Island Hashes Reports for 2018
©2018 The Isle of Wight Hash House Harriers www.iwhhh.org.uk
"Sod the checking" said 'At-Home' Sucktion and pointed up the slow climb to MountJoy. Shortly after, a dark figure shot up the dark hill, slipping and sliding to catch the torches of the pack - this turned out to be Geyser. It was clockwise around the Castle but the descent to Castle Fields left the Short-Trailers at the top observing a ballet of lights, completely lost and looking for the way out to Froglands Lane and the Spring Lane ford. Some got to the High Street; fewer found the correct trail; reportedly the OnInn was up through the playing fields but, as the rain become heavier, the kindly Hare directed the pack to take a short cut by the bus depot. In the end, all the weary stragglers made it back and were grateful for Oates' filling fare. Bart was RA and began by summonsing Fracas for forgetting that Bart was RA last month - he was joined by our Hare/Chef, and our Virgin. Then Fracas again for 'sensory issues' running into the back of fellow Hashers; someone for a run number (you know who you are...); Oh, and NumpT for sexy tights.
The windy weather had turned cold but it was dry and sunny, so a large pack assembled at Sandown Airport for the 'Epiphany Hash' (Shergar and P-Rick deciding to try Bembridge Airport instead, but somehow managing to arrive for the 'Off'). The RA, reporting this, and being unable to identify Three Wise Men Hashing, called the Hare, BellEnder, to convey some words of wisdom - and then jumped in his motor, abandoning the Hash, and led himself astray to Ryde... The Hare promised an abundance of wood-shavings and confidently pronounced "Check It Out!" which was the last that she saw of Baldric, ShortHorn, Slackers et al. On this trail, which had been advertised as "Five Miles", Fracas and others clocked up over ten killer-metres, while Boycey (late arrival, like Snowman and Busty) managed rather more. The Smart turned back early, but it was found, by Others, that Newchurch was not intended to feature on the trail - yet some found it - while Cooperman, seeking solitude in the Bird Hide with Limpit and the local twitchers, was content to vary the route and loose Jibbers and Poubelle in Lake. Some said it was "A Cracking Run on a nice but cold day", while others claimed they were "only off the trail for a few minutes", with another lost-soul interjecting "speak for yourself!" Ultimately, in the Stag, ever-generous with their food, the earlier-arrivals waited. And waited... Even our Scribe managed to arrive ahead of Suction ("the GM was very fit today!") and the others who had attempted the trail - those such as Poubelle, P-Rick and Geri were even earlier. Our Blame-seeking RA, who had not ventured anywhere near the actual 'trail', was sitting In Court, "Desperately Seeking Sinners", and came up with a commendation for "many trees worth of sawdust" to result in: Jibbers - sustaining a golf-ball injury en-route; Limpit - searching for solace in the loo, so soon after an en-route root; PitStop's failed fire-lighting gained a mention; as did DilDoh!'s selection of tops; Naiither was spared a Cinderella-trial to find her shoes; and then the Bard (LoadingBay etc/etc.) recalled a poem about World Peace (or was it Peas???).
And Thanks to Shergar for another of his multi-map ride-outs which led from Morrisons, Lake, with Coops attempting to guide Leg 1 past the après at Batchelors Farm, somewhat hindered by the GC fixing a puncture and Snowman leading part of the pack off to Shanklin. We continued with 'map-readers' of varying ability, down to The Griffin, then Whitwell, Niton, St Lawrence, The Star, and a muddy bit back off the cyclepath to a delightful après of vegetable soup and home-made hooch. DDs were deferred. A virgin Bash for Limpit and a second for TrolleyDolly. Cwps
Baldric set "An excellent trail" from the ("closed") Sportsman's Rest, observed the non-participant RA - with many false-trails ensuring that the longer runners had ample opportunities to interact with the shorter trail and the seemingly static Hashers who were clustered around Oates' van in the middle of this "Awesome Mess". PitStop (FitBitting it straight to the Pub) and Cooperman (Early Lunch) adapted the trail to their own preferences. SlackBladder led the shorter trail and Shergar did his best to maximise his ground-coverage by ignoring any arrows. At the Travellers' Joy (where we found that the Sportsman was not, in fact closed), Marriage was In The Air, on account of Geri's forthcoming nuptials. In addition, MinnieHaHa, unrecognised by BitLarge, thanks to the GM's trichological talents, had returned to celebrate her own forthcoming Nuptials. Mudguard, her other half, chose to prepare by stocking up on desserts: "I'll have both please Oates!". Sinners en route included: quick-witted LipsOn; splash-happy JimJams; and "Choosing spare socks over replacement underwear" DilDoh!. We thanked Fracas for his expert tootling and the Hares, who, of course, included SlackBladder, without whom many would have gone far astray! JMM
Despite the miserable weather and the attraction of Yorkshire AGPU, a group of hardy (not Hardy) Hashers gathered in Yaverland Car Park for the RA's trail. Unaccountably, the trail led off in the opposite direction of the Pub, the Hare having briefed JimJams ("where is the Real Hare?" he asked) and FriendlyFire ("I was the only one to do a Fishuke,") on the route, in an effort to keep the pack 'on trail' - the flour having become only barely and occasionally discernible in the drizzle. Despite this precaution, several failed to come back after the slippery ascent, passing through a gate informing when Hang-gliding was impermissible, to the Beacon then, via Charles Anderson-Pelham's monument, followed by a perilously precipitous descent back to the Car Park. Giving better support than a Playtex Bra, Oates held the fort at Yaverland while the Hare scoured Culver and Brading for late returnees. With all accounted-for, it was off to The Castle for DDs and Hot Dogs. LasVegas earned one for her rain-avoidance tactic, Gisbeau was rewarded for going the extra mile down to Whitecliff - "Who needs flour?" - and PitStop provided his own DD, for early arrival at the Pub. Certain Life-Events were also noted, with Birthdays for Fracas and Mash and a recent Stag/Hen do for Hooker and Geri, while Bones' presence gave the RA an excuse to use the last beer for a farewell chant. JMM
IWH3 Reps at the 2018 Yorkshire H3 AGPU in 'Scarbados' were 5Bar and Whippie, Sodders, Coops, and virgins Limpit and BitLarge.
For Wellow Millenium Green, the RA reported an 'under-promising' sky with a large pack: "Four back on a hook, please," quoth ShortHorn, then, "Off in That Direction!". HardOn (risen from his sick-bed) and the RA did a short, alternative loop, while DoorKnob, carrying a self-inflicted, injury, opted for a longer and SillyCow chose to watch a video in the car, scandalising LasVegas: "At least I got out of the car this week!". Bergerac was first home with short-cutting PoorSod. Disgruntled LipsOn claimed that the only downhill stretch had caused him to default a Fishuke. A drink for the welcoming Vine and then for P-Rick's choosing to drive to the Après with the boot open (despite his generous praise for the excellent trail). HashBard's Birthday was marked by a DD taken by the RA, and the Hare was similarly rewarded for his much-appreciated efforts. JMM
A Blue Moon, and an injured Bart laid a semi-urban Trail north from Harrys, along the cliff and back via Landguard. Virgin, Limpit, sometime Ebley FMH3, enjoyed the moon-rise from the scenic cliff-top Short Trail, with cafe tips from SlyC. Also new was visitor, and appointed RA, Brylcreem, Chichester H3 ("What do I do? We don't have RAs in Chichester!") - he needed basic DD instruction from Fracas: "Sod the Truth!". Thirteen turned up - Magoo advising the Hare on how many checks he had to hobble past to keep his Vindaloo! For our novice (who later admitted to Basic Hash Training in Hong Kong), we had a fine circle with varying songs to accompany, while consuming the pub's generous snacks. After the Virgins, came thanks to our "sinless" Grand Dictator, and then to DoorKnob for failing to notice a large 'OnInn' mark: "I was escorting the Ladies...!"
And it was DilDoh! from Arreton Barns après the Dairyman's Daughter: The RA recalled: On a beautifully sunny, if chilly day, the Trail was deemed, "Fresh", "Very Good" and "Lovely" by assorted returning Hashers. Though the apologetic Hare had forecast a 'short' run, the route covered a respectable five miles or more. The terrain was varied and challenging, ranging from the Dairyman's Overflow Car Park to the top of the Down, then to the valley bottom. From there, it was across to Horringford and the cycle path, before returning across the main road and eventually back to the sunny conservatory, where Downdowns, but no chips awaited. He we castigated: LoadingBay, for "Thespian Pursuits"; Wilma and Neversaurus - "Welcome back"; LipsOn, for discretion and valour, short-cutting and retirement; Curly, for a somewhat provocative TShirt; Limousine, for feeding crisps to the Hash; PoorSod, for "merchandise generosity"; MaBaker: "My dogs have Pringles"; P-Rick, for "looking for bottoms", "well, butts", en-route; to Bergerac, for losing half the slow trail; and finally, to Ganges, for "going the extra (ladies') mile"!
And Seven turned up for Coops' Bash from Morrisons in Newport. Emerging from the cafe, we were told that Poubelle and Trolley had to leave early, so it was quickly off to Cowes for an intended regroup at the Travellers Joy. This plan had not considered BeerPump who, with his normal gross abuse of the trail, inserted his own leg around Cowes in order to visit his local, the Kingston Arms. An even smaller number set off, via Parkhurst Forest, to briefly visit the Waverley, before reassembling at Mash and Gis's place for Bash Cheese and Wine (the latter left over from the Christmas Party...) "Have we all brought cheese and chutney?" asked the GC (LunchBox admitted he'd made chutney but had forgotten to bring it). In his unique style, the GC then declared that the Unit of Currency for the day would be blocks of cheese so HashCash and Limpit were dispatched to Morrisons to convert Hash Subs into Units of Fromage. For her sins, Limpit was appointed RA, remembering some of the above funnies, and making up a few more, until all had a red wine DD.
From the novel location of Newbridge, BitLarge laid a "Really Good Run" ... "in parts" - those were the parts that did not have six inches of shiggy! "Shame it was only 3.8 miles" But "slow" - not surprising due to the excessive mud on our shoes. In such conditions, it was the Longs back first, with returnee ScaryFairy leading. In the Calbourne Sun, the RA started with a long joke and then used the Royal "We had a fine trail" which he didn't do, and proceeded to the Downdowns: The Hare had gone for an early bath so her DD was taken by Wormy; Limousine had one for complaining about the mud; Chips had incorrectly forecast the arrival of rain, which turned out to be hail - taken by PitStop; BullsEye joined them, representing the locals; All these downed their beers at the end of a credible duo of P-Rick and PoorSod singing "I'm leaving on a HashTrail" (from the Edinburgh H3 Hash Songbook); Next up was "Fit Old Bird", Limpit, completing the Hash after doing over thirty miles cycling on the Saturday; The RA got a 'Shirker' award from fit PitStop for bus abuse on the way from the start to the pub! while Ganges and DoorKnob had both failed to be 'first' back, as a high-speed ScaryFairy showed them all a "clean pair of heels" (through all that mud???).
And Cooperman and Magoo put on yet another Pancake Night (Valhalla XXVII), at the Sundial Cafe. Some twenty-five of you turned up and a hilarious Hash was held around town, with Magoo leading us out on a series of pancake-tossing legs up to a refreshment stop at the Castle. The event culminated in a Grand Pancake Race along the Seafront and a yummy Pancake Supper in the Cafe. See Coops sometime and persuade him do do it again next year...
