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EFAFO 7: Moonbright Mysteries
Content Warnings:
===
Ego:
So, when we last ended off, you guys were just entering Xanovar's house. Some of you were snooping. Fujio and Dante both got nat 20s, Gash got a 12, and Elo got a 17.
Infini:
It's really fucked up how many nat 20s have been rolled today.
Neb:
I know!
Crusty:
Dude, I'm gonna tell you right now, I was rolling my dice just to see the likelihood of certain numbers... I get 20s pretty often.
Infini:
That's fucked up! [laughing] I get nat 1s so often!
Neb:
Yeah, I've also gotten nat 1s fairly often.
Tobias:
Stop stealing from my house!
Ego:
So there's a central walkway in the middle that branches off into two different sections of the house.
One side of the house, immediately as you enter, there is a little sitting room that branches off into a little greenhouse in the corner. Off on the other side, there's a grandiose dining room that has a set of double doors that open into it that are closed, but have glass so you're able to see into the dining room. And then just past the dining room, there's a little hallway between that and the kitchen, meant to be, you know, a place where servers can put down their trays and get up things and put things on trays. You know, it's just a little work area between that and the kitchen. And then in a doorway just past the sitting room, there is a general library/sitting office area that just overlooks things, and it's a nice little sitting room if you want to do some research.
And then in the main hall where you guys were walking through before, if you continue down it further, it opens up in the backyard with a medical herb garden. It's a really fancy looking garden, it's very pretty. Most of the things in the garden haven't been tended to in a while, so it's overgrown, and some of them are a little wilted, but you get the general point that at one point, it was a beautiful, well-tended-to garden.
There's also a staircase that goes up that leads into a different set of rooms. The door at the top of the stairs is closed and locked, and then if you continue on to the living room through the greenhouse, there is a little ladder that leads up to Xanovar's room.
Infini:
Cool. I'm following Elo and Crusty— [laughs] Crusty. And Dante to make sure they don't steal anything of major importance.
Crusty:
Hey. Don't you got something else better to do?
Infini:
No.
Rugi:
Yeah, why are you gonna snitch?
Infini:
I'm not snitching. But I am preventing petty theft from the man who is lending us his house.
Ego:
Yeah, there's also a wine cellar in the kitchen, I forgot to mention. That's kind of important.
Infini:
Oh. Well. Well...
Ego:
Yeah.
Infini:
Looks at Dante. Well.
Tobias:
Rich people house.
Ego:
Um... what rooms are you guys interested in searching?
Infini:
I want to see what the dad's room is like.
Ego:
Okay. The door is locked.
Infini:
Papa, if you will. Oh. Can I fucking kick it in? [laughs]
Ego:
[laughs] I mean, yeah. Make a strength check.
Infini:
Yes!
Ego:
Or athletics, I guess, it would be.
Infini:
These are Gash's ethics. She won't let you steal from her friend, but she will kick the door of her friend's missing dad down. I'm not going to add anything to it. That's a shit roll.
Rugi:
If Gash can't open it, I will go underneath.
Crusty:
What if— what if I rolled good?
[Infini laughs]
Ego:
You want to see if you can kick the door down with your little wizard twig legs?
Crusty:
Yes! [laughs]
Rugi:
Is there space underneath the door, or does the door go from ceiling to floor?
Ego:
It's like, uh—
[Crusty rolls dice and laughs]
Ego:
Where there would be a seal for underneath the door, it's been sealed off with one of those metal borders on the bottom.
Rugi:
Ew, boo, we hate that.
Infini:
They prepared for slime boys! This really is a rich person house. They prepare for everything.
Toby:
It is.
Rugi:
Can't believe this house is fucking slimeproof.
Ego:
All right, Dante, what'd you roll for your wizard twig legs?
Crusty:
Not a natural one, but a one nonetheless.
Tobias:
One!
Ego:
Okay, yeah, that makes sense. You see Gash do it, and she has difficulty, but somewhere in your brain, you're like, "I don't know. I think this is my moment." And you kick the door and you fall directly on your ass.
Rugi:
Elo's going to laugh. I saw it. Elo saw it!
Neb:
We were all watching.
Infini:
You can see the laughter in Gash's eyes.
Crusty:
I pull my hood over my head. [laughs]
Rugi:
It's Elo's turn. Elo's also going to try to kick down the door.
Ego:
Oh my god, please.
Crusty:
Maybe if we all keep trying, it'll work.
Xanovar:
What do you expect to be in my pop-pop's room?! I don't think there'd be anything.
Infini:
Maybe it's your pop-pop! Who knows?
Rugi:
Money. I expect there to be fucking money.
Crusty:
Maybe there's clues as to why he's gone.
Xanovar:
Don't take his money!
Infini:
He does have a lot of money. He can spare some for us.
Rugi:
Oh! Uh... [laughs] six.
Ego:
Yeah, that makes sense.
Crusty:
Can I try again?
Ego:
You try to kick, but because you're made out of slime, your foot just kind of, like...
Infini:
[imitating noise] Buomp.
Ego:
Like, it kind of squishes against the door, (Crusty: Oh, shit!) expands outward around the spot that you were supposed to be kicking.
Crusty:
It was a nat 20.
Infini:
WHAT?!
Crusty:
I launch myself headfirst.
Ego:
Okay, that complicates so much.
Infini:
God damn.
Ego:
Uh, okay. So Elo is looking at the locking mechanism for this door, trying to figure it out, trying to see if he can fit inside it. While you are dropping your head down to grab your thieves' tools out of your new funky little fanny pack, Dante, just right above your head [SFX: running footsteps], just fuckin' spin kicks the door. [SFX: door breaking]
[laughter]
Rugi:
Elo, amidst the chaos, is gonna slip in and start looking for shit.
Infini:
I will also look in.
Ego:
Yeah. Well, the door is open now. Dante fully kicked the doorknob off.
Infini:
Yep! I'm going in, and if I see Elo stealing money, I will not say anything.
Rugi:
Yeahhh! Thank you.
Ego:
Okay, so describing Arkmus' room, there's a two-story situation going on with it, where the part that you enter is his office area. And inside the little office area, there's a desk, and a couple bookshelves and just his general work stuff. There's probably some paperwork left on the table that he wasn't able to finish because he disappeared, obviously. There's a wall that separates the whole area and there's a door on the bottom half of it, and then on the top, there's a little railing loft thing. And then there's another doorway to a different room above that. And a staircase that leads up to it. Like, a little curling one you see in fancy offices.
Infini:
Wow. It's just like in Minecraft, dude.
Ego:
It's just like in Minecraft! Anyone who wants to look for clues or little trinkets can roll an investigation check for me.
[assorted agreement]
Infini:
15.
Rugi:
19.
Neb:
Nat 20.
Ego:
Fucking christ, Fujio!
Crusty:
It's a ten.
Tobias:
Seven.
Infini:
Wait a minute. Is that the lowest out of everyone here?
Ego:
Yeah.
Infini:
Wow.
Ego:
I think Xanovar has very rarely ever gone in his dad's room. It's kind of out of a respect thing, mostly because Arkmus didn't really like involving Xanovar in his business, so when Xanovar heads in here, it's kind of like he doesn't want to touch anything because he doesn't want his dad to get pissed at him for touching his shit. Meanwhile all of his friends are, like... [SFX: rummaging sounds] pawing through books and looking through paperwork and opening his bathroom and looking at his medicine cabinet and shit like that.
Tobias:
This is a preteen throwing a party in an early 2000s teen movie.
Rugi:
After Elo is done investigating, he's gonna sit on the toilet and pretend.
[laughter]
Ego:
[high pitched] Oh my god. Okay.
Neb:
Elo will pretend to dream and Elo will pretend to shit.
[laughter]
Rugi:
Elo's gonna be a real boy!
Ego:
Okay, so among the things that you find inside of Arkmus' room. Okay, who rolled under a 15?
Crusty:
Me.
Tobias:
Me.
Infini:
I got 15.
Ego:
Anyone who got 15 and under... mainly what you're attracted to is the stuff on his desk, that seems the most immediately important? You get general city paperwork, you get correspondence with some of the other members of the council, especially some of the other members of the council that are part of bestial races, because the elves have been there so much longer than them.
Infini:
Does it mention what kind of thing Arkmus is?
Ego:
In the house there have been pictures of Arkmus and Xanovar, and Arkmus is just a big fucking lion.
Infini:
Oh! [laughs] I feel we all pass by that and do a few double takes.
Ego:
Yeah, anyone who rolled over a 10 would notice. Even on his desk, there's a picture of him and Xanovar, with him ruffling Xanovar's hair when his ears are sticking out a little bit too much, and Xanovar is missing a tooth, and you know, it's cute shit.
Infini:
I pick up a picture of Xanovar's dad and hold it up next to Xanovar and I'm like, "hmm."
Crusty:
I'm also very confused.
Rugi:
Elo's gonna also inspect...
Neb:
I'm imagining all of us huddling around Gash, staring at the same photo...
Infini:
Like, "wait." [laughs] I turn the photo towards him, like, "explain this."
Ego:
Five sets of eyes turn directly to Xanovar, who's still standing awkwardly in the doorway.
Xanovar:
I don't understand. What's the big deal?
Infini:
Oh. Well? You can't argue with that.
Elo:
How does that work exactly?
Xanovar:
What are you talking about?
Dante:
You... half elf. Him... not half elf.
Elo:
Maybe he just hasn't hit his growth spurt!
Xanovar:
You guys know that adoption exists, right?
Elo:
What's that?
Xanovar:
It is when, um, a set of parents does not raise their child, and gives it to somebody else to raise them.
Rugi:
Elo's gonna think on that.
Fujio:
That makes sense. I was raised by a human.
Xanovar:
Really?
Fujio:
Yeah. We have something in common. Fun.
Elo:
Elo was also raised by humans! Well....
Rugi:
And he counts on his hand.
Elo:
Not all human. Mostly.
Xanovar:
I suppose that the three people have something in common, then. Never would have expected it, honestly.
Fujio:
I didn't really expect your father to be a giant lion man either, but... you know.
Xanovar:
I suppose we are a bit of an odd family, but it's a good one all the less.
Fujio:
Oh, he looks like he loves you a lot in these photos. It's very cute.
Xanovar:
[laughs] Thank you. It's why I've been very adamant on trying to find him.
Rugi:
Is there a small, wallet-sized picture of the two of them?
Ego:
Yeah, the one you're holding would be easy to fold up and put inside of a little one.
Rugi:
Okay. Elo's going to steal that picture in the room.
Crusty:
Can I make an arcana check?
Neb:
Oh my gosh.
Ego:
Yeah, for sure. While you make that arcana check, I'm going to describe what Fujio and Elo see.
Elo, I would like you to roll a sleight of hand check, and Gash, I would like you to roll a perception check.
Infini:
Okay. Please don't roll like shit. God. It's 25.
Rugi:
Oh shit. [long pause] 24.
Infini:
HA!
Ego:
Elo is so slick and so good at fuckin' touching this shit, it almost passes everyone by, even though you're all looking at the same fucking picture, Elo is just so fucking slick about it. But when Elo thinks that he's gonna get away with it, just before he puts in his little fanny pack, Gash reaches out and grabs his wrist and just starts shaking her head.
Rugi:
I would like to use my puppy eyes against Gash.
Infini:
Aw, shit.
Ego:
Okay. Roll a persuasion check.
Rugi:
Oh god, I'm bad at this. I rolled a 10.
Infini:
That's... mm... not enough. I'm impressed by the puppy dog eyes, but I'm also like, "fucking put it back." I don't want to draw everyone's attention to it, but I'm like, "no no no. Elo. You can't. You can't do that to a man."
