CINDERELLA (A pantomime in rhyme)
Scene 1 (On stage Cinders and Buttons)
Welcome one and welcome all
It’s Panto time, we’ll have a ball,
Your teachers have prepared for you
A Festive treat for you to view
Oh dear, oh dear, what shall I do
I’m sure I don’t like mixing stew
When both my sisters, Clare and May
Are going to the ball today!
If I had the time or the means
I’d buy their tea from café beans.
Do not fret, my Cinders dear
Magic happens this time of year.
(Oh Cinders every year I’ve wished
For your lips and my lips to have kissed)
(Enter Ugly Sisters)
Oh there you are, you wretched lass
Where’s our tea get off your …
Pass …. the stool I must sit down
You need to mend my costly gown
this new dress nips it’s still too tight
Get sewing now – it’s for tonight!
(Enter Baron and Baroness)
Are we looking forward to the Princes Ball
I’m sure the Prince is bound to fall
For Clare or May – who knows which one?
With either he’ll feel that he has won
A treasure far beyond his dreams.
He will be chuffed – or so it seems!
Are you ready yet, my dears?
Cinders – surely they’re not tears?
Oh Daddy dear why can’t I go?
All I do is wash and sew.
I fix and mend and do all the errands
At least let me play COD with Josh Ferrens
I never get the chance to jive
And twerk to show I’m still alive!
I’m sorry, Cinders, it seems unfair
You stuck here, Your sisters there
But they’ll land the Prince and all his lolly
And we’ll live in luxury, by golly!
The prince with them, as if he’d wanna
He’d sooner go out with Cullum Mcdonagh
Now Buttons – don’t you answer back
Or you’ll be out! You’ll get the sack!
No doubt at all, you awful boy.
To sack you would give us great joy!
You can’t sack Buttons – well, not today;
You see, I owe him six months pay!
If we can’t sack him then, by heck,
He’ll get my foot right in his neck!
Come, come, my darlings, calm you down;
The Prince won’t like it if you frown.
(Sound of car horn)
We’ll have to go – the taxi’s here.
Don’t cry, Cinders; dry that tear.
I’m sorry Dad it’s just a friend of mine
Will be there to wine and dine,
With princes and kings you will see later
Will be my old chum PM James Slater
We’re off then, Cinders, toodle-oo!
Get lost then! Go back to the zoo!
Scene 2 On stage, Cinders and Buttons
Now they’ve gone, let’s have a party!
Who will come? Not Mr MacLarty!
Who wants him? No, just we two.
We’ll dance and make a hulla-balloo!
We’ll have a ball! Now shall we dance?
Let’s have a Disco! Now’s our chance,
To practise those Travolta steps.
We’ll bubble up – get the Schweppes!
(Knock at the door)
Who’s that ringing at the bell?
I’ll go and see. (Trips) I nearly fell!
Whoever’s this? (As figure enters) My, you are teeny!
Don’t be cheeky! I’m the Sweeney!
(She is disguised as a policeman)
The police! What person do you seek?
There’s been no crime here, many a week!
It’s you I’m seeking, little miss!
Come, give your Godmother a kiss!
Kiss you mate? Will you stop your larking?
Go and chase those drivers parking
Where they shouldn’t. Don’t come here!
We don’t want you! By gum! No fear!
I’d better now reveal the truth.
(Throws off Disguise)
I’m not a copper. That’s a spoof.
Your Fairy Godmother I am.
I’ve come to help you.
(To Buttons) You can scram!
I’m not going: that’s a trick.
You can’t get rid of me that quick.
I’ll see to you, my little Cinders.
(To Buttons) You can go and clean the winders.
(To Cinders) What is it child that makes you worry?
Quickly, lass, I’m in a hurry!
After sorting out your mess
I’m playing Mrs Hill at chess.
Prince Charming’s looking for a missus;
At the ball he’ll give his kisses
To the girl who takes his fancy.
I can’t go – (indicates clothes) – I’d feel a “Nancy”
Both my sisters hope to score
Though I think they’ll be shown the door.
If only I could go and dance,
I’m sure I would the Prince entrance!
Cinders, to the ball you’ll go.
I’ll weave a spell with my wand – so:
In a tick you’ll have a dress
(That’s if I don’t make a mess
of it) Here goes my chant:
Higgledy-piggledy – (Wand breaks) – oh my Aunt!
My wand has bent. Never mind –
Some magic fairy dust I will find.
‘Magic dust – let’s have a gown.
A coach we’ll need to take you down –
Where are they holding this ‘ere ball?
What’s that you say? Victoria Hall?
Off you go now, Cinders, love.
I’ll see you off. (You’ll need a shove)
Oh thank you, Fairy. I’m so grateful.
Yes, heaps of thanks – in fact, a plateful.
(They start to move : F.G. stops them)
Wait! I am a silly witch!
These spells always have a hitch.
The magic lasts till midnight strikes:
Then you’d best be on your bikes!