It as just after the Chinese New Year - "Kung hei fat choi!" - which provided more than enough excuse for CoeurDeLeon's new Tattoo. After a splendid trail from Brading Down (it certainly pleased our Gallic Limousine) which avoided excessive tooth- brush terrain (up, down, up, down) the short routers returned even before the RA to the Wheatsheaf. Later, the middle trailers came back then, finally, the Full Monty - not counting NoseJob and Malcolm, who were tardy starters. En route, Baldric drew attention to himself by studiously climbing over a stile - bereft of any adjoining fence! Electrician DoorKnob held forth on the Positive avoiding the Negative but was brought back to Earth by Cooperman. Poubelle's stunning feat of navigation (Yes, navigation!) led the medium-trailers chartlessly home. Leah and Kayleigh welcomed us back to the Pub, and abundant chips and sausages, where the RA attempted to school the Hash in his "Woad" song. After this, P-Rick's birthday brought forth an air on monorchism from PoorSod. Sky's breakthrough into treading the boards was marked, together with Drover's impromptu Gladiator, when he found a spare hub cap on the Down. Wine flowed (as from a barely-dripping tap…) - Winalot having revealed to BellEnder that F@cebook had said it was 'International Wine Day'. At this point Mongrel's attention was engaged and PussyGalore abandoned her new pet, in order to join them... Maggot helped dispose of the wedding cake from the previous night's celebration of Geri's and Hooker's Nuptials, attended by Suction, fresh from her visit to Bali, for those of MiniHaha. Finally, we were treated to a colourful display from, 'not the three Tenors,' but the 'three tanners,' when Winalot, Oates and Ganges (the Hare) stepped forth. JMM
So we set off from the Parkhurst Forest main car park, down that very muddy track towards the hospital, expecting more of the same for the next ninety minutes. But Hares, FannyMac and GottlaGeer, had done some research and took us across the road towards the Carisbrooke Stream - this being an 'indication' to the FRBs that we were off to their house for refreshments... Not To Be though, and we turned and sploshed off towards Gunville before turning back into the forest. Here the propensity to trail-blindness continued as a sundered pack followed anything, in any direction, resulting in a reverse-starburst as runners appeared from all directions back to the car park to find the Hares' generous mobile hotdog stand! At the ever-kind Prince of Wales, the RA reported tales of "Too much sheep-like following" but was interrupted from naming all of us as sinners by P-Rick announcing for the Other Hash and relating how the RA had been spotted outside a Ryde public convenience, clutching a pack of 24 toilet rolls! The RA immediately denied this, saying there were only sixteen rolls! We then had the Hares up, joined by a returning Lunicycle and visits from Bouncer and from Gormless. We welcomed back ScaryFairy, who'd brought Steve, reportedly for DoorKnob's Significant Birthday Occasion... Finally, at the back, Bones dropped his guard, catching the RA's attention, and got the Final Downdown.
St David's Day - Leeks, daffodils, snowdrops......Well more snow drop and leak than taffodils. After a mile stumbling through a blizzard (musing that I should have had Ready Brek not Frosties for Brekkie) I slid down the inclined curling rink into Firestone Copse aka The Wild Wood. Not a good omen. With wind howling I spent a spooky half hour waiting in the snow-brightened gloom for the rest of the Loonies. A dancing light morphed into GANGES the Hare. He had wisely left his car at the top of the hill and jogged down. Soon we were joined by COOPS and LIMPIT who not been so wise. Meanwhile in a place not too far away. P-RICK and PHILTHY were failing to arrive but succeeding in sliding their cars backwards down hills, gave up and retired to The Sloop to wet whistles and drown sorrows. Belatedly PHILTHY realised that his car was a 4 x 4 in disguise. At 1900hrs precisely a short run ensued which consisted mostly of pushing COOPS up the curling rink to the road then up the hill to Ganges' car. The Firestone Four decided to forgo the warmth of The Cedars and went warily home. Thus ended the whitest run since Methuselah was a lad and SNOWMAN named. Thanks must go to GANGES for laying the trail. On! On! Fracas.
After the recent bitterly cold, snow-bound days, the RA noted that the weather had improved for Shergar's seven-miler from the recently-opened Chequers Inn. With an extra loop via Bleak Down at the start to stretch the fitter folk, and no fewer than two map-readers for the slower runners following through Cridmore and Ramsdown to Harts Farm, all seemed well-set. Sadly, "poorly behaved" Bergerac "misled a Large Contingent" in different directions - both wrong - though by the time his group reached the pub, where Jibbers had at least learnt to obey the whistle to "sit and beg". Meanwhile, HardOn and the RA had performed a credible short outing down the lane. We huddled in the garden, by kind permission of "Impressed but tired" Fracas, who trusted his Horn to Limpit while he had his hands warming in his pockets. Not So Hardy was Ganges, sometime Hero of the snow-laden Firestone R#n for the Other Hash, and yet could not leave the warmth of the Pub. We fêted our Hare on his DD - and PussyGalore's tumble in the reeds was similarly recognised. Whingeing's "Geranium Massacre" meant that he was called forth, to accompany Suction for "falling", "slipping", "missing" or some other trivia... Geri's return from honeymoon was sufficient reason to call her into the circle, while P-Rick "giving up Vindaloo for Lent" joined Philthy for luring the Great Dictator to the pub, in preference to that Blizzard R#n. Finally came Virgin, Paul Middleton, and then Baldrick, who had turned down an in-run 'kiss of life' demonstration in favour of an ear-bending for wearing holy shoes! Cwps
After weeks of Snowman moaning that all sorts of Hares had used parts of his "perfect trail" from Dudley Road Car Park, we had a clever OnOff, as we rode out to Bonchurch to find a return trail along the Esplanade, while our Hare was failing to get the Volunteer to open for our Après. Off went BeerPump, Sodders, P-Rick, Limpit, Coops and LunchBox (Bart phoned in sick) and, picking up the Hare, made their way along the Undercliff towards Niton Post Office. But, as usual there was The Trail... and then what the Grand Crank interpreted as his preferred trail... On this occasion, both the Cricket Club and The Buddle were added to the long trail list and, while some lunched in Fields Cafe, the next leg extended to the White Horse before returning to Perks' - which was too nice a bar for Downdowns....
Now, Philth gets out quite a lot in Parkhurst Forest, if his Run Count there is anything to go by. A "splendid and well-researched trail" awaited us as we entered from Noke Gate. Something for everyone here, as the Main Trail shot off into the woods - and the mud! Those shortcutting were escorted along a firm track to the camping field before they too found a glutinous second half of their trail leading back past Camp Hill. Maps abounded, as did people who could read them, and no-one really got very lost. A 'change of clothing' was the order of the day, before we regrouped in the very generous Kingston Arms, with some DDs for Hare - Philthy; Training - Valentina; Early Bird: "sometimes I wake up Grumpy, sometimes I let him sleep" - Mash; Virgins - JohnC, Pete (brought by Groyney); Many bike failures - BeerPump; Biting the hand which helps you cross the mud - Anne (Virgin) and P-Rick; Back from holidays - Sandy and MagnumPI; Knowing the locals - Coops; And finally, after the RA realised he'd told a joke with pages in the wrong order, a very amusing story from Busty about DoorKnob's birthday celebrations continuing through their skiing holiday, culminating in the sad declaration that he was sadly "Too phat to phly"!
Lower Hyde to Fish and Chips at the Crab for the Winchester Hashes (awarded Valhalla R#n XXVIII) - BeerPump
Ventnor Spring Hill Gardens Car Park to Lower Hyde for the Winchester Hashes (awarded Valhalla R#n XXIX) - BeerPump
For The Green Run, from Brading Station, our Hares were Baldric, Wilma, Jibs and BeenBefore. "Four Hares?" Was this because we had visitors, including lots of old friends, from Winchester, Hursley and R2D2 to join us? Or perhaps because of the unexpected (albeit forecast) decent dollop of snow deposited in the dark? Well, probably mainly because of the visitors, Balders did an early-morning sortie to "refresh" the trail, using Kellogg's Cornflakes (other brands are available). Given the visit, there were surprisingly few at the Words of Wisdom, but BeenBefore arrived, announcing that many more were waiting at the pub, so she re-directed them to follow the trail. Spoor led out over the marshes and up towards Culver. Families were exploiting the unusual weather, with children tobogganing and parents wishing that they were still young enough to toboggan. Oates and the RA were waiting with a drinks stop: Coffee (with or without sweetener) and a range of alcohols... then it was OnOn to the Wheatsheaf, where numerous others had appeared. Before a splendid, generous stew was served by the Pub, Downdowns, were awarded by GoodieTwoShoes and Our RA, among others, to: Our Hares; Hampshireman - who failed to find any trail; FriendlyFire - polluter of Philthy's water; RunAway - eager to pay; Bounder - taking a tumble; FlyingDoctor - turning up her nose at the in-run coffee; ParcelForce and Henry - unwisely accompanied Bika into the Ladies'; Portia - failed to find those two in the bar; Hobbit - going home with a stranger; TK - going it alone, in foul weather; RunawayJane - Chalet Theft; Fracas and ShortHorn - the extra mile; Valerie - Virgin; Busty - speed demonstration; HalfPound - cycling over, risking life and limb to make it to the Hash; Hooker - born on St Patrick's Day and finally (but not last) BeerPump assisted with the Yard of Ale awarded to Bika, who had arranged their splendid away visit. JMM
The moving of Greenwich Mean Time, and the journey to the extremity of the Isle of Wight at Cliff Road, Totland, deterred none from arriving on time - though the precise departure was queried by the 11:08 Coops and Limpit, being the only ones regretting the RA's decision to cut short his pre-ramble jokes in Hash Standard Time. Still, at 11:10, the pack reappeared, ascending from The Waterfront back up to Turf Walk in a cunning loop, planned by omnipresent Hare, Baldric, involving some form of numerical scheme that had been lost on the inattentive assembly during the Words of Wisdom. Despite that, the pack followed obediently up to Hurst Point, then going inland for a bit before meeting Oates at Colwell Bay. Based on hearsay, the RA, in the Vine (now apparently the only decent Pub in West Wight) summarised the four-mile Trail as having "more arrows than the Deadwood Stage". DDs went for: "If it wisna' fer yer wellies" - Geri and Shagpile; The 1956, Miss Gilmore Sandown Student of the Year - HardOn; Plastic surgery - PussyGalore; Virgins - James and Marathon runner Chelsea; Smiling - Snowman (Chelsea's grandad!); For the pub - Kyle (sacrificed by the bar-ladies; Chest matters - DilDoh!, LoadingBay and (Birthday Boy) CurDeLeon; and finally "Welcome to old friends" - MagnumPI and Bouncer ("I Did Not eat All the Pies!"). Cwps
Where best to go on a nice sunny evening at the end of March but up on the Downs to appreciate our first light R#n of the Year? With his normal Spring arrangement at the now-foody Yarbridge Inn at Brading, Cooperman led us off, torchless, for the second Blue Moon of the year. With Limpit's assistance, the r#nners went all around, and through, the Villa grounds, using just about every path to keep the slower trail in touch, before the pack disappeared off in increasingly deep mud along the Down towards Nunwell, returning back through Kelly's Copse, and we all re-coalesced at Beechgrove before the OnInn in a nice 59 minutes. Some rather palatable ales and lashings of snacks awaited us. Ganges, who had missed the previous R#n's Après (as indeed we all had), was appointed RA, and immediately took advantage of the Pub's full water jug to award 'melted snow' Downdowns to all who had failed to appear on that fateful last occasion (a chorus of "Winter Wonderland" resounded...). He then went on to congratulate the Hares of the Day for yet another Yarbridge Trail, and then added further accolades, and a DD, for the Hare of the previous R#n - himself.
