Highgate School testimonies
Contents page
The following testimonies are personal accounts of the experiences and opinions of former and current Highgate pupils, written by themselves and offered in response to the question ‘What is your experience of rape culture at Highgate School?’. All views expressed are their authors’ own. The author of each testimony has consented to their testimony being publicly shared.
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1. The failure of Highgate School to support victims who report sexual assault to the school:
Testimony 1
The school is aware of me being sexually assaulted, didn’t expect them to take action but certainly didn’t expect the same teachers to become best friends with a rapist and make him a prefect. School encourages toxic male friendships of egging on or sticking with mates regardless of what they’ve done. The rape talks were a joke with teachers brushing the whole thing off at the end with an actual joke. Didn’t feel safe or like my experiences mattered at all. If the school messed up it was all about the cover up, because god forbid the schools reputation takes a hit. But as long as us girls develop severe emotional stress just by coming into school, they’ll be alright.
F*ck Highgate.
Testimony 2
I have been raped by 1 boy from highgate, sexually assaulted by 2 and sexually harassed by too many to keep count. All of them were my friends, best friends or boyfriend.
I have been slut-shamed since the age of 13 by my peers, elder and younger years at highgate. Though I was treated as the butt of most jokes to do with me “being a hoe,” I still felt lucky that I was not the worst. I would constantly see my female friends get worse treatment than me and this only got worse as we got older. I had a tutor in year 9 who even insinuated I was a slut from hearing stories through the boys in my house. Though I had accepted my identity as a “slag” by 14, I still had absolutely no education on how to have a healthy relationship to my body or sex. Insecure, young and ignorant, I went through a 3 year relationship with a highgate boy where I was pressured into having sex almost everyday and considered this okay. This is coercion. An offence that I put up with for 3 years because I did not know it was not okay. My mental health and self love had deteriorated from the constant bullying I faced from my so-called “friends” and at the age of 16 (end of year 11) I decided to try to take my own life. I took Xanax and alcohol, enough that I do not remember the day after. That day was the day I was first raped 3 times by my (ex) boyfriend. I now have flashes of memory from that day.
The year I was raped was the most difficult as I had not fully understood what I went though was rape, as I had never been told explicitly what was and wasn’t rape. My friends and peers CONSTANTLY felt the need to voice their opinion on the situation and stayed friends with the perpetrator. The worst being a constant reminder from male peers that “I don’t believe you,” “no one believes you,” to “don’t come for my boy he’s innocent.” It was only at the start of year 12 that my friend who had also been raped by the same boy, got called in to get told by the school that they had known for the whole year that this had happened, due to a student coming in and telling the higher faculty team a year earlier and done nothing about it. We went in together and out of desperation for help, I got the courage to tell my first adult. The [insert senior member of staff]. On telling each of our stories, I will never forget the first thing we got told, which was that what we were saying was a serious matter and that if we were lying, we would get into serious trouble. All that happened from this meeting was my perpetrator’s parents got called in and told about these “allegations” and NOTHING else. I had to spend 2 more years with my rapist, feeling unsafe every single day. Calculating where to avoid in order to feel safe within my own school. He then carried on to sexually assault one more girl that I know of and who knows how many more since then. This is on your hands Highgate. It was your responsibility to stop this but you did nothing. My rape is on your hands.
Within those 2 years I faced verbal abuse on a daily basis and it was all brushed off as a joke. “Get back in the kitchen,” “What’s a fat girl with a rape alarm? Optimistic,” “what is it called when you beat (have sex with) a black girl? Beastiality.” These are just some of the things said on a daily basis from my peers.
In year 12, a year after my rape, I saw the same man that I was brave enough to tell about my rape ([insert same senior member of staff as previously]), fist bump my rapist and call him “my man,” when realising that I had just seen what happened, he quickly carried on working and steered his eyesight away from mine.
Testimony 3
I find it so interesting that so many people are now (rightfully) attacking Highgate but when I voiced this issue 5 years ago I was unsurprisingly faced with no support from Highgate - sending me to your [insert member of pastoral team] who said ‘are u sure u were assaulted’ is not support - but Highgate also handled it so terribly causing everyone in my year to find out. I was endlessly bullied by people and called a liar and when I told the school I was told to ignore them? Not only was I assaulted (in school - CBIT to be specific) but on top of that I had to face vile behaviour from its pupils - what kind of pupil are you producing? I also had to sit in lessons with the boy who assaulted me who’s punishment was stacking books in the library till the end of summer term - boohoo he didn’t get a long summer ? He should have been thrown out right away for his actions. But instead, you kept him in the school making me feel unsafe every single day for 3 years. It’s so frustrating that after 5 years something is finally happening and I can’t imagine what girls who have been dealing with for longer are feeling. Your motto shouldn’t be ‘altiora in Votis’ unless it translates to boys will be boys.
Testimony 4
Multiple experiences, ranging from being repeatedly sexually harassed by a boy and the school knowing and quoting the senior teacher that handles it, “not to victimise him but how does he feel?”. A boy groped my friend and another senior teacher said “actions can be misinterpreted” and has time after time said “boys will be boys”. Have called my friends porn stars because they “look like them”.
They used to trip us up to see our pants, rate us on their gc etc etc.
Testimony 5
My experience of Highgate School’s rape culture and their response to sexual assault includes the following: A friend raped me at a party in year 13. Afterwards, one of his friends took advantage of me and engaged me in sexual activity with him. I reported the rape to the school 8 days afterwards and so began their massive failure to support me. I was told that I would not be granted an investigation as it could interfere with criminal proceedings (an issue that does not seem to arise in cases of drugs) and that I should submit an anonymous report to the police and that the police would speak with my rapist and reprimand him. I spoke to a criminal lawyer in order to evaluate my options and she told me that a) there is no reason why the school should not be able to investigate and that they every right to investigate, and b) that anonymous reports never remain anonymous and there is no circumstance in which the police would simply give him a telling off. I was told that I should leave 5 minutes early from class if I wanted to avoid him and to work in the music department - he was not restricted from the school premises in any way and so they effectively told me to hide. In a meeting with my parents, a senior member of staff told my parents that 'alcohol was involved', suggesting that this made my situation less legitimate. I was told that it was merely 'your word against his' and that there was no evidence. They could not know that there was no evidence because they did not investigate, even though I repeatedly asked them to investigate. I told them I could provide photos of bruises, to speak to both my friends and his who saw me immediately afterwards and to talk to my therapist - people don't develop PTSD out of nowhere. I told them that not even his friends believed him and that they should question other people at the party and investigate his general behaviour towards women - notoriously bad, but yet again I was repeatedly told that it was just my word against his and that they wouldn't investigate. In a situation where two friends were seen shouting at my rapist by a senior member of staff, this member of staff told my friends to lay off him. His tutor and House-master were never informed of the allegation and I felt like I was being discouraged from telling other members of staff what happened to me, let alone say who. I requested that he be expelled but they responded to me saying that that would mean a 'permanent exclusion from the Highgate community', a prospect the school seemed to show sadness and dismay about. The school did not even consider my request and then when I asked that they send a survey out to pupils before they left for university, I was told that it would cause a 'survey overload' and would seem 'out of the blue'. My rapist never received any form of punishment, not even a temporary exclusion or partial restriction from shared areas, and I do not believe the School ever even considered taking these measures. At this point I requested that the school stop making contact with me as it was becoming highly distressing and detrimental to my mental health. A couple months later I wrote a letter to the school which I sent via a trusted member of staff in order to avoid direct contact, in which I listed reforms which the school could and should make - a list which took me weeks. I believe that almost all the resources they are currently claiming to have for students who have experienced sexual assault are as a result of the reforms that I suggested to them. The following month I received a letter from the senior member of staff who had dealt with my case informing me that I had won a prize at prize giving. When reading the list of awarded pupils I realised that my rapist had also been awarded a prize and thus would be attending the same zoom ceremony as me. This was very distressing for me and subsequently I did not attend the ceremony whilst he did. I informed them of my feelings on the matter well in advance of the ceremony and yet they were not willing to revoke his prize or tell him that he should not attend the ceremony. This is one example from many situations where the school would not restrict his movements or freedoms; I strongly believe that this is because they did not want to offend him. I subsequently received a postcard from this senior member of staff apologizing for the prize-giving situation, stating that it was a mistake because the list of prize-winners had not been checked over. Nevertheless, I believe that such an error should not have been made and that had his teachers been informed of my allegation he never would have been awarded a prize. Moreover, the school should have intervened once they realised the situation and fixed their error. I then found out that the school was supporting his re-application to [insert name of prestigious university] and to the best of my knowledge they did not inform this University about the allegation brought against him. In a phone conversation with another senior member of staff I was told that if I emailed one of his university choices they would not care because 'there's no evidence'. The school also did not want to directly email my rapist and inquire which university he would be attending out of expressed fears that they would offend him. Moreover, in a recent email, this member of staff mistook me for my twin sister and sent an email regarding my case to her instead of me. This brings me up to date to yesterday. The mismanagement of the school never seems to end and they continue to cause me distress with their unforgivable mistakes and failures. I truly believe that the members of staff involved in my case were unqualified to be dealing with an allegation of sexual assault. I believe there is a poor standard of qualification and care shared amongst several senior members of staff. I have been silenced wherever possible and the school protected my rapist much much more than they protected me; this is because they prioritise their image above anything and everything. Highgate have known about the assaults taking place within their community for years but are only acting now because they are facing a PR crisis. I was never contacted by the Head or Deputy Head regarding the crime and was increasingly made to feel like I was being vindictive. Not only have they let down their female pupils and their parents, but also their staff members, of which the vast majority are kind, thoughtful and caring individuals who were kept in the dark about the rape culture.
Testimony 6
Overall I think the most important thing to say is there is a huge rape culture at Highgate School and the way the school has behaved has resulted in a space where rape is rife and also totally tolerated. I would go so far as to say rape at Highgate School is normal. I think having witnessed my best friend at school be raped I can safely say that the school’s zero tolerance policy is totally non-existent. My best friend amongst I would say about 7 other girls within my year shows that the school does not hold these men accountable, if it did perhaps this number would be much lower. The focus of the school appears to be protecting white cisgender men above another other person at that school. I know I have personally felt let down by the school in the way it has dealt with rape accusations. Having spoken to the pastoral team and senior members of staff I was left totally shocked and frankly very upset at their reaction to the accusation. The main reactions that we were given were we are here to support you but we recommend you go to the police which to me seemed as if they were saying go to the police so it is off our backs and we don’t have to deal with it (not that they were planning on dealing with it anyway). I also spoke to another senior male member of staff who then put the onus on me to try and find solutions to the rape culture at Highgate. When I suggested a meeting where you perhaps target men differently and emphasise the severity of rape by talking of the long term impacts it has or a different approach to sex education where you sit men down and ask them how they would feel if a boy locked them in a room at a party and started undoing their trousers I was met with well its not all men and so they would feel offended. I was also told that rape culture is worse at university. This is not good enough and frankly quite scary that a senior member of the school is in essence telling me we'll deal with it because that’s the way life goes as a woman. It also appeared as if this teacher was trying to take the emphasis off the severity of the issue at school by saying it happens at uni. One this is an outrageous and unacceptable comment to make, particularly when I am going through a pretty hard time trying to support my friend and secondly if pupils at school were taught sex education and the severity of rape correctly then this would not transfer to university. I would also like to add that I truly believe this senior member of staff is sexist and favours the lad culture and bantering with the boys instead of protecting vulnerable women at the school.
Whilst I have never (thankfully) been raped or sexually assaulted at that school there were multiple conversations going on in which the boys would speak about women in an unacceptable manner. Jokes on rape, discussing women as numbers, lad mentality, accusing women of lying of rape (the stat is 2% of accusations are a lie) and people not knowing the difference between rape and regretful sex all contributed to a rape culture. The lines between what was constituted as rape and what wasn’t were blurred and the severity of the situation lost. I would also like to say that the constant assemblies we are given are clearly not effective enough and one assembly about not wanting “tea” is not going to do it. I also believe that the analogy of drinking tea devalues the severity of rape and almost makes it comical because the idea of forcing someone to drink tea is a joke.
I can say that as saddening and disturbing this experience has been I am not at all shocked. What started off as me thinking the senior members of staff would actually act on my friends accusation and me praising her for going to the school and saying justice will be served and out of her tremendous strength swiftly turned into a totally demoralising and sad year in which we have battled with the school trying to make them realise why and how they can change, something that we at 18 years old should not have to do.
I would also like to add that every email I have received has talked about the way the school has changed and its zero tolerance policy. Firstly, the zero tolerance policy is utter crap because I know that my friends rapist was actively helped in reapplying to [insert name of prestigious university] after the accusation was made as well as another rapist being allowed to be a prefect, Not only is this disgraceful but the school actively wrote my friends’ rapist a reference praising him which was clearly sent to the university without any mention of a rape accusation against him. May I also mention that accusation was not alone there had been multiple instances of him sexually assaulting women. This help for a [insert name of prestigious university] application came after I received an email from a senior member of the school where she apologised for awarding a prize to the pupil at prize giving. This was made worse because having gone to her about what happened the night my friend was raped she proceeded to send an email with all the prize giving winners which include my friend and her rapist. Naturally my friend then missed out on her prize because she neither could be on a zoom call with him nor watch him be praised by the school. Furthermore, the numerous problems that girls in lower years to myself have discussed proves that the changes Highgate are making are not adequate or as I honestly believe are non existent.
Overall, Highgate has A MASSIVE problem with rape and they need to take a hard look at their sex education program as well as the way in which they dismiss male or mainly female pupils who come forward to share their stories of rape. Having been at the school for 14 years I can safely say that I have been totally let down, upset and angered by the way in which they have behaved to all women who have bravely come forward and shared their story of rape or sexual assault in desperation but have been left in the dark by the school and above all the pastoral team. Their whole attitude to rape is performative, as proven by their instagram in which they celebrated international women day but proceeded to silence women that were bravely coming forward with stories of their experiences of rape and being a female pupil at the school. This school has become obsessed with its image, making money and its PR and has disregarded and left its pupils in the dark and it is NOT good enough.
Testimony 7
I have watched how the school responded to my best friend when she came forward looking for support after a boy in our year raped her, and I can honestly say that Highgate school actively perpetuates rape culture through the failures of its staff to deal with rape. My experience of having to support my friend through the failures of the school has made me see the school’s whole ethos of well-being and welfare support as an ugly lie simply designed for good PR. I have had to sit on FaceTimes whilst she weeps to me about the school’s continued endorsement of her rapist so that he could reapply to [insert name of prestigious university], and listened to her tell me about her horrific nightmares involving Senior members of the school who she had to deal with. Her PTSD is just as much triggered by memories of the school’s failure to support her (including awarding her rapist a prize at our Year 13 prize giving, and expecting her to attend the prize giving and clap her rapist) as by the memories of her rapist himself. She asked you last year for a survey into rape culture in our year and you refused to do so, giving the pathetic excuse that it would seem ‘out of the blue.’ Unfortunately, at a school like Highgate (and as members of the senior team well know, owing to all the girls who came forward in our year to report their sexual assault), sexual assault is not ‘out of the blue’; the school merely likes to treat it like that and ignores the pleas of victims of sexual assault, willfully ignoring the clear and horrifying reality which we have asked you time and time again to change. But now it’s a potential PR stunt for Highgate of course the school is jumping on the bandwagon. You knew about rape culture in our year since year 9 when two other girls in my year brought rape allegations against another boy in my year, but you did nothing about it, and in fact went on to make the boy a prefect. Both my and my best friend were pupils who devoted a lot of time to the school and used to take pride in it, but I now tell anyone I meet not to send their children there, because the school does not care about supporting victims of rape if it means potentially damaging the reputation of the school. It is a source of great sadness to me that I have no pride in or loyalty to Highgate as a result of its failure to deal adequately with rapists and sexual assaulters.
Testimony 8
The issues with rape culture and with a very pronounced sense of male superiority started occurring in my experience in year 9. My first experience with a fellow student happened when some other girls told me not to ‘go out’ with a particular boy who had a reputation within the school for being sexually aggressive because he would make me do things I was not ‘comfortable with’. In Year 10, one boy who was pursuing me somehow got me alone in the kitchen at a party and positioned himself against the door so I couldn’t leave even though I told him I wanted to leave and was trying to push my way around him. He started assaulting me even though I was actively trying to push him off of me and try to alert someone else to come into the room. This boy had later allegations made against him that the school was aware of and did not act upon. Now he is at [insert name of prestigious university] and unaffected by any acts of aggravated sexual acts he forced on girls. The culture of sexual assault is so severe at Highgate it almost doesn’t come as a surprise. Daily instances of girls being forced to do things or even being raped by other students with no actions taken. The environment at the school in terms of speaking out is not supportive enough. The knowledge that nothing will be done is enough to keep girls silent. Or the knowledge that once you speak the boy will be interviewed and no further measures will be taken which only puts the girl in a more vulnerable position. It is such a disappointing experience at a school with such prestige which seems in this case undeserved. The blatant disregard of female dignity and integrity at the hands of highgate administration is offensive and adds to the damaging culture of assault which takes place within school property.
Testimony 9
Personal experience of unconsented first time sex when I was near to unconsciously drunk with my boyfriend of the time.
I told the head of my academic year at the time. Not only did it take at least 3 months for something to happen but the questioning which went on to happen to my peers by part of the school was embarrassing. I had to deal with untrue rumours being spread around the school, being scared of telling the whole truth to the academic head for fear of questioning to my peers and more rumours being spread. The head of my academic year kept questioning whether I was consensual or not, asking deeply hurtful questions and trying to suggest it wasn’t as bad as what it was. In the end near to nothing happened and I had to deal with being in the same English class as him for the rest of the school year.
Testimony 10
That highgate school actively told a girl reporting a sexual assault to not go to the police about it and encouraged her to sign an NDA. When she spoke to [insert members of pastoral team] and raised valid issues about seeing the assaulter in school, the [insert members of pastoral team] told her to consider the boys feelings and how legal ramifications for his actions might hurt his feelings. There is not rape culture WITHIN Highgate School, Highgate School IS rape culture. This virtue signaling is a weak attempt to regain some reputation. Hopefully that girl is now happy and not too scarred from her treatment in the school. I hope she did not sign the NDA and will speak publicly about her disgusting treatment.
Highate School IS rape culture.
Testimony 11
Essentially being told by [insert members of pastoral team] that my assault was my fault as it was my “responsibility” to keep safe, that I shouldn’t be reliant on others for help or “put myself in situations” (🤢) where I would be at risk. Which as a young women is literally the whole of the f*cking planet.
Testimony 12
Every instance of sexual assault or rape has been swept under the rug by Highgate School. The common rooms are filled with known rapists and abusers, yet the school (and a large part of the male student body) would rather inflict more trauma upon victims than seek active change. A telling instance of this is when a known rapist (which the school had been notified about multiple times) was elected school prefect. Although shocking, this instance perfectly encapsulates Highgate’s approach to rape culture: innocent until proven guilty - a phrase which one of the school’s Head’s of Year actually spoke.
Testimony 13
What I have seen are repeat occurrences of traumatised girls taking a huge risk to the administration in order to prevent boys causing more trauma. Their testimonies come at an enormous risk to them as they already feel that they are unsafe, and are risking self-exposure and further attacks from their perpetrators in speaking up. While I recognise the lack of ‘evidence’ makes persecution difficult for the school, this doesn’t not condone the school to take the boys’ testimonies to be of equal weight to the girls’. The boy does not want to be expelled or ‘cancelled’ in school society, so of course they are going to say they are guilty. The girls do not want to lie. They are not trying to ‘cancel’ the boys, they are trying to protect their own and others’ safety. To have the school doubt their truths and choose to favour the ‘easy’ option of believing the boys’ innocence, these boys feel that they can continue doing this- they have not learnt that what they have done is wrong. And girls remain at risk of abuse. I know of several repeat-offenders in the year that just left highgate that continued to abuse women after several victims had come to report them to the school. They have gone on to universities where more and more abuse has been done. This is because they have not faced any punishment for their attacks. The school must take responsibility for the risk they are placing these girls in. The abuse is not a short moment of unpleasantness. It WILL cause lifetimes trauma, struggle forming relationships, and far too often self-harm or suicidal tendencies. Highgate must recognise the gravity of their lack of action.
YOU MUST BELIEVE GIRLS. TRAUMA CAN DESTROY LIVES.
Testimony 14
Graphic rape jokes normalised by both boys and girls, whenever I’ve confronted senior staff over their ineffective seemingly lazy handling of sexual assault cases as well as a general rape culture they shrug as if it is not their responsibility to deal with it - senior staff frequently dismiss claims that Highgate has a rape culture - claiming ‘that’s a little extreme’ belittling students as if they are too young to understand truly what it is - they have not been at Highgate parties where boys are notorious for targeting the drunkest girl or in the common room where graphic jokes are made - THIS IS A RAPE CULTURE - after months of campaigning for a proper rape talk (we asked for a police officer to explain the parameters of rape in the eyes of law and also to explain the procedure around filing a crime statement - may I had that the legal advice Highgate gives to victims is factually incorrect) we were given a measly five min talk in which the word rape was not even uttered squished in between a talk about trees’ effects on mental health and uni drinking initiations - which was concluded by a senior staff member saying ‘oops that was a little dark.’ to top it all off the outrageous email sent by the school in response to everyonesinvited (I’m sure in response to the fact many of the Highgate testimonies (unlike those from other schools) did not just detail assaults and harassments in themselves BUT the schools complete incompetency at dealing with them and the rape culture that is perpetuated) - in this email there was not even an apology that we felt this way let alone any acknowledgement that perhaps the school needs to change desperately - instead a brief outline of their (known to be a absolutely useless and traumatic) system of handling cases.
Testimony 15
I have to walk around school seeing the guy who raped me every single day and pretend nothing happened.
Testimony 16
I have seen my friends be assaulted and abused and the school do nothing. In one instance the victim was asked whether or not they wanted their abuser to be expelled. the school expects the victims to know what to do and is woefully underprepared and over experienced. They are a disgrace and disgustingly apologetic for rapists.
Testimony 17
The teachers at Highgate fail to understand that it is their responsibility to hold students accountable for their actions. The school have a duty to keep their students safe and Highgate’s so called zero tolerance policy was never applied to when I was at school when many cases of sexual assault were raised. The school failed the students in protecting them and making them feel safe by not holding their assaulters accountable. The rape culture at Highgate is not a recent one and has been going on for many years- the only reason it is being talked about now is due to the media and finally needing to respond to these serious issues.
Testimony 18
When I was 13 a boy sexually assaulted a girl and multiple other testimonies from other girls were sent in alongside this to evidence the threat posed by him. He came back to school with little consequence or precaution. This is not about one boy though. This is about all the people around him, his friends who turned a blind eye, or the ones who joke about it, and worse of all, the teachers that condoned it. This really set the tone for the following years. When I was 15 a Highgate boy took me into a bathroom when I was drunk and tried to have sex with me. If it were not for my friends barging in and stopping it, I would be yet another girl assaulted by a Highgate boy. I don’t want to disclose any more of my experiences for fear of being too specific because I’m scared they’ll see and I’ll be outcasted for speaking up. I feel like a coward for this. But it’s not my fault is it. You taught us to be ashamed. You taught us not to speak up. You taught us that when we speak up, we will not be heard. I’m still recovering. I wish I grew up with decent men. I wish I learnt how to protect myself. Highgate is full of amazing people, teachers, and students, but how can an institution that is supposed to protect and educate children tolerate the sexual assault of teenage girls. Change your ways. Do not appoint a new head of welfare or giving another meaningless assembly, educate yourself and then your pupils.
Testimony 19
I personally have not experienced rape or sexual assault at the hands of boys at the school, however have many friends who have. Whether it was passing out at a party and being raped, threatened with revenge porn, or just in general made to feel unsafe by boys in the school, the most worrying thing about these atrocities was that Highgate knew. Highgate knew, yet actively protected the boys who were guilty, and hence, prevented to fulfil the most important role of a school, safeguarding it’s pupils. The rape culture within Highgate was strong and extremely normalised, friends of guilty boys did not bat an eyelid when girls came forward with accusations, and those responsible have bright lives and futures ahead of them, despite the fact that they have forever changed and altered the lives of girls they assaulted. They will never be the same again. Highgate is a school that stresses the importance of equality, free speech, and the ability of its students’ to be whoever they want to be, yet when it comes to the numerous accusations of rape and sexual assault, they are clearly too concerned with maintaining a polished image, rather than the well-being of pupils. This is illustrated by, just yesterday, turning off the comments on an Instagram post, as students vented their frustration at the school’s rape culture and inability to address it. Highgate has failed as a school. The responsibility of a school is not to produce A* A* A grades for every student for sale of publicity and ranking, but to produce respectable young adults. Given the repeated number of boys in this school who have violated women’s rights, they have failed. This school is in serious need of reform, reform which must start from the top of the Highgate. Shame on Highgate.
Testimony 20
Stuff spreads around the year pretty fast - you hear all sorts of non consensual acts that have taken place, especially when girls aren’t sober. Yet nothing seems to happen: incidents aren’t reported because the school is notorious for handling it badly, and when it does happen the attacker is suspended for a week or two, ostracised for a bit and then reaccepted. In my opinion that is because of two reasons: 1) there is a serious degree of sexism and dismissiveness of it that means people don't take it seriously; 2) the school does not take enough disciplinary action meaning pupils don’t take it seriously enough - if the punishment doesn’t fit the crime it means no one takes it seriously. The perpetrator should be removed from the environment for as long as possible.
You are told not to talk about it to your friends, and obviously this is very important to protect the individual involved, but it allows the abuser to stay shielded from any social consequences and carry on a cycle of abuse. I think this needs to be tackled.
Also, the way some boys treat girls is horrific. They rank them, compare them, and use them as trophies. They seem to coerce them into having sex so that they can lose their virginities before their friends, because they see it is a competition. This is particularly bad in the final years of middle school.
Regardless of whether this is a societal problem or unique to private schools like Highgate (probably a mix) this culture is extremely prevalent at the school and I don’t think it is a coincidence that someone drew “a school for rapists and racists” on the front gates.
It is really eye opening to see how seriously they treated drug incidents, expelling the students as soon as they could (even though these people were only causing themselves harm) compared to incidents like this where the perpetrator remains in the school environment where they can (and do) harm more girls.
I know that the school does care about us, but the fact that so many of its students think none of the teachers care about us and only about its reputation is really worrying - people should feel like they can come to school in a safe environment where they are looked after.
Testimony 21
While I did not report any sexual harassment to the school so cannot comment first-hand on how they handled it and responded, the stories I have heard, from friends not just from my year group but from all years during my time there, show how inadequately Highgate has responded to claims of sexual harassment. Their recent reaction to emails being sent to them including the video that they made and how they have handled their social media account, is frankly not good enough. This is a co-educational school so they need to start acting like one and move on from its boys boarding school culture that is still being fostered and harboured in the school corridors. In so many ways Highgate is a forward-thinking and accepting school, yet Highgate seems reluctant to help their students when it comes to sexual assault. This needs to change so start actually listening to students and start providing support.
