Chapter 4

                “Damn girl.” Sammy said as Tammy walked out of the dressing room. “You lookin’ so fine.”

        “You think so?” Tammy asked. “I don’t look to slutty, do I?”

        “What are you talking about?” Melissa said. “Halloween is the one time a year a women gets to release her inner slute.”

        “And what a classy slute you will be.” Sammy said.

        “So you think I should go with this one?” Tammy asked.

        “Most definitely.” Melissa said. “Nothing says come worship me like a sexy aphrodisian goddess costume.”

        “Ya girl, Walt’s gunna get a hard on like none other when he sees you in this.” Sammy said. “He’s gunna be all over you.”

        “Fucking gross Sammy.” Melissa said. “The last thing I want to imagine is my brother and Tammy getting it on in some closet of your house.”

        “Some closet?” Sammy said laughing. “Shit, if they wanna bone they might as well just christen it on my parents’ bed.”

        “Anything’s better than that grimmy bed Walt’s got.” He said while nudging Tammy in the arm.

        “God I’ve been telling him to wash those sheets for months now.” Melissa said. “I don’t know how you put up with it Tammy.”

        “Well me and Walt don’t exactly spend too much time on his bed.” Tammy said awkwardly.

        “What are you two like boning on the floor?” Sammy asked playfully.

        “Ya I didn’t think it would stink bad enough to push you guys to screwing on the ground.” Melissa said. “Talk about rug burn.”

        “No we…”

        “Wait a fucking second.” Sammy blurted out. “Are you and Walt not doing it yet… Not even a little?”

        “Not exactly.” Tammy said, looking at the ground. “We haven’t moved that far yet I guess.”

        “Well what the hell do you guys do all the time in Walt’s room?” Melissa asked curiously. “I mean you guys practically have the door shut all the time.”

        “Damn, your parents let Walt shut the door?” Sammy asked. “I know they’d never let your slutty ass even think about doing that Melissa.”

        “I know right.” Melissa said. “I just can’t keep it in my pants these days.”

        “So you’ve done it before?” Tammy asked.

        “Has she done it before?” Sammy said, looking at Melissa as they both laughed.

        “Oh ok.” Tammy said quietly.

        “Ah sweetheart it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” Melissa said, putting her arm over Tammy’s shoulders. “To be honest I’ve only done it a couple times. It’s just kind of a joke between me and Sammy that I get around more than I actually do.”

        “Oh ok. Well what’s it like if don’t mind me asking?” Tammy asked, perking up a little now that Melissa had soothed her embarrassment away.

        “Well your first time, honestly, might hurt a little bit unless you take care of yourself downstairs on the reg, but...”

        “Oh I do…” Tammy said, putting her hand over her mouth quickly as she began to blush.

        “Damn, so you and Walt do have more in common than I thought.” Sammy said bursting out with laughter.

        “It’s ok. It’s ok girly.” Melissa said quite sincerely. “Nothing to be embarrassed about either. Girls got needs just like the rest of them. We’re just not gross about it like boys, that’s all.”

“I don’t know what you too are talking about.” Sammy said. “But when I take care of myself it’s like a damn symphony up in here. Like Beethoven and Mozart making a baby.”

“First off Sammy, that makes no fucking sense.” Melissa said. “Secondly, that’s what I’m talking about, boys are fucking gross.”

“So have you done it too Sammy?” Tammy asked.

“Depends do you mean, with a boy or a girl.” Sammy asked with a smirk.

“Well either I guess.” Tammy asked.

“Well concerning boys, then yes.” Sammy said. “But, you’ll have to ask Melissa as far as girls go.”

“Oh my god shut the fuck up Sammy.” Melissa said through a smile as she punched him in the arm.

“Wait… no… you two have hooked up.” Tammy asked entirely surprised.

“Well are we gunna tell her?” Sammy asked.

“ We might as well now that you blurted it out.” She said.

“Yes, we fooled around a little bit sophomore year before this one decided he was gay.” Melissa said.

