kneeling, colonial, continental army uniform with a musket and bayonet. With a readied action…
Zac puts his face into his hand and laughs quietly.
Brennan: ...the uniform takes a shot and you are barely missed with a musket ball, boom.
Ricky: What is that? [shrieks]
Lou: Okay, so not fun stuff.
Brennan: So this uniform fires at you, and the musket ball runs away.
Siobhan: Oh, this other one is the samurai. So, this is the muskets in where you are and the other one is samurai weapons, in the Met. I don't know if it's like that in this thing.
Brennan: Yeah, there's a ton of stuff.
Emily: The one across the way?
Siobhan: Yeah, the one that Ricky isn't in. The ones to the south.
Emily: Yeah.
Siobhan: In the actual Met is like samurai weapons.
Brennan: Yes, you see that there are different armors and stuff running around in here with different stuff. JJ is gonna make a History check real quick. He's got a plus 8 to this as well. 17! JJ holds out his hand. Cantrip shatters the glass, and tosses a musket to you, Ricky. He's like,
JJ: Ah, it's got no ammo, but it's from that dude's time period!
Ricky: So, I can hit him in the head with it?
JJ: Yeah, I think so!
Brennan: Iga, that's gonna be you.
Siobhan: Okay, I'm going to activate my Ghostly Gaze, so I can see through solid objects including with Darkvision to a range of 30 feet.
Brennan: Hell yes. You guys see a fencing sort of renaissance figure with a rapier, but it has not seen you. It's smashing the glass. You're back over here.
Siobhan: I am going to activate my Elemental Gift, so that I can fly.
Brennan: Awesome.
Siobhan: And I'm gonna fly up. I'll take the opportunity attack. I don't see any other way of doing it. I'll move to like here.
Brennan: You take 13 points of damage and are now up high altitude out of the reach of their lances. Hell yes.
Siobhan: Hang on a second, Misiek still has to go.
Brennan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Siobhan: I'm actually gonna send Misiek into this second... And I'm telling everybody what I see in all of the places.
Brennan: Cool, great. So, Misiek's gonna move right in there, bam!
Siobhan: Okay, great. Can I use my Ghostly Gaze to see if there's anything inside this armor?
Brennan: Sure, the armors are all empty. They're purely animated.
Siobhan: Okay, that's good to know.
Brennan: Awesome. After Iga goes, hell yeah. Ricky, you see that a suit of armor wielding a scimitar several centuries old from the Ottoman Empire begins to... sees you in the hallway and charges at you with a double move, ending its turn right here.
Zac: Oh, that's what I thought attacked me earlier. That's what I could see. Oh, okay.
Siobhan: Oh, okay.
Brennan: Cool.
Siobhan: Cool.
Zac: Cool.
Brennan: That's its turn. Cody, that's you baby.
Murph: Sweet. I don't suppose I'm so lucky that the questing blade… It's throughout the ages. So technically, I mean, that's of all things' ages, right?
Brennan: Give me a History check, Cody.
Murph: Okay.
Brennan: I'll set the DC the same as Zac's, which is a 15.
Murph: Okay. I'm rolling like shit today, 6!
[Emily laughing]
Brennan: Looks like the questing blade actually may not cut it on this one.
Murph: Okay.
Ally covers the camera with their hand, then pulls it away sharply and pretends to be shocked, wheeling their arms.
Murph: Then this glass case here. Oops, sorry. Let me make sure I'm on the right thing. This glass case here, does this look like the same kind of armor and weapons as the guys in here?
Brennan: Yes it does, absolutely.
Murph: Great. I would like to… It's 45 feet away. Assuming I have my moped, 'cause it's my steed, I would like to just do the charging attack. [laughing] Just essentially just run my moped into the glass as hard as I can.
Brennan: Hell yeah. Great. You smash it into the glass. Go ahead and just give me an Acrobatics check if you'd be so kind.
Cody: Yeah! Fuckin’ yeah!
Emily: Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. A moped accident.
[laughing]
Lou: In the Metropolitan Museum of Art of all places.
Siobhan: It just donks into the glass, doesn't make a dent.
Murph: The idea of riding a motorcycle around a museum is absolutely a dream that Cody has had.
Emily: We are in the dream world.
Zac: [Cody voice] Wouldn’t it be sick?
Murph: [laughs] Would be awesome.
Siobhan: [Cody voice] They should fuckin’ just let you take the city bikes in there.
Brennan: Incredible. What was your--?
Murph: My attack?
Brennan: Or, give me a Dexterity saving throw.
Murph: [laughs] Awesome. Uh, 18.
Brennan: Cool, you don't take any damage as you smash through the glass.
Cody: [crashing glass] Fuck yeah, fuck yeah, dude.
Brennan: Great. You grab one of the weapons from this time period. Go ahead and give me a History check to see what if you can grab a good weapon from this case. This is definitely the right case, but go ahead and give me a History check.
Murph: Come on. 12?
Brennan: Cool. Yeah, you grab a longsword. Not as good as your questing blade, but you grab a longsword off of one of the suits of armor. You have a weapon from the time period.
Murph: Sweet. Okay, so I've used 45 feet of movement. I may need to hop off my moped to keep going, 'cause I only have 60 feet of movement. Okay, I am just going to… Let's see, what do I have? Is it 15 feet from the mopeds to this guy?
Brennan: Oh, just about, yeah.
Murph: [laughing] Great. I'll smash it, grab something, then keep going with the moped and go after this dude.
Brennan: Hell yeah. It's a full joust, baby. You're on a moped with a sword. You grab it out of a smashed piece of glass.
Cody: You have no idea how many times I've been to Medieval Times.
Brennan: Go ahead and give me an attack roll.
Murph: Sweet. First things first, let's start it with a Thunderous Smite as a bonus action. And then, I will make an attack. [claps] 27 to hit, with a nat 19.
Brennan: That's gonna hit.
Zac: Hell yeah.
Murph: Great. So then I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go all out just this once and have fun. Just this one time. So, I've got, I'll just roll it right here. So, I've got 1d8 from the longsword, plus 1d8 from my new improved Divine Smite. I will do a third level Divine Smite to get 4d8's.
Brennan: So, that's 6d8 so far.
[dramatic music]
Murph: And then, 2d6 from the Thunderous Smite. Oh, and I didn't add my bonus, plus 9.
Brennan: Ooh!
Murph: Oh wait, no. Plus 8, because it's not a plus one weapon any more. So, plus 8. So, 43 damage on the first attack.
Brennan: Damn! Plus 8, 43?
Murph: Yeah.
Brennan: You ride up on your moped and, like a baseball bat hitting a tin can, just crunch in a huge section of the barding on that animated armor, looking hurt.
Murph and Ally: Hell yeah.
Brennan: You have another attack.
Murph: Sweet. My... [laughs], I'm so stupid that this is flavored as a moped. My moped, oh wait, my moped did an attack. It rammed into the thing, nevermind. Rolled a nat 1.
Brennan: Oh no! You way overextend and kind of skid and hit your knee on the ground. Your moped kind of topples over a little bit. You're taking a big swing off of a moped.
Cody: Ow! Shit!
Zac: I'm imagining all the sounds that Ricky heard, 'cause he cannot see this. Sort of like… [imitates moped engine, then glass breaking]
[laughing]
Murph: It's like, "Oh shit, where is this from? Oh, this one will do, it's fine. [yells] I must go all out all this once! Oh fuck! Ow, my knee!”
[laughing]
Brennan: Incredible.
