Map
Footbath & Massage Ritual
The footbath and massage ritual is a ceremony to honor the pregnant parent, and to celebrate their rite of passage. It allows for them to practice receiving love and support from their partner (and for the partner to practice offering love and support!). Additionally, it can be a sweet and intimate opportunity for the couple to connect from the heart. There are variations in how it can be presented, see below for some ideas.
Time: 20-40 minutes, 10 minutes to set up; 15-20 minutes for the ritual.
When to Present: The last half of the final class, in a series of six classes, or during the last session in a weekend immersion. A footbath ritual can also be offered during a private session or even a prenatal visit.
Preparation & supplies: Gather music, candles, chimes to time the ritual progression, aromatherapy to scent the water (optional); extra massage oil/lotion; bath salts; tea cups/small treats (optional); basins; towels (some mentors choose to have the partners bring their own basin and towel), and prepare the partners the week before (see below).
Prepare Partners in Advance:
Many mentors find it works best to offer this up as a Secret Homework for the partners (it can go along nicely with a Secret Homework of Birth Bundles for the ones who are pregnant.) The week before the last class, or the first session of a weekend immersion, hand each partner an envelope with their Secret Homework inside. The Footbath Ritual is extra special when the pregnant parents aren’t expecting it! Prepare a letter to the partners that explains the ritual, and asks them to bring
a few items: (1) a favorite scented oil or lotion (2) a small gift (3) A blessing, prayer, poem or letter, (4) Basin and (5) Towel (Basin and Towel
can also be provided by the mentor).
Sample letter (feel free to use your own language!):
At our next session, we will do a Footbath and Massage Ritual to honor the Birth Warriors! This ritual will help to mark your child’s birth as a rite of passage in your partner’s life. Remember, there are two births happening —one of the child, and the other of the new parent! For this ritual, you will need to collect and bring the following things to class next week:
• A little gift (not necessarily one that you buy)... something that will remind them of your bond and of your belief in them.
• A favorite scented massage oil or lotion
• A blessing, prayer, poem or letter (this will be private, shared just between the two of you)
• A basin large enough for your partner to submerge their feet comfortably
• A towel
Please keep this a secret! It will be more powerful and enjoyable for them if they’re not anticipating it! I will give more guidance next week, but in the meantime, please gather these items and be prepared to honor your partner, the Birth Warrior.
The Ritual:
1. Guide the pregnant parents to a separate space for a few minutes, and suggest they use the restroom! (it takes about 10 minutes to explain the process to the partners and to set up).
2. Gather the partners to help fill the basins with warm water, adding Epsom salts or bath salts and essential oils, or even flower petals, as desired. Have the partners help to create the ritual space - each partner can set up a station - with seating, the basin, their massage oil/lotion, a candle, their little gift and/or blessing, and a towel. If possible, spread the seating about to allow for as much privacy and intimacy as possible.
3. Explain to the partners how you will cue them through the ritual using chimes. The timing is flexible, but as a guideline, you can plan for 3-5 minutes for each step: soak, foot #1, foot #2, offering; the transition from one step to the next is designated by a ring of the chimes.
4. Light the candles. Turn on the music, which creates mood, but also buffers what couples are saying to one another in the shared space.
5. If you are including tea and treats, place these on tables by the pregnant parents’ chairs.
4. Place yourself in a corner, even in a hallway, so you are not “watching” the couples.
5. Do not explain the ritual to the pregnant parents. Let the partners do this as they bring them to their seat, put their feet in water, and begin the ritual. (Allow about 5 minutes of settling in and soaking before the first bell.)
6. Turn down the lights to signal the ritual is beginning, and to quiet the room.
7. Some mentors find that simply allowing the parents to drop into this experience together, being guided by the chimes to move from massaging one foot, and then the other, and finally to sharing the gift and blessing, is enough. Without need for further structure or input.
8. Others, like to add in an opportunity for the parents to practice pain-coping, by cueing them to explore one pain-coping practice at a time, as the ritual goes on.
For example: (A) Ring chime once: first foot. Offer the instruction to take one foot out of the water, dry and massage. Then, cue them to begin with Breath Awareness. Allow 2-3 minutes; (B) Ring bell twice: second foot (as above); choose a different pain-coping practice (2-3 minutes); (C) Ring bell three times: signal to wrap their feet in towel. Time to privately give the small gift and blessings for bringing their child into the world (6-8 minutes).
9. Still others enjoy sharing the Great Story of Inanna during this time.
10. Slowly ring the chime a final time to conclude the ritual, and to shift the couples— simultaneously—out of their cocoon and back to the group. Gradually turn the lights up, or turn on a small lamp, so the pregnant parents can find their shoes, and adjust to the light.
11. Invite the parents to form a circle--standing is fine, even best. Thank them for coming and say goodnight.
12. The class will not “process” the ritual, or “share” their experiences or gifts with the other parents. These gifts are personal, not even you should know what gifts were given. You don’t want to bring them back into their social-thinking brains with conversation or teaching. You want them to leave while still in this tender place with one another.