“Decided?” Tammy asked.

“What she means to say is that I hadn’t come out yet.” Sammy said.

“I would’ve never known.” Tammy said. “You guys seem so close still.”

“What do you mean?” Sammy asked.

“Well I just thought sex would complicate things, especially after she found out you were gay.” Tammy said.

“No, you’re right.” Melissa said. “It was super awkward between me and him for a couple weeks, but it got better later.”

“How so?” Tammy asked.

“Well, at first I was super insecure.” Melissa said. “Like in the back of my mind I thought maybe it was something I did, something wrong with me. But that was just me being a little illogical and youthfully ignorant about all that Sammy was going through.”

        “Ya, and I never wanted to make her feel that way. I just kinda collapsed under societal pressures to shack up with a girl, be ‘normal’ you know.” Sammy said as he and Melissa continued to browse through the costume rack

        “Ya, but I don’t regret it now whatsoever.” Melissa said.

        “Ya, me either.” Sammy said.

        “Really?” Tammy asked.

        “No not at all.” Melissa said. “I know it must sound a little funny, but I got to have my first time with someone who I really care about and still do. I know now that we can’t be together like that anymore, but I just don’t want to regret something that was so good while it lasted.”

        “Agreed.” Sammy said as he looked at Melissa with a smile. “Plus, she’s not too bad in the sack...for a girl.”

        “Fuck you.” She said, hitting Sammy again before blushing.

        “Fuck, that one actually hurt.” Sammy said while rubbing his arm.

        “Good.” Melissa said while laughing. “And you weren’t to bad in the ‘sack’ either...for a gay guy.”

        “Why thank you my dear.” Sammy said. “What can I say, we gays know how to fuck.”

        “You two are pretty amazing.” Tammy said.

        “Thanks.” Melissa said. “We try.”

        “We really do.” Sammy said returning to his laughter. “But given all that, I guess our shared advice would be that your first time should be intimate and wonderful… something you’ll never regret.”

        “Do you think Walt could be that for you?” Melissa said. “You can be honest with us Tammy. I know Walt’s my brother, but it’s ok to have your doubts. I mean it’s only been a couple of months and it’s ok if you don’t think you’re ready.”

        “Promise, it’ll just stay between us three girls.” Sammy said with a gentle smile.

        “On our honor.” Melissa followed up.

        “You guys are sweet.” Tammy said. “And to be honest I don’t know yet. I really care about Walt, I have since we met, but I’m not sure if either of us are ready to take that step in our relationship.”

        “Oh honey, he’s a guy.” Sammy said. “He’s definitely ready.”

        “Oh shut up Sammy.” Melissa said. “You know what she means.”

        “Don’t get me wrong.” Tammy said. “I’m attracted to Walt and I want to do it. It’s just, I don’t want to rush into anything and ruin what could’ve been a really special moment for us. I guess I just want what you guys had.”

“What, you want Walt to be secretly gay?” Sammy said jokingly.

“Dammit Sammy.” Melissa said, putting her hand to her face.

“How’d you know I had a fetish for sleeping with closeted gay guys?” Tammy asked jokingly.

“Shit, if only you could have met this one a couple of years ago.” Melissa said laughing. “You would have been perfect for each other.”

“No, actually I totally understand.” Sammy said. “Maybe you should just talk to Walt about this. He might be feeling the exact same way.”

“Ya, Walt’s a sensitive lil bitch.” Melissa said. “He’s probably more worried about this than you.”

“Ya, I’ll talk to him then.” Tammy said.

“Oh and I almost forgot.” Sammy said.

“What?” Tammy asked.

“Could you kind of keep the fact that me and Melissa hooked up on the down low?” Sammy asked.

“Wait, Walt doesn’t know.” Tammy asked.

“No one does.” Melissa said.

“It’s nothing personal to Walt, and I know it’s kind of shitty of us to ask you to keep something from him like this, but if you could we’d really appreciate it. You know how people gossip, and we’d just kinda like to keep this away from all that.” Sammy said.

