Dear Liisphyra
Episode 28 (S3E7): An Arboreal Q&A
Official Transcript
Written by Katie Siegel
[cheerful intro theme]
Liisphyra: Gooooood morning, Grevelon, and welcome back to Dear Liisphyra. My name’s Liisphyra Lyndambar. And if this is your first time tuning in, on this show I give advice to any folks and creatures who may need it!
Okay, wait, hang on—CAREFUL, Ruvyn! Careful!
[sighs] Our station manager, Ruvyn, is up in the branches of the tree that holds our radio station. A while back he did something to upset our mail person—I still don’t know what—so now they just toss our mail up into the branches of the tree instead of delivering it to the mailbox. Ruvyn said he made peace with them, but our mail keeps fluttering through the branches outside my window, so I’ve been finding that hard to believe.
We’re running low on letters asking for advice, so Ruvyn went out to climb through the branches and grab any letters he might’ve missed. Apparently, he’s been leaving some letters out there if the writer isn’t asking for advice. Or if the letter is too high up in the branches, but I think it’s mostly the former. I don’t know how he’s able to tell what the contents of the letter are before opening them. Guess that’s why he’s the station manager!
OH MY—whew. I’m watching Ruvyn through the window, and he almost slipped off a bough just then. No, don’t step on that branch, it’s too small! Put your foot on that one! To the left! Your other left. Namrys alive…just shuffle over to the window and hand me what you’ve collected so far.
Just a moment Liisteners. [voice fades to a lower volume as it becomes more distant] You know, we wouldn’t be in this situation if you just apologized to the mail person. Just get them a pie and say you’re sorry. Or you can keep climbing up here every day to collect our mail; be my guest. Thank you.
[voice grows in volume as Liisphyra returns] Alright, Liisteners. Thanks to Ruvyn’s tree-climbing skills, we have letters. Seems like these are going to be some non-advice letters, which is always a fun change of pace. We might just have to spend all of our time today on these. Not just because there are a bunch of them, but also because I’m pretty sure Ruvyn accidentally snapped some important vines while up in the tree, so I don’t think we’ll be able to hear from a caller today.
Soooo let’s read some of these letters, then! [rustling papers] This letter comes from Lavender Hightower, who writes:
“Dear Liisphyra,
If you could fight any historical figure (regardless of whether you would win or not) who would it be and why?”
I don’t really want to fight anybody! I generally try to keep things positive, so the idea of choosing someone from history to fight isn’t really something—oh I’ve got one.
Bainbarden Whilgren. For those who don’t know the story, Whilgren was mayor of Arogen, and was famous for throwing fits any time someone disagreed with them on something. One time they got into a heated disagreement with a mage about whether a pair of shoes were blue or purple, so the mage placed a spell on the town that made everyone agree with everything Whilgren said and did.
At first Whilgren loved this new situation, but quickly got tired of it. At one point, Whilgren started purposely messing up their hair and asking people if it looked good, knowing that it didn’t. But because of the spell, everyone would always tell them it looked good, which just frustrated them more. They started making themself look more and more bedraggled while continuing to insist they looked good, hoping someone would fight them on it, but everyone just kept agreeing how great their mayor looked.
After a couple weeks, a traveler was passing through town, and when they walked by the mayor, the traveler offered them a fresh pair of clothes. Whilgren insisted that they looked perfectly fine and didn’t need a change of clothes, to which the traveler politely disagreed.
Because someone finally disagreed with the mayor, the spell on the town was broken, and Whilgren learned a lesson about being open to other people’s arguments.
But if I could go back in time, I’d go fight Whilgren as soon as the spell was cast, to break it right away. Why did the whole town have to be punished for their mayor’s actions? I get that a lesson had to be learned, but I feel like there was a better way to teach it that didn’t involve ensorcelling an entire population.
That story makes me mad every time I hear it. Someone should fight that mage, too. Not me, though. I’d lose that fight immediately. I’ll stick with the non-magical mayor.
[rustling papers] Next letter is from Emma Gilleland, who writes:
“Dear Liisphyra,
Do you have a crush on Raedra?”
Raedra, my best friend? No! Well, I did at one point. Years ago. I’m always recommending books to her, but she almost never reads them. But one time she told me she was really enjoying a book I recommended, and started talking really passionately about it, and I was like, huh. This is a new feeling.
That only lasted for a couple hours, though. Later that day I went to watch her participate in a wrestling tournament, and she did really well, but by the end, I was over it. I’m not really into the sporty types, I guess.
Raedra knows all of this, by the way. She thinks it’s hilarious. Now every time she reads a book she says, “Careful, don’t fall in love with me!” [drily] Gets funnier every time.
[rustling papers] This letter is from Ganil, who asks:
“Dear Liisphyra,
Where is the most beautiful place you’ve been in Grevelon?”
