Dimension 20 Season 1
Fantasy High
Starring: Brennan Lee Mulligan as Dungeon Master
Emily Axford as Fig Faeth; Zac Oyama as Gorgug Thistlespring;
Siobhan Thompson as Adaine Abernant; Lou Wilson as Fabian Seacaster;
Ally Beardsley as Kristen Applebees; and Brian “Murph” Murphy as Riz Gukgak
Episode 12: The Sisterly Showdown
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[PREVIOUSLY ON FANTASY HIGH]
Brennan: You absolutely get the sense that Coach Daybreak was the brains of the operation as far as the Harvestmen were concerned.
Ally: Wow.
Brennan: Your lives at Aguefort completely change. The seniors all stop making fun of you.
Gorthalax: I also got a job offer here in town.
Fig: You should definitely take the job here! What is it? Coach at Aguefort?
Gorthalax: How'd you know?
Brennan: A beautiful elven young woman walks in.
Elf: [cocky, arrogant] Party is getting started, bam.
Fabian: Oh I love you.
Fig: You aren’t Adaine's sister, are you?
Aelwyn: Aelwyn Abernant in the flesh.
[cast exclaims]
Kristen: You just kissed Adaine’s sister!
Fabian: Fuck yes.
Brennan: A spell you don't recognize is cast.
Aelwyn: Goodbye, Ostentatia.
Murph: Break it.
Siobhan: Break down the door.
Murph: Bust in the door.
Siobhan: I use Freeze.
Brennan: Ostentatia is sucked in the palimpsest.
Adaine: [with venom] You fucking cunt.
[END RECAP]
Brennan: Welcome back to Fantasy High. My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan, these are our intrepid heroes. Say hi, intrepid heroes.
All: Hi, intrepid heroes.
Brennan: They're still doing it and we still love it. Guys, last we left off. We were at old 69420 Spelljammer Lane at a party.
Ally sticks their tongue out and waggles their hands with their thumb and pinky out in a shaka sign. Lou sticks his tongue out, and Zac does the same hand gesture.
Murph: Sick.
Brennan: Sick.
Emily: I didn't get that at first.
Brennan: [with a congested British affectation] For the Hudol Hellions, the team of the Hudol College of the Arcane Arts, this sports party has some unlikely sports-goers but a group of Aguefort cheerleaders have showed up along with Aelwyn Abernant. We have rolled initiative. Riz, you are the first to act. Let me know what it is you would like to do.
Brennan removes the roof and first floor of the model house of the set to reveal character minis in different configurations in different rooms of the house, then places them in front of the cast.
All: Oooh.
Ally: Oh my goodness.
Lou: Wow wow wow.
Ally: Now we can see, no.
Zac: What?
Ally: What?!
[rock and roll party music plays, electric guitars and drums]
Brennan: You can see that Adaine and Riz are on the second story looking in at Aelwyn who has just pocketed the Palimpsest with Ostentatia Wallace inside it.
Murph: Cool. I am going to roll on in and I'm gonna try to get, does she get an opportunity attack if I like, go past her over here?
Brennan: If you leave with threatened range, yes.
Murph: She just gets like a melee attack?
Brennan: That's correct.
Murph: She's a wizard. Sure. Take your swing.
Brennan: Does a 15 hit.
Murph: [two thumbs up] Sure does.
Brennan: She slices you for 8 points of damage.
Murph: Cool, that's more than I would have liked.
[laughing]
Brennan: As you rush out thinking, like okay here's this like party, you see that [whips] a sliver mercury like liquid dagger appears in her hand and she slashes you across the cheek as you run.
Emily: How do you feel about that, Fabian?
Lou: That's hot.
Murph: So yeah.
Lou: That's very hot.
Murph: So I run over by the bed.
Emily: [pointing] Is it in here, the bedroom or the bathroom that they were?
Murph: We're in the bedroom.
Emily: Oh I thought, okay, sorry.
Brennan: You guys are in the second story bedroom, yes.
Ally: You thought they followed her to the bathroom?
Murph: So I run over to try to get out of the same spell range as Adaine and then I'm gonna use my, or yeah, I'll go as back, as far back as I can.
Brennan: Cool.
Murph: By this bed.
Brennan: Cool.
Murph: And then I'm gonna use my inquisitive, or my Insightful Fighting to try to get a read on her, so I guess--
Brennan: She rolls Deception, correct?
Murph: Yep.
Brennan: You gotta beat a, you just have to beat a 9.
Murph: Oh sweet, I have a plus 8, so and I got a nat 1, so I get a 9.
Brennan: Nat 1’s an automatic failure, my man. Here’s the problem. Aelwyn Abernant is alive with arcane energy and a confidence that makes you feel truly uncomfortable to the core of your being.
Murph: Cool, then I have to just shoot her.
[Siobhan laughs]
Murph: 20 to hit.
Brennan: 20’s going to hit. Go ahead and roll damage.
Murph: Cool. Just regular--
Emily: Wow. Shooting a teenager.
Zac: Oh god.
Murph: Oh my god. 5 damage.
Brennan: You deal 5 points of damage.
Murph: Yeah.
Brennan: You see that you draw your gun as it goes right for her head, a circling miasma of runic patterns, [whooshing and buzzing sounds] goes in front of it. You notice that your bullet does crack the runic patterns, it appears to damage them.
Murph: Okay. She's got like temp, she's got some temp HP or something.
Brennan: That is now going to be Aelwyn's turn.
Siobhan: I would like to cast Dispel Magic on my bitch of a sister.
Brennan: I know you want to but it Aelwyn's turn.
Siobhan: Oh, it’s Aelwyn's turn. Fuck!
[laughing]
Zac: I'm glad that even you get it confused.
Siobhan: It's confusing, all of our names sound very similar and that's my parents’ fault.
Ally: I can't imagine having a sister.
Lou: In life?
Ally: It would be really confusing for me.
[laughing]
Murph: Just--
Siobhan: I mean you’re not attracted to your sibling.
Ally: Of course not. I don't know. They're just like, sisters do like cute things like fix each others hair and I think I--
Siobhan: That's not true of me and my sister.
Ally: No?
Emily: That’s definitely not true of me and my sister.
Lou: Definitely not true of me and my sister.
Siobhan: I guess I dyed my sister's hair pink. Does that count?
Ally: That’s kinda cool. I don't mean sexually confused, I just think there would just have been more femininity in my life growing up and I just would have been--
Siobhan: Then your very gay brother?
Brennan: Riz, you take--
Ally: Yeah. My gay brother's very effeminate.
Brennan: You take 13 points of fire damage as--
Murph: Is that attack spell or is it a range?
Brennan: It is an attack spell.
Murph: Okay, so I'm gonna use Uncanny Dodge to take half.
Brennan: Okay, cool. She whips around, you are Fire Bolted for a 13, so that would be 6 points of damage and Aelwyn vanishes.
Ally: What?
Murph: She's invisible.
Zac hands Brennan Aelwyn’s mini.
Brennan: Thank you.
Zac: You're welcome.
[calm music with a steady drumbeat plays]
Brennan: Gorgug's turn. You're just like playing your drums out here, you hear an explosion from upstairs.
Zac: Okay.
Brennan: You hear a gunshot and then an explosion.
Zac: Can I make it an Insight check or a Perception check?
Brennan: Yeah make an Insight check, yeah go for it.
Zac: Nat 1.
Murph: Oh my god.
Ally: This gonna be a long one.
Murph: Zac, your dad made that explosion, man.
[laughing]
Brennan: You're not proud of this.
Zac mimes drumming steadily with a contemplative look on his face.
Brennan: But you've been struggling with this for so long that momentarily it occurs to you that there's a possibility, however slim, that you are your own dad.
[laughing]
Zac’s facial expression shifts a few times as his drumming slows to a stop.
Fig: Why’d you stop playing, dude?
Gorgug: [terrified] Am I my own dad?!
[laughing]
Gorgug: Did I go back in time?
Fig: I guess like, if you need to be.
Brennan: You may hold your action if you'd like or you can just say that Gorgug loses this action.
Zac: I mean, I'll be ready to attack.
Brennan: If anything like charges at you?
Zac: Yeah I feel weird so I-
Brennan: Cool. You guys see, Fabian you hear a noise behind you as you see one of the cheerleaders strides out and goes,
Cheerleader: Where are you going?
Brennan: You suddenly, all six of you feel [electric whirring sounds] one of the beer pong balls freezes in midair. You see that the dog going for the hamburgers over on the grill freezes with its mouth [snarls] just on them. All of you are still moving and the cheerleaders are moving. You see everything else has frozen in time. Make an Arcana check for me, by the way.
A clock ticking can be heard throughout Brennan’s narration becoming lower in pitch with each tick. It starts just after the magical whirring noises and slows to a stop throughout his lines.
Ally: All of us?
Siobhan: Uhhhh. 15.
Brennan: You saw your sister take a silvery pocket watch out of her pants as she teleported away. [whooshes]That is, Fabian, this elemental comes running out at you. I'm going to need you to make a--
Fabian: Hey, I'm looking for your friend.
Brennan: You see she says,
Cheerleader: [vapid] What? Tell me more about that.
Brennan: Wham! [swirling noises] And it's just going to attack you.
Fabian: [hurt] Oh.
Brennan: What's your armor class?
Lou: 19.
Brennan: I don't know how to describe what just happened, I just rolled two natural 1’s at the same time.
Murph: There's been four 1’s this fight.
Brennan: Already.
Ally: And some of us haven't even gone yet. Oh my god.
Brennan: The odds of two natural 1’s occurring on the same roll with two dice is truly astounding. You do not have to make a saving throw against whatever this thing's ability is. The cheerleader [whips] erupts into this like shadowy nighttime vortex whirlwind. You see that this cheerleader who is sort of swimming in the pool going,
Cheerleader: What? Aww. Hi, my name's River. Tell me more about that.
Brennan: Rushes out of the pool for Gorgug. You can go ahead and take a swing.
Zac: Okay. I got, oh, that's 16.
Brennan: 16 hits.
Zac: Hell yeah.
Murph: Sweet.
Zac: Good thing my great ax is oiled with some sort of magic. [laughs] So that is a d12 plus, I'm not Raging, unfortunately, so that's only, 7 points of damage. And I don't get to take my other attacks, right?
Brennan: No, just the one.
Zac: Can I go into a Rage as I attack?
Brennan: Yeah you can go into a Rage as you attack, yeah.
Zac: Okay, cool. So that would be 2 plus 7, so that's 9 instead.
Brennan: 9, cool. 9 damage. You see that your ax glows and the like tin flower on your leather holster glows bright and you just hear voice saying like,
Digby: When you get mad, it's okay to stick up for your friends.
[slashing and splashing noises]
Gorgug: Thanks, Dad.
[laughing]
Brennan: This water elemental takes some swings at you, hits two times and deals first, 8 points of damage, halved to 4, and then 11 points of damage, halved to 5.
Zac: Okay. But so, but this type of damage is halved?
Brennan: This type of damage is halved. It’s just whacking at you.
Zac: Okay.
Brennan: Huge watery fists. Cheerleader is still like, has this like face this like, smiling and happy but her limbs get grotesque and like giant whirlpools of water. Her legs become this torrent [splashing sounds] of raging just mud and grass and things swept up into the whirlpool of her body. You see that is now going to be Kristen, that's your turn. You're making out with a cheerleader and you can see as the time thing stops you see that, [grunting] [stone crumbling sounds] your cheerleader starts to become like rocky and earthen as you make out with her.
Ally: Okay, I say,
Kristen: How did you come out to your parents?
Cheerleader: [roars]
[laughing]
Brennan: Do you want to hold an action or you think Kristen loses her action?
Ally: What do you mean?
Brennan: Do you want to like get, do you want to do something right now, cause thing is like rearing back to hit you?
Ally: Oh yeah, definitely. I am going to-- [vocalizing] Who is around me? It's just me in that room, right?
Murph: Oh yeah, you're--
Zac: I guess you--
Siobhan: Are you inside?
Zac: Yeah we're out here. Where is Fabian?
Lou: I’m in the hallway.
Zac: Yeah you can't see any of us.
Murph: You can do your Spirit Guardian.
Ally: Yeah. Yeah cool. I'll cast Spirit Guardians.
Brennan: Dope, hell yeah. Make sure that card’s ready and remind me, cause I think it's on their turn, right, that it does stuff?
Ally: Yeah.
Brennan: Cool. So just make sure to remind me about that. Keep me honest, cool? Great, Kristen casts Spirit Guardians.
Ally: And then I can run or?
Brennan: Yeah you can move if you like.
Ally: Okay yeah, I would like to get to kind of like a central location. Can I like, get to like, the stairs or something or like that?
Brennan: Sure, you can run out here. You see that there's an elemental in your way out here, you can see Fabian on the other side.
Ally: Oh maybe I'll go to those stairs, like the outside stairs.
Brennan: Oh the outside stairs.
Ally: Like just to be on the porch if people need to run by me.
Brennan: Dope, okay cool. Yeah you see an elemental attacking Gorgug out on the lawn. As this weird like [vocalizing], you see that like, a couple little drops of a light drizzle are like, [whirring] falling about that fast as you guys fight. Now these guys go. This one. Moves over here and is going to take some swings at Gorgug. [laughs]
Zac: [whisper shouts]
Brennan: That's gonna hit both times. What's your armor class?
Zac: 14.
Brennan: 14. Yeah, it’s gonna hit both times. You take first 16 damage, halved to 8, and then 12 damaged, halved to 6. So 8 and then 6 damage.
Ally: Oh, I made a mistake on this Spirit Guardians. I'm supposed to claim who in my sight it doesn't affect. Is that cool?
Brennan: That's totally cool.
Ally: Okay, cool.
Brennan: You--
Ally: So obviously I'll do like Fig and Gorgug.
Zac: Damn.
Brennan: Dope.
Zac: That’s-- Taking some hits.
Brennan: That's going to now be Fig.
Emily: Okay. I would like to cast Fear on these two girls, on these two cheerleaders, cheerleading elementals.
Brennan: Dope, they do a Wisdom saving throw for that. What's the DC on that Wisdom saving throw?
Emily: 16.
Brennan: Damn. You see that you, [whirs] your infernal, your eyes light up with fire and they both go,
Cheerleaders: What? You're weird.
Brennan: And start to flee from you.
Emily: Ha ha!
Ally: Hell yeah.
Siobhan: Sick.
Emily: Oh and I also, and then I turn around at Gorgug and I wink at him.
[ding]
Gorgug: What?
Ally: hell yeah.
Brennan: A little Bardic Inspiration.
Gorgug: That was Bardic Inspiration right?
Fig: Or was it? What do you think? Read into it.
Gorgug: I don't know.
Brennan: This fire elemental comes charging for Kristen. What's your armor class, Kristen?
Ally: 18.
Brennan: That's one hit. You take, 4, sorry you take 7 points of fire damage and you also catch on fire as this cheerleader goes [searing whoosh].
Murph: The cheerleader has to do a Wisdom saving throw for Spirit Guardians.