Rugi:
Elo, with a real legitimate look of sorrow in his face, puts the picture back. For now.
Infini:
I pat his shoulder, because I'm pretty sure I know why he took it.
Ego:
While this is happening, I'm gonna say Fujio starts looking through the paperwork on Arkmus's desk, and you start to notice something about the work that he's been doing. Because you rolled a nat 20, I will say that you start to see some of the financial records that Arkmus had lying around, just for tax purposes and stuff, and on these little slips of financial proof, you can see payments that were made to Arkmus's account from sources that were not council-based.
Neb:
Under the table stuff.
Ego:
Yeah, under the table stuff.
Neb:
That's a little fishy.
Ego:
You do notice that some of the names on his council records do match up with some of the names that he got payments from, though.
Neb:
Oh, okay.
Infini:
Would he recognize any of the names in particular?
Ego:
Well... I should have named the council. Let me come up with some names. You see... Penelope, Killian, Honi, spelled H-O-N-I, Asteria, Delia, there's a Nathaniel in there, and those are the ones who match up. You know what? Fuck it. There's also a Mushu in there, that's fun.
Tobias:
Y'all rummaging through my precious belongings and shit.
Rugi:
Hey, they're not your belongings, they're your dad's. It's different.
Infini:
Stealing family photographs...
Xanovar:
I'm going to inherit them one day!
[laughter]
Rugi:
Not if we find him alive and well first!
Infini:
"Elo, my trust fund!" "Wait a minute, there's a name on here that looks familiar. Elo?!"
Fujio:
Xanovar, can you come take a look at this?
Xanovar:
What is it, Fujio?
Fujio:
Uh, I believe these are all financial records, and, um... some of these payments, you know, they're not that unusual because I recognize the names, but... they didn't seem like standard payments. Do you know about this?
Xanovar:
What are...? Uh, no... well, he— he's a busy man. I'd assume he'd be working with a lot of people, uh... What do you mean, strange circumstances?
Fujio:
I don't know, I can't say for certain. It just didn't... this seems not standard regular salary pay, and these some seem a bit too unusual to be something like loaning somebody a few bucks to pay for lunch or something.
Xanovar:
But... that doesn't make any sense. He's just...
Elo:
Maybe he was into gambling!
Xanovar:
What? No. He's an honest man.
Elo:
Honest men gamble all the time!
Xanovar:
He wouldn't stoop to something like that. He himself said it was a fool's game.
Fujio:
I don't think it's gambling but something does seem a bit suspicious.
Elo:
It's not a fool's game...
Crusty:
Is there anything I can roll to see if I've seen anything like this before?
Ego:
Roll a history check.
Crusty:
17 plus a five.
Infini:
That's 22.
Ego:
You recognize payments like this in the past. It's the under table work that you had performed in the past where it'd be, like, there would be a name, and then there would be no mention of what happened or where the money was going afterwards, like, the funneling that would happen if you were doing criminal activities with the money that was being sent through. And it seems the person who is receiving all of this money to do the criminal activities was Arkmus.
Crusty:
[hisses through teeth] Ooh. I'm gonna wince at that.
Ego:
It's very similar to financial records you would have kept in the past.
Crusty:
I'm looking very awkwardly at the rest of them. I'm holding the paper like, [muffled] "oh... oh god. Uh oh, he's not going to like this." I'm obviously thinking Xanovar is gonna... not like this shit at all. Would you say this is more embezzlement or he's just being told to do shit?
Ego:
He's being told to do shit. If it was embezzlement, then Arkmus would have moved the money on to another account afterwards, but it just stayed in his own account.
Crusty:
I turn to Xanovar and I show him specifically what exactly is off.
Dante:
This is like...
Xanovar:
What?
Dante:
...the kind of shit that I did working for the people that I used to back in the day.
Xanovar:
What are you talking about?
Dante:
I don't know if he still is, but... he was being paid to do stuff that [clears throat] he wasn't supposed to. I don't know what it is, but...
Fujio:
And we don't know the circumstances. For all we know, he could have been coerced or forced or had no other option.
Dante:
I'm not gonna make any assumptions, but...
Xanovar:
That doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't do something like that. He was an honest man who taught me how—
Dante:
Listen, listen, listen. I... understand. And as somebody who has done the same thing... not everybody is what they appear to be.
Xanovar:
This is absolute hogwash! He won't do something like this. I've known him since I was a wee boy. I... he wouldn't do something like this! I refuse to believe this—
Gash:
You haven't been in this study before today. Right?
Xanovar:
What do you mean? I... no, I've been a couple of times, but only while he's been in here. But... I— I refuse to take this slander about him! This is absolute nonsense!
Dante:
I mean, that's what it looks like.
Gash:
The numbers are there.
Elo:
It's not slander if it's true!
Xanovar:
This has to be faked or something!
Fujio:
We— we don't have enough information yet. We don't know the circumstances. This is just what we see before us.
Infini:
I tap the paper. I'm pointing at specifically the council member names, and I'm like, "corruption?"
Fujio:
Mm.
Elo:
Mm...
Gash:
He is rich.
Fujio:
You and your father said it yourself. Sometimes these organizations can be rather corrupt. Maybe he wasn't able to escape it either.
Xanovar:
Stop talking like this! This is absolutely absurd! I... I don't... I don't know what to do. I know he wouldn't do something like this. I've known him my entire life. You've only seen a couple of papers that must have been... something! This is... I refuse to believe this.
Elo:
What if they're forged? What if somebody put them here with...
Rugi:
Jazz hands.
Elo:
Implications?
Fujio:
This room has been locked. That would be very unusual.
Elo:
It wouldn't be hard to pick the door...
Ego:
Elo, if you want to make an investigation check on the door lock?
Rugi:
15.
Ego:
15, okay. It's a little bit fucked up from where Dante broke it, but picking up the pieces and reconstructing them the way that they were beforehand, and using a little bit of yourself to hold it in place while you take a look from all angles of it, you can tell that the door was locked from the inside. Actually, the fact that it was locked from the inside is the weird thing.
Crusty:
What about the window?
Ego:
If you want to make an investigation check on the window, you definitely can.
Elo:
Uh, this door was locked the last time from the inside, not the outside. Whoever locked this door last left in a way that wasn't from the door.
Rugi:
Also, I'm gonna go back to snooping for things while they're looking around.
Crusty:
I rolled a three plus five.
Ego:
The window was closed when you entered in here.
Crusty:
Are there any locks on it?
Ego:
There is a lock on it, it is unlocked.
Infini:
I turn to Fujio. I ask,
Gash:
Do you think the council is trustworthy? Do you think the Oracle is trustworthy?
Fujio:
In my experience, I've hardly ever seen a council that didn't have at least some underlying corruption. And... even among certain religious institutes I've been to, I've... come to realize sometimes things aren't exactly how they seem either. So... I can't say for certain if I do.
Gash:
Mm. If we ask the Oracle about this, do you think it would help?
Fujio:
It might, or we might end up getting a target over our heads for asking questions we shouldn't be.
Neb:
How's Xanovar? I want Fujio to look over at Xanovar. How's Xanovar holding up?
Tobias:
He looks like really his whole life is just coming undone. He's just learned the most important guy in his life might have been up to some shady shit, and he is trembling right now. He's not good.
Neb:
I'm gonna do a little small talk, put my hands on Xanovar's shoulders, just looking at him genuinely. And I say,
Fujio:
Xanovar, you said it yourself, you know this man better than any of us here. And it's obvious he loves you, regardless of the circumstances. We don't understand, we don't know... but we will get to the bottom of this. It'll be fine.
Xanovar:
Thank you, Fujio. I... I don't believe any of what's on the papers. I can't— I— my brain won't... allow me to believe it. I... I really... I can't believe it, I really can't. I... It means a lot to me, Fujio.
Rugi:
Not to be the worst person in the room, but while they're comforting him, I would like to keep snooping for things to take. Because this seems like a golden opportunity.
Infini:
I... [laughs]
Rugi:
Uh oh, Gash, you're gonna have to pick!
Crusty:
I feel like Gash would just be more focused on what's going on right now.
Infini:
I'll just make sure you don't fucking steal any more treasured family photographs. You know?
Ego:
Okay. Elo, roll investigation check for me to see if you can find cool shit.
Rugi:
Yesss. I love cool shit. 13.
Tobias:
The one thing you can't replace.
Ego:
Okay. There's a lot of cool shit in this room, just in terms of like, this guy had been around for a while, he has some cool shit in his room. You notice a little box on a table next to a little couch that's in the room. It's a little wrapped box, got a little bow on it, is clearly a gift for someone.
Rugi:
Does it say who it's addressed to?
Ego:
No. It's just a little box.
Rugi:
I'm gonna undo the ribbon and open it.
Ego:
On the inside, you find a little whistle. It's got one of those little indents on it... yeah, it's a little tin whistle.
Rugi:
Oh.
Elo:
Eh! It's boring!
Rugi:
Elo puts it back in.
Infini:
I take the box from him and I give it to Xanovar.
Gash:
This... probably for you. I don't know.
Xanovar:
What is this? A whistle?
Ego:
It's got a little cat paw on it. It's just a nice little whistle!
Rugi:
Is there anything else?
Ego:
As you look around the room, there's little bobbles and knickknacks. Some of them are gold because Arkmus was well-off. So if you want to just take cool shit, I'd say I'll roll to see how expensive it is all together.
Infini:
I'm not stopping you from this one. You can take it.
Rugi:
Elo's gonna start taking stuff, and then as he's stuffing the first couple items, he just looks back over at Xanovar and he just starts reluctantly putting stuff back.
Infini:
Aw.
Xanovar:
Please don't take my father's things. I haven't seen this whistle before, I... I really don't know what to say. I'm going to keep this.
Tobias:
He stuffs it in his bag on his hip and he just holds it close to him.
Rugi:
Elo's gonna go up the stairs.
Infini:
I'll follow him.
Rugi:
You said there were stairs, right?
Ego:
There's stairs that lead up to another room.
Elo:
Elo's gonna go... look up stairs. For anything important.
Infini:
I will follow.
Ego:
All right. So you go up to the little walkway that's up there [SFX: walking] that separates the two floors on the other half of this part of the house. And you open up this door. [SFX: door opens] This one's not locked. It opens up to a canopy bed, two side tables, a dresser, one of those full wardrobe type dressers... it's just a little sleeping area where he sleeps.
Rugi:
I would like to check the drawers in the nightstand, see if I can find anything. Maybe a letter or something, anything important.
Ego:
Oh, fuck, the arcana check! Aw, shit. Let's do Dante's arcana check real fast.
Rugi:
I'll roll really quick and then I'll just tell you after.
Ego:
Yeah, okay. I will say, Dante, when you look at the tin whistle that Xanovar got, you can tell that it's magical. It's a magical object. You get the impression that this has been enchanted to do magic, so there's probably a spell on it.
Crusty:
Okay. I'll be sure to let the boy know. Is there anything else in the room that's magical? I was also looking to steal shit. Now that they're gone. [laughs]
Ego:
[laughs] Oh, god!
Crusty:
It's a bit easier for me to do that.
Ego:
I would say it might actually be harder, because it's just Fujio and Xanovar in there, and both of them are gonna be like, "fuckin' don't, dude."
Infini:
At least I would have let you take money.
Crusty:
I'm gonna explain, I'm gonna explain. I do wanna know if there's anything inherently magical in the room.
