CINDERELLA (A pantomime in rhyme)

Scene 1 (On stage Cinders and Buttons)

Narrator

Welcome one and welcome all

It’s Panto time, we’ll have a ball,

Your teachers have prepared for you

A Festive treat for you to view

 

CINDERS

Oh dear, oh dear, what shall I do

I’m sure I don’t like mixing stew

When both my sisters, Clare and May

Are going to the ball today!

If I had the time or the means

I’d buy their tea from café beans.

BUTTONS

Do not fret, my Cinders dear

Magic happens this time of year.

(Oh Cinders every year I’ve wished

For your lips and my lips to have kissed)        

Aside

(Enter Ugly Sisters)

CLARE

Oh there you are, you wretched lass

Where’s our tea get off your …  

MAY

Pass …. the stool I must sit down

You need to mend my costly gown

this new dress nips it’s still too tight

Get sewing now – it’s for tonight!

(Enter Baron and Baroness)

BARONESS

Are we looking forward to the Princes Ball

I’m sure the Prince is bound to fall

For Clare or May – who knows which one?

With either he’ll feel that he has  won

A treasure far beyond his dreams.

He will be chuffed – or so it seems!

BARON

Are you ready yet, my dears?

Cinders – surely they’re not tears?

CINDERS

Oh Daddy dear why can’t I go?

All I do is wash and sew.

I fix and mend and do all the errands

At least let me play COD with Josh Ferrens

I never get the chance to jive

And twerk to show I’m still alive!

BARON

I’m sorry, Cinders, it seems unfair

You stuck here, Your sisters there

But they’ll land the Prince and all his lolly

And we’ll live in luxury, by golly!

BUTTONS

The prince with them, as if he’d wanna

He’d sooner go out with Cullum Mcdonagh

BARONESS

Now Buttons – don’t you answer back

Or you’ll be out!  You’ll get the sack!

CLARE

No doubt at all, you awful boy.

To sack you would give us great joy!

BARON

You can’t sack Buttons – well, not today;

You see, I owe him six months pay!

MAY

If we can’t sack him then, by heck,

He’ll get my foot right in his neck!

BARONESS

Come, come,  my darlings, calm you down;

The Prince won’t like it if you frown.

(Sound of car horn)

BARON

We’ll have to go – the taxi’s here.

Don’t cry, Cinders; dry that tear.

CINDERS

I’m sorry Dad it’s just a friend of mine

Will be there to wine and dine,

With princes and kings you will see later

Will be my old chum PM James Slater

CLARE

We’re off then, Cinders, toodle-oo!

BUTTONS

Get lost then!  Go back to the zoo!

(Exeunt)

Scene 2  On stage, Cinders and Buttons

BUTTONS

Now they’ve gone, let’s have a party!

CINDERS

Who will come?  Not Mr MacLarty!

BUTTONS

Who wants him?  No, just we two.

We’ll dance and make a hulla-balloo!

We’ll have a ball!  Now shall we dance?

CINDERS

Let’s have a Disco!  Now’s our chance,

To practise those Travolta steps.

We’ll bubble up – get the Schweppes!

(Knock at the door)

BUTTONS

Who’s that ringing at the bell?

I’ll go and see.  (Trips) I nearly fell!

Whoever’s this?  (As figure enters)  My, you are teeny!

F.G.

Don’t be cheeky!  I’m the Sweeney!

 (She is disguised as a policeman)

CINDERS

The police!  What person do you seek?

There’s been no crime here, many a week!

F.G.

It’s you I’m seeking, little miss!

Come, give your Godmother a kiss!

BUTTONS

Kiss you mate?  Will you stop your larking?

Go and chase those drivers parking

Where they shouldn’t.  Don’t come here!

We don’t want you!  By gum!  No fear!

F.G.

I’d better now reveal the truth.  

(Throws off Disguise)

I’m not a copper.  That’s a spoof.

Your Fairy Godmother I am.

I’ve come to help you.

(To Buttons)  You can scram!

BUTTONS

I’m not going:  that’s a trick.

You can’t get rid of me that quick.

F.G.

I’ll see to you, my little Cinders.

(To Buttons) You can go and clean the winders.

(To Cinders)  What is it child that makes you worry?

Quickly, lass, I’m in a hurry!

After sorting out your mess

I’m playing Mrs Hill at chess.

CINDERS

Prince Charming’s looking for a missus;

At the ball he’ll give his kisses

To the girl who takes his fancy.

I can’t go – (indicates clothes) – I’d feel a “Nancy”

Both my sisters hope to score

BUTTONS

Though I think they’ll be shown the door.

CINDERS

If only I could go and dance,

I’m sure I would the Prince entrance!

F.G.

Cinders, to the ball you’ll go.

I’ll weave a spell with my wand – so:

In a tick you’ll have a dress

(That’s if I don’t make a mess

of it)  Here goes my chant:

Higgledy-piggledy – (Wand breaks) – oh my Aunt!

My wand has bent.  Never mind –

Some magic fairy dust I will find.

‘Magic dust – let’s have a gown.

A coach we’ll need to take you down –

Where are they holding this ‘ere ball?

What’s that you say?  Victoria Hall?

Off you go now, Cinders, love.

I’ll see you off.  (You’ll need a shove)

CINDERS

Oh thank you, Fairy.  I’m so grateful.

BUTTONS

Yes, heaps of thanks – in fact, a plateful.

(They start to move : F.G. stops them)

F.G.

Wait!  I am a silly witch!

These spells always have a hitch.

The magic lasts till midnight strikes:

Then you’d best be on your bikes!

At twelve it all returns to normal

So do be home while you’re still formal.

CINDERS

Worry not, my pleasure-giver;

Do not get yourself a-quiver.