Rather like the joke about the monkeys and the typewriters, there now goes a saying that, if Baldric lays enough Trails then eventually he will come up with a good one. And Full Marks went to This Hare as we left Allotment Road, Niton on the first of April and ascended Head Down to descend into the Downcourt valley, with all just about 'in-tow'. A suggested refreshment stop near the sawmill at Moorhills Farm enticed most of our faster runners, while the rump moved west through increasing shiggy and put in an unplanned visit to the Hoy Monument. Various ways home, but all were happy with what was regarded as one of our better Runs of the Year. Apres, we regrouped in the Post Office bar, with the delights of LoadingBay as appointed stand-in RA. Three cheers for our modest Hare "Just goes to show, sun and shiggy always makes the pack happy!" who had also provided visitors: John, Becky, Josh and Olli Graham. Joe and Alex Maber-Jones, GoldenBalls and PocketRocket. A few DDs that included The Hare; "Best effort" for Winalot; Jibbers for glass breaking; and BeerPump to finish the beer. Cwps
"Laid in flour...", "...or sawdust" explained Curly from new link-road Saunders Way on the edge of ever-expanding East Cowes. The start had been moved there from Whippingham Church to enable a cunning loop in the rain, crossing at the church, which led the RA to seek blame, and the Hare to request that the feeble did not follow what would turn out to be a seven-mile long trail - "Any flour On...", "But sometimes I got carried away!". After passing Island Harbour, a not inconsiderable loop around Wootton Common surprised many, including JimJams, who would get a DD for "Groundhog Day", attempting to do this extra loop a second time. The short trail visited The Folly and the Church, while the shelterless Café Folk listened to PitStop's impersonation of Bear Grylls / Prof. Brian Cox and his 'String Theory'. The pack (over forty!) was augmented by returner SweetChariot, Virgin Tina, and visitors Julia & PDrinker from Phuket. We re-grouped in the Prince of Wales, Newport for Down-downs. Here, we heard (among others): that 'New Corkhead' Limpit had a Weather Forecast H3 Cork TShirt; that Neapolitan help had been refused by the Hare; how SillyCow has gone cashless, "My husband has the money!"; that LimboDancer had done nothing wrong; and, with three cheers for the pub's hospitality, Mash arrived late from her shower but just in time for the last Downdown.
Twenty Rides of the Wight Pedallers were marked in quite a quiet way by Winalot's mud-avoiding outing from the Arreton Barns Car Park. The fact that most of the attendees were later preparing to go to the Hash Ball, had something to do with this. It was the Merstone, Godshill, Wroxall, Shanklin loop in reverse and, surprisingly, the first stop was not till The Star. This started a trend and Harrys followed soon after as we entered the freezing fog along the bay. Back, by an indirect route, at the Barns, the auspicious occasion was marked by non-participant LoadingBay, there only to pick up Poubelle, but put in to serve as RA!
Easter Ball at The Breeze, Island Harbour, thanks to Slackers, Berg and MaBaker.
With Groyney and Bones laying an "Excellent trail", all were pleased with our outing from Brighstone, with a longer trail having some sections fit for mountain goats, while those shortcutting found a trail that included a visit to Grange Chine. The Ideas Merchants later proposed solutions for "some protracted stretches on the shorter route", with "more fishukes needed to keep the slower Hashers together!". We moved to the Calbourne Sun for Downdowns with thanks for barman (and chair of the Grumpy Old Men's Club) John taking one for the pub's generosity; and to BullsEye for "saving the day!". Then the Hares; and then PoorSod was in the News - firstly for inviting Jibbers to Geri's private party. DDs next for an excellent Hash Ball at the Breeze Bar, with Berg and MaBaker accepting credit on behalf of Slackers; and at the Ball, it was Suckers rescuing a flock of Easter Chicks from a 'pond' of wine; then to Coops for proposing to an adjacent Hen Party that Sodders was their Strip-o-gram! And, while Limousine found that English paper-towel dispensers were Not to be used as hot-air dryers, Gisbo got an Easter Hat, soon to be purloined by Groyney!
It was the day when the woodlands around Newchurch Car Park abounded with the Wood Hyacinth (Hyacinthoides non-scripta), also known as the Common Bluebell. Some thirty-five Hashers had turned out to see the best of these blooms, and to follow a live trail set by P-Rick, for whom the day was foreshadowed by his football team coming second. With some guidance from Fracas, most of us followed the trail to Borthwood from where the first group turned back for an early beer, others went on Coops' educational bluebell tour, Bergerac did his best to use a map, MaBaker and SlyC found Apse Heath and a lot of walking, visitor TwistedSista found her dog would not go over stiles, and recovering Bart walked around in a circle with one leg shorter than the other. After generous bowls of chips from the Pointer Inn were scoffed before the plates arrived, some Downdowns were held, in which story-provider, Winalot, disgraced himself by appropriating the RA's beer, and ShortHorn explained that he used to de-bag a Hare if he caught him. Less likely to foster good relations was Fracas, whose Reveille did little to endear him to the Twitchers. Riding on the wrong side of the road caused Limpit to be summoned, as did Shergar's trepidation at the thought of meeting his exiled Angry Bird. And finally, a very loud GroyneStrayne prompted a suggested re-naming to 'EarStrain'
Geyser, our Hare, got himself to Gatcombe Church in time to deliver some words of wisdom - "One back on a fishuke and it's, 'Check it out!' time." Avoiding the late arrival of some local churchgoers, irked to find their car-parking places taken, some of us tried downhill, but the wiser went high-up and along the path towards Chillerton, then up again to Loverstone and breaking off, down across the marsh, towards Rookley and 'seven-mile field'. Wild garlic abounded at the initial ascent, and later, bluebells and the picturesque Upper Medina provided an agreeable variety of landscapes which helped to disguise the length of the trail. We regrouped in the Waverley where chips were rapidly demolished and the RA then called up the Hare, to join "Civilian Diplomacy" Snowman giving free advice to passers-by: ("the exercise will do you good!"). Also of note were "Wombling" PitStop (a full black bag!); "Welcome Home": to Bilbo; for an amusing story about "Keynapping": FannyMac; "Pointing out local sights from the car": HardOn; to Coops, for looking a trustworthy sort of type that everyone blindly followed (though he wasn't a Hare); and, finally, for Trying Very Hard to walk anti-clockwise, our injured Bart.
It was the First of May, and the GD had thoughtfully selected left-of-centre Gisbo to be Hare from the Simeon Arms - supposedly the hub of working-class Ryde. The order of the day was 'wear red', but a red-clothed Busty dobbed DilDoh!, after a very fast five-mile Hash in a regulation sixty-two minutes, for only having red cheeks! We started with a rash of suitable puns about 'russian' around, full marx, 'one of our best trots' - but let's not labour the point... So, keeping very much together past the now democratic Polish car wash, a brief halt was called at No.11 Nelson Street where, despite the lack of a blue plaque, the Hare assured us that Karl Marx had stayed there while waiting to get a job (honest, the Ryde Historical Society told him!). On down to Quarry Road, where he successfully managed to lose most of the pack towards Elmfield before turning up through town to return via Spencer Road. We almost lost Shergar at one point as he dutifully followed a pack of red-clad ... Ryde Harriers - he would get a DD anyway from RA, Limpit, for mug forgetfulness. He was joined by Fracas and Philthy for running past their own houses and not organising drinks stops - Philth later admitted that he's still trying to give away his excess party beer! Mash, dealer in ashes of the deceased, was up for being "fit enough" - well according to Gis anyway. So, as we noticed Busty cornering the market in egg boxes, it was Gis, our Hare, up - with an appropriate suggestion of what "The Working Class" should do for him, and an affirmation that he was still "Part of The Union" - all other songs being taken as red.
It was a Bank Holiday to remember: warm, dry and the sun shone brilliantly. Limpit and Cooperman had set an interesting trail around Havenstreet and adjoining Firestone Copse with remarkably little flour (as the RA's spies reported). Bluebells still abounded. Despite the promise of "a short R#n", the Hash were out for a considerable time - perhaps on account of the untypically high temperature. First home (of the Runners) to the Railway Beer Festival were Alice and Winalot - clearly consummate readers of spoor. PoorSod's permanent readiness for hanky-spanky explained his appearance among those taking DDs, though many others professed themselves equally Scout-like. Bergerac and MaBaker were both summoned, neither knowing exactly why, to join TwistedSista, recent perch for an African Spotted Eagle Owl which she had spotted at the Event. Striding over a static beer, ShortHorn and recovering Bart demonstrated their leg-over technique - an art which Tina confessed she had yet to master. NumpT had exploited an early opportunity for disgrace in the car park by making straight for a coach which was hard by (not 'HardOn' - he was in ecstasy on the briny) the 'Off'. Oates was an early trail-reading casualty, heading directly to the Beer Fest. Curly did his best and stood in as parent for the GM, whose skill-deficiency in that quarter is legendary. Sue Gale, a civilian, was also dragooned in, having under-wisely addressed the RA while he was in full flow, to be joined by Shergar, who had led some foolhardy individuals on his own route.
LoadingBay and Ganges entertained us from the Ventnor Park - though we were not sure whether it was the quality of the Run that attracted most, or the quality of the delightfully-refurbished Volunteer that awaited us for the Apres. Assembling under the Bandstand, there were few words to guide the trail-followers apart from "not very flat...". This led along the coastline, past Steephill Cove and towards St Lawrence, where the hares had arranged an aerial fly-past. Things then went more vertical with the ascent to the rugby club - all rather pretty really and a trail area that we have not done for some time. We regrouped in The Volly, where a wide selection of beers and plenteous snacks awaited. First-up was landlord, Mr Perks, for his tasteful restoration of this Classic Pub. Someone had seen Mash "Spotting Greek Gods", and who was late with Gis, and also "late bus" Limpit. Then BeerPump got one for "Passing a red light"; the Hares; and finishing with sunflower-bedecked Geri, fresh from Walk The Wight ("one walker drinks..." etc etc). Incidentally, the RA 'walked the wight' - and if you don't believe him, go to Ventnor Esplanade...
NashBash 2018 - If you weren't there, your wheels were Square!
Of course, it was all P-Rick's stupid idea. After much refreshments at the last Nash Bash in 2016, he gave a salute and found that he'd just volunteered to host the 2018 NashBash! First problem was that We Didn't Have a Bash on the Island... That was solved, with the aid of BeerPump, and we are now getting out around once a month. The Brighstone Holiday Camp chalets (scene of a Certain Wedding) were booked and all looked well until the Site was sold and negotiations had to be held to retain the Event.
To cater for the many abilities (and arrival times), a loose ride-out to the Needles was planned for the Friday Night. The off-road option looked attractive until riders found we'd be returning in the dark! Even so, many risked the main road route for a viewpoint that was shrouded in mist, before a return via the Highdown Inn and, for some, the Hulverstone Sun. The more sensible patronised the local dining pubs.
Saturday was NashBash, and also Ride021 of the Wight Pedallers, and enabled us to enjoy the many off-road paths in this corner of the Island. Three trails awaited: The 'Bearing-Breaker' (32m) took off up St Catherines Down en-route to the Chequers Inn, while the Medium (23m reportedly) cut a few corners to the Pub. Both trails then ascended Chillerton Down before both arrived at Carisbrooke Castle, for Oates' Lunch Stop, and to meet with Geri's Short Trail which had visited a number of Places of Interest in the valley. All trails reached Brighstone Forest by various means - some were lost, but most were found, before we descended steeply off the Down and back home. GPX files for the routes should be available on our website.
Sunday gave Bashers the chance of a Hangover Bash, Ride022, from Ganges, or a R#n with the Isle of Wight Hash. We cycled over to the Longstone from where a choice of routes led around the forest before a never-ending ascent to the reservoir and that Brighstone descent again.
A short DownDown session on the Sunday summarised the Weekend which many hailed as "superb" and "one of the best NashBash Venues". Dipstick got an inverted one for being "upside-down"; Coops got one for a sin on a ride that he wasn't on; then drinks for all the organisers and helpers; and, to finish the beer: "One Bash GM drinks, All Bash GMs drink!".
On Whit Sunday, the remains of the highly successful NashBash copiously complemented our 'native' Pack at Brighstone Holiday Camp, and it was off to the East, hugging the coast until the Chine, where the trail turned left and headed for the heights of the Downs. On their return, Harettes, NumpT, Sucktion and DilDoh! were summoned and commended for their trail. Their extra reward was that DishyDad was called to drink with them. 'First home', Celine, had had to leave early, with her Dad, Philthy, so her DD was polished off by MiniBar. MarkyMark, once a frequent flier with Our Hash was chastised for 'Desertion' ("is that likely to encourage him to return more often?"). Deaf to his assertion that he had been pushed, Shergar, "He's fallen in the water!", also merited a slurp. The Hares had been mortified by FriendlyFire's caustic criticism of the artistic design of their Fishukes, while Geri's obliteration of one Huke ("I'd like two further offences to be taken into account, please") was sufficient grounds for her appearance among the transgressors. Oates, was noted for his super support. Limpit, too, joined the line-up for "abandoning her bicycle". Knead had ignored the Hare's injunctions against entering into discourse with a "Stroppy Mere". FannyMac and commis-chef, GottlaGeer, were thanked for their splendid efforts on the Day and over the weekend, before the (still) Happy Couple of Busty and P-Rick rounded off the session by celebrating the First Anniversary of Marriage in the very place where their nuptial celebration had been enjoyed. 'Twas indeed "a lovely day and a beautiful trail, despite the nettles".