Testimony 22
The way that they ignore and silence their own students, blatantly ignore the main issue, and don’t confront the abusers who still go to the school…
Testimony 23
The offenders don’t get properly punished since the school is too scared to do anything. it’s a “joke” or “overreacting”
i havent directly been affected by rape but people don’t take it seriously enough
Testimony 24
Rape culture consistently manifests itself in Highgate school and the teacher often turn a blind eye. From sexist comments overheard by teachers, to teachers actually witnessing their own students groping other students and not saying anything, the school consistently refuses to hold these people accountable. Even in their attempt to address this issue after being publicly outed, they continue to demonstrate just how integrated rape culture is in this school. Through using phrases like “If you feel uncomfortable in a situation just walk away” and “let’s make sure not to demonise these people (who have literally harassed and assaulted girls)”, they have just shown how tone deaf they are to our issues. It’s appalling.
Testimony 25
A picture was taken up my skirt and I was told to move past it as boys can be boys.
Not my story but someone asked me to share it for them.
Testimony 26
I got bullied by a lot of boys a few years ago and when I went to the school about it I got told it was just their way of flirting and that I should be flattered by their constant tormenting and ridiculing me.
Testimony 27
They enabled rape culture by allowing boys to get away with assaults and providing no support for victims.
It would be beneficial for these questions to be addressed in the next communication to Cholmeleians: What actions will the school take against assaulters? How do they plan to enforce that rape culture will NOT be tolerated?... a detention is simply not enough. How are they planning to protect and support victims? For anyone wanting to come forward and talk to Enya Doyle, how can you expect people to reach out if you don't provide information on how the information will be handled? What support the school will provide etc? Simply asking to mention an individual is NOT enough. This may be preventing people from coming forward.
Testimony 28
Was told that there was nothing they could do about a boy who was keeping my nudes without consent because I sent them to him in the first place and could go to prison for doing so. Was told to ‘just ignore’ the man that told me I deserved to be raped for the length of my school skirt directly outside the charter building.
Never went to the school about any pastoral issues like this again.
Testimony 29
Rape culture and misogyny is very prominent from mainly year 9 but started in year 8 for me. Pressured to send nudes and participate in stuff not suitable for 12 year olds. The school found out and did a whole year talk on the illegality of sending nudes. Some of the worst 30 mins of my life, everyone looking round staring, knowing exactly who it was directed to. Since then I have had many experiences within the school and quite traumatic experiences outside the school but I have never felt comfortable going to anyone in the school regarding it after how that nudes situation was dealt with and knowing how they dealt with other people's situations. Felt like they would inevitably dismiss it and not support me.
Testimony 30
When girls went to the school with allegations of sexual assault or rape hoping that they would be able to support them, they were instead made to sit in a room with their attacker where they would then both be asked what happened in order for ‘both sides of the story’ to be heard. Not only might this be traumatic for a survivor of rape/assault, but a survivor is also much less likely to detail the full scale of their attack while in the presence of their attacker.
Testimony 31
“Skirts are too short”, “girls aren’t only victims”, “don’t demonise men”, “not all men.”
The head of year is trying to do some things to make a change so I guess we’ll have to see where it goes.
Testimony 32
My experience at Highgate was one I have painful and mixed feelings about looking back on. I had to watch as so many of my girl friends were silenced when bravely coming forward with truths that had traumatically affected their lives. The school NEVER took these truths seriously, NEVER punished the accused and NEVER supported the victim (although I do not like using that word) in a way where they felt supported. Rape culture was everywhere, the boys in my year at Highgate made jokes constantly about rape, sexual assault and violence in front of everyone, teachers included, and nothing was ever said. The painful way in which the accused boys were not even punished for their deplorable actions, multiple punishments like suspension and reporting them to the police would have been justifiable, and instead praised on days like Prize Giving when the school very well knew they had been accused of rape disgusts me. As a woman, I feel the school has failed me, my friends and so many young women who did not deserve this. It has normalised being sexually and verbally assaulted, WHICH IS NOT NORMAL NOR ACCEPTABLE. Girls are not supported at Highgate. We are pitted against each other and in my experience when dealing with bullying, the school shames rather than supports. I felt embarrassed and ashamed when coming forward about my experience with bullying, and the bullying was made worse through the way the school handled and decided to punish the bullies.
Seeing a lot of my close friends struggle and overcome absolutely horrific experiences that they did not deserve in the face of resistance from the school with such strength is the only thing that gives me hope in this scenario. I understand that without evidence it is very hard to prosecute individuals in the name of the law, but the victim must always be believed because of the strength and pain it takes to come forward. Suggestions I have for punishing those accused of such crimes include therapy and counselling from the school on how to NOT RAPE and treat women with basic human decency, removal of the accused from any positions of responsibility, because they are clearly not responsible, and inform all teachers of the accused's behaviour and to keep a watch on them.
Testimony 33
The more time I have spent out of the school the more I have realised how little Highgate actually did to try and combat the rape culture at the school. The worst form of this failure came in the way Highgate dealt with the claims of sexual assault and rape, rarely discussing the situation openly with students and being largely dismissive of the people who came to them. This I only know because of what people who have had that experience told me, the school never addressed it publicly. The hushed treatment of these situations allowed the kind of behaviour that led to it to persist all to easily, and the cases themselves to be largely forgotten. This is what allowed the problem of the rape culture at Highgate to be largely ignored on a day to day basis. It was only ever discussed in fairly irregular assemblies, all of which were impersonal, vague and ineffective. The outpouring of both testimonies of girls at the school and a number of vile comments by some of the boys makes clear that this is not isolated or uncommon at the school. This needs to change.
2. Sexual assault (including groping and upskirting) within the school:
Testimony 34
I have left the school now after 2 years of ongoing misogynistic behaviour towards me and other girls. One example I can recall is in year 7 a boy in my science class shone his phone torch up my skirt and said ‘I found your pussy’. As an 11 yr old I didn’t understand what this word meant, I told my parents about it who reported it to the school - Highgate did nothing about it. This is just one account I experienced there were many more and multiple incidents with other girls as well.
Testimony 35
A boy in my class kept grabbing my leg during a lesson. I ended up shouting at him but the class just laughed.
Testimony 36
A boy kept on touching me and saying sexual things to me at school which made me extremely uncomfortable and upset and all his male friends would just tell me to calm down ‘it’s just a joke’ and just stood there letting it happen as I pleaded with them repeatedly for help.
Let’s not forget not a single teacher noticed even though it wasn’t subtle at all.
Testimony 37
The first time I was sexually harassed or assaulted was when I was in year 6 (at Highgate). A then friend of mine ran up to me in the school playground and grabbed my chest and ran off. I didn’t do anything other than chase him about as I was only about ten. I stopped being friends with that group in year 7 mainly because of the disgusting way they discussed girls (and their mothers!!!) in front of us. Conversations were always so loud and sexist. I feel there is this group of boys in probably every year group at Highgate. Almost all their jokes are at the expense of girls, a lot of whom are their friends. I find it hard to believe This lad / rape culture goes unnoticed by staff as these conversations and behaviours are always so loud and obvious. Luckily I have not had any other bad experiences with boys from our school, however WAY too many of my friends have. It’s so unbelievably upsetting to hear about people close to you being humiliated, exposed, taken advantage of and assaulted, then seeking help in the school only to be rejected and shut down.
Testimony 38
In year 9, the boys in my class would grope my bum and slap it in class and the teacher never said anything.
Testimony 39
People upskirting and slut shaming me and my friends. then teachers not doing anything about it when they know there is a problem. all they do is post a sexist post on instagram.
Testimony 40
I don’t like it [rape culture at Highgate].
I feel uncomfortable to walk around certain people in Highgate I’m in year 9.
Testimony 41
Once I was in the common room, taking a nap facing away from the rest of the room. A boy who’d I’d never spoken to before then said that ‘I was trying to show him my arse’. After this he took out his phone and took a video, zooming in on it, without me knowing, and sent this video to people. The only reason I found out was because he also sent it to one of my best friends who was sat next to me at the time. Although I found this weird, the atmosphere of rape culture that highgate fosters normalised it to the extent that neither my friends or I questioned it. I have only just started to realise how disgusting that behaviour was and I find it very disturbing that because similar things happen at highgate so often which are even ignored by teachers, I didn’t bat an eyelid.
Testimony 42
Boys used to touch up my legs under the desks and I was too embarrassed to say anything but teachers never said anything even though I’m pretty sure they saw. They should have addressed the boys in private after class had been let out. I dreaded sitting next to specific boys.
Testimony 43
I don’t know if this is part of it but several boys at school would always touch my bum under my skirt as I walked past. When discussed in a hypothetical conversation with a teacher we were told that the appropriate school length skirt would make this impossible and that if the girls skirts are shorter than regulation then that was why.
Testimony 44
There is so much I don’t know where to begin. One thing I remember clearly is this. Boys would go out of their way to ‘trip over’ or ‘push through a crowd of girls’ so they could look/ film under our skirts or touch are breasts. It was a big joke to them.
Testimony 45
One of my friends (female) was felt up by another male student who was in our year when they were left alone during a school event.
Testimony 46
It was an inside joke for two years about how boys looked up my skirt just as i was trying to walk up the stairs. i was 12. additionally in yr 7 i was walking in front of two boys in my class and i could hear them discussing my body. i obviously felt uncomfy and i could hear them talking about looking up my skirt and whether they could ‘bend down to tie their shoe laces to get a look’. as i tried to turn around to go walk behind them, they physically blocked me and stared down at me while laughing in my face - it was terrifying.
Testimony 47
I've been in a lesson at school where a boy slid his hand up my skirt.
Testimony 48
A boy cornered me by my locker and I told him to get off me but when I moved he followed. We treated it like a joke but I felt so uncomfortable.
Testimony 49
Many incidents immediately came to mind when I read this question. I have written down a couple below but many more similar things took place. I would like to add that I was a female student and these events happened 10+ years ago now (wow that makes me feel old!). At the time and in all the years since I have not given much thought to these incidents. They were accepted by myself and by the girls and boys around me to be a normal part of life - just "boys being boys". I was a female year 9 student walking up the stairs to my classes in Dyne House with a group of friends. There was a one way system but the stairs were very crowded because all of the year 9s were coming in from our break time at once. There was a group of boys who were also in my year behind us. As I was walking up the stairs one member of the group put his hand up my skirt and squeezed my bum really hard. Shocked, I whipped around and he smiled at me while his group of (all male) friends laughed. I know how I would respond if that were to happen to me now but as a shy 13 year old I did not know what to do and did not have the confidence either to call him out or to talk to a teacher about it. I pushed his hand away but I didn't say anything. Later, the girls in my group told me that that particular boy (who of course I cannot name) was notorious for that type of "joke". In drama class in year 9 we were sat on the floor listening to our teacher. The same boy as mentioned above was sat behind me. It was summer and we had been moving about the room (pretending to be trees I think) so I wasn't wearing a blazer or a jumper. While I sat cross-legged on the floor concentrating on the lesson this boy quickly grabbed my bra through my shirt and unfastened it. Again I whipped about to see his friends silently laughing at me while he grinned. Our teacher (who was very kind , an excellent teacher and also a man) noticed the disturbance and told us all off for interrupting the lesson. I was mortified. I remember with absolute clarity how my cheeks, ears and neck prickled as my skin burned with embarrassment. I remember shuffling slightly further forwards away from the boys behind me and focusing on the pattern of the parquet whilst fighting back tears. I did not say anything to the teacher or to the boy. I can think of at least 5 more incidents along the same vein as these which happened during school hours and I'm sure there are many more which I laughed off at the time and have since forgotten.
Reflecting back now I do think that it is sad that these things happened to me and to my friends when we were children at school. Given my own experience of the prevalence of "jokes" which involved uninvited and unwanted groping as well as lewd and disparaging comments, I am sure that this happens widely in all coeducational schools across the country. I ask myself now why we didn't go to our teachers when these things happened. I think the answer is that these incidents were so widespread and always dismissed by myself and my peers as "boys will be boys", "he fancies you, take it as a compliment", "it's just a joke", "it's just banter" etc. I think my 13 year old self would've viewed talking to a teacher about the frank harassment that I experienced as overreacting or snitching. If nothing else, the events described above which happened during my school years were good preparation for university life and for being a woman in today's society. The "rape culture" I experienced at Highgate was nothing compared to the world beyond!
3. Sexual assault and harassment outside of school:
Testimony 50
In year 9 I was at a party and I was quite drunk. This boy was following me around all night and he was completely sober. Already at this point I felt a certain inevitability about how the night would go, which is pretty disgusting if you think about it- a 14 year old being so hardened to the culture of coercion at Highgate parties that she just accepts assault as no less part of the night than getting a McDonalds on the bus-ride home. Anyway, I had gone swimming and was getting changed in the loo when he decided to come in and “help” me. I had put my underwear and trousers back on but he pushed his fingers through and tried to finger me. Even though I was drunk I begged him not to and tried to remove his hand but he said I would enjoy it. There was nobody else there so I felt as if it would be quicker and easier if I stopped resisting. He told everyone and everyone called me a slut afterwards, and actually now that I look back on it, my (undue) reputation as a “slut” led more boys to take advantage of me. Eventually I stopped going to parties and later on I moved schools.
Testimony 51
I have been sexually assaulted by a boy in my year whilst being drunk, where he made me give him head despite me feeling very unwell and out of it. I have been sent multiple horribly sexual messages and been harassed over fake videos sent to me.
Testimony 52
I went to a party in Year 10. I was getting with a boy and he asked me to give him a blowjob. I said no, and repeatedly told him I didn’t want to but he kept asking and insisting. We were in a locked bathroom and so eventually I thought that the easiest way for me to remove myself from the situation was to give him a blowjob and get out of there. I really didn’t want to and he knew that. Afterwards he told everyone and everyone called me a slut.
Testimony 53
A boy in my friendship group repeatedly asked me out over a couple of years. At a small party I got far too drunk and he put me to bed. I woke up a few hours later without my top and with pain in my pelvis. I’m not entirely sure what happened but my friends seemed happy the next morning that I finally gave him a chance and saw it as exciting rather than horrifying. I don’t talk to anyone from that group anymore and I still get asked why. I never once considered telling my school, after going to a counseling session over my anxiety when I opened up about my home life they phoned up my parents and told them everything apparently for my safety, nothing changed except I was forced to stop counseling and I never trusted them after that. Besides sexual harassment was ongoing. As young as year 8 I was constantly teased over having large breasts and was told I caused a guys first erection among other things. This was in form time. Growing up in London I never realised this was abnormal. I graduated a good few years ago and have a job now but from stories and younger siblings nothing has changed. Highgate needs to get a control of both their rape and drug culture as well as their toxic pastoral care desperately - I would never recommend any child go there.
Testimony 54
I was sexually assaulted at a party in y10. The boy grabbed my head to the point where I couldn’t move and forced me to kiss him by shoving my head towards his. While doing so he ripped my bra off in the middle of the party leaving me completely exposed and embarrassed. He was groping me and I was shouting no but no one said anything. I eventually got him off me and ran out to the garden and passed out on the floor. I didn’t go to the school about it because I knew it would cause me more pain than it would cause him. I had seen how badly they had handled my friends cases just the year before so didn’t trust them to treat mine any better. Since that day I absolutely hate physical touch even from my parents and cannot be hugged or have anyone touch my head without flashbacks.
Testimony 55
At a party a boy I was talking to started touching my thighs. I felt uncomfortable so said that I needed the bathroom in an attempt to diffuse the situation. He followed me and waited outside the door. He then picked me up in order to show how ‘strong’ he was. I didn’t want him to and was struggling so much he ended up dropping me and I hit my head. I just lay there hoping he would leave. He didn’t. I said I wanted to dance thinking he might stop if we were around other people. Instead he grabbed my hips and proceeded to grind on me. I kept grabbing my friends and trying to get away from him but he proceeded to follow me around the room. The next day I was told it was my fault for not telling him to F off and that I led him on anyway.
It’s time to stop silencing this issue and commit to creating an environment where girls feel safe and respected. The focus needs to be on preventing the events and supporting victims.
Testimony 56
I was at a house party and a male highgate pupil put his hand down my trousers without my consent. I was 15 and too drunk to know what was going on, I was really traumatised and it was made so much worse because I had to see him every day until I left the school in year 13.
Testimony 57
I got violently groped by a boy in my year but was too scared to say anything because of him and his friends.
Testimony 58
I recently left Highgate and the prominent way in which rape culture surrounded me was at parties. From year 10 to 13 we had many parties with Highgate students and some of the boys acted very predatory when intoxicated. This wouldn’t go unnoticed but it did go unsaid. Friends of the perpetrator who would lead the drunkest girls in to rooms alone would keep quiet and brush it off saying “they were drunk”.
Testimony 59
A boy who throughout year 7 and 8 was known for looking up girls skirts or sharing nude pictures used to tell me in year 10 and 11 how good my arse looked in a lesson or how peng I was and then proceed to ask me for nudes several times despite me saying no every time. I was then having a conversation in a group with him at a party and as I went to walk away from it he grabbed my arse and started kissing me and feeling me up aggressively. I never said no but I by no means consented to and remember feeling uncomfortable the whole time. He then kept asking me to go in to the bathroom with him saying “We don’t have to do anything in there” to the point where I had to leave the party an hour earlier than planned because I didn’t know how else to get away from him. This is by comparison not an awful story but it is one example of his lack of education on the issues and stemmed from Highgate’s failure to act when he was reported many years before and it was dismissed by teachers due to lack of evidence, “flirtation” or “banter.”
Testimony 60
In year 13 I went to a party and I had quite a lot to drink. I hooked up with a guy who was clearly a lot more sober than I was. He kept on asking me to go perform a sexual act and after about ten minutes I did. In retrospect I was clearly in no condition to consent. There are also large gaps in my memory of that night and I'm really worried about what might have happened in these moments. I don't even remember talking to him, I just remember being in a bathroom with him. I still don't really know what happened and though I no longer think about it for the week after I was really worried. He was well known for this sort of behaviour . By not dealing with these accusations properly the school puts other girls at risk of the same thing happening again. Though my story is not an example of this it does show how this sort of behaviour is repeated unless they are held accountable.
Testimony 61
At uni a year above who went to Highgate school decided it was okay to bite me and pick me up in the club, wrap a tie around my neck and pull me towards him, despite me looking away and not making any signs of being interested.
Testimony 62
I was followed around a party of only around 15 people and was very drunk at the time but sober enough to know what was happening. This boy (at Highgate) continued to try and isolate me from the group and push me into corners so he could kiss me. I got so scared that I had to ask one of our mutual friends to keep him away from me and luckily he did. I think a lot about what would’ve happened if I was either slightly more drunk or didn’t have someone to talk to there. This same boy has done this to multiple other girls in our year.
I’m so happy you are doing this!!
4. Failure of Highgate to educate its students:
Testimony 63
I attended Highgate in year 7 and left in year 13 and during my time there I witnessed multiple disgusting things. Even in year 9 there were stories of girls getting sexually assaulted at parties by their peers. These were peers that they would have to see in school everyday. Disgusting comments on women’s bodies and women’s place in society were made even from the young age of 11. You might think that these comments could be excused as a year 7 is a child and doesn’t know any better, but due to the lack of education surrounding the topic these comments and ideologies lingered with these men all the way through to year 13 and I’m sure they still think/say them now. Multiple women in my year and I’m sure others have come to the school with not only complaints of sexual harassment but also rape. What has been done? Absolutely nothing. The reaction from teachers and councillors is laughable and unprofessional. I have heard countless stories of my fellow peers having their experiences belittled by the male teachers they chose to trust and that is frankly disgusting. You’re a school that prides itself in diversity and inclusion yet do nothing when the minority (in this case women) come to you for help. In year 10 there was a big problem with boys sending explicit photos of students around without consent and nothing was done to stop/prevent this from happening again. I hadn’t even realised how badly you as a school handled these problems until leaving for university. Here I talk with my peers about my personal experiences and others who have experienced similar situations and how the school I was in dealt with them and only now can I see how poorly you did so. Frankly I am ashamed to tell people that I have come from such a school. As a woman myself I didn’t even realise how badly I had been brainwashed into thinking that what was happening was ok. It took me finding out that one of my best friends had raped a girl to distance myself from him. Not the multiple offences he had committed to drunk girls before. The signs were so clear but I hadn't noticed and I blame Highgate’s sh*tty education.
F*ck u.
Testimony 64
I think the main issue with rape culture at Highgate is that it has never been addressed by the school, despite being brought up numerous times by its pupils. This allows boys to think they can get away with saying or doing anything without knowing or caring about repercussions. Boys have made lists in which they rate and objectify women, talk openly about perpetuating sexual assault and rape themselves, trivialise our issues by talking over us and our experiences and trying to make it about them and their issues (which are a separate conversation, and should not be taking up space in conversations about rape culture/sexual assault towards women), pressure girls for nudes and then send them round as 'revenge porn' (for this specifically all the teachers did was tell us that girls should stop sexting rather than address behaviour in the boys) and refuse to call out their friends for anything from misogynist comments to sexual assault. They make jokes about rape and sexual assault branded as 'dark humour' and even now, with all the conversations going on right now I've seen boys telling us we won't make a difference and that we are over exaggerating the situation.
Thank you so much for organising this, it means alot!!
Testimony 65
The general disgust towards feminism I think is where it starts at Highgate. Normally boys will shut off and not listen whenever a discussion of rape culture or sexual assault arises because they don’t value women or any discussions on topics that feminists bring up. The incessant jokes around women, women’s bodies, sex, feminists, and even rape play into the narrative that women are only sexual objects for the boys at this school. The general attitude that it is a survivors problem to not see their assaulter and it is a survivors duty to tell specific details otherwise they won’t be believed also play into the rape culture at Highgate. The lack of education on sexual assault and rape leads to an abhorrent amount of victim blaming. After a friend told girls about her experience, many questioned “why didn’t you do anything, you should have got up, why didn’t you just walk away?” I think these questions come from a place of ignorance not knowing what is a typical reaction to assault and not knowing that ALL reactions are valid. In my experience the teachers of the school perpetuated rape culture as they had a distinct lack of desire to educate and change the environment in which this assault occurred.
Testimony 66
They used a video about asking for a cup of tea to teach us about consent - we saw the video once in year 10 and consent wasn’t taught again.
Testimony 67
As a boy, school has never given me or boys in our year helpful education or serious lessons on this. I'm fortunate enough that I have learnt about it from places outside of school and my friends but as an institution tasked with educating children, they haven't done a good job of teaching boys about it. I'm in no way excusing any behaviour of men due to a lack of education but, as great as it is the school opening talking spaces for people who have experienced sexual harassment and assault, the only way to get rid of problem is through radical education and culture change at the place where boys spend most of their time growing up. This issue was created and is upheld today by men and so the responsibility is on us to help fix it, and school has the responsibility to educate us about these issues, which they don't in any meaningful way.
I hope this doesn't distract from the testimonies and lived experiences that people have shared; I just thought it was important.
Testimony 68
The only time rape was talked about was through one Sex Ed class and we watched a video.
It would be great to have learnt more about the fact that it can be a friend and someone who you know. Or that even if it’s consensual to begin with one person can always say no later on and it’s okay to stop. No one should be embarrassed, no one should feel as if they have to continue. It’s your body, even if it “frustrates” one party they shouldn’t make you feel forced to or like you have to.
Testimony 69
No complex discussions of consent – e.g. (outside of school) boys doing everything they can to get girls drunk so that they let them do what they want - there may have been verbal consent but that’s not enough.
Testimony 70
Throughout school how many anti-bullying assemblies or PSHE sessions do we need? But not once, not even once do they talk about rape - or if they do it’s back of an alley in the dark when in actual fact it could be anywhere, your boyfriend, your best friend and they don’t even mention that it’s so important to say NO - or how to deal with these situations rather than show a tea video because they are too scared to admit you are sitting next to someone who could rape you?? Or even mention anything about sexual coercion. The conversations you hear in the hallways or classrooms about the way some people could talk about their classmates is just ignored by everyone, you would think school is a safe space where a teacher would call them out but no, it’s just out of sight out of mind? You tell them you were raped oh sorry it was out of school time doesn’t count like what? Or were you under the influence, maybe you aren’t remembering right? Not to mention the fact that if the victim isn’t as academically as strong as the rapist they won’t change a thing and people who are more academically strong for the school are protected?
Testimony 71
Despite knowing individuals who had committed sexual offences, the majority of boys remained friends with them and ignored what their female peers were telling them. They made no effort to speak to their male friends about making a change in behaviour or console the victims but instead made jokes and flaunted their friendship with the perpetrators in front of the victims. EDUCATE YOUR STUDENTS on the correct behaviour to adopt when one of their friends has been accused or has been a victim of sexual assault.
The whole time I was at Highgate there were no clear guidelines whatsoever on what to do to help a friend in a vulnerable situation. Do better.
Testimony 72
Highgate doesn’t do anything when it comes to rape culture, they always try to run away from problems instead of facing them. Every day it gets worse and they still can’t talk about rape culture and the consequences of it. Only a few boys from my year acknowledge rape culture and how awful it is and that is just truly upsetting. Do better Highgate, you’re disappointing everyone atm.
Testimony 73
To give Highgate credit where its due, i think that the conversations that needed to be happening on this topic were beginning to be talked about when i was at school, but more in contexts that seemed quite far removed e.g. we might look at some derogatory thing that Trump had said about a woman and talk about why it was wrong etc in a house meeting for example, but there was not so much discussion of everyday sexism occurring in schools and how lad culture / rape culture is both harmful to girls (evidently) and boys (perhaps not so obvious in the eyes of school students) because of the way boys might be (often subconsciously) coming to view their female peers only in virtue of their function as a sexualised being / object. I think for the most part (or at least I would hope) intelligent boys like those at a school like Highgate understand that sexual harassment is wrong, but have not been given any kind of education about the ways in which sexism is very apparent in girls' lives from a young age and often boys' actions growing up lend to that sexist attitude. In my experience, i've found that boys start to learn more about sexism from conversations with their friends during university - while this is great, it feels rather late considering the fact that girls start to experience sexism and unwarranted sexualisation from the early teenage years - therefore more could be done during the school years.
Testimony 74
It’s awful and there are so so so many issues but I would say the main is that the boys (and some girls) genuinely don’t understand that what they are doing is bad - a group of boys would share girl’s nudes on a group chat and if you didn’t share enough nudes you would get removed. They also feel up girls and thought the girls took all of this as a compliment. They genuinely don’t understand how upsetting and triggering this stuff is, and now they’re all too afraid to call out their friends because they all know they are guilty of things themselves so they all stick by their friends and I don’t see how any change can be made with this mindset.
Testimony 75
My mum sent an email to the school in 2019, explaining that I had been sexually harassed on the bus while wearing my Highgate uniform. She explained that this should be something that Highgate should add to the PSHE curriculum and to focus the conversation on educating boys, and giving methods people can use to be safer when travelling home. This email was received, however nothing was ever done to combat this issue. Highgate did not attempt to educate anyone on the matter, and failed to let girls know that their voices were heard.
