Opening:
Hello everyone. Around April of 2024, I deactivated my account @organmaid on Twitter after being called out for various things. I believe many things were blown out of proportion, but I also want to use this doc as a chance to address things that I believe to be important for me to own up to, and that deserve to be acknowledged. I am not innocent and have made a number of mistakes, which I will try to compile together in this doc.
I have split this doc into sections to make it easier to discuss everything that needs to be addressed.
Table of Contents
- Discourse
- Race-Faking
- Misc
1. Discourse
To begin, I want to start by apologizing for consistently getting into discourse; it wasn’t my plan when I first started the account and I realize now that my confrontational behavior only served to spark animosity, when I could have handled situations differently and in a better, less argumentative, way. One example of this would be the way I handled the situation with Kae @aventiolover; while I still do not agree with their actions, I could have gone about calling them out in a more mature and educational way.
Additionally, there were several instances where I stirred up drama (ie. posting screenshots of people who had blocked me), and I apologize for not simply ignoring them. Many of those people that I was posting and making fun of had said rude or downright racist things, and I didn’t want to let them just get away with it, but I see now how I get to pick and choose what battles I fight— some of them just aren’t worth it. I talked to my therapist and he helped me realize how the things I say/do have consequences, and subsequently affect the people around me. I never wanted to cultivate a space for negativity and anger, and I’m sorry that I didn’t do better at making my account a more positive space.
My account was rising in popularity rapidly and I didn’t know how to handle all the eyes that were suddenly on me; I was quickly approaching 1k when I deactivated and I had several tweets that blew up to huge numbers out of nowhere. I am not trying to use it as an excuse but I am still just 16. People were expecting me to be right all the time and when I inevitably slipped up I panicked and didn’t know how to respond.
I want to clarify to everyone that I have been educated, and I even had a talk with someone while my account was still up. I let them post screenshots of my apology so it would be public (the post should still be available here); they helped me understand why I cannot speak on everything and how it was wrong for me to speak on things I didn’t fully understand. To everyone, specifically Rromani people, that I offended by spreading misinformation, I am very and sincerely sorry. I was going off what I knew from my own experiences and what little information I could find online, but I came off as speaking for all Rroma people/groups, and that was wrong of me.
I have also taken the time to educate myself on why I was wrong about Ratio (Honkai: Star Rail) being racist. I still do not like Ratio/Aventurine but that is for my own personal reasons and I have nothing against the ship or its shippers. I realize that it seems like I did all that I did simply over a fictional ship, and it feels ridiculous to me now, because it was honestly never that serious. I have always prided myself on not particularly caring about what people ship (as I'm a multishipper myself), and I never wanted to get involved in ship wars. I kept going only because of the way people were responding to me with blatantly racist remarks, but I should have just taken a step back. I took it personally due to my connection to Aventurine’s culture, but it wasn’t worthy of my time or attention.
2. Race-Faking
Now, one of the main reasons I deactivated was due to the immense amount of backlash I was receiving for “racefaking.” I want to clear it up now by saying I am not a racefaker. I am mixed and incredibly multi-ethnic, but I am not faking. There is no way for me to prove this to any of you, so you can continue thinking I am if you want, but I would never do something so low like fake my race. I know my family and what they’ve told me and I know my own heritage; nobody can dictate that for me.
I know some reasons people were saying I had to be faking was because I had “politically conflicting identities” and “didn’t disclose everything” but those are not valid reasons for me to be lying. I am not obligated to share every small detail about my life or ethnicity (especially because I'm still a minor), nor is anyone entitled to that information. There are many reasons for a person to be mixed and I cannot help that I have the ancestry I do. I do not believe in percentages or blood quantum (which is a colonial idea).
Adding on, I saw some people were upset about me taking “white presenting” out of my carrd, but I did not do that for any malicious reason. I simply no longer agree with the term due to its context and I didn't feel that it was necessary for everyone to know. I may be light-skinned but I absolutely have ethnic features. I also saw some people were upset because I mistook “seasian” for meaning south & east asian instead of southeast asian, and I will admit that was a mistake on my part and I am very sorry for getting it incorrect. Someone else had told me that was what it meant but now that I’m aware of its real meaning, I no longer use the term in any way.
I also want to add that I have evaluated my connection to my cultures (with help of my friends and relatives), and have decided which would be appropriate for me to claim I am at this moment in time. I am also actively making decisions on when I should and should not speak on a topic. I cannot speak on everything and to do so would be directly speaking over people who know better than me and who have more experience and understanding on a certain topic. I have indeed faced racism and discrimination (both online and in real life), but I know that it would be wrong for me to try and claim everything.
3. Misc
This section is going to go over everything else I could find; I was not on Twitter when the numerous threads on me were made so I received information about them only from people who sent me tidbits. Most of those threads are no longer up, so I’ll just address what I can remember.
To begin, there was a thread made on me by a user called @mascneu, though they have a different user now. I referred to them as Swan as they had a swan emoji in their displayname and I didn’t know who they were otherwise. They are 19 years old and claimed to be an old close friend of mine, but I ran through their account and I know for a fact I have never met them. I even talked to their then partner, who had made the accompanying thread (though they said they felt pressured into doing this), and they confirmed that we never knew each other.
Screenshots:
ALT TEXT
Me: WAIT THEN WHO’S MASCNEU???
[Redacted]: hir [see screenshots below] girlfriend
Me: ??? idk hir girlfriend…
ALT TEXT
Me: WHO THE HELL IS SWAN
[Redacted]: OH I HAVE NO IDEA? I didn’t even know Swan knew you. Part of me thinks he’s lying OR he’s [redacted].