It was the Late Spring Bank Holiday. Unusually, the sun shone brightly over a highly-populated circle in the Landslip Car Park. We knew that 'Up' was inevitable but our Hares, Bones and chief assistant, GroyneStrayne, had decided to spurn the ascent of Nansen Hill. Thus the trail led the sizeable pack - swollen by visitors, tall and shorter, relatives, returners such as Mongrel and Sandy and sailors bereft of wind - down Devils Chimney into the bowels of the Landslip. Herein lurk beasties and creatures which eat people like Gisbeau and HardOn, so such folk made straightway for the safety and tea of the Café - they were followed, after about an hour, by the RA, Snowman and TwistedSista. The shorter trail led past the Wishing Seat (the Committee still live!) and all the way up Luccombe Down, with significant excursions for the more enthusiastic. On the trail, nettles claimed various victims, before that nemesis which is 'Nansen' caught up and they made its precipitous descent. The Crab & Lobster's conspicuous generosity of provender for the "Hash Down Harriers" (sic) was eventually polished off, along with a good deal of its Real Ale, once DownDowns had been taken by some of the above, together with: Some of our Many Visitors - MrsDoubtfire, OldLegover and Oliver; Bergerac - Nettled (Geddit!); Virgins - Philippa, Julie and Joely the Handbag-deserter; Philthy - spurned at a kissing-gate; Alex - the spurner(another Virgin); Paul - taking one for the Pub; Mongrel and Sista (who had asked her whether she knew BT!); MagnumPI - finally the 'Three Degrees', and another archaeologist.
With young Baldrick always willing to fill-in as Hare and, more often than not, finding the Venue to be the Sportsman's Rest at Porchfield, he was best-suited to make a silk purse out of the sparse access opportunities here. This, our third Blue Moon of the year, would be a fast yomp, cut short at the start to avoid "some aggressive cows", yet making 3.64m for Fracas in a diminutive 45 minutes - even, as Shergar claimed, having "more fishukes than John West"! Eleven of us paid and most got to Three Gates Farm where we turned and sped back along the road. Notable were Hare, Baldrick - "doing a Magoo by using his car"; NumpT, in flip-flops - "Can I have a lift please?" and hiding checks under traffic cones; and Coops - as Mary Poppins, carrying a brolly in case of rain. The pub were astounded by our exploits: "You ran?", "On footpaths?", "Through the fields?" - someone quietly explained Hashing to them - before we devoured their generous plates of sausage, chips and sweetcorn, intended for twice our number. Fracas then presented a modest two DDs: to Baldrick for "yet another cr@p R#n!"; and to mug-less Shergar for "the most reliable 50p!".
Many thanks for our kind Hosts, Mike and Ann for providing their garden as an excellent venue for a hastily-organised but highly-successful Thirty-Fifth Anniversary celebration for the Isle of Wight Hash House Harriers. It was also FriendlyFire's birthday, but that took second place. A short Balders' R#n past his house and zig-zagging from the church back to the pub before traversing to Godshill, and turning to Niton, from where Bergerac observed that "we crossed the river at the waterfall, being the only feature of any real note on the whole flattish trail!". During all this 'The Three Fillies', DilDoh!, Suction, and BitLarge, shot off, trotting along in the front, chatting away, with the rest of us struggling along behind trying to keep up. It was also noticed that Boycey was attempting to introduce a new post into Hashing, namely 'Check Checker' - the sole responsibility being to wait at the check until the correct route was identified! Après, we sipped, supped, and generally slid in and out of our Hosts' swimming pool, applauding our entertainers: P-Rick (guitar), JimJams (accordion), and Jibbers (accordion) - then attended to our stand-in RA, Bergerac, with a very entertaining session of relevant sins, birthdays, thanks, and other notables, finishing with Groyney for the term 'anal minute' - this is defined as being "precisely sixty seconds as opposed to more generic definitions which don't have that constraint".
Counter-intuitively, Geri, the Hare, announced that the Trail from Wroxall Car Park would be "flat" and, to be fair, returned Pack did not dissent from this - even though they managed to cram in Apuldurcombe. It was flat ... but long! Thanks to visiting FiveBar, and the presence of Suction and Fracas, we had a plethora of Grand-Masters at the start. Oliver and Joely did wonders to reduce the average age and to cut down the overall running time. Relaxing in The Star, we heard the RA reward Bergerac for assuming the mantle of RA the previous week. Toby, virgin, was invited into the Circle, as was Julie (whom Drover was very keen to name "Bo Peep"), with Henrietta, as a long absent Hasher, 'supporting' HardOn, who'd misplaced his stick. Then, time being somewhat pressing, the RA took one for Busty.
The Brighton 40th Celebrations, with apols to Snowman for grossly reducing his report, due to paper shortage... BeerPump Quote of the Weekend: "I love beer!!" and who could doubt it - as the Brighton RFC ground was the perfect place to be during BH3's 40th birthday. Gentle hills on all sides, access to Town, just right for running your own drinking/running event. Registration involved a shocking pink wristband, a printed pink bandana and fingernail varnish in garish orange, the purpose of which in Brighton remains obscure. We moved over to a tempting rack of help-yourself colour-coded beers, light/medium/dark. So, having tented up and said appropriate Hellos, the lead contingent, Cooperman, Limpit, PoorSod, and Snowman, scrounged a lift to the nearest pub - even though it had no part to play in planned pub crawl, for which Snowman had diligently printed-off the route, and forgotten to bring it. So they drank up, out to the nearest bus stop, flashed passes and rode to Wetherspoons. A clue led them to the Lord Nelson, whence started a trail of Harveys Beers and fine Olde Worlde Ambience to enjoy with BeerPump and PropShaft, together with All The Usual Suspects. Saturday was breakfast, cocktails and a choice of 2 to 11 miles. Most of us opted for 4.5 with beer stop - a mostly uphill lung-buster reaching the heady heights of the Devils Dyke Inn with its amazing views stretching into the misty distance. On down to a delightful National Trust semi-derelict manor house with lunch consisting of pies, crisps, choc bars, fruit and beer, before a lift home. Very nice. Now it was time for a kip. The curry that evening was more than adequate. The fancy dress theme "Camp it up!" brought forth a fine range of personal interpretations of what that meant. Sunday Morning was a repeat of Saturday, including the very welcome bright blue sky but the hangover run under the direction of Cooperman's namesake - was a long drawn out urban traipse. But All In All, OK
First to disgrace our Wootton Station assembly was HardOn: "Who's Hare?" he asked - despite standing next to two Hashers clad in orange 'Hare' vests! One, Gisbeau predicted "opprobrium in abundance" after the Hash - and he was not wrong. His able partner, Mash, had worked with him on the trail, but with ample room for misconception, participants returned from a bewildering range of directions, over an extended period. Added to this, The Woodman was under-prepared for our arrival and with early departure of our sailors, the challenge of the Après may become clearer... We were delighted to have LasVegas joining us and to see MoorWhine - as well as Madonna and CoolBox, whose magic app', revealed an intricate, concatenation of interlaced loops - which may explain the multiplicity of OnInns. Poubelle distinguished herself by returning last - despite having the map AND living near. Snowman, illustrious father, grand-father and Great-grandfather, took the Fathers' Day, while Neversaurus and Limousine were drawn forth to accompany birthday boy, LipsOn, to mark his 60th.
Still looking for a report from the Chessell run! Reportedly, a fine Shergar outing around the many paths that populate the top of the downs. Apres was in the Sun Inn, Calbourne.
Great Controversy as Bilbo returned from Thailand to lay a St Helens trail - only to find the causeway shut for maintenance. Such delays meant that he was somewhat grateful that we managed to lose about three miles of trail up by the farm and still get back in the hour. With the date of this R#n moved so the GD could watch football, there were many appropriate metaphors flying as FriendlyFire attempted to Summarise Sins. Shutting P-Rick up, regaining control of the Circle, and ignoring "civilian infractions", FF identified Jibbers as a 'virgin' fullmoon fishuker, while FF himself was dobbed for "inability to count to five" on the huke. Cooperman was impolitely told to "get a life" for reaching his Vinda100. Then Chaos as we 'debated' moving the 200th Run Date - might we have seen the Birth of Democracy on the Moon R#n???
"Scorchio!" was the weather which greeted the arrival of Mudguard and MiniHaHa, celebrating their fourth month of Marriage, to join Geri's Trail, from Newchurch Football Ground (shut) - spoor having been deposited in the comparative cool of 6am on what was also Snowman's Birthday. P-Rick was late on parade, as BusTippler had left shoes at home - he was just about to take part in his umpteenth charity ride to Paris - few envied him. Off towards Sandown then turning to enjoy relief from the sun in the shades of Borthwood and America Woods. As most of the trail had disappeared, Geri, on her speedy cycle, acted as guide to The Lost. Welcome beer, sandwiches and chips greeted us at The Pointers, where the RA summonsed Chips and Naaither for "Talking Trumps Memory" - ("Where's my bike key?"); Our Visitor: Mutiny, and Our Virgin - Tina; 'Phone in circle: Chris; MiniHaHa who did a Bo-peep with NumpT; "Who else lost her charges?": BellEnder (slow runners' guide); "The Inquisitor": ShortHorn ("where's the run fee?"); and "It's never too late to learn" for the RA (don't leave butter on your car-seat when it is Scorchio!).
"Stonkingly Hot!" came the increasingly superlative cry as we parked on Chale (Keep Off The) Green. A keen and energetic pack was introduced to runes by Baldric before it was off to Gladices and the flat bit. Skirting Warren Hill through fields of agricultural crops, the Hare remarked that we'd passed through beef, potatoes, and sweetcorn - already well on for a nice Sunday Lunch! Onward, nearly to Little Atherfield, hoping for some peas, and then a loop of Southdown, losing sun-creamed Bilbo who seemed deaf to any instruction. After experiencing Curly's 'premier' iced shandy-bucket, we regrouped in the garden of Joe's Bar, where PoorSod attempted to sell-off his old TShirts - most of which had his name on! Other offences were outlined by the RA and these included "Not The Hare" Pete, who'd nevertheless gone out and bought a new pair of running shoes and then found about the only mud in the valley! Stopping the barlady from clearing away the scattered DownDown glasses, the RA continued with Lips and Berg for "Short cut come-uppance", and finally to "get a life" Baldric for Haring and for achieving his 500 Runs - comment came that "think he's probably hared about 400 of them!"
And now with Nash Bash 2018 safely tucked away, we moved into a variety of trails for the autumn period. These come under the category of (i) Nice Trails which are mostly on quieter roads, (ii) Gentle Off Road, needing a suitable bike and with some easy climbs, (iii) Idiot Hills, where there will always be a softer option!
Coming under the first (nice) category was Bash023, which was Trigger's Birthday Ride from Caulkheads, Sandown, and riding off North. Well attended, and a good model for future similar 'on- road' events.