Ricky: Seems like he's doing okay.
Brennan: The continental soldier closes with you Ricky, and is going to take some bayonet attacks. That is a nat 20.
Murph: Jesus.
Zac: Shit.
Brennan: Yikes.
Lou: Now, these aren't clowns at all. These aren't true clowns.
Brennan: These are not clowns. I was also rolling very badly during the clown fight. I just want that—
Lou: Uh-huh.
Siobhan: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. It’s never happened before.
Brennan: [high-pitched] I was too!
Siobhan: Oh my goodness.
Brennan: Incredible. 7, Jesus! 15, plus 5… Ricky, you take 20 points of damage as this guy runs up and bayonets you.
Zac: Ow.
Lou: What are you at, Ricky?
Zac: I'm at 66.
Lou: Cool.
Brennan: Sofia, that is your turn.
Emily: Okay.
Zac: Can I use my Channel Divinity to try to make him take that 20 damage as well?
Brennan: Um… Yes, you can.
Zac: I can't remember if—
Brennan: No, you got your reaction back. You do have your reaction back.
Zac: Okay, cool. I'll just do that.
Brennan: Let's see.
Zac: Wisdom saving throw.
Brennan: Wisdom saving throw DC—
Zac: 16.
Brennan: Oh, these guys have a minus 4 to their Wisdom save. Yeah, absolutely. 20 points of damage, right to him, blam. Incredible. Sofia, that is your turn.
Emily: Okay, do I get the vibe that the rooms that Ricky and Iga are in, 'cause there's three different doors going into it and I can't see, but do I feel like it goes into one big room? So, Ricky and Iga have line of sight on everything that's in there?
Brennan: I think you, you've been to the Met before. So, you know that once you're in the middle of one of those side galleries, there is a straight hall that goes all the way to the rest of the side galleries.
Emily: And then is there… Do I get the sense that there's something deeper down here? I'll use the ruler to point, down this way.
Brennan: You do. I think you do sense that there's other stuff down there, yeah.
[quick, tense music fades in]
Emily: Okay. I think for now I'm just going to, I want to punch in the, I want to punch in the glass case and grab maybe two sort of like coat of armor… [patting the back of her hands]
Brennan: Oh, gauntlets?
Emily: Gauntlets.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Zac: Hell yeah.
Emily: Do I get the sense that will hurt these guys right here?
Brennan: Yes, you absolutely do. Go ahead and give me a History check just again to see how good of a thing you can grab.
Emily: Okay. I mean, History check? [laughs] 15.
Brennan: Yeah, you run up and smash the glass with the elbow, kshhh, and you grab… You guys see Sofia now has the cat paws, around, giant… Sofia you're not the tallest woman in the world so, you have these, your gloves, you look like Hulk hands. These are huge medieval gauntlets.
Sofia: They're nice, I should give ‘em a manicure.
Brennan: [laughs] Go for it.
Emily: Okay, and then I'm going to attack this rider.
Brennan: Hell yes.
Emily: And what I'm going to do, let me see, okay. First attack, ooh, that is gonna hit! That is 27 to hit.
Brennan: That hits.
Emily: And now I add a d4 radiant, right? 'Cause I'm at less than half.
Brennan: You absolutely do, that is correct.
Emily: Boy, I rolled poorly though. So, he takes 9 damage. Going to attack again. 13 plus 9, 22, will that hit?
Brennan: That hits.
Emily: All right. I rolled two 1s. I'm rolling so poorly. So, that's another 7 damage. And then, do I get the sense that these spectral creatures that if they… that they can charge up in the air? Like if I jumped up on top of this on top of this case that I just punched a hole in. If I jumped up on top of that, will he still be able to charge me?
Brennan: It looks like no. Iga soared up above them, and one of them kind of lunged and levitated back down to the appropriate height for a mounted knight.
Emily: Okay, then I'm gonna spend a ki point to hop backwards onto that case.
Brennan: Cool gotcha. Great, great, great. Hell yeah. And you're not even out of its threatened area if you're up on that case, 'cause it does have 10 feet of reach with that lance heads up. So, that lance is pretty long.
Emily: Oh, in that case, why don't I just jump? I mean, I have my full movement. I have Jump cast on me. I could literally just jump my fall movement.
Brennan: Up to the ceiling? Cool.
Emily: Yeah, up to the ceiling.
Brennan: He's gonna get a swing as an attack of opportunity.
Emily: Oh, no, I used a ki point to disengage.
Brennan: Cool, then you're totally good. You just dodged a natural 19.
Emily sticks out her tongue with a grin.
Brennan: That is Sofia Lee's turn. Pete, that's you. You are still in hiding. I'm also gonna need a, I believe you're on one, two, three. Give me a wild magic surge for last turn.
Ally: All right. Hey, four.
Brennan: Cool. One, two, three, four.
Siobhan: How does that keep on happening?
Ally: Yeah. Okay, I would like to go straight to this thing that's already been crashed open by the moped.
Brennan: Cool.
Ally: And get a weapon. Is that a roll?
Brennan: Dope. Go ahead and give me a little History check there.
Ally: Let's see, that is a 16.
Brennan: Cool. Yeah, you can just grab a sword straight up, longsword out of there.
Ally: Are there any guns in there? Any muskets or anything like that?
Brennan: Not in this one. You'd have to go into some of the side chambers to look for those.
Zac: And they might be for different time periods, right?
Brennan: Yeah.
Ally: Gotcha. Okay, then I grab a sword and then I have, wait. [sighs] Okay, I'll just use the sword, nevermind. I was gonna do some fuckery, but I decided not to.
Brennan: If you want to do some magic and some fuckery, you can absolutely go for it. Also, if you want to combine one of these historical items with a spell, that's also totally okay.
Ally: That's my question. Okay, here it is. And feel free to veto this But I wanted to obviously use Quicken Spell, so that I can cast Minor Illusion and get ready for the fuckery. We are in dreamland. So, potentially an illusion can become real. I am going to Minor Illusion a vial of dysentery
and pour it on this sword.
Brennan: [laughing] Cool. Hell yeah. Yeah, if Pete wants to do that, do that shenanigans, go for it.
Ally: Does it change anything about the sword? Okay.
Emily: I want to watch this and see this Minor Illusion thing.
Ally: Yeah. Let's see. Well, I can't really get to anybody. I guess I just have this sword ready. Is that what I want to do? Interesting. You know what? Yeah, okay, we'll just stick with it.
[Zac laughs]
Ally: Let's just fucking stick with it, I made my bed. And I put dysentery all over it.
[cast laughing]
Ally: I got diarrhea in my bed. Nothing left to hide with. God dammit. Shit the bed.
Murph: Do spells not work?
Zac: I think spells would work, right? I mean, I dunno.
Ally: Oh really?
Brennan: Yeah, you can… If you want to do some spells, do some spells.
Ally: Wait, I thought like, no, it all had to be from the time period. That's just with weapons? This changes everything.
[Emily and Murph laugh]
Brennan: Yeah. Do spells, Pete, go for it.
Murph: Could you use Minor Illusion to just wave the sword like a wand and shoot a Fireball instead of giving it dysentery?
[laughing]
Brennan: I love the creativity, don’t get me wrong.
Emily: I feel like the illusions are real.
Murph: You absolute maniac.
Zac: You eventually die. You eventually die from bubonic—
Murph: Yeah, exactly.
Ally: Listen, everybody [laughs] I'm just trying to think outside of the box.
Siobhan: Three to eight days these ghosts will die of a painful death.