Ooooo, that’s a tough one. I mean, the Towering Forest is definitely one of the most beautiful places in Grevelon, but I feel like growing up here I don’t always appreciate its full beauty.
So other than the Towering Forest, I’d say…oh! One time I went to visit my brother Lenral—he’s a traveling handyperson, so he travels all around Grevelon. Anyway, I went to visit him in the lower Marshlands to see the marsh glimmer.
For those who don’t know, certain parts of the Marshlands sometimes experience a thick fog that’s heavy with magic. When the conditions are right, the light from the moon will collide with the fog, making everything in it glimmer with different colors and look all wavy and warped.
I’ve read about the marsh glimmer and always wanted to see it, so when Lenral was in the Marshlands and heard they were expecting some heavy glimmer, he called me. I was worried I wouldn’t arrive in time, since it took me some time to travel up there, plus I had to take a detour because I saw a sign for something called “Grevelon’s Biggest Cup of Tea” and I had to see what that was about. It was pretty disappointing; I was expecting something much bigger.
Anyway, after all that, I met up with Lenral in Grobeck, a village near the lower border of the Marshlands, and that night, they had what was apparently their strongest marsh glimmer anyone could remember ever seeing! All the colors and shapes were just spectacular. Really, really beautiful.
So yeah, that’s my answer. Grobeck in the Marshlands, most beautiful place I’ve been, because of the marsh glimmer.
[rustling papers] Next letter comes from Rox, who writes:
“Dear Liisphyra,
I run my own news show, which I have been doing for a few months now. It's a tough job, but I like doing it. I was wondering if you had any advice, regarding the best way to connect with your audience, since I have been told that I struggle with that. How did you form a bond with your audience? I am a 250 year old gargoyle, so I am not too great with questions that require so much wisdom.”
250 years! I guess that’s still pretty young for a gargoyle, but I’m only 179 years old, and I’m here giving advice like I know everything about everything!
I’m joking, of course. I don’t know everything about everything. And I don’t try to! I think that’s how I’m able to connect with my audience, by being upfront that I don’t know everything, but together we can figure out a way to solve problems. I think people generally appreciate and respect openness. If you’re open and honest when you do your show, that will lead to a better connection with your audience.
Of course, it’s important to set boundaries, and your audience should respect those boundaries. This is a lesson for all of you Liisteners, too—just because you enjoy someone’s radio show doesn’t mean you should show up at their radio station and get so excited you take a bite out of it. Try not to do that.
[rustling papers] This question is from Ironhead Shark, who writes:
“Dear Liisphyra,
What summer activities do you enjoy? P.S. Sorry about the bite out of your studio, that one’s on me.”
Ohhhh, you’re the bite culprit. It’s okay, just don’t do it again. I can’t imagine it tasted very good, anyway.
Hm, summer activities…I think I might’ve talked about this before, but the Towering Forest Waterfall is always a great spot for hot days, but I think it was talked about on a radio show or featured in a magazine or something, because there have been more tourists than ever. Last time Raedra and I went, there were so many folks in there, I could barely see the water.
Since it’s been so crowded, Raedra and I found a different spot to swim in. Well, she swims, I dip my feet. It’s a really nice location, which I will not be sharing, because I don’t want it to get overrun like the falls.
[sighs] I miss the days when all the tourists just visited the Chattering Grove to get insulted by those silly trees. That didn’t affect my life at all, since I try to avoid the Grove at all costs. But I guess all the visitors are good for the Towering Forest, so I won’t complain anymore.
Okay, I think this might be a good spot to take a break and hear from our sponsor. Mainly because I just realized that Ruvyn never came back inside, which most likely means he probably got tangled up in some vines while up in the tree. I’m gonna go untangle him, and when we come back, I’ll answer some more of these questions. But first, a word from our sponsor.
Multiple voices: [sung] TFRS
Announcer: [spoken] You’re listening to The Breeze in the Trees, broadcast live from the Towering Forest Radio Station. Tune in to get your daily mix of music, soundscapes, and, of course, our beloved talk shows!
The Biz with Rhiz.
Rhizla: Hey there, I’m Rhizla, and you’re listening to The Biz with Rhiz. Let’s talk about keychains.
Announcer: Elves by Themselves.
Delladwyn: Welcome back to Elves by Themselves! I’m Delladwyn.
Isolne: I’m Isolne.
Veet: And I’m tired.
[laughter]
Delladwyn: Yeah, Veet’s gonna take a nap after we finish the introduction.
Announcer: Goodnight Grevelon.
Garwin: Myra, do you want to do the introduction this week?
Myra: Thank you for asking, Garwin. No, I do not.
Announcer: Dear Liisphyra.
Liisphyra: Gooooood morning Grevelon, and welcome back to Dear Liisphyra!
