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Yana Tallon-Hicks, MA, Relationships Therapist & Sex Educator

yanatallonhicks.com // y.tallonhicks@gmail.com 

Sex Life Session Questionnaire

Guiding questions for therapists

Typically, I like to have a “sex life session” with my client couples within the first 5 sessions of working with them. I like to give my clients a week’s notice about conducting a sex life session (for example, at the end of the session the week before, say “Next week I would like to talk about your sex life. This is something I do with all of my couples as sex is a natural and important part of most romantic relationships”). This way they have some time to prepare and the conversation can be more intentional. Then, use these questions to guide the sex life session.

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How do you define your sexuality?

How do you define your gender?

Do you identify your relationships as monogamous or non-monogamous/open/polyamorous?

 

If non-monogamous, ask follow-up questions. Some good ones are:

How often do you have sex and what is it like when you have it? (Feel free to provide as much or as little detail as makes you comfortable).

        Ask about sex toy, porn, “prop” usage, power dynamics, etc.

How has your sex life changed over the course of your relationship?

What constitutes “the usual” sexual routine and a sexual interaction that might be “special”?

Who tends to initiate and how?

Is there anything about your sex life that has caused conflicts or problems in your relationship?

Is there anything about your sex life that you would like to change or see less/more of?

Do you masturbate? Together? Separately? Both?

If confirm solo masturbation, ask about frequency, porn (and what kind), sex toys, and fantasies.

What are each of your experiences with orgasm? (Alone or with a partner).

Have either of you experienced or currently experience physical issues during sex? (pelvic pain, vaginal dryness, vaginal pain, erectile dysfunction, etc)

What was the quality of your sex education as a young person? What was your first major source of sex education? At what age did you have your first sexual experience?

Have either of you ever experienced sexual coercion, abuse, or violence? (Specify whether in or outside of this relationship).

Do you have any preexisting medical conditions that may affect your sexuality (for example, diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, etc?) Are you currently taking any prescribed medications (such as for hypertension, diabetes, depression, anxiety or cardiovascular disease)?

What medications or drugs - including over the counter drugs and herbal supplements - do you use?

Is there anything else you think is important for me to know about your sex life?