Dear Liisphyra

Episode 38 (S4E8): The Impvisible Mentor

Official Transcript

Written by Katie Siegel

[cheerful intro theme]

Liisphyra: Gooooood morning, Grevelon, and welcome back to Dear Liisphyra. My name’s Liisphyra Lyndambar. And if this is your first time tuning in, on this show I give advice to any folks and creatures who may need it!

In addition to giving advice, turns out I’m also incredible at heisting. Now, just to be clear, everything I’m about to say is fiction. Purely made-up. If anyone out there hears this and believes it to be true, it’s not. The following did not happen.

Okay, so my best friend Raedra was really peeved because she found out that her cousin Yelle had their grandmother’s famous chocolate butter pudding recipe. The whole family had thought the recipe was lost forever after Raedra’s grandmother passed on [clears through] excuse me, passed on all her possessions to a dragon in return for unlimited dragonback rides for the rest of her life. Gramma Eorda’s still flying around, last I heard.

Anyway, apparently Raedra’s cousin Yelle hired an adventuring party to sneak into the dragon’s lair and steal their grandma’s recipe box. And she’s been sitting on this for months! Multiple family gatherings where everyone was bemoaning the loss of Gramma Eorda’s recipes, while Yelle was making chocolate butter pudding every night!

Raedra found out when she went to Yelle’s tree to return a book she’d borrowed and caught her making their grandmother’s recipe for juyberry muffins. Yelle told her everything. But, when Raedra asked if she could copy down the recipe for chocolate butter pudding, her cousin said NO. She said that since she was the one who went through all the work hiring the adventuring party, that she should be the only one to reap the reward.

Raedra’s been boiling mad for the past week since she found out. She doesn’t want to tell the rest of the family, because apparently they, “Don’t like tattletales.” So I thought, why not make Yelle tattle on herself?

So we hatched a plan. Raedra visited her cousin again to apologize for her outburst (apparently she’d told Yelle to shove the juyberry muffins someplace that juyberry muffins should not go). Raedra knew that her cousin would probably close her windows at night, so I had the idea to get some of that magic anti-stick dust that folks use to keep doors and windows from shutting too tight and getting stuck. When Yelle wasn’t looking, Raedra sprinkled some of the dust on the nearest window.

That night, Raedra and I climbed Yelle’s tree. Well, Raedra climbed. I took a sip of a floating potion and held onto Raedra’s sleeve while she climbed. I’m not a terrible climber, but we didn’t want to risk the mission if there was a good chance I’d slip and make a loud noise. Which, knowing me, there was.

Sure enough, the window was closed, but the anti-stick dust worked. So there’s a little security tip for everyone—dust your windows before closing them at night. We snuck inside and quickly found the recipe box. Raedra tossed me a pencil to start copying down the recipe for chocolate butter pudding.

Unfortunately, since I was still floating a bit, my sense of balance was thrown off. I missed the pencil, and it fell into the sink and hit a bunch of dirty pans, making a loud sound. Raedra immediately slid under the table to hide, and I just let go off the counter and let myself float to the ceiling.

Yelle came in and looked around. Thankfully, she didn’t see the pencil in the sink—or, for that matter, Raedra under the table or me on the ceiling. After a long, agonizing several seconds, she went back into her bedroom.

Raedra had to climb a chair to pull me back down. Then, we quickly copied down the chocolate butter pudding recipe, returned the recipe box, and made our escape.

The following weekend was Raedra’s Aunt Valindra’s birthday. Well, we think it’s her birthday. She refuses to tell anyone when it is—even people who grew up with her can’t seem to remember the exact date. So the family just picked a date and uses that to celebrate.

Anyway, Raedra and I carefully followed the pudding recipe and brought it to the party. We left a little sign by the bowl with Yelle’s name on it, and started spreading the news that Yelle had somehow managed to make Gramma Eorda’s chocolate butter pudding. We weren’t worried about Yelle trying to convince everyone that she simply recreated the recipe by memory, because Gramma Eorda had a charm on all of her recipes that prevented doing just that.