Emily: For her Spirit Guardians, ‘cause she entered her Spirit Guardians.
Brennan: Rad, makes a Wisdom saving throw. Fails that Wisdom saving throw.
Murph: Three d8 radiant damage.
Ally: [holding up their dice] Cool. Three eights?
Murph: Yep.
Ally: Dope, 16.
Brennan: 16 points of damage, awesome.
Ally: I have a question. They, my, my Guardians show up as angelic, fey, or fiendish depending on who I am and I don't know who I am, so what do they look like?
Brennan: You see that, a group of phantasmal academic religious authors appear around you.
[laughing]
Brennan: You see they're sort of an older, bearded dwarven guy, and there's like a sort of fashionable eccentric looking older elven woman and [poofs] their like, little tweed patches.
Guardian: [French accent] It seems that in the light of our quest for freedom that we are condemned to eternally search. [shouts]
Brennan: Fist goes through this elemental’s head.
Guardian: It is the questions not the answers that make the thinker.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Brennan: That elemental looks badly hurt.
Ally: This is insanely accurate.
[laughs]
Brennan: Another fire being. Roars out from the kitchen and attacks Fabian.
Lou: Oh well, I guess.
Brennan: What is your armor class, my good man?
Lou: 19.
Brennan: 19. That's going to hit only one time. You take 12 points of fire damage and also catch on fire.
Emily: Do you guys want to like, shout anything in Elvis, Elvish or anything like that?
Siobhan: I mean, if they're at Hudol, they all speak Elvish.
Brennan: That's now going to be
Lou: They're all frozen in time.
Brennan: Fabian, that's your turn. You take an additional 2 points of fire damage.
Lou: Okay.
Ally: Maybe telling us that she disappeared or something.
Emily: Yeah I guess that's what I'm saying. Like maybe just alert us that happened.
Lou: I uh, so I'm on fire.
Brennan: Fully on fire.
Lou: Is there a way to put, can I go--
Ally: I can help you.
Lou: But I don't know, I guess like can I run-- Can I run and jump in the pool?
Brennan: You may absolutely run and jump in the pool.
Lou: Okay great. That's my, I think my first thought is, that I summon the Hangman, cause Aelwyn is clearly in trouble and we have to do something to impress her
Siobhan: [mumbling under her breath] I’m like, gonna fucking kill you.
Lou: But my second thought is that I need to put myself out.
Brennan: You need to put yourself out. Yes, go for it. You go to put yourself out. You call the Hangman. You hear in your mind the Hangman say,
Hangman: Master, I come to you now.
Brennan: The, and now it’s your movement, right?
Lou: Yeah.
Brennan: One, two, three, four, five, six. So unfortunately if you wanted to have the pool this turn, you're gonna have to let that elemental get a swing on you.
Lou: I'll take the swing.
Brennan: And that fire elemental as well.
[Lou laughs]
Murph: How much damage did you take from the fire?
Lou: Just 2.
Murph: Cool.
Lou: Let's treat it as a disengage, then. I won't get in the pool this turn.
Brennan: Okay cool. You fully disengage, you get the fuck out of there. That's going to be Adaine's turn.
Siobhan: Can I do an Arcana check to see what spell it was that my bitch sister used to get the fuck out of there?
Brennan: You absolutely may. Make an Arcana check.
Siobhan: Great. Oh uh. 14?
Brennan: 14’s gonna do it. 10 plus the spell level. She used a spell called Misty Step which is only a 30 foot teleportation.
Emily: Oh, she used a fucking teleportation.
Siobhan: Teleportation.
Murph: 30, she's not far, though.
Siobhan: Yeah, uh. Okay.
Murph We're up by a window, right? Probably look out the window.
Siobhan: We are by a window. I would like to cast Blink. So when I, at the end of each turn I roll and if I hit an 11 or higher I Blink into the Ethereal plane until my next turn.
Brennan: Awesome. Dope as hell.
Siobhan: Great. So I, I tell Riz,
Adaine: She's teleporting, she could turn up back anywhere in this room, you should fucking hide.
Riz: Okay.
Siobhan: She can't, when she's teleporting, can she see what's going on in the room?
Brennan: The spell that you know she just cast is an emergency bail out. It is not a powerful teleportation. It's a quick ‘get me 30 feet away from here’ and it can't go farther than 30 feet and it's not something she can do forever.
Riz: I think we gotta find her.
Siobhan: Yeah we got to find her.
Riz: I think she's running.
Brennan: Cool, that's as much conversation that you guys can do right now. Adaine casts Blink. [whirring] And you begin to pierce through the veils of multidimensional reality. Good school work this year on your spellcasting. Go ahead and roll.
Siobhan: 15.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Brennan: Adaine fucking vanishes.
Siobhan holds her hands up with an excited and slightly smug look on her face.
[whooshing tonal music plays]
Brennan: You are standing in a strange gauzy, glassy, misty version of this in the ethereal plane. The house is permeable. The walls and floors and ceilings are all permeable to you and you can see vague outlines of creatures but there's no obvious of your sister here.
Siobhan: She can go up or down?
Brennan: Teleport can go in any direction.
Siobhan: Okay, so I, I'm just gonna spend my entire time between my this turn and the next turn like checking on this floor and the floor below me to see what's going on.
Siobhan moves her hands up and down as she ducks her head down, miming looking between floors.
Brennan: Okay, so you're basing, go ahead and make a Perception check.
Siobhan: Yeah. Uh, 21.
Brennan: You eagle eye looking for some trace. The Ethereal plane is full of runes moving around, deep little whips of little magical things. [magical pulsing] You are scanning, looking through the matrix of the fucking Ethereal plane like, “Where are you, where are you, where are you?” We move now to the last of the elementals to go. Earth elemental comes out to Kristen takes two swings at you. Hits you for 7 points of damage.
Ally: Alright.
Brennan: It goes,
Cheerleader: [shouts] What?
[laughs]
Zac: [pointing] This one right here.
Murph: Wisdom saving throw for that one.
Ally: Yeah.
Murph: That just attacked Kristen.
Emily: Yeah Wisdom saving throw ‘cause it got in the Spirit Guardians.
Brennan: [gooshing and burbling noises] The slime cheerleader comes around the side doing a double move action. Wisdom saving throw. Not successful.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Murph: It’s three d8s.
Ally: Alright.
Murph: Come on.
Ally: 7, 2 and 2. Alright, 11.
Brennan: 11 damage?
Kristen: Yeah, and I'm on fire. Does that add anything extra to me? Like in a bad way, any extra damage?
Lou: I'm on fire.
Brennan: It does at the beginning of your turn, yes.
Ally: Okay cool.
Brennan: See one of, another professor says,
Guardian: [wistfully] Well, we think, therefore you die!
[laughing]
Brennan: Clocks the earth elemental. You feel strangely comforted by these ghostly philosophers surrounding you.
Kristen: [whispering sadly] Yeah, we're all asking the big questions.
[laughing]
Brennan: That is now going to be back to Riz.
Murph: Cool. In, let me look at the window and can I do a Perception check to see if I can see Aelwyn?
Brennan: Yes, which window d’you want to look out of?
Murph: [pointing] The one right there that I'm next to.
Brennan: Right there? Go for it.
Murph: Fucking 9.
Brennan: Aelwyn's right down there casting a spell, dude.
Murph: Wait, what?
Brennan: You look out the window.
Murph: She's literally outside?
Brennan: Aelwyn is down on the fucking patio casting a spell.
Murph: I'm gonna jump out the window with my rapier out and just try to stab her in the head.
Brennan: Go for it.
[laughing]
Murph: Or I guess I'll try to do my Insightful Fighting.
Brennan: Yeah go for it.
Murph: Okay, I'm gonna look down on her, try to get a read on her. That's going to be a 24.
Brennan: That succeeds.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Murph: Cool, okay. Just attack. Do I get advantage when I jump on somebody from a higher thing?
Brennan: I think, well you already have advantage from the insightful, right?
Murph: Alright, yeah. I'm just hoping to hit. See cause that's not gonna do it, 12.
Brennan: A 12 does not hit but do you roll advantage from Insightful or just gives you your Sneak Attack?
Murph: It just gives me my Sneak Attack, but I thought by--
Brennan: I'll say you get advantage from the jump.
Murph: Thanks for humoring me.
Ally: Aye.
Murph: Sweet, 21.
Emily: Ooh!
Brennan: That will do it.
Murph: Murph: Okay.
Riz: Your sister's out here. I don't know where you went. You wizards are tricky.
Ally: Hey.
Murph: 8, 12, 16. 20 damage. And I’m also gonna do Fury of the Small to do another six, 26 damage.
Brennan: 26 damage.
Ally: Fuck yeah.
Adaine: Yes bitch, fuck her up.
Kristen: Where did that sound come from?
Brennan: You uh, [glass shatters] bam! You crash through her runic ward and slice across her arm.
Aelwyn: Ah fuck! You little fucking freak, weirdo piece of shit. Fuck you!
Murph hunches his shoulders and puts his hands up like claws, mimicking a weird little goblin.
Brennan: And you are now down here. Go ahead actually and make an acrobatics check, we'll say DC15 not to take any falling damage.
Murph: Yeah, that was pretty careless huh? [groans] Oh wait, wait. Oh no, 14. Fuck. Alright.
Brennan: You go ahead and take 6 points of damage from falling.
Murph: Great.
Brennan: You wound Aelwyn terribly and she vanishes. Adaine you see Aelwyn [whoosh] appear on the Ethereal plane.
Aelwyn: What the fuck? Oh that's bullshit.
Siobhan holds up two middle fingers. Brennan immediately returns the gesture.
Aelwyn: Fuck you.
Adaine: I'm gonna tell on you so bad, you're gonna be grounded forever.
Aelwyn: Not if I kill you and your friends first.
Adaine: Fuck you bitch, I'm gonna kill you so bad. I wanted to do this my entire life.
Aelwyn: And you're not going to get to. A sad ending to a sad chapter in a very sad book.
Adaine: [high-pitched mocking]
Aelwyn: Fuck you, I thought that was cool. I was doing a cool thing.
Brennan: It’s gonna be Gorgug.
Zac: Can I make an insight check but tell you about specifically what I'm trying to figure out or does that help at all, or no?
Brennan: Yeah you make an insight check and tell me what you're trying to figure out.
Zac: I'm trying to figure out if I can, use the elementals against each other.
Ally: Mhm.
Emily: Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too.
Brennan: Go ahead and roll an insight check.
Zac: Oh, 18, 19.
Brennan: Doesn't seem so.
Zac: Okay.
Brennan: They appear to be working together.
Zac: Should I rephrase, like literally make the water hit, like if I force them into each other?
Brennan: Oh! If you try to shove, you might be able to do some damage. You're not sure if it would be as good as your magical ax, but you might be able to do some interesting stuff. Especially if you could make it like, really impactful, you know what I mean?
Zac: Gotcha.
Brennan: Like find some way to make it really impactful.
Zac: Alright. Well I'm, for now, I'm just going to attack the one that already attacked me. Which is the wind one, right? Or the, I mean the one that already hurt.
Brennan: You're attacking the one that you already hurt, gotcha. You're going for the water elemental. Go for it, make an attack.
Zac: Alright, here we go. Ooh, I'm gonna roll my Bardic Inspiration.
[tense music begins]
Emily: Yeah!
Zac: 5 plus 8, 13.
Brennan: 13 misses.
Zac: Okay, can I take a second, my second attack?
Brennan: Yeah, go for it.
Zac: Okay.
Brennan: You can take your full attack now. You're raging.
Zac: Great.
Brennan: You’re freaking out.
Zac: Hell yeah. Ooh, uh. 20, but not nat.
Brennan: That will do it.
Zac: Okay. So. Nine, 14. 16.
Brennan: 16 damage?
Zac: Yeah.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Zac: And then I'll do my frenzy on top of that.
Brennan: Go for it.
Emily: Who are you doing it to?
Zac: The, the tornado looking one, I think.
Emily: Cool.
Zac: Oh, that's not gonna hit. That's just a 12.
Brennan: 12 misses. That's going to be shadow and water.
Emily: They're frightened, right?
Brennan: Yes, they are.
Emily: They are frightened.
Brennan: This one--
Zac: Oh! I forgot that they were frightened.
Brennan: This one [splash] disappears into the pool. [whoosh] Makes another saving throw at the end of this turn. Cool. That's going to be, oh and this shadow thing races out here. If it move through it, it happens.
Murph: Yes, it gets hit. Yeah.
Brennan: Cool. It’s gonna make a wisdom saving throw. Fails, go ahead and roll your damage.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Murph: Man, Spirit Guardians is so good.
Ally: Yeah, 15.
Brennan: 15 damage, god damn.
Murph: That spell is ridiculous.
Ally: Yeah, that's awesome.
Zac: And you're in like such a bottleneck spot.
Ally: Yeah.
Brennan: You see, another person says, there's sort of like monk with holy wrappings around their hands and forearms that says,
Guardian: The rule always striving, never arriving, perfection is a direction not a destination. [shouts]
Brennan: And then shadow [whoosh] takes a crack across the jaw.
Cheerleader: You're weird.
Kristen: You're hot!
Ally looks to the side, their eyes wide, comically ashamed and nervous.
[laughing]
Brennan: That's not going to be, that was the shadow, the water ran away. Kristen on the beginning of your turn you take two points of fire damage.
Ally: Okay. That’s not too bad.
Brennan: And that's gonna be your turn.
Ally: Alright, great. Where's Riz?
Brennan: You don't, you haven't, you have no idea where Riz and Adaine. So you guys out in the backyard see the four of you, no clue what's going on with Aelwyn, no clue what's going on with Adaine or Riz.
Emily: Yeah feel free to shout down to us or something.
Ally: Yeah.
Siobhan: I've been shouting. I don't know why you can't hear me.
Murph: I yelled a goblin war cry as I jumped out of the window.
Kristen: Yeah, I'll run into the pool, if I can get there, to get un-on-fire.
Brennan: Cool, you want to just run and jump into the pool? One, two, three.
Ally: Yeah, and while passing do I hit them or it’s only on their turn if they pass me?
Murph: I think it’s when they enter the first time and then on their turn. So these guys have all already taken it.
Ally: Okay, cool.
Brennan: That one is gonna get a swing on you, though.
Ally: Okay. Armor class 18.
Brennan: That's a hit.
Siobhan: God, these guys are so good.
Brennan: And you take 13 points of damage.
Ally: Geez.
Brennan: You do jump into the pool, you hit the water and you splash, the water splashes and then freezes in midair as you like, push through it. You fully douse the flames.
Emily: Wait, the water's frozen now?
Murph: ‘Cause there's like a time stop thing.
Emily: Oh, I see. I see. Okay cool.
Brennan: So you're able to move it and douse yourself but the farther the water gets from you it begins to freeze back again. Meaning you can interact with objects here, but they slow as soon as they leave from your kind of ability to not have to be stuck in this weird time thing.
Lou: Can I ask, which one attacked Kristen?
Brennan: Which one attacked Kristen?
Lou: Yeah.