Ego:
You do notice something particularly interesting on the table that you do recognize from past experiences. There is a bottle of fashrez on the table. Which isn't inherently magical, actually, I would say it is anti-magic, because when a creature drinks it, they lose their magic for a period of time.
Neb:
Wait. What if you don't have magic and it gets on you? Does nothing happen, or is this double negative?
Ego:
It's just water that tastes a little weird.
Infini:
Oh. But in a good way? Or in, like, a bathwater way?
Ego:
I mean, kind of. It's an acquired taste.
Neb:
Like a club soda, a tonic water.
Ego:
Yeah, kind of like that.
Tobias:
It tastes like Bri'ish lemonade.
Infini:
[laughing] Bri'ish water!
Neb:
Tastes like Bri'ish.
Infini:
It's just tap water!
Ego:
That's about it, I think.
Crusty:
Awesome, cool. I'm gonna go ahead and go up to where the others are.
Ego:
Great. So Rugi wanted to look in those drawers. What did you get for the roll?
Rugi:
14.
Ego:
So in the drawers there's just some basic bedside table stuff. Little stuff and junk. He's reading a book. What is the book called? I don't know. It's a book.
Crusty:
The Very Hungry Caterpillar. TWO!
Rugi:
It's the King James edition of The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
Ego:
So I'll say there's about three books. There's one that's the American classic for this universe. And then there is one on recent religions.
Rugi:
Elo's gonna absolutely take that book.
Infini:
I just want to see if it's the same cult that we saw earlier that that snake guy was part of.
Ego:
Yeah, the Annexed Divinity is in it. It's on the index of the book (Infini: Aw, shit.) where you look through all of the religions and stuff. And there's some ones that you recognize. Fujio's religion is mentioned.
Infini:
Okay... Hm. I kinda point to the Annexed Divinity one and I'm like,
Gash:
Cult.
Infini:
I go to Fujio and I'm like,
Gash:
Is council in charge of religion?
Neb:
Is this something I would know?
Ego:
Xanovar would know. This city has an open religion policy that was enacted a couple hundred years ago when other races started joining the city. Originally, it was only worshiping the Oracle.
Infini:
Yeah. I'm specifically asking if the council has any say in or control of the religions. I mean, I guess if the Oracle is a religion on its own, then it would make sense that they have connections... but do they sponsor any churches, is what I'm getting at? I really can't communicate any of it, though.
Rugi:
Probably not anymore.
Ego:
Yeah, as a policy they're not allowed to have favoritism to one religion or another, not even the Oracle. Which is part of the reason why recently the Oracle was phased out as a political figure.
Infini:
If they're doing it under the table, then it doesn't really matter. But yeah, okay. You can have the book, Elo.
Rugi:
So is it just the books? There's nothing else?
Ego:
You get the impression that the amount of money that Arkmus has goes to things other than home decor. A lot of the stuff that he has is, like, cool things that he found on his journeys. With all the stuff around, you also get the impression that he didn't always have this amount of money, so the fact that he has it, he doesn't really do anything gaudy with it. You know?
Rugi:
Mmhm. Okay.
Infini:
I'm gonna head back downstairs.
Tobias:
Besides being in this big house.
Ego:
Yeah. It's just something that he got because he got elected into it. It's not like he bought this house for himself, it's just a perk of a job.
Tobias:
Yeah.
Rugi:
Are there any more pictures in this room?
[Infini sighs]
Ego:
Yep. There's another one. This one is different, it's one of Xanovar when he's a little bit older, so maybe early teens, and Xanovar is just trying to figure out his fashion sense, so it's a little awkward. But Arkmus is playfully licking his hair forward to mess it up.
[group awws]
Tobias:
Goth phase!
Rugi:
Uh... I'm gonna wait until everybody leaves.
Infini:
I'm...
Ego:
You've already gone downstairs.
Infini:
I've already fucking left. Fine. [laughs] I'm going to check if Xanovar is still alive.
Rugi:
As soon as they're out of view, Elo's just gonna quickly cast Mage Hand [SFX: spell cast] to just grab the portrait and put it in his fanny pack. As he's heading out the door.
Infini:
I feel a twinge in the universe and I don't do shit.
Ego:
All right. So you guys all assemble back down on the main part of this floor.
Rugi:
Elo's gonna hand Xanovar the book that he found.
Elo:
I found it upstairs! It has a lot of the same stuff as that flyer from Marblescleft.
Infini:
I sign "cult" again.
Xanovar:
This has to be a joke! This can't be real, can it?
Elo:
Well, it doesn't...
Gash:
Why not?
Elo:
...mean your dad liked them.
Gash:
Again, always could be coercion. But don't rule out the possibility.
Elo:
What are churches like here?
Xanovar:
There are a lot of them in the city, and all of them are very small, and... all of them are for different religions and deities. But for this particular religion, I don't believe we have a church for it. I can't really explain this. I don't know.
Gash:
They are new.
Crusty:
So the Annexed Divinity, um... still really fucking weird to me? I'm suspicious of the fact that Fujio's god is being consumed literally. We know that the Annexed Divinity is taking over religions.
Infini:
That's pretty— too perfect timing, to be honest. If it's happening because of people's beliefs shifting, that makes sense.
Crusty:
Or people are noticing that their god is not there anymore.
Rugi:
Weakening.
Neb:
Yeah.
Rugi:
That would make sense.
Infini:
I mean, they're literally saying the old gods are dead, so. That's their entire praxis, so it would make total sense.
Ego:
Okay. So I'm gonna say you guys exit the office because there's not a whole lot left to see in it, and you guys just have a little nice evening. Evening at Xanovar's house.
Infini:
I'm gonna keep watch, actually. Just in case. (Ego: Okay.) And anyone wants to stay up, then... they'll have to hang out with the cow.
Ego:
Gash stays up for most of the night, making sure that nothing is going to happen at the house now that they're sleeping in it. All the doors are locked, you guys remember to lock the window in Arkmus's room. You feel pretty secure in the fact that this district is also closed by a whole-ass gate and it has an extra wall around it and it has guards on it.
Infini:
It is very fortified. I'm also just gonna look at the photos of Xanovar and his dad.
Group:
Aww.
Infini:
I'm not gonna take 'em! But I'm gonna... can I roll an insight check on a picture?
Ego:
Yeah. D'you want to roll an insight check on a big portrait you see of Arkmus in the living room?
Infini:
Yes. 20.
Ego:
Okay, so you got a 20, not nat, on the Arkmus portrait. You get similar things that have been said about Arkmus before, and like... this guy doesn't look rich, in a way. Like, he's just living a rich person's lifestyle without really having the experience behind it to really back it up. But you do get the sense that he's very strong and has been through some shit to get where he is.
Infini:
I can relate to that.
Ego:
Yeah, you feel a kind of kindredness to this portrait of this... in this picture, he's smiling a little bit in that way where it's like, "I have to hold this smile for a while, but I want the one impression of me in this painting to be of somebody who is happy."
Infini:
Aww.
Group:
Aww.
Infini:
I can't relate to that, but I respect it.
Ego:
You get the impression that this guy didn't like to let on that he'd seen some shit.
Infini:
Yeah... I look at the tower where the Oracle is through the window, and that's where I go to sleep, in an armchair. [laughs] I sleep in a dad pose.
Crusty:
[laughs] That's more my style than yours. Dante will be reading a book and he's like, [snores].
Ego:
There's a couple of armchairs to fall asleep in.
Infini:
Finally, a chair for me! My size!
Rugi:
Elo's just gonna sleep on the floor.
Tobias:
Xan retired early to his bed to just... no one. God knows.
Ego:
It's a comfort to be able to sleep in your own bed again, but it's a little sad because you know that your dad's not on the other side of the house also sleeping.
Tobias:
He's sad. He's cryin'.
[group awws]
Ego:
Oh... baby boy. So you guys get a full night's rest without needing to take any watches, cause you're in a house and it's fortified and it's fine. Who's sleeping in the living room?
Infini:
I'll sleep in the living room.
Rugi:
I will too.
Ego:
Okay, so Elo and Gash are both woken up pretty early in the morning, I'd say eight o'clock-ish, by a knock at the door. [SFX: knocking]
Infini:
Uh, I'll get it. [laughs]
Ego:
[laughs] Okay??
Infini:
Actually, I'm gonna wake Elo before I get it, because I'm not... I can't explain things to people.
Ego:
Yeah. So you wake up Elo and you...
Elo:
H—hello?
[group repeating hello]
Infini:
I just point at the door.
Rugi:
Elo's just going to get the door, I guess.
Infini:
Yeah. I'll— I'll— [laughs] You open the door to the president's office and you see these two chuckleheads.
[laughter]
Ego:
The person standing at the door is just a little kobold who's got a piece of paper in his hand. He's significantly shorter than both of you because kobolds are tiny. He's wearing a little suit. He's a little dragon person. He's got a little suit on, and he's holding a little letter, and he's got this little... he's got this little fake mustache on.
Rugi:
I point at it and I ask if I can try it on really quick.
Ego:
The kobold, when you slowly reach your hand out on impulse, the kobold just kinda slaps [SFX: slap] your hand away from its face with the kind of precision that a cartoon butler has. And the kobold lifts up the piece of paper and you can tell it is a sealed letter.
Infini and Rugi:
I guess I'll take the letter.
Tobias:
Oh, shit.
Infini:
[laughing] I'm taking it before you.
Tobias:
What is happening here??
Rugi:
What the fuck?! You're not even at the door!
Infini:
I am at the door! I said I was at the door. I'm with you.
Rugi:
Oh.
Ego:
Gash is standing behind you ominously.
Rugi:
Then why the hell'd you wake me up?!
Infini:
Fine, you can take the letter... you can take the letter, but I'm watching.
Rugi:
[put-upon] Okayy.
Crusty:
Elo's just having a hard time with gigantic people just suddenly being behind him or suddenly (Infini: I know.) away from him.
Rugi:
Elo's gonna ask for the mustache again.
Ego:
Again, the kobold, because you have the letter, just turns around and walks out of the yard.
Rugi:
[disappointed sounds]
[Infini laughs]
Rugi:
Elo turns his juicy ass away from him and walks back in.
Infini:
I sign,
Gash:
You can... you can make your own mustache.
Rugi:
[gasps] Elo morphs a mustache onto his face.
Tobias:
Oh, that's so cute!
Rugi:
Out of slime.
Infini:
I nod approvingly. I'm gonna look at this letter and I'm gonna... I assume it's for Xanovar. Who is it for?
Ego:
Yeah, on the back of the letter in a beautiful script, it says Xanovar.
Infini:
Oh, specifically Xanovar. Oh, shit.
Rugi:
Okay. I'm gonna dash up to Xanovar's room and just start blasting through the doors. [SFX: running]
Ego:
Yeah, these doors aren't as sealed as Arkmus' doors, so Elo just slimes through the corners and re-coagulates on top, and then does the same thing on the other part until you get to Xanovar's room.
Rugi:
[panting noises]
[laughter, Infini imitates]
Elo:
Mail call!
Rugi:
Slap. [SFX: slap sound]
Tobias:
[laughs] Just right in his face while he's asleep.
Rugi:
I'm gonna draw the curtains to his room to let the sunlight in. [SFX: curtains opening, birds chirping]
Crusty:
You're just being as annoying as humanly possible.
Rugi:
He's not human~!
Infini:
He still has tear marks on his face. He hasn't gotten his beauty sleep, so he's like...
Elo:
YOU GOT A LETTER! And I want to know what's in it, so open it and read it!
Infini:
[singing] We just got a letter...
Xanovar:
Couldn't I at least bathe first?
Tobias:
Xan rubs his eyes.
Elo:
It looks really important.
Tobias:
Where are the other people?
Crusty:
I am an asshole and I'm sleeping in his dad's bed. [laughs]
[laughter]
Neb:
I was also in just the general living space.
Ego:
You hear all of this commotion, eventually you follow Gash up the ladder.
Infini:
I imagine just Xanovar going up to his dad's bed and Dante's just like, "Go away. Occupied. Ocupado."
[laughter]
Ego:
Yea. He's got one of those mattresses that's made so that old people bones feel good on it.
Crusty:
My god... the best rest he's ever got into his life.
Ego:
So Xan now has this letter.
Tobias:
He takes the letter and realizes it's for him, is like, "What the hell? I'm reading this literally right now. I don't care."
Elo:
See? I told you, you should read it right now.
Xanovar:
"Dear Xanovar,
My apologies for the briskness of this letter, but I imagined receiving information would be better sooner than later. I had a discussion with my employer, Councilwoman Asteria Il'thannon, about your compatriots' request to see the Oracle. While it was met with an (understandable) amount of balking on her part, she did say that she would bring it up with the Oracle's lord of delegation. We should be getting word back tomorrow.
Which brings up the second point to my letter. Unfortunately, I'm occupied with duties in the Augropolis today and cannot drop by to request this personally, but I was wondering if perhaps you and your group would like to attend lunch at my employer's house. I am currently staying with her while under her apprentice, and I'm permitted guests. A lunch just seemed to be a more polite and fulfilling way to receive an answer for your request. After all, even if it is declined, at least there will be food to balm the disappointment.
I look forward to hearing back from you.
Yravoi
PS. About your slime friend's request on entrance to the university; it is an open campus, but the archeology department should be in the west building. I'm a bit rusty on that side, as political science is on the other side of the campus."
Crusty:
Ooh.
Rugi:
Elo just, schwing! Like, "huoh!"
Infini:
His mustache turns into a villain handlebar mustache.
Rugi:
Yeah! Elo just [noise of interest].
Tobias:
"Elo go to university!"
Ego:
"Elo go to university! Elo get a degree!"
Infini:
"Elo commit tax fraud!"
Crusty:
Puppy dog city, puppy dog town.
Infini:
We might have to wait until tomorrow, so that fucking sucks, but if I get that correspondence at lunch I'll take it.
Xanovar:
I'm just desperate to learn anything at this point, if I have to be very honest with you.
Gash:
Yeah. Let's go. I guess. Mm. Unless... Elo... you want... you wanna get education? Go to college?
Elo:
What? No!
Gash:
No?
Elo:
I want to sell this bone!
Gash:
That's what I— that's what I meant. Elo, do you want to commit crimes?
Elo:
Yeah... yeah.
Gash:
Okay. If... When is lunch?
Ego:
The lunch would be tomorrow.
Infini:
Alright, then yeah. Let's go fucking commit crime today, then.
Rugi:
Yaaay!
Gash:
Come on, Elo. Let's go.
Elo:
Okay!
Tobias:
Xan doesn't even... he wants to play his flute right now.
Infini:
Before I leave with Elo, I stick my head and hands through the doorframe and I'm like,
Gash:
Xanovar.
Xanovar:
What is it?
Gash:
Don't die.
Xanovar:
...I'm in my bedroom. I don't think I'd die right here.
Gash:
You never know. See you.
Elo:
Anything could happen!
Gash:
Don't talk to strangers. Keep the windows locked.
Xanovar:
[sighs] Devilishly strange pair. I like them, though. But I'm not used to their type, I have to say.
Infini:
Aw. [giggles] So cute. So cute.
Ego:
Everyone gets ready in the morning. Dante eventually comes down the stairs and, like, cracks the bones in his shoulders [SFX: bone cracks] above his head and he's like, "[pleased] Ooh! Oof! Ooh!"
Infini:
It's the first time we've seen Dante without slouching!
Crusty:
[laughs] Yeah. The straightness of his back is actually kind of jarring. [Infini laughs] "Oh. You're tall. I remember that."
Infini:
"You grew a foot."
Crusty:
Do you think there's food already in the fuckin', like... still there, or is it all bad?
Infini:
Oh, I forgot to get food. Oh well.
Ego:
It's... probably all bad at this point. It's been a year since Xanovar has been home.
Crusty:
Oh, shit. Damn. Stanky.
Ego:
There's stuff that never goes bad that's still good. Like, there's a jar of peanut butter, there's some saltines that are still fine.
Infini:
Goldfish crackers.
Rugi:
I could get fucked up on some saltines and peanut butter.
Infini:
Yeah.
Crusty:
That's the old man breakfast.
Rugi:
That's my breakfast sometimes!
Crusty:
Well, he's got a very testy stomach in the morning, so saltines... [Infini laughs] He's walking around the kitchen like he owns the goddamn place.
Ego:
There's some tea and some coffee that's still good, and you can brew a pot of it and it'd be tasty for the morning. So you guys have a nice little breakfast.
Crusty:
Yeah.
Ego:
Yeah.
Tobias:
Yeah.
Ego:
Yeah!
Tobias:
Shitty little saltine crackers and peanut butter!
Crusty:
Gay people time.
Infini:
[laughing] Gay people brunch!
Neb:
Gay people.
Ego:
Alright. So what are you guys gonna do for the day?
Rugi:
Elo's going to university!
Infini:
Can I have a conversation with him while we walk?
Ego:
Yeah, for sure.
Rugi:
[panicked gasp]
Ego:
So you guys are headed to the university first? Does everybody agree to that plan?
Infini:
I mean, we didn't talk about it to anybody else. I just know Elo really wants to commit crime.
Ego:
You guys are trying to discuss what you are going to do for the day at the dinner table, now that you know that the Oracle thing isn't going to be a definite thing until tomorrow.
Gash:
Elo wants to go to college.
Elo:
Yeah! I would like to go.
Dante:
I would rather just chillax. Maybe I'll go back and hang out at the marketplace, see what else they got.
Gash:
I don't particularly want to commit crime at college, but it's better than him going alone. So I'll go with him.
Elo:
What? I don't need supervision!
Gash:
Mm.
Elo:
I can do it on my own!
Gash:
Well...
Dante:
I sincerely doubt that.
Gash:
We did meet in jail. Because... I assume... you committed crime.
Elo:
I didn't do anything wrong!
Gash:
Well, if they wrongfully imprison you, you'll need someone to break you out.
Elo:
Mmm... true.
Ego:
I do want to mention... you guys do have a job that you're supposed to be doing.
Neb:
I was wondering, like, yeah.
Rugi:
Why don't we go do our Halice business first...
Infini:
Job first, crimes later.
Rugi:
And then we can go to college. And we can make it a fun little field trip!
Crusty:
The Bitter Steep. We gotta find it.
Infini:
Side note, as we're eating shitty breakfast, she's, like... really... going to town on the peanut butter.
[laughter]
Crusty:
Is she going, like, [imitates slurping]
Infini:
Yes. [giggles]
Crusty:
I am mesmerized. [laughs] Here. Have some more.
Infini:
I have some on my nose... I'm in bliss.
Ego:
Good shit!
Neb:
So cute.
Ego:
So you guys head out for the day. You go past the guard, they're a different set of guards because it's the morning shift. They see you guys pass by, and they're used to knowing who is in this district at any point in time, so they give you a look, but they also assume that other people knew what they were doing when they let you in here, so they don't question it very much. You... go to the district. Xanovar, do you want to roll a history check for me?
Tobias:
19 plus one.
Ego:
So not nat, but it's a 20. This fuckin' place has a reputation. It is known for its shitty tea and terrible customer service. (Rugi: My kinda place!) Your dad specifically told you not to go there when you've noticed it on the street, but you made note of it because you were like, "But what if I want go there someday? What if I want shitty tea, dad?" Like, it was definitely a teenage rebellious moment, where you're like, "what if I want shitty tea?" and then he gave you shitty tea, and you were like, "I don't like shitty tea!"
You know exactly where it is. It is on the north side of town in the old district. Kind of in an innocuous area, but you know where it is. So... you guys head off to the Bitter Steep! And Xanovar seems very certain that he knows where he's going. So you follow behind Xanovar. It's a pretty quick walk from where you are, and you don't have to go too far down the hill, so your legs don't hurt. The outside facade is nestled between two larger buildings, with an alley to one side of it. It's a two-story building, so one of the shorter ones in town, and it's very narrow in design. And it has no windows aside from the two built on the front for display, but those windows have actually been covered with curtains, so you can't see into the building. When you get there and you try to open the door, it is locked and there is a sign on the front that has been flipped to say closed. The windows are really dingy so it's hard to see inside, but the inside doesn't look any less dingy.
Infini:
I check the door. Is it locked?
Ego:
Yes.
Infini:
Well.
Rugi:
I can open it!
Infini:
Okay. I was going to go down a much more violent route, but go ahead.
Ego:
Yeah.
Rugi:
Elo's gonna knock on the door first. [SFX: shave and a haircut knock]
Ego:
Okay. After a few moments, there's no response.
Rugi:
Elo's gonna pick the lock.
Ego:
Hell yeah. Make a check for me.
Rugi:
14.
Ego:
That does it! It's not a very difficult lock. [SFX: lockpicking noises] You undo it and the door pushes open.
Rugi:
Easy peasy!
Ego:
Yeah. So the storefront is cramped, and it's humid... with low, uncomfortable tables, and enough hanging decorations to make the low ceiling feel even more claustrophobic. Gash has to crouch a significant amount to get through everything. [Infini makes straining sound] And occasionally a ceiling decoration baps her in the face.
[someone plays BONK sound effect]
As you continue on through the many clusters of tiny little tables that are everywhere, you get to the counter way at the back of the store. The menu reads: "Tea, two copper. More tea, three copper. Tea with good water, four copper." [Crusty laughs] And the counter is unmanned, but there's a little service bell on the counter.
Crusty:
I slap the fuck out of that shit.
Rugi:
Yeah, I was gonna say Elo wants to press it.
Ego:
Like an impatient old man at a hotel who doesn't know how to be nice to service workers—
Crusty:
It's like, [punctuated] DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING.
Ego:
Yeah. From upstairs, you can hear somebody scramble from where they were upstairs [SFX: gradually increasing footsteps] and then go around to the back, and back around to the front. There's a door that leads to the back from behind the service desk, and this little Tortle woman walks in. [SFX: door opens] She's a short yellow Tortle woman with round copper-wire glasses, a little blue beanie, a pale pink cardigan, and she looks very stressed out, grumpy, and you just fucking disturbed a nap. Her glasses are skewed, her beanie's not on properly, and she's like,
Marsha:
How can I help you? How did you get in here?
Elo:
Oh, your door was unlocked.
Marsha:
Oh. I... I'm usually smarter than that. Uh...
Ego:
Make a deception check really fast.
Rugi:
Oh god! Oh no. Y'all better back me the fuck up!
Crusty:
Is there a way to assist Elo?
Ego:
Yeah, if you guys say that it's true, then he can make it with an advantage.
Rugi:
The first one's a nat 20, so...
Infini:
WOAH!
Ego:
Yeah, she believes you. She's like,
Marsha:
I've been so tired lately, yeah, I guess that makes sense. Do you guys want tea...? Is that... you're here for tea?
Elo:
We're here...
Rugi:
And then he gets in really close.
Elo:
[whispers] ...on business. From Halice.
Marsha:
Ohhh... you're the people Halice was sending. He did say there's a lot of you, and a lot of... weirdos. Great.