“Ya I understand.” Tammy said. “Why did you guys tell me though?”

“Because you’re Tammy Olsen.” Melissa said with a chuckle.

“Huh?” Tammy asked.

“She just means you’re good people.” Sammy said with that gentle smile. “And I figured you needed to hear that, as much as we needed to tell you.”

“Thanks guys.” Tammy said. “That really means alot.”

“Well now that we’re done with all that sappy fucking shit.” Melissa said, returning to her brash tone of voice. “Which one should I go with, slutty witch or sexy Princess Leia?”

“Oh sexy Princess Leia for sure.” Sammy said. “The nerds will be all over dat ass this weekend in that.”

“I know right.” Melissa said. “Love me some nerdy dick.”

“You guys are ridiculous.” Tammy said. “Absolutely fucking ridiculous.”

….

        Roderick and I were getting ready for tonight while the girls and Sammy did the same at his place. It was Halloween Eve and Sammy was throwing a party for the occasion at his house. His parents and mine conveniently decided to take a little holiday getaway of their own at some bed and breakfast in Pennsylvania. One of the perks of having parents that were friends is that they tended to travel together, which they often had a way of doing at the most opportune times. Both our parents were cool enough that it wouldn’t surprise me if they did this on purpose. So little to say Sammy’s house, much more so than mine, became a place of high school legend amongst the various riff raff that we had come to associate with over the years. A place of mysterious and wild tales. A place where drunken debauchery and high philosophical quandaries floated in the air. Anything could happen at these parties and by anything... I mean anything. From insane walks into the psychedelic to a dangerously close encounter with russian roulette… Ok well that last part never really happened. It was more a conversation about such much more than it ever was an actual endeavor to be done, but you get my point.

Luckily we both lived at the end of a cul-de-sac where most of the houses were either owned by businessmen who rarely had time to be at home or were inhabited by elderly folk too deaf to have any clue what was going on. So we were safe to go as crazy as we wanted within any reasonable limits that a high school party could exceed. I wonder what they’re talking about over there? I often had thoughts such as these when Tammy, Melissa, and Sammy were alone together. I won’t lie, I was nervous sometimes about them starting to hang out as much as they did. It made me feel less needed by Tammy. Made me feel like there was a part of herself she wasn’t sharing with me. A part that only Sammy and Melissa were getting to know. It hadn’t boiled up to the point of resentment or anything. Not yet at least. But floated around my thoughts as a nervous curiosity. What were they…

“I see you’re sticking to the classic Walt look this year.” Roderick said.

“Of course.” I said. “Why fix what isn’t broken?”

“Truth.” He said with a chuckle.

“What’s funny?” I asked.

“Ah just imagining us twenty, thirty years from now.” He said. “We’ll all be a little older and fatter and you’ll still be dressing up like Maverick from Top Gun.”

“Hey, you remember what happened when I switched it up last year?” I said. “Never fucking doing that again for the love of God.”

“Oh ya a hipster dressing up for halloween like an over exaggerated hipster.” He said. “Who could forget?”

“Fucking terrible, right?” I asked.

“Ya that was pretty fucking bad.” He replied. “If there is one thing that big ole IQ of yours is lacking is a sense of holiday creativity.”

“Speaking of creativity… I get the Freddy Kruger mask, but why the suit get up and the cross?” I asked, pausing for a moment as I looked him up and down once more. “What are you a monster who found god or something?”

“Close, but no cigar my dear friend.” He said with a giant smirk on his face. “I’m a Republican.”

“Ok now that’s good.” I said as I belted out in laughter.

“Ya think so?” He asked as we both laughed along.

“Ya for sure!” I said. “So what do you think Tammy’s dressing up as tonight?”

“You don’t know?” He asked.

“Do you?” I asked in return.

“I don’t know man.” He said. “I’ve kind of been sworn to secrecy on this one.”

