Season 3 Episode 7: Menace

00:03

ITME!!

00:10

CHELL

Nova, I have some papers that I need you to, like-

00:12

NOVA

(groans)

Oh my god, close the door.

00:15

CHELL

Like...what?

00:17

NOVA

Close the goddamn door. (door closes/wearily) Fuck. (Beat) What do you want, Chell?

00:25

CHELL

Like, why are the lights off?

00:28

NOVA

Because the sun's a fucking menace, why are you here?

00:32

CHELL

Did you (beat) did you crop your uniform?

00:37

NOVA

If you’re not going to answer the fucking question, leave.

00:40

CHELL

Nova!

00:41

NOVA

Oh my god.

00:42

CHELL

Are you, like, drunk, right now?

00:43

NOVA

I wish. No these are the fucking aftereffects of a really, really fun night out. I was drunk, but now I’m miserable.

00:52

CHELL

Did you even take a shower before showing up today?

00:55

NOVA

Do you know how hard it is to get the smell of an alley off your skin? An Eolaran alley, very clean, still a goddamn alley.

01:03

CHELL

And you left the palace!

01:05

NOVA

Chell, I am begging, begging you, to say your piece and leave. I’m already paying for my mistakes.

Chell scrapes a chair along the floor and sits

Fucking shit.

01:19

CHELL

(loudly)

Ah! Maybe I should take this opportunity to have a little chat.

01:23

NOVA

Fuck you.

01:26

CHELL

What was that?

01:27

NOVA

What the fuck to do want.

01:29

CHELL

Well, the uniform is looking a little tampered with.

01:32

NOVA

What are you gonna do? Fire me?

01:34

CHELL

Maybe. Showing up like this is, very unprofessional.

01:38

NOVA

Just love the sound of your own voice, don’t you?

01:40

CHELL

How did you know?

01:44

NOVA

Look, I’ve been sending out stacks of shit almost every day, in triplicate. Why the fuck does it matter what I wear?

01:52

CHELL

When you're wearing the uniform, you're representing the union.

01:56

NOVA

My entire existence here is a giant fuck you to the union.

02:04

Long pause

CHELL

Like, why are you here, Nova?

02:06

NOVA

To do some fucking paperwork. Are you done bothering me?

02:10

CHELL

You know what I mean. Why did you decide to ally yourself with the galactic union? Why, here?

02:17

NOVA

Paperwork, what else? I’ve literally done nothing but fill out your damn forms and go partying one time.

02:22

CHELL

Well (beat) yes, but

02:25

NOVA

Then what's the problem. I’m not in contact with anyone, my fucking android is the only thing I’ve brought with me. Hell, I haven’t even seen Pretty Boy since I got here.

02:36

CHELL

Ah...Pretty boy?

02:38

NOVA

(sighs)

The prince...Hatov.

02:45

CHELL

And you call him...pretty...boy?

02:49

NOVA

Yes, he’s pretty, he’s a boy, I wasn’t trying for any prizes.

02:52

CHELL

Please stop calling him that

02:54

NOVA

I’m asking why you’re bothering me about this today.

02:59

CHELL

Now seemed as good a time as any.

03:02

NOVA

It really isn’t. Every word you say is a fucking dagger in my skull. All you’re doing right now is earning a shit ton of resentment.

03:11

CHELL

I just wanted to know why you’re here. You don’t even like the Galactic Union

03:16

NOVA

Ever think that I just needed a steady job? Paperwork wooo

03:22

CHELL

But you don't even like us, and you've made it very clear

03:26

NOVA

I don’t have to like what feeds me.

03:27

CHELL

But you should at least pretend.

03:30

NOVA

(snorts)

Job security’s a bitch isn’t it. You can pretend all your little heart desires, but I don’t have to.

03:38

CHELL

I’m not pretending

03:42

NOVA

Shell

03:43

CHELL

You know it’s Chell.

03:45

NOVA

Yeah, whatever, your office is right by the medbay and you complain about headaches every day. You can say whatever you want, but your body is a damn awful liar.

03:57

CHELL

(sighs)

Like, what do you know about the Sunorix?

03:59

NOVA

(annoyed)

The what?

04:00

CHELL

The Sunorix, Nova.

04:02

NOVA

I have no idea what you’re saying

04:04

CHELL

I think you know, like, exactly what I’m talking about.

04:07

NOVA

Pretty sure I don’t

04:09

CHELL

(shouting)

I think you do!

04:10

NOVA

Fucking bitch. Look, honestly, I don’t have a fucking clue about the Sun-rex or whatever, okay> And if you insist on harassing me, I’m just going to go to bed.

04:24

CHELL

With all the really, really bright light, and lunch coming around soon?

04:31

NOVA

(groans, strained)

Yup. That’s (beat) that’s the plan.

04:34

CHELL

Nova.

04:36

NOVA

What?

04:36

CHELL

I, like, need that report by the end of the month.

04:38

NOVA

(sighing)

It’s on the desk.

04:41

CHELL

Wait? You finished it?

04:42

NOVA

(annoyed)

Yes, Shell, I’m a very fucking good employee. I’m not a prime example of “union excellence” or whatever, but I get shit done.

04:51

CHELL

(beat)

Oh.

04:52

NOVA

And I don’t think using my time off to get to know our neighbors is overstepping my boundaries.

04:56

CHELL

I (beat) I see.

04:58

NOVA

(coldly)

See you tomorrow, Chell.

04:59

CHELL

(picking up the papers, surprised)

Ah, yeah, yes, I (beat) like see you tomorrow.