Ego:
And she just kind of... (Elo: Huh?!) with her eyes closed, gesticulates towards the door that she just came out of. It's like,
Marsha:
Come around the counter. I'll, um... I'll get you caught up on everything.
Elo:
What does it mean to be a weirdo?
Gash:
Breaking into people's buildings.
Ego:
Yeah, so she leads you around the back. The back room is loaded top to bottom with boxes and crates. There's a backlog of things that are supposed to be shipped out that just haven't been, as well as a shitty little kitchen for the actual restaurant that just, like... just doesn't seem like it gets used a whole lot. There's also a staircase that leads up to an upper floor, which she starts climbing. [SFX: footsteps] Oh, and there's a bunch of sliding doors in the very back that lead out to a loading dock you can see through paper blinds. She leads you upstairs and there's a bunch of rooms connected by doors that are sectioned off, because the doors make walls when they close. So she leads you into one of those rooms, which seems like a meeting room cause it's got a table in the middle, and she sits on one side of it.
Crusty:
Okay. I guess we all sit down. Across.
Infini:
Is it still small?
Ego:
No, the upstairs is significantly more roomy than the bottom half.
Infini:
Aw, thank fuck.
Ego:
And even the stock room was way, way larger than the front of the store. You get the impression that it was created with the intent of making people not want to stay there very long.
Infini:
I see. I'd leave. I want to leave right now!
Ego:
It gives you the same impression of one of those ice cream stores that's run by the mafia.
Group:
Yeah. [laughter]
Ego:
You know, you can't order anything, and there's no furniture, and like... you know. She sits down at the table, and this part is way, way more nice than the front of the store. Like, it seems like a nice place to sit down and do some actual paperwork and stuff. But she sits down at the table and she waits patiently for everybody to sit down. I'm assuming you guys all do. She rubs her little, the bridge of her little beak. She has an exasperated sigh and she's like,
Marsha:
I'm so glad you guys finally got here. You have no idea how stressed out I've been about this whole situation, and [stutters] I could really honestly use some help. I don't want to get anyone else involved because I don't want to lose any more agents... but they've all been there in their houses, and I have all this stuff that I need to get moved, and I can't move it until I figure out what's happening to all my people, and I just— God!
Dante:
It's a whole lot of shit.
Fujio:
Sounds like you're dealing with a lot.
Marsha:
Yeah. Yep. Yep! It turns out when you manage a whole branch, when your boss tells you to manage a whole branch, you have to manage a whole branch all by yourself.
Elo:
Well, yeah, that's what he said to do.
Marsha:
Yeah. It is what he said to do, huh? ...God.
Elo:
Sure seems like it, that's what he told you!
Marsha:
Yep.
Dante:
Seems like a pain in the ass.
Marsha:
Oh, yeah. Yeah, when he said that message telling me that you guys were gonna go there, I could tell he was drunk.
Elo:
He seems like he's always drunk!
Marsha:
Yeah.
Gash:
Mm. What do you need?
Marsha:
Okay, so, uh... here's a couple things. So I have two of my agents that are missing right now. Nessie, who is our broker. She was very, very good at her job. It was like a side gig for her, she really just liked working with money. She's a halfling. She's got auburn hair, usually done in braids. She's a very peppy person, which makes it... interesting to work with her. And then there's Sergio, who is our scout. He's a young kid, just got into the business, a little Tabaxi guy. He's got black fur, he's got a little white diamond on his forehead. He's really good at sneaking around and getting places, which is part of the reason why he's missing, I think.
Basically what happened is, we went to go make a deal with some smugglers. Scavengers, essentially? They're the people who get the artifacts, we buy the artifacts from them and then we sell them to chumps who want the artifacts. And these guys specialize in going deep underwater and getting stuff from, you know, places that don't technically exist anymore. Specifically, the Bestocratic Isles, which are just... that way.
Ego:
And she points towards the ocean.
Marsha:
They go in there and they get artifacts for us, and we buy them at a loss and then sell them at a profit. And these dudes don't purely work with us, and I have a suspicion that they showed these items to other people before they showed us. [sighs] Nessie was taking a look at them a little while ago, and... one moment she was looking at the items, and the next moment she was just gone. Like, she was out of the room, left the room for a minute, came back... Gone. Poof. Left her shit here, she's no longer here. And Sergio was working for me that night just moving some boxes and stuff, and I— I asked him if he saw where Nessie went, and he said that he would go check out her apartment for me. So he grabbed his shit and he left, and he never came back. And so that all happened in one evening. I told everyone to take the day off the moment Sergio didn't get back to me on anything. So I've been here for a week and a half trying to figure this shit out on my own. I don't fucking want to lose anyone else, and it's just... I've looked at these artifacts so many fucking times and I can't figure out what happened.
Xanovar:
That is quite odd indeed, I have to admit.
Elo:
Maybe they're cursed!
Marsha:
Yeah, that was my thought.
Ego:
She gets up and goes to grab them, but beforehand she puts on these leather gloves. She's got a little office that's connected to the meeting room and she opens it up, [SFX: door opens] the office is a fucking mess, by the way. And she goes in, she grabs the artifacts from where they've been sitting on her desk, and she kicks the door closed with her foot. [SFX: door closes] And she puts them down on the table where everyone can see them.
There's two of them... so there's a dagger. It's got a bear design on the cross brace, and a little mechanism for a pommel. And then there's a decanter, which is a little bottle filled with liquid, and this thing looks fucking weird. It's got a little metal basket called a fiasco, which I learned when I was trying to figure out how to describe this thing, which surrounds the glass bulb portion of the decanter. It's intricate, and has moving pieces, [SFX: clockwork noises] and the bottle is stoppered with a similar metal. And it's decorative, but it looks secure with a ring that connects it to the fiasco. The actual fiasco itself is made up of sliding rings, and little gemstones, and at the center of the decanter, which is the weirdest part, is this tiny little beating heart [SFX: heartbeat] that's surrounded by blush-pink liquid.
Infini:
I tap Elo's shoulder.
Elo:
What?
Gash:
Identify.
Elo:
Oh. Okay! I could do that.
Rugi:
I'm gonna cast Identify on it.
Infini:
Baby Elo.
Tobias:
So it's a bleeding heart?
Ego:
Yeah. It's a heart that's steadily beating like, [punctuated] bump, bump, bump. It looks like it should be the same gray-red that most hearts are, but the pink liquid seems to have dyed it so it's like a darker version of that color.
Infini:
I think about the monsters that we encountered in the cave.
Rugi:
Mm...
Ego:
So little Elo comes out of big Elo's hand [SFX: spell woosh, pop] and toddles on over to the items and puts his little hands on them.
Infini:
Hehehehehe. Wait, it doesn't hurt Elo if Identify touches something... cursed?
Ego:
No, it's just a spell.
Rugi:
It's just magic.
Infini:
Okay. Cause it's also just part of him.
Ego:
So the first thing the little Elo touches is the dagger. And Lil' Elo is like,
Identify Elo:
Alright! The Identify Elo says that this is the Displacement Dagger! Specifically it's just called Displacement, you don't have to add "dagger" to the end, but sometimes it helps. This dagger has a little button that, while the dagger is stabbed into someone, allows the stab-ee to transform into a displacer beast. The form changes depending on the design of the dagger.
Ego:
And you all look at the little bear that's carved into the cross brace of the dagger.
Rugi:
Hmm.
Identify Elo:
The stab-ee remains in this form until the dagger is removed, or until the stab-ee is killed. Once out, the stab-ee takes two points of exhaustion and immediately passes out.
Group:
Hmm.
Rugi:
That seems really useful, actually.
Infini:
[laughs] "Can we have this?" I'm not asking that.
Ego:
Then Lil' Elo walks over to the little decanter.
Identify Elo:
This is the Bittersweet Decanter. This decanter can hold creatures in a pocket dimension, feeding on their memories. At the heart of this decanter lies an entity that feeds on memories. Getting out requires getting stolen memories back. Drinking out of the decanter grants one temporary random skill point boost.
Elo:
My guess is that they're in the decanter.
Gash:
There they are.
Elo:
Found 'em!
Gash:
Yes. Well... [sighs] they're in there. Are we supposed to go in there?
Identify Elo:
Uhhhh...
Elo:
I'm not going in there!
Identify Elo:
[stutters] Uhhh... I, um... I just— I... I don't know, I don't know if that's part of your job description or not! I think I have to call my boss...
Elo:
Our boss, actually.
Gash:
Yes, let's talk to Halice. I'm not doing it, though. Fujio, you talk to him.
Elo:
Elo will do it! Elo likes Halice.
Ego:
Little Elo does a little bow on the table and then scuttles on off back into Elo.
Infini:
[laughs] He's just on all fours, [comedic sounds of effort]
Ego:
Yeah.
Rugi:
[similar sounds of effort]
Infini:
[drums table to imitate footsteps]
Every time the Identify spell leaves him, it makes this sound. [plays water drop noise]
[laughter]
Dante:
I'm not fuckin' going in there.
Elo:
I'm also not going in there!
Fujio:
Do any of us have to go in there?
Gash:
To get them back, somebody probably needs to go.
Dante:
I'd need more information on, like...
Gash:
Yes. We should ask Halice first.
Fujio:
Yeah, let's talk to Halice first.
Gash:
We have Scrolls of Sending.
Infini:
You get 25 words, they can reply. But if you have a message that's less than 25 words, they're gonna hear what you say after that.
Neb:
That's pretty funny.
Ego:
So, the whole thing about spell scrolls is that anyone can use them and use them as a spell, but you can only use them one time and the spell scroll is destroyed.
Xanovar:
"Hey, Halice. Fuck you. Your employees stuck inside decanter, going in sounds like a bad idea. What do? Also, there is cult nonsense going on."
[Crusty chuckles]
Gash:
I think it's fine.
Dante:
I think that's pretty good. Which one's better, "fuck you" or "good day"? I personally think "fuck you" is great.
Fujio:
We can't say "fuck you"! He's our employer!
Xanovar:
He's our boss!
Elo:
If it's Casual Friday, we can send it.
Infini:
Is it? [laughs] DM, is it a Friday?
Ego:
Is it? Let me roll a die real fast and I'll tell you what day it is.
Infini:
Important lore!
Ego:
Yeah, it's a Casual Friday.
Rugi:
Yes!
Gash:
I vote for Casual Friday.
Elo:
I'm also voting for Casual Friday.
Fujio:
Okay, I'm not the one sending it, so if he gets on your asses about it, I'm not...
Elo:
Elo will send it!
Dante:
"xxxxo"...
Infini:
[laughs] "xoxo".
[Crusty laughs]
Neb:
Gossip girl.
Crusty:
[whisper] Gossip girl...
Infini:
"Love and kisses."
Rugi:
"P.S., please tape The Gilmore Girls for me."
[laughter]
Dante:
"Hey, Halice. Fuck you. Employee stuck in decanter. Going in sounds bad. What do we do? Also, there is cult nonsense going on. Love, Dante." [laughs]
Gash:
Yes. Fujio should send this message.
Fujio:
I'm not sending this message.
Gash:
Fujio send message.
Fujio:
Gash...
Gash:
Gash cannot talk.
Fujio:
[laughs] Why can't Dante send the message?! It says, "Love, Dante!"
Gash:
It's funnier.
Fujio:
Otherwise it'll sound like I'm saying, "by the way, I love Dante." And that wouldn't be good.
Elo:
That's gay!
Dante:
That's pretty gay, yeah.
Xanovar:
Gay.
Dante:
I'll send the message!
Gash:
Oh, that's right. None of you are gay. I forgot.
Rugi:
Yeah, we're... I'm so glad we're all...