With our planned Hares unwell, we were introduced, at Marks Corner, to our stand-in Hare, Philthy - or was he? Despite continuing record temperatures, we were treated to a shady, silvan trail through woodland paths where the hardness of the ground contrasted from the normal wintry shiggy. All went well for the first part of the trail under the woodland canopy but then we left cover at PallanceGate and struck off towards Northwood. At this point, Balders, backmarking, suggested that Coops led a shortcut up an un-reconnoitred footpath which resulted in about twenty tail-enders wandering aimlessly around a ten-acre field without exit. Such sins did not go unreported to the RA who presided over events at the Travellers Joy, following some scrummy chips and sausages: As 'Stand-in' for the 'Stand-in', Chris was called up; P-Rick was found "patting his Dexter"; Geri had "trouble getting my leg over!". And it went on... JimJams had an impromptu swim, followed by "An Entertainment" followed in which the delightful Miss Geri accompanied MrMagoo in a short sketch, before we celebrated LimboDancer reaching double figures! Cwps
Was it trepidation at the potentially loooonnng run (Hare BellEnder, aided by Neversaurus) or the prolonged hot spell which accounted for perspiration-beaded foreheads at Sandown Airport? (wrote the RA). Whichever case, after a short distribution of home produce (Philthy received bananas, which turned out to be courgettes) the Pack set off, whereupon injured Gisbeau drew up a chair at Oates' Bar and waited for their return, while HardOn and the RA accompanied the charming Pippa and her tiny daughter Isla, to the Bistro. But discontent was simmering... "Grrr! Cars parked on our private road" leading to "one of the UK's busiest airports...". Meanwhile, on the trail, JimJams, fancying himself as Hare, adulterated an 'R' to set an alternative leg. This shockingly bad form was in full sight of his virgin guests: Tim, Laura, Sam and Nacho - whose presence helped to make a rich mixture of nationals: Argentina, Brazil & Dubai. And, including TwistedSista's companion, it made our first r#n with two Islas. In recognition of a certain national rally occurring in Ryde, the RA, at The Stag, was pushed to find suitable metaphors, so "Glowing with Pride", "Mothers Pride" and others were rejected in favour of "Pride and Prejudice" Snowman, who joined Winalot to demonstrate DDs to the visitors. Caught "phoning his inamorata" Bilbo was up, to be joined by PussyGalore, who took a drink on behalf of her spouse (generosity in the Bistro) and Flossing, to join Carly, from the Pub with hearty cheers to thank them for their, as ever, most generous plates of food.
And it was 200-Up from our customary Special Location of Carisbrooke Castle. A short wait for all to arrive for the Photo, then a DoorKnob and Shocker trail, off along the marshes to Garstons (bit familiar this...).
Apres was at The Woodman with twenty one sitting down to a Celebratory Meal, where Coops (who'd done his first fishuke in three years) gave a DD to Sucktion responding to "OnBack!" by saying "Does he mean us???". Sukkers replied with sailing awards to Busty and DilDoh! Then Philthy related DoorKnob explaining trail details before falling over. Then P-Rick thanked the Hares and went on:
⇒ Our First R#n was 6:30pm on 12th August 2003 from Carisbrooke Castle.
⇒ There were 29 Hashers on the First R#n.
⇒ In May 2007 we 'Split the R#n' between Brading and France.
⇒ We held FMNH on 1st August 2009 'The Ticket To Ryde' - 146 came.
⇒ We celebrated 100 Runs in June 2011 at Rotherhithe.
⇒ On 21st Sep 2012, the First GreatNorthSouthR#n - 46 Ran
⇒ In January 2015 back to London for the 150th R#n
⇒ There are currently three Vindaloos over 100 (Fracas 172)
⇒ Now over 100 registered on the 2018 GNSR!
(Sukkers said that she was very glad to lose her Vindaloo, as "I could then see my children's teachers!")
Here is a picture of a rain storm, a bit like what hit us at Full Moon Nash Hash at Buckingham Rugby Club - but in between... a splendid weekend from the 'Cow Under the Moon' Hash. An entertaining pub crawl around the old town (well worth it just to see Dippy in high-heels and Cocka doing the entire thing in an inflatable condom) was followed, on Saturday, by a jog around local countryside. Add to that, the general 'Moon' attitude, the live band and ginbar, and it all added up to a great weekend for the Vectis contingent: Suction, Oates, P-Rick, BusStripper, Fracas, Coops, Limpit, Gis, Mash, PoorSod, DilDoh!
After a very prolonged, very hot, dry spell, the rain was greeted with a blend of joy (gardeners), displeasure (Fran, Chips and Naaither, who had spent the previous day setting a gloriously intricate flour trail, leading from Harry's Bar, around the Mede, up to the top of the Down with its spectacular views) and contentment, from the RA, who prefers a lower mercury level. Shergar was volunteered into leading the 'long' leg, on which he was followed by Bilbo. Chips led the slower runners but soon managed to shake them off, returning, accompanied solely by Henrietta, to find PitStop waiting to welcome her back. Tiramisu joined the other adagio Hashers, Sandy and Gnasher, while BeerPump headed off towards Ventnor, Philthy disappeared completely, and JimJams fitted in an extra leg or two somewhere. Last at the 'off' were Baldric and Tara (a canine, HashCash, so no fee for her!), and late arrival at the Après was Bart who then qualified to be our champion in a "Drink-off" with our landlady which may have resulted in a dead-heat. Thanks to the Pub's traditional generosity, there was copious food for forty - so more than sufficient for our reduced Pack of sixteen - several bodies having opted to wave the Wight Flag at other "Do's", in England.
Another Splendid Day which, the RA noted, brought some two dozen out, despite conflicting attractions such as the Isca Awayday. We left PitStop in the "Church Car Park" to redirect to the lately re-arranged Doctors' Car Park in Brading Mall. Novice Hares, Gnasher and Sandy were well-pleased with the turnout, and led the slower trail on an easy ascent while sawdust led the 'proper' runners up the chalk downs overlooking Sandown. FRB, JimJams, complained about "pork pies" from one Hare, but blithely disobeyed her advice and consequently went astray. From atop the down, a bosky route descended towards the Villa (but not inside, Bergerac!) before the Butterfly Walk and OnInn. P-Rick supplemented his route with an extra leg-stretcher back to the original starting point. The Wheatsheaf was, as usual, generous in its provision of sausages, sandwiches and chips, and Landlord Greg, took a Lager DD. Baldric's Late Arrival was noted, as was PitStop's late payment to ShortHorn; Peter earned a demerit for (still) being unhaberdashed, while Fracas took a 'non-driving' one, as did Sandy, who managed to clock up more miles than the average Hare on today's Hash, whereas the RA, who had helped to hare, did rather less...
Roman' All Over Devon 2018! And, at the start of August, it was off to Topsham, near Exeter, for the Annual Isca H3 Roman Awayday - a hilarious yomp around an unspecified part of Devon, travelling, dressed as Romans, by Coach, Rail, and Boat, but not necessarily in that order… IWH3 Centurions were Snowman, PoorSod, EasyRider, Limpit & Coops. The weekend started with a Bash around the River Exe, a Red-Dress r#n around Topsham, the 'Awayday', the Sunday HangOver, and staying till Monday. Snowman received his 10-year Mug, and celebrated in Red Dresses with his doppelganger, BrokenMan. First Class Hashing - see you next year?
Concern at St Helens Car Park: No sign of Rambo - Overseas Hare. Reportedly, he'd earlier blotted his copybook by arranging a Pub crawl to suit BeerTotallers and people without children - not like his party! Bang on Eleven, he appeared - promising "a run to suit lovers of longer runs" - thank goodness the GM had returned! Armed with hope, and two maps, we set off for our the Old Village Inn. Quite some time later (during which Cooperman reunited Gnasher with her Keys, and HardOn carried out a raid on a skip), PitStop and Chips made it back first to the Pub and were delighted to receive their first drink 'free to Hashers'. The Hare took a DD, as did 'Parker' (aka PoorSod) (predicted to become the fastest thing from Earth). P-Rick (returning to the car for his 'phone, so he could contact errant Dexter), and our Caulkhead ("Which way is Bembridge?") BellEnder, were summoned, too. Bulldozer was visitor rep, Limpit stood in for Coops and two from the Pub took precious seconds from their culinary duties to see off their beers. After that, BeerPump's unusual interpretation of "Dogs on Leads" resulted in a summons for him; joined by visitor, WhoKilledKenny, rewarded for arriving with a bike-basket full of beer! JMM
To begin with, the proposed 'American Supper Barbecue Lunch' which had been planned for the Après at Thorness Bay, looked in doubt. It wasn't cold when we gathered at the End of the World for the Words of Wisdom, but drizzle threatened. A collective decision to brave it out proved that "fortune favours the brave" - the sun even came out as Oates wove his barbecue magic. The Hare, BeerPump's, multiple changes of underpants merited a DD ("I never said they were clean!" was the feeble defence. He was accompanied by Fracas, coveter of the clothing on a Scarecrow - which turned out to be human! PoorSod's indecision, "To cut short, or not to short cut?"... was enough reason for him to be up, as was fishuke-dodging, "My laces needed tying", Pump; "Mine, too!" offered ShortHorn, meekly; "I thought it was an Island tradition" added Dipstick. The GM shopped Peter for bush-whacking her with a bendy branch. She revealed that DilDoh!'s main concern on crossing a shooting range was danger to her TShirt (a boost for our Haberdashers?). Last up were TwistedSista, and Gnasher's family, Lesley and Mia, adding another r#n to their total. Cwps
Pump, Trigger, Optimist and the new 'Twatman' were Island Reps at the inaugural trail and fall-off for the 'South Hampshire All Terrain' Bash on 25th August - they had offered to host Nash Bash 2020, but changed their mind when then met our lot!
Godshill Car Park - and we'd hoped the rain would hold off for an hour or so but, no, it started pouring just as we hit 11am, in fact PussyGalore and HardOn b#ggered off without attempting to start, (can't say I blame them, wrote BellEnder). The few brave souls that turned out completed the well-laid trail (loads of shavings), despite this the runners still went wrong and disappeared up a hilly path that only had two blobs - in fairness I doubt they could see where they were going! We took the trail behind the Griffin that wound uphill to Godshill Park, across fields to Redhill Lane, slow runners left the pack here, as fasties crossed the road. Prior to entering the Donkey Sanctuary, the pack were directed left over a style through the fields that led out near Sandford, across the main road and through the fields to Bathingbourne, Godshill Park, and OnInn - about 5½ miles for runners and 3-ish for slowies, needless to say we were all saturated as there was no let-up with the rain so we decided to scrap downdowns as the pub was fully booked and we were going to be in the garden, we did let them know - but, somehow, "tatties in the rain" didn't seem appealing so it was off home to wring our knickers out! BellE
For Philthy, the attraction of Parkhurst Forest is probably the similarities to the jungles of Phuket - apart from the elephants... Another of his trails graced VLFM 202 and led up from Noke Gate, through the older part of the woodland where mature deciduous trees lined winding leafy tracks. Anticlockwise past the scout camp and back in the sixty. The Kingston Arms did us proud with hot curry, as Shergar gave tips on Remembering Your Mug, and DoorKnob summarised the evening: Thanks went to assistant Hare, DogOnBeach, and to guests TWat with MoonVirgins, PhilthyBitch and Ben. Next, a 50 R#n achievement for DilDoh! and an excuse from the GD for lack of commemorative mug! Sucktion next for declining to mend Fracas' shoe "I'm not using my valuable elastic band!"; Then the Bar Staff showed us how to neck a beer, while P-Rick summed up the Evening with "Just loved tonight, Proper Hashing with proper Hashers!"
The Strange Case of the Missing Hare… In the Words of Wisdom, we noted that PoorSod and BeerPump were sporting New Shoes, though the more Senior's were more gaudy. TwistedSista was late 'Off', her SatNav failing to locate the Nunnery Car Park - but even later was BusStripper, who had loaned out her bike on the recent Bash. A worried HareRaiser was seen scurrying around the various routes-off, only to declare that Geyser had forgotten to lay a trail - still, someone remarked, this "would save the Hash the cost of a DownDown!" The nonplused Pack were despatched by the RA to amuse themselves for an hour then make for The Waverley - in this, they were assisted by Maggot, whose 2/- piece was used as a decider at junctions, on whether to go 'Right' or 'Left'! The Short-Run Hashers decided to follow Snowman, who never keeps to trail anyway, but lost the stragglers with a remarkable turn of speed with Limpit. LasVegas brought along a slew of visitors, some of whom were virgins (Mark, George and Joe). Their presence reduced considerably our average age, yet, paradoxically, raised the average runner's height - so for once, Bergerac felt very much at home. We welcomed back MoorWhine, and saw MagnumPI with her highly personalised bicycle-lock. Such sins were presented during the RA's joke session, where Maddie, representing the pub, took a drink, as did PhilthyB who'd twisted her ankle on an errant root, but used her charm to beg a lift from a passing tractor. T-Wat was up for "sterling café service" and Drover's return-to-form saw him on the Long; and Limpit, led astray by a mysterious force, took one for SCBs. And finally, Thanks to Us, for sponsoring Snowman's granddaughter Chelsea in her Run, came in the form of a scrummy cake!
