Stage is dark. Stage right: a couch, a table with dried flowers and a ukulele on it sits. Stage left front contains a small box and a big box, with a wine bottle containing fairy lights and an over-sized wine glass on it filled with small alcohol bottles and a measuring tape stand. A black stand is on stage left back with a suit hanging on it, and a top hat on top. Behind it a dressing gown is hanging, and a tutu skirt is on the floor. "No one" is standing behind the silhouette, away from the audience view, blending in with the clothes, with her back to the audience.

RING MASTER: Ladies and gentlemen! Beware, boys and girls; this is

not for the faint of heart. (Beat) Only one day in town - the incredible, incredulous,anatomical anomaly that inflicts itself upon our otherwise beautiful women...

Welcome to ’The Carnalval’! Get a chance to arm-wrestle the dame who is stronger than a bear! Support the bearded lady’s razor fund! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, its the world’s tallest woman, taller than any man - even without her high heeled shoes. Come, and marvel at the woman who can orgasm!

Lights fade. The breathing culminates in sound, peaks and goes

silent. Sigh of content and relief.

"No one" emerges and puts on a robe.

"NO ONE": I faked it. (Beat) It’s not that it wasn’t enjoyable, it just wasn’t... orgasmic. And I thought it was something that would make him happy - to think that he had accomplished greatness. He couldn’t quite find the My clitoris. And to be honest, I was too embarrassed to guide him.

"No one" moves to the couch.

I never watched porn, but I mean, everyone knew the jist of it, and I guess that’s how I thought it should be. So, I faked it.


I wasn’t in love with this boy. Infatuated maybe, but not in love. - But he was my first boyfriend. Let’s call him Frank, because that’s what we will be. Frank and I were like high school sweethearts. But I had a superficial sense of love, a renegade heart and a rebellious nature...To me the idea of ’the girl who’s life revolved around loving a boy’ was strange. But apparently faking an orgasm was normal. "Darling, everyone does it."

She sits up

Frank was always very sweet - you know, the kind of guy

who brings you flowers just because it is a


She picks up the dead flowers and smells them.

Yes, it was adorable.

She picks of a flower from the bouquet.

I’ll tell you one thing about me. I find that one of

the greatest pleasures in life is doing what people

tell me I can’t do...

One day; Frank tells me "I don’t think you can climax".

How does he know this? Oh, because he googled it -

because how could a man possibly be inadequate? Even if

he was a "30 second wonder" and couldn’t find the right (Beat) Needless to say, I took great pleasure in proving him

wrong later in life. Just not with him.

She crumples up the flower

But at that point in time I only do it with the lights

off because I’ve been taught to be ashamed of my body;

because a woman can’t own her curves or flaws.

I’m 16 years old and I have no bodily flaws to be

ashamed off, only what beauty magazines have told me is

wrong with me.