Secrecy?

“What the hell is that suppose to mean?” I asked, a little more brazenly this time.

What the fuck?

“Don’t get your panties in a ruffle Walty Boy.” Roderick said. “They just want it to be a surprise, that’s all.”

“I don’t know what the big deal is.” I said. “It’s not like her wedding dress or anything.”

“Well either way, from what I’ve heard from Sammy, she looks damn sexy.” He said.

“Hey watch yourself there.” I said a little pissy like. “We’re still talking about my girlfriend, alright.”

“Jesus, there you go getting all fussy over nothing Walt.” Roderick said. “Slow you’re roll a little bit.”

“I’m sorry man, I really am.” I said, calming down a little. “I’ve just been really frustrated the last couple weeks.”

“No worries my brother.” He said as a smile dawned his face. “I think I’ve got just the right prescription for such a predicament.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Just hold on a sec.” He said as he ruffled through his jacket pockets. “I know that sucker is somewhere in here… Dammit did they have to put so many fucking pockets on this thing.”

“Did you check the one on the inside part of your coat.” I asked.

“There it fucking is.” He said with joy. “Nice call Walty Boy.”

“Since when did you start calling me Walty Boy?” I asked.

“Since I started smoking this shit.” He said as he furnished a quite sizable J from his inner coat pocket. “This shit, my friend, is the bee’s fuckin’ knees and it will dispel all worries, troubles, and further anxieties completely from your mind.”

“Really?” I asked. “How potent is this shit?”

“Potent enough to sink the Titanic all over again.” He said with his little stoner giggle.

“I have no idea what you mean by that, but I think I’m gunna have to pass.” I said. “I don’t want to get too fucked before I get fucked up at the party.”

“Don’t worry man it’s a Sativa.” He said. “Basically the wake me ups of weed.”

“I know what a fucking Sativa is.” I said while grabbing it from his hand. “So this isn’t going to put me on my ass or anything?”

“Only in the best way Walty Boy.” He said. “But if you’re worried about seeming too fucked up in front of Tammy from the get go then put your worries aside because this shit will ease the anxiety while not being detrimental to the composure.”

“God you’re baked.” I said handing the J back to him. “I don’t know man.”

“Don’t worry brother.” He said. “Here’s an idea.”

“I’m listening.” I said.

“How bout I spark this bad boy up.” He said. “You take a few puffs. I take a few puffs and we save the rest for later.”

“Hmmm.” I murmured.

“Come on buddy!” He said. “Sounds like a pretty solid plan to me.”

“Oh shit, fine.” I said giving into to his stoner logic. “But just a few puffs.”

“The man says just a few puffs.” He said. “Then just a few puffs it shall be.”

“So what’s got you all frustrated and what not?” Roderick asked me as we sat on a couple of bean bag chairs in my room.

“I don’t know man it’s just…”

“You want to do the honors of lighting her up?” He asked, pushing the J in my direction.

“Ya sure.” I said, sparking the end of it with my lighter while taking a few puffs.

“There we go.” He said. “Nice and easy like.”

“Like I was saying though.” I said handing him the J. “I don’t know if it’s just me, but things have been a little tense between me and Tammy lately.”

“Really?” He asked. “From the outside you guys seem like you’re doing perfect.”

“No, don’t get me wrong, we are.” I said. “We’re really good, it’s just there is a lot of sexual tension in the air.”

“Wait, what all have you guys done so far?” He asked.

“I mean we make out from time to time and we mess around a little bit with our shirts off, but other than that not much.” I said.

“Well what’s wrong with that?” He asked. “I’d kill for some of that shit.”

“What the fuck dude?” I asked.

“Not with Tammy dude.” He said. “In general.”

“Oh my bad man. Sorry.” I said. “See this shit is getting to me.”

“Here brother.” He said handing me back the joint. “Take another hit… you know for posterity’s sake.”

“Ok.” I said, as I took another deep inhale.