Testimony 76
I had no personal experiences with sexual harassment or assault, yet coming from Highgate you cannot deny the culture is undeniably rife. Alongside drugs and classism, such stuff will always be more covert than how it is generally outside of the school. Educating socially ignorant students would be a key step forward for me, as in my experience Highgate had a lot of these.
Testimony 77
Sex Ed was taught infrequently and allowed to be taken as a joke by the teachers - in year 12 we were given scenarios of sexual assault and had to explain what we’d do etc. I of course was presumed to act as the drunk girl in the situation who was being taken upstairs at a party by a sober guy. The boy in my class (who was new and quiet) said that he would leave it an hour then come up and help. Everyone in the class laughed, including myself, and we went onto the next scenario but it should’ve been made clear by the teacher that it’s not a funny scenario and that what he said was not the right response. The teacher should’ve explained in detail the problems of that situation and how the boy should’ve answered - not just moving on because it was an unexpected response. That kind of scenario happens a lot and a lot of boys don’t understand the severity of their actions in such a situation. No one should be taken advantage of and then told it was their fault for being too drunk. Boys should be taught in school how this is not okay and taught how to act appropriately. Teachers in Highgate need to be trained if they are doing PSHE lessons or trained professionals need to be brought it - a maths teacher doesn’t know the latest information about sexual assault yet they’re allowed to teach young people on it even though they don’t know themselves - this is a major problem.
Testimony 78
The only times that we were ever told anything about consent as a year group was when we were shown the Tea Consent video in Dyne House Auditorium. Given that those sessions were extremely passive, they were used as an excuse by the year as a whole to switch off. We were never taught anything else about consent - e.g. that rape can happen within relationships, stealthing etc, but I remember vividly being taught what to do if someone was following me in the street. This perpetuated the idea that all rapists are creepy strangers who lurk in dark alleyways and failed to equip us with any further knowledge about rape/sexual assault.
Testimony 79
My experience of rape culture at Highgate has always been there from when I joined the school. When I was younger I wouldn’t call people out on it but I always felt uncomfortable when boys would talk about girls in dehumanising ways and objectify me and my friends. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learnt to call out these sexist and misogynistic behaviours but I can’t change a whole group of boys’ mindset by myself I need the school's help and support. Their efforts have frankly been futile and they must do better moving forward. I don’t want to be told off for the colour of my bra or length of my skirt or told I’m being bossy whereas my male counterpart is strong minded. To make a joke and not be told off by a teacher when 5 minutes before the male class clown has said the same thing and been praised. Highgate do better to make me and my friends feel valued and safe.
Testimony 80
It is difficult to define exactly the extent to which the School should be allowed to intervene in its pupils’ social lives, but what is clear is that nowhere near enough is being done, at present, to eliminate the abhorrent social precedents that seem to be so rife among many (male) friendship groups - and not just at Highgate, but throughout the private school ‘bubble’. The awful things that some girls have gone through is no mystery to the School, and yet no substantive action to reprimand those involved ever seems to be taken. The fact remains that for a guy to ask for consent before performing sexual acts (typically to/with a girl) is not the absolute minimum - this is criminal, and is a harrowing reflection on not only the standard among guys, but the School’s PSHE system. Not once during my time at Highgate were we ever sat down and given a serious talking-to about what consent means, and the dangers associated with not explicitly receiving it from somebody, particularly within the context of motives/house parties/etc (in spite of what the School knows is going on outside its gates). The one assembly we did have with that ‘Tea and Consent’ video perfectly encapsulates the frivolous and spineless approach that exists towards this topic; dancing around the subject with cringeworthy analogies, rather than approaching it head-on and concretely, hardly does anything to reform the view of someone who might have had a contorted attitude towards the nature of consent beforehand. The School simply has to do its duty in the education of its students, by making real changes on its part to address the problem that exists.
5. Rape culture, misogyny and the objectification of female pupils by their peers
Testimony 81
Rape culture was rampant at Highgate. The environment felt very much like an all boys school that had taken female pupils in recent years. I left the school in 2017 and in my year there was an atmosphere of boys vs girls in some of the prominent friendship groups which left a sour taste in the mouth and sullied a lot of my final experiences at the school. The boys as a group were loud, obnoxious and domineering in classrooms and in the common room. They felt entitled to occupy certain spaces and make noise and revelled in the fact that this made others (particularly their female counterparts) uncomfortable. Amongst these groups objectification of women was commonplace, including comments about women as sexual objects, comments of their peers physical appearance, gloating about sexual encounters and a general immaturity towards sex. Whilst the girls were frequently reminded that this was just 'banter' and that they needed to 'lighten up', the causal link between these kinds of discourse and actual sexual violence against women at the school was evident. In my year a pupil was expelled for online, verbal sexual abuse against a fellow pupil (abuse which was shared in a group chat). Not only were the other members of that group chat never held accountable for their complicity, the school proceeded to display more of an interest in the mention of illegal drugs in that group chat than in the abusive and sexist messages. This event marked a particular change in the year group as certain groups hardened into opposition between the girls who called our instances of rape culture and sexism at school and the boys who deemed it acceptable to blindly defend one of their friends, whose expulsion they apparently deemed unjust. Multiple attempts to engage senior staff ([insert name of senior member of staff]’s name springs to mind...) in the issue of widespread sexism across the year only resulted in a 'well if you think there's a problem do something to fix it' kind of response. As a result members of my year group had to get up in front of the entire year in assembly in an attempt to educate peers on casual sexism, feminism and rape culture. It should NOT be the responsibility of pupils to educate other pupils on why rape culture is wrong, it is the school's job to take this issue seriously and appropriately educate and punish its pupils. The school repeatedly displays more of an interest in its PR and optics than a care for its pupils attempting to hush instances of sexual violence to protect its own image (multiple instances of the school helping rapists or sexual assaulters with their [insert name of prestigious university] applications displays a disgusting disregard for victims AND a dismissal of the severity of the perpetrators actions in order to bolster the school's Oxbridge figures).
In general, I can recall countless instances of casual sexism at school; repeated mornings spent in registration having to defend why I identified as a feminist while form tutors would sit in the corner unengaged, being split into sets in A level History that were apparently 'randomly' gendered into one all-male set and one all-female set (that were implicitly a 'top' and 'bottom' set), comments from teachers about my all-female English class being 'knitting group'... All of this combined to make Highgate a difficult environment as a young woman, and I am speaking as a cis-gendered, white woman who has not been a victim of sexual violence. In spite of all of these privileges, I was made to feel uncomfortable on countless occasions by fellow pupils and teachers alike.
Testimony 82
I was part of a friendship group which truthfully created a really toxic atmosphere regarding women in terms of almost taking pride in screwing over girls and just talking about them in a generally demeaning way. This all culminated in one of those boys sexually assaulting a girl and looking back if we as a group called out comments and smaller micro aggressions regarding attitudes towards women perhaps the horrible event could have been prevented. Whilst Highgate maybe gave the odd assembly on toxic masculinity it never truly discussed how even tiny comments can contribute to creating an atmosphere where sexual assault and harassment can take place. This also needs to start from a much younger age even before sex is a big issue as if tiny comments seem okay in year 7/8 it can snowball and snowball into much bigger issues.
Testimony 83
Trivialising the experiences of women, sexual abusers remaining popular and silencing women trying to speak out against these issues were all common. I remember one class in year 12 politics when several boys in the class were arguing partial responsibility for public sexual harassment and catcalling lay with women for what they were wearing, and ignoring the protests and rightful outrage of the women in the class in response. The male teacher did nothing, and allowed this conversation to continue without stepping in. As a man in that class, I am ashamed I didn't speak out against that unacceptable discourse. Boys who were known to have sexually harassed women were treated as normal, and nothing was ever really said about it. Looking back, it must have been incredibly difficult for those women to be constantly confronted by their abusers, and have them accepted and popular within the school community. There was no culture of being an active bystander, no awareness or teaching of how being a good ally, no "calling out" culture. I learned nothing outside of "don't rape women" and "non-consent isn't always just no" while at school, and that is simply not good enough. Only since going to university have I become more aware how harmful the way we talk about and with women in both mixed and single gender spaces can be. Most people become sexually active while at school, and they need to receive better education if anything is going to change. I have been shocked at how young many of the women sharing their stories on everyone's invited are, demonstrating how vital this education is for young men. They must be taught about rape culture. They must be taught how to be an active bystander. They must be taught about how damaging constantly tying women's worth to their looks, their rating out of ten, how many guys they've sexually engaged with, is. Nothing will change until men start calling other men out, and changing the current discourse. The school has a responsibility to educate its male students and protect its female students. It has failed miserably on both counts, and as an alumni I am disappointed and outraged at how ill-prepared and unaware I was upon leaving school of these issues. I was encouraged by efforts to start a discourse with students in their recent email, but the school did not accept responsibility or acknowledge its failures. It then turned off the comments on multiple instagram posts when students pointed out its hypocrisy - so much for that discourse. This failure in education is alongside, and to be honest secondary to, the complete refusal of highgate to actually combat sexual abuse. I have no first-hand experience of this, but I have been disgusted to repeatedly hear accounts of the school doing nothing, and I mean nothing, to combat reports of sexual abuse. Rapists remained at the school, and were not punished. This is in sharp contrast to anyone caught doing drugs, who were immediately expelled. Shows where their priorities are I suppose. A zero-tolerance policy must actually be adopted, rather than just spoken about or claimed to exist. Institutional and cultural change are needed. Harsher punishments and better education are needed. Less hypocrisy and more honesty are needed. I desperately want the school to be better, but it has to acknowledge its failures, apologise, and introduce real, meaningful change. Please don't miss this opportunity. Please stop letting all your past and present students down.
Testimony 84
Since Y7 I’ve always found it to be certain boys who would create a really toxic and uncomfortable school environment by judging every aspect of the girls in a way that made learning difficult in some lessons. I have heard some genuinely cruel remarks being made about girls’ appearances quite publicly and the teachers in the lessons completely turned a blind eye, even though all the pupils heard. From a very young age this would make me dread going to certain lessons, as I feared I would be the victim of such comments that would shatter anyone’s self-esteem. I personally have experienced being groped under the table by boys that I was placed next to, when it was beyond clear that I was uncomfortable and scared. Unfortunately, even these experiences seem like nothing compared to what some other girls have been through, and what I’ve dealt with only scratches the surface. The truth is that rapists and perpetrators of sexual violence run amok at this school.
Testimony 85
I was ordered in a list of girls who these boys would most like to “f*ck”, guys comparing the size of my boobs with other girls, teachers being ignorant, general lack of respect, a severely inadequate PSHEE curriculum ignoring rape, workplace abuse, what to do in the even of a rape/sexual assult, how to protect yourself even more generally, cat calling, etc.
Please consult with your pupils
Testimony 86
A boy who coerced girls into sending him explicit pictures of themselves at the early age of 12 is still at the school. He manipulated and blackmailed girls with these images; threatening a girl that he would share them if she did not go to his school on the last day of term and do whatever he wanted to her IN YEAR 8. This was year 8. The school told the GIRLS off for sending nudes; holding an assembly in an attempt to embarrass, humiliate and SHAME the girls not the boys who coerced and harassed the girls to send them.I was made to stay seated next to him in lessons despite me being uncomfortable and this involving me. Boys made heinous comments about me in lessons, namely science where boys called me "F*ggot" and asked me explicitly about my bisexuality which at the time I was not comfortable with discussing. Rape culture was prevalent and horrible.
Testimony 87
“If she tells anyone I’ll stab her”
Testimony 88
“she deserves to get raped wearing that”
Testimony 89
I heard a guy say “she was so out of it she didn’t even notice I was touching her.”
Testimony 90
Rape culture was prolific at Highgate School and the staff were aware of it, but did very little to tackle the issue. I remember clearly [insert senior member of staff] giving an assembly recognising the sexism in the community and chiding the boys in my year but it had little impact.
- I would arrive at parties and be told that boys had decided they wanted to kiss me (or further) before I had even arrived, leading me to have to warn friends to keep an eye on me and make sure that I wasn't cornered.
- I felt extremely pressured to reach certain stages sexually in my relationship and had boys openly judge me to my face for my personal decisions about what I was/wasn't comfortable with. The word "frigid" was thrown around regularly in Year 9 and 10, which were extremely difficult years for the girls in the year whilst the boys were going through puberty.
-There was a lot of inappropriate touching and unwanted "massages" during lessons from boys to girls, and it was impossible to speak up when there were teachers in the room for fear of causing a scene.
- In Year 9, the boys constructed a "tier system" ranking girls in Tier 1, 2 or 3 based on their attractiveness. It was very degrading and massively knocked the confidence of young girls at a difficult stage in physical and emotional development
- A boy in the year pressured me into sending nudes, which he then screenshotted and circulated among all the boys in the years, even showing them to my girlfriends, who didnt defend me or ask them to delete the images. I would never have felt confident to come forward to the school about this for fear of being shamed for doing something like that at a young age. Revenge porn was not yet illegal and exchanging nude pictures was not part of the sex education, so I didnt realise the potential implications of the situation. It was extremely alienating and I still think about it to this day.
- I graduated in 2018 and my year was supremely sexist and there is a very obviously identifiable group of boys who were responsible for misogynistic, coercive behaviour that objectified girls and to this day will have negatively impacted girls' self-image and sexual confidence.
- Homophobia was also prolific.
I implore the school to construct an absolute no-tolerance policy with regards to sexual assault and misogyny. I am perfectly aware of boys (who I would be willing to name and shame) who have raped and sexually assaulted underage girls, particularly in years below me. I am also aware that survivors have come forward to the school and had very limited support. Please do better in the future, as my year group were failed. I would like to say that I am aware that boys are victims of sexual assault too and that these comments are most likely not exclusive to female students.
I think it is worth suggesting that the school opens up an anonymous portal through which survivors and victims can contact people that were responsible for rape culture against them at school. Sadly so many people that committed horrible acts so young may not see themselves in the testimonies going online on everyone's invited and other platforms. In so many cases, it is too late to be entirely liberated from past traumas, but we may at least be able to make people reflect on their behaviour and pay attention to the ongoing movement against rape culture.
Thank you so much for doing this, it is so brave and will provide enormous relief for students who were never able to get help from the school during their time there :)
Testimony 91
Very common to talk about girls being slutty, giving head in toilets, being easy at parties, getting too drunk/ high. All in a critical manner. Meanwhile boys were applauded as ‘players’. It was an everyday experience for girls to be made uncomfortable by boys, and teachers would often not react and make no changes. Really upsetting that a girl got fingered against her will in a lesson and the boy was allowed to remain at the school and was treated normally just a short time after his temporary punishment of isolating.
Testimony 92
Throughout my school experience I have constantly been exposed to such degrading views of women amongst certain male friendship groups. I have overheard many conversations, with some of the more alarming ones including males boasting about how long they can last, and persisting to talk about how girls have fallen asleep yet certain boys have continued to persist in sexual acts, and see no wrong in this even thought they have been unconscious. The amount of similar stories within Highgate I have heard is distressing. What many boys deem jokey banter is often frankly disgustingly degrading conversations about women, and it is just so ingrained in their perspectives on life and it’s extremely off putting.
Testimony 93
I was coerced into sending photos of myself to someone one weekend. The next Monday at school 2 boys came up to me and asked me what I did that weekend, at first I was confused. They started laughing and told me they knew what I’d done because they’d seen the photos. I felt really awkward about it and sick to my stomach. I couldn’t say anything because the boy would have obviously denied it. The teachers at Highgate were always quick to tell people who came forward about these things to “be careful” because we could “ruin someone’s life” if we lied…
Maybe if we’d had more comprehensive sex education lessons those boys would know that it’s not just showing someone a photo... it’s child pornography ( I was 14/15)
Testimony 94
All the guys, even the ‘nice ones’ do absolutely nothing when they’re entire friend group are slut shaming/objectifying women and make excuses like ‘you can’t take anything he says seriously’. The guys who call themselves feminists to the girls, are sexist and gross being our backs. They know it’s bad so they pick and choose when to be a ‘nice guy.’
Testimony 95
Constantly hearing jokes about rape, and whenever i ask anyone to stop i get told to ‘shut the f*ck up’ and get shamed for having them make me uncomfortable.
Testimony 96
I found that at parties with boys who I went to Highgate with, they thought if you were having a conversation with you that they were entitled to a kiss or something more. I found myself in multiple situations where I have been pushed against a wall by different guys and that hasn’t changed since I’ve come to university. When we came back to school on Monday instead of an apology, you would hear it doesn’t matter they were only drunk (boys defending each other) and then you would get the classic Monday jokes e.g oh she’s a bit of slut did you hear she got with “his name”.
Testimony 97
The prominence and normalisation of “locker room chat” amongst boys at highgate with group chats discussing and degrading girls and sharing nudes they had received.
Testimony 98
An upsetting amount of guys I know firmly believed and argued that it’s women’s fault when they’re raped cuz guys have ‘instincts’ and we need to cover up. The school found out and instead of actually doing something to change this harmful view held by pupils they’re responsible for, they made one of them say sorry.
Testimony 99
When I was in year 9, a group of year aboves cornered me in the boys changing rooms and told me if I wanted to start hooking up with girls at house parties I should get them drunk because as soon as they're on alcohol 'they'll do anything you want'. This is just a small example of the everyday misogyny I witnessed in Highgate. The constant telling girls off about skirt length, and sending them home in the sixth form home for not abiding to the uniform regulations (whilst as far as I can remember not ever teaching us about consent) undoubtedly formed the culture of slut shaming which was so prevalent throughout my time there. We had innumerable instagram 'gossip girl' accounts made in our year calling girls sluts and whores for just making out with boys at parties. When these were taken to the school, we were given assemblies on the allegations made on the account that certain individuals were doing drugs. They never once confronted the misogyny in these incidents of cyber bullying, the [insert name of senior member of staff (pastoral and academic)] was only concerned about the reputation of his school. We also had very few (actively outspoken) feminists in our year, one was particularly bullied and tormented for her views as if we were living in the 1950s, which you would not expect from a North London school which claims to be so progressive. This school breeds misogyny and toxic masculinity and I hope that in light of the testimonies on @everyonesinvited, the 'lads group' in our year and those who slut shamed/ were complicit in sexism and rape culture in other forms, are seriously reflecting on the environment they created for girls throughout their secondary school experience.
Testimony 100
About 50% of the time I tell a guy I like women, their response is either, can u let me watch or does that mean you like threesomes. They also talk about women as things they would do, they never consider the fact that women don’t want to ‘do’ them. I need men in Highgate to learn that this is the real world and we aren’t existing for them to have sex with.
Testimony 101
There were always boys known for getting with girls who were too drunk and then pressuring them into doing more. I know this isn’t about rape but at A-levels you would have male student visibly talk down to female teachers in a way they would never do to their male counterparts. This is fundamentally disrespectful and is indicative of the arrogance among many male students.
Testimony 102
My experience of Highgate School’s rape culture and their response to sexual assault includes the following: I believe that sexual assault has been normalised within Highgate. Multiple stories arose from the middle school years of the person who eventually raped me committing other sexual assaults. However, these offences were never labelled as assaults and instead his friends would relay to the girls that it was 'a bit dodgy' but that they trusted him and that he was 'a good guy at heart'. He was part of a friendship group that constantly pushed the boundaries of consent and repeatedly treated women without respect. The person that raped me had previously told me that pulling me was 'like stealing candy from a baby' and has humiliated me in front of other people as well as discussing me in detail with his friends. One of his friends asked me to 'let [him] slip it in' when I was with him at a party (to which I said no because I do know how to say no). This person proceeded to discuss me in detail with his friends and even distort the truth of the event. I found out from another member of this friendship group in what detail I had been discussed when he said 'X says you like it like this'. After I had been raped and taken advantage of, a fourth member of this group asked me to text him the details of the rape in order for him and his friends to decide whether they wanted to be friends with my rapist or not. Whilst they reprimanded him, they did not exclude him despite believing me. This person repeatedly expressed his sympathies to me and his determination to not be friends with him or have to engage with him. However, a couple months later I found out that he was still friends with him and had just come back from holiday where he and a friend had hired prostitutes (no judgement but I think it has meaning in the wider context of their general behaviour and relatively still young age). An aforementioned member of this group used to emotionally manipulate me and did this to another girl as well. This is only the treatment I experienced at the hands of these boys but I know that there are many other girls who have felt disrespected and mistreated by them. This sort of behaviour was normalized and praised and made it impossible for girls to speak out. These boys protected each other thus 'facilitating [their] worst traits' (one member of group) and I believe are still friends with him today.
Testimony 103
I was told a boy who had liked me for a while masturbated to videos (tiktoks) of me. I was extremely uncomfortable when I found out and asked the guy who told me (my boyfriend at the time and the other guys best friend) to ask him to stop. I don’t know if he did or not. It didn’t seem very important to him.
i made excuses for him though. ‘it’s cause he likes me so much’ and ‘he is actually a really nice guy’. I also blamed myself saying the videos I put on the internet were somewhat provocative and I chose to put them out there. It was year 8 so me and my friends had no idea what it meant and that it was a bad thing. I thought feeling uncomfortable was unjustified and stupid. I still feel so embarrassed when I think about it or sometimes when I see him.
This isn’t directly to do with highgate. However, it’s one of their students and they should know these kind of things aren’t ok.
Testimony 104
Too many misogynistic comments are made daily. As a joke or not I'm uncomfortable and teachers who are clearly in ear shot do not prevent it. What kind of safeguarding environment is this meant to uphold.
Testimony 105
Terrible.
What do you expect when all the people in top positions in the school are old private school boys? This was the culture they grew up with and it is the culture they teach.
Testimony 106
Since year 7 being called a slut by random boys if they didn’t like you. Constantly sexualised from a young age, hearing comments about your body, being ‘rated’ or ‘ranked’. From year 10 people discussing your ‘body count’, again being labelled a slut and a slag. Teachers failing to shut up blatantly misogynistic conversation for want of ‘freedom of speech’, yet constant talks on bullying... Being made to feel so guilty in year 8 in a talk about nudes and sending/ receiving them when boys would BEG for them and then proceed to distribute them and share them around school and the girls were made to feel guilty about this. Through my brother I would hear people in younger years labelling me a slut ?? No education on sexual coercion and the peer pressure of sex at a young age.
Our form teacher in year 10 and 11 used to measure our skirts with rules and subsequently touch our legs etc. Brought it up multiple times to our head of house, nothing changed. Also rapists and sexual abusers aren’t expelled ?
Testimony 107
I personally am lucky enough to not have experienced serious sexual assault, but the things I hear from the a lot of the boys in our school is disgusting. The jokes they make about it as if no one can hear them and staff not calling them out is terrifying. I feel so sick whenever serious issues are met with laughter that completely sugar coats and downplays certain issues, and that’s basically what all assemblies and talks have done. I am always uncomfortable and know for a fact that if I say anything in particular situations I’ll just be shut down or laughed at. This is especially true in light of recent events, where the school has in a way shown their true colours and where their priorities lie. It’s outrageous how concerned they are with publicity and how they look to the outside when they’re hiding students with duct tape over their mouths on the inside. They’ve also on countless occasions tried to defend their actions with reasonings like ‘we need to consider how this will affect everyone concerned’ when they only consider the people who might make them look bad if they are attacked.
Testimony 108
Fundamentally speaking, the boys at Highgate are some of the most privileged people in society: male, predominantly white, intelligent and wealthy. Although they believe they are educated on issues regarding social injustice, they aren’t. As a female from a minority background, I may remark that a lot of the normalised “banter” between boys within my year group was incredibly sexist and racist. An example of which is where caucasian boys in my year group would ask if I’d give the “n-card” - permission for them to sign the n-word. The most distressing thing is the boy’s response to claims made by their female peers which they saw as an overreaction or just pure lies. Regardless, the boys overall have a general disregard for the feelings and emotions of their peers, distinctly ignoring the realities of those other than themselves; many of which took a NIMBY approach to these type of situations.They typically refuse to take accountability themselves for their actions or will question their friends about their actions, with simple remarks such as, “Well if it was that bad the school would have intervened and done something.” Knowing this, I understand Highgate’s heads of staff aren’t a criminal juridical system, however the lack of inquiry into allegations put forward to the school is truly disheartening. An incident happened where an action of sexual assault had taken place between two pupils within my year group. Although I can’t speak on the truly uncomfortable feeling that the female student must have endured having to see her assaulter daily, I can speak on the response that the boys took. A response which truly upset me. While at school, I was very close to the boys within that friendship group, and therefore was aware that the assaulter had disclosed to the boys what had happened, in a way that led them to believe that he had acted inappropriately, however the assaulter didn’t see fault with his actions. Moreover, the boys all knew and understood the severity of his actions but did nothing. Furthermore, others tried to express to the boys why their friend’s actions were abhorrent, and that these boys should call him out; all these remarks were ignored. The pupils at Highgate need to be educated properly, and not through school-vetted speakers but through assemblies or events curated by recently past or current students. It is an uncomfortable situation to talk about, however this is the reality for many of the students at Highgate, which is incredibly disheartening. Highgate is a great school academically and offers amazing extra curricular activities; however, the school lets down its students through pastoral and social issues- problems which make up a large proportion of the overall Highgate experience.
Testimony 109
I fortunately have never been physically assaulted by a Highgate pupil, however the issue of rape culture in Highgate school is something that has affected a vast majority of girls in the school. From overhearing boys’ conversations about how many “bitches they’ve gotten”, to sharing nudes without consent around in large group chats with fellow male classmates by the time we were in Year 9, girls are continuously violated without sufficient, if any intervention from the school. Many times the conversations in the common room first thing Monday morning was who got assaulted the weekend before at parties. A boy in my year was known within the cohort to have raped not one, but TWO girls, and was still allowed by senior members of the school to exist within our community, where many other schools would have taken the first assault as enough grounds to suspend or expel the student. Highgate has continually proven that they would rather protect their image as “independent school of the year” than protect their female students. The scarce attempts that were made to address the issue were superficial at best, and did nothing to actually address the issue (see the infamous “Tea video” on consent, which was a laughing stock in my year as well as others.)
Testimony 110
Throughout year 12 a boy in my friend group was continuously making advances towards all my friends, myself included. He constantly made us uncomfortable, commenting on the way we looked in clothes to such an extent where a friend of mine refused to wear certain things. He forced himself on one of my friends and actively pressured me to do sexual things in one of the common rooms. If we said anything about it he would blame it on us being “too irresistible”, or that he was just being a nice guy. This behaviour was actively encouraged by his friends and was perpetuated by the general atmosphere among male sixth form students. When we said enough was enough and cut him off, he became extremely passive aggressive and spread false information about us. We never came forward as we were unsure as to what the school would actually do anything, let alone believe us. I know we weren’t alone in these experiences, it’s tragic it’s taken someone dying for anyone to act.
Testimony 111
I felt highly sexualised by boys from the age of 13. Everything from commenting on my bra size, to explicit sexual comments. When I started dating, it got even worse and I felt powerless to report it to anyone. Most of it happened during class but the teachers said nothing.
Nude photos of underage girls were traded around and everyone was aware of it. But the school did nothing. Do better, Highgate.
