NOW PROCESS: A tool for processing stress through refining feeling, thinking, through writing and sharing. (20-30 mins)
NOTICE: (Name it to claim it. Be honest - these internal parts hold gifts. They are like your children, and they just need your truthful awareness, Discover and admit your primary thoughts, advice and emotions)
N: Name the trigger: What actually happened? The real situation. Write clear observations & facts (that a CCTV camera would record).
Eg. I’ve been told I need to work more hours in my daytime job
O: Observe: your bodily movements - the “SEA”(Sensations eg. tension, Emotions eg. anger, Actions eg. I jumped!) Note the details.
Eg. Heart beat increase, Frown, Mouth tighter, Heavy breathing
T: Thoughts: Write the thoughts that are fuelling your feelings. What’s problematic here?! (Vent & indulge judgements!)
I: Instructions: What’s needed or should / shouldn’t have happened? Who needs to change? Eg. they should be nice, I need to go
C: Consequences: What are you concerned about happening? Is there something you don’t want to face?
Eg. My partner will leave and my business will fail...
E: Emotional reactions: What emotions do you feel and how do you physically react when you believe these thoughts?
Eg. I get panicky and confused. I get the impulse to...
OPEN: (Open your mind to more possibilities, play with different truths to discover the unmet needs)
O: Opposites: For each Thought & Instruction find the opposite. Consider how there may be some truth in each one.
For 1-3 make it an opposite statement (eg. I don’t like his behaviour = I do like his behaviour.)
For the 4-5 change ‘needs’ into ‘doesn’t need’ and ‘should’ into ‘shouldn't’ (eg. They should listen =They shouldn’t listen…. This might be true sometimes, because they may need to be heard, or they may need time. I also see that sometimes I’m wrong.)
Add to these Opposite PRONOUNS: try these, just alter the original statements in terms of who they are aimed at and see if there is any truth present.
- Could any of the original statements 1-5 apply to you? Change the word ‘they’ to I. Eg. They don't listen to me = I don't listen to me.
- Any other opposites? You could change the word I to they. Eg. I don't like me = I don't like them.
- Consider how there may be some truth in each one (even non-literal truth, or insight). Come to a balanced understanding.
Power of the pair: Consider the power of what we can/could do. (Eg:They/I never listen = We can both choose to listen, I can choose to listen to my needs first)
E: Empowering & empathic statement: combine
Empathy towards how you felt / what happened (past) “It's ok that…
.Empowering statement focused on your choice (now) “I can / I don't have to / I am…”
Eg. Its ok that I felt scared and angry. It's ok that I made a mistake. It's ok that they shouted at me.
I don't have to run away I can have the power to choose what to do. I’ll handle whatever happens…
I am a complex and loving person.
N: Needs: What are the underlying need or attachment qbehind the emotion? Any deeper/ universal need? Does the other person have needs? Further question: What are you believing you need, that you cannot give yourself in this moment? Eg. security, support...
I am needing security, support...
WONDER: (Choose your attitude and see what opportunity could this present and how we could embody this learning)
W: Whimsical, Witty or Wonderful: Look around you - Look differently -find the humour, the folly and the beauty. Could this be a funny story in your adventure? What is wonderful here right now, about your life? How are you fortunate and privileged? What are you loving right now?
Eg. It is somewhat slapstick how many times I’ve made this error!
O: Opportunities: What opportunities to learn or appreciate is this situation providing you with? How could this be happening for you?
Eg. Making this error helps me to learn how to pay more attention by...
N: Non-attachment: You cannot control everything! Things don’t always go to plan. Why is it okay if things go tits-up in this situation? What will you do?
Eg. If I get the sack then I won’t have to worry and I can find a new job...
D: Dreams & Desires: Now you are back in the thinking mind what is your highest desire in this life and this situation? What do you really want? What is the dream of your life you would like to create? Can you sit and imagine doing and having your ambitious dreams and desires? DREAM LIKE YOU WERE YOUNG.
Eg. I really want...
E: Express & Envision: Go back over the Named trigger and Empowering statement. Write down a new response. Imagine how it might be received (picture it in your mind). Feel it
Eg.i would respond by nodding and saying thank you.
R: Revise & Rehearse: Means to LOOK(vise)-AGAIN(re). At the end of this process ask yourself and write down:
Play from the heart!
NEIL MORBEY (2017) POSITIVELY MINDFUL