So Yelle was forced to admit that she had the recipe box. She said she’d been waiting for Aunt Validra’s birthday to tell everyone, because the chocolate butter pudding is Validra’s favorite, and Yelle wanted to surprise her. We knew she’d probably take credit, and Raedra was fine with that, as long as the recipes were returned to the family. Raedra’s working on writing down all the recipes so everyone can have their own copy—including the dragon Yelle stole from, who got those recipes through a fair-and-square trade!

[sighs] Thank you for listening to my completely fictional and made up story. Any resemblance to real people or events is purely fictional. I have never in my life participated in a pudding heist. The notion that I did is ridiculous. Ruvyn, do you want some pudding? I’ve got some leftovers here. You can get ‘em later.

Alright, let’s get into our first letter. If you need some advice, you can send your letters to “Dear Liisphyra” at the Towering Forest Radio Station.

[rustling paper] This letter comes from Akosh. They write:

“Dear Liisphyra,

My name is Akosh, and I’m majoring in wizardry at the College of C’ordall. I was a little worried when I started, because the CC is more known for their arcarithmatic department and athletics program and than their wizarding department, but I’ve been really enjoying my time here and feel like I’m learning a lot.

However, a couple weeks ago we began our wizard apprenticeships. Every student gets paired up with a wizard and acts as their apprentice for three months. I knew a little about how this would work, because I have a few friends studying wizardry at Backenkatz Academy of Magic, and they started their wizard apprenticeships a month before us.

I’ve been getting nonstop stories from them about how eccentric their wizard mentors are, and how strange they behave, and how messy and chaotic their wizard towers are. One of my friends told me that their wizard, Payarna the Puzzler, is constantly talking in riddles, and it takes them half the day just to decode what she says.

Another friend said that his mentor, Galnar the Great, had him practice his ‘booming wizard voice’ for a week, and wouldn’t even let him touch a spellbook until he had the right amount of gravitas.

Two of my friends were assigned to the same mentor. Backenkatz has a huge wizardry program, so they assign three or four apprentices to the same wizard. They told me about how their wizard, Vivas the Vivacious, had them spend a whole afternoon waxing the floor of the workshop. When they finally asked why they were doing this, their mentor said, ‘Why do we do anything?’ Then he did a backflip, turned into a firefrog, and hopped away. And they didn’t see him for a week after that!

Needless to say, I was excited to see what kind of wild adventures I’d get into with my wizard mentor. So I was a little disappointed when I got assigned to Neb. That’s his whole wizard name, just ‘Neb.’ I’ve been tossing around ideas for titles to add to my name (my top contender was ‘Akosh the Awesome’), but when I pitched it to Neb on my first day, he said he wouldn’t recommend it. He thinks that titles are a waste of time, and that it ‘gives your enemy extra time to prepare while you’re busy alliteratively announcing your arrival.’

That was just the start of it. Nothing about this apprenticeship is how I thought it would be. I was ready to scrub cauldrons and potion bottles, then run around the workshop in a wild, wacky chase after some items randomly animated and began trying to escape the workshop. (That happened to my friend Ghile.) Instead, I’ve been helping Neb restock spell components while learning about their properties.

And his workshop is way too organized. I haven’t gotten lost in a maze of towering stacks of books once. He keeps all his books on bookshelves! In alphabetical order by author! One time I asked if he wanted me to sweep the floor for character building, and he just showed me how to cast an autonomy spell on a broom so it would do the sweeping itself! And the spell worked perfectly!

Also, I didn’t expect Neb to be around this much. I thought maybe he would just pop in once in a while with a cryptic message before poofing away. My friend Hartley’s only seen their mentor once, when the wizard teleported into the workshop, looked around, went, “Oops! This isn’t Poere,” and then teleported away.

But Neb is here every day. And he doesn’t say anything wacky or mysterious, or make me practice my booming wizard voice or my wand twirl. He just spends every day showing me his wizarding work, then gives me educational tasks to complete and shows me how to improve as I do them.