Brennan: That's going to be-- Oh this shadow, air elemental thing.
Lou: Part of Sentinel, Sentinel, the Sentinel feat is that anyone who attacks a person, a creature within five feet of me, I get an attack on them?
Brennan: You absolutely get an attack.
Emily: Oh yeah!
Siobhan: Sick.
Lou: Fantastic. Yeah, that will be 24. So. Nine.
Brennan: Nine damage.
Ally: Sick.
Brennan: Rapier flashes out as this thing dares to hurt one of your friends and you injure this thing.
Cheerleader: [screeches] Tell me more about that.
Ally: And then I'm gonna use my like move to heal, what was that one?
Emily: Healing Word?
Ally: Where I can heal multiple people?
Brennan: Mass Healing Word?
Ally: I'm just gonna do a small heal on myself cause no one’s really worried, right? I'm in the 20s.
Lou: Yeah, we're all good. You take care of you.
Ally: Okay, cool. Then that is a, what? A d4 with my spellcasting modifier. That's a two. My spellcasting modifier is?
Brennan: Five, I think. So, seven.
Ally: Five, okay cool.
Brennan: And then remember to add your Disciple of Life stuff.
Ally: Yeah, which is another two plus--
Brennan: Yes, spell’s level.
Ally: Spell level. Which--
Brennan: So four.
Ally: Four. Okay.
Brennan: 11 to you.
Ally: 11 cool. Okay. Kind of small, but, whatever.
Brennan: This whirling tornado that was just dominating at beer pong [whoosh] flies up into the sky.
Emily: Yeah bitch, bye.
Ally: Nice.
Emily: Frightened.
Brennan: Still scurred.
[Emily laughs proudly]
Brennan: This creature is going to [whoosh] all the way down the stairs and makes it to, out here. Lands besides Fig and is going to take it out on Fig. What's your AC?
Emily: [quietly] 100.
Brennan: 100?
Emily: 12, 12.
Brennan: 12, okay. [laughs]
Emily: 100, 152.
[laughs]
Brennan: Fig takes 12, and then 11 damage.
Lou: Is that within five feet?
Emily: Owww.
Brennan: It is, but you already used your reaction.
Lou: There it is. We're learning.
[Brennan laughs]
Lou: First time with the feat, guys.
Emily: I look like it didn't hurt me at all but that was half my fucking hit points.
Ally: Oh my god.
Emily: So I'm like,
Fig: Is that the best you got?
Emily: But I'm clenching my asshole.
[laughing]
Brennan: You guys are at, these elemental cheerleaders are no joke. You see, [whoosh] some magic sort of moves between them and you see one of them goes,
Cheerleader: Hoot growl, Aguefort Owlbears. [deep, wispy] Destroy the enemies. [demonic chanting and growling]
Brennan: The next person to go is going to be Fig.
Emily: Okay, can I do like-- No, I just want to try, I want to cast Suggestion on the girl who just hit me. I would like to cast Suggestion.
Brennan: Go for it.
Emily: So yeah, I hit a sweet bass guitar chord that seduces the mind of this hot elemental.
Brennan: What's your suggestion?
Emily: I'm gonna tell her to throw the fire elemental into the pool.
Cheerleader: You're cute.
Brennan: [whoosh] Whips around to look at the fire elemental. You want to use your movement or are you good?
Emily: Oh, so now her attention isn't on me, right?
Brennan: Not on you.
Emily: Then I'm also gonna jump behind my boy Gorgug and while I'm jumping behind Gorgug I'm giving him another wink. [ding]
Gorgug: Oh. Two winks?
[laughing]
Brennan: That is now going to be fire elementals.
Siobhan: This is so stressful.
Brennan: Goes here. Is gonna take it out on Fabian.
Lou: Cracks.
Brennan: 19 armor class, correct?
Lou: Mhm.
Brennan: You go ahead and take 13 points of damage.
Lou: Cool.
Brennan: [whoosh] Fire damage, this thing wallops you. You are still ignited.
Lou: Great.
Brennan: Other fire elemental [fire crackling] crashes out through the front door, sees Riz. 15 armor class, correct?
Murph presses his hand to his forehead, looking down at his character sheet, clearly stressed out.
Murph: Yup.
Brennan: And hits you for nine points of fire damage.
Murph: Uncanny dodge.
Brennan: [whips] And you are ignited.
Murph: Great.
Emily: Feel free to shout to us, you know, so we can help you.
Murph: I think, yeah,
Riz: Help!?
Emily: On your turn.
Riz: I'm hurt.
Brennan: That's going to be--
Murph: I'm gonna get out of there anyway.
Brennan: Fabian, at the beginning of your turn you take an additional six points of fire damage.
Lou: Goddamn. [laughs]
Ally: Whoa.
Lou: Okay, can I, so this water that Kristen like, pushed up into the air when she-- Is there a way for me to, I don't know, pull it onto myself without fully getting into the pool?
Emily: Are you like, worried about messing up your hair?
Brennan: No, you're gonna have to fully get into the pool.
Lou: I'm gonna have to get into the pool. That would involve, in some way, you know I'm gonna stab the shadow elemental.
Brennan: Cool, go for it.
Lou: Yeah and those are both hit, for, yeah-- 21 and 24?
Brennan: Both hit.
Lou: Great. 13.
Ally: Oh yeah.
Murph: Nice.
Lou: And nine for-- 13 plus nine equals 22.
Brennan: Woo! [whips] You see that your rapier flashes forward and injures this thing, but you can tell that your rapier, it’s like this thing should be magical you're like [whips] as it goes out injuring it badly but it,
Cheerleader: [gasping] I like you.
Fabian: Oh god.
Brennan: That's going to be Adaine.
Siobhan: Still in the Ethereal plane?
Brennan: No, you snap at the beginning of your turn. [magical whoosh]
Siobhan: Fuck, okay. Well, I-- with Blink you can only come in within 10 feet.
Brennan: 10 feet. So you can--
Siobhan: Of where I was?
Brennan: You can go--
Siobhan: So, I am going to cast Web, which is a 20 foot cube, where Aelwyn went into Blink.
Brennan: Okay, cool. Let's figure this out. You're here. You can reappear 10 feet in any direction from that point in the house.
Siobhan: Okay, and she's down here?
Brennan: You know that she's down here as you saw her.
Siobhan: Great.
Murph: And I yelled to ya that she was out there.
Siobhan: So that.
Zac: So that's here.
Siobhan: This much movement and then I can cast Web which is a 60 foot range.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Siobhan: Directly down. I yell,
Adaine: Riz, I'm sorry, but at least you’re fast.
Siobhan: ‘Cause it’s a dexterity saving throw.
Murph: Okay. I think you can just choose to not Web me, right?
Siobhan: Can I?
Brennan: I don't think that's true.
Murph: No? Okay.
Emily: I don’t think so, it’s probably like Entangle.
Brennan: Rad, you cast Web. I think people roll--
Ally: Nice thinking. That's crazy.
Siobhan: Oh fuck. There's the fire elemental right fucking there. Which will set the web on fire. I guess I don't do it on the fire elemental?
Brennan: So just Riz. Now, she's also not there right now cause she's not--
Siobhan: Yes, but when she pops back in, she will pop directly into where the web is.
Brennan: Okay, the web fills a 20 foot cube.
Siobhan: Yes.
Brennan: So you're going to, okay so 10 feet on either side?
Siobhan: Yes.
Brennan: Gotcha. Wild. So you cast it here. [web shooting sound] Here’s the thing, there's a window here, I'm gonna need you to make an Arcana check to try to break through that window.
Siobhan: I'm gonna use my 17 roll.
Brennan: Oh hell yeah. [magical “pew”] [laughs] That's so fucking rad.
Siobhan: Sorry I used all my rolls on me but, this is personal, you guys.
[laughing]
Emily: I understand.
Brennan: Fuck yeah. Webs appear. Strands of arcane energy cover the battlefield that is now going to be slime and mud.
There is a closeup of Siobhan, fingers laced together, looking towards the combat board. She is fidgeting a little, concentrating.
Brennan: You see, where did mud go? One, two, three, it’s here. Gorgug.
Zac: [deep voice] Bring it on.
Brennan: This thing does not get an attack using double movement.
Zac: [quietly, nervous] Um, 14.
Brennan: Two hits. You take 10, so then five and then, 13, so six. Five and six damage. Just, bam, bam. These huge stony pom poms smash into your face.
[Emily gasps]
Brennan: That's going to be, back to the top, that's Riz. Need you to make a dexterity saving throw.
Murph: Mmm, 15.
Siobhan: It's a DC 15.
Brennan: [snap] You succeed.
Murph relaxes the tense expression on his face, as he claps and pumps his fists.
Murph: Okay.
Ally: Nice.
Murph: So what, that means I'm out of the web?
Brennan: You are out of the web.
Murph: Cool.
Riz: [shouting] Where's your sister gonna pop up?
Adaine: [shouting] Right where you're standing. Anywhere between 10 feet.
Riz: Cool!
Murph: Oh boy. Alright, I will then. Okay, this fire guy’s gonna fucking kill me. Alright, I am going to [slowly] disengage from the fire elemental. Can I, okay the web is also in this window so I can't climb in this window, right?
Brennan: The web filled… The webs are difficult terrain. So it’s half movement, you're not restrained by them.
Murph: Okay, then in that case I'm just going to disengage as my bonus action with my goblin ability, and I'm just gonna move into the hallway.
Brennan: Sure. One, two, three, four, five, and six.
Murph: Okay. And I'm trying to figure out, you know what, I'm gonna take, I'm just gonna take a dash action. I'm gonna take a double movement, ‘cause I'm pretty banged up and I'm just gonna try to get like, over.
Brennan: Over there?
Murph: Kind of out of.
Brennan: One, two, three, four, five, six. Cool, so you make it out here, bam. Rad. That is now going to be Aelwyn's turn.
Siobhan: Oh wait. I didn't roll to see whether I go back into the Ethereal plane at the end of my turn.
Brennan: Oh yeah, go for it.
Siobhan: 17, I do.
Brennan: Cool. Aelwyn appears here in the living room, immediately stuck in webs. Let's see what her Dexterity save is.
Ally: Fuck yeah.
Brennan: You hear from downstairs,
Aelwyn: Oh fuck!
[laughing]
Ally: And we can all hear that, right, we're like, kind of aware?
Brennan: Yes, you can.
Siobhan: I put my head and fingers through the ceiling and just fucking, [holding up two middle fingers] she can't see it, but I’m just flipping her off.
Aelwyn: I know you're fucking watching, you little bitch. God I fucking hate you. Always taking my things, you're such a piece-- you're so annoying!
Brennan: End of her round, she rolls, and appears back in the Ethereal plane with you.
[magical whirring and whooshing]
Aelwyn: [panting] Well, at least when your web gets burned up by my elemental, I won't be there to feel it. [laughs condescending]
Adaine: I am going to kill you.
Aelwyn: Well, we'll just have to see about that. It wouldn't be the first time you've failed a test.
Siobhan: I really want to punch her. I just want to fucking punch her.
Brennan: [playfully] Can’t do it, out of the initiative order. Gorgug, that's you, baby.
Zac: Oookay. Those guys are just right in front me, huh? Okay. I, just to humor myself, am going to try to slam the rock one into the poison one. Wait, it’s not acid, though. That's a different thing than poison?
Brennan: Um. It.
Emily: It’s slime?
Brennan: It’s like a slime thing.
Ally: This fire one is looking precarious.
Emily: Well I've got, I sent someone.
Zac: I, well okay. I'm just going to try to like, I'm just gonna smack the rock one in front of me.
Brennan: Cool, go for it.
Zac: Alright, and um. Great. Oh, I don't.
Lou: [quietly] That’s a good call. Try and kick it in the pool, or something. Grapple it into the pool.
Zac: Ooh, nat 20.
[cheering]
Ally: Hell yeah!
Zac: So it’s three?
Brennan: Go ahead and roll a three d-- you need some d12, man?
Zac: Three? Yes, I need one. [to Emily] Can I have?
Emily: Yeah, yeah.
Brennan: Here you go, another d12.
Emily: I would be honored to give my d12 to this cause.
Siobhan: [accented] And my bow.
Zac: Oh, sorry. Alright, so that is nine, eight, three. So that's 17, 20, plus seven. 27 for that attack.
Brennan: Geez, for the first attack?
Ally: Fuck yeah.
Zac: Yeah. And then I have two more attacks.
Brennan: Go for it.
Murph: Crit again, that’d be dope.
Siobhan: Yeah, dude. [muffled]
Emily: [muffled] it again.
[Emily and Siobhan giggle]
Zac: Hit a two.
Emily: Well, there was a two.
Zac: So that's, 10 does not hit.
Brennan: 10 does not hit. Go for it again.
Emily: Kind of like an opposite crit. Zero two, rather than two zero.
Zac puts his fingers to his lips, shushing the table. He then cradles his die in his hands, waving it around in front of him.
Murph: Crit, guaranteed.
Zac: Yeah!
Zac and Siobhan hold their hands up in triumph.
Siobhan: Oh my goodness!
Murph: [shouting] Oh!
Brennan: Are you for real?!
Siobhan: Yes.
Zac and Emily point to Zac’s die.
Emily: Yeah! [laughs]
Zac: 20.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Brennan: Insane.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Zac: As you said “crit guaranteed”.
Brennan: Go ahead and roll three d12, man.
Zac: Fuck, that's. Alright, two of the three times I've ever done that. Ooh, okay.
Emily: Mine was a 10. My dice, that I offered.
Zac: So six, so 23 plus seven.
Siobhan: It’s 30.
Ally: 30.
Zac: 30, 30.
Siobhan: That’s 57.
Brennan: [amazed] You just fucking--
Murph: That's fucking insane.
Ally: Fuck yeah.
Zac mimes bringing a battle ax over his head and shouting a war cry.
Brennan: You guys watch Gorgug lose it harder than he's ever lost it. Something about whatever the, whatever word of--
Gorgug: [strained] I'm not my own father!
[laughing]
Brennan: [pounding] That elemental scatters into rock and rubble in front of Gorgug.
Murph: Zac, you almost used your turn to push them into each other.
[laughing]
Zac: Maybe I should hit people more.
Ally: Interesting.
Murph: Just keep critting, dude.
Zac: You're right, you're right.
Siobhan: Yeah, that’d be great if you could keep critting.
Murph: I told you to crit, and you critted.
Brennan: You just gotta follow instructions, dude.
Siobhan: Oh, I just crit myself.
Murph: You just gotta like--
Zac: You just gotta do it.
Brennan: Incredible.
Murph: Everybody just crit.
Lou: Is it that easy? Is it just that easy?
Murph: Yeah man, just crit.
Siobhan: Just that easy.
Brennan: Shadow’s coming at you again. I'm gonna need you to make a Wisdom saving throw for me.
Lou: Fantastic. Oh, three.
[Siobhan laughs]
Brennan: The shadow is going to take some swings at you and it’s going to deal first eight and then, 11 points of damage, and you see it goes,
Cheerleader: Don't you ever wonder like, you know that you're never gonna be as good as your dad because you started further than he was? [rasps]
Brennan: And you feel a fear grip the inside of your heart and make you want nothing more than to run screaming from this place.