Ally: Why on earth would I ever do any of that? No one can…
[cast laughs]
Ally: I simply, let's see. I'm just gonna cast Cone of Cold
[Murph laughs]
Ally: And I'm just gonna do a normal Cone of Cold try to… Let's see, 60-foot cone. Can I hit both of these?
Brennan: I think so. Yeah, for sure.
Ally: [sings as they measure the distance] Da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, they're only 15 feet apart.
Brennan: Oh, absolutely you can hit both of them. Yes, yes, yes.
Ally: Cool, I cast Cone of Cold and I Minor Illusion some dysentery onto that cone.
[Emily laughing]
Siobhan: Real brown water.
Brennan: Pete, go ahead and give me an Arcana check real quick and then give me that cone of cold damage.
Ally: Okay. Ooh, Arcana is 25.
Brennan: Pete, you're in dreams. You clock, you read one of the plaques about, okay, like late 1200s. Grab that sword and just slash a hole in time open to an incredibly fierce blizzard from the 1200s here in dreaming.
Ally: Incredible.
Brennan: Go ahead and roll your Cone of Cold damage.
Emily: Is the Cone of Cold gonna come through? 'Cause they're [laughs] dysentery.
Murph: It's just shit and snow.
Zac: It’s frozen, but the bubonic plague.
Ally: So, a Minor Illusion a scarecrow, and then I have everyone worship me. Okay, that's 38 to each.
Brennan: Incredible, they both failed their saves and take full damage.
Ally: Incredible.
Zac: Have we killed anything yet?
Siobhan: No, not yet. Not anywhere close.
Emily: I'm in really bad shape to do anything [laughs] without being able to stun. Maybe other things can get stunned though.
Brennan: They're looking hurt, hurt, hurt. That is gonna go from Pete's turn. Things moving around in the dark.
[dramatic music]
Siobhan: Oh, here he comes. Here is that samurai.
Brennan: Moving out there, bada-boom. That's going to be Kingston, that is you.
Lou: I call to Sofia.
Kingston: Sofia are you going hunting, or are you just staying out of the line of fire?
Sofia: Oh yeah, so I don't mind being a little hurt, but I am gonna just keep disengaging to sort of keep myself from getting attacked. I think I'm in a position that I won't be able to get super hurt a bunch.
Kingston: Okay, are you going further into the museum to see if there's anything else there or are you—?
Sofia: Yeah. I have Pass Without, the unicorn cast Pass Without Trace on me, so I thought yeah, I might, I might stealth it.
Kingston: Goddamn, that is kind, okay.
Sofia: It was really sweet, yeah.
Kingston: Great, well, we'll hold it down in here.
Lou: Okay, Brennan, shenanigans question, can I call on those same thoughts and feelings that allowed me to float earlier to now fly?
Brennan: I will allow you to call on those same thoughts and feelings to roll either Athletics or Acrobatics with advantage. Yes, absolutely.
Lou: Wait, but can I fly? That's my real question. I'm not interested in hovering anymore. I'm now interested in fly.
Brennan: I'm gonna need Kingston to make a flat Wisdom check without proficiency, because Kingston is not practiced at whimsy and you need to, on a flat Wisdom check, if you hit a 15, you can levitate a little bit off the ground. And on a 20, you can fly this round. It's a round to round thing.
Lou: Great. So plus 5 to the roll, 15 I can levitate, plus 20 I can fly?
Brennan: Correct.
Lou: Oh, that's a 14.
Brennan: Oh no! You just try to summon the thoughts and grounded reality comes in and spoils your happy thought as you attempt to fly. What does Kingston do?
Lou: Great. I can’t, I'm like within his 10 foot reach of this guy?
Brennan: With both of them actually.
Lou: With both of them, okay. I think I'm gonna, hmm… I'm gonna, [groans nervously] I’m gonna disengage.
Brennan: Cool.
[Ally laughs]
Lou: I'm gonna disengage. I'm gonna go five… I'm gonna come and, this seems dumb. Oh, come on. I gotta… Yeah, I'm gonna disengage and dart into like, here.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Lou: Oh, and there is stuff going on in here. Great, I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna disengage. Let's see, how far can I go?
Brennan: You can get through the doorway, and you'd be out of the reach of those knights.
Lou: Okay, I just don't know what's in this room.
Zac: I can tell you.
Lou: Okay.
Zac: Where I'm at?
Lou: Yeah, I'm in here now. Yeah, I'm just gonna come in here. It's just weird, 'cause it's like—
Ricky: There's two dudes in here.
Kingston: The darkness is very, it's upsetting.
Ricky: I can't see really much at all.
Kingston: Me neither.
Lou: [laughs] Okay, yeah, I disengage and run into this room where they're not big knights.
Kingston: Oh shit, okay. Oh, there's shit in here too.
Zac: Are you up here?
Lou: Yeah, I think I just ran… I'm just out of your reach.
Zac: Okay.
Siobhan: If you go up one more square, Kingston, you can see through— you can see down the whole hallway.
Lou: Okay. Okay, perfect. Okay, yeah. I could see down the hallway.
Brennan: Cool.
Lou: What a thrill. There's a lot of broken cases up ahead, y'all.
Brennan: It's actually going to be, JJ slipped in the initiative a little bit. So, JJ is now going to go. He's going to throw a Fire Bolt right at that continental soldier.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Zac: All right.
Ally: Where is JJ?
Lou: King shit, JJ.
Zac: Top left corner.
Brennan: 19 hits!
Lou: JJ!
[crew applauding]
Siobhan: Yes, JJ!
Brennan: Hell yeah. We love to see it.
Lou: We love to see it, JJ.
Brennan: He deals 8 points of fire damage to that thing. [burning flame sound] Throws a bit of flame at it. And that is going to be now I believe, now it's Alejandro's.
Lou: Yeah, so he'll close with that knight, first attack. Does a 23 hit?
Brennan: 23 does hit.
Lou: Okay. Is there anyone within 10 feet of him?
Brennan: No, I don't believe so. Or no, Cody's within 10 feet of him, yeah.
Lou: Cody, have you taken any damage?
Murph: I don't think so. No, not yet.
Lou: I don't think it matters. He does 17 points of damage, and then gives Cody 17 temporary hit points.
Cody: Holy shit, thank you.
Brennan: Holy shit!
Sofia: Alejandro, this is a good incarnation of you.
Ricky: Yeah.
Brennan: He says,
Alejandro: Listen, you put a wizard into paradise to study all of heaven's books. He does not get less powerful. You know that thing wizards say, where they go like, “Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you ever…” It's true, I am vastly more power—
Brennan: Hwaah! And just thuds with the mace into the like horse snout of this Barding. He looks at you and says,
Alejandro: You are Cody 'The Night Angel' Walsh, yes?
Cody: [nodding] Yeah.
Alejandro: I am Alejandro Ortiz. I am an angelic celestial benefactor, former head of the Gramercy Occult Society. Be well.
Brennan: And you see you are covered in protective runes and light.
Lou: All right, and he'll go again.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Lou: That's a Nat 20.
Brennan: Holy shit.
Ally: Hell yeah.
[cast cheers]
Siobhan: Yes, Alejandro.
Lou: Alejandro come in after not focusing up, here he is.
Murph: After that first round.
Emily: He focused. There was just too many people in the room, he was distracted and socializing.
Lou: Exactly, I needed to get out of the room, so that Alejandro could focus up. That's gonna be 6, 7, so 13 plus 3, 16 plus 5 for 21 points of damage.