A couple days ago he took me on a field assignment to fix an enchanted well that was turning water into poisonous goo. We had to rappel down the well, and I was sure Neb was going to cut my rope and see how I could fend for myself.

But instead, he went in first, told me to keep a safe distance, and had me watch as he banished the poltergeist that was contaminating the water. Then, when we returned to the workshop, he quizzed me on what I had learned that day. And when I got everything right, he just patted me on the shoulder, said “well done,” and let me leave early.

I’m really not sure what to do. Sure, I’m learning a lot, but my friends keep asking for updates on my apprenticeship, and I’m embarrassed to tell them the truth. I’ve been telling them that my mentor hasn’t shown up yet, and that I’ve just been cleaning up his tower in the meantime. (Neb doesn’t have a tower, he has a workshop attached to a modest one bedroom cottage.)

My other classmates seem to be having similar experiences to mine with their mentors, but none of them seem put off by it. Should I ask for a new wizard to see if I can get a more eccentric mentor and a better, more authentic wizarding experience?

Thanks,

Akosh”

Okay. Ah…to be honest—and I usually try to be honest on this show—I don’t really see an issue here. I mean, okay, backtrack, I see your issue. But I think the solution here is not to fix your issue, but fix your issue. No, okay, I’m hearing it out loud and that makes no sense. What I mean is, I think the best way to fix your situation is to learn how to not have an issue with this.

It seems like you went into wizarding with a very specific idea of how a wizard should be. And sure, there are a ton of wizards who have very…colorful personalities. But I think the most important aspect of becoming a wizard should be learning how to cast magic. And honestly? It doesn’t sound like your friends are doing much of that in their apprenticeships. And you’re doing a lot of it in yours!

So the first thing you have to do is figure out if you actually want to be a wizard, or if you just want to be someone who speaks in riddles and poofs in and out of rooms. Because you don’t need to study wizardry for that; you can just pick up a riddle book and buy a cap of teleportation.

If you decide you still want to be a wizard, then your next step is telling your friends the truth. I’ll bet that after a while of hearing stories from you, they’ll start noticing just how little wizarding experience they’re actually getting from their apprenticeships. Maybe they’ll become envious of you. Maybe they’ll even transfer!

Side note: I come from a Wessels Trade School family, so I’m a bit biased against Backenkatz, since Wessels has a one-sided rivalry with them. Go Harpies!

Lastly, I think you need to show Neb a little appreciation for his mentorship. It seems like he’s doing a really good job making this apprenticeship worthwhile for you. Hopefully you’ll let him continue to show you that being a wizard isn’t all about having a messy office and wearing really pointy hats.

Hope that helps, thanks for writing in!

Going back to this: it might just be my bias talking, but I think Backenkatz has really gotten too big for its britches. There are so many good schools out there, and they all get overshadowed by the glitz and glamor of Backenkatz Academy of Magic. Like, just because you have “of Magic” in your name doesn’t mean you’re the best place to learn magic. That’d be like if I started calling myself “Liisphyra of the Radio Show” and everyone was like, “Wow, she must be the best radio show host because it’s in her name!” No, I’m the best radio show host because I’m really good at what I do. [chuckles] Okay, end of rant.

[rustling paper] This next letter comes from Feiquow. They write:

“Dear Liisphyra,

As long as I can remember, I’ve been able to see anyone or anything invisible to the average eye. When I was very little, my mother would regularly cast a spell that conjured an invisible servant to do small chores around the home. She always thought the term ‘invisible’ was just used for marketing reasons, and believed that the magic didn’t actually have any real form.

That is, until she noticed how I’d look across the room like my eyes were following something, only to see a book returned to a shelf or a pile of clean laundry begin to be folded. Eventually, she realized that I was able to see the invisible servant.

She stopped summoning the servant after that. She says it was because she didn’t need the extra help anymore, but I think she was a bit spooked that her child could see something that she couldn’t. At the time, she just chalked it up to a strange occurrence.

