Invisible Does Not Equal Imaginary

Just because you can’t always see it doesn’t make it any less real.

By Lucas Nioi

Photo credit: MissLunaRose12, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

Every day, people quietly struggle with depression, anxiety, ADHD, and so much more. Often, these struggles go unnoticed. This ignorance can not only prevent people from accessing support but also lead to others invalidating their struggles; people so often fall into the trap of “seeing is believing.” This approach doesn’t work when it comes to neurological conditions because by their very nature they are invisible.

“But you don’t seem anxious/depressed/…?”

        Many people, especially those with mental health conditions, learn to mask how they really feel. They might be ashamed, think that their condition makes them “weak,” or feel like people won’t understand what they’re going through.

        Just because someone doesn’t outwardly express their emotions, it doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling them inside. If someone opens up to you about how they’re feeling, take the time to listen to them without correcting, judging, or interrupting. Even this simple act can make a huge difference to someone’s wellbeing.

“You’re just lazy.”

        ADHD, executive dysfunction, depression, burnout and more can affect motivation and energy. When someone seems demotivated, the worst thing you can do is make them feel worse about it. They are probably already beating themselves up inside.

        The truth is that when your brain is wired differently, it is not a choice to be demotivated, burnt out, or depressed. They don’t choose to miss out on life, but sometimes it becomes too much for them. Give them space to rest and recharge, and they’ll be back when they’re ready.

“It’s not that bright/loud/busy.”

        Even if you may not find an environment overwhelming, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t too much for some people. For example, I cope very well with very stimulating environments, and I can even study in places like a busy library. However, many of my friends would struggle to cope with some environments I am totally comfortable with.

        It is important to remember that no two people experience the world the same way. Your personal experience is not universal. If someone tells you they’re overwhelmed, ask how you can help. It might be as simple as moving away from a crowded area or choosing a different spot to meet up, but it can make a huge difference to the comfort of your friend.

“But you were fine yesterday.”

        Many conditions fluctuate. This sadly means that one good day doesn’t mean they’re “cured.” On the other hand, this bad day is likely to pass, and better ones are coming. All you can do as an ally is celebrate and make the most of the good days and be there for them on the bad days. It’s much harder than it sounds, but it really is that simple.

“It’s all in your head.”

        Again, even if the struggle is invisible, it’s still real; even if you can’t relate to someone’s emotions, they’re still real. This is possibly the worst thing to say to anyone struggling with any kind of mental issue because it completely dismisses their very real pain. No one in history has ever decided they’re going to be anxious, depressed, or anything else — because it’s torture.

        People say this because they want you to get better; they want your struggle to end because it’s painful for them, too. However, they should be focusing on supporting you, not dismissing you, which is all this achieves.

The bottom line

        The most important thing to remember is this: invisible does not equal imaginary. The way to solve mental health is not by ignoring, invalidating, or telling someone to “get on with it” — it’s by listening, being there for them, and remembering that their problems are very real, even if you can’t relate.

Find out more

If you’re looking for a safe space to talk about neurodiversity and mental health online, you’re in the right place! If you have any questions or just want to chat, please feel free to start a discussion! We’re always happy to hear from you, and we’ll try to get back to you promptly.

Remember: you deserve to feel seen, safe, and supported as your full self, through good times and bad.

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References

MissLunaRose12. “Autism Aspect Masking 1,” Wikimedia Commons, 25 Oct. 2019, commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Autism_Aspect_Masking_1.png. Accessed 1 Aug. 2025.