Lou: Got it.
Brennan: That's going to be, Kristen.
Ally: Okay, I'm going to run out of the pool into kind of like, try to get to that part of the porch so that I can look in through that window and see what's going on inside.
Brennan: Rad, awesome. You hop up from here. You get to the window, you look inside, you don't see Aelwyn in here, you just see a bunch of webs at the moment. [web sticking noises]
Ally: Okay.
Murph: We heard her yelling, right?
Ally: Yeah.
Brennan: Yes you did.
Murph: I could use a heal if you got anything. I’m at 22.
Ally: Okay.
Zac: You're hurt?
Lou: [dejectedly] 13.
Ally: Can I see you?
Zac: You're at 13?
Murph: Yeah, I'm right here.
Ally: Oh, hell yeah.
Murph: I'm not even hiding. I'm just standing there.
Ally: Oh, great yeah, then I'm gonna do like mass heal.
Emily: Oh, I could use some heal.
Zac: He’s at 13--
Ally: Let me see. Cure Wounds is--
Fig: I'm at 23.
Ally: So then, I'm gonna cast Mass Healing Word and I think unfortunately that's just a d4 plus five for everyone.
Brennan: I think it’s plus nine ‘cause of your Disciple of Life ability, right?
Ally: Oh yes, you're right. Yeah, spell level plus two.
Brennan: Spell level plus two.
Ally: So it’s five--
Brennan: Is Healing Word a second level spell, or Mass Healing Word?
Murph: The Mass Healing Word’s a third.
Ally: Third.
Brennan: So that's five and five, so that's actually plus 10, so it’s one d4 plus 10 and then your Blessed Healer also gives you some extra.
Ally: Cool, yeah. So one d4. Two, okay, so everyone gets 12.
Emily: Yeah.
Ally: That I can see, it's up to six people.
Murph: I think it’s, yeah.
Brennan: So, basically it’s everybody but Adaine right now.
Siobhan: Yeah, I'm fine.
Ally: Yeah. Okay, cool and then that’ll give me--
Brennan: Yeah I think it’s just two times spell level, right?
Ally: Yeah, so, five--
Brennan: So another six.
Ally: Six.
Brennan: Yeah
Ally: Cool. Awesome, and then that was uh, a bonus action so does that mean I can still do something else?
Brennan: You can do something else, you can't cast a spell though.
Ally: Yeah, okay I'm gonna hide behind that chair, but be like peeking into the living room to see if I can figure out what's going on.
Brennan: Dope. You can take a hide action but your Dexterity's very bad, you could also take a dodge action, which would give people disadvantage to try to hit you.
Ally: I'll do that, yeah. And are my like, guardians hitting anyone? Now they're just like swarming in this area, right?
Brennan: As you move, now that you're back out of the pool, these two can be affected. When you were here, you were too far away to affect anybody.
Ally: Of course, yeah.
Brennan: Now these two are affected again at the beginning of their turn.
Ally: Okay cool.
Brennan: Just make sure to hit me up and remind me--
Ally: I’ll remember.
Brennan: If I start moving them.
Ally: Sounds good.
Brennan: Awesome, that was Kristen's turn. Now it's our air elementals. Man these ones that are running away, I've been rolling saves for every turn and they're not doing great.
Emily: Yeah.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Murph: That's very helpful ‘cause--
Emily: I'm terrifying.
Murph: These ones that are here--
Zac: Really fucking us up.
Ally: Yeah, if we had two more.
Emily: And then one of them had that Suggestion.
Brennan: Yes, we're going to make an opposed check as this air elemental goes for the fire elemental. Wild, okay.
[laughs]
Emily: Dunk it, dunk it.
Murph: Put her in the pool.
[Emily and Murph chanting “Dunk her”]
[Ally joins in chanting “Dunkirk” and the rest of the cast follows]
Brennan: Dunkirk?
[laughing]
Siobhan: We just love Christopher Nolan.
Murph: Great film.
Brennan: You see that the air elemental rushes to shove and is rebuffed by the fire elemental.
Emily: Boo! But her suggestion lasts for a minute.
Brennan: Cool, yeah.
Emily: So, I think she's gotta keep trying to do that.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Murph: [mocking] “Cut it out. I don't want to go in the pool. I've got my phone in my pocket.”
Emily: “What are you doing? This isn’t the--”
Brennan: Check for me on Suggestion if she rolls every round to resist.
Emily: Says [mumbles] on a failed save, it pursues, it pursues the course of action you described to the best of its ability, the suggested course of action can continue for the entire duration. You can also specify, it doesn't say anything about.
Brennan: Cool, no more.
Murph:: You're just gonna keep trying to push.
Brennan: Just gonna keep trying to push. Fig, that's your turn.
Emily: Oh, but if you or any of your companions damage the target, the spell ends.
Brennan: At the beginning of its turn. Spirit Guardians affect it. Go ahead, it rolls a save. It’s a Wisdom save, right?
Ally: Yeah.
Brennan: It fails, so it takes damage and the spell ends.
Ally: Oh yeah.
Emily: Damn it.
Brennan: Okay, but go ahead and roll that damage.
Murph: Nice.
Ally: Fuck yeah. 14.
Brennan: Woo!
Murph: Man, Spirit Guardians.
Ally: Yeah, it’s great.
Emily: Well, one. It was one... round.
Brennan: One round is not bad.
Ally: Yeah sorry.
Emily: No, that's fine.
Brennan: You see that another philosopher comes up and says, [laughs] another philosopher rushes up to it and says,
Guardian: From each according to their ability to each according to their need. Pow!
Ally: Sick.
Brennan: A little economic philosophy in there, why not? That's now going to be, Fig, that's your turn.
Emily: Okay so I've been sent, like my last turn I moved to this window did I see her Blink in and Blink out?
Brennan: Did you see her Blink in and Blink out?
Emily: Yeah.
Brennan: Make a perception check to see if you saw it.
Ally: She did come in and yell, “oh shit!”
Brennan: Yeah.
Emily: 18 plus two, 20.
Brennan: Yes, you think that she's like phasing in and out of reality.
Emily: Okay I would like ready an action for when she comes, when I see her next.
Brennan: Dope, readying an action, cool.
Emily: So I'm gonna ready, like I can ready a spell, right? I can cast a spell?
Ally: That's what I was thinking, yeah.
Emily: Okay.
Brennan: Where are you going to be? ‘Cause she might appear behind a wall from you.
Emily: Oh I'm just looking in the window.
Brennan: Looking in the window? Cool. You're readying an action?
Emily: I mean is it open, is it an open window? Can I climb in the window?
Brennan: It is not an open window.
Emily: Okay, yeah so I'm just--
Brennan: You can climb up on the edge so you can look in.
Emily: Yeah, you know what? Maybe I'll climb, yeah, I'll just climb as close as I can.
Brennan: Cool, dope.
Emily: And then I'll wink at Gor-- no you already have it. I'll wink at Kristen Applebees through the window.
Ally: Through the other window?
[laughing]
Kristen: Lot of stuff’s happening here tonight.
[laughing]
Ally: Who is the elemental that kissed me?
Emily: It was the rock one. It was the earth one.
Siobhan: Oh yeah, the rock one.
Murph: Yeah, it was the rock one.
Siobhan: Filled your mouth with mud as you were making out.
Kristen: Gorgug did you--
Gorgug: Yeah I kind of...
Kristen: Did you obliterate my one crush I've ever had?
Gorgug: I didn't know she was-- You've had more than one crush.
Fig: I think you’ve had a lot of crushes.
[laughing]
Kristen: I've just, I'm a very private person. I've never crushed.
Brennan: That's going to be, the fire elementals. This thing [whooshes] burns up all the webbing in here.
Ally: Fuck.
Brennan: Rushes into this room. Sees Fig.
Zac: Are you outside the window?
Brennan: She's outside but it’s gonna smash the window to get to her.
A close-up on Emily shows her impishly smiling and scrunching up her face.
Brennan: What's your AC?
Emily: [quietly] 12.
Brennan: 12, okay. You take--
Emily: Oh, I have resistance to fire damage!
Brennan: You take first, five damage, so two.
[Emily laughs deviously]
Brennan: And then you take four, so two.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Emily: I say,
Fig: Sister, why would you hurt me?
Cheerleader: [rasps] What, you're weird.
Brennan: You see. The, you were also ignited, you're on fire.
Emily: Isn't that good though? Doesn't that just like, make me more powerful?
Siobhan: So metal.
Emily: Right?
Brennan: It’s pretty metal but you're fucking on fire.
Emily: Could my skin be melting and my skeleton is showing through?
Brennan: This thing is gonna take some swings at Fabian. It’s going to hit only one of those times for, 9 points of fire damage.
Lou: Cool, already on fire. Can't be more on fire, I hope.
Brennan: Nope, can't be more on fire. But at the beginning of your next turn, you take another 9 points of fire damage.
Lou: Great.
Brennan: However, you do hear [mimicking motorcycle engine revving]
Emily: Oh, baby!
Siobhan: Sick, sick, sick.
Brennan: And the Hangman shows up right here.
Lou: Well luckily I'm absolutely terrified and don't want to be here at all so I would like to disengage and get on the Hangman and drive, get away from here.
[laughs]
Brennan: Fabian, still on fire, leaps on the Hangman and tears off, flames streaking into the night coming off of his coat. And you are fucking gone, baby.
Emily: Oh no!
Siobhan: Oh, no!
Emily: But doesn't he get to, does he get to do another save or anything?
Brennan: As soon as he's out of sight, he gets to do another save. Go ahead and make a saving throw right now.
Lou: Great, can I also Second Wind?
Brennan: Yeah, Second Wind, go for it.
Lou: So, saving throw is 15.
Brennan: Succeeds.
Emily: Woo!
Lou: Great, and Second Wind is--
Murph: You just like, do a lap and realize that you're a coward.
Lou: Exactly and then, oh god. Second Wind, I'm six, level six, so then plus 13.
Brennan: That is Fabian's turn. Adaine, that is going to be you. You blip out of the ethereal plane.
Siobhan: Can I actually, so can I do an Insight check into where I think she will pop back out?
Brennan: Give me an Insight, I'll oppose it with her Deception.
Siobhan: Great.
Brennan: You need to beat a five.
Zac forcibly exhales and looks away from Siobhan’s dice
Brennan: And you don't.
Siobhan: No, I did. I got a nine.
Brennan: You got a nine.
Zac: She rolled a four.
Siobhan: I rolled a four, but I got a nine.
Brennan: You think she's so mad because of that Web that she's coming for you.
Zac: Are you upstairs?
Siobhan: I'm upstairs but you can, 10 feet is up as well as--
Brennan: You can.
Siobhan: Great, so I would like, to come over here and ready an action.
Brennan: And you can also, yeah you can use your movement too as you pop back out.
Siobhan: Yeah, can I--
Ally: So when you ready an action, could I have readied an action for when she appears again?
Emily: That's what I was doing.
Brennan: Yeah, but of course the problem if you ready an action is maybe the thing that you readied an action for doesn't happen.
Emily: Yeah.
Siobhan: Yeah.
Ally: Yeah, okay cool.
Emily: Which is what's happening.
Siobhan: Can I hide and ready an action? No, I can't, right?
Brennan: You cannot hide and ready an action. You can move and ready an action.
Siobhan: Okay. I'll move and ready an action.
Brennan: Dope, where you moving to?
Kristen: Come down to us.
Adaine: I'm not, I'm gonna fucking kill my sister.
Riz: Where is your sister?
Adaine: She's gonna come and get me.
Siobhan: Can I be like right here in the doorway?
Brennan: Yeah, you want to gain some cover from the doorway?
Siobhan: Yeah, because I have Spell Sniper so I can do my spells with half cover and I'm assuming that she does not have that.
Brennan: She does not have that.
Siobhan: Cause a stupid li’l bitch who didn't plan for this kind of fight.
Brennan: [cackles] What action are you readying?
Siobhan: I would like to cast Dispel Magic as soon as she arrives back here.
Brennan: [raising his eyebrows] Ooh, hoo hoo hoo.
Ally: Oh shit baby.
Brennan: That is going to be slime and mud, mud's dead. Uh slime's coming for Gorgug.
Murph: Slime takes Spirit Guardians.
Brennan: It does. That's right, go ahead. It's uh.
Murph: Wisdom save.
Brennan: Fails it’s save, go ahead and roll damage.
Ally: Hell yeah. This is going great. Okay, let's see. What's that? 13.
Brennan: 13. This thing comes for you, Gorgug. I'm going to need you to make a DC 15 Strength saving throw.
Zac: Oh, and I have advantage.
Emily: You have Bardic Inspiration that you never used.
Brennan: You actually only have-- Strength checks, right? Yeah, you do have advantage on it.
Emily: And you also have Bardic Inspiration that you never used.
Zac: Cool. Oh yes, thank you.
Emily: In case.
Zac: 18.
Emily: Not that you need it.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Zac: Plus whatever my Strength is.
Brennan: You still take five points of acid damage which is not halved. So you see that his cheerleader goes,
Cheerleader: What? Let's get out of here.
Brennan: [whooshing] And just surrounds you in a whirlpool of acid and slime.
Gorgug: Ow.
Brennan: Attempts to drown you and drag you to the ground, but you manage to get an arm down and keep yourself up from being pulled into the earth. That is going to be the slime's turn. Riz, that's you, man.
Murph: I'm gonna try to climb up and get, I'm gonna try to climb up and get in the window so I can be on the second floor.
Brennan: You're gonna try to climb the window and get to the second floor. Go ahead and give me an acrobatics check.
Murph: Please.
Ally: [to Zac] What's your health?
Murph: 22!
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Zac: 58.
Brennan: You jump in, you get up through here to the second floor. You're out right behind Adaine.
Murph: Dope.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Murph: I am going to ready an action for when Aelwyn appears to shoot her.
Brennan: Aelwyn pops out, cool. She appears. Go ahead and your readied action is a Dispel.
Siobhan: Yes, so anything third level or below ends, on the target ends, and for each spell of higher on the target, make an ability check, which is DC 10 plus the spell’s level.
Brennan: So you have to make an ability check, DC 10 plus the spell’s level.
Siobhan: Yes.
Brennan: She has one spell on her which is a fourth level. So it’s a raw Intelligence, you're trying to beat a 14.
Siobhan: Great.
[tense music]
Siobhan sighs, rolling her dice. She looks down at the result, covers her mouth with her hand, and shakes her head.
Brennan: No, didn't do it?
Ally: No!
Brennan: You bring Dispel down on her, end her Blink. The Blink is gone.
Siobhan: That’s something.
Brennan: Is gone.
Murph: Can I shoot her?
Brennan: You can shoot her.
Murph: Sweet. I think my Inquisitive, or my Insightful Fighting for like several minutes or until I pick another target.
Brennan: Cool.
Murph: So, I think I still get her. As long as I fucking hit. [strained] 14.
