House of Sins

CHARACTERS: Gender does not matter for these characters.

GREED: Competitive, can be too tenacious.

SLOTH: Sleepyhead. Would rather just exist with all of their friends and not think a lot.

PRIDE: Competitive but in a healthier manner than Greed.

WRATH: Boneheaded. Doesn’t always understand but does have strong feelings.

SETTING: The setting is modern day, so the clothing should be appropriate for a “friends hangout.”

Scene opens and all four characters are sitting at a table, playing cards. Greed’s pile of chips is much larger than the rest of their piles.

GREED: Boom! Full house rocks the boat.

SLOTH: (Yawning) How much longer until the others get here?

PRIDE: Shouldn’t be long now Sleepy, but next game, I’m dealing the cards . . . Nothing under the table.

GREED: You have no proof I did anything wrong!

PRIDE: Then why aren’t you saying you didn’t?

WRATH: Why does he need proof? It’s in your nature, Greed.

GREED: Come on guys, my morals are very strong when we play cards. Monopoly, not so much. Thousands of years together and you think I’d cheat you in a lowly game of cards?

PRIDE: Whatever, how long until the Mario Kart tournament?

SLOTH: Mario Kart? I thought we were done after this one.

PRIDE: Sloth . . . the others haven’t even got here yet. They are probably too scared of my game night prowess and decided it was best to stay home.

WRATH: Mario Kart! I love that game!

SLOTH: You love all of the competitive games, Wrath.

WRATH: What’s that supposed to mean?

SLOTH: I don’t know. I don’t really care to explain.

GREED: Okay let’s get to this next hand!

PRIDE: (Grabs the cards and begins to shuffle) What are the odds Greed loses this one now that he doesn’t have the deck in his hands to start?

SLOTH: Historically speaking, very low. He has a win percentage of 60% when Pride shuffles the deck. (PRIDE pushes the cards to SLOTH, who pushes them across the table to WRATH)

WRATH: Fine. Looks like I have to do it.

GREED: It won’t matter. Lust is the only player who can beat me consistently at this game. Not sure what she has over me though . . .

SLOTH: She’s hot.

GREED: What?

SLOTH: She’s really hot. You’re a sucker for girls that flip their hair.

GREED: THAT MAKES SENSE NOW.

WRATH: (Handing out cards slowly) One, two, three, four. Two, two, three, four. Three two three four.

PRIDE: It’s okay Wrath, I can count for you.

WRATH: Do you think I can’t? I can count! I can count to at least a hundred and twenty.

PRIDE: Oh? That’s all? Well Sloth can count over a hundred and twenty-one.

SLOTH: Hey keep me out of this. I just want to play the game. Greed, can you bring me a blanket? (GREED gets up to do so. The other three are checking their hands.)

GREED: Here you go Slothy. (GREED absolutely peeks at SLOTH’S hand after putting the blanket around their shoulders.)

WRATH: Do you guys miss terrorizing the humans?

SLOTH: That was only you, Wrath. Most of us didn’t hurt people.

WRATH: Not true. Envy would go with me sometimes. Humans get really mean when they feel envious.

PRIDE: Hmph. You ever see the things humans would do when they were prideful? Countries have been ripped apart.

SLOTH: Okay, so you all are beautiful. Why are you thinking about terrorizing humans right now anyways Wrath?

WRATH: Because these human games terrorize me! I cannot figure out the tricks and how they become so good with these cards!

GREED: It’s easy, you count them.

WRATH: Are you trying to jab me about my counting skills too?

GREED: No! I just count the cards and I can make an educated guess as to what cards are coming up next.

PRIDE: So you admit to doing something against the rules of the human card games?

GREED: (hastily) When are the others getting here?

WRATH: You cheat! You lie and scheme! (WRATH stands up)

GREED: Don’t blow up now buddy… This doesn’t need to be something to fight over.

WRATH: I’m sure you would feel that way. You haven’t been cheated out of a bunch of human games!

GREED: Okay! Lets just put the card game down and play Mario Kart?

SLOTH: I’m in! (SLOTH tosses their hand down and hops onto the sofa, turning on the Nintendo Switch. Wearing a blanket like a cape) You guys are gonna think I’m the cheater when you get whipped in all these races!

PRIDE: Let’s pick up first. Can’t have the table looking a mess when the others arrive.

WRATH: Okay, you get on that then Pride.

SLOTH: C’mon slowpokes. The future winner is getting tired over here.

GREED: You’re right. (Stretches) I am getting pretty worn out tonight.

SLOTH: Not you Greed. Me!

GREED: Are you sure you aren’t the Sin of Gullibleness?

SLOTH: Oh, sorry then.

WRATH:  Hey man, apologize. Sloth doesn’t harm anybody.

GREED:  Ohh big guy huh? Standing up for the lazy sin.

PRIDE: (Grabs GREED by the armpits and puts him on the back of the sofa) Here, maybe now you’ll feel like the big guy. Cut it out for real Greed, or I’ll let Wrath practice his WWE moves on you again.

GREED:  (Climbs down from the sofa and sits next to SLOTH) I’m sorry Sloth. I was mean. (To WRATH and PRIDE) There. Good?

WRATH: The fact you had to ask makes it not okay. Why don’t you bug off for a while?

(Exit GREED.)

SLOTH: Thank you guys for standing up for me. (SLOTH adjusts their blanket tighter.)

PRIDE: It’s not a problem. (SLOTH begins to sniffle) Oh no don’t cry! Here, let's play a round of Mario Kart. It’ll help you feel better.

WRATH: Ohh I’m gonna kick his ass. He always takes it too far.

PRIDE: I know, trust me I know.

SLOTH: Do I get Yoshi?

WRATH: Mmmm I usually pick him but yeah you can have Yoshi this time. We gotta play Rainbow Road though.

SLOTH: So you can fall off every thirty seconds?

PRIDE: You might be surprised. Wrath has been working on his anger by practicing that track so he can race against you more effectively. Donkey Kong is my guy. Let’s get to my victory lap.

(The group spends a short time bantering while playing the game. This should take 30 seconds. Make up their own insults. SLOTH will win the cup.)

SLOTH: Booyah! That’s another big win for the sloth sin. I thought I was supposed to be sleepy but you two looked like the narcoleptics at the track.

PRIDE: I let you win. Only this time.

WRATH: You let them win? Is that why I got hit with like 3 green shells on Moo Moo Meadows when I was in the lead? (Turns away, holding anger in.)

PRIDE: The only person I would let beat me.

SLOTH: Oh. Well that doesn’t feel any good. Let's play again and show it wasn’t a fluke! (They begin playing for another 15 seconds.)

PRIDE: Uhm. 5th? I lost to the computers?

SLOTH: And Sloth reigns supreme!

WRATH: Oh COME ON. Second place?! I won the last race. Why don’t I get more points? It’s the most important race and it should be worth more!

(Light knocking on the door in a rhythmic pattern.)

SLOTH: It's Gluttony! (Runs to the door to open it.)