Brennan: Alejandro yells at you, Kingston, and says,
Alejandro: Why did you leave the room right when I was going to do something cool for the first time? My best friend, I miss you!
Kingston: We're gonna do a lot more cool shit, all right?
Alejandro: Okay, wait one sec.
Brennan: Alejandro turns and says,
Alejandro: You face the wrath of a wizard?
Brennan: His eye goes gold, he takes out his Juul. [takes a drag]
Alejandro: Peter, it's still cucumber habanero!
Brennan: In a runic smite, he not only thuds into this knight, he fully disenchants it and all of the armor thuds across the room. On a Nat 20, he reveals that disenchanting works particularly well against these animated suits of armor.
Lou: We love to see that. We love to see that!
Zac: Love to see it.
Brennan: Incredible. Kingston with this summon, this summon is good, man.
Lou: What's up, dude. Thank God you let us level up, 'cause I don't think I would've gone back to the spells and been like, “Oh, what's new?” I would have been like, “Well, I have what I need.” But no, thank you Unearthed Arcana.
Brennan: Just in time for the Plate and Barding to go, you have removed one of the biggest enemies from the board right before their turn, baby. Cody, you're gonna get a swing, attack of opportunity on one of these dudes. As he backs up, go ahead and take it.
Murph: Okay. This dude is quite hurt, right? 'Cause he took a Cone of Cold and my big hit.
Brennan: Yes.
Murph: Okay, come on. [shakes his head] Um… 15.
Brennan: 15 does not hit. Two attacks on Pete.
Ally: Ooh, two? Wait, doesn't Iga get an opportunity attack?
Brennan: No, because she's out of range.
Siobhan: Sorry.
Brennan: Those are two 19s.
Ally: Shield.
Brennan: You cast Shield. They both overcome the Shield. Each of them just got a 27.
Ally: Goddammit.
Brennan: Pete, you take 49 points of damage.
[Ally whistles]
Lou: Goddamn.
Brennan: I'm gonna also need the first four of those are eight, three, that's 16, 20, 26. I'm gonna need a DC 13 concentration check.
Ally: Okay.
Zac: What spell do you have? Oh.
Ally: Hey, 18.
Brennan: Hell yeah. Next one is gonna be 8, 5, 13 plus 4 is 17, plus 6 is 23. Next is gonna be a DC 11 concentration check.
Ally: Okay. 17.
Lou salutes in relief.
Brennan: You pass both of them. The Unicorn stays safe.
Ally: Fuck yeah.
[dramatic music]
Brennan: This dude is going to back up. This guy is going to continue charging past you to keep charging at Cody. This guy's going to charge Cody again. One's gonna get a second attack not as a charge. That one misses Pete. Two attacks coming as charges onto Cody. One of those is a hit. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Cody, you take 17, 22, final attack.
Lou: Cody, what are you at?
Murph: I'm still at 81.
Cody: 'Cause of the dude with the Juul. That dude rules.
[Brennan laughing]
Lou: He does rule.
Brennan: Then that is Plate and Barding, as the knights charge through the room. That is now going to be Ricky.
Zac: Okay. Can I hold my musket up in front of this guy with a musket in front of me, and have Ox bite it out of my hand and hit him with it, so it's Ox attack with the musket?
Brennan: Um, uh, yeah! 100%. Yes, go for it.
Emily: A dog with a gun.
Zac: Ox is going to try to attack this man with a gun.
Brennan: Cool.
Zac: So that would be… He gets a plus 6 for, to hit for biting. Would that—
Brennan: Yeah.
Zac: Can I just use that?
Brennan: Yeah, use that one.
Zac: And he has Pack Tactics. And I'm right next to him, so he has advantage.
Brennan: Go for it.
Zac: Does a 14 hit this dude?
Brennan: A 14 does not hit this dude.
Zac: Okay. Okay, well, that's Ox's turn. Pretty cool turn. I am, okay. So, Ricky is gonna take an opportunity attack, I think.
Brennan: Cool.
Zac: And step back over here.
Brennan: Awesome.
Zac: To hopefully see those dudes. I'm gonna use Dispel Magic on this dude.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Zac: Whichever one doesn't look that hurt. I dunno if any look more hurt than others on first glance.
Murph: That one's not hurt.
Zac: The one fighting Pete?
Murph: Yeah, there's only one that's hurt, I think. That one's hurt.
Zac: Okay.
Brennan: One— yeah.
Zac: I'm gonna use it on the one that's fighting Pete.
Brennan: Hell yeah. Okay, this is a big one gang, hold on. Ricky's DC is 16. We're looking for a 12 or lower here, gang.
[dramatic music]
The roll is very nearly a 20 but instead a 14.
Ally: Can I—
Brennan: Oh, you want to do Bend Luck?
Ally: Yes, please.
Brennan: Go for it. Roll your d4. 2, that's exactly what you needed.
Emily: Yeah!
Brennan: Pete, you warp the dream realm. Ricky, you rush in here, reach out to stop this harmful magic. The armor clatters apart, and falls to the ground disanimated.
Zac: Hell yeah. And I think I probably got an attack from that thing in the last room. I don't know if you rolled that yet.
Brennan: Yes, we're gonna go ahead and resolve that right now. That is a hit. Ricky takes 8 points of damage from a bayonet.
Zac: Ow.
Brennan: Incredible turn, Ricky. That's gonna be Iga.
Siobhan: Oh boy! God, this is not… There's not an enormous amount that I can do.
Murph: Iga, if you can do a little bit of damage to this dude in front of me, I can try the same thing Ricky just did. I also have Dispel Magic.
Siobhan: Oh, you do?
Murph: I can maybe take out the full health guy.
Siobhan: I'll Eldritch Blast the guy—
Brennan: In front of Cody.
Siobhan: In front of Ricky. He's had quite a lot of damage, right?
Brennan: Correct.
Murph: Yeah.
Siobhan: Okay. That is a, sorry, a 26.
Brennan: That's gonna hit.
Siobhan: A dirty 20.
Brennan: Dirty 20 hits as well.
Siobhan: And then one that doesn't hit, a 12.
Zac: You get to fire three times? Wow.
Siobhan: Yes, now that I'm 11th level.
Emily: Cantrips are good.
Brennan: Go ahead and roll your damage.
Siobhan: Great. 6 plus 14, so 20 damage to him.
Brennan: Iga, what do you, as you reach into the core of yourself, you're flying overhead, where do you go magically? This is the first real battle magic you are doing after having that confrontation with the ghosts in the chest and reaching out to that thing in the deep bottom of the castle.
Siobhan: I weirdly think that in the past Iga's magic has looked very flashy but fake. And I think now she's just not putting any effort into that stuff. So it doesn't look as exciting, but it looks like real magic.
[quick piano music]
Brennan: You guys see, Iga reaches out for this Eldritch Blast and a channel opens of pure legend. Helixing, flittering banners through the gaps of which you guys can see ancient forests and castles and swords flicker out. And this suit of ancient Eastern European armor from a castle in what would be modern day Poland, you connect with it and for a moment, the face of the ancient Polish knight that once wore this looks at you and in Polish goes,
Knight: What the hell?
Brennan: And collapses to the ground, disanimated. As part of you reaches out and connects with that story, and you feel something reach out and remember that story, the armor is, not only have you disanimated it, you've also mended it. It no longer has the injuries that it had before and it's actually perfectly preserved, though it is no longer harming you.
Siobhan: And then I would like for Misiek to grab one of these, these are all broken in here, right? The glass is all broken, it's on the floor?