At twelve it all returns to normal
So do be home while you’re still formal.
Worry not, my pleasure-giver;
Do not get yourself a-quiver.
I’ll leave in time - don’t you despair;
I’ll have the curlers in my hair
And be in bed all safe and sound
Before my dream adventure’s found.
Scene 3 (After the ball, next morning. Buttons and Cinders)
What a time I had last night –
Though when that clock struck, I’d a fright.
I clean forgot the fairy’s warning
And might have stayed until the morning!
Luckily I got out in time
But lost my shoe ‘ere I could climb
Onto the tandem Buttons had.
On leaving, though, I felt so sad.
You made a hit with Princey Boy!
He fell for you - and showed his joy.
But when you left (during the Rhumba)
He wished he’d had your telephone number!
(Enter Baron in fragile condition)
‘Morning Buttons what’s that you said?
Oh dear, I’ve got a shockin’ head!
The noise and lights were loud and flashing;
My brain got a right old bashing.
Did any special thing take place?
Such as? What strange expression’s on your
Oh, I just wondered who you saw
While at the ball, inside the door.
(Enter Baroness in curlers)
Now then, Claude, you made a mess
Last night – of my new dress!
When you spilt your sherry trifle
Down my front -
“Your wife’ll kill you” someone said
I said “I know! Wish I were dead.”
I’m sorry love, it was an error.
(I spent the night in mortal terror.”
Cinders will wash it out in ‘Bold’
I’m sure the stain will go – not hold.
(Enter Ugly Sisters)
Prince Charming was off-hand last night.
Well, you gave him such a fright!
When you danced that lovely waltz
You should never have said your teeth were false.
It wasn’t that which caused his ‘pet’
It was showing him your bottom set!
I was doing well until that girl
Came in late and caused a whirl.
Yes – Who was she ? – That common miss.
I saw the Prince give her a kiss!
Right between the waltz and jive!
He looked the happiest man alive.
Nonsense! She left without a word of who
She was – then lost her shoe!
Dandini found it when she’d gone;
The Prince’s eyes – they fairly shone!
“I’ll find the owner of this shoe”
He said, “And when I do I know it’s true
That my bride I will her make.
(I’ll bet she bakes a nifty cake.)”
So – are they searching for this girl?
Oh dear! My heart’s in such a whirl!
(Door bell rings)
Someone at the door is knocking!
Let ‘em in. Ooh, my head’s shocking!
Pray silence for the Royal Prince.
He hasn’t slept a wink! Not since
His lovely lady did a bunk.
He says his heart has gone and sunk!
What Dandini says is true.
I want the owner of this shoe
To be my bride. I’ll never rest
Until she says she loves me best.
No matter where this girl doth hide
I’ll find her and she’ll be my bride!
So all the ladies in this dwelling
Can try this shoe (No, we’re not selling!)
But after trying – if it’s a fit
Upon the Royal Throne she’ll sit!
Let me. Let me. I’m sure it’s mine!
She’s shooting such an awful line!
It won’t fit her – I’m sure of that!
It’ll not fit you – you nasty cat!
Stand aside now, will you Fred?
Before I punch your silly head!
I’m not Fred, I’ll have you know.
As for punching, you can go …….
Buttons! No more of that, you foolish scion;
Clare and May, this shoe will try on.
(And I hope it really fits
One, or I shall lose my wits!
Miss Clare, let’s see your little foot;
And into this small shoe, it put.
(Clare tries on shoe unsuccessfully)
Oh dear, my foot is just too large!
No wonder! It’s more like a barge!
I’ll try it on. It will fit me!
Your foot would take not one – but three!
(May tries unsuccessfully also)
I was so sure it would fit May.
Whose foot will it fit, I pray?
Buttons steps forward
Your Highness, do let Cinders try.
I’m sure you’ll find your lady nigh
On hand. A whacking great surprise
You’ll have before your very eyes!
That shoe would make her trip and fall!
She wasn’t even at the ball!
Shut up, May, about the ball!
As usual, you know nowt at all!
Forward, Cinders, try it on.
Let’s see if you are the one.
If so, my bride you will become
And then my palace be your home!
(Cinders tries on shoe. It fits. She stands)
How can this be? She wasn’t there!
She spent the evening on that chair!
(F. G. appears)
Hold your tongue, you wicked shrew!
She went to that ball. I tell you
She stole the show – my Cinderella!
The Prince, he is a lucky feller!
To prove my case, my Prince, to you,
In half a tick the other shoe
I’ll go and get. My dress you’ll see
Then you’ll be sure your belle was me!
Prince hugs Buttons
Hooray! Hooray! Let’s celebrate!
His Highness has now found his mate!
Amen to that! I do declare
I want you all my joy to share.
So let this news go out today –
Merry Christmas, enjoy the holiday!
All Sing: We Wish you a Merry Christmas
Fairy Godmother ………………………………
Prince Charming ………………………………