What If World - 128 - What if villagers got treasures when they made mistakes

Podcast: What If World

Episode: 128: What if villagers got treasures when they made mistakes?

File Length: 00:19:28

Transcription by Keffy

[Rising harp scales followed by the What If World theme song.]

Lyrics: What if kittens played the glockenspiel? And what if unicorns were real? What if you could fly or travel back in time, we welcome you to What If World. What If World. This is What If World.

[Gentle bell music.]

Mr. Eric: Hey there folks, and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories. I’m Mr. Eric, your host, and today we’ve got a write-in question from a patron named Mason. He asked what if people could turn into puppies and what if bunk beds could fly? Very nice, Mason. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a flying bunk bed.

And we’re going to do one more patron question today from Susanna.

Susanna: My name is Susanna. I like power and my what if question is what if villagers got treasures when they made mistakes?

Mr. Eric: Whoa. I want to live in that village. Oh, and it sounds like we’ll all get to spend some time there, today.

Fair Elise: Just as soon as we’ve given a shout out to Sophie.

Mr. Eric: Oh, hey Fair Elise. I so seldom get to see you at the start of the show.

Fair Elise: Well, I am a mother and a detective and sometimes a magical healer, I suppose.

Mr. Eric: Yeah, you do have a lot of jobs.

Fred the Dog: Are you kidding? I have so many jobs. I’m president. I’m also Fredsident. I’ve got to give big shout outs to girls like Micah today who love me so much.

Mr. Eric: Hi, Micah. thank you.

Fred the Dog: And I still have to leave time for long, grumpy naps.

Mr. Eric: What’s a grumpy nap?

JF Kitty: It’s where he sleeps curled up in a ball and grumbles and yips a lot.

Mr. Eric: Oh, I know grumpy naps. Those are so cute.

Fred the Dog: They’re not cute. They’re essential to good government.

JF Kitty: I have to agree on that account. And I also have to shout out Claire Ann.

Mr. Eric: Don’t you mean Meow Out because you’re a cat?

JF Kitty: Purr… only cats are allowed to make that joke.

Mr. Eric: Oh, I’m so sorry.

JF Kitty: Just kidding.

Mr. Eric: Okay. Well, thank you, Claire Ann, Micah, and Sophie. Now, let’s find out what if villagers got treasures when they made mistakes and what if people could turn into puppies and bunk beds could fly.

[Rising harp scale.]

Mr. Eric: Zack and Zizi had just finished another year at the Observatorium and they were enjoying their summer vacation.

Zack: I’m not enjoying my summer vacation.

[Record scratch.]

Mr. Eric: Excuse me, they weren’t enjoying their summer… wait. Why not?

Zizi: Well, we’re both really mad. We’ve been practicing our magic powers for over a year now and we’ve hardly gotten any better.

Zack: Zizi, can’t I just practice a little bit. Like, in the house, maybe.

Zizi: It’s not allowed for kids to use magic outside a school. We could make a really unsafe mistake.

Mr. Eric: Besides, Zack and Zizi’s magic powers were still pretty limited.

Zack: Speak for yourself.

Mr. Eric: Well, Zack and Zizi’s powers were slightly less limited than my own because I don’t have any magic powers.

Zizi: That’s better.

Zack: Yeah, I can make beds fly. Well, bunk beds. At least I’m pretty sure I could but we don’t have a bunk bed and we live in a flying house so it’s kind of pointless.

Zizi: Are you kidding, Zack? That’s a great power. All I can do is turn people into puppies.

Zack: Wow! Do me!

Zizi: I haven’t really gotten the hang of turning them back into people again.

Mr. Eric: Zack and Zizi just needed some place to practice.

Zack: Yeah, like a village where it’s okay to make mistakes.

Zizi: Well, mistakes are always okay, it’s just the dangerous ones we have to be careful about.

Zack: Lalalalalalalala I just want a place where I can cast magic.

Mr. Eric: Suddenly, Howie House landed. Their rocket ship house sometimes had a mind of its own.

Howie: I always have a mind of my own.

Mr. Eric: Sorry, I know, Rocket Ship House… it’s just a figure of speech. Sheesh, everyone’s giving me the business, today.

Zack: Well, let’s go out and see where we’re living.

Zizi: Yeah, I don’t think Mr. Eric was gonna get around to describing it.

Mr. Eric: And so Zack and Zizi walked out of their house and found themselves in the middle of a sleepy village. Cottages of wood and stone with simple thatched roofs lined a hilly block leading up to a tree-lined park with the softest grass you’d ever seen.

Zizi: I’ve never been to a village like this before.

Mr. Eric: Said Zizi as she and Zack climbed the hill.

Zack: I think I see a sign up there.

