TEACHER NOTES VERSION LAT & RST DRAFT 3 PREP: DIDLS POWER

Table #:

Doc Master: (Doc Master will include name below as “Student 1”)

Student 1 (Doc Master): Student 2: Student 3:

Student 4: Student 5: Student 6:

That’s right, Geek Squad...this is called...DIDLS POWER ....

For to slay when you write.

Directions:

Follow these steps. Pay close attention to the examples and the explanations that go with them.

You will do your drafting in the DRAFT 2 Documents.

In this worksheet you will record information in the CHARTS below.

You will be expected to account for your decisions and your writing--i.e., you will soon be expected to explain your decisions based on understanding the DIDLS elements.

STEP 1. SHARE DOC WITH TEAM: Document masters should share the document with the team. Note that each team member must do his or her own work. These documents are shared only for the sake of transparency and feedback.
STEP 2. IDENTIFY WEAK SENTENCES IN YOUR WRITING.

Open your DRAFT 2” documents for both the LAT & RST. Consider these “worksheets” to do any and all typing/drafting as you rewrite your sentences based on models you identify in Skloot and other articles we’ve read. You should use these documents to draft the rewrites that you will be pasting into the charts below.
You may not feel that you know which sentences are “weak.” However, use the “UNIT 3 WARMUP: 2nd Term Writing Checklist” to remind yourself of the writing standards you are expected to uphold with regard to grammar and style. In general, however, you are looking for:

Sentences that are wordy. See “Tool Set 8: Wordiness That is Killing Your Grade and What To Do
Sentences that seem incomplete in thought or awkwardly phrased
Sentences you may not remember writing or that have words you don’t remember the meaning of
Any sentence that uses the phrases There is, There are, many, a lot, in society, shows, says, “in the text it says,” “similarities and differences”
Any sentence that uses passive voice
Any sentence that uses “you” (other than in quotes)
See TOP 10 Student Writing Mistakes from Grammarly

STEP 3. FIND YOUR SOURCE SENTENCES FOR IMITATION:

You will use SKLOOT (and other Unit 3 texts if you wish) to find “SOURCE SENTENCES.” These are sentences that you feel are strongly enough written to use as models to base rewrites of multiple sentences of your from BOTH your LAT and RST Draft 2.
Use DIDLs notes on the PURPOSE of the author’s use of DIDLS elements (Diction, Imagery, Detail, fig Language, & Syntax) to decide what sentences from “Henrietta’s Dance” and other articles you can imitate to help you revise your LAT & RST drafts. NOTE: You are not just limited to Skloot’s writing only. You may use either Dale Keiger or Sarah Zielinski’s articles as well.
Annotate your copy of the Unit 3 article(s) to note which sentences you want. TIP: If you use the online copies, you can copy and paste source sentences into your Draft 2s to work with.
In the appropriate cells of the table below, you will explain your decisions based on the DIDLS elements. Study the example, “Your Brain on DIDLS,” very closely.

STEP 4. REWRITE WEAK SENTENCES:

Again, use your existing DRAFT 2s for LAT & RST to do this drafting work. When you actually turn these in, I should see this work!
You will most likely use ONE “SOURCE SENTENCE” as a model to rewrite MULTIPLE sentences. You may select more than one SOURCE SENTENCE, but will need to indicate as such in your charts below.
Your job is to select weak or undeveloped sentences from your existing LAT & RST drafts. Then, using your assessment of the source sentence’s DIDLS traits, apply Skloot’s use of DIDLs elements to help you revise those elements in own writing.

Study closely the example below, “Your Brain on DIDLS.”

Example, Your Brain on DIDLS (Revising Sentences Using DIDLS & Skloot)
Your Sentence: The medicine that is created by doctors can be considered a “pro” of science using human biological cell samples.

DIDLS Weaknesses:

Uses passive voice, “can be considered,” which does not tell us who would consider the medicine a “pro.”
The phrase “pro of science” is awkward and unclear. Is it a scientific PROfessional, a PROduct used for science, or a PROceed which results from science?
The phrase “that is created by doctors” is completely unnecessary and even inaccurate. Doctors don’t create the medicine, typically. Scientists do.

DIDLS Strengths:

Syntax is clear, but boring. Does identify pro/con, which answers to the prompt.
Diction is accurate: “human biological cell samples.”

Source Sentence from Skloot: Since the development of the HeLa cells, there's been an explosion of both scientific and commercial interest in the use of human tissues for research purposes, yet research subjects generally see none of the returns.

AGAIN: You will most likely use this one source sentence to rewrite UP TO twelve sentences for BOTH LAT & RST drafts.
DIDLS Strengths of Skloot’s sentence (“I chose this sentence because…”):

Syntax: I chose this sentence because it uses the introductory phrase to establish context and the second clause that starts “yet research subjects…” to deliberately place rhythmic emphasis on the word “NONE” in “none of the returns.”
Diction: I also liked the use of “explosion” to capture the world-wide impact of HeLa cell research as well as including the phrase “commercial interest” which, for me, is deliberately “neutral” in its connotation. However, the neutrality of the phrase presents itself in direct contrast with the coordinator “yet” and the claim that “none” of the benefits go to the actual people whose cells are used.