Brennan: Yes, correct.
Siobhan: So, I'd like Misiek to grab a katana.
Brennan: Hell yes.
Siobhan: And then fly it out to Cody.
Zac: Fuck. [head in hands]
Murph: Oh hell yes!
Siobhan: 'Cause he's gonna need it in just a second.
Cody: Oh my God.
Ricky: Goddammit.
Cody: This is the best day of my fucking life. Every day I wake up, this is the best day of my goddamn life.
Zac: Ricky’s like, pretty hurt right now, like.
Cody: First a fucking devil shows up, flying in a freaking balloon and fight people. Now I got just swords everywhere, free swords. Armor’s alive.
Ricky: Cool. Cool.
Brennan: Cool, super cool. Cool. Misiek runs out and grabs that sword. This dude sees Kingston enter. He's going to step here. Make three attacks against Kingston.
Lou: Three?
Siobhan: What?
Lou: [high-pitched] Three?
Brennan: Kingston, hits you for, Jesus I'm rolling well, for 25 points of damage. Gonna need two DC 10 concentration checks.
Lou: 25, damage okay. Number one, oh, what's the DC?
Brennan: 10.
Lou: That's a 9.
Brennan: Brutal. You see, as it reaches out and slashes, Alejandro looks out at you, Kingston. It sort of surges past and says, “You guys—”
Ally: Oh, Bend Luck!
Brennan: What's that?
Ally: Can I Bend Luck? I'm so sorry, I should've been quicker with that.
Brennan: No worries.
Ally: I mean, it's no matter what, right? 'Cause you were one off.
Lou: Okay, great. So now—
Brennan: Hold on, what was the last thing you bent luck on?
Zac: You bent luck on my turn for Dispel Magic.
Murph: Yeah, it’s a reaction, right?
Zac: Have you done it twice since—
Emily: It probably will take a reaction.
Brennan: Takes a reaction to do, I'm pretty sure.
Ally: Yeah, it does take a reaction. My bad, sorry, sorry.
Brennan: No worries. ...But I also want this to not happen. [consideringly] So, I'm gonna do just a straight up Pete, give me a wild magic surge in order to go ahead and give me a wild magic roll one through four, as you reach deep into your—
Ally: 13.
Brennan: 13? Great. You may burn more sorcery points to Bend Luck in this instance to keep Alejandro here. I'm gonna need that second DC 10 concentration check from Kingston.
Lou: [laughs] That's a nat 1.
Brennan: Oh no! Pete, you reached out and Bend Luck, spend the sorcery point for the extra reaction. And Alejandro goes,
Alejandro: Yes, we're going to… Oop! [boom]
Brennan: And you see that, Kingston, you are slashed by this weapon but also feel something severs the cord that Alejandro is connected to you here by. Alejandro vanishes to paradise and says,
Alejandro: Kingston, Kingston, I will be waiting for you in the JFK of Nod. At the Cinnabon, find me at the Cinnabon!
Brennan: And vanishes.
Ally: That sounds good.
Lou: Incredible.
Ricky: Nooooooo!
[laughing]
Ally: Your "NOOO!" is to the idea of eating at Cinnabon.
Ricky: It's too many empty carbs.
Brennan: Incredible. This fencer rushes out of one of the side galleries to close with you, Pete, but has no movement left. That is going to be Cody.
Murph: Sweet. Take my new katana, do a little twirl. And then I go,
Cody: I'll have to wait to use you ‘til later.
Murph: And then I say,
Cody: Two sides of the same coin.
Zac puts his head in his hands again.
Murph: And I cast Dispel Magic on the armor and wink at Ricky. [laughing]
Brennan: Hell yes.
Zac: Just to really paint a picture, [laughs] for a Japanese person to see a man, a white man, with a katana. Look, look, it's the situation, it is what it is.
[cast laughing]
Brennan: Cody is a true shithead in this moment.
Zac: I know he doesn't mean anything by that.
Brennan: I love it so much.
Murph: He used the Dispel Magic, not the katana.
Brennan: Incredible.
Ricky: Can you please just let me use it?
Cody: Do you want to use the katana?
Ricky: I kind of do, I kind of do. I'm sorry—
Murph: Can I chuck the katana to Ricky?
Iga: Just 'cause the samurai guy was just about to jump out of the door towards Cody. Otherwise, obviously I would’ve given the katana to you.
Emily: Oh, that's quite logical.
Brennan: Oh yeah. Cody hears Ricky say that, and you have a free object interaction on your turn.
Murph: Yeah, hell yeah. I'll toss the katana to Ricky.
[cast laughing]
Cody: I'm more of a Raphael anyway.
Ricky: [pained] Okay.
Brennan: That's Cody's cultural reference for katanas. It's the Ninja Turtles! I love it so much. I'm more of a Raphael anyway. Cool. You toss it across. Ricky, you're holding the musket in one hand, you grab the katana in the other. Cody's DC is 16. These dudes need a 13 or higher, and we have no more Bend Luck coming from Pete. Here it comes. 11!
Ally: Hell yeah.
Brennan: Bazathrax roars in your chest,
Bazathrax: Fuck out here, dude! Fucking get lost.
Brennan: The armor collapses, boom! Last Plate of Barding. Last Mounted Knight of Barding. You guys will make quick work of those knights. Incredible. It's back to the top of the order, that's Sofia.
Emily: Okay. I'm going to, just in case Pete gets hurt, I think… Do I have a concept of if Banishment would make the Unicorn re-emerge on the platform that it was banished from?
Brennan: Yes, it would reappear right there. You've seen Pete use Banishment before.
Emily: Then, I'm going to cast Darkness in a 15-foot radius around where the Unicorn would reappear if they're unbanished, if Pete loses his concentration. And then I would like to stealth, I can walk on walls, so I would like to stealth into this next room.
Brennan: Hell yeah, go for it.
Siobhan: Just like The Gift, like the ghost from… Not The Gift, the Grudge. Just like crawling around.
Emily: Yeah, maybe I’m just like crawling on the ceiling. [laughs] Okay, so I have a lot of movement, so hold on. So, I guess I'll just kind of like walk around. And it's really hard to see here. Let me just try to measure, cause I—
Brennan: I would actually scoot back out four cells to your left, if you would.
Emily: Four cells to my left. Oh, okay. So, what am I seeing here?
Brennan: You see the hallway around the gallery up here and you look down and see a hallway with the unicorn tapestries from the Cloisters down there. With the unicorn tapestries from the Cloisters, with the unicorn erased from the tapestries.
Emily: Okay, can I then Step of the Wind and run to it?
Brennan: Yes, absolutely.
Emily: Where is it precisely? Is it down here?
Brennan: Yeah. You run down there and as you now see, Sophie, the unicorn tapestries in the Cloisters, and something that is only here in Nod, stashed away, it is a giant plinth of stone.
Emily: Is it a sword in a stone?
[Siobhan gasps]
Brennan: It is a giant sword in a stone.
Ally: I think we know which one of us is gonna be able to pull it.
Murph makes a truly alarmed face at this.
[cast laughing]
Emily: I mean, I guess I'm gonna do it. No, I'm kidding. [laughs] Okay.
Siobhan: You should try.
Emily: I think even though I just stealthed in here, do I see any combatants in here that I'm gonna alert if I shout?
Brennan: You don't see any combatants in here.
Sofia: Okay, there's a sword and a stone in here. I'm a monk, so I don't need it. It feels like, I don't know, maybe someone really special with a heart of gold should come in here and claim this weapon. [laughs]
Murph: You hear a moped revving.