Announcer: Garzy’s Craft Corner.
Garzy: Hello, I’m Garzy, and today we’ll be knitting a wand cozy.
Announcer: Purg’s Cricket Hour.
[crickets]
Announcer: And more! So tell your speaking plant to tune in to the Breeze in the Trees, and open your ears to the sounds of the Towering Forest.
Multiple voices: [sung] TFRS
Liisphyra: Aaaand we’re back with Dear Liisphyra! If you’re just joining us, today I’m answering some non-advice letters that Ruvyn retrieved from the branches of the radio station’s tree. He is now safely back in the studio, trying to free his wrist from one vine that we couldn’t untangle him from. I had to cut the vine to free him, which our station engineer, Fielle, is not going to be happy about.
But what’s important is that Ruvyn’s safe, and that we have more questions to answer!
This question’s from Briar Rose, who writes:
“Dear Liisphyra,
What’s your favorite curse that’s been cast on you?”
Oh, what a question. First off, I don’t think I’ve had that many curses cast on me. Second off, I can’t say I’ve enjoyed any of them enough to have a favorite.
I guess the experience I disliked the least was the time I accidentally cursed myself. I was going through a magic-casting phase (which did not last long), and was trying to cast a levitation spell on myself so I could reach higher cabinets without having to climb on the counter.
Not sure what went wrong, but I ended up cursing myself, so that instead of being able to levitate as I pleased, I was just always floating a hand’s width off the ground. Which wasn’t the worst result that could’ve come from my amateur magic-casting, but it’s very discombobulating to suddenly be just a little taller than you’re used to. And I still wasn’t high enough to reach the cabinets!
So I got that curse broken, and that was the end of that magic-casting phase. Not sure if that really counts as a curse, but I feel like any spell that feels like a punishment counts as a curse, and I was not having a good time.
[rustling papers] Okay, this question—oh, two questions. These questions are from Kevin, who asks:
“Dear Liisphyra,
What is your favorite museum/exhibit that you’ve ever gone to?”
And,
“Who is your favorite singer and song?”
So funny you asked both of these questions, because I have a story that answers both of them.
There’s a dragonwax museum in Xerellia where these really talented arcartists use dragons’ earwax to create these lifelike figures of folks. They have historical figures like Bebenen the Brave-ish, and celebrities like Pag Grimmer.
When I visited with my moms and Lenral, I went to find the figure of Kellviar the Bard, because they’re my favorite singer. Favorite song by them is probably…okay, this is a deep cut, but I love “I Broke Your Curse And In Return You Broke My Heart.” They almost never play it at concerts, but I think it’s great.
So anyway, I went looking, and eventually I found the figure in the Mermaid Room. Which was strange, because Kellviar’s a wood elf, not a mermaid. It was placed sort of haphazardly in the middle of the room, and it was facing the figure of the mermaid adventurer Fozzren.
I was about to go find an employee to ask if maybe some troublemaker had moved the figure (there were rumors that Kellviar and Fozzren had dated, so I thought maybe someone thought they were being funny. I don’t know), when suddenly the figure moved!
I screamed, and then the figure screamed, and then I screamed again, and then the figure was like, “I can’t scream anymore, I need to protect my voice, my voice is my instrument.” And that’s when I realized that this was actually the real Kellviar the Bard!
I, of course, was super cool about the whole thing, and very calmly apologized for startling them, and told them how much I respected and admired them and their music, and asked for an autograph.
At least, that’s what I thought I did, but Lenral walked into the room as this was happening, and later told me that what I said was more like, [quickly and excitedly] “Namrys alive it’s you it’s really you oh my Namrys I am such a big fan you’re so super awesome and cool and your music is like ahhh wow I can’t believe this can you sign something can you do you have a pencil or something can you sign this please ahhhh?”
Kellviar’s a pro, though, so they just smiled and thanked me and signed my museum brochure. Lenral got a handshake and didn’t wash his hand for a week, which was super gross.
Afterwards, I found the actual Kellviar dragonwax figure, but after seeing the real deal, it just wasn’t as impressive. But I still recommend visiting the museum; it’s a fun time. And who knows who you might run into?
[rustling papers] This one is from Sheree, who asks:
“Dear Liisphyra,
If you had to be any other creature besides an elf, what would you choose to be?”
Ooo! I think I’ve said before that I’d like to be a jeebler, but lately I’ve been thinking it’d be really cool to have wings. So maybe I’d want to be a fairy, or a frizzybee.
I did go through a phase when I was younger where I thought if I focused really hard I’d be able to grow wings. Almost pulled a muscle in my back trying to grow them. I think a lot of non-wingéd kids go through that phase. Then, later in life, they try to cast a levitation spell on themselves and just end up getting cursed. Some folks just weren’t meant to fly, and that’s okay.