Testimony 112
1) When I was in year 7 we were in an assembly in dyne house auditorium and those seats basically highlighted your ass to the point where it sticks out. and one time all the "popular" boys sat behind me and started to touch my ass. like wtf. I brought it to a teacher's view and he said he can't do anything because there is no proof. also i couldn't say anything as it was an assembly and in y7 i was afraid to speak up because i was still scared ( and also we never had lessons on what rape culture was).
2) Some girls in hg don't want to "support feminism" as they are too popular to do it, they don't want to join the emails we are all writing because their notifications will be spammed. There is a separation between people who want to do something and people dont care. There isn't enough education about what is happening or why it is bad.
Testimony 113
The fallout from instances of sexual violence/assault/harassment are presented as a series of superficially-emotional hoops the perpetrator must jump through so to be reaccepted as a member of the year group and amongst various social circles. Young people are left to reprimand and socially sentence one another due to the resignedly accepted knowledge that the school will be wilfully inactive in its ‘attempts’ to do the same. Certain instances have left individuals traumatised, their friends justifiably seething and families distraught. The level of isolation victims must feel immediately following incidents is surely worsened by the fact that they can find themselves sat opposite their abuser in shared school spaces, knowing how likely they are to share those spaces until the end of their time at Highgate. I can confidently say the overwhelming majority of males in my year group, myself included, has helped to perpetuate Highgate’s prominent rape culture. We have failed to properly deal with friends and we have failed to properly treat, respect and listen to victims. That will stay with me indefinitely.
You, as a school body, are not Pontius Pilate, collectively washing your hands of ‘melodramatic, adolescent scrapes’ - you are silent accomplices.
Testimony 114
Unfortunately, I feel that there was lots of misogyny throughout my experience at Highgate School. Not just personally, but on a culture level. There are an uncountable number of times when I was groped when queuing in the tunnel to dyne house. I remember down to lunch alone and hearing comments from boys behind sexualising my legs. We had no talks on what constituted rape or sexual assault or micro aggressions relating to these. However, we did have numerous other talks on seemingly pressing topics, for example whether cannabis should be legalised. Being the only girl in my maths class, I witnessed the sexual ‘jokes’ targeted towards my 2 female teachers by the boys in every lesson I had. It made me (and I believe both of my teachers) uncomfortable. Due to the aggression the boys would show to each other and in their derogatory discussions about women and their bodies, I did not feel safe to ask them to stop these discussions, despite them continuing. I feel perhaps because this behaviour was so normal they believed it was ok. The fact that I am even trying to reason or excuse them doing this reflects why nothing ever was addressed - the behaviour is endemic, it is infiltrated throughout the school, it’s not going to stop so what’s the point? It’s not causing physical harm so surely it is not serious? None of the boys were called this out on these behaviours and the topic became self-perpetuating - the more they discussed it, the more they encouraged one another to discuss it and it was positively received and reinforced within the group. Teachers seemed almost immune or desensitised to it. Most teachers appeared afraid of the male students and if they were told to stop, the instance would not be followed up - which just cultivated the toxic behaviour as there appeared to be no negative consequences to their actions (their peers would praise them for it, almost like a badge of honour). If this is what happened during a lesson, you can imagine that what went on outside the classroom was much worse. The school is a boys school which takes girls too and it very much felt that way.
Testimony 115
Sexist micro-aggressions have always been treated as appropriate, interesting discussing points in classroom settings. Examples include: "There is no problem with sexualising and objectifying women to sell products" and "Rape culture doesn't exist". Teachers never tell the students off for sharing their misogynistic and ignorant attitudes. When the girls in the class try to argue back, the teachers often seem more concerned with keeping the peace, than actually educating or changing the minds of the sexist boys.
Testimony 116
There is a disturbing rape culture at Highgate, and what strikes me as the most worrying thing is that it happens from such a young age that I personally did not realise that actions many boys took were wrong, let alone a form of assault, until I look back and realise they definitely were. In Year 8, boys would take photos or look under girls skirts constantly. It was almost a game. Simply walking up the stairs was threatening. In Year 8 again, relentless comments would be made about your appearance - guessing the bra size of girls, asking them if they had a thigh gap, and openly rating their appearance, making fun of those who were not “pretty” or “thin”. Boys eroded the self confidence of many girls, then praised them, then harassed/coerced them for nudes- and spread them to other boys and even other schools. This erosion of self worth personally led me to have an ED and extreme anxiety for 3 years, and coupled with the school’s emphasis on academic achievement, an unhealthy relationship with work. I was deeply unhappy from y8-12. There were admittedly other factors (SA but from a non Highgate boy) for me. However, girls are dealing with this all the time and are made to obsess over their image and it starts very young. I think Highgate also needs to address intersectional issues too- I have heard sexualising and degrading comments made to ethnic minorities and these must be addressed. I still believe I am working through some of these issues years later; I have learnt to emotionally block everything as a defence mechanism, impacting my relationships now. I just wish Highgate could have given easier or more transparent access to address this earlier- whether girls appear confident or happy, I am convinced they all share a common experience of these issues, and many don’t seek help as they are exactly that- confident/intelligent/perfectionist- and so victim blame and invalidate their own experiences.
Testimony 117
When I was fourteen, I dated a male student in my year at Highgate, who repeatedly sexually harassed me. He believed that girlfriends were only 'for sex' and convinced me that I was abnormal for not wanting it. Without asking for consent, he would undress himself, or shove my hand down his trousers, or try to undress me in school. He made me believe I was the problem. Under pressure, I reluctantly consented to sex. He had warped my idea of it so much that even though I hated every second, I was glad I had 'decided' to do it. The sex was glorified and joked about in school, became this status symbol with a life of its own. It was easier to go along with the false narrative that I was empowered than to admit I'd been manipulated. I didn't know what a flashback was, why I was having panic attacks, I thought it was all part of being a teenager. By the time I managed to explain what happened to a few friends, it had become irrelevant, he was 'different now', it no longer mattered, my pain no longer mattered. Seven years after it happened, I underwent CBT to treat C-PTSD caused by other instances of rape and sexual assault. I realised how deeply those past experiences had affected me. That I hadn't been allowed my own narrative. That I'd had to erase it in order to move on. No one had been prepared to blame the guy, so the blame, with nowhere else to stick, had landed on me. I now understand it wasn't my fault. I wonder if my ex, and all the other guys who harassed and assaulted us, ever realised it was theirs.
Testimony 118
I’ve rarely seen guys take it seriously. anytime a discussion takes place then come the f*cking "femin*zi" jokes. guys in highgate will joke and say sexist things without a second thought and none of their mates will ever tell them to do better.
Testimony 119
I can barely go a day without hearings guy bragging about the nudes they get or talking openly about the girls who give them head or making jokes about porn videos that glorify rape.
Testimony 120
We had a class talking about rape culture, probably in year 9 or so, where we watched a 'where is the line' video, discussing where we thought a man had crossed the line and begun to sexually abuse a woman at a party. One boy in the class said (probably as a way to get attention) that he didn't think any sexual assault had occurred in the video (the woman was shown to be passed out drunk, unable to consent, as the man assaulted her). The comment was sort of laughed off by the teacher / not really dealt with properly / sort of left with the impression that this was a valid reaction to the video.
The same student was asked to leave a few years later following an incident of sexual misconduct -- I don't know the details but I know that the school didn't really address that problem with the rest of us as a year group or as a school, and there was no open discussion about the incident. I hadn't really put those things together at the time but now it feels quite upsetting that that sort of atmosphere was allowed to fester and potentially informed that student's actions later down the line.
It's very uncomfortable to see how the school only begins to take these sorts of issues remotely seriously when they become a national debate, i.e. are no longer avoidable.
Testimony 121
At the age of 12/13 boys would have folders on their phones involving nude photos of girls which they would then nonconsensually send across the year. They would then brag about these collections and get other boys (somethings even other girls) to rate those photos. Boys used to objectify and sexualise the girls calling those with ‘fit bodies but butters faces’ a ‘bin bag job’. I feel that all of this leads to (and unfortunately has led to) sexual harassment and sexual assault.
Testimony 122
2018 class: There was a tier system made tiering (1-3) the girls in our year which was hung up in the bedroom of the boy who made it.
Testimony 123
I was told second-hand of boys at highgate who had raped or taken advantage of girls while they were drunk and/or high at parties. I never spoke about this to the girls involved as I was not close with them and so didn't want to make them uncomfortable or let them know that people were talking about what had happened - and I never mentioned it to peers or parents as I didn't want to incriminate the girls involved for underage drinking etc, or concern my parents about me being unsafe. I didn't experience any of this firsthand, nor did any of my close friends as far as I know. I'm not aware of any groping or sexual misconduct within school hours on school grounds, but I would not be surprised if people within my year group (left y13 in 2020) have been groped by fellow students at school, given the culture within mainly the boys of some friend groups. I have friends at other schools who have been groped at school (eg female friend's bum being squeezed in the lunch queue) and I think it's important to bring this kind of issue to light as well as rape, if there have been instances reported. I've overheard boys making derogatory comments about girls, focused on their bodies or what they would be like in bed - at the time I never reported this due to a combination of factors: it didn't feel serious enough to mention to a teacher, I felt uncomfortable discussing it, I was scared of not being believed as it would be my word against a group's word, and I was scared of retaliation from their friend group if I reported the comments. Generally, I would not feel safe seeing a significant proportion of boys from my year out of school, especially if they were in a group - I think that says a lot.
If the school talks about rape culture to students, it would be great if a teacher/external speaker could speak from personal experience instead of just talking about principles - I think recounting experiences is more likely to reach those who are part of the problem (rapists, gropers, students who share other students' nudes). I remember we were given a talk about not sending/sharing nudes, and the speaker emphasised that it was illegal to share underage pornography and you could be charged - but lots of kids didn't take this seriously because it felt like they were using the threat of authority to tell us what to do, which is never going to convince a bunch of year 11s.
In confronting the school over these issues, I think it's really important to focus on what can change for future years as well as recognising what mistakes the school staff made (eg if any individual teachers shut down any complaints from victims) - so they can make changes to shut down rape culture in current/future year groups, and sanction any staff who may have not taken reports of sexual misconduct seriously. Maybe pay recent alumni or an external group to educate staff (esp new staff) on the culture/what to do to change it.
Testimony 124
An ex highgate student offered me money to link him and it was being treated like a joke by some of my male peers.
Testimony 125
Hearing sexist jokes, being referred to as a bitch by male classmates, being asked sexual questions by boys or having them turn an innocent conversation into something sexual, being sexually assaulted at a party.
Testimony 126
I was threatened with someone grabbing my genitals.
Testimony 127
I heard guys say “it’s not our fault they’re short skirts make us horny” and then proceeded to slut shame us for wearing short skirts.
Testimony 128
It was bizarre coming into sixth form and hearing through gossip about all the rapes that had happened by boys in my year to girls in my year at parties, and how those boys were still in school even though the school had been informed. These boys were always popular. I also heard stories of boys posting pictures of them getting off with girls in our year on Instagram without consent in a laddy ‘just pulled’ tone. It sounds like our year at Highgate was super toxic up till sixth form with treatment of girls.
Testimony 129
Less than a week ago : was joking around with a friend (m) of mine, when he started yelling ‘don’t rape me don’t rape me’ , and laughing. I was shocked and appalled.
Testimony 130
My experience of rape culture at Highgate school is that I think Highgate deals with rape culture in a poor tone deaf way.
Testimony 131
constant rape jokes/comments on women's bodies:
- walks up to girl and says : 'I want to rape you '
- 'rape jokes are an essential part of my group's banter'
- talking about a girl ; 'I want to rape her'
- 'catcalling isn't sexual harassment
Testimony 132
Photos of me on boys’ group chat talking about my bum.
Testimony 133
rape is constantly brought up as a casual "joke" and the excuse from students is - calm down its a joke and from teachers is - i think it's a misunderstanding. I keep most thoughts to myself about this situation so i'm not seen as "the one who cant take a joke" I know others feel this way.
Testimony 134
I have been groped twice by hg boys. once at a party & once on a school french exchange trip in a public cafe. although i was 14 & both boys touched me on the upper thigh without consent, i didn’t feel like these issues were serious enough to report - i think this shows how severe and prevalent rape culture is at hg for me to believe this behaviour was ‘not that bad’ and girls lack of trust in the school to protect them. in y11 i had sex with a out of school guy at a party although i don’t remember it bc i was blackout drunk. at school many guys came up to me making disgusting comments from “congratulations” to “wld u give me a blowjob” calling me a slut etc. they even did this loudly in lessons, clearly unafraid of being called out, and this was so incredibly humiliating in front of peers and teachers whose respect i wanted and deserved. rape culture is so normalised that girls expect these comments and far worse and it has left me and so many friends feeling disgusting and embarrassed while the school does nothing to help. instead, they put the onus on girls to report issues, which does nothing to address the power imbalance and rape culture that originates in year 7 and leads to girls constantly getting degraded, objectified and assaulted during their time at highgate.
thank you!!
Testimony 135
Boys mistreating girls (pushing them yelling at them making them cry repeatedly) has been called flirting too many times.
6. Teachers making female students uncomfortable and being sexually inappropriate:
Testimony 136
Boys would grab at girls legs and their arses on the stairs. If teachers saw the girls would get blamed for their skirts being “too short” not the fact that boys were groping them. I had a boy put his hand up my skirt on the staircase and no one did anything. I was 14.
Nude photographs were sent around in group chats and almost of the girls I was friends with at school had it happen to them. Girls were mocked and called names if they did or did not send photos; if they did, they were labelled easy and if they didn’t they were called frigid.
Boys created a tier list system of who was “attractive” and who was not; girls were placed into three categories, tier 1 was good looking, tier 2 was average and tier 3 was everyone else. It was derogatory and appalling then and it is derogatory and appalling now.
I had a teacher tell me that he could see my underwear and therefore my skirt was too short, he was sitting on the floor and was looking under the desk, there is no way that he should have been allowed to do that. I was 13. The same teacher would also reprimand girls if he could see their bras through their school shirts; he was insulting and would embarrass girls publicly and make them feel uneasy. He no longer works at the school and probably doesn’t even remember what he did, but I do. I remember what felt like to be slut-shamed at 13 by a member of staff who is in place to protect and teach me.
You were supposed to protect us and you didn’t.
Testimony 137
At Highgate I was shamed as a young girl. On a year 7 school trip to France I decided to wear leggings and a crop top because it was 30 degrees outside. As soon as I walked to breakfast [insert name of member of academic staff] approached me. I cannot remember exactly what she said but it was something along the lines of “[insert name of senior member of staff (pastoral and academic)] thinks your top is too short. You should go and change.” Sums up Highgate pretty well. Sexualised and objectified and essentially slut shamed by my own [insert name of senior member of staff (pastoral and academic)] at the age of 12. And he knew it. I know this because he knew it would be wrong for him to say it himself, so he got [insert name of member of academic staff] to have a lovely woman-to-woman, utterly degrading chat with me! I just didn’t want to get hot. That kind of shame is such a disgusting and confusing feeling for a little girl ( and a woman) to experience. I remember feeling uncomfortable all day, ashamed that my [insert name of senior member of staff (pastoral and academic)] viewed me as a slut when really I should’ve been disgusted that he was sexualising me.
Testimony 138
This is more misogyny than rape culture but it still made me feel humiliated. Once in year 7 I got my period on a SPEX day and we were supposed to be doing swimming, so I had to get a note from the nurse to excuse me. The male staff member refused to believe that I was actually on my period (even though I had a note from the nurse whom the school itself employs) and accused me of lying in front of the whole class. Another time I started my period during a lesson and asked the male teacher if I could go to the loo, making it very clear why I needed to go. He refused and told me that I should learn to “hold it in”.
Testimony 139
I found male teachers made me feel more uncomfortable due to comments that were made about appearance and private matters, than boys in my own year.
Testimony 140
I can think of no specific incidences but the overall acceptance of sexual harassment in highgate was always there. From as young as year 7 girls would say, “watch out for that teacher, he’s a creep” or “Oh that teacher will always comment if he can see your bra” And it was just accepted. In year 8, the girls would always make sure to wear shorts under their skirts during summer in case a boy tried to take a photo up their skirt or just pull your skirt up. Countless times there would be inappropriate comments by male students and the teachers would say nothing. But a poster that the school deemed inappropriate, that just was a playful and good spirited competition, was banned. Everything seemed performative.
Testimony 141
Male teachers slut shaming girls for having too short skirts. It's so humiliating and unreasonable.
Testimony 142
told multiple times by male teachers that my skirts are too short, had teachers give me weird looks when my bra was visible under my shirt (they’re literally see through )
Testimony 143
I left the school in 2018, and joined in year 7. When I was in year 9, the boys started rating the girls in our year based on physical appearance from 1-10. They would do this per class, form, sports team you name it, any group possible. The sad thing is that it turned us girls against each other. It still affects the way I perceive myself and my own value to this day.
In the same year, I joined a maths set taught by a certain teacher who I’m sure every girl remembers. He was openly sexist, re-arranged the classroom so that all the boys sat on tables near the front, and all the girls were put on tables pushed far to the back of the classroom. When he asked questions in lessons, he would only pick boys to answer, and if only girls had put their hands up he would ignore them and wait until a boy did, or pressure one to answer the question anyway. He never helped us girls in lessons, and spent all his time laughing and joking with the boys (who all loved him - he was the “python legend”, etc etc). One lunchtime me and my best girl friend were putting up posters in central hall advertising a quiz we were hosting to fundraise for charity. He approached us and shouted right in our faces, threatening us with detentions and demanding to know why we were “defacing and vandalising his property”. We were absolutely terrified and it genuinely felt as though he might hurt us - especially since there was no one else around in central hall at the time. A few weeks later, I missed one of my maths lessons to go on a french trip (which several other people in my class were also going on). It had been mentioned in the school bulletin and was a school-organised compulsory trip, so I assumed I didn’t need to notify him in advance. The next lesson I turned up to, he singled me out in front of the entire class and shouted at me, calling me “disrespectful” and asking me why I was “incapable” of sending him an email like another (unnamed) female student. (Several other boys had also been on the trip but he didn’t mention them at all.) All the boys were looking at him and laughing along, clearly learning from him that threatening girls and laughing at their fear and public shaming was accepted and encouraged behaviour. He said he would “deal with me after the lesson” and then blanked me for the entire lesson despite my attempted apologies. After the lesson ended, I tried to leave with everyone else because by this point I felt very unsafe and I was scared what he might do to me if I was alone and no one was around. He physically put an arm out and dragged me back into the classroom. My female classmate stayed hovering in the corridor because she was worried, but he shouted at her and threatened until she went away and then proceeded to lock the door and stand between it and me so I couldn’t leave. He then perched on a bookcase and just sat and stared in silence at me for at least 5 full minutes. I genuinely thought I might never make it out. Eventually he just got up and opened the door in silence, walked back to his desk and turned his back to me. I ran out hyperventilating and crying. At this age I hardly even knew what rape was, or sex-based violence. I just knew I had never felt so unsafe and threatened in my life. And it had happened at my own school, in a place I was constantly told was supposed to be my safe space. I finally told my mum weeks later (I still hadn’t fully processed what happened, believed it was my fault so I’d kept quiet out of shame). She was shocked and emailed the school immediately, and I was able to get several of my female classmates to get their parents to sign as soon as they heard I was speaking out. We heard nothing for weeks, and then suddenly out of the blue, we were transferred to a new maths teacher (female) and when we pressed for an explanation, we were told vaguely that he “chose to leave the school” and that it was none of our business. I also had numerous teachers ask me and other girls to stand up so they could “see if our skirts were too short”. Randomly, in the middle of lessons. The boys (sitting down) would then be able to practically look up our skirts and just sit there, laughing, but observing us like we were just objects to be criticised. I felt like I was being exhibited like a prostitute.
Testimony 144
[insert name of member of academic staff] has on multiple occasions walked into girls changing rooms and dorm rooms as well as made girls line up half naked outside of dorm rooms because he was drunk.
Testimony 145
I don't know if this is considered rape culture and I don't blame Highgate for it but there was a creepy English teacher you made sexual comments to a girl. He got fired/quit pretty quickly though so honestly I think Highgate handled it well
Testimony 146
Being told by a male member of staff that my dress was too "fitted" and that I should "save it for the weekends". Also being told to wear a jacket/ blazer to cover my shoulders in the middle of summer (May) because it's "distracting", and told that next time I'd be sent home to change. I think in general, the premise of formal attire makes it quite limited for girls to wear "appropriate" clothing.
Testimony 147
On school trips teachers have looked at my chest area while wearing full coverage pj’s. I was 11
Testimony 148
last year in year eight i had a teacher that would call all the girls darling and make us deeply uncomfortable. he would also look at our chests and when there was sport so we had to wear the school regulation skorts which i am going to point out only get wider - not longer - with size, he would also look at our legs.
Testimony 149
Teachers are outwardly misogynistic. They call women hookers or strippers because of how they dress.
Testimony 150
When I was in year 8 our form tutor grouped all the girls together and was telling us off for having our skirts too high; however he then proceeded to touch a girl in my forms thigh indicating how the skirt was too high and then grazed down her leg to indicate the appropriate length we were meant to wear it at. I remember everyone in the class was shocked and the girl he touched was so embarrassed - I didn’t know what that meant back then and so we never said anything but now it makes me really uncomfortable to think about and the fact that we didn’t report it makes me worried that a teacher thought it was okay to touch a students thigh. Male teachers in highgate not only allowed rape culture and sexual assault to happen but instrumented it themselves.
Testimony 151
Teachers (ie. [insert name of member of pastoral staff]) would make inappropriate comments about girls skirt lengths, referring to them as slappers and seeing their gusset.
7.Facilitating harmful debate regarding rape culture and misogyny:
Testimony 152
Rape culture at Highgate school is a product of its dangerous levels of misogyny that go unchallenged. It’s not just [insert name of senior member of staff] ending what was supposed to be an assembly on consent (but ended up being 70% taken up by warnings about initiations at universities as if that’s anywhere near as big of an issue as women’s rights and how to not be a sexual predator) with a joking reassurance that none of this would affect anyone in the room, despite the fact he knew for a fact that he was speaking to the sexually abused and their abusers. It’s having to sit through politics class after politics class of the teacher just sitting there whilst the boys in the class got to debate whether the feminist movement was actually a good thing or not and how coat hanger abortions and lack of voting rights were hilarious. Its being accused of gossiping or having ‘mothers meetings’ all the time because what else do girls possibly talk about in class? It’s sitting at year 13 prize giving and seeing someone who raped a girl in the year (which the pastoral heads knew about ) sitting there on zoom and having to explain to my parents why he was allowed a prize and allowed to be there and why I was so uncomfortable. It made me feel naive and angry but mostly just ashamed when I finally understood that no matter how many girls in the school and no matter how much Highgate may preach inclusivity and equality and a supportive environment (frankly, how dare you), Highgate is at its heart still just a school for boys. It rewards the loud and the boisterous and the obnoxious and staff and pupils alike encourage laddy behaviour. If the pastoral staff made a fraction of the effort they do supporting and protecting these boys, who funnily enough end up sexually assaulting and raping, supporting and actually listening to those who come forward with reports of sexual assault, rape and just plain old misogyny , maybe I wouldn’t be so ashamed to have been to school at Highgate. No one in their right mind should send a daughter there to be served up on a platter to be mocked, objectified, assaulted, raped and ignored. Shame on you.
Testimony 153
Rape culture at Highgate was prevalent every day. It was perpetrated by the male students but enabled by the teachers who chastised girls because of their skirts, failed to stamp out sexism from microaggressions to open insults and instances of violence, and created an environment of victim blaming. Rape culture at Highgate was consistent with the schools attitude of under valuing their female students, from sports and resource allocations to classrooms. Male teachers perpetrated a narrative that sexism was a thing of the past, which the male students latched on to. This allowed them to pass off their disgusting behaviour as normalised. The school hosting debates such as has me too gone too far was so inappropriate. It was demeaning of the me too movement and of survivors of sexual violence. With conviction rates falling even when reported instances of sexual violence rising there was no place for cantering the discussion on how by some women speaking their truths this was too far. Concerns were brought to [insert name of senior member of staff] before the debate, who failed his students and allowed it to happen, claiming as his defence that the motion had been proposed by a female feminist former teacher. This did not excuse it. Further, it failed to recognise the international elements central to the me too movement, which was founded by Tarana Burke to give a voice to young black girls and women who had been taught to be silent about their experiences of sexual abuse. Highgate, as ever, was negligent of this. They also gave no support to students particularly affected by these issues. The language that the boys used around sex was extremely violent e.g. ‘I’d bang/ smash/ tap/ hit/ drill that’ - also showing their complete dehumanisation of women in their objectifying language. When I was raped in my first year in university I didn’t tell anyone for a long time because Highgate had so ingrained in me the idea that I would be blamed for this and that I deserved it.
I feel like Highgate used me for my grades and proudly claims it’s the independent school of the decade while wilfully hiding rape culture and sexism that are rife at the school.
Testimony 154
I left Highgate in 2017 and I started in 2011. This is an incredibly difficult and complex question to answer because it is hard to pull out specific instances where comments or actions seem large enough to outright call rape culture. The rape culture existed as small, insipid comments made in classrooms and common rooms, conversations and debates with students and staff, and in house parties and group chats. I would preface this whole testimony by saying that I had many outstanding experiences with staff at Highgate, who I felt championed the voices of women and created spaces where truly equal conversation could take place. Three notable names that spring to mind are James Barr, Rebecca Hyam and Roland Powell, amongst many others. However, I also had many experiences with staff that were challenging and if they didn’t perpetuate rape culture, at the very least they perpetuated misogyny and bigotry. The primary example I can think of was the way the school dealt with accusations made against one boy of emotional abuse. When a group chat of boys and their abusive language was revealed to the school it seemed they cared much more about the use of drugs than the flagrant misogyny and abuse directed towards the victim, other women, and the man who blew the whistle on it all. That group chat should have been taken as a symptom of a wider problem within the community at Highgate that accepted violent and abusive language, especially towards women. The whistle-blower was ostracised socially and left unsupported by the school. There was little effort made following these events (of which the majority of the year group were aware) to have discussions about emotional abuse, abusive language, and rape culture. If these conversations took place they were framed as feminism being an issue up for debate rather than an opportunity to learn and listen. It often felt like the female students of the Highgate community were left to defend ourselves. I can recall many instances across my time at Highgate where I entered discussions or debates with teachers and fellow students about feminism. This is not itself rape culture. However, the continued onus on the female community at Highgate to prove to fellow students and staff that women and other intersectional communities suffer, and then that they want to do something about it was exhausting. It built an atmosphere in which it is very easy for the language of rape culture to creep in unchecked. On multiple occasions I had discussions with teachers about the use of the term feminist, one particular senior member of staff in the history department stands out, and in discussions with him I was effectively told I was wrong; The balance of power between a 17 year old girl and an older male member of staff in a position of authority, with huge amounts of academic experience is not fair. I often left those debates feeling either enraged or stupid. Other encounters with staff undermined female voices, notably being asked if our all female Pre-U English class was an embroidery lesson, a question which has clearly gendered and belittling undertones. Within the female members of our year group, there was a rolling battle to get a small and socially influential group of boys to believe us about feminism. Or at the very least listen to us. These debates not only happened in closed spaces such as the common room but in classrooms and PSHE lessons. I can recall a specific instance of being left to defend positive discrimination and the use of female role models in front of my whole tutor group. While I am a huge proponent for debate, discussion and argument as a means for learning, there are some instances where the footing is not level. When these debates happened in classrooms it would have meant a lot to be supported by staff. To constantly feel like it was our job, as students, to get people to first of all believe there is discrimination against women and other intersectional communities and then support us, erodes confidence and energy. The burden of proof for feminism should not have been on the (majority female) students.