[cast laughing]
Lou: Jesus!
Brennan: Incredible.
[Ricky yelling]
Brennan: That's Sofia. Oh sorry, I actually forgot that our Continental army thing is gonna go. Ox is gonna get an attack of opportunity. Or actually, sorry. Sanctuary, right? JJ has Sanctuary on him.
Zac: Yeah, so he has to pass the—
Brennan: It's a Wisdom save, right?
Zac: Yes.
Brennan: Absolutely fails the wisdom save, JJ is protected, but is gonna go for Ox.
Zac: Okay.
Brennan: Hits Ox for 13 points of damage.
Zac: Okay. Oh, okay, he's still up. He's got 19, so.
Brennan: [barks] Ox yells at this… I was gonna take a second attack, Misses Ox on the second attack. That is now going to be Pete, that is you.
Ally: Awesome, I am just going to take a full dash.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Ally: And then, can I prepare a Cone of Cold?
Brennan: You already have Cone of Cold. You do by the way take 5 points of damage in an opportunity attack. Oh sorry, no, 10 points of damage from that Renaissance fencing attire as you move away.
[spooky, discordant background music]
Ally: Gotcha. Okay, interesting. Actually, yeah, I'm just gonna ready a spell that I have as a bonus attack.
Brennan: Oh, so you're gonna do Quicken Spell to ready the action? I will allow that particular shenanigans in this case.
Ally: Amazing, and cool. I mean, I'm not quite sure what I'm preparing. Do I have to know that for sure?
Brennan: Yes, you actually, with a reaction, you need to give me what's gonna trigger it, and what it is that you're doing.
Ally: I am preparing Dispel Magic from my bracelet for like if someone magical comes up. One of these like empty--
Brennan: Oh, you know that there's that, the renaissance fencing thing is right there next to you. Here, let me—
Ally: Before I left?
Brennan: Yeah, before you left, right here.
Ally: Okay. So then instead of taking that 10 points of damage, maybe I'll just Dispel Magic on that and then do my big move. Then do Pete's big move.
Lou: Pete's big move!
Zac: [exaggerated Lou impression] Pete’s! Big! [laughs]
Lou: Move!
Brennan: Hell yes. This guy's got to get a 16 or higher to resist the Dispel Magic.
Emily and Siobhan: Yeah!
Brennan: That is a four. Dispelled, bam!
Ally: Incredible.
Brennan: Incredible, Pete. That is Pete's turn, disanimated. Hell yeah. This incredible ornate suit of feudal Japanese armor comes roaring out of one of the galleries. And it's going to take two attacks on the Night Angel. Hits with both. 10 plus 10, 20 points of damage to Cody as that suit of armor slashes across your chest. JJ is gonna light up this suit of armor with a Fire Bolt again. Let's see how JJ does.
Zac: Come on, JJ.
Brennan: That's a hit, baby.
Lou: Hell yeah, JJ!
Brennan: JJ reaches his hand out at this Continental Army uniform from the Revolutionary War and goes,
JJ: Fuck you, man!
Brennan: And a stream of flame, the felt catches. [fire roaring] The uniform is engulfed in flame, and he completely disintegrates it.
Zac: Yes.
Lou: Yes, JJ, yes.
Brennan: That animated armor is no more. Hell yeah, JJ. That is gonna be Kingston Brown.
Lou: Hey, you know what they say? The hits keep coming. Let's go Dispel Magic on my man.
[Brennan laughing]
Emily: How did everyone get this spell? Wow!
Siobhan: Yeah, I don't have this spell.
Zac: I literally just took it before today.
Emily: I'm impressed.
Zac: I think it—
Brennan: Truly amazing. Once again, this dude needs a 16 or higher. This is not one of the big boys.
It gets a 12.
Brennan: Hell yeah. Kingston, this armor that somehow severed the cord that was bringing Alejandro here from paradise, or this thing didn't sever the cord, but is attached or alerted whatever did. What does Kingston do as this thing squares up with you?
Lou: I just kind of lean back a little bit and I'm just like,
Kingston: Whoever's on the other end of this, we're coming for you.
Brennan: The metal bursts apart, brrring! And clatters to the floor harmlessly. [imitates crashing]
Emily: Another intimidating phone call from Kingston.
[cast laughing]
Lou: All I need is a phone number. All I need is a phone number.
Emily: You’re hopping on the phone with everyone.
[laughing]
Brennan: Incredible. Plate and Barding no more. Ricky, that is your turn.
Zac: I'm so glad you did that, ‘cause I was about to toss the sword back to the Night Angel.
Brennan: Back to Cody!
Kingston: I got you. I got you, Ricky, go get him!
Zac: [sighs] Okay. Ox is gonna move and pick me up, and we're gonna run all the way to the samurai.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Zac: So, that's—
Murph: I think I have one more third level. I'm gonna try to dispel him, although I could dispel somebody else.
Zac: Actually, don't currently see—
Emily: There is this sword in the stone back here, Ricky.
Murph: There's just the one guy?
Zac: Might be it.
Siobhan: Yeah. I think this might be the last guy.
Brennan: Ricky, Ox definitely has enough to get you to within charging distance where you could use your own movement to close the rest of the way.
Zac: Okay, we'll charge over here with Ox. And I'm just gonna take two attacks on this suit.
Brennan: Hell yeah, dude, go for it.
Zac: First attack. What are the stats of this katana?
Brennan: It's 1d10 damage.
Zac: Okay, but to hit it's a 10 as well?
Brennan: You would use the same, so it's non-magical. So, it's just one less than whatever your magical sword would be.
Zac: Okay, so does a 20 hit?
Brennan: 20 hits.
Zac: Okay. So, I'll just roll my second attack. Does a… Well, I'm gonna re-roll that. [laughs] Okay. And then a 27. So, two hits. First hit is a d8. If I'm using two hands, is it a d10?
Brennan: Yeah, it's a d10. So, you have a d10 here. And are you doing any smites or other stuff like that?
Zac: I get the Improved Divine Smite no matter what.
Brennan: So, it's a d10 plus a d8.
Zac: Okay, and then I'll use Branding Smite.
Brennan: Oooh!
Zac: So that would be, how much does Branding Smite add? It's a second level. So 2d6 from that.
Brennan: Yeah.
Zac: And then, yeah, I'll use a second level Divine Smite as well.
Brennan: So, that's gonna to be, so yeah, that's 3d8 plus 2d… Or, so it's 5, it's 4d8 plus 1d10.
Zac: Oh, I'm sorry. The Branding Smite is 2d6.
Brennan: Plus 2d6. 4D8 plus 1d10 plus 2d6. Do you want to roll your second attack just to confirm real quick? Or have you already--
Zac: I rolled that and I hit.
Brennan: Okay, so you have another attack. Are you doing any smites on top of that attack or no?
Zac: I haven't rolled it yet. Maybe I have to resolve this one first.
Brennan: Cool, yeah, go ahead and resolve this one first. 4d8 plus 1d10 plus 2d6.
Zac: Okay, rolled a 1 on the d8. But. So, 6, 8, 14 plus 9, 23 on that attack. Oh, plus two more d8, whoops. Great, so plus 10. What did I say, 28? Yeah.
Brennan: So yeah. So wait, so that's 28 damage plus 10 is 38.
Zac: 38 on the first attack.
Brennan: Amazing.
Zac: And then it, fuck it, another Divine Smite on this second attack. So, that would be one d10. So 10, and then 11. So, 27 on the second attack.