Brennan: 14 does not do it.
Riz: Fuck me. We’re gonna get blasted, Adaine.
Adaine: I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna kill her and if she kills me, so be it. She will be in so much trouble.
Zac: Oh god.
Brennan: I'm going to need each of you two to make constitution saving throws.
Siobhan: Oh shit.
Murph: Oh that sucks. Not great, not great.
Siobhan: Oh my god, that's so many dice.
Ally: Oh my god.
Murph: God damn it. Come on, please.
Siobhan: 18.
Murph: 3.
Brennan: 18 is successful. 3 and 18?
Siobhan: Yeah.
Zac: So you get like, half of like a billion.
Siobahn: Yeah it’s half damage.
There is faint tense background music as the clacking of a large amount of dice is heard.
Siobhan: Oh my god. The sound of the dice.
Lou: The sound of the many many dice. Rolling around in the pool.
Brennan: Riz, you take 36 points of damage.
Murph: I'm down.
Siobhan: Oh my god.
Brennan: Adaine, you take 18 points of damage.
Zac: Do you get anything from cover, as well?
Brennan: Cover does not affect this. You see that Aelwyn appears. You rob the Blink from her.
Aelwyn: [growling] You little fucker.
Brennan: [whooshes] And an eruption of icy energy blasts forth from her hands. Riz is fully taken out. Adaine, you managed to throw up a shield at the last possible second to defend yourself from the blast. That is going to end, she doesn't roll for Blink ‘cause that's fucking done. That is going to be Gorgug.
Zac: [groans] Okay, I--
Siobhan: Wait, hang on a second. I didn't, I end my turn after dispel magic?
Brennan: Oh, you would have had to voluntarily stay here and not go to the Ethereal.
Siobhan: Oh, okay.
Brennan: Does that make sense?
Siobhan: Yep, yep.
Brennan: Cool.
Siobhan: Yep, that's fine. Just checking.
Brennan: For sure, for sure. That would be a neat trick, but that's not how that works. That's going to be Gorgug.
Zac: I want to grab, can I grab, hm. Okay. I wanna grab Kristen and try to jump to this window?
[Brennan laughs]
Zac: Is that?
Brennan: Sure, there will be--
Ally: You mean this window?
Emily: You mean that one?
Zac: To where they are.
Murph: You want to like, boost her up?
Zac: I want to somehow, if possible, get both of us in there.
Brennan: Go ahead and make, I'm gonna say DC 15 gets Kristen in the window and you hanging from it, DC 20 gets you both there.
Zac: Okay, I'm gonna try to use my Bardic Inspiration.
Emily: You got Bardic Inspiration.
Murph: Oh hell yeah.
Zac: Alright, so I have an advantage as well.
Brennan: Yes, that’s correct.
Emily: I'm playing, I'm playing your favorite song man, your favorite Green Day song.
Zac: So DC 20 gets us both in there? Okay I'm gonna save that because I have 25.
Emily: Okay.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Siobhan: Sick, sick, sick.
Brennan: Kristen, you're standing there with, surrounded by these fucking kung fu philosopher ghosts [whooshing]
Guardian: Yes, very good. A point well argued. Yes, one for reason.
Brennan: And you grab Kristen, Gorgug jumps 15 feet straight in the fucking air, [roars] smashes through the window. You are both up here.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Brennan: Bam, bam. I'm gonna say that's your action and movement to get there. Or rather, you have an action left but you're not in range, you can like throw an hand ax, maybe.
Zac: Can I take the, does Dodge affect magic or no?
Brennan: It does if it’s an attack. Dodge, you can do a Dodge.
Zac: Okay, I'll take a Dodge action and say,
Gorgug: What is happening?
Adaine: I'm going to kill my sister.
Gorgug: How did she stop time?
Adaine: I don't fucking know. Just kill her.
Gorgug: Did she, do you have something?
Adaine: Oh she has a clock, she has a watch.
Gorgug: Okay.
[Ally laughs]
Brennan: Bum bum bum. That's going to be, shadow looks around at where anyone could possibly be and is going to rush up here, smash through into this clusterfuck up here and is going to go for Kristen.
Zac: Does it get hit by your gentlemen?
Ally: Yeah.
Murph: Yeah, it does.
Brennan: Oh it does. Yeah, it rolls Wisdom. Fails, these guys are not wise.
Murph: Believe it or not.
Ally: Hell yeah. 16, uh, 19.
Brennan: Oh fuck.
Zac: You hit that guy like--
Murph: Yeah how many, how much HP do these guys have.
Brennan: You, you see that another philosopher jumps up and says,
Guardian: Of the many virtues there are, none is greater than love.
Brennan: Rips their chest open and their heart shoots out like an organ, bam! Shadow elemental wheels from that. It’s looking fucked up right now.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Brennan: It’s still gonna take some swings at you.
Ally: Cool, DC 18.
Brennan: DC 18, misses both times!
Siobhan: Heck yeah.
Ally: Fuck yeah.
Brennan: That's going to be, Kristen, that's your turn.
Ally: Great, I do really want to revive you but I also have Hold Person that I can cast on your sister. Which is more important?
Brennan: Can cast hold person. Also, Riz is not dead but merely dying. So just healing would bring Riz.
Emily: Yeah, you can just heal him.
Murph: Yeah, I'll be back in the fight if you heal me.
Ally: Oh really?
Murph: Yeah.
Ally: Oh you're not in like, oh you're not like--
Murph: Oh, I'm not dead.
Ally: Oh, then hell yeah. Okay cool ‘cause I can do that as a bonus action, or not if I cast Hold Person, right?
Brennan: You can't cast two spells but you could--
Zac: You can smack that guy.
Brennan: Yeah.
Zac: If you--
Brennan: Yeah.
Ally: What do you mean?
Brennan: You could just take a swing with your staff
Ally: Instead of holding her sister to like keep her there and--
Zac: You can heal him and literally attack the--
Ally: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just saying since all of her spells are so insanely strong. She just did 30 damage, so if I held her--
Zac: She can still cast--
Murph: But if, she's also gonna have like, high Intelligence and Wisdom, probably.
Ally: She could pass these--
Murph: So, there's a chance I die and she doesn't even get held.
Ally: Yeah, yeah true. Okay cool.
Murph: And also if I hit her, I'm gonna, I can do like 25 damage. But I'm dead.
Fig: How does she cast her spells?
Adaine: Like a li’l bitch.
Ally: Okay cool, I'm gonna do a Cure Wounds. So I need two more d8s if you guys have ‘em.
Murph: Dope.
Ally: I'm gonna do a third level cure wounds on Riz. Do you have a d8? Sweet. Oh I had d8s. I've been rolling d8s this whole time. Well they were lucky. Cool. Okay so that's 17 but then I also have this extra healing stuff, so 17 plus the level of the spell, plus five, so that's 22. 25?
Brennan: I think it’s whatever you roll plus 10.
Ally: Oh okay, cool. So then that's 27.
Murph: Dope.
Brennan: You also get six hit points because of Blessed Healer.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Murph: Sweet.
Zac: Are you gonna--
Murph: Thank you.
Zac: Are you gonna hit that guy?
Murph: Well I think you used, that's an action.
Brennan: That's an action. Yeah, that spell’s a full action.
Zac: Oh, nevermind.
Brennan: But that's a great--
Murph: That was worth it. ‘Cause Healing Word is not nearly as good as Cure Wounds.
Ally: I heal seven you say?
Siobhan: Six.
Brennan: Six, you automatically heal six. Now for this air thing. Okay.
Murph: Also I think that shadow guy might die on his next turn from Spirit Guardians.
Ally: Yeah, I think so.
Brennan: Then air goes [whooshes]. You see that the air thing that you cast suggestion on rolls up behind you as you're peering in through the window on fire. It goes,
Cheerleader: Um, can I talk to you for a minute? [whooshes]
[laughing]
Brennan: I'm gonna need you to make a Dexterity saving throw.
Murph: Fabian, we need you back man.
Brennan: Sorry, a Strength saving throw. Strength saving throw.
Emily: Strength?!
Brennan: Yep.
Emily: Boo. Six! So I take what, no damage, I actually heal from it?
Brennan: You take--
[tense music, Brennan quietly mumbles numbers]
Siobhan: I hate it when he's counting.
Ally: Mhm.
Brennan: You take 20 damage.
Emily: Guh, okay.
Ally: What’re you at?
Brennan: And then you fall and take an additional 4.
Emily: Okay 24, okay. Still standing!
Brennan: You see that--
Ally: What are you on?
Zac: Seven.
Brennan: Cheerleader turns into a whirlwind. [wind whipping] All of you standing up here fighting Aelwyn see Fig pop up into the second story window and fall back down. Bam!
Emily: No!
[overlapping shouting]
Emily: Wait, couldn’t I have grabbed on?
Zac: Now you’re in this window.
Brennan: No, that was what the rolls were for.
Ally: Oh shit.
Brennan: Just, [whoosh] bam!
[giggling]
Murph: Okay, we know that window’s where Fig is. So we gotta, we might have to throw Kristen out the window.
Emily: Throw her out, throw her out!
Murph: Throw her out!
Emily: Oh no, you don't have to throw Kristen out. Throw the sister out.
Brennan: And Fig, at the beginning of your turn--
Ally: Why?
Emily: ‘Cause like, it just--
Brennan: You take an additional two fire damage.
Zac: Is it halved?
Emily: But, isn't it halved?
Brennan: It’s halved to one.
Emily: Thank you! I'll take everything I can get.
Zac: She's at 6.
Emily: I am at a strong, virile, 6.
Zac: Very sturdy.
Brennan: It is your turn. You are on fire and just got your ass popped in the air by a tornado and slammed back down.
Emily: Okay, I am going to try to cast Suggestion on this tornado again.
Brennan: Okay.
Emily: Be like,
Fig: [copying the cheerleader’s voice] Actually, can I talk to you?
[laughs]
Brennan: It goes,
Cheerleader: Yeah. You're cute.
Fig: I really need you to steal Aelwyn’s little timepiece.
Brennan: You see that it goes,
Cheerleader: Oh my god, aw. What? You're cute. Tell me more about that.
Fig: Are you malfunctioning?
[laughing]
Brennan: You see that, yeah it looks like the spell has worked. Do you want to use your movement or no?
Emily: Yeah, I want to [laughing] try to climb the wall.
Brennan: Go ahead and give me--
Emily: And get in the second level.
Brennan: Go ahead and give me an athletics check. We'll call it a DC 15 athletics check.
Emily: Okay, well this is a Hail Mary. I got 15!
[cheering]
Brennan: You guys watch Fig pop up, slam back down and a moment literally burning Fig claws up, [grunts] pulls herself into the second story window. Aelwyn like literally looks out behind her and is like,
Aelwyn: What the fuck?
Emily: Can I land on her, ‘cause I'm on fire?
Siobhan: Give her a hug!
Brennan: No, you have used your action and movement this turn. You pull yourself in through the window. Fire goes. [whooshing] This thing roars up behind Fig.
Siobhan: Oh shit.
Zac: Oh no.
[tense, beating music fades in]
Brennan: That's gonna be this thing. Roars up the stairs, it’s at the top of the staircase near where Kristen is. We are making the most out of this house, gang. This thing takes some swings at Fig. Sorry, um. A two and a one.
Murph: Yeah!
[Siobhan sighs in relief]
Ally: Hell yeah.
Zac: Halved?
Emily: So that’s halved?
Brennan: No, no, that's what it rolled to hit you.
Ally: No, didn’t even hit.
Murph: Didn't even hit you.
Emily: Oh! Ah ha ha!
Fig: Sister, why have you forsaken me? We of the flames must stick together.
Kristen: Are you singing System of a Down?
Fig: Yeah, I am.
Brennan: And Kristen you see that the fire elemental cheerleader swings at you with these flaming pom poms, you effortlessly dodge both of them.
Cheerleader: Um. You're cute.
Murph: The fire elemental?
Kristen: I um.
Murph: Doesn't it take damage, spiritual--
Brennan: It does as it approaches.
Kristen: Guardians, baby.
Brennan: Thank you for keeping me honest. Yeah go for it. It rolls, fails its saving throw. Go ahead and roll damage.
Ally: Damn.
Zac: I think all have failed.
Siobhan: They’re so dumb.
Ally: Yeah. Cool, 12.
Brennan: [as JFK] “Ask not what your--” No, that's not a philosopher.
[laughing]
Ally: In a way.
Brennan: Yeah. One of them rolls up and says,
Guardian: The unexamined life is about to end for you, fucko, pow!
Brennan: That's now going to be Fabian. [mimics motorcycle engine]
[laughing]
Lou: So I'm out on the street.
Brennan: That's correct.
Lou: Having like, regained my composure.
Zac: Are you still on fire?
Lou: Am I still on fire?
Brennan: Oh, you are still on fire. You take, thank you.
Zac: Sorry.
Lou: Does driving fast not, does not put the fire out?
Brennan: Amazingly being fully engulfed in flame and driving as fast as you can does not, but you see that the Hangman is like,
Hangman: Yes master, I love this. This look is us, this is our thing now.
Brennan: You take another six points of damage.
Zac: There's a hose right here, just ‘cause you can't see.
Lou: I would say, so I know nothing, none of what has happened, right?
Brennan: None of what has happened.
Lou: In order to regain my composure, like I guess my status, I'm going to drive the Hangman straight down that central hallway into the backyard where I think everyone is.
[laughing]
Lou: Screaming “Seacaster” as I do so.
Brennan: Bam, you feel the house shaking on its foundation.
Fabian: [shouting] Seacaster!
Brennan: I'm gonna say you hit the pool and fully douse yourself.
Lou: Awesome. And then realize that there's nobody out here.
Fabian: Where is everyone?
Ally: We yell out the window.
Riz: We're up in the room.
Fig: Up here!
Adaine: We’re up here.
Fig: Up in the room. Second floor!
Kristen: Second floor. Idiot, where have you been?
Riz: I almost died, Fig's almost dead!
Fig: It’s fine!
Riz: Most of the elementals are still alive.
Fig: We’re, most of us are on fire.
Riz: Where were you, did you run? You look scared.
Fabian: I did not run.
Riz: You look scared, Fabian!
Fabian: I was not scared. I needed, the Hangman had some business.
Brennan: Do you want to take an action this turn? That's your movement.
Lou: Uh. Oh, gosh.
Murph: Poolside crossbow? [laughs]
Lou: I mean. Yeah what can I see of, like what can I see of the second floor?
Brennan: You see these two elementals right here. You see. You see Fig being attacked on the second story by that fire elemental.
Lou: I guess I'll crossbow the fire, I'll take a shot at the fire elemental.
Brennan: Go for it.
Lou: Through the window.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Emily: You guess? You guess you'll save my ass?
Zac: Oh that's a crit.
Murph: Dude, you crit.
Lou: That's a crit from me. 19 crits.
Brennan: Go ahead and roll your damage, dude.
Lou: Great. That’s, that’ll be two d6?
Brennan: Yes.
Lou: Great. Uh, 6--
Murph: Nice.