Crusty:
We're all straight.
Group:
[gagging noise]
Ego:
Marsha perks up from where she's been sitting, making notes on everything that's been happening. She's like,
Marsha:
I'm not fucking straight. The fuck are you people?
Elo:
Elo wuh?
Gash:
I am not either. It was Casual Friday joke.
Rugi:
Elo just, "huh? HUH?"
Ego:
Okay. So you unfurl the scroll [SFX: scroll unfurling] and it has the sigil for Sending in it, which is something you copy down in your spell book, but you have the sigil and you know how to cast spells from sigils, so you just do your usual summoning that you would do with your spell book. [SFX: spell cast] You're probably the most equipped to cast this spell.
Crusty:
I realized I mispelled "employees"...
[laughter]
Dante:
Hey, Halice. Fuck you. Emplo— Emplayees stuck in decanter. Going in sounds bad. What do we do? Also, there is cult nonsense going on. Love, Dante.
[Rugi laughs]
Halice:
[reverb] Hey, honey! What? That's wack. I'm paying you to go in, though. Please have fun fixing the problem! Also, cults? Wild. See you all soon!
[laughter]
Crusty:
[laughing] I told you he'd be okay with it!
Infini:
Gash signs, "fuck that guy."
Crusty:
"Hey, honey..." I'm in love with this man.
Elo:
Do we have to do it right... now?
Fujio:
I mean—
Gash:
We should do it soon.
Dante:
Is one of us going in? Who's the most equipped to go in?
Gash:
None of us are equipped, but...
Dante:
You know, I'm already... I'm ready to die.
Gash:
...I'll do it.
Elo:
We don't know how long we'll be gone. What if we miss meeting with Oracle if we go in now?
Gash:
Oh.
Dante:
I mean, I'm imagining if it's a pocket dimension, time probably doesn't work the same there.
Fujio:
How many of us need to go in? Just one or multiple?
Gash:
If multiple people go in, multiple people have to recover memories. (Dante: Yeah.) But there's possibility that if only one goes in, then they could get lost.
Dante:
You know... I mean, I don't mind taking one for the team. [chuckles]
Gash:
Okay. Go in.
Crusty:
[imitating portal] WOOWOOWOO—
[laughter]
Crusty:
I have to drink from this shit, right?
Ego:
So, basically what you gather by looking at the decanter is that there's a specific sequence you have to fiddle with the little metal mechanism to unlock it, which is why the thing is sealed on top.
Gash:
Wait. Wait. Before you go...
Ego:
Make an investigation.
Dante:
You know you guys can meet with the Oracle without me, right?
Gash:
I know, but, just...
Xanovar:
Actually... him going to see the Oracle sounds like a bad idea. I just have to put that out here.
Gash:
Yes. I don't... no. He should definitely go in, I'm just asking should another person go too.
[pause]
Xanovar:
I'm staying put.
Elo:
I'm not going in.
Gash:
I need to see the Oracle.
Elo:
Fujio, you go!
Rugi:
17 plus 5 is 22.
Fujio:
I would feel horrible if Dante lost everything in there and it could have been avoided had I gone with him.
Dante:
You're young, you should stay out here in the event that some shit happens.
Fujio:
Well, that's true, but also you don't have any divine protection on your side.
Dante:
Yeah...? I don't really care.
Fujio:
Okay, whatever. If you want to go in by yourself, I won't stop you.
Dante:
If you want to go with me, I think it's going to complicate things.
Fujio:
It... it most likely will. But if anything bad happens to you, I'm going to be really fucking mad at you.
[Crusty chuckles]
Gash:
If anything bad happens we still need to free the people, so we decide who goes in after. If you're not back within... mmm... some time. I don't know. You guys decide. Then we will go in after you.
Dante:
Okay.
Gash:
But... because the meeting is tomorrow...
Dante:
I better be back.
Group:
Yeah.
Gash:
Don't... don't die.
Fujio:
Don't die.
Dante:
All right.
Ego:
The entire time while you guys are having this conversation, Dante's solving this puzzle like a Rubik's cube [SFX: ticking, shifting mechanisms] and he's just on the last sequence. Right now. Ready to flick it, you know.
Crusty:
[laughs] I wanted to say something funny, but I can't think of anything. My hands are... very clammy. [snorts]
[Infini plays fart noise]
Crusty:
[laughs] And there you go! I'm in!
[SFX: dramatic spell woosh, heartbeat fades in and speeds up]
Ego:
So he slides open the mechanism on the decanter, and while he's holding it, it looks like he mists into the bottle when the cork opens. And then the moment it closes, the mechanisms shift back to confuse themselves again. [SFX: reversed clockwork, heartbeat fades out]
Group:
Mm.
Fujio:
Do we carry the decanter around with us now while we wait for him, or is it just gonna stay there?
Gash:
We should carry it.
Elo:
Yeah, we should take it with us.
Marsha:
Yeah, fuckin' take that thing. I want nothing to do with it, especially if it does that shit.
Elo:
Can we take the dagger too?
Rugi:
Elo just goes for the dagger.
Marsha:
Yeah, that might actually help you find Sergio. Before he left, he took something similar with him. Nessie's apartment is over on the south side of the city by the lighthouse.
Fujio:
Hm.
Gash:
Okay. Let's go.
Neb:
I'm gonna be carrying the decanter.
Crusty:
Gayyyy!
Ego:
Alright. Marsha bids you all a goodbye as you head back down the stairs. I'll describe what happens to Dante when it becomes pressing.
Fujio:
Maybe we should have written something on his skin, like, "you need to get out." That would have been helpful.
Gash:
That would have been helpful, but he's gone now.
Xanovar:
That would have.
Elo:
We're seriously messed with him.
Fujio:
Yeah... well, we'll see. Maybe he'll figure it out.
Xanovar:
I believe he can do it.
Gash:
I'm prepared to go in.
Elo:
Mmmm... I'd say it's 50/50.
Gash:
I... say it's less. But we have many people here.
Xanovar:
Apparently, if he can drive a carriage better than I can, I think he can do it. I have not gotten the chance to drive it, mind you.
Gash:
You can drive it on the way to the apartment.
[pause]
Dante:
More like cumpartment. Ahahaha...
[laughter]
Fujio:
Sometimes I can still hear his voice.
[Crusty laughs]
Infini:
We're going to the apartment now, I assume.
Ego:
Okay. So you guys cross through the city. Similar winding pathways, you have to go up and down a couple times because none of the roads are straight across. But eventually, you get there, you can see the lighthouse just a little ways away from where her apartment building is. Marsha gave you a little map that has the apartment circled. Pretty tall, way taller than the other building you guys just came out of. The shutters are painted a pretty deep ocean blue. As you go up, she's on the third floor, which is high enough for you to see the ocean from her window. And it's one of those situations where the stairs are on the outside of the building.
So you go up in a little spiral to her apartment. The door has been kicked open.
Infini:
Okay.
Elo:
Two gold says that there's a dead body in there.
Gash:
Mm. I'm not taking that bet.
Ego:
You get into the apartment. It looks like it has been trashed in here. (Tobias: Oh, no!) There's a little bit of blood on the floor, on the walls, all the chairs, and it's a tiny, little shitty apartment. The interesting thing about it is, there's inventions everywhere. Little half-finished creations, none of them are done or in a usable state. You can tell that most of these are just thought experiments. But her whole house is just covered in metal and bolts and fucking wires and shit. And half of it has been destroyed by this struggle.
Infini:
Uhhh, investigation check! [chuckles]
Ego:
Hell yeah! Yeah, go for it.
Infini:
I wish I was good at investigation! 14.
Neb:
15.
Tobias:
14.
Rugi:
20. Unnatural.
Ego:
Elo is used to looking into people's houses and finding important things. Everyone else looks around. They find the same trashed garbage that's everywhere, the same blood splatter that indicates that there was a fight in here. There's little tufts of black fur wedged into places that have been yanked out. Elo, you manage to catch a scrap of fabric that's just been ripped off by the door.
Rugi:
I'm pretty sure I know what happened here. It's not very yolo epic swag.
[laughter]
Ego:
Looking closer at the piece of fabric that you've managed to pick up, it got caught because there's a thick piece of embroidery. Like this was the corner of a... very well-made piece of clothing.
Rugi:
Mhm. What's on the embroidery? Is it a name, so is it a monogram, or is it more of a pattern?
Ego:
It's a intricate corner pattern that you would see on maybe the bottom of a shirt, or on a shirt collar, or the bottom of a cape, maybe, if the cape is stupid expensive and they don't care about getting it dirty. That kind of thing.
Rugi:
Mhm.
Ego:
It's just all these flowing lines and stuff.
Elo:
I have a pretty good idea of what happened here.
Gash:
What is it?
Elo:
I'm pretty sure that other dagger got some use out of it. It would explain the fur...
Gash:
So is there a beast just wandering?
Elo:
Probably not. But... it doesn't mean that it can't come back.
Gash:
I suppose we look for a trail? If they left somewhere...? We haven't found anything here.
Xanovar:
That is true.
Ego:
There doesn't seem to be any paw prints in the blood on the floor. There hasn't been any indication that there's been an animal that's come through here.
Gash:
I don't think there was a beast in there. I think the fur came from the tabaxi, and...
Elo:
Oh, that's right, I forgot that they were tabaxi.
Gash:
Yes. It is a black cat. Um... Mm... well, shit. I think we should look for some trail. Because if the tabaxi is not here, then... he might have been taken somewhere by somebody.
Fujio:
That's true.
Xanovar:
That is true.
Infini:
I'm gonna roll an investigation check for that. You guys can help out if you want.
Neb:
I'm going to give you advantage.
Rugi:
I'm going to make my own roll.
Ego:
Okay.
Infini:
Ooh, that's a two! None of those are good. That's a ten. Ten, baby!
Tobias:
I got a four.
Rugi:
I got a nine.
Ego:
Okay, none of you manage to Sherlock Holmes reverse engineer what exactly happened here, and what direction they went after... but Gash, I will say, you remember back where you used to live... gossip used to travel around so fast. And Nessie does live in an apartment building, so people might have heard what happened.
Gash:
Let's ask around. You guys do it. I'll be backup.
Infini:
And I just walk out of the apartment [laughs] and I knock on the apartment to the right of us. If there is one.
Ego:
There's one on the front, and then there's one on the back, and then up a floor, there's one on the side and one on the other side, and then it continues up for six floors.
Infini:
I go to the nearest one. [punctuated] Knock knock. If you guys want to follow me... you should. Because...
Rugi:
Elo's gonna follow, because that seems bad.
Neb:
Yeah, I'm also gonna follow Gash.
Ego:
There is not a response from the door.
Infini:
I check the lock.
Ego:
It is locked. There are no lights on inside, you get the impression that the person who lives here is not home.
Infini:
Go to the next apartment! [laughs]
Ego:
Alright. [SFX: party climbing stairs] So you go a floor up to the one that's adjacent to Nessie's house, and you knock on this one, and it does open. [SFX: knocking, door opens] You can get the impression that there's a small halfling community that took over this apartment, and the woman who opens it has a baby on her hip and two other small kids running around behind her.
Infini:
Yes. They open the door to eight feet of cow.
Ego:
You open the door to three feet of tiny little lady.
Halfling Woman:
[southern accent] Uhh, how can I help you?
Infini:
Oh yeah, I shouldn't say anything, because I can't fucking talk! Okay. I move aside so that the others can speak for me.
Ego:
Several pounds of cow move the side to Fujio, Elo, and Xanovar. [SFX: heavy footsteps]
Infini:
I'm still behind, staring at her. Somebody say something, please.
