Intro

I struggle a lot, we all do. It’s a part of life and now I’m learning to be ok with that and to talk about it so here I am. Talking about the things I struggle with. Also, I got this mic and I wanted to see if it’d be cool to record videos because for 160 bucks I’m expecting this thing to jack me of-

Youtube

I do struggle a lot with YouTube. Not in the way that people think. It’s just hard for me to make videos because I am a perfectionist. I am so particular about YouTube and to make content it has to be damn near my best ability when it comes to the script, the format, the editing, and everything to do with it. Like this script alone went through multiple rewrites just for it to be what you see today. And that’s because I care a lot about my content, it is my passion after all. With that said I struggle to find stuff to make videos on. Which for my label as a ‘drama commentator’, there’s not a day that goes by without something happening. But I refrain from doing this drama of the week because that’s just weird. Having content that is nothing more but let’s point and laugh because drama is funny, is not my cup of tea. I’ve had people critic that I script my videos like it's a cardinal sin and say I just read off tweets. Then looking at their content they’re just reading off a tweet and doing the exact same thing they criticized me for so. To hear that from someone is like, I’m going to pretend I never heard that because that’s weird but anyways. I like to label myself as a “conversational channel”. So I pick a topic, I present my research on it, I explain what the whole deal is, why it’s important, and what to take out of it. I hope my content reflects that because I’ve never been the type to discuss drama in a way that is meant to poke fun at that person more so to document a situation and have a discussion about it. And that’s really what it should be. And not to sound egotistical but I just do things differently that some people don’t like me cause I treat this in this particular manner. To the point where people have nothing to say but insults to hurl at me or completely overlook topics I talk about and misrepresent them. I’ve unfortunately had creators say my thumbnails suck, I’m weak-boned, and I talk like a politician, Like if they are any better for saying such negative things as a response to my critics. And my criticisms for things are legitimately things I feel compelled to speak my mind on and it gets people upset that I can say what I’m thinking. Otherwise, if it’s something I don’t feel strongly enough to comment on, I won’t comment on it at all. And that got me thinking about what is my version of success? Cause it’s not numbers, and if numbers were something I was thinking about I would’ve got numbers by now, I am confident in my ability to where If I believed that was my goal I would’ve had it by now.

But my success comes in that I have this niche I do, and I’m pretty good at it. And it doesn’t matter how many watch me. As long as I can pull 100 views, and one comment, I’m genuinely happy. Cause that still is surreal to me. And I like to picture myself as this channel that is this hidden gem, once you find me and get to understand me and understand my content and see my personality shine and my passion bleed into my projects, it’s hard to hate me. And I’ve seen that. And it’s actually insane that I went from this kid who just watches content creators and is inspired to be one. Like two of my biggest inspirations for even being in this kind of content are simple nicks and lagovirt. And getting a chance to meet them, talk to them, be friends with them, and just interact with them. I’m star-struck every time, and I get very anxious talking to these creators who have put this passion in my heart because I don't want to come off as this parasocial monster. But here we are.

And I’m grateful I have people who took me under their wing to better my content, I know simple Nicks gave me advice, Hund the Hound gives me the best advice on how to improve myself, and just so many more people it’s hard to list them. I worked hard to not be viewed as some little child as I do feel that’s what I get perceived at by other creators who knew me when I was a minor but as someone who belonged. Although I get imposter syndrome a lot. Knowing my voice means something to creators far bigger than me, I just am left speechless. I belong and I cemented myself in this space. But that leaves me with my problem of.

Perfection

I, unfortunately, have started to determine my self-worth to the quality I put out. Which is why my videos take a long time to create. Because if it’s not my 101%, I abandon it and go back to the drawing board. Because I care so much about how I present myself, and my content, and if I believe my content is poor, that means I’m poor. And I don’t mean financially because that FASFA money is something else. But I hate myself whenever I can’t create a product I’m happy with. A great example is my character stills. Thank you to simple nicks for making them but I’ve wanted to do my own now just because I’m at this chapter in my life where I am, I do content for myself, and I realized that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to other people in this space, because even if it seems similar. My content is one of a kind. So in collaboration with Jdawg on blue sky, link in description for his profile. We did new stills for Novely! Yippie. First difference is of course finally fixing my eye scar placement because I didn't know my left or right until I got my Vr model but besides the point! These should be the new stills I’ll be using until I decide to have an episode and redo them. And because the character stills were holding me back from making content best believe content is full steam ahead. I have surprisingly a lot of video collabs for this channel that’ll give you interesting insight to a lot of things so I look forward to it. And if I didn’t plan everything correctly, this video will be posted after my birthday on the 24th of February, so that this moment to wish me a happy birthday in the comments because I’m cool like that. But yes I’ve been determining my worth to the quality I put out and that’s the main reason why I take a lot of time to do what I do and I’ve learned that’s something I shouldn’t apologize for or be ashamed of. I will say though I’m getting better at being imperfect. As long as my content is honest and authentic. It doesn’t need to be in the best-polished shape that it can be. I can make a few subtle mistakes and it’d be ok. Hopefully, that doesn’t get misrepresented as moving forward. I will be lazy because I still care very much about the quality of what I upload. I always rewatch my videos and take notes about how to improve and I hope that shows. But something I scratch my head on a lot is the fact that I have a