Lou: And uh, 10, 15.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Brennan: Jesus Christ.
Zac: That guy’s kind of fucked up, right?
Lou: From the pool!
Murph: Daintily peddling your feet as you're holding a crossbow.
Lou: Wait, and then-- I get an extra attack or that's only with my melee weapon right?
Brennan: You can do it with your crossbow, go for it.
Lou: Oh, fantastic. So 15 on the first, second one probably doesn't hit, 12.
Brennan: 12 does not hit. So [whoosh] crit on the first one. The fire elemental turns to gaze at you. Awesome turn. That's going to be, Adaine.
Siobhan: I would like to use Mage Hand to pull the fucking watch out of her pocket.
Brennan: Intelligence versus intelligence.
Ally: Ooh, this is the story of your sisterhood.
Brennan: Actually it’s spellcasting attack versus spellcasting attack. So she, I'll tell you what you have to beat. You have to beat a nine.
[tense music]
Siobhan shakes her dice in her hand for a moment. Suddenly, Zac lets out a surprised huff, laying his head in his hands. Siobhan covers her mouth at the same time.
Murph: [quietly] Did you just roll a 1?
Siobhan: I just rolled a nat 1.
Brennan: You reach out your hand and you see that your sister reaches up to Counterspell and uses your own Mage Hand to slam your face into the door jamb for 6 points of damage.
[Ally groans]
Aelwyn: A little bit of telekinesis. I didn't realize we were back in grade school.
Emily: I need to know, how did she do that, how did she do that counterspell? What do I see her doing?
Brennan: Make me an Arcana check.
Emily: 14.
Brennan: It was a use of Counterspell based on a feat that she has.
Emily: But like, is she saying it with her mouth, is she doing like hand motions, what is she doing?
Brennan: Both, verbal and somatic.
Emily: Okay.
Brennan: Mhm. That's your action. Slime turns comes after Fabian. It's going to take some swings here.
Zac: What does Sentinel do? Is it just on other people?
Lou: No, it’s just, it’s like attacks of opportunity.
Brennan: I'm gonna go ahead, oh Fabian's gonna go ahead and take 16 points of damage.
Lou: I'm down.
Emily: Are you?
Murph: Yell, yell as you get hit.
Fabian: I'm down!
Murph: Oh my god, he's gonna fucking drown in the pool.
Siobhan: He's on the bike though, right? So the bike can take him out?
Zac: Is his motorcycle--
Lou: Yeah, is my boatercycle--
Brennan: You may still take actions as the Hangman if you like.
Lou: Great.
Emily: Have the hangman drive upstairs. Drive up the stairs.
Lou: Bring my body up there.
Murph: [laughs] Just [poses] draped over the bike.
Murph drops his head back and lets his arms hang awkwardly, as if splayed unconsciously.
Siobhan: Just so wet.
[laughing]
Brennan: Riz that's going to be you.
Lou: I can still communicate with the hangman through my thought.
Brennan: As you go down. Riz, that's you, baby.
Murph: Okay, I am going to, where, god this hall’s a mess. Okay, I guess I'm just gonna peek in and I will just take a shot at her.
Brennan: Go for it.
Murph: Cool. Please hit. Oh yeah, that's a 26.
Brennan: That's gonna do it.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Murph: [dice clack] 18.
Brennan: You see that her ward had partially regenerated, you fracture the rest of her ward and graze her cheek ever so slightly with the bullet.
Aelwyn: I'm getting very tired of you.
Murph: And then I'd like to use, I yell,
Riz: We should spread out so we don't all get hit by the same spells.
Murph: And then I'm going to try to, where am I? I'm down under the shadow guy? I'm fucked. Cool, I guess I will just.
[Siobhan sneezes]
Murph: Bless you.
Siobhan: [sneeze] Thank you.
Ally: This guy’s coming up the stairs.
Murph: Oh he's coming up the stairs, too? I'm gonna try to, I'm gonna try to just move into this bathroom, I guess? Just like, move back.
Brennan: Cool, go for it.
Murph: And hide.
Brennan: Go ahead and move your piece, yeah.
Murph: Okay, that guy probably gets an opportunity attack on me right?
Brennan: You took your action. Can you take a bonus disengage or no?
Murph: I can't ‘cause I'm gonna hide.
Brennan: Okay, yeah gets a swing on you. Misses.
Murph: Okay, cool. And then I'll try to hide. Uh, 25 Stealth check.
Brennan: You are so deep in that toilet. [gurgling]
Murph: I just crawl in the toilet?
Siobhan: Oh, god.
Brennan: You're in the fucking upper deck of the toilet.
Murph puts his arms to either side of him, miming pressing up against walls.
[laughing]
Ally: What are you at, Fig?
Emily: Me, what am I at? I'm at six.
Murph: I pull that dude that's in there on top of me, so-- [poses]
Zac: [poses] Frozen nerd.
Brennan: You see Aelwyn vanishes once again.
Zac: Oh fuck.
Emily: God damn it.
Brennan: But, she's gonna throw a Fire Bolt at the Adaine. Adaine, what's your AC?
Siobhan: [hesitant] 100.
[laughing]
Siobhan: 12.
Brennan: 12?
Siobhan: Yeah.
Brennan: It’s 14 here, she still manages to hit. Hits you for 10, hits you for 19 fire damage.
Zac: Fuck.
Siobhan: I am down.
Ally: No!
Murph: Shit.
Emily: Okay.
Ally: God damn it.
Brennan: [mimics searing flame] And vanishes.
[eerie music]
Brennan: That is going to be Gorgug.
Zac: Fuck. Um. Hm, trying to decide which one [quiet] to fucking go for.
Murph: This, the one dude is gonna take Spiritual Guardians damage, so if you have a choice, maybe not the guy who's gonna instantly get--
Zac: Okay. Can I do, okay, can I do an Acrobatics check to see if I can dive through this window at this guy past, past Fig.
Murph: So fucking, so dope.
Brennan: Please do. Please do. You can do Acrobatics or Athletics.
Zac: Oh, I'll do Athletics for sure.
Brennan: Sure.
Zac: And I have advantage for that. Oh hold on, I just want to, yeah. Ooh two 18s.
[cheering]
Brennan: Rad. You effortlessly like--
Zac: Plus seven, yeah.
Emily: I watch him soar over me.
Brennan: You Hulk out. You get an attack opportunity from that one which hits you for 7, for 11 halved to 5 damage. Now you're gonna make opposed athletics with this fucking fire elemental.
Zac: Okay. So just roll again?
Brennan: Yeah you have to beat a, uh, a 13.
Zac: Okay, I'm gonna roll Bardic Inspiration so that's 10 plus 7. So yeah, okay.
Brennan: You see Gorgug, [groans] you're like getting pulled out of the window by this fire elemental. Gorgug freaks out and [shouts] full fucking Owl Bear tackle. Bam! Whoosh, rush out of the second story, bam, smash into the beer pong table and destroy it.
Lou: Hell yes.
[cheering]
Zac: Broke the table, dude.
Murph: [clapping] EC Dub, EC Dub, EC Dub. That's a wrestling reference, guys.
Brennan: House party, dude. This party is getting fucking wild.
[Murph laughing]
Zac: Does that guy take any damage?
Brennan: Yeah, this guy, I'm gonna say, go ahead and roll 2d6 fire damage.
Zac: 2d6 fire damage?
Brennan: Oh sorry, 2d6 falling damage.
Zac: Okay. I mean he fell onto, psh.
Siobhan: Oh nice.
Zac: Fucking three.
Brennan: Three, okay.
Zac: And then also, I mean he's on a wet beer pong table.
Brennan: You, by the way, take four fire damage from touching this fire elemental.
Zac: Okay, and that's not halved?
Brennan: That's not halved, no.
Lou: That's not halved.
Brennan: Awesome. Incredible. That's gonna be these guys. Oh shadow, go ahead and have this thing make a save. It fails it’s save again.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Brennan: Go ahead and roll damage.
Murph: Kill him.
Zac: He's got to be fucked.
Ally: Cool, uhh, 12.
Brennan: You do 12 damage. You see, that, uh. Oh my God, I studied philosophy for so many years, how am I running out of things philosopher’s say.
[laughing]
Brennan: You see that one of your sort philosophy people looks at you and says,
Guardian: Hey, you know, asking the questions, is the first part. The second part is fucking killing these elementals.
Kristen: Wait, I'm sorry, what?
Guardian: ‘Cause it makes it, hold on.
Brennan: [whoosh] Shadow elemental is fully destroyed.
Kristen: Half of that applied?
Emily: Woo!
Siobhan: Yes!
Ally: Yes, hell yeah.
Brennan: Hell yes. Shadow is gone. That is now going to be, so that was its turn, its turn was dying. Kristen, that's gonna be you.
Ally: Great, I'm gonna Cure Wounds on Adaine.
Siobhan: Bless you, my child.
Ally: As a three, a third level spell. So then that's three D8s.
Brennan: Mhm.
Zac: [quietly to Emily] How many third levels--
Ally: Plus 10. So 3--
Emily: [uncertain noise] I mean I have three third levels and then--
Ally: Sweet, 23.
Murph: Nice.
Siobhan: Great, thank you.
Ally: Yeah and then I'm gonna--
Brennan: And you heal a little bit as well.
Ally: Oh yeah, right. Seven was it?
Siobhan: Six.
Brennan: Mhm. Or, six.
Murph: That's great.
Ally: Hell yeah. That’s full.
Murph: You're back up to full.
Ally: Full baby. And then can I do a Perception check to see if I know where her sister's gonna appear again so hopefully she'll encounter my Guardians?
Brennan: Go ahead, yeah go ahead and make an insight check.
Ally: 19.
Brennan: 19. You think, you saw her the moment before she disappeared looking straight up.
Kristen: Roof.
Emily: Oh, she’s gonna be on the roof.
Ally: Okay cool. Then can I use my movement to get on the roof? Is that an Athletics check out this window?
Siobhan: Jesus Christ.
Brennan: Yeah, that's gonna be an Athletics check out the window.
[laughing]
Brennan: That's gonna be a DC 15 athletics check.
Ally picks up a die to roll and it slips out of their hand. They catch the die and smile widely, clearly nervous and embarrassed.
Ally: I'm gonna use this one. 11, no!
Murph: Plus, hold on, what’s your Athletics?
Ally: Which is nothing, two. So 13.
Brennan: Well, you don't fail by five or more so you, so Kristen bring you back from the brink of death and just like heroically jumps out the window, gets up there and you just see does that thing were like a leg can't quite get up out of, can't quite get up to the next level.
Ally: Cool.
Murph: Oh you're gonna get Mufasa-ed.
Ally: Noooo.
Brennan: What did you Suggest the air elemental to do?
Emily: To steal the pocket watch, to steal Aelwyn's pocket watch.
Brennan: Rad, okay. You guys see that this thing flies straight up.
[inquisitive, tense music] [dice rolling]
Brennan: And you hear a scuffling noise on the roof.
Murph: Whoa.
Brennan: That's gonna be Fig's turn.
Emily: I would like to ready an action to cast a spell, like the next time I hear, I hear someone like apparate onto the roof to cast a spell on that.
Brennan: You don't have line of sight to it.
Emily: I don't, I need that, can I just look up? I want to do Shatter.
Brennan: Oh you just want to Shatter up there?
Emily: Yeah.
Brennan: Yeah, you can prob--
Emily: ‘Cause I could essentially like, if where I hear it come from, I can make that point Shatter.
Brennan: Okay, make a Perception check to be able to do it without line of sight. I’ll say DC 15.
Emily: I got 14. Okay, so I wouldn't be able to.
Brennan: Yeah, you can use your movement, you can try to make a climb check to get up on the roof.
Brennan: I think that I will do that. Yeah.
Ally: But you're weak, right?
Murph: Yeah, what are you at health wise?
Ally: Don't do it.
Emily: Well, first I'm gonna look out the window and Fabian and give him a Healing Word.
Brennan: Okay dope.
Murph: Oh sweet.
Emily: For, it’s not gonna be that much, let me see. Oh actually, I'll do a higher level one. I'll give you a Healing, that's not gonna be, still--
Murph: It will make him not die, which is great.
Lou: I'll take not dead. Not dead sounds great.
Murph: Not dying is dope.
Emily: Yeah I'll do--
Siobhan: You can shoot people from the fucking pool again.
Lou: Yeah.
Emily: Let's see--
Murph: Yeah he'll get two attacks on the--
Siobhan: Oh yeah.
Emily: I'll do a second, you know I'll do a third level Healing Word. So it’s gonna be, two. Five, seven. Uh, 15.
Lou: 15, oh thank you.
Ally: Oh.
Emily: And then I'm gonna try to climb onto the roof.
Ally: Are you sure?
Brennan: By the way, you take another two points of fire damage.
Emily: Oh actually, you know what, no instead, if I use Healing Word, what is this Protection from Fire I can do once a day from my ruby?
Brennan: It would just give you resistance. So it’s the same shit.
Emily: Gotcha, okay.
Brennan: Go ahead and give me a DC 15 to get up on the roof.
Emily: Wait, so I take another two?
Ally: Are you down to five?
Emily: I'm down to four.
Ally: Okay don't go on the roof. Don't go on the roof.
Murph: I don't think you should go on the roof.
Emily: But guys, I feel so impotent.
Murph: You might get permanently killed if they do, if she does your remaining hit points and your hit point maximum in one hit. If she does like 50 damage.
Emily: What can I possibly fucking do here?!
Murph: If you're negative, if you get hit in one shot for negative whatever your hit point maximum is, you're dead, you don't get to roll saving throws.
Zac: Oh, wow.
Ally: What’s your hit point max?
Murph: So, if you go up there and she hits you for like 40 or something, I don't know what your--
Emily: 46.
Murph: Oh well, she probably couldn't do that much damage but maybe.
Emily: Then...
Ally: I'll be up there next so I could heal you if you do.
Emily: Wait but if I cast a, if I cast, one last thing and then I'll shut the fuck up, if I cast healing word as a bonus action I can still try and cast uh--
Brennan: Cantrip? Yeah you can do a cantrip.
Emily: A cantrip. Is there anyone that I could--
Brennan: There's the slime out there.
Emily: Okay, I'm gonna try to do Vicious Mockery on the slime.
[laughing]
Murph: Out the window--
Emily: I look out the window and fucking jeer at it.
Brennan: What save’s that again?
Emily: It is a, I would assume it’s Wisdom ‘cause that's usually what shit is with me. Yeah, it’s Wisdom.
Brennan: This slime looks too stupid and does not react to Vicious Mockery in any way shape or form.
Emily: Dang it, well I still give it my all.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Emily: [Scottish accent] Can't do nothing.
Ally: [heavily accented] I can't do nothing.
Emily: [accented] I can't do nothing.
Brennan: Fire thing is gonna hit you, Gorgug, for another 10 points of fire damage, not halved, and attempt to get out of the grapple, no that's actually just its action to attack you. That's going to, and then the other one is up here, it’s gonna take another, some swings at Kristen.
Zac: Uh, the Guardians?