A few years later, in school, we were introduced to a game called invisiball, which involves trying to run across a field without getting hit by a giant invisible ball that’s rolling around. The strategy is to pay close attention to the grass as you move to avoid being hit, while still trying to beat the other players to the end of the field.

At first I thought they were just demonstrating the game with a visible ball before bringing out the invisible one, but then the game started, and I realized that no one else was seeing the ball that I was seeing. I ended up winning every game, and my teacher called me an invisiball prodigy.

I told my mom about it, and that’s when we realized that I could probably see anything that’s invisible. Granted, you don’t know what you can’t see if you can’t see it, but I can say for sure that I can see a lot of things other people can’t.

Just last week I went to a play that had a bunch of special effects performed by folks with invisibility spells cast on them, and while everyone was oo-ing and aahing, I was just watching a bunch of people running across the stage waving things around like they were floating on their own. Guess that’s easier than casting floating charms on each individual prop, but it definitely made my experience a little less thrilling.

So that’s my situation. Now here’s my issue: I’m a botanist, and recently moved to a new village to study the migration patterns of a pack of creeping bushes. I quickly learned from several locals that the village is known to be very haunted. They all assured me not to worry, and that the ghosts were harmless, and to not get scared if I saw any objects moving on their own or anything like that.

You might be able to tell where this is going. Last week, I was chatting with one of my neighbors as we walked to get lunch. On the way, we passed a creek, and I saw an old man in a shirt and vest and trousers sitting on the bank with a fishing pole cast into the water. My neighbor pointed and said, ‘See that fishing pole floating over there? It’s being held by one of the ghosts I was telling you about.’ The man glanced over at us, then looked back at the creek, seemingly unphased by this.

Now, I’ve seen ghosts before. Even when they’re invisible, I can still tell that they’re ghosts. This man was not a ghost. He was just invisible.

On the way back from lunch, my neighbor pointed out the same man opening and walking through a gate that led to a small cottage. ‘That house is especially haunted,’ my neighbor said. ‘No one ever moves in because of how haunted it is.’

I was tempted to tell her that this wasn’t a ghost at all, just an invisible man, but something gave me pause. For starters, I didn’t even know if she’d believe me. I’m not used to explaining my invisibility sight to people, so I wouldn’t have even known how to start. Though, now that I’m writing that, I suppose I explained it to you easy enough. It’s easier to write than talk, sometimes.

I also wondered about the man. He must know that everyone in town believes him to be a ghost, since he heard my neighbor say it earlier that day. But he doesn’t appear to have any interest in correcting anyone. I thought maybe he can’t speak, and would therefore have trouble communicating with others, until yesterday.

I’d continued to see the man around the village, quietly going about his day. At the market, he would pick up a piece of produce, leave money on the counter, and walk away. The shopkeepers seemed used to it, and would simply take the money. I saw a couple of them look at one another and shrug. It seems that they don’t understand why a ghost would need to buy groceries, but have learned not to be startled by it.

Yesterday, I was editing my notes from the day in a tea shop when I saw the man walk by. Suddenly, he stopped and yelled, ‘Watch out!’ I looked over to see a couple of kids jump back as a carriage barrelled down the street. The kids looked around to see who’d yelled, but the man wasn’t holding anything, so they didn’t know he was there.

So now I know that this man has the ability to speak, and seems to be fine with everyone believing he’s a ghost. But I’m the only one here who knows the truth. Should I tell someone? Or should I just leave it alone?

Thanks,

Feiquow”

Huh. You know, I think you should just leave it alone. Seems like the man is just living his life, and isn’t harming anyone in the process. If the villagers decide to believe that he’s a ghost, and neither party seems bothered by that, I don’t see why things can’t continue as they have been.

Of course, maybe tell someone if you see that he’s using his invisibility for nefarious means. But from what you’ve told me, seems like he’s just a chill guy who likes being invisible. So I say just leave it be.

Hope that helps, thanks for writing in!

One time, when we were kids, my brother Lenral tricked me into thinking I’d drank an invisibility potion. I could see myself just fine, but he just looked around like, “Where’s Liisphyra? I can’t find her!” So I ran outside and started doing a silly dance in front of our neighbor, because…well, I don’t know! What else are you supposed to do when you’re invisible?