Mr. Eric: Passing by quaint cottages and huts, the children found their way to the sign at the center of the town.

Zack: It says The Village of Mistake.

Zizi: Only “Mistake” was spelled wrong.

Zack: Yeah, but somebody crossed out the extra S.

Zizi: Ooh, and there’s a town slogan. It says, “Do no wrong.”

Zack: Oh, but they spelled “no” wrong.

Zizi: Yeah, they spelled it like K-N-O-W, like the know as in knowledge.

Zack: Oh, but someone crossed that out and just wrote “N-O” above it.

Zizi: Yeah, but then it looks like someone else scratched that out and drew a question mark at the end, so I guess it reads “Do wrong?”

Petey the Pirate: N’arr, it should say, “Where every mistake gets a treasure.”

Mr. Eric: And Petey the Pirate scribbled on the sign with a marker and wrote his slogan.

Petey the Pirate: No, I mean, where every mistake is a treasure.

Mr. Eric: And then he scribbled out his own scribbles.

Petey the Pirate: No, no no, that’s confusing.

Mr. Eric: And he took out a different colored marker and scribbled over the whole thing.

Woman: Wow, you’ve made my once beautiful sign into a confusing jumble of nonsense and spelling errors.

Petey the Pirate: Oh, I’m sorry. My mistake, eh?

Mr. Eric: A short woman with reading glasses had approached the three of them and was giving Petey the Pirate an unreadable stare.

Woman: Now I can make an even better sign. I’m so excited.

Petey the Pirate: Y’arr, you’re welcome.

Woman: Please, take this treasure chest full of quarters I was about to spend at the arcade. I’ve got to get back to work.

Mr. Eric: And the woman dropped a chest of quarters at their feet and walked back to their cottage.

Zack: Um, who was she?

Petey the Pirate: I have no idea! The sign lady, I guess.

Zizi: Well, if they don’t mind you ruining their town’s sign, then it’s got to be okay for us to practice our magic powers.

Mr. Eric: Zizi jumped for joy and took out her wand. But Zack already had his wand in hand.

Zack: Me, first! Me, first!

Mr. Eric: Zack hustled to one big stone house at the edge of the park. Kind of looked like a little castle, to be honest, and through a giant bay window, they could see into this little castle house’s bedroom. And what kind of bed do you think was there?

Petey the Pirate: Oh, I know, I know!

Mr. Eric: Of course you know, Petey, you can see it.

Petey the Pirate: Oh, sorry.

Mr. Eric: And what kind of–

Petey the Pirate: It’s a bunk bed!

Mr. Eric: Petey! I was trying to get the listeners to–

Zack: Okay, steady bunk bed, float steady.

Mr. Eric: Zack was already levitating the bunk bed. He had to carefully maneuver the bed knob so it could hook around the handle to the bay window and gently slide it open, when, it nudged a nearby lamp!

Zizi: Zack, look out!

Zack: I’ve got it, I’ve got it!

Mr. Eric: And with a flick of his wand, Zack nudged the bunk bed just in time so the mattress caught the lamp ever so gently.

Petey the Pirate: You’re doing it, my boy! Ya opened the bay window. Now you can fly that bunk bed right into the sky.

Zack: I did it! I did it!

Mr. Eric: And indeed, Zack had flown that bunk bed safely out of the stone bedroom. But when he jumped for joy…

Zizi: Oh, Zack!

Mr. Eric: The bunk bed smashed right through the other side of the bay window!

Zack: Ooh, I’ll pay for that.

Mr. Eric: Said Zack, struggling to get control of the bunk bed as it broke every lamp in the bedroom.

Petey the Pirate: Y’arr, who has that many lamps, anyway.

Zack: Okay, I can fix this, I can fix this!

Mr. Eric: And the bunk bed flew up, bursting through two stories of ceilings and a roof to blast out into the night sky.

Zizi: Oh boy, Zack. I think this was too big of a mistake.

Ominous Voice: Hahaha!

Petey the Pirate: Yeah, sorry kids. I’m going to the arcade.

Zizi: Petey!

Zack: Petey…

Ominous Voice: Hahahaha.

Mr. Eric: And materializing before them, a hundred squeaking bats turned into a tall, gaunt, caped figure.

Zizi: Cackula!

Zack: Cackula…

Cackula : Hahaha! That was so funny how you destroyed half of my house. Hahaha.

Zack: I’m really sorry.

Cackula : What, are you kidding? It was a bad idea for a vampire to have a bunk bed anyway.

Zizi: Oh, that’s a good point.

Cackula : And I put it right by a big bay window. I would have been ash by morning.

Zack: Are you trying to say…

Cackula : You children saved me with your thoughtless, dangerous mistake. How can I ever repay you?

