What if World - 213 - What if a dog got a Nintendo Switch

Podcast: What If World

Episode: 213: What if a dog got a Nintendo Switch? (w/ Emmy & Everett)

File Length: 00:14:14

Transcription by Keffy

[Rising harp scales followed by the What If World theme song.]

Lyrics: What if kittens played the glockenspiel? And what if unicorns were real? What if you could fly or travel back in time, we welcome you to What If World. What If World. This is What If World.

[Gentle bell music.]

Mr. Eric: Hey there, folks, and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories. I’m Mr. Eric, your host, and today I’ve got a special surprise, an old-school kind of story told live on the spot with kids. I did a guest spot on the show Seven Questions with Emmy and we’ve taken that story and made it into a what if story for all of you. So we’re gonna hop right into the fun and meet Emmy and Everett right now!

Emmy: I’m so excited.

E & E’s Dad: Hello.

Emmy & Everett: Hi!

Mr. Eric: Hey, Emmy, hey Everett, nice to meet you.

Everett: Hi!

Emmy: We’re so excited.

Mr. Eric: I am so excited, too, and apparently so is my dog, Ginger, because you might hear her barking in the background. I think someone’s delivering the mail.

Emmy: We just listened to your podcast last night.

Mr. Eric: You did?

Emmy: He knows… our baby knows the whole theme song. He sings it. He can–

Mr. Eric: No, way!

Emmy: Yes.

Kids: [Singing] What if world! This is what if world!

Mr. Eric: That’s amazing.

Emmy: I’m so happy to be talking to you.

E & E’s Dad: Eric, I’m going to say hi. Dad, here. I’m gonna let these guys take it, though. Good seeing you in person.

Emmy: We make him put What If World on every night. If he doesn’t put it on we won’t fall asleep.

Mr. Eric: That is so awesome to hear. Thank you. I am so ready to be here and I’ll let you run the show.

Everett: We want to give some What If World question. Here’s mine: what if Fred the Dog got a Nintendo Switch?

Mr. Eric: What if Fred the Dog got a Nintendo Switch? Okay, I’m processing that question right now. But Emmy, it sounded like you might have also had a question?

Emmy: I do, and here’s mine! What if Fair Elise fell in love with you, Mr. Eric?

Mr. Eric: What if Fair Elise fell in love with me? Mr. Eric? Oh, my gosh. Okay, okay. Hang on, my dog is barking again, I’m so sorry about that.

Emmy: It’s fine!

Mr. Eric: She is such a… [crosstalk] dog.

Everett: [Crosstalk] Dog.

Mr. Eric: You have a dog, too?

Everett: No, our dad won’t let us get one.

Mr. Eric: Oh, well, that is fair because it’s hard having a dog. It’s a lot of work.

Emmy: Dad just wants us to wait until we’re old enough to scoop the poop.

Mr. Eric: You know, I didn’t want to say it so I am so happy that you are straight shooter because that’s the main thing. I’m just like, if the kids want more dogs later on, they’re gonna need to be able to pick up that business.

Okay, okay. Let’s see. We have… would you two be up to telling a little What If World story together right now?

Emmy: I would love to do that!

Everett: I don’t know… I don’t really have a good…

Emmy: He has your what if question.

Everett: Oh, yeah, I do have…

Mr. Eric: Yeah! Everett, right now I have all that I need from you. And if you remember, this is how this whole thing started, with me just telling stories with kids live. So what we’ll do, I’ll tell the story and sometimes I’m gonna need your help, and if you feel like talking then you’re more than welcome to, and if you’d rather listen then that’s okay, too! This is for us to just share in together in whatever way is best for us, okay?

Emmy: I know you put two stories in one sometimes so that could work because me and his could both go in the same story.

Mr. Eric: You are so bright and very attentive, clearly. So, thank you, yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking of doing. So we have what if Fred the Dog got a Nintendo Switch? And, what if Fair Elise fell in love with me, Mr. Eric? Your story starts after a quick break.

[Rising harp scale.]

Mr. Eric: Fred the Dog was very excited because his friend Everett had a present for him.

Fred the Dog: Oh, Everett, it’s so nice to see you! Thanks for coming to visit me all the way in What If World, I know it’s really a long trek. Did you get me something?

Everett: Yes.

Fred the Dog: Oh, it looks like some little kind of thing like a box with buttons on it. Do I chew on it and eat it, is that what I do?

Everett: No.

Fred the Dog: Oh, what is it called?

Everett: A Nintendo Switch.

Fred the Dog: [Gasps] A Nintendo Switch! Wow! I have no idea what that is.