Murph: Spirit Guardians.
Ally: Spirit Guardians, baby.
Brennan: Oh that's right. Fails it save.
Murph: Nice.
Brennan: They have not made a single save on this.
Ally: Fuck yeah, 15.
Murph: Spirit Guardians rules.
Zac: That's kind of fucked up.
Murph: I can't say that enough, how much Spirit Guardians rules.
Emily: Yeah.
Ally: Especially for someone, I never attack. So it’s just like this built in attack.
Murph: Just consistent damage. We kept running around and doing, we keep like climbing the stairs looking for Aelwyn, you're the only one consistently just hitting everyone.
Brennan: A philosophy ghost goes,
Guardian: Epistemology is the study of how we know what we claim to know, pow!
Kristen: Wow, helpful!
Ally: I write that down.
Brennan: That is, and then it's gonna take some swings at you. Hits one time, deals you nine points of fire damage. You are also ignited.
Ally: Cool. I mean not cool but--
Brennan: Fabian, you're back baby.
Lou: Okay. So I'm currently in a pool on a motorcycle and what are you at?
Zac: Me?
Lou: Yeah.
Zac: I'm at 39.
Lou: Okay and you're wrestling with a, so I can see him wrestling with a fire elemental, I can see this slime thing in front of me, I can see Kristen dangling from the roof.
Brennan: Yes.
Lou: Okay great. [laughs] What to do. I guess. I guess, can I ask the Hangman to drive me to the second floor of this building?
Hangman: Sire, what you wish is my command.
Brennan: Are you taking a disengage or letting this thing get a swing on you?
Lou: I'll take the disengage.
Brennan: You crash back [mimics brakes] steer up the, go ahead and just give me an acrobatics--
Lou: 17.
Brennan: You fucking, you guys hear [mimics motorcycle] as Fabian rides his motorcycle up the stairs.
Siobhan: This poor unemployed dwarf's house. He's given everything to his daughter.
Emily: I hadn't even thought of that.
Murph: Well his daughter is in a crystal and we're trying to get her out.
Siobhan: That's true, that's very true.
Zac: Of the two…
Murph: Yeah.
Brennan: That's now going to be Adaine.
Siobhan: [hesitant] I have no choice but to attempt to climb onto the roof.
[Murph laughs]
Brennan: Go for it.
Siobhan: I do not have the skills for this and yet…
Siobhan pushes her sleeves up to her elbows and grabs her dice.
Zac: Roll those sleeves up.
Ally: I'm like hanging there like,
Kristen: You can do it, your sister’s a piece of shit.
Murph: Do you have Acrobatics or Athletics?
Siobhan: I have minus two Athletics. So Acrobatics it is.
Ally: Can you climb on me to make it easier?
Siobhan: Can, oh yeah, can she help me?
Brennan: Someone else would have to have chosen to take the help action.
Siobhan: Fuck.
Ally: Mm, sorry.
Brennan: You know what, I'll go ahead and give you a plus two bonus because, uh, Kristen’s there. You're trying to beat a 15.
Siobhan: Okay.
Emily: Maybe one of her Spirit Guardians gives you--
Siobhan: I got a 12.
Zac: Plus two?
Ally: 14.
Siobhan: Yeah, I got a 10 plus 2, plus, so 14.
Brennan: One away. So you're hanging, you're just both hanging there off the roof.
Brennan and Lou mime struggling, hanging from a ledge.
Emily: It's all on the shoulders of the tornado elemental now.
Brennan: Slime comes over to help the fire fight Gorgug. Riz, that's you, baby.
Murph: Oh boy, okay. Oh boy. Okay. I'm gonna climb out of the toilet.
[laughs]
Murph: Where I start every one of my turns.
Brennan: Quick, jump in the toilet, compose yourself, get your thoughts together, jump back out.
Emily: Siobhan, Siobhan's character goes to ethereal realms, Murph's character goes to toilets.
Siobhan: Oh wait, I didn't cast Blink. I didn't--
Brennan: Oh, go for it.
Siobhan: I still have Blink. [dice roll] I did not Blink.
Brennan: Cool, got ya. Great, great, great.
Murph: Okay, cool.
Ally: Blink is so cool.
Siobhan: It’s really cool.
Murph: I'm gonna join my friends out on the side of the roof. Actually, I would like to, and tell me if this is some bullshit. I would like to try to hang on the side and like, I want to try to get up there, I would like to try to shoot and then I would try use a hide action and like go back down.
Brennan: Uh if you can make the acrobatic check to get up there, I'll allow it.
Murph: Okay. Cool. That's a 16.
Brennan: That makes it.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Murph: Cool.
Brennan: You pop up there.
Kristen: Tell us what you see!
Murph: So, I just want to look, I want to look with my little goblin eyes.
Lou: Look with your little goblin eyes.
Brennan: Holy shit, hold on. You see Aelwyn struggling with the air elemental on the roof.
[cheering]
Emily: Woo! Paid off, baby.
Murph: Dope.
Emily: Finally, my seductive suggestions.
Brennan: Riz, you jump out there, go ahead and do your hit, take your shot.
Emily: Don't hit the elemental.
Murph: I'm gonna take a shot at her. Come on.
Siobhan: Crit.
Murph: 22.
Brennan: That's a hit.
Ally: Hell yeah.
[dice rattling]
Ally: So much damage.
Murph: Oh, I did so bad.
Ally: Oh no!
Murph: I rolled three 2s and a 1. 4, 6, 7, 11 damage.
Brennan: [bullet ricochet noise] She looks right at you.
Murph: Fuck, then I'm gonna try to hide. I'm just gonna try to go. Hup!
Murph mimes holding onto a ledge, then quickly turns around to hide, exclaiming as he does so.
Brennan: Oh go for it, yeah make a hide.
Murph: 16.
Brennan: [dice roll] Okay.
[laughs]
Zac: “Okay.”
Brennan: Aelwyn looks right at you. I'm gonna need you to make a Reflex saving throw.
Murph: Reflex, you mean Dexterity?
Brennan: Sorry, Dexterity saving throw. You're trying to beat a 15.
Murph: Okay, cool. Come on. 21.
Brennan: Woo! Do you have Evasion or no?
Murph: What is Evasion?
Brennan: Rogue ability, I don't think, maybe you don't get it yet.
Murph: Oh no I don't get that. Oh, where I would take no damage instead of half damage?
Brennan: Yes.
Murph: Is this a spell attack or is this just an area of effect.
Brennan: Area of effect.
Murph: Okay, so I can't half this. Well I’ll take half, I guess. Because I--
Ally: So. Many. Dice.
Brennan: You take 14 points of damage.
Riz: Ow.
Brennan: As a lighting bolt erupts from her fingers, she's gonna use her movement to try to take that stopwatch back. She doesn't do it.
Ally: Oh it has, the elemental has the stopwatch?
Brennan: The elemental has wrested the stopwatch from her hand.
Emily: Ah ha! Oh wait, but I didn't even tell the elemental what to do with it or anything.
Ally: That's hilarious.
Lou: It just has it.
Emily: I thought maybe if we just got it out of her hands it’d be enough.
[laughing]
Brennan: That is now going to be Gorgug. That's your turn.
Zac: Okay. Um. Am I on fire?
Brennan: You are on fire, sorry yes. So you take--
[laughing]
Ally: Did we have homework?
Brennan: You take another five fire damage.
Zac: Okay and that's not halved, right?
Brennan: Not halved.
Zac: So, I'm at 34. Look, I'm gonna, I'm gonna-- not disengage but I want to try to Acrobatics up the chimney.
Ally: That's a great idea.
Brennan: They're gonna get swings on you. Acrobatics up the chimney. Fire one crits.
Murph: Jesus!
Siobhan: Oh fuck.
Zac: [quietly] Fuck.
Brennan: And that's gonna be-- seven and seven is 14 plus, five, 19 points of fire damage to you. Slime misses. So this one [roars]. You are fully engulfed in flames, hoodie in fire. Go ahead and make your Athletics check. I'll say DC 15 gets you halfway, DC 20 gets you to the top of the roof.
Zac: Okay. Or can I do Athletics? Yeah, you said Athletics.
Brennan: Athletics yeah, Athletics.
Zac: Okay, I got a 24.
Murph: Nice.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Zac: 25.
Brennan: Gorgug leaps on the elemental just pounding your flesh hands into the chimney, smashing through brick you [grunting]. You are on the fucking roof, my man.
Zac: And I couldn't snatch it with this turn, still, right?
Brennan: You used your movement to get out, you took the hit. So you can snatch the watch.
Zac: Okay. Oh, yeah. Can I try to snatch the watch?
Brennan: Make an opposed athletics. You have to beat a 14.
Zac: I did that, yes.
Brennan: You run up to this tornado cheerleader, snatch the stopwatch.
Zac: Can I press it?
Brennan: Press the button. [click] [whirring] Time resets. All the Hudol kids see, so, in other words, all the fire and water splashing and everything suddenly time resets and [shouts]. So like, what they saw was like, motorcycle, fight [shouting] all happens in less than two seconds of their time--
Just after the magical whirring noise, a series of rapid clock ticking noises can be heard. The ticking returns to normal speed and continues until, “All the fire and water splashing...”
Ally: Woooaah.
Brennan: And you see that all of them say,
Hudol Student: I say, it’s a regular rumble.
Brennan: And magic starts to appear around all of their fucking hands.
Adaine: Oh my god, click the watch again!
Gorgug: It’s a good thing.
Brennan: That's going to be, that's shadow and shadow's dead.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Brennan: That's going to be. Kristen, that's your turn.
Ally: Great, I climb up onto the roof and get as close to her as I can.
Brennan: Give me the check, DC 15.
Ally: Alright. Jesus.
Ally looks away, covering their mouth with their hand, and their eyes go comically wide.
[giggling]
Ally: 2, it’s a 2. With athletics is another, so 4.
Brennan: You take 8 points of falling damage. Your ass smashes into the brick patio as you lose your grip.
Ally: God damn it. Okay. Let’s see. Okay. Then I am going to sprint and jump on the motorcycle with Fabian if I can do that, cause he's just going up those stairs.
[laughing]
Brennan: So you, [grunts] run up the stairs, Kristen jumps on the back of the Hangman.
Fabian: Oh, Kristen!
Ally: Okay and then I'm gonna heal-- [to Lou] Oh, you're really low, right?
Lou: 15, yeah.
Ally: Yeah, yeah, okay then I'm gonna do Cure Wounds but I don't think I have a third slot. So I'm gonna have to do it as a second.
Brennan: Kristen, you also take, sorry I keep forgetting this, but you take another two points of fire damage. That is going to be--
Ally: Oh uh this, I have to heal him.
Brennan: Oh go for it, yeah.
Ally: So it’s, let's see. That's, 13 plus 10 is 23.
Lou: 23? Oh ho.
Ally: And then I also get--
Siobhan: I don't have any more third level spell slots. I know, I wanted to fly out there, I thought it would’ve been dope, but I don't have any more spell slots.
Kristen: Thanks for letting me ride with you.
Brennan: You cure those hit points. Fabian you are healed by Kristen on the back of the bike.
Fabian: Thank you.
Kristen: No worries, dawg.
Fabian: Dawg?
Brennan: Gorgug, you are dealt 9, so then 4, and then 13, so 6 damage. So 10 damage over all.
Zac: Okay, I'm at 4.
Brennan: [moving the miniatures] Gorgug--
Ally: You're at 4?!
Zac: Yeah, I got fucked up in the last turn.
Lou: Hey, but he unfroze time.
Brennan: That's gonna be Fig.
Emily: Okay, can I lean out the window and try and get line of sight on the roof?
Brennan: No way.
[laughing]
Emily: Okay can I do another Perception? I just want to cast Shatter on where she's standing.
Murph: And make her fall through the--
Brennan: Where she's standing? Give me a Perception check, if you beat a 15 you can do it. Cause you're doing it without line of sight.
Emily: 2. Motherfucker.
Brennan: You can make the, you can try to make the Athletics to get up there.
Zac: You're also so fucked up, too.
Ally: Yeah, then we have, we'll have two dead bodies on the roof.
Emily: Ugh, God, I just want to do something. I guess I will, where are you Fabian? Oh you're on the thing.
Lou: [pointing] We're coming up the stairs. Right up here.
Emily: Right yeah, you guys are coming up the stairs.
Ally: You could, maybe, if you're in that window wink at Fabian as we come up these stairs.
Murph: You also can probably hit these guys out the window, or Cure Wounds yourself.
Brennan: You could crawl through the window and get to where Fabian is going to be. You know, but make a call, what do you want to do?
Emily: I'm gonna, I guess I'm gonna cast Healing Word on myself and join you guys.
Brennan: Cool, you pull yourself into, cast Healing Word on yourself. You rush in through here. That's going to be the fire elemental's one turn to take some swings.
Ally: It gets Guardians.
Emily: And I wink at, I wink at Fabian. I think you still have a Bardic Inspiration.
Brennan: It fails. They have not made a single save against this remarkable spell.
Lou: “This remarkable spell.”
Ally: That is just a 10. Just a 10.
Brennan: Just a 10.
Ally: How's it looking?
Brennan: It’s looking fucked up. Another philosopher comes out and says,
Guardian: Axiology is the study of value pertaining to both aesthetics and ethics.
Kristen: Gah!
Ally mimes frantically scribbling down a note.
Brennan: Fucks up this fire elemental. It turns around, it’s gonna take two swings at Fabian. One of those is a crit.
Fabian: Thank you for healing me.
Kristen: No worries.
Brennan: Fabian, you take 11, you take 14 points of fire damage. This thing gets up, [whoosh] roars up the side.
Emily: Oh shit.
Murph: Oh, no.
Brennan: It’s gonna take two swings at Gorgug.
Ally: [pained] Gorgug.
Brennan: Hits Gorgug for six points of damage.
Zac: Total?
Brennan: Total.
Zac: I'm down.
Emily: You aren't in Rage, it’s not like a half?
Brennan: Not it’s not halved.
[eerie, foreboding music]
Brennan: Gorgug is down.
Murph: Shit.
Brennan: Fabian, that's you, baby.
Lou: Okay, I would like to rev my, I'd like, can I take the Hangman's turn, like we're in this area, right?
Brennan: Actually, make an Insight check, both Fabian and Kristen.
Lou: Mine is a one.
Ally: 13.
Brennan: The Hangman is a magical item. These elementals are resistant
to non magical items.
Lou: Can I ram it though?
Brennan: Yes, you absolutely can ram it.
Lou: Because we're on like an edge, can I try and push it out of the window?
Brennan: Absolutely can.
Lou: Fantastic.
Brennan: Go ahead and make an attack roll as though you were making it with your rapier.
Lou: Oh!
Ally: Hell yeah.
Lou: That's very, it’s very high, 24.
Brennan: Go ahead and roll 2d6 plus your Dex modifier.
Lou: Can I borrow d6?
Ally: Yeah, of course.
Lou: Thank you.
Ally: [clapping] Yes!
Murph: [clapping] Two 6s.