Then the neighbor said, “Are you okay?” And that’s when I realized Lenral was pranking me. I was so mad. Then, a few weeks later, Lenral comes home from school with these brownies his friend made. He told me I couldn’t have any, so of course I grabbed one and ate it. And he was like, “Oh no! Those were invisibrownies! Liisphyra? Where are you?”

I thought he was messing with me again, so I just continued on with my day while he kept freaking out. It wasn’t until he got my moms involved that I realized I was actually invisible. By the time I realized, the effects had already started to fade, so I couldn’t even do a silly dance in front of my neighbor! Missed opportunity.

Okay, we’re gonna take a quick break to hear from a sponsor, and then we’ll be back to take a call! If you need some advice, you can tell your speaking plant to call “Dear Liisphyra” at the Towering Forest Radio Station. But first, a word from our sponsor.

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Liisphyra: Aaaand we’re back, with Dear Liisphyra. And we have a caller on the vine. Hello caller, you’re on the air!

Kimble: Hello Liisphyraaaaa! It’s your favorite imp, Kimble!

Liisphyra: Oh Namrys, what is it? What prank did I stumble into? Is it my chair? It’s my chair, isn’t it?

Kimble: Silly Liisphyra, there is nothing wrong with your chair. If there is, it certainly wasn’t my doing.

Liisphyra: What about Bimble?

Kimble: Bimble will be here in a moment. She’s still scrubbing frizzybee honey from her ears.

Liisphyra: Honey from her ears? Did you pull a prank on her?

Kimble: It was not me, Liisphyra. It was Porgan.

Bimble: [distant] DO NOT SPEAK HIS NAME! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT.

Kimble: [to Bimble] But Bimble, if we do not speak his name, how will Liisphyra know who we are calling about?

Bimble: [distant] What did you say, Kimble?

Kimble: I said—

Bimble: Hi Liisphyra! It’s your favorite imp, Bimble!

Kimble: [to Liisphyra] She still has honey in her ears.

Bimble: I still have honey in my ears, Liisphyra, but we need to speak with you.

Kimble: I was just telling Liisphyra about Porgan.

Liisphyra: Why do I know that name?

Bimble: Remember the last prank we pulled on you, Liisphyra? We made you think time had frozen and you were the only one who noticed!

Liisphyra: Yeah, I remember.

Kimble: Porgan was one of our hired actors for that prank.

Bimble: We hired Porgan as an actor for that prank.

Kimble: I just said that, Bimble!

Bimble: What?

Kimble: Finish cleaning out your ears while I tell Liisphyra about Porgan.

Bimble: I’m going to take this rag you handed me and clean out my ears. You tell Liisphyra about Porgan.

Kimble: Good idea, Bimble.

Liisphyra: I’m starting to remember…you didn’t really like Porgan.

Kimble: Porgan wanted to be a star. But we’d already cast Cafilde Hogsweet as the shopkeeper, and that was the biggest role. Porgan was just supposed to wander around the store while you shopped, but he kept begging us for lines. We were so worried he’d say something to you and ruin the whole prank that we changed his track so he’d be leaving the shop while you arrived.

Liisphyra: Ohh, I remember now. He tipped his hat and said, “Hope you find something good in there,” or something mysterious like that.

Kimble: Bimble and I were not happy when we found out he went off-book.

Bimble: We told him he’d never work again in this town! I’m back, Liisphyra. My ears are clean now.

Liisphyra: Why did you have honey in your ears?

Kimble: I’m getting to that, Liisphyra.

Bimble: Context, Liisphyra! Kimble is giving you context!

Liisphyra: Sorry, sorry. Continue.

Kimble: Porgan was not happy that we weren’t going to hire him again.

Bimble: We give a lot of actors work with our pranks.

Kimble: And we pay very fair residuals.

Bimble: We didn’t hear from Porgan for a while. And then…things began happening.