Lou: Whoa!
Brennan: Ricky, you close with this katana in your hand.
Zac mimes holding a sword in two hands and makes a little ‘shk’ kind of noise.
Brennan: Iga's presence— Faces flutter into the armor everywhere of the people that once wore them or made them. You step forward into this armor that has been animated with magic and you know that it's just magic animating this stuff. Because as the faces appear in them, the faces look confused to see their armor grappled by some force that is using it. And as you step forward, this armor turns, wide stance. Faces you in a moment of pure silence. You both move at the exact same time and you bury your katana in the center of the armor. A ghostly face fills the armor for a second. Looks at you, smiles. Is filled with warmth and sudden life as though remembered in perfect detail. Speaks to you and says,
Samurai: [deep voice] Thank you for this… [bows]
Zac: I solemnly nod.
Brennan: And you see, it says,
Samurai: Both for this release, and for not letting it be this fucking kid.
[Emily laughs]
Cody is doing sword tricks again.
Ricky: I couldn't, I couldn't let that happen.
Brennan: The armor clatters, you are all out of combat. Incredible.
Emily: Since we're out of combat, can we maybe see the board now?
Brennan: Yeah, let's go for it.
Murph: Yeah, I had no idea that we were almost done. I was just like, I didn't see any of the rooms.
Emily: Yeah.
Brennan: Let's undo the--
Cast: [seeing the full map] Wow!
Lou: Very cool. Very very cool.
Sofia: Just so that everyone knows, there is a sword in the stone back here.
Iga: I do think for dramatic purposes, we should all try to draw the sword from the stone.
Sofia: Oh, and have Ricky go last.
Iga: I’m just pitching it. I think it will be more satisfying when we fail.
Ricky: Don't do this to me, y’all. Don’t do this.
Iga: I just think, narratively—
Pete: Me first.
Kingston: It’s a race, right, it’s a race?
Sofia: [overexaggerated] Oh, it's so hard. It could never be for me!
Pete: What if it's me, though?
Sofia: [unconvincingly] I'm trying my best.
Ally: I try to pull the sword.
Brennan: Incredible.
Zac: Ricky's gonna tell Cody,
Ricky: Thank you for letting me use the sword. I appreciate you tossing it to me.
Cody: No, that was... I'm a fucking idiot sometimes. And I'm sorry that I've been, I don't know. I freaked out at you before about the sword and shit, but I know that it used to be your sword. And like, I don't know, shit's just fucked up.
[gentle, emotional piano music]
Ricky: Hey, I mean, just to be clear, katanas are cool. They're just really, really cool.
Cody: Right, yeah.
Ricky: They’re just really awesome.
Cody: That was fucking, so, I just wanted to swirl it around and shit, but that was dumb.
Ricky: Hey, I mean, I would like to swirl this around.
Zac: I just start doing this. [imitates Cody’s sword tricks]
Cody: Hell yeah, dude.
Brennan: [imitates sword tricks] You vibe with the swords for a moment.
[Emily laughing]
Murph: Yeah, I also swing the longsword around.
Ally: I'm trying to pull the sword from the stone, but I'm doing it like this. [leans back and forth as they mime pulling with both hands]
Ricky: Feels pretty good.
Brennan: Hell yeah. You guys go to the next room. I will say Cody and Ricky, you guys are swimming in swords these days. There's just so many fucking swords.
Murph: Just so many swords.
Siobhan: Just, vwoom! Vwoom! Vwoom!
Brennan: You guys arrive in the next room. Hold on one second, let me just see. And yeah, you guys see this stone facing you. The Banishment fades, and a very wounded unicorn appears. Looks over at you and says,
Unicorn: Pete, oh my God.
Pete hugs the Unicorn.
Brennan: And comes up and nuzzles your arm and says,
Unicorn: I was one of the first people you saw in your first day in here.
Pete: Yes, you were!
Unicorn: You are the sweetest thing. You got me out of trouble there, mister. I swear to God.
Pete: I hope you're okay. Where did it banish you to? Back to home?
Unicorn: No, it was kinda like a three and a half hour acid trip wherever you sent me. But I'm fully back.
Ricky: Three and a half hours?
Unicorn: Well, time was kind of suspended. Y'all, time has been weird in Nod recently. It's getting, like, shallow in here. I don't know if you all know that, but it's getting fucking wild.
Pete: Sure.
Unicorn: Listen though, I'm so happy that you all are back. I haven't seen the other two of the three great spirits in a long time.
Kingston: You mean the juicy cockroach?
Sofia: I was gonna say the cockroach.
Unicorn: The juicy cockroach and the spicy pigeon y'all, I have not seen them.
Pete: Oh no.
Unicorn: That's always what it's been. It's the three animals you think of when you think of New York City. You think of a juicy cockroach, you think of a spicy pigeon and then just a regular unicorn, and that's me.
Pete: Can you say spicy pigeon three times, please?
Unicorn: A spicy pigeon, spicy pigeon, spicy pigeon. What are you hearing?
Kingston: Spicy.
Pete: I'm just imagining that you're ordering at Chick-Fil-A.
[laughing]
Unicorn: I would not order at Chick-Fil-A. Honey, no, I would not be there. I don't support that establishment! No thank you.
Pete: Sorry, yeah.
Brennan: Incredible. You guys approach this room with this incredible sword in the stone in front of you.
Siobhan: Does it say anything?
Sofia: Ricky, if you're not gonna do anything, I'm gonna go look for a weapon for myself.
[cast laughing]
Brennan: There is this enormous sword there. And you see that some words have faded from it. Once again, things being erased. It says, “Whosoever pulleth out this sword, is right-wise…” faded, “born of...” faded.
Kingston: You gotta be born the right way.
Murph: Cody is just shaking, but having just had that talk is like,
Cody: [literally vibrating] We should think about this and figure out kind of what we should do with the sword.
Ricky: Cody, are you okay?
Cody: Yeah, I'm fine. Just that there's a sword there.
Ricky: We should definitely think about what we should do with it.
Pete: I mean, Iga, you seem to be pretty powerful with this kind of stuff right now.
Siobhan: Yeah, is there some kind of check that I can do?
Brennan: Yeah, give me an Arcana check. And go ahead and make that with advantage.
Siobhan: Great. Yeah, 25.
Brennan: You look at this sword and see that this sort of accompanied these unicorn tapestries from the cloisters. JJ takes a look at it as well alongside you. You see that this is not Excalibur, right? Real Excalibur would be back in England, but this is some kind of dream weapon that lives here in the arms and armory exhibit of the Met. But, something is deeply forgotten about it. There is some force out there erasing things. With that high Arcana, you would know that because this has just lived in dreaming and doesn't even have an analog in the waking world, whatever was written here is gone and gone for good. But that doesn't mean that something new couldn't be put here.
Siobhan: Okay. Is that something that I feel like I could do?
Brennan: To write something here?
Siobhan: Yeah.
Brennan: You reach into yourself and feel a deep and powerful attachment to things, but not just things in a materialistic way, the story of things. You feel a deep power about the past and legend and myths. And, it's the fact that things are, some of the only, people go, people fade away, but the things they write and leave behind that live on past them, and that love of glittering treasures. Not because of their price, not because of their value, but because they are the stories of the things that came before us. You feel like you could write on this and make something.
Ricky: It's like a Mad Libs?
Brennan: [laughing] As Ricky says, this is a Mad Libs. The sword gleams a little bit.
Ricky: [dejected] Oh boy.