Elo:
Do you know about the apartment below you? On the first floor? Probably some struggle or ruckus.
Halfing Woman:
I mean, a few weeks back it sounded like something happened down there. I didn't go down there myself, I mean, I gotta take care of my kids, but I was definitely worried.
Elo:
You didn't call the guard or anything?
Halfling Woman:
Who calls the guard?
Infini:
What are you, a narc? [laughs]
Rugi:
Elo just looks at her, like, "good on you!"
Infini:
I nod.
Xanovar:
Well, there was a little bit of a scene there. Something not so child friendly.
Halfling Woman:
Yeah...
Ego:
She holds the baby's ear to her chest and covers the other one with her hand.
Halfling Woman:
What went down?
Elo:
Probably a murder, honestly.
Halfling Woman:
A murder in this apartment? Yes, I mean, that works with the neighborhood.
Infini:
You know what? To talk, I'm gonna roll a performance check. Cause I can't...
Ego:
For sure.
Infini:
Cause this is somebody who doesn't know me. That's a... [laughs] uhh, that's a three! Someone help me!
Ego:
What are you trying to get across?
Infini:
I am trying to ask if anybody in the apartment would know about Nessie. Cause Nessie's the one who lives here. But it all just translates to firbolg staring.
Ego:
Yeah, it's just expectant staring.
Halfling Woman:
Uhhh... d'you want to ask me a question? Ma'am?
Neb:
I feel like Fujio at this point tried to step in again to help Gash, but I rolled a nat one, so...
Infini:
"Uhhh, Gash needs to use your bathroom." [laughs]
Ego:
Gash needs to use your bathroom, that's fucking hilarious...
Tobias:
Can I try to get that question across?
Crusty:
Fujio is the king of natural ones.
Ego:
Yeah, you have words that you can use. So if any of you want to ask that question, you just can.
Infini:
I'm trying to ask if anyone in the apartment complex would know anything about Nessie specifically.
Rugi:
I'm going to ask exactly that!
Infini:
Coooool! Thank you!
Halfling Woman:
I guess the lower floors would probably know more about that, she has to go past 'em. I'm not super familiar with the people who are living below me. I got a lot to take care of up here. My husband spends a lot of time walking around this place, so... he's gonna be getting back from the market soon, if you want to ask him!
Elo:
That's probably not a bad idea.
Fujio:
Yeah, we can see about asking other tenants while we wait for him to get back.
Halfling Woman:
For sure, for sure!
Fujio:
Thank you so much for your time, ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you.
Halfling Woman:
Oh, it's no trouble at all! If I can help anyone in the building not get murdered again, I'd just be darn peached to do it.
Infini:
[southern accent] That'd just be dandy.
Ego:
That'd be just dandy.
Rugi:
[southern accent] That'd be so nice, if nobody got murdered anymore.
Ego:
So she just waves you guys goodbye, closes the door. [SFX: door swings shut] You guys want to check out the lower apartments?
Infini:
For the sake of expediting the process, can we do a quick investigation so that we don't have to roleplay everyone?
Ego:
Yeah, I can give you the information that the neighbors would have given you. If you guys could give me a group charisma check?
Rugi:
Oh, nat 20.
Infini:
Oh, holy shit, thank fuck. That's a seven. Oh, but it doesn't even matter. Elo, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, my boy.
Neb:
I got a 10.
Rugi:
It's the mustache. [laughter] It's changing everything.
Tobias:
I got a 10.
Ego:
Okay. You guys got all average, except for Elo, who got a nat 20, which brings up the average by a lot. I will say you get quite a bit out of the neighbors. There's one guy who lives on the very bottom floor that's sunken in as a basement. He looks a little wigged out, like he hasn't really left his apartment in a while, and he seems like the paranoid type. When you ask him questions about it, he is willing to give out information about what happened because he wants people to believe him about what the fuck happened that evening. And basically he says that Nessie hadn't hadn't come back, but her tabaxi friend came in, and then two other cloaked figures went up to the same floor and then they came down with the tabaxi bagged and gagged, walked through alleyways.
Infini:
I just realized something. Dante went in. Does he have Dante Jr. with him or did we keep him?
Ego:
Dante Jr. has been holding on to the throat of the decanter the entire time you guys have been investigating.
Neb:
I feel like knowing Dante, before he went in, he would have been like, "I'm sorry, little buddy. Can't risk you." And give him a little kiss.
Ego:
The dude points you in the direction of the alleyway that they all went through.
Infini:
Okay. Time to go. Gotta go. Gotta blast!
Ego:
If you guys want to try and follow a trail, I'm going to need you to roll investigation checks.
Rugi:
24.
Ego:
Detective Elo on the fuckin' case.
Tobias:
20!
Ego:
Hell yeah! Way to go, Xanovar. So Elo is leading the charge here, but Xanovar, like... when you're just catching on to what the idea of something is and you're just behind somebody who's really good at it. Elo is coming up with things and then directly after him, Xanovar is like, "yeah, I just came up with that idea too!" Like, "I know! These alleyways, I know these alleyways, ahhh!"
Infini:
"My city!"
Ego:
"I know this city! Ahh!"
Tobias:
"My city!"
Ego:
So you guys weave and twist through alleyways because Elo, like a fucking bloodhound, is just picking up on things that you guys didn't even fuckin' notice. Like, there's a scuff on a wall! Or like, there's a drop of blood from fuckin' Sergio because it smells cat, and Elo's picking up on smells now! And eventually your trail ends at a sewer grate.
Infini:
Ahh, we're gonna get stinky!
Tobias:
Stinky!
Infini and Neb:
Stinky!
Infini:
Maybe we should have brought Dante, actually.
Ego:
It has been nearly an hour and Dante has not come out yet.
Neb:
Well, I imagine it's going to take a bit longer than that.
[overlapping agreement, chatter]
Infini:
Yeah, we said until tomorrow, because we're meeting with the Oracle, and if he's not out after that, we're going in.
Crusty:
The power of friendship.
Infini:
[laughs] The power of friendship, which is sending your friend into a decanter and then coming up with a great idea for him to jog his memory immediately after we send him in.
Crusty:
Yeah! [laughs] The second you guys were like, "we should have written something on his fucking arm," I'm like, god fucking dammit. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
Infini:
Piece of shit.
Ego:
So there's this fucking sewer. It's not locked or anything, it's a fuckin' sewer.
Infini:
I start climbing in.
Xanovar:
I am not going in there, you're insane!
Fujio:
Gross...
Infini:
I shrug.
Gash:
You can stay up here if you want.
Fujio:
Gash, can we sit on your shoulders?
Elo:
What? Why are you guys afraid of the sewer? It's not that bad.
Rugi:
And Elo just jumps in with no hesitation.
Ego:
There's service pathways and stuff in it, so there's the main area, where the sewage is going through. This is the outtake sewage channel, so this is where all the nasty shit is.
Infini:
Thank you so much, Ego.
Gash:
If you must... I will carry you if you will go down there.
Xanovar:
Can't I just stay and go to the tavern and try to make some money with some tips?
Elo:
No! If I can't sell my dinosaur bone, you can't go play music!
Xanovar:
You just can't do it yet.
Elo:
And you can't go play music yet!
Rugi:
And Elo is just gonna grab him and pull him down. [SFX: woosh]
[laughter]
Ego:
So all of you are down in the sewer. It's kinda gross. There's these stone arches that are keeping everything together while the fuckin' street goes on above. It's pretty far down, there's some parts of it that slough down into other parts of the sewer, matching up with where the streets go. They're very beautiful sewer tunnels, but it's also— it smells so bad. It smells so bad in here, guys. Make another investigation check now that you're in the sewers.
[Infini sighs]
Tobias:
Okay.
Rugi:
Okay.
Infini:
Please. Please, god.
Rugi:
Oh, 24!
Infini:
Fifteen.
Tobias:
Ten.
Neb:
Five.
Ego:
Okay, that works. You could say it had a higher DC than the surface.
Infini:
What does that mean? What does that mean?
Ego:
You don't know, it's fine. It's a little bit more difficult to figure out the path they went through. After a while, you start to get the impression that they were intentionally going in weird directions. You end up going down and then back up and then around and then over and then...
Rugi:
Oh, it's just to confuse people.
Group:
Yeah.
Ego:
The alleyways were also very twisty and confusing, but it's even worse down here.
Rugi:
Whoever's doing this does not want to be found.
Ego:
You continue on for a while. You pop back up in a different service tunnel and you find yourself in the noble district.
Infini:
Oh, shit!
Ego:
You are on the south side of the noble district, so on the opposite side from the one that you were at before.
Infini:
I see! We didn't need to go through the poop sewers after all. [laughs] We could have walked from Xan's house, but fine. I guess another investigation check?
Ego:
Another one while you're up here. It's going to be way more difficult because this area gets cleaned up very frequently.
Rugi:
I got 17.
Infini:
14.
Ego:
14, 17.
Neb:
16.
Tobias:
7.
Ego:
Once you guys come up from the sewers, you don't see anything else. People are staring at you because you smell funny.
Infini:
Who give a shit? Come on.
Xanovar:
I give a shit! I want to take a bath. This is disgusting.
Fujio:
Might be at a bit of a dead end here.
Gash:
I guess ask around more.
Infini:
I'm fucking out of patience. Nearest fucking noble person.
Ego:
Make a persuasion check for me real fast!
Tobias:
Oh, no!
Ego:
With disadvantage.
Infini:
All right. Babes? I've got minus three in that.
One. Two. NAT 20! GODDAMMIT! [slams table] God hates me. That's an eleven.
Ego:
So fucking funny! Okay. In another reality, this goes perfectly in your head...
Infini:
I had the perfect argument planned out in my head, and it didn't come out of my mouth.
Ego:
Yeah. You have a statement ready. In your head, it sounds very to the point, very succinct, it gets your point across in just one or two words. And instead, you just open your mouth and you stare at them. And then the person looks at you and then looks away and then looks back at you and then immediately books it in the opposite direction. [SFX: running away]
[Infini sighs]
You get the impression that all of the noble people in this area are very averse to talking to you guys. They're very judgy.
Gash:
[frustrated] Mmmm.... mmmmm. Where to go to get information about something like this?
Elo:
Xanovar's a noble, he should be able to talk to them.
Xanovar:
But I smell like a dog's breath right now! I need perfume or something, don't I?
Infini:
I take my fucking flask of water and I just spritz some on him.
Rugi:
Oh, I was gonna say, Elo just, like... [laughs] dunks him. In him.
Ego:
Inside, he smells like seafoam. On the outside, he smells like... sewer.
Infini:
Oh, that's true. So it's horrible for half a second and then the next half a second, "ah, that's nice," and then it's horrible again.
Rugi:
Yeah! Just to make him smell better!
Infini:
In broad daylight, in view of all the nobles we were gonna talk to.
Ego:
You're half out of the little alleyway you guys were in at this moment, because you guys are about to go talk to people, and Elo just picks Xanovar up, [SFX: cartoon splat] shoves him in his chest, [SFX: washing machine rumble] jiggles around for a minute, [SFX: cartoon splat] and then whips him back out.
[Infini plays water drop noise]
[laughter]
And Xanovar does smell way better, but now he is covered in the liquid remnants of goo.
Elo:
Not for long! It dries fast!
Xanovar:
How fast? We need to get this as soon as possible! Oh, that was horrifying... but I actually smell pretty nice now.
Infini:
[giggles] The perfume...
Rugi:
Elo's just gonna take his neck bandana and just dry him off.