Lou: Two 6s and a 5, so 17.
Brennan: [intense motorcycle revving] Hangman goes,
The Hangman: You know nothing of the flame.
Brennan: Boom! Out through the second story window, a rocketing thing of flame, all the Hudol's guys,
Hudol Student: Oh my!
Lou: And can I shout down to all the Hudol children?
Brennan: Yes, you can.
Fabian: Members of the Hudol academy, there is a matter of great consequence happening upon the roof of this building. I ask that you turn all your attention to the roof of this house.
Hudol Student: A request humbly and eloquently made. One to be answered! [whoosh]
[laughing]
Brennan: You see--
Fig: These guys are such dorks.
Brennan: Fabian is the like most fighter fighter of all fighters and he speaks these nerd’s language so well.
Emily: Yeah.
Ally: Yes.
Brennan: Incredible, Fabian you also take, oh no, you're not ignited anymore.
Lou: Oh great.
Brennan: Adaine, it’s gonna be you.
Siobhan: I mean, I have no choice but try to climb up on this fucking roof again.
Ally: You can, oh.
Brennan: The flying Hudol students are gonna give you an advantage on this roll.
Siobhan: Excellent.
Adaine: Thank you flying Hudol students.
Hudol Student: Hellions!
Zac: Oh.
Siobhan: 15. Thank god because the other one was a 1.
Emily: Woo.
Ally: Oh, baby.
Brennan: Gorgug is gone.
Zac: Where, am I gone?
Brennan: No you're on the roof, fallen. You clamber to the roof to see your fallen companion.
Siobhan: I go into a rage.
Brennan: Go into, honestly, yeah. Adaine, you fully just lose it. You fucking like hulk out, you remember like just braining Doreen with a fucking ladle.
[heroic, climactic music]
Siobhan: I am going to punch my sister in the face.
Brennan: [chuckles] Okay!
Siobhan: I don't fucking give a fuck about magic anymore I am going to punch her in the face.
Brennan: Go ahead and make an attack, go ahead and make an attack roll.
Zac: Oh God.
Ally: Yes.
Siobhan: What is that plus?
Brennan: Your Dexterity modifier and your proficiency.
Siobhan: 18.
Brennan: That's a hit.
Ally: Hell yeah.
Adaine: Fuck you, bitch!
Brennan: I need you to tell me, so it’s, what's your strength modifier?
Siobhan: [laughing] Minus 2.
Brennan: Minus 2, so you [whap] punch her in the face.
Aelwyn: Gah! What are you, fucking insane?
Adaine: I, yes, I'm fucking insane! You make me fucking insane!
Brennan: Slime honestly has nothing that slime can do. Slime slimes over here.
Lou: “Slime slimes over here.”
Emily: [laughing] Slime slimes.
Siobhan: Did I do any damage to her?
Brennan: Uh yes, minimal amount of damage to her. But she looks partially hurt. That's now going to be, Riz, that's you.
[sinister, creeping music]
Murph: Cool. I'm going to then-- Okay, I will just shoot at Aelwyn.
Brennan: Go for it.
Murph: 14. Fuck.
Brennan: [ricochet sound]
Murph: Okay, then I guess I hide again.
Ally: Uh.
Murph: What's up?
Ally: Oh nevermind, I can't--
Brennan: Go for the hide.
Murph: Yeah. Fucking 15.
Brennan: I'm gonna need you to make another I'm gonna need you to make another Reflex saving throw, or Dexterity saving throw.
Murph: Alright. A nat 1.
Murph lays his head in his hands. Brennan rolls and quietly counts dice.
Brennan: 28 points of damage.
Murph: Dead.
Brennan: Riz, bam. Hits the middle of the deck.
Fabian: Hudol students, aid that man.
Hudol Student: What, Ball?
Fabian: Yes, The Ball. Yes, The Ball! Word’s gotten around.
Brennan: You watch as your sister kills your friend. Lightening unleashes from her hand. Gorgug, I'm gonna need you to make a death saving throw.
Zac: Cool. Oh, 16.
Emily: Oh!
Brennan: Cool, success.
Zac: Success, baby.
Brennan: That's going to be Kristen.
Ally: Great, okay. We are, where are we? We're kind of like in the hallway upstairs?
Lou: Are we closer to the window after the ramming?
Brennan: Yes, you are closer to the window.
Ally: Cool, can I get up on the roof with advantage from the Hudols?
Brennan: Take it with advantage, yes.
Lou: The Hudolians.
Ally: 20, nat 20.
Emily: [claps] Woo!
Brennan: You clamber up, jump up. You are on the roof.
Ally: Great, okay. I am going to run pretty close here so that my thing will affect all three of them.
Murph: Oh, dope.
Brennan: Oh, hell yeah.
Emily: Yeah, bitch.
Murph: Fucking hell yeah.
Ally: and then I'm gonna try to heal Gorgug with a--
Zac: Oh! I get what you're saying.
Ally: I have another second level. So that's just two but whatever this is plus 10, right? Can I do that?
Brennan: Yeah.
Ally: Okay. Fuck yeah! 20.
Brennan: Gorgug is back, baby
Emily: He's back!
Brennan: That's going to be--
Ally: Gorgug's back. Get up!
Ally fiddles with the miniatures, trying to get Gorgug’s to stand flat on the slanted roof.
Zac: “Wake me”. Nevermind.
Emily: Grab the timepiece from him.
Ally: Yeah I was gonna say, should I be holding the thing?
Zac: It's in my hand.
Ally: Since he's closer to death?
Brennan: Yeah.
Ally: Can I use like, a last thing to do like--
Brennan: Yeah you can grab the stopwatch from him.
Ally: And then I put it in my shirt. I'm already wearing military dog tags cause I think it’s cool and I put the watch on that.
[laughing]
Brennan: You see, on the next turn, the water elemental reappears and the air elemental flies back in.
Emily: Woah!
Brennan: They were sent away, they made their saves and came back. Fig, that's going to be. Oh sorry, the air elemental's gonna take some more swings at-- Oh, on the beginning of its turn, it makes it’s save.
Ally: Oof, damn.
Brennan: And it’s going to hit--
Murph: Still takes half damage, I think.
Ally: Yeah it takes half damage, right?
Brennan: For 15 down to 7. And 6. Halved.
Murph: Yeah it takes half--
Zac: I’m sorry?
Brennan: 7 and 6 damage.
Zac: Okay.
Murph: It will take half damage.
Ally: It will take half.
Brennan: Go ahead and roll half damage.
Ally: So that's 7, 9, it takes 4 damage.
Brennan: [whoosh] That is now going to be.
Zac: Back at 7.
Brennan: Back at 7. That's going to be Fig.
Emily: So, if I went through the chimney and climbed up, would that be an easier roll than trying to jump onto the--
Ally: You have advantage with jumping on the roof, though.
Brennan: The Hudol students are all lifting you up.
Emily: Yeah, but what would it be to go through here?
Brennan: [sternly] Make the roll.
Zac: There's no entrance to, oh is there--
Brennan: The entrance is not the second floor, you just go down to the first floor. Is there a little entrance?
Emily: No, there's a little, there’s a little--
Siobhan: No, that's a chest and drawers.
Zac: That’s an armoire, or--
Brennan: Make a roll.
Emily: Okay, so okay, but I get advantage ‘cause the Hudol students? Okay, come on. I got, I didn't get it. Wait, what do I add to it?
Ally: You have to get 15.
Siobhan: Athletics or Acrobatics.
Brennan: Acrobatics.
Zac: Oh you can add, so that's 13.
Emily: No, that's 13.
Brennan: They try to give you a hand, you're stuck there. You can make a perception and try to cast Shatter if you want?
Emily: Wait, if I'm stuck hanging on them, do I at least have line of sight?
Brennan: You have line of sight, yeah
Emily: Okay, then I'm gonna cast, then I'm gonna cast Shatter.
Brennan: On Aelwyn and--
Zac: The elemental?
Emily: Aelwyn and anything, and the people around her. In a 10 foot radius around her.
Zac: Is that--
Brennan: Cool.
Emily: But specifically just hitting that--
Brennan: Just hitting the elemental and her, gotcha.
Emily: Yeah.
Brennan: They make saves.
Emily: It’s a Constitution saving throw.
Brennan: They both fail.
Emily: Yes. Okay, so then I do, oh I'm doing this, this is a third level, so it’s actually 4d8.
Ally: Fuck yeah.
Emily: Anyone want to lend me a d8?
Ally: Yeah, how many do you need?
Emily: Oh, just--
Siobhan: Fuck her up!
Zac: I think she's--
Siobhan hands a few dice to Emily, then gives one of Ally’s dice back to them.
Emily: Okay. Oh that's good, okay. Okay. 6, 5, 11, wait 15, 17. They each take 17 damage.
Brennan: They each take 17 damage? The air elemental is--
Emily: So does the roof honestly.
Brennan: [whoosh] Air elemental is gone.
Ally: Fuck yeah.
Brennan: Um.
Zac: [whispering] Thank you.
Emily: [whispering] Was this yours?
Emily redistributes the d8s she used back to Zac, Siobhan, and Ally.
Brennan: And Aelwyn is looking fucking hurt.
Emily: Yeah!
Brennan: She is looking unbelievably hurt. Fire elementals are going to go. This ones gonna take a swing at you, Fig.
Ally: Wisdom saving throw.
Murph: It takes the Wisdom saving throw first.
Brennan: Oh. It takes damage.
Emily: Oh!
Ally: Hell yeah, 20.
Murph pumps his fist with an ecstatic look on his face. He mouths “Yeah!” and clasps his hands together in excitement and disbelief.
Ally: 20 points of damage.
Murph: Yes.
Ally: Yes!
Zac holds up two middle fingers and waves his hands back and forth.
Emily: That fucking saves my ass! [laughs]
Guardian: It is the discourse that matters. By discussing these issues we come to a greater understanding of not necessarily the truth but of ourselves within the truth.
Ally: I'm furiously writing all this down over the words in my corn bible.
[laughing]
Brennan: Fabian, that's you.
Lou: So, I'd like to get on the roof with my friends.
Brennan: Go for it.
Ally: You have advantage.
Emily: Are you bringing your motorcycle?
Lou: Great, 15 plus 8.
Brennan: Uh, cool. You're gonna have to leave the Hangman.
Lou: That's fine. And then I would like to attempt to grapple Aelwyn.
Brennan: Awesome, great.
Emily: Are you gonna try and kiss her again?
Lou: [stammering] No, no.
Brennan: You rush up, go ahead and make an opposed athletics check. You need to beat a 1.
Ally covers their mouth with their hand.
[laughing]
Lou: I do.
[lo-fi romantic music]
Brennan: You rush up, it’s not clear to, Adaine, you can see their misty on the ethereal plane, it looks like Fabian just jumped your sister and they're like making out or something, it doesn't make you feel great but you are [gasps] tussling on the roof together.
Adaine: Gross.
Fabian: Just stay down, stay down.
Aelwyn: Not right now!
Fabian: No, I'm not trying to do that. Just give up.
Brennan: Adaine you snap out of the ethereal plane.
Siobhan: I would like to cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter on my sister.
Zac: Oh ho, yeah.
Siobhan: And as she's grappled and maybe doesn't know what's happening, do I get advantage on that roll, maybe?
Brennan: Or would she get disadvantage on her save?
Siobhan: Or she gets her, disadvantage on her save. Which is a Wisdom saving throw.
Murph: I think on attack spells you get advantage.
Brennan: But, yeah, so she's prone, I don't think she gets a disadvantage here. I'm gonna roll. What's the DC on this?
Siobhan: It’s my DC, so 15.
Brennan: Let's bring out the Box of Doom.
[tense music] [Emily huffs]
Brennan: Box of Doom is used for important rolls here on Fantasy High. Aelwyn Abernant, sister of Adaine Abernant, is about to make a saving throw against Tasha's Hideous Laughter. Party's at low hit points, Riz is down, many have already dropped. She gets a plus 4 to this roll.
Siobhan holds her pointer fingers to her temples, looking down. Zac looks anxiously between her and Brennan.
Brennan: She rolls an 11 or higher, she succeeds. If she rolls a 10 or lower, she fails.
[musical sting] [dice rolling]
Brennan: 8.
[scattered applause]
Adaine: Fuck you bitch. Yeah you laugh, bitch, you fucking laugh!
Brennan: You see. You see as Aelwyn grapples with Fabian, she turns and you manifest out of the ethereal plane. Spell energy blasts towards her. [wicked laughter] You see that she goes,
Aelwyn: [chuckling] Are you casting, you're casting Tasha's Hideous Laughter? That spell, wouldn't work on my in a million fucking years.
Siobhan holds up two middle fingers, scrunching up her face and smiling viciously, shaking her head.
Aelwyn: [breathless laughter] It’s such a stupid spell, you cast it on me on your first day and then I, I did, I-- [pained laughing]
Adaine: Oh my god, Hudol boys, do you see that she full, she fell for Tasha's Hideous Laugher?
Brennan: Landing in their flight and levitation all the Hudol boys surround her.
Hudol Students: Oh my. A first level spell. [tsk-tsk] No, no. That won't do at all.
Brennan: You see that she goes
Aelwyn: [maniacal laughter]
Brennan: You see all them turn to look at you and say,
Hudol Student: Were you able to subject Aelwyn Abernant to a simple elementary enchantment?
Adaine: [smug] Adaine Abernant, how do you do?
Percival: My name’s Percival.
Hector: My name’s Hector.
Walter: My name’s Walter, hello. Very nice to meet you. Well that's rather remarkable.
Brennan: You see that Aelwyn’s, she's going,
Aelwyn: [pained crazed laughter]
Brennan: All of the elementals [whoosh] disappear and vanish, so she loses control of her spells. I'm going to need--
Siobhan: I'm like crying a little bit because I finally fucking bested her.
Ally: Yes.
Brennan: She's like clawing at her hair.
Aelwyn: [crying laughter] It's not funny at all.
Adaine: It's pretty funny.
Aelwyn: No.
Adaine: Pretty funny. Guess what else is funny?
Siobhan: And then I reach into her pocket and pull out the Palimpsest.
Aelwyn: [sobbing laughter]
Adaine: Oops, bitch!
Brennan: And that's where we're gonna end today on Fantasy High. Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion.
[NEXT EPISODE - Episode 13: First Kisses and Last Words]
[NEXT TIME ON FANTASY HIGH]
Aelwyn: I think you all well know where I got the idea from.
Fig: He is not gonna be happy.
Angwyn: A diplomat’s child cannot be taken into custody!
Riz: [softly] Hey mom, I know about dad.
Fabian: Guys, I broke the case, alright?
Brennan: The spell has a very disturbing name. It is called Detect Maiden.
Riz: So Zelda's in danger.
Kristen: Yeah, Zelda’s next.
Fig: Almost like--
Adaine: Oh, K V X!
Fig: Oooh.
Ally: Fuck!
Penny: Hi, I'm Penny. Want to play?
[END PREVIEW]
Captions extracted by: gluegunshots
Edited by: gluegunshots and natjennie