Siobhan: Wait, it says now, "Is somebody the son of somebody?"
Brennan: No, it says, "Whosoever pulleth out this sword, is right-wise” blank “of” blank.
Sofia: I think that… Oh, you can go. I think it's kind of like a choose yourself kind of thing, isn't it? Like a blank slate.
Pete: Yeah, anyone can probably take it. Yeah, totally.
Sofia: I think it's just someone who really deserves it.
Pete: I don't want this.
Sofia: I don't want the sword.
Iga: Good of heart, perhaps.
Ricky: [sighs] I've been burned before.
Kingston: Ricky, take the sword, come on, man.
Sofia: Ricky, take the goddamn sword, I wanna go look for something I can fight with!
Pete: It's gotta be Cody, right?
Lou: I push Ricky forward.
Kingston: Come on, man.
Pete: I only see Cody with this sword.
Brennan: It says, "Whosoever pulleth out this sword, is right-wise” blank “of” blank. Ricky, I think you would know the… Well, maybe you wouldn't. But, JJ remarks and is like,
JJ: Yeah, it's like the King Arthur thing, right? King Arthur's Excalibur said, "Whosoever pulleth out this sword, is right-wise King of England." But this doesn't say King of England, it says...
Zac: I will say, I'll go… Ricky will walk up to it and attempt to hold on to the hilt and try to pull it out and say that he will be,
Ricky: I'll pull this out in order to be the Protector of New York.
Brennan: You wrap around the sword, you say protector of New York. Where is Ricky's heart at as he does this? Does he believe these words to be true?
[soft, driving music]
Zac: He believes the words to be true, but he, you know, there's… He has this other sword. He's been using other swords. He kind of feels lost in some ways, I think. But, knows that that's what he wants. Even if it's not this sword, that's what he wants to do.
Brennan: As you go to pull the sword out of the stone... I think you have this sword in the stone. You're holding Peasant Sword that you got from Iga's castle. This musket, this katana, these like historical weapons around you. When Ricky says he's the protector of New York, and you said he's feeling a little bit lost. I think maybe Ricky feels like maybe it's none of these. You don't need this sword in a stone's permission to be the protector of New York. And maybe you don't... What is, I'm going to turn it over to you, Zac. Ricky's been looking for a little while. That Questing Blade is still over there. Peasant Sword, sword in the stone. What's in Ricky's heart right now? He's looking for answers. What is he thinking of as he stands on top of this stone? 'Cause it feels like the sword in the stone is not it for him. He doesn't feel like that's the answer.
Zac: I think, umm… You know, I think he's realizing after looking at Cody that he's maybe not a sword guy. [laughs]
[Emily laughs]
Brennan: Cool. Hell yeah.
Zac: And kind of remembering his axe and remembering what that felt like. As I'm saying this, I'm also realizing I don't want to make the same weapon that Gorgug had, honestly. So, that's outside of the show right now. I'm just thinking of that.
Brennan: No, for sure. Hey Ricky, if you look at where you are in the map, you're right near a staircase in one of these other side corridors. Every stairwell comes equipped with a fire extinguisher and a fireman's axe right in the glass case.
Zac: I tell everyone to take 10 feet back.
Ricky: Get out of the way, 'cause of shattering glass.
Sofia: Can I just take the dodge action instead?
Ricky: Yeah, you can take the… Okay, I trust you.
Ally: You're just like [moves back and forth] getting closer.
Zac: I take the butt of the musket and break it open and I take out the fireman's axe.
Brennan: All of you watch Ricky explode with light.
[Emily laughs]
Brennan: Ricky, you are the protector of New York. And, you don't need a magic sword to tell you that. You don't need some magic thing from an ancient castle. You need none of it. Any fireman's axe that you hold would have the properties of the hero wielding it. And the fact that this ax rests in glass cases to help people in their times of need, is all of the magic that Ricky needs to imbue this with the power of a true hero.
Zac: I take the axe, sort of swing it around. [mimics Cody’s sword swinging]
[laughing]
Cody: Yeah, dude.
Pete: I have a question. Does anybody else really want this sword?
Cody: [unconvincingly] No.
Sofia: I wouldn't be able to use it. I kind of want to look for something, but I can't use a sword.
Ally: I'm wondering if... Can I, I mean, I know this isn't like a customizer, like dog chain engraver machine. But, if I walk up to it and put my hand on the sword and say,
Pete: Look, I need to give this sword to someone who I owe a lot of money to.
[cast laughs in shock]
Murph holds his head in his hands. Zac covers his face.
Ally: Can this sword say, "The hacker of New York." [Brennan and Ally laugh] It's worth a try, okay? I just need it to be custom.
Emily: Try no matter what.
Brennan: Ally, roll a d20 for me.
[laughing]
Murph: [hands on his head] Oh God!
Ally: Okay, look, this old ass sword… Well, instead of hacker, can it just say exposer? Maybe that's a little bit more—
Brennan: The exposer of New York?
Ally: The exposer of New York.
Iga: Think about what that word means. You're just thinking about the word. Think about what the word means. Don't have it say exposer of New York.
Ally: This is going to say, the seer of all. I think that's something that fucking 53\/3N would get off on. Okay, what am I rolling?
Brennan: What is your roll flat on the die?
Ally: 15.
Brennan: You go and yank and fully pull a muscle in your back.
[Ally and Emily laugh]
Brennan: The sword will not come out of the stone at all. The unicorn goes,
Unicorn: Peter, why don't you come on and step down. I don't think that [laughs] I don't think that was gonna be, I don't—
Pete: I get it.
Sofia: I thought it was a nice try, Pete. I mean, actually, I don't know anything that's going on with you, so.
[Ally laughs]
Cody: [strained] Okay. So just to be clear, nobody else wants the sword?
Sofia: No.
Zac: [shakes his head] I’m okay.
Sofia: Unless it was like brass knuckles or something.
Iga: No, Cody, you get it, you can try and take the sword from the stone.
Cody: I am the wielder of the ultimate Double Blade, Thirsting Blade.
[vaguely Breaking-Benjamin-esque rock music]
Murph: [laughing] And I draw them both out.
Brennan: Where is Cody at in his heart as he—
Murph: 100% believes that he is the wielder of the Double Blade Thirsting Blade.
Brennan: You guys see appearing in huge font, JJ looks up and goes,
JJ: My God, it's happening!
Brennan: You see it goes,
Sword: [echoing] SOUL MELD! DOUBLE XP! WIN CONDITION! THIRSTING BLADE! DOUBLE WEAPON EXCALIBUR - LEGENDARY STATUS!
Brennan: A double blade of the Thirsting Blade and Excalibur, becomes the Double Blade: Dark Excalibur / Thirsting Blade.
Murph is laughing so hard he can’t speak for a moment.
Murph: It’s like not even...
Sofia: Give it to me. Give me the Questing Blade.
Iga: I tried to stop this from happening.
Murph: It's like the worst sword. It's like 100% a worse sword.
Brennan: Sorry Sofia, it's fused into one double weapon. This thing weighs easily 275 pounds. It is like 15 feet of steel. [laughs]
Cody groans as he tries to do sword tricks with it.
Brennan: And you see, as you pull it, you hear reverberations throughout the Sixth Borough echoing into the night. That's all for this episode of The Unsleeping City. Tune in next week.
Murph: Oh my god.
Brennan: Truly, truly remarkable.
Zac: Oh god.
Captions extracted by: Kyber Bonsai
Edited by: Tillie the Paladin, rowan solsys, gluegunshots