Mr. Eric: Fred nevertheless took out this Nintendo Switch and started pushing buttons wildly.

Fred the Dog: Emmy, am I doing it right? Am I pushing the buttons with my tongue right? Bleh, blah blah!

Emmy: Uh, no. You play a Nintendo Switch where you buy, like, these game cards and you can put them in then you can click on the game with the buttons so you could use your tongue for the buttons or your paws and you click them and then play the games with the little joycons.

Fred the Dog: Oh, I see. You know, that’s really strange because in What If World, suddenly this big button appeared in the middle of the Nintendo Switch and it says, “Suck Everett and Emmy inside of the Nintendo Switch.” It’s a really big button, I don’t know it says all that, but I’m just gonna press it real quick. We’ll see what happens, I wonder–

Mr. Eric: And as he pressed the button Emmy and Everett suddenly got sucked into What If World and into the video and some of What If World got sucked into this video game as well, just leaving Fred floating around playing the game in a big blank void.

Fred the Dog: Oh, uh oh, are you two okay in there?

Emmy: Yeah! Just why did you trap us in this?

Fred the Dog: I don’t know. I just pushed a button! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I’m more into, like, the puzzle games and the games where we explore our emotions, and [Switch chimes]. Huh, what’s this heart button? This Switch just keeps growing new buttons.

Mr. Eric: Do you think he should push the button?

Emmy: No, after what just happened, do not push the button, Fred!

Fred the Dog: Okay, I will not push the button. I promise. I’m just gonna turn around and sit on this Nintendo Switch so no one can push the button and nothing else happens.

Mr. Eric: But when he sat on the Nintendo Switch, of course, his bottom pushed the button! [Switch chimes]

Emmy: [Exasperated gasp]

Fair Elise: Hello, Mr. Eric.

Mr. Eric: Uh, oh, hi, Fair Elise. I didn’t realize I’d been sucked into this video game, too. Oh, boy, this is weird.

Fair Elise: Hi, Mr. Eric. I would like a hug.

Mr. Eric: Oh, that’s wonderful, Fair Elise. I love a hug and I consent to having a hug with you, that sounds great. Oh, what a nice hug, you’re a little fairy, but you give really strong… ugh… really strong hugs.

Fair Elise: Yes. I want to hug forever and ever and ever. I love you, Mr. Eric.

Mr. Eric: Uh, Emmy? Everett? Why is Fair Elise hugging me so tight? Why won’t she let me go?

Emmy: I asked a what if question and she’s in love with you.

Mr. Eric: Oh, what? Fair Elise! You are married. You have a child.

Fair Elise: I know, but I just cannot help it. Oh, What If World magic is sometimes so silly. I love you soooo much.

Fred the Dog: Hey, Fair Elise, you know Sprite Alright, she’s gonna be very upset with you. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Fair Elise: What? Am I supposed to love someone else?

Fred the Dog: I mean, you can love many, many people, but your partner, that’s like, your partner, you know. It’s different.

Fair Elise: Oooh.

Fred the Dog: Oh, fine. You know, I’m just gonna press this heart button again and maybe that will fix things. You think that’ll fix things, Emmy?

Everett: No.

Emmy: Maybe? I don’t know.

Everett: No. No. No way. No way.

Fred the Dog: Boink!

Mr. Eric: And he reached out with his tongue and pressed it again!

Fair Elise: Oooh, I feel so full of love for Emmy! Give me a big hug, Emmy!

Emmy: Uh!

Mr. Eric: And Fair Elise gave Emmy the biggest, squeeziest hug. You wouldn’t think a fairy with such tiny arms could squeeze so tight.

Fair Elise: Oh, it seems Emmy’s having a little trouble breathing.

Fred the Dog: Oh, no no no nononono, okay! It’s fine to love Emmy, she’s a wonderful person but you know, it’s like… I don’t know how to explain this. Let me just push the button again. Beep beep beep beep beep beep.

Mr. Eric: And Fred pushed the button over and over and over again.

Fair Elise: Oh, Everett, I love you so much!

Mr. Eric: And she squeezed Everett.

Fair Elise: Oh, Fred! I love you, too!

Fred the Dog: Wait, no, no, don’t come out here after me. You’re in the video game, I’m out of the video game. I do not want a big hug right now.

Mr. Eric: And she flew out and started chasing him around for a hug.

Fred the Dog: I said no hugs, please!

Fair Elise: Oh, I guess I cannot hug without permission. That’s awfully inconvenient, but I love you, Fred. Please? And Emmy and Everett and Fair Elise and Sprite Alright and Mr. Eric and Cthunkle and Abacus P. Grumbler. I love them all, so much!