I’ll leave in time - don’t you despair;

I’ll have the curlers in my hair

And be in bed all safe and sound

Before my dream adventure’s found.

CURTAIN

Scene 3  (After the ball, next morning.  Buttons and Cinders)

CINDERS  (Sweeping)

What a time I had last night –

Though when that clock struck, I’d a fright.

I clean forgot the fairy’s warning

And might have stayed until the morning!

Luckily I got out in time

But lost my shoe ‘ere I could climb

Onto the tandem Buttons had.

On leaving, though, I felt so sad.

BUTTONS

You made a hit with Princey Boy!

He fell for you - and showed his joy.

But when you left (during the Rhumba)

He wished he’d had your telephone number!

(Enter Baron in fragile condition)

BARON

‘Morning Buttons what’s that you said?

Oh dear, I’ve got a shockin’ head!

The noise and lights were loud and flashing;

My brain got a right old bashing.

CINDERS

Did any special thing take place?

BARON

Such as?  What strange expression’s on your

face!

CINDERS

Oh, I just wondered who  you saw

While at the ball, inside the door.

(Enter Baroness in curlers)

BARONESS

Now then, Claude, you made a mess

Last night – of my new dress!

When you spilt your sherry trifle

Down my front -

BARON

“Your wife’ll kill you” someone said

I said “I know! Wish I were dead.”

I’m sorry love, it was an error.

(I spent the night in mortal terror.”

BARONESS

Cinders will wash it out in ‘Bold’

CINDERS

I’m sure the stain will go – not hold.

(Enter Ugly Sisters)

CLARE

Prince Charming was off-hand last night.

MAY

Well, you gave him such a fright!

When you danced that lovely waltz

You should never have said your teeth were false.

BARONESS

It wasn’t that which caused his ‘pet’

It was showing him your bottom set!

CLARE

I was doing well until that girl

Came in late and caused a whirl.

MAY

Yes – Who was she ? – That common miss.

BARON

I saw the Prince give her a kiss!

CLARE

Right between the waltz and jive!

BARON

He looked the happiest man alive.

BARONESS

Nonsense! She left without a word of who

She was – then lost her shoe!

BARON

Dandini found it when she’d gone;

The Prince’s eyes – they fairly shone!

“I’ll find the owner of this shoe”

He said, “And when I do I know it’s true

That my bride I will her make.

(I’ll bet she bakes a nifty cake.)”

BUTTONS

So – are they searching for this girl?

CINDERS    (Aside)

Oh dear! My heart’s in such a whirl!

(Door bell rings)

BUTTONS

Someone at the door is knocking!

BARON

Let ‘em in.  Ooh, my head’s shocking!

(Enter Dandini)

DANDINI

Pray silence for the Royal Prince.

He hasn’t slept a wink!  Not since

His lovely lady did a bunk.

He says his heart has gone and sunk!

(Enter Prince)

PRINCE

What Dandini says is true.

I want the owner of this shoe

To be my bride.  I’ll never rest

Until she says she loves me best.

No matter where this girl doth hide

I’ll find her and she’ll be my bride!

DANDINI

So all the ladies in this dwelling

Can try this shoe (No, we’re not selling!)

But after trying – if it’s a fit

Upon the Royal Throne she’ll sit!

CLARE

Let me.  Let me.  I’m sure it’s mine!

MAY

She’s shooting such an awful line!

It won’t fit her – I’m sure of that!

BUTTONS

It’ll not fit you – you nasty cat!

CLARE

Stand aside now, will you Fred?

Before I punch your silly head!

BUTTONS

I’m not Fred, I’ll have you know.

As for punching, you can go …….

BARONESS

Buttons!  No more of that,  you foolish scion;

Clare and May, this shoe will try on.

(And I hope it really fits

One, or I shall lose my wits!

DANDINI

Miss Clare, let’s see your little foot;

And into this small shoe, it put.

(Clare tries on shoe unsuccessfully)

CLARE

Oh dear, my foot is just too large!

MAY

No wonder! It’s more like a barge!

I’ll try it on.  It will fit me!

DANDINI    (Aside)

Your foot would take not one – but three!

(May tries unsuccessfully also)

BARONESS

I was so sure it would fit May.

Whose foot will it fit, I pray?

Buttons steps forward

BUTTONS

Your Highness, do let Cinders try.

I’m sure you’ll find your lady nigh

On hand.  A whacking great surprise

You’ll have before your very eyes!

MAY

That shoe would make her trip and fall!

She wasn’t even at the ball!

BUTTONS

Shut up, May, about the ball!

As usual, you know nowt at all!

PRINCE

Forward, Cinders, try it on.

Let’s see if you are the one.

If so, my bride you will become

And then my palace be your home!

(Cinders tries on shoe.  It fits.  She stands)

BARONESS

How can this be?  She wasn’t there!

She spent the evening on that chair!

(F. G. appears)

F. G.

Hold your tongue, you wicked shrew!

She went to that ball.  I tell you

She stole the show – my Cinderella!

The Prince,  he is a lucky feller!

CINDERS

To prove my case, my Prince, to you,

In half a tick the other shoe

I’ll go and get.  My dress you’ll see

Then you’ll be sure your belle was me!

Prince hugs Buttons

DANDINI

Hooray!  Hooray!  Let’s celebrate!

His Highness has now found his mate!

PRINCE

Amen to that!  I do declare

I want you all my joy to share.

So let this news go out today –

Merry Christmas, enjoy the holiday!

ALL

Merry Christmas

                                     All Sing:  We Wish you a Merry Christmas

CAST:

Cinderella                ………………………………

Buttons                ………………………………

Clare                        ………………………………

May                        ………………………………

Baroness                ………………………………

Baron                        ………………………………

Fairy Godmother        ………………………………

Dandini                ………………………………

Prince Charming        ………………………………