Putting the ”N” in News
Hey all a quick note from Lord Syruss O’Leary. While I am still waiting for our usual editor Dresden to return we have been hard at work here revamping The Kazoo. Once again Puzzle at the Bottom, winner of the first submission will get a magical artifact. We will be working hard to get at least one issue a month.
Look for event announcements, contests, coupons and much, much, more.
(Far all past issues of the Neden Kazoo head on over to (http://www.thenationofneden.com/neden-kazoo.html)
Outside, Looking ‘N’
Hello there! It’s your friendly neighborhood Mouse again and I’m back exploring the exciting lands of Neden. It’s been a really crazy time around the area lately. Syruss has taken over as Lord, and the annual Monster Cleanup was recently underway. I was a little wary of strolling out into the wilds after that, so I decided it might be safer to sit down and have a nice chat with one of the locals. Priest Z was all too happy to talk, and he even offered me cookies…so how could I refuse?
How did such a colorful character like him come to be in a place like Neden, I wondered? So I asked him!
“Well you see,” Z began, “That question goes back many, many years to when a young demon by the name of Syruss approached me and asked me to join his church. That was the Church of Dark Haven. Once I joined, I worked my way up the ranks until Syruss left me on the Dark Isle to run the Church for him while he was away. Then, a few years ago, he asked me to come and help him in Neden and I left the Isle and my Acolytes behind to go off and adventure.”
Intrigued, I continued my line of questioning. “Well, why did you stay in Neden and not go back?” I asked.
“Because I found myself being able to teach people better by being off the island,” Z explained. “While adventuring and staying within Neden I was able to spread my teachings easily, having a more widespread impact on the Realms in terms of recruiting more followers for the Church.”
“And what’s your absolute favorite part of living within Neden, Z?” I asked. So far his answers had been logical, but I was curious where his emotions would take him. Was he the sentimental sort?
“The complete sense of freedom. I’m allowed to pursue all of my interests; and the darker ones are just as encouraged as the more lighthearted. That sense of freedom is great, especially when you tamper with the All. Not to mention the brotherhood is wonderful.”
Thoughtfully, I pondered his words. What darker interests was he talking about? Not wanting to get into a religious debate with my host, I decided to move on to a lighter topic. “What’s your favorite color?”
Z seemed unsure about this, and walked himself through the thoughts in his head. “I’m partial towards black and greys, but I’m also fond of greens which shouldn’t be surprising given that I’m in Neden. But if I had to go with one color, I’d have to say silver.”
The Vandor worshipper in me approved, but I didn’t waste any time moving onto my next favorite topic. “What’s your favorite animal?” I asked eagerly, leaning in to listen.
“That would be my goat. His name is Baaahamut.” Z ignored my squeals of delight at the cuteness of the name and continued on. “It should be noted that unlike normal goats he can eat anything, and anything he eats is sacrificed to the All.”
I cringed a little. Suddenly the goat seemed a bit more frightening than adorable. I had to find something else to talk about. “What do you do for fun in Neden?”
“If I’m not out drinking with the boys or practicing a dark ritual, both of which provide me great joy, I don’t know…I typically stick to my meditations and prayers. I have been known to go out dancing once in a while, but I’m really known for being astute and prefer to stick to my mindful practices.”
The comment about drinking with the boys got me thinking about the real important questions. “Alright Z. Here it is. The big one. Who is the best drinking buddy in Neden?”
Z took a breath and frowned like he was thinking it over. “That’s a tough one. Each of the boys have their own qualities that make them excellent drinking buddies; but I’d say if you want a night of wild partying like you’ve never experienced then you’d want our Lord, Mister Syruss O’Leary.”
I made a mental note to check in with Syruss next time I saw him at a party and moved to the last question on my list. This one was for the readers at home. “Last question Z, since I’m visiting all the time, what destinations in Neden do you recommend for touring?”
“Once our castle returns home, I’d really suggest that,” Z said matter-of-factly. “It’s been altered by a lot of magic and each doorway has the possibility of teleporting you to a different location. It’s really something interesting.”
All in all it was a very informative chat and I didn’t walk away hungry. I can’t wait to continue my adventures and see what else the lands of Neden have to offer.
I Can't Even
I Can't Even
Oh, hello again. I almost didn't have time for you this month as I have been very busy. Of course, I am not the only one, as it seems many in the Realms have been busy little beavers lately. Everywhere I look folks are building, planning, crafting, and cooking up a storm. For what purpose I haven't a clue, it's not like we're likely to just get randomly attacked and suddenly need all these extra weapons and armor, or need to spend all day adventuring in the woods because some wise old wizard told us to and now we need a giant meal to replenish us. But clearly we denizens of the Realms like to be prepared.
I did notice something disturbing though in my observations. It's always the same people working. At first I thought that perhaps it was simply my imagination and that maybe these hard workers were all we have left in the Realms and everyone else had departed for greener pastures. But then I noticed that when there was something fun going on, like a tournament or party, suddenly the population of the Realms swells considerably. Where were these plebs when there was work to be done? Do we only have 'party plebs' now?
I decided to launch my own investigation, and where better to investigate than in your own home. As my home is also my business, and I employ all manner of guards, entertainers, housekeepers, gardeners, and random people who I am sure have some sort of job description, I have no shortage of test subjects. Summertime tends to be a slower time at Alchemia Lupinaar, apparently human contact isn't what people want when it's a hundred degrees, so it's a perfect time to get things done. We have a copious amount of projects going on that require workers with varying degrees of skill in many different skill sets, so there is something that everyone can help with at any given time.