Where are you going now? Ruvyn got himself untangled from that vine, and now he’s…oh, our mail person just arrived. Are you gonna go apologize for whatever you did! Well, we’ll see.
[rustling papers] This question comes from Filip, who asks:
“Dear Liisphyra,
What’s your favorite decoration in your living room?”
Oh. I’m trying to picture my living room right now. Oh! When we were kids, my moms would have Lenral and I make handprints with paint on pieces of paper to track our growth over the years. They’re framed on the wall of the living room.
[laughing] The best part is that one time Lenral accidentally drank a growth potion that made his hands really big, and my moms thought it was so funny that they had him do his handprints that day. So on the wall it’s just a bunch of small to medium-sized handprints, and then one giant set of handprints right in the middle of it all. [laughs]
[rustling papers] Okay, next question is from Hoots, who asks,
“Dear Liisphyra,
What are your favorite desserts? I’m a dragon, so do you have any recipes that have big portions?”
Oo, favorite desserts. Well, my favorite pie is definitely chocolate with juyberry sauce, especially if it’s from Pellery’s Pie Shop. They make the best pies in the Towering Forest; maybe in all of Grevelon. I haven’t tried every pie in Grevelon, obviously, but I’m pretty confident about that statement. They’re good.
What other desserts do I like? Oh, I really like sweet freb pudding. I had it for the first time when I was in Sundar a little while ago. I think it’s made of freb milk and coconut and marshmallows, and it’s so fluffy it’ll bounce away if you’re not careful. They had to serve it in a bowl that had edges that curved in and a lid for when you weren’t eating, so the pudding wouldn’t bounce out and onto the floor.
Oh, I’m not sure if you could make dragon-sized sweet freb pudding, especially considering the damage it would do if it started bouncing away. I do know Pellery’s makes pies of all sizes, big and small, so that’s my dessert recommendation.
[rustling papers] Okay, this letter is from Illinora Sarridi, who asks:
“Dear Liisphyra,
What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from the Towering Forest? Do you travel much?”
I think the furthest I’ve traveled from the Towering Forest was recently when I was in Sundar. I’ve been there before, but it’s a big region, and I think on this recent trip I took with Raedra I went further than I had before.
We went to see some entertainment combat at the Sundar Coliseum, and we ate a ton of great food…oh, and we even visited the Sundar Radio Station. I was a little hesitant when they extended the invitation, since some of their hosts were kind of rude to us at the last Grevlonian Committee For Giving Out Awards ceremony.
But the Towering Forest Radio Station ended up winning that award, so I decided to be the bigger person and accept their invitation. Especially after Ruvyn let me take the award with me so I could be like, “Oops! What’s this?” and then pull it out of my bag and be like, “Oh, this old thing? I keep forgetting it’s in here.” And then wave it around a little. You know, just bigger person things.
So yeah, that was a fun trip. Honestly, I didn’t travel much for most of my life, mainly because I was perfectly happy where I was. And I read a lot, so I always felt like books could transport me wherever I wanted to go.
But after doing this show for a while, I’ve come to realize just how many interesting people and places are out there in Grevelon, and I got bitten by a travel bug. But a mage at my local apothecary whipped up an ointment for the bite, so now any urges I have to travel are completely my own and not magically influenced by an insect.
I’m never going to travel as much as my brother Lenral. He’s always moving from place to place, meeting new people and experiencing new things every day, and that just sounds exhausting to me. But I would like to get out there more and see things with my own eyes. Even if not all the experiences are great, I think it’ll make me appreciate being home even more.
[loud thud]
Namrys al—what was that? Hang on, Liisteners. [voice fades to a lower volume as it becomes more distant] Ruvyn hasn’t come back inside so I think he might be tangled in th…yup, he’s tangled in the vines again. Hang on, Ruvyn!
[voice grows in volume as Liisphyra returns]
Okay folks, I’ve gotta go untangle Ruvyn again. Thank you all so much for these questions, and as always, thank you so much for your love and support of “Dear Liisphyra.” Next up we have…[papers rustling] “A balloon being inflated at an almost painfully slow speed. When will it pop? Let’s find out!”
I’ll talk to you all again real soon. But in the meantime, keep your chin up, and keep asking questions. Bye!
Nicole: Thank you to everyone who submitted questions for this episode.
[chill guitar outro theme]
Nicole: Thank you for listening to Dear Liisphyra, which was created, written, and edited by Katie Siegel. Liisphyra and the sponsor were voiced by Katie Siegel. And I’m Nicole. Hi!
If you enjoy the show and want to help it grow, please take a minute and leave a kind review on the Apple Podcasts app. If you do, Katie will ask nothing more from you.
For more Dear Liisphyra, check out @DearLiisphyra on TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter. You can also join The Chattering Grove discord. The link to that is in the description. Or don’t, live your life. Bye!