The final point I have to make is about what steps the school could have taken and can take to make these issues better:
- PSHE discussions should have included more complex discussion surrounding how to conduct a relationship not only in a sexually healthy way but in an emotionally healthy way. Guides to terms such as gaslighting, emotional manipulation, love bombing: by spelling out terminology it would give students clear tools to understand when teenage relationships are not okay for all genders.
- Sex Education: spending more time on female pleasure and homosexual sexual relationships for all genders. Getting specialised and experienced educators in to talk and teach on these issues rather than relying on staff who are not experienced in sex education.
- Have frank discussions with members of staff about what values the school wants to perpetuate and support.
- In typically male dominated classrooms encourage and support ALL voices to speak equally.
- Create a better counselling service and a CLEAR pathway for all people to report and talk about sexual abuse. There should be a dedicated part of the school infrastructure which deals with this, and while there is excellent pastoral support from many members of staff, for issues such as sexual abuse there should be a specialist. Many people would avoid talking to pastoral and house staff about these issues because of the ways in which it might affect their teaching.
Testimony 155
Highgate fostered an environment that felt hostile to women at times. A clear example of this is setting up a debate in which the topic discussed was “Has the me too movement gone too far?” This as opposed to being a fair debate, was used as a platform for men to loudly speak up about ways in which women lie, essentially doubting all women for their testimonies. This is a very damaging thing to hear as a woman, particularly when there may have been survivors of assault in the audience. The debate was also used to shut down ‘loud feminists/ femin*zis’ and laugh at them.
Testimony 156
Rumours about a time I was sexually assaulted were spread during lessons. The class laughed and joked about it and the teacher did nothing to stop it.
8. Views on Highgate’s response to current situation:
Testimony 157
First thing Highgate says in their reaction speech to current issues is not to "demonize" boys then proceed not to address anything the next day saying that it's too hot a topic and everyone's "feelings are very strong."
Testimony 158
I’ve heard all the stories of sexual assault and everything... and even if I haven’t experienced it in the school environment, I’m just horrified at how the school is dealing with it. They only try and change things when their reputation is at risk and it’s honestly selfish. I’m not naturally attractive, and I haven’t been harassed in a sexual way, but I’ve experienced strange men following me, and been cat-called by older boys. I understand what it’s like to feel afraid and helpless, and so it’s horrible finding out how the school is dealing with it. We need change, and I know we won’t stop fighting and having our voices heard until we get that change… Thanks for listening! Xx
Thanks for doing all this with the anonymous comments and stuff... it’s really helped me to rant a bit :).
9. People not taking rape culture seriously
Testimony 159
No one cares. Stop.
Testimony 160
None. Get a life.
Testimony 161
[insert name of pupil] did a poo.
Testimony 162
I’m a boy at hgs and [insert name of pupil] is quite straight.
10. Don’t believe there is a rape culture:
Testimony 163
None.
Testimony 164
There isn’t one.
Testimony 165
Absolutely none.
Testimony 166
Rape was not normalised or accepted by either the staff or students at Highgate in my opinion.
11. Miscellaneous:
Testimony 167
When I was waiting for the bus, a man in a van was winking, smiling and waving at me. I felt really scared and I blamed it on what I wore. even as the van was driving past because of the green light, he looked in the mirror and kept waving at me. i felt really uncomfortable and unsafe.
Testimony 168
I don’t go to ur school but my views were 100% different to what they r now. This is disgraceful. Not only have they ruined their schools reputation in the process but also showed that they don’t give a sh*t about their female students. This is embarrassing. I’m genuinely so angry on behalf of u all
Testimony 169
I don’t go to highgate but from the amount of things I'm seeing and how many ppl are coming forward it seems so terrible. like i don’t understand how so many boys feel as though they should sexually harass or rape someone. i am fully backing every single person that comes forward from this and if someone tries to make a joke about this, they deserve every single bad thing wished upon them.
Testimony 170
I think it is more prevalent amongst the richer pupils who feel powerful.
12. Testimonies submitted after 23th March:
Testimony 171
We had a class talking about rape culture, probably in year 9 or so, where we watched a 'where is the line' video, discussing where we thought a man had crossed the line and begun to sexually abuse a woman at a party. One boy in the class said (probably as a way to get attention) that he didn't think any sexual assault had occurred in the video (the woman was shown to be passed out drunk, unable to consent, as the man assaulted her). The comment was sort of laughed off by the teacher / not really dealt with properly / sort of left with the impression that this was a valid reaction to the video.
The same student was asked to leave a few years later following an incident of sexual misconduct -- I don't know the details but I know that the school didn't really address that problem with the rest of us as a year group or as a school, and there was no open discussion about the incident. I hadn't really put those things together at the time but now it feels quite upsetting that that sort of atmosphere was allowed to fester and potentially informed that student's actions later down the line.
It's very uncomfortable to see how the school only begins to take these sorts of issues remotely seriously when they become a national debate, ie are no longer avoidable.
Testimony 172
I joined in year 12 and was told just weeks in to avoid certain boys due to rape and sexual assault allegations. A culture of rape and sexual assault continued throughout my time at Highgate, as after every social event there seemed to be something new to discuss. Whether it was a girl being so drunk she didn’t remember getting with someone or something to a more serious degree, this was a problem that tarnished my time at Highgate. Every girl knows someone who has been affected by it, but the boys did not seem to hold their friends accountable. Whilst after serious allegations they wouldn’t speak to them for a couple weeks, they seemed to get over it fairly quickly. From what I have heard, the school had not dealt with allegations well, and certain teachers helped perpetuate a lad culture by treating girls differently to boys.
I emailed to complain and whilst told we could arrange a meeting to discuss further, it didn’t really feel like my concerns were taken seriously.
Testimony 173
One of many experiences I had involved a boy from Highgate saying he to my friends he would "take care of me" when I was almost passed out at a party and proceeded to assault me repeatedly while I couldn't move. This boy was well-known as a rapist, who the school seemed to have no issue at all with until he was expelled for a drugs related incident prior to entering sixth form.
Testimony 174
During my GCSE period it had come out that I had cheated on my boyfriend with another guy who was also in a relationship. Whilst I understood this action had consequences I was not prepared for the intensity and volume of such repercussions. The first thing I noticed was that the amount of hate I was receiving was disproportionate to the man, who had effectively done the exact same thing as me. Such a response was not reflective of either me or him as individuals but rather of a wider, internalised misogyny within the Highgate culture. A couple of weeks into summer an anonymous account was made in which I received various levels of online abuse, varying from ‘slut-shaming’ to death threats. A direct quote from one of these anonymous posts was ‘(My name) is a f*cking whore, so is (male friend) but he’s a man’. I was then bombarded with further posts and comments before being privately messaged by the account who told me all this would be taken down if I sent nude photographs. Being in such a low mental state myself I had felt helpless and unable to see how I would face another year at school with people who could blatantly bully people they knew. I forwarded many of the screenshots onto some of the higher members of school in order to seek some type of help. Whilst they replied in a way that suggests they could undergo questioning in order to find out who was behind it, they seemed somewhat reluctant to do so, stating it would probably end up not being solved and they couldn’t necessarily guarantee any form of anonymity. I felt that if I were to jeopardise more of my reputation by starting an investigation that seemed set up to fail, I would receive further hate from many more people in my year. Therefore I had closed down the situation in fear of causing more ‘drama’ as I did not have the security in the school’s response. I was offered no form of help and instead had to teach myself that this extremity of response was not what I had deserved and in the next two years following had to hear people joke and laugh about the posts in a group with me. The thing that still upsets me to this day, is the difference in response by Highgate males who were willing to ‘slut-shame’ and isolate me but welcomed someone who had done the exact same back to school.
Testimony 175
I was sexually assaulted while I was a student at Highgate and I couldn't tell you if I was ever sexually harassed but I wouldn't be surprised. To this day there is an incident that I'm hesitant to say I was raped because of the culture surrounding the issue.
Rape culture in Highgate was shockingly normalised through jokes on an everyday basis. Having moved to Highgate for sixth form however, I was not surprised because this was also behaviour I had seen at my previous school. Rape and sexual assault were never really spoken about but something that was brushed under the carpet by everyone.
Personally myself I was often left accountable as a teenage girl to control male behaviour. I had a boy continually try and touch me in lessons and despite my best efforts to try and stop him putting his hand up my skirt, I was the one who got in trouble for being disruptive. At parents' evening, in front of my dad, I was told that it had gone too far by the teacher and that I wasn't being a good enough student, but the boy got a glowing report.
On a school trip I was reprimanded for wearing a top that showed my shoulder. I was approached by a female teacher who told me that it was 'totally inappropriate' because apparently it was a distraction for the boys in the group. On the same school trip a male student sexually assaulted me and I had to lie to the teachers saying nothing happened because they threatened to send me home.
Outside of school at parties with Highgate students I was sexually assaulted three times. On one occasion it was laughed off as the boy just 'trying to be funny' and 'just a bit drunk' and nobody took me seriously even though I was extremely upset and disturbed by the whole thing. After that party it was ever mentioned again. The second time I was lead by a male student into a bathroom where he locked me in with him and sexually assaulted me.
Given my experience within the school and the reinforcement of this behaviour from my previous school, I never sought help because I didn't think it would be there for me.
I am devastated to see that this is still a problem at the school. I would not call myself a recent graduate and I hate that students are still having to live with these problems that ultimately disturb their education. School should be a supportive institution and I can only say I hope they take these testimonies and do something about it.
Testimony 176
Sexual domination of men over women was the norm at highgate, particularly from around 14 - 16 do i remember it being particularly bad. There was a lack of even knowledge over what consent was.
When i was 14 i turned up to school on a monday having been told publicly in front of one of my close male friends in front of a group of others that "he could have fingered me if he wanted" and that I was really drunk and begging him to do it. This was untrue. He proceeded to tell everyone this as a sort of accomplishment, implying I was easy.
Although this was not to me, my best friend was raped at my 16th birthday party by her ex-boyfriend. She later only told me a year later once she had left highgate and stopped talking to anyone we knew. there is no protocol in highgate to deal with these circumstances, and she was unable to express it even to her friends out of fear of backlash and even common understanding about how common these matters are.
On another occasion i was sexually assaulted by someone who was not at highgate when i was 14, but at westminster and in similar groups. I actually had no idea what had happened until years later when I learnt that being handed alcohol all night and taken into a room and pressured and humiliated (with the help of some of his friends) until I said the words "yes". although this person was not from highgate, i believe it was the same of an uncountable number of experiences from boys in those same circles. i believe this boy is not a "vicious" bad person, but there is such bad understanding of consent, and sexual relations between girls and boys. we are not talking enough between genders.
I plea that the school take serious and coherent action every year from the junior school until upper sixth to education and create dialogues between men and women about sex and consent. teaching sex ed separately as i was in highgate encourages this pervasive issue: women's issues in sex are mens issues too.
Testimony 177
Thinking back on our PSHE lessons at the school on sex and consent I honestly find it astonishing how little they cared about educating their pupils on these topics. The ONLY session I can remember that looked at consent, we were shown a "where is the line" video involving a girl so drunk she was helped up the stairs by a boy into a bedroom, where they starting kissing and then she proceeded to throw up. By the end of the video, the boy is forcibly having sex with her while she is saying no, stop. At the end of this video we were asked where we thought the line had been crossed. The boys in the class put the line right at the end, while the girls were more likely to put it much earlier. This discussion was held by the teacher with a relaxed tone, discussing everyone’s views as if no one was wrong and everyone was entitled to a different opinion on rape. At no point was this conversation stopped, and the teacher stepped in to say, "although it's interesting that you all saw this differently, actually the line was crossed when the girl was too drunk to walk up the stairs independently and threw up while they were kissing - she was unable to give her consent." It was an incredibly lazy, box ticking session that did nothing to teach either the boys or the girls in the class how to identify rape, either as perpetrators or as victims) and after a few minutes of discussion was turned by the boys into a joke (like every session held on predominantly women-centred issues).
Unsurprising that this kind of approach meant that out of that class of about 8/9 boys, 2 (that I know of) went on to be rapists.
Testimony 178
From age 13 onwards I was consistently pressured to send nude images and regularly received unsolicited images.
I was also regularly touched under the table during lessons and in one class three boys made it a challenge each week to see who could touch my chest the most during the lesson.
It has been very upsetting for me to read how many students younger than me have continued to experience the same misogynistic behaviours from their male counterparts.
Testimony 179
Highgate was a boys school with girls allowed in it. One particular year group had a group of boys who referred to themselves as 'gang only no yat' (yat meaning young attractive thing referring to the women in the year) and would push girls off of 'their' table. They made it abundantly clear that they had no interest in being friends with the girls in the year and many of those particular boys openly discussed how much they disliked the girls in the year.
Testimony 180
Rape culture is something that is normalised, especially and unfortunately amongst boys. Whether it be comments made on a group chat about how 'fit' a girl is, or sending round girls' Instagram pictures on a group chat, or even sexually assaulting one of your friends on the way home from a party. All three of these instances happened to me whilst I was at Highgate. Admittedly, the first two examples I didn't take notice of and didn't even classify them as instances of rape culture, which goes to show that students are not educated enough about what is 'banter' and what is actually sexual assault. I, as a victim, didn't even realise I was one. The third incident happened on my way home from an 18th. I got a taxi home with one of my closest guy mates [X] at the time and another friend [Y]. We were all heading in roughly the same direction so it made sense to split the fare. When the taxi arrived X tried to get in the back with me, however Y took him aside and told him to sit in the front as he wanted to sit in the back with me. I didn't think this was unusual and got into the taxi anyway. During our ride home, Y asked X to turn up the music and proceeded to pull me to the side of the car where he was sitting. I then moved back onto my side and he did the same again. He then lifted me onto his lap, to which I tried to refuse managed to get off. X turned around to see what was going on but Y assured him that everything was ok and asked him to change the song. Then Y started to kiss me and undid his trousers. He then started to push my head towards his crotch area and got more forceful when I tried to pull away. Once I did pull away he then put his hands up my dress. I tried to pull them down but he was persistent and kept putting them up there. Thankfully he did not manage to get into my underwear and I managed to slide back over to the other side of the taxi and immediately got my phone out to message X to tell him I was uncomfortable and wanted to get out. I asked the taxi to stop and I got out of the cab and ordered another one home by myself.
The next day I woke up and replayed the events in my head, trying to find a point in time when I could have lead Y on and had made him believe that that was what I wanted. However, I could not. I didn't speak to anyone that day and felt uncomfortable and violated.
The following day I went into school, and not only did I bump into Y in the common room, he was sat with all my closest friends, including the guy that I had been previously seeing [Z]. Therefore, I went straight to registration only for Y to turn up 5 minutes later (as we were in the same tutor group). A few days passed and I thought I had internalised everything that had happened and made peace with it, however, one day I decided to tell X and Z. Both X and Z responded by apologising for me and said they couldn't believe that had happened. X felt particularly guilty seeing that he had been in the car at the time. However, despite Z's feeling sorry for me, straight after I told him I saw him in the common room with Y, chatting and getting on as if nothing had happened. I then had to tell Z again about how awful I felt and still felt for him to then say something to Y. Eventually Y asked to have a chat with me and apologised for what he had done. I accepted his apology because I didn't want it to be made into a big deal, however a lot of the apology was based on him feeling awful for what he had done, as opposed to recognising that it was sexual assault and that I had been made to feel uncomfortable with my own friends.
This shows how little students know about what is classified as sexual assault and this needs to be addressed. It really disappointed me that my friends who I chose to tell almost took Y's side over mine, in the sense that they continued to be friends with him and go on as if nothing had happened. I felt let down.
Rape culture needs to be spoken about more often and in more detail. It does not matter how uncomfortable the topic makes people feel, it is a sad reality that an enormous amount of girls and boys face due to no fault of their own.
Testimony 181
I had been friends with this boy for 6 years. I trusted him so much and my parents loved him and my little brother was super close to him too. On the first weekend of Year 13, I was at a friend’s bday party and got really drunk because he had just finished exams. While I was dancing, he told me he was going to look after me and that we were going to sit down. He led me inside and I sat down on a sofa in the living room kitchen area where lots of other people were. He kept on telling me not to sit there and helped me up and led me to this small front room and closed the door. At this stage I could barely walk by myself and I was slurring all my words. He sat down on the sofa next to me and I tried making conversation and he kept trying to kiss me. I turned my head away each time because I didn’t want to say anything and make our friendship awkward because I thought it was pretty innocent. He started running his hands over my chest before groping my boobs and I froze and started crying. He then continued and put his hand under my bra to grab my boob while also holding my hand. I tried to grab my phone and he told me I was too drunk. I tried to stand up and leave but he pulled my legs over his lap and said I was too drunk. He continued groping me for 40 minutes while I cried and only let me go when another girl came in and I said I was going to pee myself. I went to the bathroom to call my boyfriend for help and he followed me and stood outside the door. When I came out he tried to stop me from talking to my friends without him there. The next day, he kept texting me and saying sorry and saying that I had to talk to him so we could get over it. I reported it to the police and they really wanted to prosecute him but knew that he would win in court. The [insert members of pastoral team] told me that he didn’t need a punishment and said that I had to consider how he was feeling and how this was hard for him too. They said that I was inducing my own panic attacks and essentially said that I was wrong to go to the police and want legal action.
Testimony 182
Known abusers weren’t made to go to an assembly on consent because they might feel “uncomfortable”
Testimony 183
I myself (thankfully) have never been raped or sexually assaulted so I held off writing anything as I wasn't confident my voice was important. However, reflecting on my time at school I do think that there was definitely a problem with excusing male behaviour. This was through things like singling out girls for wearing too short skirts or leading boys on, laughing off "lad" behaviour as being funny and so much more. One of the most damaging aspect of this is how it allowed girls to talk about other girls. We shamed each other - we all knew when people lost their virginity and would talk about them call them sluts and hoes. There were also a couple male teachers I remember having really uncomfortable relationships with girls in my year. I never said anything because it was never challenged by anyone else and (shamefully) I thought the girls were perpetuating the relationships. The sexist culture within school allowed the behaviour outside of school. We all knew stories of girls being coerced into things they didn't want to, their nudes being shared between friend groups. I have know far too many stories of girls who were groped or assulted at parties. One said no to a boy kissing her but he held her against the wall and refused to let her go. This is a systemic problem which goes far beyond Highgate but Highgate is an educational institution - it didn't teach us consent in sex ed, it didn't teach young boys and girls how to protect and look after each other. It perpetuated cycles of violence and sexism and it that way it failed all of us.
Thank you for this - its time we change
Testimony 184
It’s so sad but it’s literally everywhere at Highgate. From the young years where we’re taught that boys hurting us is just their way of flirting to the bullying I faced (where I was kicked in the bum through the seats in lessons or had someone put their hand on my thigh “as a joke” or when the boys used to make pig noises at me when I put my hand up) to the sexual assault that affected me and so many of the girls I know. I spoke to several members of staff and they said that “boys would be boys”. I left Highgate 5 years ago now but the constant bra strap pinging or deliberate looks up skirts were just normal and no one did anything to stop them. No. Boys will not be boys. They will be whatever we teach them to be. If we continue teaching them that they are entitled to women, they’re going to end up as some pretty terrible men.
Also this conversation is super binary. Other genders exist and the boys at Highgate certainly also bullied anyone of any marginalised gender. Highgate needs to put a stop to this.
Testimony 185
the first sexual assault i was aware of in my year happened in year 7 while we were in school and the people who witnessed it just laughed and made jokes about it, years later and that same boy has a clear pattern of behaviour which the school and students are well aware of yet he was still made a prefect. simply showing a video about consent is tea in y10 and leaving it at that is not anywhere near enough an education especially when those students that need to understand are the same students laughing and joking the entire lesson
Testimony 186
A girl in my class/house would touch my boobs and bum when I went over to her house. She didn't care that I told her multiple times to stop and would just laugh or look at me like it was a game ?! Directed at her: F*ck you.
Testimony 187
In year 8, I was sexually assaulted by a boy during class. He was dared to hit my bum by other boys in the class. We got pulled aside and he just got told off. I wasn't given any support and ended up having lessons with him until I left the school.
Testimony 188
Boys that are part of the Scholars are the worst. They think it is funny to make sexual comments and think they are entitled to girls.
I was sexually coerced into having sex with my first boyfriend, I was underage. He kept pushing it until I gave in. By this point the relationship was already toxic and back then there wasn't a term to describe gaslighting. It was so hard as I was no longer close to any of my friends so I couldn't confide in anyone. I was so scared of being slut-shamed or being seen as "dirty" and previous experiences at Highgate showed me how nothing would be done, and pupils just tend to move on and continue being friends with assaulters and abusers.
About a year into the relationship he raped me. I said no. I was paralysed. Once I got home. I confronted him and he admitted it but also said things like he loves me etc. I was so alone that the idea of losing him seemed worst than to just try and move on. But this behaviour continued, he tried to force me to do other sexual acts with him and when I said no and we had an argument he hit me. Towards the end of the relationship he and his best friend would make sexual jokes about me, he admitted this to me. After the break up, he kept trying to talk to me. He didn’t respect that I wanted nothing to do with him. He came to my house, he messaged me (and I blocked him); during a school trip, he even cornered me with the help of his friends and I had to run away from him. He would make fun and talk about what we had done together with one of his female friends and I only know this because she accidently forgot to log off a mutual friend's phone and he saw their messages, which led to me breaking down at school.
I had nearly all of my lessons with him, until I ensured that I wouldn’t by changing my A-Levels subjects, and I avoided him in sixth form despite the fact that we were both prefects and the fact that he liked to talk behind my back. I had a boy come up to me at a party to tell me that I wasn’t like how I was described by my ex. The school should have done more, they should have provided an environment that allows students to come forward rather than kick them down and actually take action against abusers.
Testimony 189
I was sexually assaulted by a Highgate boy at a house party, he picked me up and kissed me and this was completely random and happened very quickly.
Testimony 190
I was once blackout drunk at a party and a guy saw me passed out on a chair and took that time to sit next to me, prop me up next to him and kiss and touch me - I do not remember it, I was told by someone else it happened
Thanks for doing this to whoever’s in charge
Testimony 191
Not a testimony as such, but just wanted to write from experience about what it was like being a guy at Highgate within such a culture that was created. It was commonplace for misogynistic behaviour that objectified girls to be ignored completely, and often actively encouraged. Banter between boys largely involved talk of girls, which led to guys seeing girls in a more competitive way- something to show off to your mates about, without any regard for the objectifying nature of this chat. Obviously I have to hold myself accountable to this, as in my position as a guy at Highgate such talk was commonplace for a while between my friends and I. However, this felt completely normalised. Attempts by the school to moderate misogynistic talk felt half-hearted to say the least, and lessons on consent were next to non-existent. I saw how the school had let down some of my closest friends who had been sexually assaulted, and whilst obviously there was so much more to be done when dealing with allegations of such assault, such situations could have been easily avoided by educating guys in decent respect and consent. A toxic atmosphere was allowed to flourish without any repercussions for the perpetrators of actual assault, and so many of these genuinely devastating stories could have been avoided if this wasn’t the case.
Testimony 192
Having gone to Highgate since I was 7, it took a while for me to even become aware of just how bad the culture at Highgate was specifically and relative to other schools and institutions, both in terms of student interactions and student-teacher interactions.
I thought it was standard practice for a boy to try to get you drunk in order to get with you- and thought nothing of a boy immediately pursuing you the moment he saw you knock over a drink or heard you start to slur your words. I've had a guy lie to me so they can get me alone because he could see I was drunk enough for my ability to make decisions to be impaired, and I've had guys continually pursue me to the point of my feeling unsafe and incredibly uncomfortable around them since I'd asked them to stop repeatedly- and I thought this was completely normal as I'd seen it happen at so many Highgate parties. I've been groped at parties and I've had a guy insist on waiting with me for my taxi so he could get me alone, didn't seem to register or care when I told him I didn’t wasn’t interested in him, and kiss me despite my pushing him away twice and firmly saying, "no", and I thought that these are the sorts of incidents that are to be brushed off as miscommunications and innocent mistakes. I’ve had comments from and interactions with male teachers that have left me uncomfortable and have made their lessons the one to dread in the timetable. And every time this sort of thing happened, I felt like I was being an idiot and hugely overreactive for being upset about it because I've seen so much worse happen to so many friends and girls, and so I felt I should count myself incredibly lucky 'in Highgate terms'.
And it's been so nauseating to see girls have the most atrocious, violent things done to them, for it to be brushed off by those who have a duty of care to protect them with disregard and at times f*cking insouciance, as if these girls have come to them to complain about some playground quibble or girlish spat.
And I also find it really quite something that the same teachers who love to encourage 'edgy' and HILARIOUSLY inappropriate banter with the boys are the same teachers who are constantly appalled and disgusted by female students 'dressing inappropriately' (I suppose being inappropriate is only funny if you're on the football 1st XI hmmmmmm strange world) are the same teachers who complain of missing ‘old Highgate’ are the same teachers who constantly treat female students as if they're thick and make them feel uncomfortable in school are the same teachers who are refusing to adequately deal with cases of sexual assault in the school.
Also, I would just like to air my undying awe, wonder, bafflement, confusion at the fact that in year seven and eight we were told we could not wear leggings on top sight as it was distracting to male teachers and in sixth form girls were told that what they were wearing was distracting male teachers in lessons, because you think that the child is the one to blame in this situation? If someone who is in a position of power over a minor announces that he is struggling to resist the temptation to commit statutory rape because he can see what, their knees? their shoulders? – I don’t know guys you might want have a little think about whether he can be trusted to work with underage girls at all but clearly you’re the experts up to you of course.
Also, (last thing I promise) since the threat of bad PR seems to be the only stimulus the school responds to instead of the actual wellbeing of their students, huge shoutout to Highgate school on overcoming (or perhaps simply supervening) its reputation of being the ‘druggy one’ of the London day schools- can now confirm that Highgate now irrefutably holds the august title of ‘the rapey one’ of the London days schools! You did this! Innumerable congratulations!
Testimony 193
someone grabbed my best friend's thigh in english. we were in year eight.
Testimony 194
My experience was terrible. I was sexually assaulted at a highgate party when I was 15. He pushed me against a window and wouldn’t let me out whilst he forced fingered me, in the middle of a party not even a private room. I’d never had any sexual experience before this. A girl I’m friends with witnessed it and didn’t do anything. She apologised after for not stepping in but it was too late. Afterwards, I was congratulated on my sexual step forward as though it was a good thing and because I was naive I didn’t report it. I was also bullied for being a slag. The slut shaming even followed me to university where I heard a number of rumours spread about me by former highgate pupils to my new friends. All of which were lies.
Testimony 195
I was meeting with this boy over lockdown and we had been chatting for a while. When we first met I made it clear that I don’t want to do anything due to covid and by the end he had convinced me to kiss him. Next time we met he asked if I wanted to go further but I said I didn’t want to. He then went on to convince me to “trust” him and he would be really distant with me when I continued to say no. Eventually I did. I didn’t want to do this and did it simply to make sure he still wanted to talk to me. The same thing happened again the next time (as well as this, I was worried all 3 times about people seeing as we were not concealed very well and his solution to this was for me to give him head so he could keep watch). After all this he called me squeamish and implied I wasn’t ready for this. As well as this, one of my girl friends at the time told him everything I had recounted to her and continued to be friends with him afterwards.
Testimony 196
I was assaulted at a Highgate party at 14, he groped me when I was drunk, I told him loudly so other people could hear that I wanted him to stop but all of his friends laughed and told me to stop being ‘frigid’. The boy then grabbed my hand and told me he needed to speak to me about something important, he grabbed my shoulders and started pushing me down, I begged him to stop grabbing me and I tried to leave the room. I was so upset when I came into the main room again and all his friends asked what happened and the boy told everyone throughout the night that I had given him head and I didn’t do anything with him. It was then rumoured around school from people who weren’t at that party, I was called a ‘slur’ a ‘whore’, ‘slag’ because of what people think I did. It stuck with me for ages and it’s so damaging and I feel so bad when I hear from other girls that he has done it to them too.
Testimony 197
I was waiting at the bus stop with my friend after school as I would do everyday. We were the only students there but a teacher (a head of house) who was waiting for another bus at the same stop. A group of older men came by us and started yelling at us and whistling. We were both clearly very uncomfortable and told them to leave us alone. The teacher stood 2 metres away and did nothing but notice and then look at his phone. THIS IS NOT OK. It normalises the harassment and places the blame onto the girls. This shows that teachers do nothing to protect us. He should be ashamed. We did not feel safe.
Testimony 198
When I was in Year 9, I was called into a meeting with a senior member of staff and several boys in my year regarding a boy in our class who had been suspended for pressuring girls into sending nudes and then spreading them around the school. Unbeknownst to me, several of my female peers had also taken the opportunity to present to the school their graphic testimonies of being sexually assaulted by said boy while he was suspended, presumably because it felt safer to do so when he was not on school premises. Nonetheless, the meeting was almost entirely dedicated to the teacher conspiratorially warning us not to be too ‘rowdy’ in ‘celebrating his return’. I heard nothing about the other allegations; in fact, I don’t think any of the girls ever did either. It makes me sick that not only did those girls have had to spend the last 4 years interacting with their abuser in every aspect of school life, but also that Highgate were so dismissive in their treatment of the situation. Having only witnessed the situation as a peer of the boy in question, I cannot begin to imagine the trauma that these girls must have suffered. I know for a fact that the boy in question has had several violent sexual assault and even rape allegations against him in the years since. These events are entirely on Highgate’s hands. As a child safeguarding institution, to ignore first hand accounts of abuse from multiple 13 and 14 year old girls and not even investigate the perpetrator isn’t just sick, it’s criminal. Shame on you.
Testimony 199
To the powers that be at Highgate: when you're reading these testimonies I implore you not to think of the injurious headlines, the worried parents or the chastising governors but to think instead of the actual lives behind each testimony. The lives that will always be affected and forever tarnished by what happened at Highgate, what was allowed to happen. Actually try and think about how it feels to be attacked, violated, made to feel like less of a human. And then to be told that you are lying, that 'boys will be boys', that you must continue to sit next to your rapist in class. Teachers and staff at Highgate had the power to stop girls getting raped, to confront the sexist culture and to listen to victims, but they chose over and over again not to. That was a choice that was made every time and continues to be made to this day. These cases of sexual assault, harassment and persistent misogyny that teachers and staff ignored, that they let happen and that they simply did not bother to care about continue to affect the victims to this day. They cause trauma, they tear lives apart and they destroy belief in one's own sense of self-worth and value.
Testimony 200
During my time at Highgate, I was slut-shamed to no end, and teachers and staff knew this. When an older student took advantage of me and sent around pictures, my concerns weren’t taken seriously by our housemaster who victim blamed me, despite this action of sending around underage images being illegal. Not once did I feel safe to take things further or feel supported in anyway. My time at Highgate was traumatic and it pains me to have to read the testimonies of fellow survivors of the toxic rape culture at the school. What pains me more is that the perpetrators will likely slip by and face no consequences, maybe they’ll sign this letter. Likewise, the school will now address this letter and it will soon be forgotten.
Testimony 201
Sexual harassment and sexual assault were normalised throughout my time at highgate. taking advantage of intoxicated girls happened every weekend, and boasting about it to friends happened every monday. It took me years to realise I had been sexually assaulted because it happened so often that no one acknowledged it as an issue. It has left me with years of unresolved trauma which I still battle 6 years later. Highgate didn’t create a safe environment for victims to come forward. Highgate didn’t tell boys to change their behaviour but instead told women that they were the ones who had to change their behaviour. Highgate taught us that ‘no means no’. They never said anything about how saying no isn’t enough. What do we do when we say no and they don’t stop?
Testimony 202
From a young age, girls would be pressured into sexual acts while drunk at house parties. These were often fairly public, and other boys would occasionally take pictures of it. The girls would then be slut-shamed and feel violated for, in my case, years afterwards. This was normalised.
Testimony 203
My experience of harassment and bullying at Highgate School was everyday during my classes and break times. I would like to name names and call out who these people are because they genuinely made my life at Highgate an absolute hell hole. Jokes would be made amongst everyone that would be funny to the other party but bullying me - they would joke about how it would be funny how I could get raped or that because I'm a woman, I dont belong in education and I deserve to die. These exact words were said by someone, by telling me to directly "kill yourself, you're dumb." These experiences have left me still haunted and scarred to this day. Even the girls in my classes promoted this harassment even though it was aimed at them too but because I was the 'unpopular' one at school, everyone would laugh along and think it is ok.
Testimony 204
Awful
Boys have been known to get away with rape just read the testimonies. Multiple girls can accuse a boy of rape and nothing will happen they are forced to sit in the common areas with their rapists. In y13 of my school I ended a very toxic relationship and had to endure weeks of rumours being spread, boys asking me disgusting questions and accusing me of performing lewd sex acts. I saw my ex in the common room and shouted at him to stop spreading rumours about me and was waving a butter knife around. This was caught on CCTV and I was immediately hung out to dry. I was suspended, banned from all common areas and forced to undergo a psychiatric evaluation. Rumours were being spread that I’d been sectioned, arrested, that I’d stabbed someone and I’m sure more than I can remember. I told [insert name of senior member of staff] about this and he said to ignore them. Perhaps if I’d had a penis they would have taken me more seriously. I don’t blame the school for punishing me as I know what I did was wrong but this does show Highgate is capable of punishing people, provided they don’t like them. Why didn’t the rapists get that treatment?? Why are the boys allowed to actually assault people and walk away Scott free? I’m looking directly at you [insert name of senior member of staff] you told me that I was being punished as a direct result of feminism that “the only reason we are taking this so far is because if you were a boy threatening a girl it would be seen differently” well you’re right it would have been seen differently I probably would have gotten away with it.
Testimony 205
I was only 12. I didn’t understand why the situation affected me to such an extent. I’ve been taught for years to be careful when I’m walking on the streets and to experience this at the age of twelve was shocking. I was on my way home from school- very nearby the school actually and there weren’t many people around. I observed these 2 boys in my year walking in-front of me. I thought they didn’t know I was behind them, but when we got to a quiet and cornered part of the pavement they stood to the side and flashed by pulling their trousers down asking “do you want a boner” they continued to verbally harass me and when i tried to leave they held me to the wall. Luckily I got away as more people were passing I just ran. I got home in tears and was too ashamed to tell anyone what happened. However, I told my mum who insisted I did tell the school about this. I told my head of year at the time, went with a friend to see her. All I remember is crying a lot in her office as she told me I shouldn't have been walking home alone and should have walked away when I saw they were near me. I was also told that it would be kept anonymous (although nothing was done about it) however a year later on a school trip one of the boys came up to me asking why I snitched on them which made me terrified and obviously my anonymity had been entirely broken. I haven’t walked that way home ever since.
Testimony 206
At Highgate school, rape culture was completely normalised. Girls were constantly objectified and slut-shamed. Boys often boasted about seeing girls underwear as they walked up the stairs. Outside of school, there was a time when a male Highgate pupil attempted to put his hands down my trousers without my consent. After confiding in some of my friends about this, some of his other male Highgate friends eventually found out and said I had to be making it up for attention. This has made me severely uncomfortable to speak about this event to anyone at all even years later. I was also forced into having sex without consent in a relationship with a different Highgate boy which was similarly traumatic. The rape culture that thrives and is normalised at Highgate has left me with ongoing issues that may take years to fix. It's scary that even as many years pass, Highgate continuously fails to take responsibility for its serious problem in order to keep up appearances. Should Highgate's image really take priority over the wellbeing and long-term health of its students?
Testimony 207
As a student I was unaware of the rape culture within the school. Reflecting now on my experiences I realised that this behaviour had become so normalised that I had failed to recognise it for what it was: a rape culture. There was certainly an acceptance of misogyny, bigotry and sexism that permeated the school environment.
I will preface this by saying that I really enjoyed my time at Highgate. I met some of my favourite people there and there were many staff who tried their hardest to make the school a safe and welcoming place. I also don't think that this is an issue that exists only in Highgate, it is prevalent throughout Uni and in the working world. Schools however have a responsibility to teach people how they should act and behave to try to improve this for younger generations. I was lucky enough to not have suffered directly from harassment or abuse, however many of my friends were not so lucky. In my year group there were certain cliques that were notorious for sexist and sexually inappropriate behaviours. These groups would dominate certain areas such as in the common room, creating toxic environments and making it uncomfortable for other students, particularly female. Much of this was excused at the time as 'lad culture' which acted to trivialise and exempt this male behaviour. Some of the senior teachers even engaged in similar 'banter' with these lads. The school was a boys school that accepted girls.
I recall at one time a boy kept making unwanted advances on a friend to the point where we had to physically block him from her in the queue for tuck. There was another incident where one year group was banned from the common room as somebody had graffiti "gang only no yat" (yat= young attractive thing/ derogatory term for girls). The school response to this was frankly disappointing as it failed to address the fundamental issue and collectively punished for the actions of an individual.
I recall 3 specific incidents that happened to me that occurred in Yr8/9. A boy that I didn't know well approached me at the bus stop after school with some friends and questioned me on if I shaved my genitals. The intention was purely for my own embarrassment (he succeeded). There was one occasion where I was waiting for a class in the dungeon corridor and a group of 3 boys were watching a video on a phone. I had a glance and it was a video of somebody having sex with a girl on the floor of a bathroom and it seemed as though it had been filmed from a toilet cubicle. At the time I was shocked they would be watching so openly but thought it was consensual porn however now I am not so convinced. The last was in a french class. I was placed at a table with a group that were openly discussing and shaming a girl on the table for how many people she had got with. I was surprised as they were very loudly discussing it and questioning me in a way that made me uncomfortable however the teacher did nothing to intervene.
Within my friend group there had been a number of occasions where boys had pressured/ coerced the girls into performing sexual acts that they were not comfortable/ not ready to perform. There was one occasion at a house party where I had seen my friend kissing a HG guy. It was only after the party that I found out that he had tried to finger her in public. Personally, I felt guilty having been there but failed to recognise the situation. This is guilt that I don't think the perpetrator ever felt for their actions. Another friend also disclosed to me how their boyfriend had coerced them into sexual acts and raped them to then have to attend classes with them. To my knowledge neither of these events were reported to the school so I cannot comment on how they were handled however it does speak to the school's environment that they felt unable to come forward.
This culture was (possibly unintentionally) reinforced by the school in small ways such as the constant reminding and enforcing about skirt length, gender specific games options, a sheer lack of education regarding consent/ healthy relationships and the school's reactions. The only advice I remember receiving on healthy/ non-toxic relationships came from a poster in Dyne House foyer. There was an incident where a boy was accused of emotional abuse that was discovered on a group chat that contained a large amount of other sexually misogynistic and abusive language. The entire matter was handled so poorly that led to rumours and division within the year group with the whistle blower being the target of a lot of unpleasant comments. What was most disappointing was that the school focused more on the mention of drug use in the chat than addressing the abusive language and the individuals who believed it was acceptable to act that way. The education surrounding consent and healthy relationships was poor at best. The only teaching I remember were watching the tea / where is the line videos: insufficient. I recall an extensive assembly about what to do if somebody was following you/ not walking home in the dark/ taking shortcuts that left many of us scared and with the incorrect assumption that the ones who could do us harm are strangers. More should be done to teach about consent, relationship and bystander awareness.
The line that was thrown around that 'there's a fine line between banter and bullying' only acted to blur said line substantially, rather than raise awareness. It trivialises and excuses behaviours where 'banter' is verbal harassment and misogyny and 'bullying' is criminal offences. Do more to protect those entrusted to your care.
Thank you so much for giving people a space to voice their experiences. I really hope that the school and individuals can recognise the effects that their actions can have and learn from it. I hope change will come.
Testimony 208
I graduated in 2012 and was in the last year of only-boys (until sixth form when we were mixed) so a lot of the experiences described here were perhaps less relevant in my time when the school was not mixed, but I thought it worth mentioning a number of experiences, mostly when I was in (the all-boys) junior school where teachers acted in a creepy or sexually aggressive way towards the pupils. In particular three instances stick vividly in my memory:
1) when we were in year 8, it was the end of lunch break and me and a few others came in from the playground to pick up our sports kit from our form room ahead of the afternoon sports session. The pavilion (where we would normally change for games) was closed for some reason so we asked our form tutor, who was in our classroom sitting at his desk, where we should go to change. I remember him sitting back in his chair and saying that it was OK for us to just change in the classroom there and then in front of him. We all felt uncomfortable, declined, and went to the toilets to change in private.
2) in year 4, after sports sessions, we used to shower all together in the communal showers. We used to keep our sports white shorts on in the shower to avoid obvious embarrassment, but these would go see-through when wet, so we would also often wear out pants too underneath, which would get wet and we would have to simply have wet underwear for a few hours, which was fine. But there was one teacher who specifically would not let us wear pants / shorts in the shower and would watch us whilst we showered (ostensibly to make sure we weren't misbehaving etc). We would all turn our backs of course and hold our towels close so he couldn't 'see' anything, but it was all very uncomfortable and the teacher must have realised this at the time, but because we were so young / pre-pubescent we didn't really understand how weird / creepy it was what he was doing. He should never have been in the changing room, let alone the showers, in the first place.
3) in year 7, in geography lessons, if we needed the loo, we had to raise our hand and the teacher would only let us go to the toilet once he'd come over and put his hands on our shoulders to 'give us the green light'. That was the most uncomfortable experience in school because no one wanted to be touched by him and often, having raised our hands, we would see him coming over, reaching out to stroke our shoulders and we would sort of wriggle away and run out the classroom door to the toilet before he actually placed his hands on our shoulders. I suppose it's not exactly violent or sexual but it definitely felt wrong and uncomfortable and it was well-known amongst all of us at the time who he was and how creepy it was (we used to joke about how weird and creepy he was and the teacher had a certain rhyming nick-name which I am not sure I can mention here for confidentiality reasons).
4) Finally, it is probably worth noting that although I won't re-hash all the specific instances, there were a number of teachers who led the boys choir who have since left or been fired for sexual misconduct towards the boys. These were always swept under the carpet and not spoken about. We felt uncomfortable at the time because we all knew what had happened, but no one ever spoke to us about it or explained the situation. Many of these instances / teachers have become public and have been the subject of various news stories in the past few years. I think it is more than a stretch to say these were just a few 'bad apples'. The culture of abuse at the time towards young boys, particularly among the choirmasters / music department, was in my view prolific.
Thank you to whoever set up this petition. Hopefully it brings about some real change.
Testimony 209
My issue with rape culture at Highgate stemmed from a male teacher who targeted me throughout year 12 and 13. Having known this man since I was thirteen, I had never faced any issues with his behaviour before. In fact, I really enjoyed his lessons and found him to be one of the best teachers of my favourite subject. However, once I hit year 12 I was put into a small class with him as my teacher and his behaviour grew increasingly inappropriate. From sexual jokes regarding myself, to locking the door and touching my hand in one on one lessons, I found this teacher entirely took advantage of the pastoral system that I cherished so much from Highgate. I cried before my lessons with him to my friends, and didn’t see myself being able to pass the subject at A-Level, as when I didn’t comply with his comments he would scold me and criticise my work much more harshly than the others. The primary issue, beside his threatening behaviour, was that other teachers saw his behaviour to me and were visibly startled by him, and by my clear unease. However, they did nothing. I felt completely alone in the system, and it has made me alter the ways in which I interact and trust male positions of authority since. I hope the positions of power see these testimonies and note that not only do the young students need education on misogyny and rape culture, but the teachers do too.
Testimony 210
I’m deeply saddened to see that the culture at the school has clearly not improved since my time at Highgate (2010 leavers), and possibly even worsened. My personal experience at sixth form level was of misogynistic comments from students like “the girls should clean that up, it’s their job” , comments from a couple of teachers that reinforced that kind of joke whether they meant to or not e.g. when asked how to increase speed of reaction and I said “chop it up” meaning like we do with the knife in class to increase surface area but being brief for a quick answer, the teacher said “oh, classic woman, bringing it back to the kitchen”, and re homework potentially not being done “I’d put you over my knee and give you a spank!”, which was never levelled at a boy, comments from students like “boys are cleverer than girls, that’s why there aren’t more girls doing these subjects” in physics/maths, and finally rape jokes in the classroom before the teacher arrived and everyone (all boys except me) laughing, with one boy finally saying “wait guys, I forgot, rape isn’t funny for girls” in a probable attempt to stop the jokes, but clearly showing that they didn’t understand the gravity of it and that it shouldn’t be a laughing matter for boys either. This incident was reported by my parent after I had told them about it in confidence, and the senior member of staff did take action (telling the parents of the boys and making the boys apologise to me in person), and actually wouldn’t let me quietly deal with it myself, which at the time I was angry about as I felt I would be ostracised further and didn’t want to be put in that position. In this case, the senior staff member took action, but also made it clear that I had put them in an awkward position by my parent telling them about the jokes. In hindsight, I think the situation could have been handled better by addressing these issues at a school level, and then maybe things wouldn’t have continued as they clearly have. Outside of the classroom, one of my close friends at Highgate was sexually harassed once rumours were spread around that she was ‘up for it’, for example, at a party four Highgate boys locked her in a bathroom with them, put her in the bath and soaked her with cold shower water while asking her for sexual favours and belittling her. I was banging on the door outside and yelling at them to stop and open the door, calling for backup and eventually (with another boy’s help) they did open the door and let her out. The host gave her his jumper and put her in a cab home to safety. Another incident in my year involving abuse from students towards a girl also in our year ended up in a court case, but I don’t know the details of that. Racism was also rife. So I would say that a culture of misogyny, racism and rape at Highgate has been around for a long time, and that senior staff must have been aware of it for over 10 years now, which leads me to conclude that they have failed their students. I also want to add that I myself became so accustomed to the behaviour that I became desensitised to it as well and almost accepted it as inevitable. To the young women and girls speaking out - thank you for your bravery and honesty. I’m so sorry this happened to you, especially at such a formative age and in a place that is meant to be safe.
Testimony 211
I remember one incident where a teacher humiliated me for having a short skirt and fitted shirt. He shouted at me and told me I looked ridiculous and like a complete mess - I was 15 and my body was changing in a way that I didn't feel comfortable with, I was going through puberty and it felt like nothing was fitting me right. He confirmed that.
There were also countless times I had my arse commented on by other students to my face, in an objectifying and taunting way. They would laugh - this is something that has followed me to workplaces in hospitality and in the street. Men's harassment of women is cultural and I'm so glad women are speaking out.
Testimony 212
I came to the realisation that Highgate had a culture of rape and sexual assault as young as 12. I felt the need to look a certain way and wear certain things because boys preferred it that way as young as 13. I understood that girls in my year would be slut-shamed whilst boys were congratulated as young as 14. I saw groupchats which were made for the sole purpose of objectifying and sexualising girls as young as 15. I became aware that a former classmate was a serial rapist as young as 16. I had to come to terms with the fact that Highgate knowingly put every single girl in my year at risk (by keeping rapists there) as young as 17. I was forced to listen to someone boast about their victims and his friend laugh about it while waiting for my next lesson as young as 18. I am now 19 and the only thing Highgate has ever taught me about sexual assault and rape culture is that it's normal and acceptable.
It truly breaks my heart that a school can sit back and watch/listen to their students' pain and still refuse to make fundamental change. This is not unprecedented as Highgate has repeatedly turned a blind eye to pressing issues which regard the student body. They have let down their students again and again and at the expense of maintaining a 'perfect' reputation to the outsider. This has all been a true slap in the face for every single student who had to not only experience this appalling system but who has to live through it every day after because of the fact that Highgate did not and has not input genuine reform. We are all still so young and have to be aware of every little thing we do in order to protect ourselves, because schools like Highgate (extensively) protect those deemed as harmful. Respectfully, get your sh*t together Highgate x
Testimony 213
I was in one of the first cohorts of girls coming through the Sixth Form at Highgate over 10 years ago. As many of the boys at the school hadn't received schooling alongside girls, a lot of the humour in the common room and in classes was misogynistic in nature. This was largely brushed off by the girls who stuck together and who attributed it to 'banter'.
The girls were told when they first attended Sixth Form orientation in year 12 that we shouldn't get into relationships with the boys, because this would cause problems. I recall my male friends saying they received no such talk from the teachers, in fact it was all put onto the girls (who also received said blame for any 'relationship drama' that happened).
I had a boyfriend during my time at Highgate, and whenever we had residential field trips for coursework or D of E, it was always myself who was taken aside and lectured on not being inappropriate whilst on these trips. There was absolutely no basis for this, we had never been spoken to by a member of staff, nor had anyone complain about our behaviour. It was humiliating. Nothing was ever said to my then boyfriend, and once again it was very much put upon me that it was my responsibility alone. This happened in both year 12 and year 13 in different subjects.
We had a single class on sex and relationships from the school nurse during my 2 years at Highgate, which was largely seen as being hilarious and a joke by the many of the boys present.
My memories of Highgate are happy ones, and I have made lifelong friends with girls and boys I attended with. These testimonies are heartbreaking to read, and make me feel so angry that this culture has been allowed to pervade the school unchecked for so long. Highgate, you MUST do better. Evidently the school has a lot to work on, not only with the students but also the teachers and the ethos of the school. Wonderful, bright young girls come through Highgate, and turn into incredible, intelligent women. Its upsetting and distressing to hear that so many have felt unheard, blamed, shamed, unsafe and unbelieved when they have sought out help and support. The school has a huge responsibility for its students when they're at such a formative stage in their lives and education to nurture them and let them learn and grow in safety. As it stands currently, I wouldn't want to send my young daughter to the school in a few years time if this is the pervsive culture that has been institutionalised.
Testimony 214
I left Highgate when I was 11 to go to an all girls' school nearby, but reconnected with Highgate pupils on the weekends from y9 onwards. I was and am constantly grateful that in my day-to-day schooling I did not have to experience the appalling misogyny I saw from some of the HG boys on the weekends. My closest girl friend at uni went to Highgate and speaks often about how jealous she is that I was not educated with the boys she grew up with.
Unfortunately, I still witnessed a vast amount of rape culture (alongside disgusting racism and homophobia) when I socialised with my Hg counterparts, including being addressed, paradoxically, as a 'frigid slut' at the age of 13 (for refusing to take nudes or engage in sexual acts). When I was 16 I was assaulted by a hg boy at a party in front of everyone, in the main room, when he approached me out of nowhere, grabbed me and pushed his hand down my jeans (to the visible shock of everyone around us) and then pushed me into another room, where he continued his attempts to assault me. Someone else entered and I managed to leave and I remember congratulating myself on this close call.
The experience that hurt me most showcased the corrosive effect that the boys' misogyny had on some of the girls at hg. At one party in sixth form, a Highgate girl approached me without introducing herself, after I'd just stopped dating a Highgate boy. She shouted my name and called me a 'slut', to her male and female hg friends' delight. My girls' school friends immediately confronted her about this and she became defensive, saying her 'friends had told her to', 'it was just a joke'. I remember then reflecting on how damaging it was for girls to be educated in an environment where that kind of language and behaviour was not only perpetrated by the boys, but replicated by the girls themselves.
My friends and I at my own school felt sorry for the girls at HG, who were clearly made to feel threatened by the presence of other girls, by the way the boys openly pitted us all against each other - in terms of looks, sexual availability, etc. The HG girls were also clearly having to accept and normalise horrific situations, topics which at my school were regularly discussed in our Feminist Society (the most popular club in the school) and friendship groups.
This is not to say that girls' schools do not also have a long way to go in terms of providing sex ed that equips girls adequately for sexual realities - and my school was particularly empowered compared to some. Highgate has educated and employed many brilliant and lovely people and is simply a symptom of a wider broken system. But mixed and boys' schools might want to check in with girls' schools about creating a culture that is actively feminist, and not just passively unimpeachable.
Testimony 215
Someone I love was raped at Highgate. The point I make in writing this testimony is that rape is trivialized largely because, in my opinion, no one has a clue what effect rape can have on someone. This is not to say that everyone has the same reaction, that is not remotely the case, however, I watched this person's reaction and can speak as to what I saw and what I understand the effect of rape to be as far as I can perceive it. I don't think people 'get' how being raped changes you (I don't fully either) - I think it is largely viewed as something bad, but as something that surely you'll move past after a while. From what I have seen it is horrific, and I don't use that word lightly; it makes you scared of people, it makes you scared of the fact that you are scared, it makes you believe the worst in people because you have seen the worst to be true, it makes you believe that people will harm you, it makes you think that the bare minimum is being treated well, it makes you low, it can make you have depression, ptsd, anxiety and the like. It makes you feel fundamentally different to everyone around you where previously you weren't, it makes you feel like a burden, it makes you feel like you don't recognize yourself, like you don't know yourself even though you have always been yourself. It makes you feel like you have lost your mind. It makes you feel like you are dying. And I don't think that people realize how much of that reaction is dependent on and a result of the other people that contribute to the entire experience. People don't realize that in not actively being there for the person, or in taking advantage of that person (either as a friend or as the school) you shape and induce the worst things this person feels. The failure of the school/others to look after them teaches them that they should expect to be treated like they don't matter, the way that the person who raped them taught them. The failure to look after them teaches them that they are being vindictive in wanting the person who screwed their brain to be punished, it teaches them that they are asking for too much, that their mind exists to be walked all over, and it teaches them that people will fail you, they will let you down.