Mr. Eric: And Cackula’s old bunk bed crash landed right in front of them.

Cackula : I know! You can have my flying bunk bed. There’s a bunch of old treasure and dessert pizzas stuffed under the mattress. But you can just throw those away.

Mr. Eric: And Cackula turned back into a swarm of bats and flew off into the night.

Zizi: Wow, Petey was right! We get a treasure for every mistake.

Petrina: Hello, children. I’ve been looking for my friend Petey the Pirate.

Mr. Eric: It was none other than Petrina the Pirate holding up a lamp and squinting at them through the darkness.

Petrina: He and I are late for our Monday night game of–

Zizi: Bam! You’re a puppy!

Mr. Eric: Zizi had turned Petrina the Pirate into a…

Petrina: Oh! I’m young again! And a puppy again!

Zack: You used to be a puppy?

Petrina: That’s right! Me name used to be Petrina the Puppy the Pirate. It was so long ago I’d completely forgotten.

Zizi: So you just stopped being a puppy one day?

Petrina: Here’s some treasure, got to run!

Mr. Eric: And Petrina the Puppy the Pirate nudged over her big magical lamp with her nose. It was gilded gold and covered in runes and the light within shone gentle and harmless, like a magic, flame-less fluorescence. Then Petrina the Puppy the Pirate was off to roll around in the soft grass of the park.

Zizi: Zack, do you know what this means?

Zack: It means we can practice our powers as much as we want!

Zizi: And we’re just gonna keep getting more stuff!

Mr. Eric: Zack and Zizi leapt atop their treasure stuffed bunk bed.

Zizi: I call top bunk!

Zack: Ah, man.

Mr. Eric: And they munched on dessert pizzas while trying on their new golden necklaces and bracelets and flying all over town making a commotion!

Petey was busy pumping quarters into an arcade game.

Petey the Pirate: Not just any game… Whack a Cthunkle!

Cthunkle: Ow. Stop it. Ooh. You’ve got me. I will devour your planet.

Mr. Eric: When he heard a bunch of crashes and barks sounding outside.

Petey the Pirate: Yo-ho… maybe it was a mistake to leave them children out there to make mistakes. Ooh, but if so, I’ve got a treasure coming my way.

Mr. Eric: And Petey grabbed his chest full of quarters and rushed out the door.

Cthunkle: Does anyone have a slimy ice pack?

Mr. Eric: It was the dead of night and this village was anything but sleepy. Zack and Zizi were flitting around, flanked by a fleet of flying bunk beds! And every bunk bed was piled high with treasure, and Zizi was turning people into puppies left and right!

Zack: Whoops! Sorry!

Zizi: Whoops! Thanks for the treasure.

Zack: Oh, I didn’t mean to!

Zizi: Well, we kind of did, but it’s okay because it’s the Village of Mistake!

Petey the Pirate: Eh, maybe it’s time to get out of here.

Mr. Eric: And Petey, his chest of quarters jingling in his hands, started running towards his rocket pirate ship house. He saw a puppy that looked like Petrina.

Petey the Pirate: Oh no, they got you!

Mr. Eric: And then he saw a puppy that looked like the sign lady.

Petey the Pirate: Oh, those little glasses are so cute!

Mr. Eric: Petey…

Petey the Pirate: I mean, oh, no, they got you, too!

Mr. Eric: And he even saw puppies that looked like Mamma Jamma and Poppa Loo!

Mamma Jamma: Oh, I’m gonna sleep in so late tomorrow!

Poppa Loo: And after I read my newspaper, I’m gonna pee on it!

Mr. Eric: Petey the Pirate looked down at the treasure in his hands and around at the puppies on the ground, and up high at the kids and bunk beds in the sky.

Petey the Pirate: Y’arreka! Zack! Zizi! I finally get it!

Zack: Huh?

Zizi: Sorry, I put in these diamond ear plugs! You’ll have to speak up.

Petey the Pirate: I finally understand. No amount of wealth can bring us happiness.

Zizi: Who’s Gus Sappiness?

Petey the Pirate: No, I’m trying to tell ya, the real treasure of the Village of Mistake is… y’arrp, ye can have me treasure, I have a whole village of puppy friends now!

Mr. Eric: And Petey, half tripping over himself with his clumsy puppy legs, ran toward the park, his treasure trove of quarters forgotten.

Zack: Well, I think that’s everyone.

Zizi: You mean, the whole village is puppies?

Zack: Yeah, except the puppies. They turned into flying bunk beds for some reason. Get off me, bunky!

Zizi: So… what do we do, now?

Mr. Eric: And Zack slowly guided their flying bunk bed back down to the ground.

Zack: Uh… maybe we should practice setting things back to normal?