At first I kept quiet and let people do as they will and just observed them in action. I have hundreds of employees, and I kept seeing the same twenty or so constantly working, another few handfuls of them that helped out some but perhaps were busy with other things and were doing what they could, a large gaggle of them that only helped out when I was watching them, and then the rest of them who quite honestly were completely useless. So then I started asking them to help out. Dear reader, I did not know such a plethora of excuses could exist. Seriously. I was going to pick the most unbelievable one, but I can't even choose which of them was the worst. Suffice it to say they were all terrible. So over the last month or so the same small handful of people have done the lion's share of the work, and a large number of people have done a whole lot of nothing.
“But Zarine, you always talk about how you love doing nothing”. Yes, yes I do. Being lazy is literally the best. But when there is work to be done you best believe that I will get up off my lazy arse and do it. And if someone as lackadaisical as me can get up and work, there is not much of an excuse for the rest of you. You of course are wondering how we solve such a disparity in labor. Well, the doers could do less, and the others could do more, and that works in some cases. Some of my employees were just clueless and once it was pointed out to them that they were useless, they at least made an attempt to be less useless. And the ones who didn't and just kept making excuses, I fired them.
So, this brings me to the point of this whole tirade: I'm hiring! Lots of openings are available for immediate employment opportunities. We are a totally unequal opportunity employer, many of you are encouraged not to apply. Please send your resume to Alchemia Lupinaar, and then don't contact us, we'll contact you!
‘N’ Local News
Sir Dith was quoted saying "These young kids are future Neden Boys and need to know how to not only punch a face but be punched in the face in return!"
Local Pint Size Legend Sir Al is set to play at The GroggyAle Craft Cidery. His all acoustic set is gearing up to cover some of his smash hits like; "Aint no sunshine when Als gone", " You got a friend in Gnomes", " AL be there with a love so strong", and much much more
Missing Warebear: Jean Baptise has been seen frantically looking for one of his missing "pets" Buttons was last seen mauling a nearby school kart. If you have any information about this Warebear please see a local Neden Boy.
Hot new Gumbo by GUMBO....One of Neden's resident chefs is at it again this time with a new Pizza Gumbo. "We have tons of Pizza Zombies. It seem like a waste to not use some of that free product," Gumbo stated.
When asked if he was using the pizza or the zombie for the gumbo he refused to comment.
FROM THE FORGE
By Lord Syruss O’Leary
This took quite a bit of time especially when I had Sir Naj and Priest Z enchant these Runes to Glow in the Darkest Nights.
A Cider Review
By jean Baptise
Hello everyone it’s me, it’s me. It’s Jean Bap Tise. Here with another exciting summer cider for your collection.
….What do you mean its September Lord Syruss! How am I supposed to write a review on a PINEAPPLE SUMMER IN THE MIDDLE OF FALL? Do you think this is a joke? Baptise Fun Cider time is a sacred trust, and you want to just shatter all of that! A pox on you, a pox on your whisky, a pox on your fancy hat…Ahem, that, that was nothing. So let's begin!
Lei is a summer beer from the company: Far from the Tree, a rather expensive cider located somewhere along… I’d say Chimeron. The thing about this company is they sell tall can 4 packs rather then wholesome 12 pack of bottles like our lord Min expects outta a cider brewery.
However, this gives them that “oh look at how exclusive and cool we are” kind of vibe, because sometimes with food the price tag is its own gimmick. *Cough Utopias cough*
Within this company this is their summer line, doing a classic technic I call the culinary chain. “Ingredient X goes with Y, Y goes with Z, so if we put all three together it will work even if X doesn’t go with Z”. And to be fair, it mostly works, so long as you like jalapeños.
Since Far from the Tree know you don’t drink beer to go “oh its spicy” (That’s what the fireball is for) the heats almost entirely cut from the drink, in no small part because alcohol neutralizes capsaicin. What the jalapeno does provide is the sort of earthy aftertaste you get from biting into a raw pepper. This fortunately pairs well with the sweetness of the pineapple.
This cider is designed for BBQs, which you can tell in no small part from the little blurb on the back that says “Hey this cider was designed for BBQ’s.” And I think it works well in this, it cuts through the taste of pork rather well and pairs well with most meats. Unfortunately, this cider is, at the end of the day, a bit of a gimmick like many of Far from the Trees so if you don’t like the gimmick you won’t like the cider. After all who sips a pineapple cocktail by the fireplace for instance.
If only there was a more stable cider these people made, one that could more properly be drunk past the summer, one filled with national pride, the Beer of Cider perhaps.The O’Leary Ci- just kidding Far from the tree made a copy of that too:
That is right folks we have a twofer! Nova is the headline in the long line of Far From the Tree’s gimmicky beers. You didn’t think they called themselves Far for their traditional standpoint.
For the record other ciders, they make include Strawberry Basil, Toasted Chai, and Cranberry Herbed, making this the ‘normal’ one.
Unlike our summer ale and more like the exclusive local ciders Neden has this is a rather robust drink that tries to copy the smooth taste of a IPA, that sort of dirty grit that everyone says is fancy. I’ve seen it compared favorably to a canned sangria but I don’t particularly see it.
As you can see both drinks are 8.0% and with their price tag they certainly aren’t chuggin’ drinks.
What the Nova has is the ability to go outside the box enough for you to recognize what is different about it, you can drink this and see that you’re not just sipping an Angry Orchard from the get go (You already knew it wasn’t Redd because it didn’t induce vomiting). In that way it means that, like it or hate it, you paid for a experience and you are getting your money’s worth on that. Though those people who want a cider for funsies and sweetness may want to look at cheaper ciders.
The main flaw in this is that you can just buy a O’Leary cider for much cheaper when (if) they come out again. I mean it’s the same gimmick.
From the Lord's Desk
Lord Syruss O’Leary