Testimony 216
I left the school in 2019, can’t imagine much has changed since then. I remember multiple A level politics classes, probably at least once a week we would debate feminist topics or somehow debates would end up with male classmates making sexist remarks towards me or other girls in the class such as ‘calm down’ or ‘you’re getting very worked up about this’ or ‘you seem to be making this a personal issue’. Well of course I am! It is by nature a personal issue if it affects me. These young people aged 17/18, about to go on to university or elsewhere outside of the school to spread and share these sexist behaviours. To make matters worse, when ‘feminism’ itself was a topic on our curriculum the boys in the class who had previously made comments also happened to be the ones that vehemently opposed learning about it and debated EVERYTHING that they thought would be fun to wind the girls up about, because they knew we would get annoyed and wanted to see our reactions. Further to this, when I looked for help from my (both male) politics teachers they tended to remain silent or just tell the boys they ‘probably shouldn’t say that’. Absolutely pathetic as a response and a disgrace that this sort of behaviour is seen both from staff and pupils at a school that should be educating everyone to ensure they are good people rather than obsessing over grades in competition with other schools.
Testimony 217
I left Highgate sixth form in 2011 and my experience was that the boys made rape jokes, showed each other their genitals in class, and bullied female students with sexualised insults. As a female student I knew there was no point in reporting any of this to staff, since staff were surely already aware of it (the boys spoke loudly and openly in this way) and so they either didn't see any problem with the behaviour or felt powerless to stop it. I knew that if I tried to challenge these behaviours I would be targeted and victimised myself, because that's what happened to the girls who did speak up, even if they did so "anonymously". I also knew of boys in my year who assaulted girls at parties, but I felt that I couldn't tell staff about anything that happened at parties because they would blame the girls for getting too drunk and then I might get in trouble for being around the drugs and alcohol.
There was also misogyny from the staff e.g. if I was talking with a group of female students, a male teacher would walk by and say that we were "having a natter" or something equally and unnecessarily gendered. It really emphasised to me that I wasn't welcome in this school. It also meant that when more serious misogyny or sexual abuse happened (e.g. the male teacher who said I was "disgusting" because I had a hole in the crotch of my tights) I knew there wouldn't be any interest in helping me.
My experience of the school was that the staff are vastly more concerned with public perception than with keeping their students safe and happy, so I'm not surprised they have been gaslighting rape victims and survivors. I hope parents see that the grades and the university are meaningless when your child is leaving school with trauma like this. The number of students in my year who self harmed or had disordered eating, and it was never discussed with us, just swept under the rug like these students were an embarrassment instead of vulnerable members of our community who we should have been protecting.
Testimony 218
In my opinion it was the heads of the school who would turn a blind eye to its rape culture. When an issue was raised they would do anything to find something to make it seem like your case is false. Unfortunately that’s what happened with me. A boy in my year was constantly harassing me. In fact, it wasn’t just me it was many girls in our year. He already had a rape allegation made against him by his girlfriend at that time. It started off with him sending me indecent pictures, he would ask me questions about our Computing coursework to get a conversation going and then send me explicit photographs telling me it was me that was provoking this and I should take it as a compliment. We used to sit next to each other in computing lessons and he would constantly rub his hand up and down my leg. I used to push it off and tell him to stop. It became so unbearable that I told my computing teacher I cant see the board from where I am sat please move me. So my teacher the time moved me, but he still managed to find his way next to me. I will never forget that day. In CBIT, there I was sitting doing my coursework. Again, my assaulter next to me sliding his hand up and down my leg, my teacher came to me to help me and didn’t even notice what was going on underneath the table. I just had to bear it every single lesson. My teacher was explaining to me what I needed to do and helping me where I was stuck. Then it happened. He slid his hand all the way up my skirt and starting poking me. I yelped and my teacher asked what was wrong. I burst into tears and left the classroom. After the lesson, I blamed my outburst on my frustration that I couldn’t get the coursework done. I told my friends and she witnessed what happened but when asked by the school she denied it. She said to me ‘I’m sorry I don’t want to be involved’. My abuser messaged me during school one day telling me to come down to the toilets in charter building ‘or else’. Afraid of what might happen, I went down and there he was smiling at me. I reluctantly came down the stairs where he pulled me towards him to try and hug me. It was clear I was pulling away which is why he ended up spinning me around. I began awkwardly laughing and then people started to walk by which is when he let me go and I got away. I brought this issue to school when I was sitting in my Spanish lesson and my phone kept going off. ‘Come here now’, ‘Meet me now or else I will end you’, ‘come here before I end your life’. I showed these messaged to the school. I explained to them what had been going on. My biggest mistake was telling them everything. I told school what happened, every single detail. The school saw messages of my abuser telling me they were going to end me, the same pupil who already had a rape allegation against him and has many girls coming forward. But they didn’t listen. Instead, they sent me to their councillor who said ‘are you sure you were assaulted?’. Instead, the head of my year at the time looked into my watering eyes and said ‘we checked the cctv footage- you and him were clearly laughing together, there’s not much we can do to help you’. I remember one time running out of my computer science lesson, because it was unbearable to be in the same room as him, to find my form tutor and I ran in to the head of my year. Whats wrong he asked me? Hardly able to breathe I said I cant be in the same room as him Im scared he going to grab me. What was his response? - he rolled his eyes at me and said ‘he won’t’ making me feel like I was going crazy. Every meeting I had regarding this I told my form tutor at the time, I don’t want to go in alone with the heads because they manipulate my words and bully me. Highgate handled it terribly and everyone in my year knew what was going on. I was bullied every day for 3 years after this. First term of year 12, I remember walking into the toilets and seeing my abusers reflection behind me with his friends, he was flipping me off and making inappropriate gestures. Around my school, there were posters everywhere of the schools welfare committee. So I went to one of the members - who was [insert role of senior management] at the time. I went up to him to report what my abuser had done a year after the whole incident had taken place. Obviously shaking, I knocked on his door and said are you a member of the welfare committee I need to report something about my wellbeing and my safety at this school. His response was- I have a meeting sorry and shut his door. I ended up having a panic attack in science quad to which my Spanish teacher came to help me. I was yelling to her I don’t want to be here I anymore I cant do this anymore and she was the only teacher at that school who actually listened to me. I realised the school was not going to look after me. I had to learn to see my abuser around school and I had to learn to how to deal with the constant bullying and name calling. My abuser? His punishment was stacking up books in the library over summer. This meant instead of getting a 3 month long summer he got a 2 month long summer. I had to spend 3 years after that feeling unsafe all the time. He should have been expelled straight away but instead highgate manipulated the evidence I gave them just to protect their reputation. Their motto shouldn’t be ‘Altiora in Votis’ unless that translates to boys will be boys.
Testimony 219
Only after graduating Highgate in 2016 was I able to begin to see boys of my age as capable of empathetic, human behaviour. It was not only normalised, but actually THE norm at Highgate to be constantly surrounded by boys trying to humiliate you, subjugate your or make sex jokes at your expense. I routinely avoided being near or socialising with boys at Highgate to the extent that I possibly could because of how threatened they made me feel. To this day I genuinely think that, had I gone to Highgate parties/ interacted with boys outside of school, I would still be grappling with the resultant sexual traumas, as many of my contemporaries are.
The times that really stick out in my mind were times that I was forced to be around boys - especially during Games (I largely opted to do Cross Country Running). These sessions were, for the few girls who attended, a weekly crash course in objectification and humiliation from both the male students and the male teachers. Mr [] and Mr [], [insert subjects of two teachers] (both of whom I heard dodgy things about from other sources), would routinely make gendered and sexualised comments about my sporting abilities, included repeated gags about me having the attractive trait of being an 'independent women' (when I was 14). It was well known - and loudly advertised! - that one of the boys in the group had joined the games option just so he could run behind me and stare at my arse. And this was not even a particularly laddish boy - if anything he was one of the 'gentler' types.
My friends and I chose to deal with stuff like this by labelling the boys half-baked idiots (what we saw as rising above it all). All this really tells me is that the issues with toxic masculinity at Highgate were so pervasive - and genuinely frightening - that the only way I could square the boys' behaviour with my understanding of human decency was to completely and utterly dehumanise them.
Testimony 220
While I enjoyed my time at Highgate overall, there was a general air that feminism was something to be looked down on. My friends and I were belittled when sharing our experiences of sexual harassment in discussions, being told we were 'showing off' the attention.
I had many experiences with one particular teacher who would constantly make sexualised comments about my appearance including in front of the entire class. I'm aware he did this to other girls in 6th form. It's something that we took as a bit of a joke but retrospectively was totally inappropriate to a 16 year old. I now regret not reporting this before he took this further with someone else.
At one point the girls had a talk about protecting ourselves from sexual assault - while this actually gave some good advice, I felt that the boys should have had some sort of equivalent regarding consent. When I raised this in house, one of the boys said 'guys like us don't do that'. I think these testimonials show they could have benefited from it.
Testimony 221
I graduated in 2014. Some of the issues that stick out are the following:
- A teacher stating during a school council meeting that wearing short skirts was selfish as it disrupted boys' education
- A teacher announcing during assembly that there had been reports of old men at the nearby pub ogling young girls, and that girls should therefore pay attention to skirt length (we were 12)
- A friend reporting to a teacher that a sixth-form boy was constantly messaging her, trying to talk to her in the corridors and following her home. She was asked if she might have done anything to give him the wrong idea. She was 13
- A teacher telling a friend to watch how she spoke to a male teacher as people could “get the wrong idea” (she was eleven - it took us years to work out what this meant)
- Sitting with my two brothers and having a teacher praise them for their impressive achievements (same/worse than mine) and likely high-flying future careers and ignore me. A very small incident but probably indicative of the way in which older male teachers view men and women differently
Testimony 222
I witnessed over 20 boys sharing nude images of girls in our year which were saved onto a private part of Snapchat to be passed around to other boys. I was frequently pressured to send these images and when I didn’t I was mocked for my body image.
Testimony 223
Misogyny was prevalent at Highgate. In year 8, the boys in my year posted a list ranking the 10 hottest and 10 ugliest girls in the year. I was on the ugliest list. The school was told and presumably they did something about it but it was no more than a slap on the wrist. I never received an apology from any of the boys involved nor did the school talk to me about it. That list affects me to this day.
Testimony 224
I was part of the first couple of years of girls at Highgate . I overall enjoyed my experience for sixth form and still have many many friends. However , a large part of me suppressed some incidents that happened with boys who were my friends, my partners and just also other pupils .
I was in a relationship where no didn’t mean no ... it meant a battle until I gave in.
Friends who would constantly make jokes about my appearances , try to undress me in front of others and some who tried their best to kiss me by holding my face . At the time ... i and others just took this as normal ‘boys will be boys’. Which means I personally never reported it . It’s only looking back I can see how damaging it was for my future relationships and self esteem .
I remember boys showing videos to others of their girlfriends performing sexual acts on them. A lot of it I tried to ignore when perhaps I shouldn’t have .
I spent a long time accepting these things as I took them as my own fault. Only now am I starting to underhand that this is not correct.
It’s a culture . Which I feel isn’t only isolated to Highgate . It’s rife through school, university and your career .
Talk needs to happen so that change can happen.
Testimony 225
In assembly, I made an announcement that LGBT+ society was having a talk. In the common room afterwards a boy who I was friends with came up to me and said “I’m going to start coming to LGBT. i want to get in touch with my gay side so I can look [his best friend] in the eye when we have a threesome.” This is completely out of the blue. The two of them kept joking about this threesome while i stood there gobsmacked. The two of them then bartered over who would get which hole to put their penises in, and even said they would flip a coin for the privilege of my vagina vs mouth. At no point was my consent or feelings considered. They roped in another boy who I didn’t even know and said he could have my anus. The whole time i felt so embarrassed and completely blind sided by this conversation. I told them afterwards that i felt very violated by it but i didn’t come forward to the school because these boys were my friends and i was worried people would think i was being too extreme or wouldn’t be listened to.
Testimony 226
I attended Highgate for sixth form. During this time, I was shocked to see the level of misogyny and harassment that were commonplace throughout and went largely unchecked. At one point, the girls were separated from the boys to attend a rape talk which included advice such as 'tie a bell on your tent during festivals so you can hear if your friends are being assaulted'. I think it was a severe oversight that the boys were not made to attend and that our curriculum did not extend to discussions surrounding consent. When this was raised, it was met with the general consensus from boys in our year that 'guys like us don't do those sort of things' which was wildly inaccurate.
Girls in my year were repeatedly shamed for sexual activity and subject to inappropriate comments from both pupils and staff concerning their appearances.
Testimony 227
I was a teacher at Highgate for over a decade, and was proud of having worked at the school. I was under the belief that Highgate improved massively in that time, including a decline in what I would now call the toxic masculinity which existed when the school was transitioning from all boys to co-ed. I was evidently wrong. What I have just read has shocked and saddened me deeply, and given me significant pause for thought about not tackling some of the behaviour I witnessed to the extent that I should have. For this, I sincerely apologise: teacher passiveness / acceptance of the ‘low-level’ misogyny has evidently played a huge part in creating a culture which is hugely damaging for all genders, particularly girls. I still hope that the vast majority of pupils did have a superb experience and education at Highgate, but my strong belief that this was the case has now been shattered. My thanks and admiration goes to those who have spoken out.
Testimony 228
I joined the school 1995 and left in 2011. In my experience the school has always strived to educate its pupils in becoming mature well rounded adults.
Never did I experience anything close to the messages being posted and discussed.
Misbehaviour in and outside the school was always taken seriously by pastoral heads and complains from voices were always listened to, regardless of gender or sexuality.
It’s concerning that so many younger pupils see this as an issue when many many before them have not shared this experience. The school fosters an inclusive and positive atmosphere, I do not recognise these claims.
Testimony 229
I was a male pupil at Highgate for a long time and left in 2017. There was definitely a misogynistic culture at the School. Many male pupils (many of whom have signed the open letter, ironically) thought that they were entitled to behave how they wanted towards women.
These people largely fell into two groups: those who were openly chauvinistic and thought feminism was something to be derided, and those who would call themselves feminists when it suited them, but had insidious views and would sexually assault a peer if they thought they could get away with it.
While the former may not have made up a large proportion of the year, although they were substantial, the latter behaviour was worryingly prevalent. I would like to think that I always called out the former, during my time at the school, but I don't think that I, or many others, did enough to actively root out the latter unless/until our close female friends were assaulted.
The thought of going back to Highgate now makes me feel sick.
Testimony 231
I joined Highgate School in the second intake of girls after the school decided to go co-ed.
From aged 13 boys sitting next to me would often expose themselves in class. I would frequently be told to ‘look’ and their penis would be fully exposed.
My legs and vagina were often felt up and touched during class. I would often move boys hands away from these parts of my body as a signal for the touching to stop. Their touching was persistent and often it only stopped because the teacher turned around from writing something on the board.
I am angry that these frequent incidents throughout my school life were not ones that I felt comfortable informing my teachers and/or pastoral care about at the time.
Testimony 232
It has been 10 years since I attended Highgate, but I still struggle to trust men. The attitude towards women at Highgate was harrowing. Going to school everyday, I felt less valued as a human because of my gender, the way I looked and the clothes I wore. During school, the boys would openly and loudly discuss women’s bodies, and regularly rank girls in a degrading manner. This Women were objectified and discussed in a way that was dehumanising and the teachers and staff would allow this to happen, with a “boys will be boys attitude”. I do not feel like I went to school in a safe and nurturing environment whilst at Highgate school. I didn’t feel encouraged or able to reach my potential academically and certainly was not able to develop confidence in myself as a young woman. I honestly felt ashamed of my gender sometimes, because of the way women were treated, discussed and spoken to. I do not think the school did it’s job in creating a safe space to educate girls/young women. We were made to feel like we were more challenging to teach, less worthy, and in general it felt like the pupils and some of the teachers preferred it as an all boys school and saw it’s coed integration as a PR distraction to show the school was “progressive”; never fully welcoming young women.
I was sexually assaulted at a party by (a Highgate boy), someone that I considered for years to be my friend. I was drunk and wanted to go to bed, he came in to the room I was in and joined me and I trusted him, he was my friend. He kissed me and I didn’t object, he started touching me and I asked him to stop. He continued, voicing frustration that I wouldn’t let him. I was of found mind enough to tell him again to stop. He showed no sign of stopping or willingness to honour my wishes about what he could do to MY BODY. I felt like an object. This was not the worst thing that happened by far, which is clear from the experiences that have been told by the brave survivors coming forward. There were girls in my year that experienced detrimental lack of a support in very awful cases of sexual harassment and sexual intimidation and threats instigated by their fellow peers at Highgate (boys and in some case girls too); all of which were known by teachers that failed to deal with the situations. The girls were made to feel like they were causing trouble and absolutely no attempt to protect them or their privacy was made. This lead to jokes and name calling that spread throughout multiple years.
In terms of pastoral care and support I felt very alone during a very difficult time of development and stressful time of education (A levels). I was sexually and physically assaulted (not by a Highgate student), with visible bruises on my face and bad cuts on my hands that prevented me from writing properly. To this day I am not sure if my tutor (who was also my chemistry teacher) knew this had happened but to my knowledge my mum had informed the school because she felt she was doing the right thing. I was humiliated in front of a class when he looked at the state of me and that I was finding it difficult to write and insinuated that I was problematic because things always seemed to happen to me, openly saying something along those lines. It was degrading, humiliating and a hurtfully unsupportive responsive from someone that should have been concerned that a pupil of his seemed in distress. I laughed off the situation, and felt like I was causing trouble because of this traumatising experience that had happened. I didn’t feel safe to discuss this properly with anyone, even my female friends at the school because the validity of the female victims account was always questioned and doubted when anything like this came up in discussion, which had been, and clearly still is being, instilled by “the boys will be boys”, sexist and anti-feminist culture perpetuated by Highgate school.
Highgate school and staff encouraged an environment that fostered toxic masculinity, instilled in children from a very very young age; creating an unsafe educational institution for young girls (and boys) to develop and grow within. It has failed to educate both the young men and women it has let out into the world as “adults” on the principles of gender equality, consent and simple human decency, by favouring prestige and academic excellence over anything else. Many of my fellow peers, both male and female, will have had similar experiences to myself when attending university and realising how this culture of racist jokes, rape jokes, sexual assault being normalised and degrading comments geared towards women and anyone that identified with as Beijing LGBTQI is not normal.
Highgate school has so much potential, in terms of resources, teaching quality and facilities to be able to become a wonderful school but it must show true remorse and respect to these testimonies. Highgate school has the power to change the way boys treat girls from a young age through education. Please teach us how to treat others; how to support others; how to respect others; and please teach the teachers how to look after and protect their pupils from harm.
Testimony 234
I graduated from sixth form a few years ago. I attended Highgate School from years 7 to 13.
-When I was in year 9, a teacher ran a lunch time music group containing a small group of year 9 girls and one year 10 boy. The atmosphere was tense and awkward. One day, we played a piece of music and afterwards he said 'That music is just as good as having sex. One day you will have sex and find out, and I want you to think about this moment when you do.' I remember feeling frightened, unsure how to react. The idea of mentioning it to another member of staff didn't occur to me. I believe this was due to the way concerns pupils had about teachers were routinely dismissed.
-While I was in sixth form, a girl in our year allegedly had sexual relations with a teacher. Said teacher was subsequently fired. What seemed wrong to me was that for months before this their exchanges were openly flirtatious and completely inappropriate. I remember sitting in the department office talking to the head of the department, when said parties came in, he was calling her 'his little wife' and they were talking for a long time in an inappropriate way despite the fact that she wasn't a pupil of his or even involved with him in a house or tutor capacity. I was shocked that the head of the department at the time was completely ignoring this and allowing it to go on, and that none of the other teachers (at least 10 in the room) asked why she was there or suggested that this was inappropriate.
-I made the decision to have sex with my boyfriend in middle school, and all the boys in our year found out really quickly, despite me only telling a few of my girl friends at the time. A few boys in our year became fixated with this, and would constantly ask me about it in inappropriate ways. I got constantly and loudly asked questions like 'what position did you do it in?' and 'did you helicopter him?'. The 'helicopter' question seemed designed to humiliate me, with the boy in question demonstrating the unfamiliar terminology to me with vulgar gestures (in a lesson) . Another boy in my class (in the same lesson) told me how aroused he was by the idea of me having sex and kept pointing to his erect penis and trying to get me to engage with him. Unbelievable that this was in front of a teacher who chose to behave like it wasn't happening, even though he was pestering me for twenty to thirty minutes.
-A younger relative of mine (also attending Highgate) was violently groped in a lesson, with a boy fingering her in a classroom while while the teacher was talking. She made an involuntary noise of surprise which was laughed at by the boy and his friends. After the lesson, the female teacher took her aside and she explained what happened. The teacher told her it was unacceptable of her to disrupt the lesson and that she ‘should try not to attract so much attention in the future’. Apparently the tone of this was that she was being harshly reprimanded, while the boy didn’t receive any punishment and wasn’t even spoken to.
-In sixth form, I was the only girl in our class for one of my lessons. Even though I’d requested to be put in the other class with other girls, I was not granted this request as I was considered ‘not academically intelligent enough’ to be in the other class. The two years I spent in that class were completely isolating. I often had to sit on my own, and was really nervous about being in this classroom without a teacher as I often heard comments about my breasts or had to listen to the boys in my class tell degrading stories about girls in our year. One boy even went as far as to make eye contact with me and then aggressively hump the classroom door before the teacher arrived. I became withdrawn in this class and my academic performance suffered greatly. I wish that my concerns to be placed with other girls had been taken seriously and that teachers had taken more care to notice that this was a problem I was dealing with, instead of blaming my withdrawal and unhappiness on ‘academic underachievement’.
Thank you very much for creating this forum, whoever you are you have undoubtfully made an amazing contribution to the voicing of survivors of rape culture at this school.
Testimony 235
When I was in Year 9 two consenting friends were the first couple and individuals in our year to have (known) oral sex. The rumour of this began to spiral out through the school until it became common knowledge for the whole year and a shared point of discourse. The male in the relationship was celebrated by his peer group for being the first and it was something seen as positive for him. However, for the girl, she was shamed for her 'promiscuous actions'. Both the male and female cohorts slut-shamed her to the most disgusting degree, making her feel worthless and alienated. This led to my friend losing all her friends and her support network. Obviously, this had very negative effects on her and for their experience at highgate where she was ostracised by the whole year group, something which was never really retributed.
We are all opened to the sexual world of porn and media representations from ages of at least 9 and upwards, however, sexual relationships at young ages are shunned and tabooed by institutional bodies and therefore by individuals within this institution.
It is first a failure in a patriarchal society that a woman giving sexual favours is deemed to be a slut or of loose moral judgement where as a man is to be celebrated.
But furthermore, it is a failure of our school and other institutions to not normalise sexual relationships. To argue or believe that teaching proper rigid and full sexual education leads to further promiscuity is so heavily distorted. Sex and sexual relationships must be acknowledged and discussed from young ages so that when they do occur the younger generations understand consensual sexual acts not to be taboo but a part of life that is to be celebrated for all parties involved.
Understanding that sexual actions belong solely to the individuals involved and not as something to fetishize and discuss will allow for a community where individuals will have more trust to discuss their sexual experience.
To cut a long story short, an eradication of slut-shaming within society is essential to ensure that women feel empowered to discuss their experiences. I can imagine that if we lived in a society where girls were not shamed for their acts they would not have to feel shame when abhorrent things happen to them at the hands of men, therefore allowing them to come forward to authorities with less fear.
Testimony 236
I was a pupil of Highgate School 10 years ago and when the recent shared experiences have come to light publicly, although incredibly distressing to read, not one of my female friends who also went to the school, or myself, were surprised to see the stories and experiences that are being shared by the courageous girls and women who have come forward.
Even when we were there, there was a strongly embedded culture of sexual harassment, bullying, sexism, racism and misogynistic behaviour from the majority of the male pupils in our year group. This was paired with a lack of any deep concern or appropriate disciplinary action or challenge from those in positions of authority, who were meant to be there to protect us, as children.
Some of my experiences during my time at Highgate School included:
• Being forcefully tied to a pole in the middle of the common room (where CCTV is in place that is seen by senior members of staff) whilst a boy in our year group pretended to have sex with me and other male pupils sat around watching and laughed. This didn’t just happen to me, it was a regular occurrence with different female pupils on different occasions.
• A male pupil in my house group making me feel incredibly uncomfortable by trying to quiz me publicly in morning registration, in front of teachers and pupils, about me losing my virginity to my boyfriend and asking, ‘did you bleed?’ and all the male pupils laughing.
• Sitting in the common room doing my homework and having my head shoved into the crotch of a male pupil and when trying to get him off of me, being told ‘don’t be frigid’ and him saying, ‘I know you like it really’ and everyone laughing.
• At 16 years old, being repeatedly bullied for my appearance for the best part of a year, which resulted in me having a major operation to ‘correct’ what I was bullied about, years after I had left the school. At the time, when I was visibly sobbing in front of the male perpetrators, they would all laugh and continue to do it repeatedly. One time, when I was crying alone in the corridor, one of my male teachers walked past me, it felt so awkward, he just ignored me and carried on walking. I would sometimes walk into classes, where it was obvious that I had been crying, and not one teacher would ever question me to check if I was okay or needed help in any way.
• Being subject to the unsolicited opinions of male pupils in my year group, by being ‘rated out of 10’ repeatedly to my face for my appearance and being told that I ‘wasn’t in any of the boys’ top 10’ (in terms of desirability) over and over.
• Walking into the common room and my friends and I being shouted verbal abuse at by male pupils about being ’slags’ (one example) regularly. My female friends and I speak about it now, as feeling anxious before we would enter the common room in the mornings about ‘what we would be shouted at for’ that day.
• The male pupils in my year group used to go into a room off of the main common room (with no CCTV in) and fire each other up, before coming outside to the main area (with CCTV) and shouting verbally abusive, sexually-charged chants at the female pupils in our faces. On one of these occasions, the head of year caught this happening and the boys’ punishment was to watch the event back on CCTV on a Saturday as ‘detention’. On the Monday, the boys came into school and all talked about how ‘hilarious’ the whole thing was and that they just ‘laughed’ throughout the whole ‘detention’ and that was it. No further punishment was taken.
• I witnessed countless conversations in which male pupils would speak about women in an unacceptable manner saying we ‘belonged in the kitchen’ or being told that we were ‘frigid’ if we hadn’t had sex with [insert male pupil’s name]. There were jokes made about rape and I also witnessed multiple male pupils accusing female pupils of lying about rape or sexual assault.
• My friends had racist remarks shouted in their faces from male pupils, with one of my female friends being called a ‘f***ing c***k’.
It felt like we were expected, as female students, to accept and ‘put up with’ what was happening, with no support in place from adults in positions of authority, to challenge the male pupils’ behaviour or to encourage us to speak up about anything to do with their behaviour. It was all made into some big ‘boys’ private school’ joke and you were labelled as ‘too sensitive’, ‘can’t take a joke’ or ‘a snitch’ if you responded in any way, other than to laugh along with the perpetrators, who were never held to account.