This contrast between neutral and very negative makes the author’s TONE seem ambivalent (unsure about the “neutrality” of commercial interests themselves) as well as nonplussed and unimpressed, perhaps even disappointed.

This choice of words suggests that Skloot is critical of the role that corporate greed plays in undervaluing the human subjects that are so important to important medical research.

REVISION: Though riddled with controversy over whether or not human test subjects profit from being donors, science which requires human biological cell samples has produced results we must consider “pro-medicine.”

IMPROVED Diction: To acknowledge the existence of ethical problems with human cell sampling, the phrase “riddled with controversy” is used in the introductory phrase to provide context.
IMPROVED Syntax: by making “science” the subject of the main clauses and “requires” the simple present tense verb, I can capture the immediate urgency of the point I’m making. Furthermore, the rhythnm of the sentence puts a definite emphasis on the “pro” in “pro-medicine.”

STEP 5. REPLACE WEAK VOCABULARY: Use the linked VISUWORDS tool to help you select accurate and exciting diction as well as other possibilities such as figurative language, imagery, and more.

After deciding which words to run through Visuword and after selecting a better word to replace it, revise your sentence again to include stronger, more connotative vocabulary.

VISUWORDS, a VISUAL DICTIONARY, THESAURUS, LEXICON:
WWW.visuwords.com
.

STEP 6. REVIEW YOUR WORK. You will SOON include these sentences in your Draft 3 revisions.

STEP 7. PEER REVIEW: In “Peer Comment” cells, give feedback to your peers concerning their rewrite. If Peer Comment 1 has covered either LAT sentence, you must respond to the RST sentence of your choice.

USING THE CHART: Each student will complete TWO (2) rows:
ROW ONE: Full Name... Source Sentence from “Henrietta’s Dance”...LAT Rewrite...RST Rewrite
ROW TWO: Comments by Peer 1….Comment by Peer 2.Visuword LAT Revision….Visuword RST

STUDENT ONE (Doc Master):

Full Name:

Source Sentence:

I chose this sentence because…

NOTE: You may use this source sentence for ALL 12 sentences you revise from the LAT & RST Draft 2s. If you want more than one source sentence, that’s GREAT! please paste it here:

LAT Rewrites (at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets) :

ONE: [your sentence]
TWO: [your sentence]

RST Rewrite(at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets)

Peer comment 1:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

Comments by:

Peer Comment 2:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

Comments by:

Visuword LAT Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword, total 5 words minimum)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

Visuword RST Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword, total 5 words minimum)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

STUDENT TWO:

Full Name:

Source Sentence:

I chose this sentence because…

NOTE: You may use this source sentence for ALL 12 sentences you revise from the LAT & RST Draft 2s. If you want more than one source sentence, that’s GREAT! please paste it here:

LAT Rewrite (at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets):

RST Rewrite(at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets):

Peer comment 1:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

Comments by:

Peer Comment 2:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

Comments by:

Visuword LAT Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

Visuword RST Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

STUDENT THREE:

Full Name:

Source Sentence:

I chose this sentence because…

NOTE: You may use this source sentence for ALL 12 sentences you revise from the LAT & RST Draft 2s. If you want more than one source sentence, that’s GREAT! please paste it here:

LAT Rewrite (at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets):

RST Rewrite (at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets):

Peer comment 1:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

Comments by:

Peer Comment 2:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

by:

Visuword LAT Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

Visuword RST Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

STUDENT FOUR:

Full Name:

Source Sentence:

I chose this sentence because…

NOTE: You may use this source sentence for ALL 12 sentences you revise from the LAT & RST Draft 2s. If you want more than one source sentence, that’s GREAT! please paste it here:

LAT Rewrite (at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets):

RST Rewrite(at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets):

Peer comment 1:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

by:

Peer Comment 2:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

by:

Visuword LAT Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

Visuword RST Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

STUDENT FIVE:

Full Name:

Source Sentence:

I chose this sentence because…

NOTE: You may use this source sentence for ALL 12 sentences you revise from the LAT & RST Draft 2s. If you want more than one source sentence, that’s GREAT! please paste it here:

LAT Rewrite (at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets):

RST Rewrite (at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets):

Peer comment 1:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

by:

Peer Comment 2:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

by:

Visuword LAT Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

Visuword RST Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

STUDENT SIX:

Full Name:

Source Sentence:

I chose this sentence because…

NOTE: You may use this source sentence for ALL 12 sentences you revise from the LAT & RST Draft 2s. If you want more than one source sentence, that’s GREAT! please paste it here:

LAT Rewrite (at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets):

RST Rewrite (at least two sentences per body paragraph, for a total of six sentences. Please number or use bullets):

Peer comment 1:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

by:

Peer Comment 2:

What sentence are you commenting on? Copy and paste exactly.

I am commenting on [name of STUDENT]’s sentence, ...

What are its strengths? Identify DIDLS element.

…

What are its weaknesses? Identify DIDLS element.

...

Overall what is the TONE of your peer’s writing and is it effective or not? Why?

...

by:

Visuword LAT Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion:

Visuword RST Rewrite (at least one word per paragraph taken from Visuword)

Word from Intro:

Word from body par. 1:

Word from body par. 2:

Word from body par. 3

Word from Conclusion: