On the mat in the education centre,the magnificent Eagles were discussing the nutrient cycle(also photosynthesis.) On the mat it showed a blanket with the nutrient cycle(the cycle was as difficult as a puzzle at first.) On the mat the nutrient cycle continued and continued.Dennis said that a juicy and red tomato contains photosynthesis(when I heard it i tried to say it.) Dennis said that a leaf has nutrients(he said that a leaf needs carbon dioxide,water and the sun.) So at the end of the day I learnt to new words...photosynthesis and nutrients.
My comment:i like my sentences but I need to work on my vocab.
My buddy’s comment: Good sentences and putncshuion.This rminds me of when i writed my story but i did ‘ent make sence.-Richard
My goal: edit
One day there was this boy who loved to do fighting(well actually boxing). One rainy, disgusting day he was going for a run in a bright colourful orange t-shirt. While he was running he started to feel sick and drowsy and tired and then….. SPLASH! He fell clumsily down in a filthy and yucky puddle. When he went home he went for a bubbly, soapy and warm bath. After the bath he went to sleep… in his head he was dreaming of what would I feel when I am dancing and singing but mostly dancing. TO BE CONTINUED.
My comment:idea-5, structure-4,organisation-4, vocab-3, sentence-5, -5 and spelling-6.
My buddy’s comment:i like the way you made the main words bold and describing the main idea on the sentence.-sina