Kimble: Dabbleworms in our shoes.

Bimble: Candles around the house that won’t go out no matter how hard you blow.

Kimble: Sticky doorknobs.

Liisphyra: What’s a sticky doorknob?

Bimble: Seems self-explanatory.

Kimble: When you go to open the door, your hand sticks to the doorknob. You can open the door, but you are stuck to it!

Bimble: Then this morning I went to put on my hat, and frizzybee honey poured out of it, all over my head and into my ears.

Kimble: It’s a hilarious prank, when we do it.

Bimble: But we didn’t do it.

Liisphyra: And you think…Porgan did it?

Bimble: We know Porgan did it.

Kimble: Last week we met with Cafilde Hogsweet to discuss her role in an upcoming prank we’re working on.

Bimble: She’s wonderful, we love Cafilde.

Kimble: Love Cafilde, absolutely adore her.

Bimble: While we were negotiating the contract, she requested a clause that we cannot prank her anymore.

Kimble: We said, “Cafilde!”

Bimble: “Cafilde!”

Kimble: “We would never prank you!”

Bimble: “Never! We adore you, Cafilde!”

Liisphyra: Hang on. You two have tried to prank me multiple times—

Kimble and Bimble: Tried?

Liisphyra: Does that mean you don’t like me?

Bimble: Of course not!

Kimble: We love you, Liisphyra!

Bimble: It’s very simple, Liisphyra. We prank people we dislike.

Kimble: And people we are neutral about.

Bimble: And, people we love!

Kimble: Bimble and I love each other.

Bimble: And we prank each other all the time.

Kimble: “Adore” is a very specific level of feeling that we do not prank.

Bimble: That’s right. We don’t prank Cafilde, because we adore her.

Kimble: Does that make more sense now, Liisphyra?

[beat]

Liisphyra: …no.

Bimble: Well, we told Cafilde we would never prank her.

Kimble: And she said…

Bimble: “So who’s been putting dabbleworms in my shoes?”

Kimble: “And candles around the house that won’t go out no matter how hard you blow?”

Bimble: And then she removed the glove from her right hand, and revealed she’d had a doorknob stuck to it the whole time!

Liisphyra: How did you not realize sooner—

Kimble: It was a big glove.

Bimble: Small doorknob.

Liisphyra: Ah.

Bimble: Thank goodness she wasn’t wearing a hat, or she would’ve probably gotten honey in her ears, too.

Kimble: That’s when we realized that the same person who was pranking us had been pranking Cathilde.

Bimble: A lot of people have it out for us, but almost everyone adores Cathilde.

Liisphyra: Yeah yeah, I get it, Cathilde’s great.

Bimble: But who has it out for the two of us and Cathilde?

Kimble and Bimble: Porgan.

Liisphyra: Oh I see. Because she got the shopkeeper role, and you told him he’d never work again in this town.

Kimble: Exactly.

Bimble: So what do we do, Liisphyra?

Liisphyra: What do you mean?

Kimble: We need advice!

Bimble: So we told our speaking plant to call “Dear Liisphyra”—

Kimble and Bimble: —at the Towering Forest Radio Station!

Liisphyra: You need my advice?

Kimble and Bimble: Yes!

Liisphyra: For how to get Porgan to stop pranking you?

Kimble and Bimble: Yes!

Liisphyra: Well…has anyone ever managed to get you two to stop pranking them?

Kimble and Bimble: No!

Liisphyra: So…

Kimble: Oh, no, Bimble.

Bimble: What, Kimble?

Kimble: Liisphyra is saying that if no one has ever been able to stop our pranks, there’s no way we can stop Porgan’s pranks!

Bimble: Oh, no, Kimble! We’re ruined! Ruined! We’ll never work in this town again!

Liisphyra: Wait wait, okay, hang on, let me think.

Bimble: Hush, Kimble, let Liisphyra think.

Kimble: You were the one who—

Bimble: Shhhhh!

Liisphyra: You two wouldn’t consider employing Porgan again, would you?