Zizi: What, why? Everyone’s happier now. They gave us all their treasure, and we’ve got flying bunk bed puppies.

Zack: But you’re my big sister. You’re supposed to fix our mistakes.

Zizi: Just because I’m older doesn’t mean I have all the answers. And I don’t know if I can turn them back. So I just kept making more people into puppies. I thought I’d get better at it, but I just keep making more mistakes.

Zack: Well, what are we supposed to do?

Zizi: I don’t know, Zack. Sometimes a big sister just needs her little brother.

Zack: Okay, Zizi, okay. Well, we came here to get better at our powers, but we just got a bunch of shiny treasure for all our mistakes.

Zizi: Yeah. But if everyone in the village gets treasure for their mistakes then why isnt it all gold houses and platinum lamp posts?

Zack: Maybe these people like different kinds of treasures like donuts or Legos.

Zizi: Different kinds of treasures… oh, Zack! You’ve got it.

Zack: Oh, yeah! I always wanted to do that thing where I say something and then it makes someone else realize something else.

Zizi: You just did! I know how to fix everything.

Mr. Eric: And Zizi ran up the hill with Zack at her heels, going straight towards that pile of puppies rolling around or napping on the grass as the sun slowly rose over the Village of Mistake.

Zizi: Petrina the Puppy the Pirate! What’s your biggest mistake?

Petrina: I never took enough time for meself.

Zizi: Poppa Loo the Puppy, what’s your biggest mistake?

Poppa Loo: Thinking I knew it all, even though I know at most 99% of things.

Zizi: Cackula pe-packula, what’s your biggest mistake?

Cackula : Driving away my friends with all my bad jokes. Woof woof woof.

Zack: They’ve all made mistakes. And they know what their mistakes are.

Zizi: Yeah, Zack. And what do you think their treasure is?

Zack: Um… getting to be puppies?

Petey the Pirate: You’re absolutely right! Arr arr arr arr!

Mr. Eric: And Zizi raised both her hands high, pointing her wand toward the pile of puppies, and concentrating as hard as she could.

Zack: You can do it, Zizi!

Mamma Jamma: Wait, wait! What are you doing?

Petey the Pirate: We like being this way.

Poppa Loo: Oh, I just finished catching my tail!

Mr. Eric: And Zack raised his wand, too, bringing all the bunk beds and bunk bed puppies back to their homes. And as the first rays of sunlight hit the soft grass of the park on top of the hill, Zack and Zizi saw a bunch of people in pajamas instead of a pile of puppies.

Petey the Pirate: I’ve got to take a nap.

Poppa Loo: Oh, Mamma Jamma, where are we?

Mamma Jamma: Oh, I don’t know. Let’s just go home.

Mr. Eric: And they all started sleep walking back to their homes.

Zack: Zizi, awesome job!

Zizi: Thank you, Zack. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Zack: But why’d we put them back to normal?

Zizi: Well, just think about it. If we became babies again or puppies, our little baby puppy brains would forget everything we learned from all of our mistakes.

Zack: Are you saying the real treasure of our mistakes is getting to learn from them?

Zizi: Yep.

Zack: Aw… I think I’d rather have the treasure.

Zizi: [Laughs]

Zack: But I shouldn’t always make you be the big sister.

Mr. Eric: And Zack started levitating all the treasures he and Zizi had collected that night back to their owners.

Zizi: Hey, Zack, that’s a new power!

Zack: Oh, I guess you’re right!

Zizi: Just one treasure left.

Mr. Eric: Said Zizi, pointing at the half full chest of quarters levitating hesitantly outside the sign lady’s door. And then the short, sleepy woman burst out of that door holding a big, new sign.

Woman: Oh, I want you two children to keep that last treasure. After all, you helped me come up with a slogan for my new sign.

Mr. Eric: And she took down the scribbled up old Village of Mistake sign and put up a beautiful freshly painted new one with a brand new slogan.

Zizi: Make mistakes and learn from them.

Zack: I like it. Especially the border.

Woman: Yes, I was inspired to paint a bunch of puppies on bunk beds all around the sign by a very strange dream I had last night.

Zack: Oh, that wasn’t a–

Zizi: Zack.

Zack: Wow, that sounds like a really weird dream. Haha. Ooh, well, gotta run.

Mr. Eric: The end.

[Falling harp scale.]

Mr. Eric: Well, Mason and Susanna, I hope you enjoyed your story. I’d like to thank Karen O’Keeffe, my co-creator, Craig Martinson for our theme song, my sister Melissa, for being the best big sister a little brother could hope for, and all you kids at home who know it’s okay to make mistakes as long as you’re brave enough to learn from them.

Until we meet again, keep wondering.

[What If World theme plays.]