Ego:
It dries as a gel-crust-kind of thing.
Rugi:
Oh, no! I am making things way worse.
Ego:
Yeah. You're patting with the bandana and the bandana is getting crusty at the same time that Xanovar is getting crusty.
Infini:
Did someone say crusty?!
Crusty:
Crusty...
Rugi:
Crusty!
Crusty:
That's me! [laughs giddily]
Infini:
I really... I'm.... [sighs, laughs] What the fuck do we do now? Somebody other than me come up with an idea, please god.
Xanovar:
Why don't I just try talking to someone who looks important and looks like they might actually know something about this?
Gash:
[terse] Sure.
Fujio:
That's a pretty good idea.
Gash:
That's good.
Ego:
Xanovar, you see somebody sitting in their yard on a little garden table, sipping some tea. And you think that they might have seen something because they live across this alleyway. Roll a persuasion check for me, please.
Tobias:
All right. 14.
Ego:
So you approach this person. You're kind of slick all over. [laughter] And this nobleman looks at you and sees the people behind you, and he, like... gets the waft on the wind, but politely just wrinkles his nose and holds his tea up and he's like,
Nobleman:
Yes, how can I help you?
Xanovar:
Um... You look like you live here, correct?
Nobleman:
Yes, yes. It's been in the family for generations.
[Infini retches]
Ego:
And if you look at him, he's a full moon elf.
Infini:
I'm gonna kill him.
Ego:
Fuckin' dark blue skin, fuckin' pale blue hair, fuckin' starlight eyes, that kind bullshit. And he's just sitting there with his little teacup.
Group:
[strained sounds, murderous intent]
Nobleman:
Yes, a bit of a generation! If you want the location of the bath house, that would be on the north side of the noble district.
Xanovar:
Well, I would absolutely love that right now. This is a question of an entirely different matter, I have to put it. We are looking for a pair of some people... Sergio, tabaxi, and Nessie.
Nobleman:
Tabaxi fellow? They don't really come around these parts very often. There's a good little Leonid family just down the way, there was that Leonin council member who went away. Ooh, what a scandal that was! But I haven't seen a tabaxi in ages.
Rugi:
Uh-oh.
Infini:
I'm going to walk up behind Xanavar... I'm sorry, no, I'm not going to walk behind Xanovar. I'm going to fucking appear on the horizon just making direct eye contact with him. Remember when Gash entered the fucking session and she was walking through the city with her greatclub in the middle of the street? This is it again. She's not moving, she's just fucking staring.
Ego:
He's definitely aware that Gash is there. Like, every once in a while, he'll peer behind Xanovar and be like, "ooh!" and then look back at Xanovar instead of looking at all of you guys.
Infini:
Every time he looks, I'm a bit closer.
Rugi:
Oh, no.
Nobleman:
Well, um... no, I haven't... Nessie? I don't [stutters] know anyone by that name. No?
Infini:
Can I. Roll. An insight check on him.
Tobias:
Yeah, he's lying, I can tell.
Rugi:
Yeah, this dude's lying... this dude's lying for sure.
Infini:
Fuckin' 22, baby! Tell me all your secrets.
Ego:
He doesn't want to be talking to Xanovar anymore. He's being polite for the sake of being polite, because Xanovar is wearing noble clothes. Clearly belongs here, but he also is like, "Xanovar was hanging out with you people. You people smell. Also, Xanovar is covered in crust now." This man is not lying, he just wants you guys out of his hair.
Infini:
Let's fucking go! God.
Tobias:
Ugh.
Ego:
But to be fair, you guys haven't told him the fact that there was, like, hooded figures and somebody being dragged away with a bag over their head. You just mentioned people.
Infini:
Xanovar, please. Please. Please.
Xanovar:
Well, even if you don't know those names, there has been a murder in this area. And there were some people who were seen carrying someone with someone with a bag around their head, and we were looking for any clues, basically. We'd be very appreciative and get out of your hair.
Nobleman:
Oh, yes, miscreants! There were miscreants in the area about a week and a half ago, yes. I went to my homeowners' association meeting just quite a few days ago, and I was talking to the others who live in this neighborhood and they were all, "ooh, what went down there?" and I was like... [continues rambling]
Infini:
I'm getting closer! I'M GETTING CLOSER!
Nobleman:
I told them, I— I— I called my butler to grab my rifle so I could take care of them if they came into my house. Thank the Oracle they didn't!
Xanovar:
Would you know anything about where they possibly would have went?
Nobleman:
They went that way.
Ego:
And he points through the alleyway that's adjacent to his house.
Infini:
LET'S GO. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
Rugi:
Let's go, team!
Infini:
GOODBYE. GOODBYE. GOODBYE.
[Infini rolls dice]
Rugi:
Elo, FBI!
Tobias:
Immediately get out of here.
Infini:
That's a nat 20. I'm making a fucking intimidation check on him as I fucking book it down the alleyway.
Ego:
As you run past, you do that thing where you push your chest out and move towards him, and he just shoots back in his chair and his tea goes flying. And he's like, "oh, my!"
Infini:
And then I run. Fucking nat 20. Worth it. Holy shit.
Ego:
Fuck yeah, it's so good. Yeah, so you run through this alleyway. And this part of the city, this is the lead up to the university.
Rugi:
[excited gasping and panting]
Infini:
[laughs, imitates panting]
Rugi:
[panting]
Ego:
Before the university, there is a... like, a library/museum. On one side is a city-wide library, and the other side is a museum where they collect artifacts and stuff from the surrounding areas. There's a little bridge that connects them, it's a walkway type thing. And underneath it there is an entryway, and then past that is a massive gate along another wall that leads into the university. That's what you see when you go through the alleyway.
Gash:
[out of breath] Um... uh. Which. Where.
Infini:
[laughs] I was on the verge of just going into a rage so the adrenaline is still going through my system.
Gash:
Where... where to go first. Any ideas?
Elo:
Mm... the museum will probably be a dead end. I think we should go there last.
Ego:
Uh, if you guys give me a straight wisdom check, I can give you an idea of what seems the most sane at the moment.
Infini:
A group one?
Ego:
Nah, individual.
Neb:
I got a 19.
Infini:
That's a 19 as well. Elo might be hung up on the bone again.
Ego:
Elo has seen the university and is vibrating contemplating bone.
Rugi:
I am thinking about ditching this dumbass party!
Ego:
Yeah, so Fujio computes everything in his brain, is like, "that way!" and he points straight to the university gate. And he's like, "there's no way they would have entered those other buildings. They're dead ends. There's lots of places to hide in the university." Just fucking glass and fractals everywhere.
Infini:
As he talks, I'm walking.
Ego:
Yeah. And you all head towards the university gate.
Rugi:
Elo just at the gates like, "let me in. LET ME IN!"
Ego:
Like Yravoi said, it's an open campus. So Moonbright University is through another wall with a gate, this one doesn't go up, it opens inward. And it's this iron-wrought gate that's very elaborate and there's a scroll along it that says something in Elven. I don't think any of you speak Elven.
Infini:
I speak Elvish!
Ego:
You do?
Infini:
I do!
Tobias:
Oh, Xan speaks Elvish.
Ego:
It's basically the elven equivalent of "Moonbright University" but it has a different meaning in the language.
You guys walk through it, and on the other side there is a big pavilion that is flanked by three separate buildings. In the middle of the pavilion area, there's a bunch of students sitting on the grass reading, moving from class to class, practicing spells, talking to friends on benches. You know, shit like that. Basic university student shit. You can see behind the main sets of buildings, there's a couple of other buildings behind them, and they're all connected by pathways that are connected to a central statue in the middle of the pavilion. The statue is of an elf with elegant features holding a single crystal orb with his eyes covered by a veil. In his other hand there is a scroll with another set of elven runes, and it says, "in the past, wisdom. In the present, certainty. In the future, potential." General fucking university platitudes. Shit like that. It also should be noted it's not just elves up here, there's other races that are milling around too.
Infini:
Who has a good investigation?
Rugi:
Me!
Infini:
I will help you.
Ego:
Elo, roll investigation, please!
Rugi:
Okay!
Infini:
Go, Elo, go!
Rugi:
Oh, 24!
Ego:
Damn, king!
Rugi:
Let's go, lesbians, let's go!
Ego:
Let's go, twinks, let's go! You start looking around, you look at all the students, and you look at the pavilion, you look at the grass. This area is way too open for something like a kidnapping to happen in this area. And you get the impression that you guys took a more direct route to the same location you would have ended up in anyway? It catches your eye that this wall is less secure than all the other walls, they're not fortified, so there's a possibility that this isn't the only entrance into this part of the city. And you see that to the right of you guys, there is a pathway that leads down to another gateway.
Infini:
Ooh. Let's go.
Ego:
This is a back building, it seems it's not used very frequently. So you guys get to this building, there's a door inside. It has been padlocked, so it's not a natural lock on this, or a fuckin' door lock, it's like, you know... big thick bolted lock on this door.
Rugi:
I'd like to pick that, please! Oh, nat 1.
Ego:
You get the impression that the inner mechanisms are fucked up, and the only thing that would really be able to jostle it open would be the key.
Infini:
I'm gonna fucking break the door down.
Ego:
Okay. Make a roll for it. Athletics.
Infini:
Yes. Nat 20.
Ego:
You break the door open [SFX: door breaks] and from behind the door, a creature bursts out [SFX: creature growls] and immediately starts running towards the center of the campus. [SFX: creature runs] A blur of black that just shoots past all of you. It phases through all of your bodies [SFX: teleport sound] and knocks you back with the force of it, and it just keeps galloping towards the pavilion. And behind, there are little fading marks of where it used to be, and its tails look like afterimages, but there are multiples of them. Yeah. The beast is running towards a heavily populated area of students.
Gash:
We found Sergio.
Ego:
[laughs] Yeah! That's where I'm gonna end that for today. (Infini: [strained] Okay!) I would like to jump back to Dante for a second.
[Infini gasps]
Neb:
Mhm.
Tobias:
Ooh...
[SFX: sounds of Moonbright fade out, clockwork ticking and heartbeat fade in]
Ego:
You phase into it kind of like you're stepping through a door, but, like... you feel your body coalesce into this sense of being inside this new object. And you feel disconnected from everything around you. It feels like you're in this foggy pink chamber for a while, and you walk around for a hot minute. [SFX: walking] You walk until your thoughts start to drift, and as your thoughts drift, you catch little glimpses of things in the fog as you pass by them. You think, "aw, man, this is the most boring thing I've ever been through." and you catch a hint of a class you took as a child. And it's like, "aw man, I kinda wish I had people around to fuckin' rib while I was doing this." And a fucking picture of Fujio passes by.
As you move forward, it feels like it takes longer and longer, and it doesn't feel like you're getting anywhere. And you're like, "man... I wish I had someone I could talk to." And another picture of Elo slides past you. And again, you're stepping through a door that has a spray of mist in front of it. You step through it, and you feel your your face just fucking misted with this fog that's everywhere. And as you step through it, [SFX: warping sound] you enter a moment. [sound cuts off]
[clockwork ticking continues]
It's something you don't think about very often, but you know where you are. And you know what hallway you're in. And you remember the smell of this place so intimately. It's the smell of fresh-cooked baked goods. It's the smell of wood after a rainy day. It's... the sound of laughter coming through the floorboards below. [SFX: muffled children's laughter] It's... it's the sound of tiny footsteps running across wooden floors. [SFX: muffled footsteps] And you hear somebody call to you from another room. She says,
Voice:
Dante, come back. They want to say goodnight to you.
[Outro: Clockwork ticking, winding]