[beat]

Kimble and Bimble: Ehhhhhh…

Liisphyra: Even if it meant stopping the pranks?

Kimble: Porgan’s a really bad actor, Liisphyra.

Bimble: You saw how he held that door open for you.

Kimble: He barely left any room for you to squeeze through!

Liisphyra: What if you didn’t employ him as an actor?

Kimble: That is what we’re doing. We told you that.

Bimble: Do you have frizzybee honey in your ears, Liisphyra?

Liisphyra: No, I mean, what if you gave Porgan a different job?

Kimble and Bimble: Huh?

Liisphyra: Well, he seems to be pretty good at executing pranks, right?

Kimble: That’s true. Your hand was stuck to the doorknob for two hours, Bimble.

Bimble: Porgan got an industrial-grade sticking charm. Those are not easy to come by.

Liisphyra: Do you think there’s a chance he can be appeased if you offer him work for his pranks?

Kimble: I would like to ask him where he got those relighting candles from.

Bimble: Kimble, you cannot be serious! Porgan is our mortal enemy!

Kimble: I thought Elgenoth was our mortal enemy, Bimble.

Bimble: No, Elgenoth is our immortal enemy. Remember they have that—

Kimble: That curse, right, I remember now, Bimble.

Bimble: How can we work with our mortal enemy?

Liisphyra: Well, you certainly can’t keep working while Porgan is pulling pranks on you. What if one of his pranks disrupts one of your pranks?

Kimble and Bimble: [gasps]

Kimble: She’s right, Bimble. The risk is too great. We need to come to an agreement with Porgan.

Bimble: Alright, Kimble. I did hear him telling people he’d be interested in taking some non-acting roles on a prank set. I’m willing to offer him a junior producer credit to start, and see how he performs.

Kimble: I think he’d agree to that.

Liisphyra: Besides, it’s always more rewarding doing pranks with others, right?

Kimble: So true, Liisphyra!

Bimble: And that’s why we come to Liisphyra for advice.

Kimble: She always knows the right thing to say!

Liisphyra: Aw, thanks, you two. Maybe in return you could…not prank me anymore?

Kimble: Oh, no Liisphyra, we couldn’t!

Bimble: We love you too much!

Liisphyra: Well…I appreciate that, I guess.

Kimble: I’ll start writing up Porgan’s contract. Bimble, you contact his agent.

Bimble: I’m on it. Thank you for the advice, Liisphyra!

Kimble: Yes, thank you!

Liisphyra: Happy to help. Let me know how your next prank goes!

Bimble: Oh…you’ll hear about it for sure, Liisphyra.

Kimble: Yes! You’ll definitely hear about it.

Kimble and Bimble: Teehee, teehee, teehee…

Liisphyra: What does that mean? Is the prank on me? Are you going to prank me?

Kimble and Bimble: Bye Liisphyraaaaaa!

Liisphyra: Wait, what’s the prank? Tell me what the prank is! Is it my chair? Are you going to prank me with my chair? Oh, they’re gone. [sighs] Well, I guess I’ll find out eventually.

That’s gonna be it for today’s show. Thank you for listening to Dear Liisphyra. Next up we have…[rustling papers] “A lecture from Professor Frezene Aklimat on hydra migration patterns.” Heh. They should call it, “Hydration patterns.” [chuckles] Or not, maybe they shouldn’t, nevermind.

I’ll talk to you all again real soon. In the meantime, keep your chin up, and thank a mentor in your life, be they wizarding or otherwise. Bye!

[chill guitar outro theme]

Nicole: Thank you for listening to Dear Liisphyra, which was created, edited, and written by Katie Siegel. Liisphyra, the sponsor, Kimble, and Bimble were voiced by Katie Siegel. And I’m Nicole. Hi!

If you enjoy the show and want to help it grow, please take a minute and leave a kind review on the Apple Podcasts app. If you do, Katie will help you heist a family heirloom.

For more Dear Liisphyra, check out @DearLiisphyra on TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter. You can also join The Chattering Grove discord. The link to that is in the description. Or don’t, live your life. Bye!