Map: Postpartum Intentions

Workbook

Oftentimes in pregnancy, new parents focus on their plans and intentions for the birth, while overlooking important aspects of the postpartum period. While there are many things that you cannot plan, both in birth and postpartum, there are things you can do to prepare for the experience. This workbook, Postpartum Intentions: A Map for the Unknown can be used as a tool for considering many of the important touch points and decisions of Fourth Trimester preparation.

The primary goal of working through this exercise with parents is awakening the adult archetypes within; the secondary goal is making practical plans for their postpartum period.  If they begin planning for their Postpartum Return now by asking themselves questions and expanding their ideas of how it might unfold, they are more likely to enter this phase with curiosity, compassion, and flexibility than with shock, self-judgment, and resentment.  

When to share this process:  

Towards the end of a series or weekend immersion, or during a prenatal visit that is focused on preparing for the postpartum journey.  

Validation:  

It is normal to be focused on preparing for labor and birth, and it can be challenging to think beyond that. Just like pregnancy, labor, and birth, it’s hard to imagine what the postpartum journey will look like! Or feel like! Or  require from you! Who will you be then? What will it mean for your relationship? How will you move through the world differently? All of these thoughts can be overwhelming, and sometimes it feels easier to  think, “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” Just like other initiations and trials in life, we know that  people who prepare prenatally for their postpartum time — by laying the foundation for coping, recovery, and support — may be more  likely to find their footing and navigate that part of the journey with less angst, exhaustion, and depletion.  

Motivation:  

Preparing  prenatally for postpartum may allow parents to surrender to what needs to happen in the birth, and in the first days afterwards, knowing that they have some plans in place and some people to lean on. This is a great time to think through coping strategies and resources that they might need to tap into, rather than trying to pull those together in the midst of recovering from birth! Can you see how looking at this now, and even  getting a few things in writing, might allow parents to move forward with  less uncertainty about the postpartum time?  

The Process:

If you are presenting this to parents, move through each section and offer ideas for things that may be important to include, if needed.  You/they may reference a completed Postpartum Intentions workbook as an example to generate ideas.  

Support for Rest in Early Postpartum

A useful categorization for postpartum is distinguishing between visitors and helpers.  Many people have not considered this distinction in relation to postpartum and how this may impact their plan for rest and care.

Visitors – These are loved ones who tend to want to come see you to socialize. You may feel like you need to host them or “clean up” for them.  They often are motivated by a desire to see and hold the baby, the latter of which some new parents may not be ready for.

Helpers – These are loved ones who are willing and comfortable helping with household chores (i.e. cooking, cleaning). You feel some level of comfort asking them to do things for you. They support the new family to bond and rest after birth with no expectations of holding the baby, or may hold the baby only while you shower or sleep. They may also offer support by entertaining older children.

A note about asking for help:

Depending on cultural conditioning, personal experiences, and a variety of other factors, asking for help may be something that is challenging. It can be uncomfortable for some parents to think about asking people to come into their homes, which may be messy, or to witness them in such a vulnerable state. It can be helpful to validate and normalize not only the need for support, but also the feelings of resistance that may be coming up while offering examples of ways they can lean into this idea, big or small.

Meal Planning:

Some people may like the idea of community members bringing them food, but are concerned that loved ones bringing meals may also wish to visit, which can feel overwhelming.  One idea is to share boundaries around visits preemptively, when loved ones agree to bring food (We’re not hosting visitors right now, we look forward to being together in the near future!)  or they can put a cooler outside of their door with a sign that says, “ Thank you so much for supporting our new family at this time. We look forward to scheduling a visit with you soon!”

Ask a friend who has a talent for organizing to set up a “Meal Train.” They will be the point person for setting up the meal train through an online service or spreadsheet, sending it out, and answering questions on your behalf. It is ideal to make these arrangements before the baby is born. Assist your friend by providing a list of names and email addresses of your loved ones. Remember that even though it sometimes feels awkward to ask this of friends, people LOVE to feel like they are supporting postpartum families! Have you ever enjoyed supporting a new family in this way?

Encourage parents to be clear and honest with cuisine preferences and allergies, and to consider asking for snacks and meals other than dinner. It can be useful to name local restaurants and favorite delivery meals for friends and family who want to help but are far away, short on time, or disinclined to cook themselves.

Baby Feeding:

Similar to goals and intentions for birth, baby feeding can be an unpredictable journey.  It is useful for parents to consider the people and resources that may be helpful to them in postpartum, should they need more support, or a different kind of support than they were expecting.  Use this section to document phone numbers, recommended professionals,  referrals, etc. that may be needed. Trying to do this kind of research while tired, tender, and healing can increase stress and anxiety.

Self-Care:

The variety and accessibility of things we may usually do to care for ourselves can be  very different in the postpartum period. Things we may usually rely on to de-stress, relax, or find joy may not be available to us at this time. Helping parents to create reasonable expectations and strategies for finding moments for self-care, as well as shifting the lens around what self-care might evolve into in this time, can be of use.   What does self-care look like with a newborn? While feeding? In ten minutes? In the middle of the night?

Support for Older Siblings:

Parents with older children have probably thought a lot about the emerging dynamics in their growing family. With curiosity, parents can be encouraged to explore what resources they already have in place, and create strategies for support for their older children when their new baby is born.  What inner insights will they need as a parent of more than one child that they didn’t need when they only had one?

In Closing:  

Check in with the parents about how they feel now, having laid some foundations for their postpartum path. What do they know now that they  didn’t know before doing this exercise? Do they have insight into their partner in a new way? Invite them to hang this paper up where they can see it, add to it, and be reminded of it now, and after the birth.