ALT TEXT
Me: because they said they knew me???? and they had a really sensitive ss (the maid dress/bank account thing which i can explain if necessary [read below]) but i have absolutely no idea who it is
that ss is from like [2021]ish in a gc
so i just? am confused??
[Redacted]: No I’m 90% sure Swan got that screenshot from someone else
ALT TEXT
[Redacted]: [Mascneu]’s an avid info grabber. He’s tried to doxx a lot of people in the past including having sent?? One of my exes an ip grabber?
ALT TEXT
Me: i’m just surprised that he’s saying we were close? like i do not know your ass this shit is creepy
[Redacted]: OH NO I KNOW
ALT TEXT
Twitter link to @mascneu:
whoever qrted and deleted the message saying “does anyone have hir face reveal ?”
yes, but no i’m not going to share it. i have respect + i don’t want hir getting doxxed 💗
oh, & don’t ask my gf about it either 😭 sie won’t tell you .
ALT TEXT
Me: i was sent a tweet of him saying he has it but that “he won’t post it” because he “has respect” and “doesn’t want to doxx me”
[Redacted]: I’ve asked directly if she’s had your irl face and apparently he was “lying”
This person accused me of being abusive and a stalker, both of which I am not, despite never having met me. They also provided an incredibly old screenshot (from a private twitter gc of close friends) of me talking about buying a maid dress; I’m assuming they got this from someone else but that was during an incredibly rough time of my life when I was being groomed and I was forced to buy that maid dress. Additionally, the screenshot showed that I had said something about someone sending me their bank account; at the time I desperately needed money for reasons that were sensitive and personal, and though someone did send me their bank account (they were a pedophile and sent it completely unsolicited), I did not do anything with it. I talked about it a lot because I was being abused and had no one else to turn to about it; it upsets me that it is being turned against me.
This user also accused me of calling someone a SW (native word), despite the fact I am personally uncomfortable with the word and have never used it in my life. They said I lied about being groomed/being in an abusive household, which is a frankly disgusting thing to say; I have my own serious struggles behind the screen and to accuse me of lying about my environment is revolting. I don’t know why this person lied about knowing me and claimed to have my face saved, but it’s honestly really weird considering they are an adult.
Their partner had made a thread on me as well, but they took it down and contacted me privately to apologize, so I won’t go over them. Most of their points were personal issues we had with each other and were best to be resolved between ourselves. I will say, however, that my friend sent me this screenshot:
ALT TEXT
[Redacted]: Again, as I stated IN MY PREVIOUS THREAD. I had ZERO idea that I was grooming, conditioning, or even making Azubi uncomfortable. As I said, if was not my intent to do ANY of that. If people had told me what I was doing, appeared to be doing, et cetera, I would’ve listened and backed off.
It is for reasons relating to this that we are no longer in contact. I will not provide anything else in relation to their actions towards me (though I can certainly provide proof if necessary) as it isn’t relevant and I don’t feel the need to make it public, especially since it is a deeply personal and uncomfortable topic.
Lastly, I believe there was a third person who made a thread on me, and I do know them and was actually very close to them in the past. We had a falling out over a mutual abuser but then got back into contact— we are no longer in contact for separate reasons, but I’ll try and go over what I can remember from their thread. One of the things they mentioned was that I “stole their rentries,” but I personally don’t find this to be as important because I only ever took inspiration and I stopped after they made it clear they were uncomfortable with it (and it’s only a rentry, so I don’t really understand why it matters). Overall, I have no issue with this person on my side, and most everything had been previously resolved between us privately.
Though, I also think it’s important I go over this: They also mentioned something about how I called my ex partner (who has done a myriad of things that I won’t talk about at this moment) a cheater for getting sexually assaulted, and I want to quickly refute this. It was back in 2022 so I don’t remember as clearly, but the situation was very complex and my ex themself had admitted to me that they willingly engaged in sexual acts with someone without my knowledge, and then lied to me about it while asking if they could start dating said someone. The other party (who was our mutual friend) had sent me more information before I blocked them, and they also said that they clearly consented. I never meant to insinuate that sexual assault was the same as cheating; it was just that the circumstances were very specific and I had proof that it was the latter. I would never purposely invalidate or fakeclaim anyone or their experiences with S/A, but my ex themself told me that they cheated on me which is what led to me calling it that. I do have proof of this but out of respect for their privacy I will not be sharing the screenshots, and I no longer agree with how I handled the situation.
Conclusion:
I am certainly not 100% innocent, and I take complete accountability for my actions and apologize to anyone I may have hurt or offended. I will continue to take responsibility and educate myself so I can strive towards being and doing better.
I will say, however, that it was incredibly unright the way I was treated by the people who disliked me. I had people calling me an “evil bitch,” slurs, and acting extremely parasocial and racist towards me. People I didn’t know were calling me their least favorite person and putting me in their bios. I was sent gore and received death and rape threats. Oddly enough, most of the people who were doing this were full-grown adults. As I mentioned before, I am still only 16; I will continue to make mistakes but I always strive to learn from them.
Thank you to the people who stuck by me and helped me understand where I was in the wrong. I needed someone to be firm (though not unkind) with me about where I had messed up, and it is because of those people that I understand why I shouldn’t have done the things I did.
You do not have to accept my apology or like me, but I felt it was important for me to come forward.
Addition as of 7/15: I did have a new account under a new name @luofuyuri (I aged myself up as my birthday is soon) as I wished to move forward and leave the negativity and discourse associated with my old account behind. I deactivated it due to unrelated mental strain and I don’t plan on returning.
Addition as of 7/16: I am not a person named Merlin. I have no idea who they are but I am not them. I have never interacted inappropriately with minors (and I am a minor myself) nor have I scammed people out of money. I can provide proof of my age through my drivers license if necessary but I’d rather not doxx myself if I don’t have to.