Prune Thyself: To Grow and Succeed
How to reshape your life, one relationship at a time
Table of Contents
According to Webster (dictionary) -To prune means to “trim, by cutting away dead or overgrown branches or stems especially to increase fruitfulness and growth” “ to reduce the extent of (something) by removing superfluous or unwanted parts”.
The purpose of this challenge is to trim away the bad relationships( branches) conquer the issues(stems), and remove or cut out that bad habit, mannerism, attitude, or addiction from your life, in order to grow and succeed!
There is also a Facebook support group that you can join.
The first task is to complete the wheel of life. This is a tool that gives you a full glance at your life balance. There are 10 levels for each type of relationship, be truthful and honest.
Complete the wheel (be creative, use crayons, colored pencils, etc)
How balanced are you? It’s ok if you have highs and lows, we’re human, it’s expected. No worries, we’ll fix it, together.
Categorize the relationships into 3 areas: good, bad, and needs improvement.
Review the relationships and place them in the appropriate categories, make note of the why, i.e the people, the type of relationship that it is, how does that relationship make you feel. Be descriptive: The relationship with my mother makes me happy. She is very motivating and powerful, she’s independent, strong but loving at the same time. Etc
Do this exercise with ALL of your relationships
Now, let’s do a deep dive for each category.
How many “good” relationships did you find? Are there more or less than you expected? How does that make you feel?
Did you find a pattern?
Do all of these relationships give you the same feeling(s)? Happy, content, easy, etc. Why or why not? You may comment in the group.
Now that we got the “feel good” vibes going, let’s tackle the ugly stuff, the bad relationships.
I know that this is unsettling, even a little frightening, but it’s necessary and you can do this. Don’t panic, take a breath, exhale, let’s go.
Review the list. Are there more than expected or accepted?
To be honest, people know when they are involved in a bad or toxic relationship but we don’t accept or acknowledge them, which leads to denial.
NO denial here!! it’s time to accept that these relationships need to change and we need to resolve the issue(s) NOW. Answer the following questions for each relationship in this category.
Are there hurt feelings that need to be resolved?
Is there disrespect in the relationship?
Is there anger in the relationship?
Is or has there been verbal, physical or mental abuse? (We tend to avoid these relationships and lock them away, and pretend that they don’t exist, instead of fixing them.) It is not going to be easy or in some cases quick, but is necessary to heal and move on.
Now that you have determined what’s bad/wrong with these relationships,
Let’s review your contributing behaviors and determine what actions that you can take or NOT to make the relationship better or at least improve.
Ask your self the following questions:
- Am I being judgmental? Why?
- Do I need to mind my business? Why?
-Am I tolerating bad behavior? Why?
- Do I exhibit bad behavior? Why?
-Am I an enabler? Why?
-Am I listening to understand or just to respond? Why?
-Am I being disrespectful or disrespected? Why?
If you need or want support during this exercise please reach out/check into the group, Prune Thyself Facebook Group it is a safe and loving environment, where you can express and share your feelings.
Whew! The Last exercise was a toughie,
Are you OK? Don’t beat yourself up, please be kind to yourself, there is only one YOU!
You are doing it! How are you feeling thus far? Accomplished, frustrated, sad? Have you had any “aha”, “omg” or “wtf” moments? If so, please comment in the group. Prune Thyself Facebook Group
You have realized the “good”, conquered the “bad”, now let’s slay the “needs improvement”.
As in the previous exercise, review the relationships and determine your contributing behaviors and determine which actions you take or NOT take to improve the relationship. Hopefully, this task should be a little easier :-).
What a ride! You did it! You have started this amazing journey.
I am very proud of you for sticking with it. You did great work. The hardest part is done!
In order to grow, we MUST be accountable for OUR stuff, because only WE can change OUR stuff. Not your mama, daddy, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, bestie, son, daughter, reverend, deacon, pastors aide or missionary boards can do anything! This, my friend, is all YOU. Now, these people can be enablers and not call us on our stuff, which makes it harder, it creates a false sense of security or well being and when things start to fall apart, we get blindsided, devasted and fall apart. We are here to “prune”, to get rid of those relationships that are not serving a positive purpose in our lives. They drain you, they are emotional vampires that suck the life out of you. They are always taking and not giving. Your cup is empty and there is no more to give. It is ok to cover your cup and say NO. You need to take the time to refill your cup and replenish your soul. So if you have to cut people off, temporarily or even permanently, then that’s what you got to do! Don’t feel bad, sometimes you have to love people from a distance. When you are replenished and have healed, you can invite them back into your life, on YOUR terms and YOUR circumstances and if they can’t accept the terms, “bye Felicia”!
I know this is hard, your heartaches, your head hurts, and your hands are sweaty, it’s ok, this is a natural reaction when you are about to make a life-changing decision and actions.
Now, let’s set some goals and create the action plan to make these changes.
Goal setting is the process of deciding what you want to accomplish and devising a plan to achieve the result you desire. This can be a lengthy process, but you are worth it! Invest the time in yourself, to better yourself.
List your top three goals:
For each goal use the S.M.A.R.T goal setting method:
Specific-What do you want to accomplish?
Measurable-How will you know you have accomplished your goal?
Attainable-How can the goal be accomplished?
Relevant-Is the goal worth working hard to accomplish? Why?
Timely-By when will the goal be accomplished? (don’t plan too far out, you’ll lose momentum)
The purpose of an action plan is to clarify what resources are required to reach the goal, formulate a timeline for when specific tasks need to be completed and determine what resources are required.
Congratulations! You have created your SMART goals, written your action plan, now, DO THE WORK. take one goal at a time, one step at a time. If you need/want some assistance, comment in the facebook group. Prune Thyself Fscebook Group
I don’t know which goals you decided to work on first. However, I would like to say that I am very proud of you for attempting to make a change. Acknowledgment is half the battle of acceptance. You have committed to resolving the issue(s) within yourself. If the other person or situation doesn’t change. It’s ok. You were accountable for your stuff and fixed it, that’s what matters. You can’t make other people change, it is what it is.
My hope is that if the people see your effort and change, they will want to change as well.
Thank you again for taking this journey, to reshape your life.
If you need assistance with creating your action steps or resolving some of the issues please contact me and schedule a FREE coaching session.
(insert booking link)
firstname.lastname@example.org or 508.615.7799.