Fred the Dog: This is like an exhausting amount of love. Everett, Emmy, what should we do?

Emmy: Well, maybe we could just put her to sleep or brainwash her and then she’d forget all about this.

Fred the Dog: Oh, if brainwashing got us into this mess then brainwashing can get us out of it. That’s good advice, everybody–

Mr. Eric: Uh, no. Folks at home, please do not brainwash anybody.

Fred the Dog: No, no no. It’s gonna work. I promise. Okay, Fair Elise, we just need you to take your brain out of your ears and then put it in the sink and then with the soapy bubbles, you’re gonna massage it.

Fair Elise: Okay, I love you so much, I’ll just take out my brain–

Emmy: No, no no! No! That’s not how you do it. Maybe you just need to go take her to a therapist and then she’ll talk it all out and then the therapist can convince her to go back to Sprite Alright and her kids.

Mr. Eric: Wow!

Fred the Dog: Oh my goodness, that’s like the most grown-up advice anyone’s ever given on this show. And you know, most of our guests are grown-ups. This Emmy is very, very mature.

Mr. Eric: So Fair Elise went and met with a therapist.

Harrigo: [Clears throat] Harrigo is here. I’m a therapist and you are going to love your partner and your daughter and not everyone else except for a healthy amount. Okay, go off and do that.

Fair Elise: Wow, that was much faster than normal therapy, but I think we need to end this story pretty soon so I’m going to give my partner, Sprite Alright, a big hug and my daughter, Pixicato, a big hug, and you know what? Maybe I’ll just give everyone else one more hug…

Emmy: No!

Mr. Eric: The end.

[Clapping]

Emmy: Thank you, Mr. Eric.

Mr. Eric: Thank you! I had so much fun. You two are such amazing storytellers. You have wonderful imaginations.

Everett: Thanks.

Emmy: Thank you. I’m glad Cthunkle didn’t ruin anything.

Mr. Eric: We didn’t involve him. He almost made an appearance. I felt like he was out there but he didn’t quite jump in, so that was perfect.

Emmy: But, Mr. Eric, don’t tell Cthunkle I said this, but his show, I think yours is a lot better than his. His theme song’s not as great as yours.

Cthunkle: Excuse me, Emmy. You said that you do not like What Is World.

Emmy: Um.

Everett: Yes, we did say that.

Emmy: I do? Just…

Cthunkle: Oh, just not as much as Mr. Eric’s show.

Emmy: Yeah, don’t eat him again just because I like his a little more as yours.

Cthunkle: Okay, so if I promise not to eat Mr. Eric again then you will like my show more, presumably.

Emmy: The same amount. I’ll like both of them the same amount.

Cthunkle: Emmy, I must say, you are incredibly diplomatic. If I ever try to take over the world again, I think I am going to need your help.

Emmy: No.

Mr. Eric: Cthunkle, get out of here! This is my show.

Emmy: If you ever decide to take over the world again I would karate chop you into two pieces.

Cthunkle: Then there would be two of me! [Evil laugh]

Emmy: And then I would eat you like how I eat some octopus.

Mr. Eric: Oh, well, Cthunkle seems to have scuttled away after that, so.

Emmy: Mr. Eric, I love your podcast so much.

Mr. Eric: You’ve made my day, my week. This is a really, really special day for me. And you two, you have a show, right?

Emmy: Well, it’s my show but he’s about to start his own show.

Mr. Eric: Wow! So, well, tell us about your show.

Emmy: So my show’s called Seven Questions with Emmy. This wasn’t my idea to start it. We were on a river rafting ride in Island Park and someone in the comments said I should interview my dad. And then I interviewed my dad and my mom and my brother and then my dad was working on a story with Keith Morrison from Dateline and he reached out to him and he said yes. And then I got Lester Holt and it just blew up. So I got to visit Drew Barrymore this Fall to be on her show a couple of times.

Mr. Eric: Wow. You are so driven and it is so cool. Thank you so much for coming on my show. Thanks for having me on your show, Seven Questions with Emmy. You two are clearly such awesome kids and I hope you both keep wondering.

Emmy: We will.e

Everett: Thanks.

Mr. Eric: All right, I’ll see you later. Catch you next time.

I’d like to thank Karen O’Keeffe, my co-creator, Craig Martinson for our theme song, my helper, Miss Lynn, our special guests Emmy and Everett, and all you kids at home who know it’s okay to say “No thank you” to a hug.

Until we meet again, keep wondering.

[What If World theme song plays.]