Platform

And I need to maintain that while as well as don’t let it consume me. Because of my videos, my voice unfortunately holds weight to some people. People watch me to stay informed as I’m their source of information on subjects and people. And I hope my content is not only what people enjoy but that fosters good behavior. I don’t want my community to fight my own battles, I don’t want my audience to just target or attack people, I certainly wouldn’t want to exploit my audience for profit and I’ve made sure to watch what I say. Because people either don’t recognize their voice has weight and are irresponsible with it or in the worst cases weaponize it. And for those that watch me thank you, I do care about you all. It sucks I don’t have a lot of time to reply to you all but I hope I can keep you guys safe and give you a space to enjoy. With that said, that’s scary to me. Because no matter what there’s always a lot to learn on how to foster your audience. Because I have to recognize that Youngfurs watch me and adults watch me and I don’t know what to expect at all times. And I feel there’s some level of expectations I have to meet, though no one’s pushed any expectations on me yet. I fear I’m going to get to the point where people only want me to just do one thing forever, to be stuck in time and remain the same creator they watch 24/7. When I’m a human with an unhealthy attraction to Tom Nook. I am not the best role model and I’m nervous even thinking about being a role model to someone because I hope I’m doing a good job at that. Although I wish I never had a spotlight. I’m grateful I got that chance to grow and be someone that creators I never would’ve thought of come to me for advice and help. To edit for them, to guide them, and I am speechless. I get constantly reminded I am a creator that earned it. And I hope that’s not egotistical because I did work hard to improve my content every time I do it and I think it shows. And I hope in the way that other creators lifted me I want to lift others. And that’s why I treat every creator with equal respect, at least those I believe are worth that respect because they respect me too. Shrapnel Vargr, their video shouting me out when I was a 90 sub channel making trash replays in my head a lot. Because I started watching him a couple of days before that video dropped and he reached out to me and it was surreal, it still is. And with other creators giving me a chair at the big boy's table I wouldn’t be here. And that is wild to me. And I guess that leaves me with the title of today’s video. My.

Mental struggles

I am a person who keeps my personal life private for various reasons. Aside because I know people can dox me as it’s been attempted before. I just have no reason to share my private life. But here we go. I rock in my life outside of YouTube. Like taking YouTube away from me I am still thriving in things that I love to do. As you can see I can’t shut up and because of that, I’ve been invited to speak on behalf of organizations in meetings with boards of supervisors on community issues. This led me to be quoted in an article in a popular newsletter. I do a lot of non-profit work and college I excel at. Not to brag but a GPA of 4.0 on the dean's list is amazing, my professors love me. To the point where they’re on my close friends and where I accidentally admitted to cheating in their class and them seeing that story which was something for sure. But Also the major I’m in is television film and media studies because I like making videos and stuff. Minoring in Social media marketing because why not might as well. I love my major because it lead me to make this documentary I co-directed (I could’ve been the director but I didn’t want to have my head up my own ass so I gave it to someone else and went for co-director as I also had to do editing). But I edited that documentary for my school project so well that it got posted on that organization's social media and landed me a job as a social media manager. And starting up a media group for being in my first year of college. Holy shit. Life is kinda crazy right now. And for those in college, can you guys give me some tips? I'm in the second semester of my first year and I kinda wanna blow my brains out with the amount of work so if y’all got tips on how to manage life as a college student let me know. As I am drowning in work and schoolwork.

But the reason I kinda poured out what’s going good in my life is because even with all of that stuff going on in my life that is actually really cool. I still feel a bit unfulfilled. I guess it’s like I’m still not happy. And I still go through a lot. But I don’t want to burden people with my problems or know I’m struggling because I just don’t want people to worry. But I’m here now talking about the fact that I tend to mask my emotions by drowning myself in humor because I’m funny and talking about how I feel. It’s ok to not be ok. And talk about it. And I’m getting better at it. With that said I do have this thing where I want to have a moral of the story. So, In

Conclusion

The moral of the story is that it’s okay to struggle and it’s okay to not be perfect. Perfectionism can hinder growth and self-worth, but embracing authenticity and imperfection is key. Success is not defined by numbers or external validation but by passion, consistency of that passion, and personal growth. It’s important to acknowledge mental health struggles, find balance, and remember that you don’t have to carry the weight alone. And for me that journey to self-acceptance is ongoing, but it’s worth it. Hopefully, I can get more personal on my channel but I’ll have to wait and see. Content should still go on as usual and even hitting collabs for my videos is something I am excited about and I hope to secure more. But without further awoo, Keep life lovely and this is Novely, logging off.