Nobody in a position of authority at the school challenged the male pupils’ inexcusable, abhorrent behaviour adequately (if ever), so as female pupils, we were made to feel like there was a problem with us for being upset, hurt or shamed by what was happening. It felt like an immensely unsafe and unsupportive environment for female pupils at such a formative time in our lives.
The outpouring of testimonies from both current and former female pupils at the school makes clear that this behaviour and environment are not isolated or uncommon. Even 10 years on from when we were there, they continue to go unchallenged, and I truly believe that this is why it has escalated to this point. I stand in solidarity with every girl and woman who has come forward to share their horrific experiences at Highgate School and at least now, these issues and experiences cannot be ignored, belittled or invalidated any longer.
Whilst sharing these stories is incredibly helpful to shed light on the issues at hand at Highgate School, this is absolutely not a panacea for the embedded behavioural and cultural problems that still exist and have been continually ignored for years. It is not good enough and I hope there is a formal investigation and massive, urgent changes are put in place, to protect the current and future female generations that are exposed to this school.
Testimony 237
Once in a year 9 lesson the boy I was put sitting next to kept trying to put his hands up my skirt. I stabbed him with a pencil and he immediately exclaimed "[insert name] stabbed me with a pencil". I said "yes, because [insert name] tried to put his hands up my skirt". This was in front of the whole class. I refused to sit next to him for the rest of that lesson and demanded the teacher let me swap with someone to sit next to a friend. The teacher let me for that lesson, but for the rest of the year I still sat next to him in that subject.
Testimony 238
As a former student of this school, I can say that the problem stems from the management of the school. If even the [insert name of senior member of staff (pastoral and academic)] of Highgate school, goes wrong putting his hands on my shoulders in lessons, making them feel very uncomfortable with what’s going on, but not saying anything because who’s going to believe a student over the [insert name of senior member of staff (pastoral and academic)]. How are we meant to get rid of this rape culture when [insert name of senior member of staff (pastoral and academic)] is abusing his power. Also he use to go round and touch my neck and other male students' necks all the time. Why did he have to touch us, he’s a creepy man and this just made me believe that even more when he did these things.
When boys see this behaviour going on and see that this abuse of power is happening to them, No wonder rape culture has succeeded because it has been normalised.
There have been problems at Highgate School for years now. I even remember being in yr 6 and teachers watching us naked in the showers and commenting on our pants. Also teachers making us wear see through white shorts to swim in. This abuse of power from teachers on students has created this rape culture. As this all happened before girls arrived at the school. So this shows how from poor management and poor hiring, has let teachers abuse their powers and installed this behaviour into the young men they were teaching.
Testimony 239
As a former member of staff I was shocked, sickened and horrified by the statements above. I always felt that Highgate was a safe and happy place but maybe I was wrong. I have worked in schools where there was a clear rape culture but I did not see this at Highgate. As an example at another school two Y10 boys told me they wanted to f**k me. I reported this to the head of year who actually said ‘what can you do? It’s just boys being boys’. I know that an incident like this would have been dealt with appropriately at Highgate.
As a female who was sexually abused by a family member from a young age and, in a separate incident, raped at 19 I applaud all who have spoken out. Please continue to speak about what happened and seek help and support if you need it. I made the mistake of staying silent (‘if I don’t talk about it then it never happened’) and this has overshadowed my entire life including suicide attempts and a lifetime on antidepressants. I wish you strength, courage and healing and I am so sorry these things happened in a place where you should be safe. That you should be ranked on your ‘attractiveness’ or what you do or don’t do with a partner, suffer sexual harassment/abuse and even rape at school is utterly shocking. Please use this opportunity to work with the school so that others do not encounter what you have.
I genuinely did not see rape culture at Highgate and that is why I am so upset to read what I have. There were certain heads of house/pastoral leaders who lacked understanding and empathy and I don’t know if they are still in post. I know that as a pupil I would never have approached them with anything serious. I hope that current and new pastoral leaders are thoroughly vetted as to how they would deal with the issues brought to light. I know that the schools’s senior leaders will be devastated by what has emerged and I am confident they will seek to make changes.
One thing which strikes me is the number of incidents occurring at parties. How can drunkenness to the point of unconsciousness and the crimes of sexual abuse and rape happen with such seeming regularity at parties? Where are the parents? I could not live with myself if this happened under my very roof. I hope that parents will work with the school to end this unhealthy party culture. It is impossible for the school to police these events but it has a clear duty to educate on matters of consent and sexual politics so that pupils feel safe both in and out of school with their peers.
I hope pupils, parents, teachers, support staff and school leaders can improve this situation. I still believe that Highgate is an excellent school.
Testimony 240
I was a male teacher at Highgate for two years, finishing this September. Having attended a similar school with a similar culture myself, I am horrified to find out that this rape and misogyny culture still exists to this level and is something that the female pupils at Highgate have to deal with. I honestly heard sexism extremely rarely in my time there, and I did try my best to make sure that I called it out strongly and angrily whenever I did. I naively believed that this meant incidents such as those that I've read were rare, rather than clearly ingrained in to the fabric of the Highgate experience. I think that part of the problem is that normal teachers who would want to do more about this were kept out of the loop and deliberately shielded from what was going on.
It was clear from talking with my form that students in general, and especially girls, had zero faith in the pastoral system. On the one occasion I led a relevant PSHE, on a hypothetical scenario about a topless picture of a girl circulating amongst boys (which obviously mirrored things that had actually occured), it was notable that absolutely everyone in my Year 10 form was unequivocal that they would not go to a teacher about it because the school would not help and not make things worse. I naively thought that the pupils were wrong and that they would be helped but I now see how stupid that was. During the training for this PSHE, it was notable how much effort was placed on the illegality of the act and telling the girls what to do, rather than focusing on the moral wrongness of the massive betrayal of the boy, and the punishment that he should receive. I know that in my form I tried to focus on this aspect, but I feel that should have come from above.
In terms of what Highgate should do going forward, I think a massive overhaul of the whole system is needed. Boys need to know that if they are found making disgusting comments/"jokes", including in private, then they will be suspended and that (I feel this should go without saying) boys who are found to have committed a rape or sexual assault are permanently expelled.
I am heartened that so many of my former pupils, both boys and girls, have signed the open letter, but also sickened to now know how the girls amongst them have suffered. Highgate leadership must take on the culture of staff allowing pupils to "sort things out amongst themselves" and use a much firmer hand to lay out a new code of conduct and punish boys that do or say things that no female pupil should have to experience.
I would also add that I am disgusted by some of the stories I have read about members of staff, and I would urge the school to create a procedure that will result in discipline for some of the staff, including permanent dismissal for the worst offenders if they are still employed by the school.
I think there is an amazing school to be found in Highgate, and this time last week I was unequivocally proud to say I had worked there. I believe that if the school implements the bold action that is clearly being cried out for it is possible for the school to become the place that it presents itself as.
Testimony 241
It’s interesting to read submissions from fellow former teachers, and having done so, I thought I’d add my perspective, and to include testimony (based on hearsay), which I think should be included in the investigation.
Firstly, I’d like to reiterate the shock and sadness of my former colleagues, and to extend the apology of testimony 227: we should have done more to confront the ‘low level’ misogyny which we witnessed. I do, though, think pupils couldn’t be aware of what always goes on behind the scenes. For example, testimony #143 recalls a sexist Maths teacher. As a tutor, I was told about this at the time (though certainly not the ordeal written about in detail): what I was able to say to my tutees (where I hope I was supportive) was obviously very different from what I reported to both his Head of Department and senior pastoral figures. As that testimony said, he left the school pretty soon after. I’m afraid that when they asked ‘why’, the school was probably right not to go into details, but they (me included) should have made the students feel more supported than we did. There are other instances where I’m pretty certain the school did take far more action than students believe, including involving the police. What I think they have utterly failed in is to find a way to support and reassure students rather than being hamstrung by potential legal disputes. They also never truly confronted the toxic masculinity which so often existed in the smaller room off the main sixth form common room, which was always an intimidating place to go, even for teachers. These failings helped perpetuate the horrific culture evinced by so many of the deeply saddening testimonies.
The investigation should be thorough and robust. It needs to confront senior staff with uncomfortable truths and perspectives. One of which hasn’t been featured much in the testimonies, probably as it concerned boys rather than girls, but testimony #238 reflects many rumours I heard about a VERY senior (academic and pastoral) member of staff. That testimony includes a reflection of being made uncomfortable by being touched on the neck by the [insert name of senior member of staff (academic and pastoral)]. Although I never witnessed anything, so this is hearsay, I do recall conversations about [insert name of senior member of staff (academic and pastoral)] showing a year 13 boy how to tie a bowtie by doing so on that boy’s thigh. Another anecdote: during a housemasters’ / pastoral meeting, the [insert name of senior member of staff (academic and pastoral)] is purported to have made a totally inappropriate gesture about how girls wearing short skirts walking up the tunnel’s steps made men and boys want to put their hands up their skirts. I was not there, but it rightly angered at least one housemaster at the time. I hope that any investigation asks former teachers about their recollections, including housemasters from around 2012. I believe the [insert name of senior member of staff (academic and pastoral)] was confronted about what he said after the meeting. There were other rumours too. Despite this, I do think that the [insert name of senior member of staff (academic and pastoral)] is utterly sincere in his abhorrence of the actions which have been reported here: he’s flawed, but does care for his students and certainly wished to rid the school of the ‘macho’ culture which existed when he joined. He has obviously failed to achieve this, but has also improved the school remarkably in his time in many respects. Sadly, if the school is to show it’s totally serious in removing the unacceptable culture which exists, and to actually deal with it to the extent they can, he needs to leave.
The extent of these revelations is utterly shocking. The brave girls and women who have written their testimonies need to be listened to, and actions must be taken. Writing about ‘balance’ when confronted by such trauma is obviously tricky, and may, understandably, be construed to be failing to realise the seriousness of the accusations (which I totally believe). I do, though, think that the vast majority of students have and had an overwhelmingly positive experience at Highgate, that the staff mentioned are fundamentally ‘good’ people with no base motives, the senior staff do truly care about the students, and overly focusing on individual schools is missing the fundamental point. If a school like Highgate which is more enlightened than any other school I have worked in / come across, has failed so poorly, then I suggest that we should be looking at societal causes.
Testimony 242
I’m a coward, and I would say this is the main issue of Highgate and most private schools with the same issue, which is that male students are cowardly. Being raised in such a privileged way, obviously has its material advantages but when it comes to rape culture it has its downsides. All the boys at Highgate were all talk and no bite (including myself,) meaning that the majority of boys never properly stood up to the minority of perpetrators. I write this with shame but it is difficult for boys to call out their male peers. The one time I tried to do so ended in two punches being thrown and then everyone holding myself and the other boy back. After it happened I lost most of my boy mates, not because they were all bad people but because like me I think they were too cowardly to do anything. Sexual abuse is a complicated issue, and too complicate things further, the girl who had been abused by this boy, took the boy back and returned to dating him. So i made the decision which I’ll regret for the rest of my life, to make the cowardly decision and return to being friends with that group of people. It’s the responsibility of Highgate teachers to take this decision away from students, by properly listening and educating students.
I’ve read all the testimonies here and something which I disagree with is how the school should handle these events. The fact is the school legally is obligated to notify the police after a formal complaint has been made. Victims of assault which I knew never wanted to take things to the police. School cannot be the jury, judge and executioner. So we are left with a difficult question, which I think has only been made worse by the cowardice of boys at Highgate. I knew someone who originally had gone to a state school, upon hearing of an incident, she asked rather casually something along the lines of should I contact some people to go have him beaten up. Is this a perfect solution? No, not at all however I would say that if the boys at Highgate were willing to carry out this sort of vigilante justice, I have no doubt that the number and prevalence of sexual assault would be diminished. The boys at Highgate were perfectly willing to chat shit about rapists behind their back, I believe if they showed a willingness to do something, rape/assault would happen far less.
If you’ve made it this far you probably somewhat agree with me. Here is probably where I loose a lot of people who may agree with me. I would say that comments about the appearance of girls were common place in Highgate, less common but still a daily conversation which I would have with my girl mates was about the appearance of boys. People will and in my opinion should be allowed to discuss who they find attractive. The issue is the reverse where people talk about how “clapped,” certain people are, I’ve heard boys say this about girls, I’ve heard girls say this about girls, I’ve heard boys say this about boys and I’ve heard girls say this about boys. I would say that the former is probably the most prevalent, girls discussing girls is also common and widespread. What I’m trying to say is that bullying and discussion of appearance is a multi gender issue.
I’ll probably loose the most people with this point, but if you are walking up the stairs and the person behind you can see you arse, then your skirt is too short for school. This does not condone people who upskirt or stare, but in a school it’s too short. It’s not like boys are intentionally looking, it’s literally just in your eyeline. I found this particularly difficult when I was in sixth form (an adult) and girls like 14 were walking up the stairs in front. I obviously had no sexual attraction too children, so it felt like a mine field sometimes trying to get to class, I would just stare at my feet. THIS IS NOT SOME LIKE MENS RIGHTS issue or whatever its just a fact. (Which I don’t really know how to solve)
Too finish I would like to apologise, as I’ve been complicit in the culture of Highgate. I’ve said some pretty awful things and I didn’t do enough to help combat this issue. Too anyone I wronged in my childish hormonal insecurity, I’m deeply sorry, words are meaningless so I promise that if I ever have a son he’ll be taught to be better
Testimony 243
Having graduated from Highgate nearly 6 years ago, it’s so disappointing to hear that the discrimination and misogyny I experienced as a young girl at the school has not improved.
I joined Highgate in the second year of co-education, 2007 - 2014. At around 16, I was sexually assaulted by a boy in my year, and subsequently ostracised by my peer group when rumours branded me as a slut and a liar. It got so bad that I vividly remember contemplating suicide. I would never have even considered going to a teacher as they were not safe or approachable figures - the teachers archaic attitude towards consent and harassment were almost as bad as the pupils. The culture at Highgate very much followed the line that ‘boys will be boys’ and girls were asking for it.
Only as an adult have I realised how traumatising the situation was, and how much it’s affected my self-worth and confidence. From the hundreds of similar stories on here, it’s heartbreaking to think how many other girls will have to grow up with these same experiences and how many boys will grow up thinking they can get away with it.
It’s clear that the school have still not reviewed or addressed its policies to create a safe and welcome environment for its female students. The patriarchal heritage of the school is, in my opinion, the reason for ongoing problems of sexism, misogyny, slut-shaming and rape culture that is so deeply embedded in the school’s community.
Violent sexual language was casually used amongst male students, commonly in front of teachers and in classrooms - ‘I’m going to rape and kill your sister/mum’ was an average and acceptable joke. It would quickly get darker and more specific that than too. My resounding memory is a severe lack of protection and intervention from teachers, I have no memory of a teacher calling out this behaviour or seeing a boy get in trouble for using this language. There was no serious punishment for sexual harassment which is why it has seemingly continued for years.
This attitude stemmed from how girls were treated by teachers, in year 7 - I was forced to wear a ‘pinafore of shame’ because my skirt was supposedly too short (I was 5’6 at 12 years old, my mum had to tell the teachers I struggled to find an appropriate fitting school skirt to fight my case). This was so humiliating and gave the boys the opportunity to shame me for being a ‘slut’ and ‘wanting it’ because even the teachers were implying this. I never looked unpresentable, I never purposely hitched my skirt up - I was being punished for being awkwardly tall and told by my teachers I was being sexually provocative (at 12 years old).
This continued throughout school, I feared being stopped in the busy hallways and shouted at for the way I looked. I remember the female teachers were often even worse than the male teachers. I was once very publicly shamed by a female teacher (in year 8) in front of the class, when she told me my skirt was too short and ‘no one wants to see what I’m advertising’. Everyone laughed and I remember taking the next day off school because I was so embarrassed.
Even in 2014, the infamous ‘black list’ was still circulated every week and announced in registration to publicly shame girls who had been ‘reported’ for having short skirts.
I’ve seen some testimonies (mainly ex-teachers) on here justifying highgate’s excessive policing of girl’s skirt lengths. I can’t believe that in 2021 people are still arguing a case for this. The easier option is to stop advocating sexual objectification of girls and instead, educate boys that a short skirt is NOT an invitation for sex. There is nothing inherently sexual about a skirt, especially a very young girl’s skirt. It’s the invented connotation that a short skirt means a sexual invitation, which is deeply misogynistic and should be deconstructed and abolished without any doubt. Being a teenage girl is awkward and confusing enough without having your body constantly policed.
I have so much respect for the current students who actioned this walk-out and have successfully brought this problem to the forefront of public attention. I’m glad too, that these young girls can acknowledge this culture of rape and misogyny for what it is. While I was there, it was so common and everyday for us to be sexually victimised (verbally and physically) that we never felt able to speak out, even amongst ourselves, because we didn’t know we could. We were silenced through a lack of support and by a culture that excused these boys’ behaviour - ‘boys will be boys.’ I only realised these experiences qualified as sexual harassment once I left the bubble of school and entered a world that taught me women are allowed to speak up and you don’t have to do what men tell you. I hope Highgate take real strives to abolish rape culture and sexual harassment within their institution and start protecting future students.
Testimony 244
Personally, reading through these testimonies has been very shocking, and as a male currently attending Highgate, and having been at the school for a very long time, the accounts of sexual assault and rape culture in general were really surprising to me as I've never heard or experienced anything like the things being written here. But I guess looking back now, I think I've probably made quite a few inappropriate comments about girls, especially with that one game 'MFK', which-now I realise-basically just objectifies girls.
So I guess, in the future, I'll try to look out for misogyny more and be more conscientious of my comments and wording.
Testimony 245
Rape culture at highgate school is like that experiment of a frog in a slowly heating pan until the water is boiling and the frog dies, because the effect is so gradual it won’t jump out. It doesn’t know it’s suffering. It’s a slow burn that starts from the day you walk in. In year 7, boys in my class made fun of girls for being flat chested, we were 11. In year 8, I was catcalled right outside school, and a staff member, a chaperone I presume, saw and I think just a comment of, ‘are you ok?’ would’ve let me know that that’s not normal. In year 8 or 9, I remember walking out of PSHE thinking the tea video was the funniest thing they’d ever seen. So what message does that leave girls? That their body has the right to be violated as a joke for men. We need better education on all the nuances of consent. In year 10, I was sexually assaulted by a boy at highgate I was dating. He was new to y10, so never had had a consent talk between moving school and us dating. Hence a reasoning for regular consent talks. I share half of my lessons with to this day. All my friends loved to joke around him, and be friendly with him when they know my story and have seen the evidence, alongside knowing how it upsets me. It took me a year to speak to my head of house, even though I wrote down on paper that day exactly what happened, so I wouldn’t forget. She is the only person I could trust with this, as the senior staff act are authoritarian figures who aren’t made to seem as if they work in our interest. I didn’t know how easy it was to just go and ask not to be sat next to him(without teachers knowing anything), or not to be scheduled with him for a levels, with no need for a report. Yet, when I went to ask about the reports process, I received few answers. I didn’t want my bigoted foreign parents involved, nor the police, and I was fearful of which staff would have to hear such a violently personal story. I just wanted some kind of warning or education targeted to him to prevent it. I learnt that other girls, both at highgate and at his old school(to which I dug to find his exes due to being far away), have had experiences. Yet, the same boy makes misogynistic jokes in front of our shared (predominately male) teachers who ignore it, despite my violent upset at it being him, joking about rape, and permitting it from his friendship group. Yet he posts infographics on his story about sexual assault as an issue. I recently texted him about it, to which he admitted to it yet responded with a joke(after he posted the infographic). Whilst I was violently upset about feelings that had been brought up due to the recent discussion.
This is also a side note about misogynistic comments from teachers:
My friends form tutor has said girls look ‘dressed to go to a strip club’, or that they were asking to be assaulted, or to just say no and nothing will happen. A DT teacher(who has left), used to line the girls up and determine the ones who sat at the front by who had the shortest skirt, often accompanied by, ‘you look like you’ll be trouble’.A maths teacher told me I was ‘part of the problem’ for not wanting to be subjected to misogyny in predominantly male subjects(further maths here). Though small, as a scientifically-minded person, I feel like a lot of my participation in and choices for these subjects were to balance a gender ratio(physics department???). Therefore, I think an open hero complaints page, preferably anonymous, should be made to submit instances of sexism, and by extension, racism and homophobia by staff, as going to senior staff about minor incidences is difficult. Teachers should merely be cautioned for their language to break the cycle of rape culture, as many young boys’ role models.
To link back to the slowly boiling pan of water: I still question my own assault, despite the worded evidence from him over text, despite my own memories, despite it fitting comfortably within the parameters of the legal definition. Because I’m f*cking numb. I’m f*cking numb because I’ve been a female student at Highgate for 5 years, and we all are.
Testimony 246
Regardless of the degree of veracity of any of the testimonies submitted, one abuse that has certainly taken place is that of the English language. A great deal of what is written here is subliterate in too many ways to enumerate. It is surprising that pupils of such a respected school are unable, unwilling or unconcerned to write better; such laxity diminishes sympathy and credibility for them, and they do themselves a disservice in being content to perpetrate so many glaring solecisms, even with the protection of anonymity. Who can be bothered to read through so many pages of these unpolished effusions?
Testimony 247
In response to Henry Higgins (249), traumatised women and girls may well find it difficult to recount their experiences of sexual assault, violence, public humiliation, betrayal, shunning, phobias, ptsd and depression (for example) at all, and let alone with regard to honing their experiences into literary masterpieces. This should go without saying, even to the most insensitive oaf, I should have thought. Furthermore, first drafts or ‘unpolished effusions’ as you put it, are far more likely to have the ring of sincerity, and this is extremely important to women and girls who are routinely treated with scepticism, doubt and blame when coming forward with allegations of sexual assault, as has been very widely documented since forever. I have no doubt that studied passages of rhetoric would result in accusations of manipulation and insincerity by people such as yourself. Finally, in my opinion, your own writing is overstated, overwrought and cliched; the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue etc.
Testimony 248
I joined the school 1995 and left in 2011. In my experience the school has always strived to educate its pupils in becoming mature well rounded adults.
Never did I experience anything close to the messages being posted and discussed.
Misbehaviour in and outside the school was always taken seriously by pastoral heads and complaints from voices were always listened to, regardless of gender or sexuality.
It’s concerning that so many younger pupils see this as an issue when many many before them have not shared this experience. The school fosters an inclusive and positive atmosphere, I do not recognise these claims.
Testimony 249
I was a teacher at Highgate and always found the pastoral care was very good, when given by the House Masters. I cannot comment on how it is done now with a vertical and horizontal structure in place. The staff have a difficult time and I imagine almost all of the incidents happened off site at parties etc. This is really down to the parents who must keep a closer eye on their children. I did hear of stories from various parties but never were any comments passed to me that needed acting upon and I would stop the conversation immediately when it started to just go to tittle tattle. Dealing with consent is a difficult thing and when I was there the PHSE was done by the tutors some of whom were not much older than the pupils and that makes things harder. I have to say that not everybody took PHSE seriously and some staff and pupils sometimes thought of it as downtime. Perhaps all the comments will change their views. I always regarded myself as an educator rather than a teacher.
Testimony 250
The offenders don’t get properly punished since the school is too scared to do anything. it’s a “joke” or “overreacting”
I havent directly been affected by rape but people don’t take it seriously enough
Testimony 251
Three years after I left Highgate, I had kept in contact with one guy who I believed to be one of my closest friends. For years he had jokingly expressed his interest in me but I had always made it clear to him that I wasn't interested beyond friendship. After a university party where I was very drunk, he kissed me. He then followed me home and told me I needed accompanying even though I insisted he go home as I was with a friend. A few of us were back at mine and I passed out in a bed next to one of my girl friends who was with us. I woke up to him sexually assaulting me. full. on. Sexual assault. I ran out the room and went to sleep in the living room and didn't speak to him again until I confronted him about it a month later and he outright denied doing it. I never spoke to him again and never did anything about it for obvious reasons. The memory haunts be to this day and has significantly impacted my mental health, as well as my comfort and trust around sex and relationships with men. It was utterly traumatic. I don't have him or any of his friends on social media but on the off chance an image pops up with him in it, or even think about what happened, a physical and emotional pain is triggered that is so severe and I don't know how to deal with it so it just lives inside of me.
Now I will talk about my experiences from when I was at Highgate School and then I will comment upon what I believe to be the failure of the school. It is hard to put into words how entrenched rape culture was. I went to highgate between 2009-2011. In that time I experienced and witnessed a plethora of traumatising experiences ranging from slut shaming chants every time myself or another 'popular' girl walked into a room, being manipulated to try and get me to send nude pictures, sending me nude pictures of my friend in a bid to coerce me to do the same (essentially sharing child pornography as the photos were taken of her from when she was 14), degrading and racist language such as being told I would be hot if I wasn't brown, looking through my handbag to find a box of condoms then scattering them around the classroom and laughing hysterically while I frantically tried to collect them all up in tears, constant rating of the girls and telling them their numbers, the boys constantly passing round naked images of girls from neighbouring schools, constant belittling of girls to a point where being a girl meant you were a joke, the list goes on and some memories have been blurred and blocked out because at the time, you have to survive. But essentially it was a never ending emotional stress to be a girl at Highgate at that time unless you literally hid yourself away but even then they would find a way to harass or bully you. They even created a fb group called 'I hate _______' and bullied her out of the school because she got the common room TV to be changed from sky sports to BBC news. They cornered her and shouted abuse at her until she cried, for days until she left. Don't even get me started on the school's failing there. Also, none of this happened discretely. It was overt and normalised. It happened loudly in the corridors and in the classrooms. It was blatant and constant. By the time I left school I felt like I had to cut these people from my life, I felt like the girls upheld the culture and encouraged the boys but now I see that they were trapped.
But it was more than that. The group of about 30 lads in the year group who were directly contributing to rape culture through their actions and language were mostly athletic, academically strong and physically attractive. For the ones who didn't meet those standards, the pressure to get girls was immense which directly contributed to a culture of non-consent. I have experienced this first hand as well as heard since from ex highgate girls who were sexually assaulted by boys who wanted what they wanted and found a way to get it. If they couldn't get girls in consensual ways, they got girls through manipulation, preying on vulnerability and in extreme cases, rape.
I have been teaching for 6 years now in schools across the UK and abroad. There is no excuse for schools that fail to detect and address these very apparent toxic cultures. There is no two ways about it. [insert name of senior member of pastoral and academic staff], [insert name of senior member of pastoral staff] and the rest of them FAILED US. I even remember inappropriate comments from male teachers about girls' skirts and I haven't even begun to explain the differential treatment experienced by girls from male teachers. I think we were the second or third round of girls entering the school. There was absolutely zero education about sexual consent, sexuality, gendered violence, gender issues etc. Things were brushed under the carpet and ignored. These boys were made to feel like they were heroes. They got away with it all.
It was a f*cking hell hole.
I could talk forever about my experiences at Highgate. It was unbelievably toxic. It was mortifying. I am happy to speak more on my experiences if ever there need be.