Despite the absence of a large contingent of Nauti-hashers (on the Canals) a respectable couple of dozen - numbers augmented by Chichester visitors - turned up to St John's Road Station for Miss DilDoh!'s R#n. "I did it all myself, with flour," she proudly proclaimed, "but there's no real shortcut." Once Chichester's train arrived (OldFaithful and spouse arrives in a tasty sporty high-performance machine - fitting us in between appointments at Stately Homes) - the pack set off. After a little exploration of the minor roads, they headed East (the RA, scribing, was proud to know his Compass Points...) then turned off along Oakfield, then Railway line and into the country. There were a couple of tarmac stretches, which claimed one victim, who returned early, accompanied by Splasher. The summary of the run, offered by BitLarge on her return, was, "Absolutely fabulous, with lots of new, unknown trails." A very generous spread, taken in the sunny Pub garden, was interspersed with DownDowns: Our Hare; Throwing herself in front of a moving vehicle - PinkFlamingo; Abandoning injured Hasher (and his fiancé!) - SpiderMan; Birthday - Thumper; Pub's Representative - Laura; Lack of 'gusto' in singing - LasVegas and Splasher; Leading the slower runners safely home - Chips; Expert dog-handler - LimboDancer; Soon to be married (In the Big Apple) - LittleFlute; and finally for "Parking meter perturbation" - Pru.
Bash 025 was LunchBox's jaunt from Somewhere near East Cowes Seafront
Canal Desires 2018. Not so much a Narrowboat, more a floating bar, with adjacent sleeping and cooking facilities. This was the 2018 Isle of Wight foray onto the Grand Union Canal - and being about the ninth such adventure. Baldric was the brave (some said otherwise) organiser this time and managed to herd three boatloads of willing Island and Hardies Hashers to embark at Gayton, north of Milton Keynes, by use of many rows and columns of spreadsheets, maps, images, and at least two clipboards…
Fortune favoured our Venture, (apart from Poubelle part-demolishing a bridge), and we soon emerged from the Blisworth Tunnel into Stoke Bruerne, to join a 1940's festival. Most joined in with some sort of appropriate fancy dress before dinner at the Navigation Inn and a well-earned rest.
Moving down the canal on Saturday, a 'Run' was organised from 'Bridge 57' at Grafton Regis, and then just three bridges up to Yardley Wharf, but taking in at least three pubs on the way.
The Fleet was actually four boats, the final being P-Rick's craft, hired at a much economically lower rate, but the crew finding out later that this was from Leighton Buzzard, south of Milton Keynes. Moving swiftly north on the Friday, they were well entertained to dinner in The Swan by Daisy of the MK Hash. Then up to the New Inn at Wolverton to enable BellEnd's "Cultural Tour of MK", taking in some salubrious housing estates, the 'linear park', a well-preserved pub and a meeting with the local cows...
Thus most were 'tired' and only a few met up at the Barley Mow Beer Festival under the 'horse tunnel' in Cosgrove. It took a skilled organiser, SlackBladder, to seat all down for dinner at the Galleon Inn. But there was dancing, and the last revellers staggered back about midnight along the towpath for sleep, except those who stopped to finish off the whisky raffle prize on P-Rick's boat!
A Sunday lie-in for all, except for hangover Hares Bergerac and Balders, who led us down the canal on a lengthy, and alcoholic, trail round the Ouse Valley Park with added hazard of a semi-dismantled bridge on the shorter trail. Many thanks to all who made this an Enjoyable Weekend Afloat!
Poubelle was down to one stick - "that's so I can walk and play my flute", she claimed. Jibbers almost got banned for being too good on his harmonica. The sound was appalling! Thus began PoorSod's 2018 Musical Hash, with Balders charged with leading the long trail, and Coops attempting to adjust the speed of the short to coalesce at the appointed Band Call Stops, where the RA would conduct… All this over, we were entertained, outside The Kennel, in Springvale, to a Pimms Party, where beer Downdowns were awarded to: The RA, too many sharps and flats; Busty pushing a wall down; and others for "musical murder!". Then, thanks to Slackers for Canal planning was followed by "A Hashers Life is not a Happy One" from LoadingBay and team - but "not so much an assembly of songsters, more of a road narrowing!"
An inch of overnight rain, and threat of more, gave little encouragement for us to gather at Carisbrooke Castle (parking £2) - so Hare, Balders, was grateful for a sizeable contingent of overners, visiting after the GreatNorthSouthR#n. A short loop round the sodden marshes was lengthened to include a circuit of the Castle and a revisit of a mile of the previous day's 19-mile trek. In The Waverley, Sucktion ruled, quite effectively, as RA: P-Rick was up for a successful GNSR, with over 120 entrants, as visitor BellEnd pointed out a pavement full of 'PR' initials. He joined our Hare. Visitors next, with LaidBird crashing to bed after the R#n, clutching a bottle of beer; Bristol: SweatMonster leaving trail to visit the Castle; First Island Run to Uppy & Downy. MiltonKeynes' ArseOver playing chauffeur; BellEnd as Chief Dobber; and Goodhead for ordering a pizza from a place that turned out to be in Derbyshire. Oates for using the Castle Disabled Bay; FriendlyFire getting on the Girls' Bus; New Shoes for Dippy; and confusion for Dormy, wondering how P-Rick's dog got out the catflap. Then it was up to the Stockholm Absolut Hash to help us celebrate the Equinox...
The GreatNorthSouthR#n was awarded VLFM 203, then VLFM 204, led by "I never lie!" Fracas, left Seaview Car Park, and "it was short!" - well back in under the sixty, after all were kept together, visiting Seagrove Bay and Holgate Lane. At the Old Fort, finding Shergar and DilDoh! without Mugs, Busty was RA and noted MiniBar back, with Virgin SweatMonster marvelling at "the twinkling lights of North Island". Then "The Blonde Convertibles": DilDoh! (cutting across traffic) and Sukkers (cutting a fringe); "GetALife!" Gis (watching FlogIt) and MiniBar (watching BakeOff!). We had a rare visit from Malc ('Trumpton') Ross, for his community activities, but no DD for our 'failed Hare', Fracas :-(
Goddards Brewery Tour 30th Sept: A slightly chaotic, but popular, run by the RA preceded our 2018 Brewery Tour. But, almost double-length for Peter, who failed to realise that his next check was the last - outside the OnInn! And Jibs was up too for "excessive local knowledge". The impromptu Conker Champs were won with a skillful swipe by Ann - thanked again by the GM for the 35th Party in her "Millionaire House" - and became SlumDog! We were joined by Virgin Hashers, Rosie and puffing Brian of Ryde Harriers, alongside virgin 'runner', GottlaGeer. Then awards for "below-par" Snowman, "wounded" Bart, and "Painting the Town Purple" Sodders, whose old trail still fooled some. And finally to our Host, brewer Nigel; our Hare; and cheers for Oates on the excellent casserole. Cwps
It was TwistedSista's final boreal run this season, before she heads off to a warmer Cairns, in Australia, for six months. After the previous day's miserable drizzle, warm sunshine greeted the three dozen or so who met at Brading Station for the H#sh set by newly-named PussyFlap and Assistant. Their words of wisdom advised of dangerous animals, dangerous roads and "eight back on a Hook". En route there was a great deal of 'huke abuse' so Winalot and Busty paid the penalty in DDs. GottlaGeer's return to form as a runner last week, proved to be short-lived but Gnasher, returned from her holly daze stood in as a R#nner. Back at the Wheatsheaf, it seemed that they had forgotten we were to be there this week. Nevertheless, we gathered under the outside canopy to talk and drink. SlumDog realised she had been fortunate to have been named the previous week, as she confessed to a possible 'Tena moment' in the pre-run preamble. Chips' eagerness to show off her new bike, ("I can now keep up with PitStop"), meant that she collected a DD, as did Lippy, for accepting a seat on public transport, offered to the old gent by a polite young individual. ShortHorn, fresh from his transatlantic Father of the Bride duties stepped forward, accompanied by Fracas, who had upbraided him for driving to the Pub from the Station. EyeTie's eschewing of Haberdashery meant that he was called to the DD circle, flanked by C+CH3 visitors, Harpist and D.I.Y. The Hares were thanked for a fine trail. Though co-hare Jibber's dubious tactics (laying the trail behind, rather than ahead of the pack) more than justified his DD, they did nothing to detract from the freely-proffered praise for a trail in which slow and faster runners met on several occasions. These were preceded by DDs for our hostesses, Kayleigh ("Thanks for the Jägerbomb") and Hayley ("What do you mean, No sandwiches? - there they are! Kazzzamm!"). Many thanks to the Pub for their customary and exceptional generosity. JMM
And Coops and Limpit represented the IWH3 at the QuornH3 walking weekend. A remarkable hostel weekend at the Hollowford Centre, Castleton, with Hashers doing the catering, the bar and the games. A Friday crawl around the many pubs in town was followed by an extensive Saturday walk over into Hope Valley and then Run 987 up on Mam Tor on the Sunday. This is an annual event so watch out for the 2019 Event (and also note that their 1000th Run is due...) here.
This was the Pre-Lube for the large number of visitors for the 2018 Beer&Buses Weekend, the first Entertainment being the Bash from Lower Hyde, Shanklin at 10:30 (ish). Quite a few of us turned up, some visitors had brought bikes, others had hired (and were wondering how a 'bike' worked), but many were stranded at mainland ports in the Great Ferry CockUp. Doing the cyclepath and America Woods, we progressed over to Borthwood and, by means, to Peddlars (of course!). Many lost interest at this point but the Exercise Objective had been achieved. Too many visitors to B&B to mention (all the usual drinking suspects) but, of note, was SloeGin of the Phuket Hashes, on a World Tour.
There was advertised as the evening 'Run' from Lower Hyde to Shanklin (that's not far!) at 7pm. Discounting all those who were still waiting to get onto re-scheduled ferries, and those who just wanted a beer, it was a meagre pack that followed the short trail with most finding their way to dinner at The Crab.
The Beer and Buses Run. This was a convoluted, but highly successful enterprise by BeerPump and Friends, gathering us together outside Ryde St Johns Railway Station to enable the long traillers to leave at 10:30(ish). The objective of the Outing was the Beer Festival at Havenstreet Station. A considerable number of visitors came to join us, nursing the excesses of Saturday's Beer/Bus events. The longs quickly got to their first stop at Goddards, then on to Oates' refreshment stop - getting there some time after a 'medium' and 'short' trail stopped by on their way to the apres. A surprisingly large number were easily seduced by Coops who arranged an ersatz bus and train 'trail' via Wootton. All-in-all a Grand Day Out and a lot of thirsty mouths to fill for Geoff and the Beer Fest Team.
The October bash from Gunville Cycleway - Hare BeerPump, Attendees Geri, LunchBox, Trigger, PitStop, Chips, BitLarge. Snowman and a few forgotten others. You would think it reasonable to assume (wrote Snowman) that if a bash started at the head of a cycleway then that cycleway had to be a major part of the bash trail. Think again - we're talking about hare BeerPump here, so the cycleway played no part in the trail. Sneaky! Instead it wound up through the picturesque town of Newport - most notable feature the council office building with its post-modern plastic exterior - out through Gunville and Carisbrooke eventually to gather at the junction of Marvel Lane and Sandy Lane for short-cut instructions. Snowman took the short, with one or two others, which followed Sandy Lane down to Blackwater Hollow. Here he made a big mistake and ended up dodging traffic all the way up the A3020 to Rookley, and then on to the beerstop at the Chequers. A more sensible route would have been to take the cycleway to Merstone and up to the pub from there. Numpty! That was pretty much the end of the trail. A few beers later everyone made their own back into town - mostly along the aforementioned cycleway. Snowman to the cycle shop to have a handlebar extension fitted to his trusty steed, and then on to PitStop and Chips' for a fine selection of drinks and nibbles. Generous! Here Snowman graciously accepted the nomination of 'Grand Crank' assisted by Bart as Financial Adviser, which was carried on a reluctant show of hands. Make of that what you will.
The Away Team had reached Phuket and, under the guidance of PhilthyP, had bused round towards Krabi, to stay at Melina's Monkey House (a sad story about that name). For two days we chilled-out in the pool and in the Whale Bar, which sported local beers, and (we found) the obligatory older Thai lady with a Magic Wok. Highlights of the stay were a local run by Harry (Mr Pie) Houdini, taking in the beach, a local wedding, and along the river back home. The second highlight was a splendid kayak outing around the mangroves opposite Thalen Pier.
Only two months to go to Winter solstice, but what a splendidly sunny and warm day awaited the Hash as they gathered by the Jeals Lane bus stop on Perowne Way. A surprise visitor was Delia, from Winchester. Despite the absence of a good number (of travellers to Thailand and LoadingBay to act in a Matinee), over two dozen gathered and set off in search of spoor. "Mostly sawdust," said Bellender, "some chalk" added Neversaurus, the Hares. The trail led across the marshes, into Adgestone and back via the cycle track - P-Rick and others were effusive in their praise for the Hares. Carly, on behalf of the pub, accepted a DD (Lager!), joining Snowman, who had had to jog en-route, in order to catch up with the walkers, and Gisbo, who had challenged the Barmaid's accounting system, while an inability to pass up a retail opportunity was the reason for FannyMac to join them. The delicious Honey of Fracas was sufficient reason to summon him -"Well, it really belongs to my bees," he modestly opined - "Actually, doesn't it really belong to my flowers?" wondered the RA? Tina (might she eventually become "Twiggy"?) joined the DDs, on account of her falling over a branch, while Geri's callous catapulting of Shergar into the nettles meant that he too, joined the drinkers. Finally, we recognised the splendid 51 years of married life which was celebrated this day by PussyGalore and HardOn. "I only remembered this morning," commented one of the happy pair. JMM
ViewPoint SharkPoint What's the Point! With the IW Team moved across to Coco's, it was time for Run 002 of the PhiPhi H3 at 3pm (Run 001 had been 13th Oct 2014). A fleet of longtails took a wide pack of IW Visitors, Phuket H3, and locals, from TonSai Beach (the town) around the corner to AoPoh Beach, recce'd only shortly before by Hare, PhilthyP, accompanied by a local minder appointed by his concerned in-laws... Some ascending jungle later, and we were above The Beach Resort, and making our way down to a falsie in LoMooDee (Moody Bay), only to climb again up to the housing by the reservoir. From here, signs to 'The Viewpoint' were a bit of a giveaway, and the short-traillers wandered into Viewpoint2 (30Baht please!) and a cool beer softie (at this slightly religious venue)! Missing the convenient steps back down and home, the long-traillers were sent on a route round the higher Viewpoint3, and an off-path assault-course trail back through unmapped gullies and tree-roots, which explained why the Hare would spend so much time on the ICE! Apres in the Irish Bar, with a selection of RAs and a chance to air some IWH3 sins! - there was Plenty of Beer, so Why Not? And, at the close, a police escort home for our tired and emotional Hare! Cwps
A dark and eerie Grove Car Park at the back of Ventnor. Only a few regulars, due to a trip to Tie Land, but runners from other IW groups made up the numbers, including one recruited by Hare DIL DOH! whilst setting the trail. After the usual briefing the route took in Steephill, lots of steps and falsies, Rew Down then touched on Wroxall Down, with fine views of the sea. Here SHERGAR noted that a lonesome tree would be called a Fairy Tree back in Tyre Land. He didn’t say what type of Fairies because DIL DOH! moved us on. The evening was fairly warm and calm and the pack was kept moving together by the judicious use of Fishukes. The trail led back to town, more steps, and then a run-in to the CP. A good 5 miler very close to the allotted time of an hour. The Blenheim proved to be an excellent choice of venue for the Après, despite SNOWMAN’s quibbles, serving good beer, Proper Job, and having enough space to circulate amongst the newcomers. The RA, P-RICK, gave DDs to The Hare, Nigel the brewer, Rosie for something and FRACAS copped one as well. Thanks go to DIL DOH! For a well constructed trail and Après. On! On! Fracas
And Baldrick laid a Guest Hash for Looe and Liskeard H3 on Saturday from the lay-by outside the Donkey Sanctuary, on the Wroxall Road. Somewhat a Hangover Event, it turned out to be a three-mile trail, mostly off-road. All agreed it was "an interesting and challenging trail with spectacular views", ending at our guests' residence, Daish's Hotel in Shanklin.
A short boat trip took our Away Team from PhiPhi to Phuket, with short time to book into the Expat in Patong, before boarding the HashBus to PhuketH3 Run 1708 at the Bang Wad Reservoir. A classic Eastern-style paper-trail Hash led steeply up some mountain tracks to the South - One Trail, with loops off the Short to give the R#nners some exercise - and Bilbo an extra hour in the jungle! Read about it here.
It was a cold day, despite the sun. The wind was chill and penetrating. The Hashers were numerous, even before the visitors from Looe and Liskeard arrived in a big, very big, mobile beer wagon (aka Coach). The route led down from the Culver Haven (no other direction being possible) and by varying routes to the Windmill, where Oates, PitStop and the RA were waiting with a very welcome beer stop. Then, again by a choice of routes, it was back up to the top. DDs were courtesy of Looe, Liskeard and friends. They awarded some to, for example, the Hares and a selection of their own sinners, HukeAbusers and people deserving credit. Wight Hashers dipped into the same bucket to recognise: That the first 'away hash' of Chips and PitStop, way back in the days of yore, had been to Looe and Liskeard. Since they were awol, (warming in the pub) their then-guide, Snowman, took the hit. Next up were BeerPump's new pumps. Being disinclined to sully his footwear, he was helped out by Geri, who loaned him one of hers (small, so several refills were needed). She had mistakenly assumed that Wilma was a hash-handle. Our visitor, Lilo, who unsuccessfully attempted to clear a barbed wire fence, had to be helped to achieve intimate clearance by Biggles, who was eager to describe the event in biological detail. Oates's sterling service in staffing the beer stop was noted. He having earlier departed Weathertop, visitor CaptainOates was called forth in his stead. The 'natty dresser' award went unchallenged to Ganges, and virgin Celia also took her welcome DD. Thereafter we all sought the warmth and chips of the Culver Haven, after which Baldrick and the visitors' coach did a slow-motion version of Smokey and the Bandit, in order to allow the coach to descend the down in raeg. (reverse gear). JMM
And the Away Team were guests at the Kamala Koma H3 Run193. Possibly "the hardest r#n we've ever done!", but we'd all say that, wouldn't we? Short, Sub-60, Paper-Trail with long loops format again going up, up, hot and up, above Kamala Village, descending via waterfalls to a circle above a small dam. Great time, and we re-met SloeGin, who'd visited Shankin for the pre-B&B Bash on 12th October. For an amazing 700B (3/6d), we had R#n, circle beers, and dinner at a local restaurant run by a mad German Hasher.
Post Halloween, Post Thailand, Geri's jaunt from Sandown Pier was a bit of a Hangover Trail, firstly blocking the whole pavement, then getting some, who took all the Long Options, down to Morton Common, Morrisons, and the outskirts of Shanklin. Hooker denied responsibility: "I wasn't really involved - we just went out yesterday for a walk and an argument...". Noting the slowish take-up of Committee Positions (what's new?), the RA, in The Castle, started with a joke entertainment, then a beer entertainment contest between injured Bart, and Nurse Busty (tending to JimJams' sting) - with beer-size proportionate to expected completion time. Another R#n injury was "Head, shoulder, knees and toes" Shergar, joining "Stiff Upper Lip" Jibbers for having a Thai Massage with his socks on. Welcome back to "Virgin Mrs" LittleFlute, joined by actual Virgin Bryony, and Keith (on special release). Then the 'Pub Downdown' went to … Bart.
A small, but perfectly mal-formed pack assembled at Golden Hill for Bash028. As further rain threatened, Hare, Bart, expressed doubt that any of his trail had remained from the previous night's deluge, then admitted that he hadn't laid anything anyways... Picking up new Grand Crank of the Bash, Snowman, we made up way via The Causeway to the delightful Off The Rails cafe at Yarmouth Station, and thence off to explore some new permissive bridleways that the Hare had discovered around Ningwood. All to Plan, until the rain started, progress got decidedly stickier, and a Run for Home was made, regrouping in The Vine.
On Remembrance Sunday a large group of Hashers arrived, augmented by sailing Hashers, Madonna (not wearing Hash Garb), with Slingshot and GlowWorm (fully kitted!), at the Sportsman’s Rest, Porchfield. Bouncer arrived for the occasion and Bergerac provided a radio-link to the Cenotaph for our annual Act of Remembrance - it will have looked impressive to the occasional passing car. After that, it was time to leave for Shergar’s trail, going east to the Forest - outwitting Cooperman and Limpit who'd walked from the westward bus-stop, hoping to meet the outgoing trail. Sukkers reported that it was It was 6.5 miles of mud, sea, trees, sun and showers - the cafe-folk having completed their trail before the first of these deluges. The trail was well-received by those who finished, then in was into the Pub for DDs, in which, in addition to any mentioned above, recognition went to: - Mash and PoorSod, for arguing whose snake was bigger; - Bart, for doing really well on the Hash with Coops' walking poles; Bart’s Dobber, (one of our young ladies); - Bullseye for an enthusiastic outing; - and to Poubelle (a vintage piloting offence from a 'Nauti' Hash). Jmmc (RA)
And it was "No Prisoners!" P-Rick leading off from St Boniface Down, assisted by the kindly BusStripper. This No Wimps policy lead to to a complete denial of the existence of any Lower Form of Being that would want to do anything but the Full Trail, going west down into Lowtherville, and on up onto the golf course via Rew Lane. Those not wanting the full exercise soon latched onto local-boy, Snowman, who put in an unplanned 60-min loop back to the car park, while others partook of lesser trails with termination at our OnInn, The Crab and Lobster. What a great pub! They had tables reserved, the locals were friendly, and the plates of chips, sausages and buttered bread seemed endless! When all this died down, the RA, in his second-to-last formal appearance, identified sins by: "Late on parade" Boycie; "Annivers'hare" Jibbers; "Puss-in-Boots" PussyGalore, alongside Gnasher's new shoes; "Altering Fishukes into Regroups" Bergerac; "Falsely calling On-on" BeerPump; "Manhandling' in order to avoid a Fishuke" ShortHorn; "Over-training" FriendlyFire (spotted practising with Ryde Harriers); "Innovator" (Velcro instead of laces) ShortHorn; and finally "Minoan bull-vaulting" (on the cheap: used a dog!) BeerPump. Jmmc (RA)
The popularity of the Great NorthSouth R#n has given the Great Dictator many contacts in the Running World - this bearing fruit tonight with a large contingent of FullMoon Hash Novices from local clubs. For our Entertainment, Sucktion had 'laid' a largely urban back-street trail leading from Newport Bus Station round the likes of Bowling Green Lane, Caesars Road, and St Cross Lane before a slightly over-60 loop up to Fairlee Park. Well done to the Hare and to the regulars for the fast-track Hash Training that soon got our visitors into the style - notwithstanding "it was raining so I hid the flour round behind things - see, it's all still here!". Relaxing in the Prince of Wales (our visitors had no problem with that…), PhilthyP was appointed RA, praising the trail, the fishukes, and the three public toilets - and called up P-Rick for recruiting, with Aaron (of Love Running) ("he gives me wet dreams!"). Then followed a "too much detail" story about Busty and waxing, joining Vegas and Incest for shortening their trail into a trip to TkMax! On the trail, Gis did the "heinous crime" of reading a planning application, while two of our visitors were up for overdressing in fairy-lights (reportedly causing the deaths of more than a few elves). And finally, after a fruitless search for Virgins, the RA had to take the Final Downdown. Cwps
A cracking trail from newly-mended Bart was the pre-ramble to our two-yearly BGM. Off from the now traditional election-venue, Harry's Bar, it was a classical long trail with shortcuts, taking some to Shanklin Down and north through America Woods in just over the hour. Apres, with down-downs costing £43.90, it’s lucky that new HashCash had brought some of his own money to supplement the R#n fees. First of all, we had our ever-generous Landlady, Nicola, who saw off her DD. Then Hare, Bart, carrying on a venerable tradition, took a well-deserved sip. LimboDancer’s early fall on the slippery bridge (was there a troll below?) caused her to be summoned, flanked by two visitors, Stilton and Little Bo-Peep. Madonna’s romantic remark en-route to PussyGalore (“Are we still going out,”) sparked interested speculation and was more than enough reason for them to feature. Much expectation (and some requests for explanation) greeted the final DD from today’s trail, which went to the impromptu ecdysiast, Miss DilDoh!, who was reported as performing en-route. Luckily, Hash Bard was able to provide 'linguistic elucidation'!
Following these, the outgoing Mismanagement were thanked for their past services, so: Suction, Mash, Gisbeau, Cooperman, Bergerac and Ma Baker, ShortHorn, Baldrick (quitting his sick-bed for the occasion) and the RA took their drinks (some of them virtually pints!) They were accompanied by Oates and CoeurDeLion, whose service as Beermeisters had so frequently been greatly valued.
Next up was the New Committee. There being no current candidates for Events Co-ordinator the following were elected unopposed. G.M. - BeerPump; On-sec. - PropShaft; HashCash - Fracas; HareRaiser - Gisbeau; Scribe - Snowman; Haberdash - Suction; R.A. - PoorSod.
Our retiring RA, longest-serving of All Committee Members, passed on this:
You and your forerunners have given me the privilege of serving as R.A. to the IoW Hash for, I think, over 30 years - before Jibber’s boy, Minibar was born, I believe.
I’ve seen IoW Hash grow in numbers, in competence and in reputation.
I’ve had the pleasure to serve with numerous Committees and GMs, from Tanglefoot and Godot through to Suction, by way of, in no particular order, Bendover. Bouncer, 5-Bar, Snowman, Poor Sod and Fracas - and it’s about time to let Fracas get due credit for doing the most Runs with IOW Hash (as opposed to my surprisingly large number of STARTS).
You have tolerated my foibles and idiosyncrasies, as well as a range of jokes - some more than once (but I’m not sure that anybody noticed the repetition).
During my time, we have welcomed lots of visitors from all over England, Europe and beyond, who always spoke of the friendly, generous welcome which you extended to them. I have flown with Cooperman - it was great - been king for a weekend and ploughed the Canals of France and England looking for elusive Kingfishers.
Our Hash has Drunk the World, re-lived the Wild West and revisited Flour Power. The last few Mismanagements have compassed the splendid Mediaeval Weekend, which was such a roaring success first because of the great job many of our Hashers made of representing the IoW, both in England and abroad and then because of all the unstinting efforts made by many of you here.
However, it’s not all about looking back - we have a new Mismanagement who are set to lead on to even greater successes.
I thank you for the time, friendship and warmth which you have shown towards me and I wish the new GM, all the Committee and YOU all the very best for the future… On! On!
This was Bergerac's, and MaBaker's, final event, organised before his retiring from the successful post of Events Coordinator. Back to the Palmerston Room at the Shanklin Con Club for 'Party Frocks and Black Ties', and full of those discerning Hashers who appreciate a good deal at £20 with some wine on the table! MrMagoo, lately our RA, gave thanks to All and entertained, in his traditional style, with some appropriate DDs ("bring your own wine!") and an Assembly of GMs!
The First Run under the New Order had Lippy leading out from Pallance Lane, through increasingly muddy paths on some of the GNSR route into Parkhurst Forest. "A bit of a triathlon" through wet and challenging conditions got us up to Marks Corner and further north for those who stayed the trail. Highlight was the apres in the Travellers Joy, where new GM, BeerPump, set out his stall of "keeping Hashing going on the Island", "making Sundays Special", and encouraging all to "Have a Go at joining the front pack". It was then for our New RA, PoorSod, to celebrate our Hares: Lippy and "laying weird shortcuts" Balders. Lippy then replied by dobbing Coops for blagging a lift in the Hare's car. Coops then summonsed BeerPump for allowing 'rent-a-dog', Dexter, to poo so that visiting Madonna would step in it. Carrying on this 'tagging' format, Pump got Vegas up for asking if he was "the New Commodore", and FriendlyFire for dissing Ukrainians by calling them Russians! - to these was added Gnasher for 'rushin' to the start... Then came Philthy, spotting Gis closely examining a particular tree ("there's thousands of them there!!!"); and explaining what used to happen when a pack caught a 'live Hare'! Fracas welcomed back StuntMan, hashing with us on-and-off for many years. Then the RA's First Naming, as JustPeter finally became BushWhacker - observing that "they said there were no rules but, every week, I find New Rules" - such as the custom of ShortHorn standing on a fishuke! Cwps
Limpit and Cooperman’s Christmas Bash started from Sandown Station, had a quick leg to show where the haress' house was, did a Concours d'Elegance along the seafront, then on to the omnipresent Peddlars via the bridlepaths above Alverstone, where Boycey remembered, while laying in a puddle, that she'd been told to bring an off-road bike... After our morning tiffin, where we were joined by late-arrivals, Poubelle and LunchBox, it was the Grand Newchurch Hill Challenge, ably done by about half of you (Well Done BusT!). A long leg to Princelett Barn, then the pleasant track to Ninham, finishing at the welcoming Stag. A delightful luncheon, and a sickly BeerPump, awaited us at Limpit’s Bijou New House where much fun was had and some of our many sins were revisited. Cwps
The Hash from Firestone Copse was laid 'live' by Poubelle, still tired from the previous day's Bashing, and introducing our Duracell-bunny, Ganges, as long-trail assistant. A very innovative trail, from our map experts, kept us mostly off the gravel roads and running around in the woods. Some late-arrivals asked a civilian if they'd heard the Hash (due to the customary sparsity of flour) and were told that "there was a lot of noise coming from all those bushes back there!" - this turned out to be Geri. And Fagin had a map, but it didn't bear much relationship with the Hares' trail! With a choice of an early bath, or a long leg over the road, we got back to the Woodmans, where Sod's Law was back in action. The jury's still out on this new Downdown Style but much entertainment was offered by guest-dobbers Philthy, Pump, Fracas, and others, with the return of Drover, giving a joke and acknowledging his "New Wellies"!
16 December Brighstone Forest, Short Horn
A grey uninspiring day with a spattering of rain in the air saw a decent size pack gather in the puddle strewn Brighstone forest car park. Hare Short Horn was dismissive of complaints about the weather, saying, ‘it rained all day yesterday and I was out for hours and hours in it laying the trail - I never complained once’. Most likely because there was no one to listen. But it was, according to Ganges and others, an interesting and innovative woodland trail that took those that did it all the best part of and hour and a half to complete.
Unusually Down Downs took place in the car park rather than the apres venue. This was because there was no apres venue, the Three Bishops had some Christmassy thing on and decided the hash would be a distraction. (and possible more entertaining). Fracas supplied the beer in the form of stubbies and half a dozen miscreants step into the circle, including Shergar and Ganges. Flossie made the most of her moment in the limelight by saying she was too nice to point the finger of accusation at anyone and so took the down down herself. Delightful.
VLFM207 from St Johns Railway Station will go down in FM History as the Eyetie apres but first … the r#n! The GD had rumoured of a seasonal 'pub-crawl' around Ryde - but this was Not to Be - due to the large numbers of Wootton r#nners who'd turned up, expecting a decent hour's trail around Ryde. And they were not disappointed, as we left up St Johns Wood Road, through the little woods and On along the top of Appley Park. Of course, reaching Springvale, we returned via the coastal route and the Esplanade - but well within The Sixty! This somewhat confused the slower trail folk, who'd waited expectantly at the High Park Tavern - but in vain! As suspected, the OnInn, and seasonal celebrations, was with our welcoming Host, Eyetie, at the Old Swans Nest - where an unsuspecting Aaron was appointed RA for the evening - acquitting himself well with the imposition of sins.
Last chance to wear those Santa Hats was DoorKnob's short run from Newchurch Car Park, which got us down into the woods but then straight up again to descend the chute and cross the Yar towards the Garlic Farm. A simple trail then led past Knighton and OnInn past Hill Farm. Seemingly easy and, indeed, a fair few ran, or at least followed, the main trail. Others were less fortunate, giving an extra half-hour for the Baldric crew and an unmentionable group last seen ascending Alverstone Chute! RA, Sodders, remained on form, and celebrated the Hare, together with P-Rick and BusT up for a footballing sex offence! T'was the Triple Beer Bar! This punishment also went to FriendlyFire, asking "How do you know there's a check here?" to the Hare! Joined by virgin Alex - and Philthy's Dress Sense. More triple fun followed with SlumDog "on her bum", Poubelle stuck opening a kissing gate, and guest PocketRocket.
And thanks to new scribe Snowman's new-style Trash - 'twas "more fonts, but less stories" they said!
There were a Very Large number of You, waiting expectantly at the Shide Car Park for Geri's End of 2018 Onesie R#n. Dodging late-arrival cars (Rambo and his London chums), Fracas welcomed us to this terminal occasion, and set the more enthusiastic off up Burnt House Lane - while the not-inconsiderate repechage moved slowly, under the guidance of Huker, towards the Drinks Stop at Chips and PitStop's maison on Staplers Hill. After Much Fun, we regrouped at the Prince of Wales - always very welcoming to the Hash - and, nibbling stuff, we attended to Suction, trainee RA, who "did well" summarising the Events of the day - firstly with a 'Girlie Crew' "tossing P-Rick's dog" (...I only report what I hear …). Then it was the "Onesie Style Bandits": FannyMac in a WetSuit, P-Rick in lycra, Hooker who "can't wear lycra" - with more than one innuendo to "which side you dress!". Mash was the token "can't pee in a Onesie!", joining BeerPump (dressed as a cow) and "I said I couldn't Run!" Trigger (dressed as a very credible reindeer). Then Thanks to the Hare (and Assistants) with recognition to Visitors Rambo and Bully, and a Warm Hash Welcome to virgins Sarah and Jazz.
The Grand Dictator's Report: An interesting year with lots going on at Home and on North Island. A lovely start with the January R#n being on the 2nd from Sucktion's house, who put on a lovely belated New Year spread. Incredibly, out of the blue, our run on 1 March from Firestone Copse was decimated by snow (Bart terminated his Vindaloo with a Cold)!! The Firestone Four were born and they make sure they are not forgotten!! Things then got even messier with many of us being tied-up in what turned out to be a really successful Nash Bash at Brighstone and followed shortly by Full Moon Nash Hash up near Solihull where we ended up with a damaged Cooperman! The trip to the Midlands was only two days after our 200th R#n, laid by Shocker from the Woodman in Wootton where afterwards I dug into the coffers for us to celebrate with a fine dinner. Then Coops, who'd just got his 100 Vindaloo, terminated it for a trip to Thailand, leaving only Fracas in treble figures...
The Great NorthSouth R#n grew again accommodating our first 100-plus entrants and was our first soggy trip unfortunately, although everybody seemed to enjoy themselves.
As always some stats! The Top Six Lunatics of all time with R#n totals over the past three years are as follows:
The all time Top Ten Vindaloo Rankings (*means still current):
Fracas 178*, Bart 145, Cooperman 106, Sucktion 64, P-Rick 60, Stalker 42, P-Rick 35, Bendover 31, Bergerac 24, DoorKnob 23.
Run/Hare of the year was to Me on 20th December, although my efforts compared to the work that Salvatore put in to entertain and feed us at his old restaurant for our Christmas run was of little significance!! OnOn to 2019! P-Rick