“So what are you gunna do about it brother?” He asked.

“I don’t know man.” I said. “I don’t know if I should make a move or talk to her about it…”

“Dude, fuck talking about it.” Roderick said with gusto. “Sounds like you need to man up and make a move. Girl’s like that shit in a man.”

“You think?” I asked, rubbing my chin.

“I know.” He said. “Trust me do I fucking know. After watching hundreds of rom coms I’ve deduced this shit like a science.”

“You watch rom coms?” I asked.

“Ya, don’t you?” He asked.

“No, not really.” I replied.

“Well you should.” He said. “Girl’s are practically brainwashed by that shit. It’s like stealing the battle plans from the other side.”

“I don’t know man.” I said. “I don’t think Tammy watches a whole hell of a lot of that crap.”

“Trust me dude, she does.” He said. “There called chick flicks for a reason and even if she doesn’t they’re like a road map to women’s minds in general. So if she’s a chick, which I’m assuming she is, then trust the chick flick knowledge.”

“I guess you’re right.” I said. “Let me take one more hit of that J.”

“There’s my boy.” He said pumping his fist up and down. “There’s my fucking boy!”

“Fuck!” I yelled. “Let’s fucking party!”

….

        Tammy felt her anxiety rising. She felt the swift movements of her heart. She felt the air thicken as her breaths grew shorter in their stay. What would he say? What might he say when she asked him if he was ready. She knew she was. She knew that Walt was the one she wanted to be with in a way she had never been with a boy before. What would he say? All Tammy could think about was how he would respond to her forward gesture. Would he be overjoyed? She hoped not. She hoped he’d be just as shy and nervous about what they were possibly about to do. How could he not be? Tammy thought to herself. How could he not be nervous about such a leap forward into the longing intimacy that is the sexual encounter? Walt was sensitive in that way, sensitive in the way most boys aren’t at this age. He wouldn’t… he couldn’t take lightly what she was about to propose. Things would be forever different after this. So young… We’re both so…

“You dressed yet biotch?” Sammy asked as he emerged into the room with one hand over his eyes.

“You know you don’t have to cover your eyes Sammy.” Tammy said.

“I know.” Sammy said with a grin. “I was peeking anyway.”

“I’m not surprised in the least.” She said.

“Hey I’m not the only one curious as to what you got rocking under that sexy toga of yours.” He said.

“Oh really?” She responded jokingly.

“Ohhhh yes!” Sammy said. “I’ve caught many a glancing gaze give you the up-down at school.”

“Whatever you say Sammy.” She said. “Whatever you say.”

“I’m not kidding girly.” He said. “You might have even had a shot at being popular if you hadn’t met us dirty miscreants.”

“It just so happens I like playing in the mud and dirt.” She said with a smile.

“And that’s why we love you girl.” Sammy said.

“Hey Melissa get in here and check our sexy goddess out.”

“Ok, I’ll be in in a second!” Melissa yelled from the other room. “Just finishing up my Princess buns.”

“Sounds tantalizing.” Sammy yelled back at her.

“I’m talking about my hair dumbass!” Melissa yelled.

“Whatever you say my darling.” Sammy said. “Whatever you say.”

“Hey Sammy.” Tammy said.

“What’s up my dear?” Sammy asked.

“Do I… Do I look ok?” She asked.

“Do you mean do you look fine as fucking hell or do you mean do you think Walt will like it?” He asked.

“Both.” She said, with a shy smile.

“Tammy Olsen.” Sammy said as he put his hand gently on both of her arms. “You look absolutely beautiful… Walt’s a lucky guy to have you on his arm tonight.”

“Thanks Sammy.” She said.

“Anytime sweetheart.” He responded. “Anytime… Melissa would you get your ass in here already!”

“Jesus, I’m coming.” She barked as she entered the room.

“So what do you think?” Tammy asked.

“Girl, you look even better than you did in the store.” Melissa said with sass.

“It’s probably just the makeup.” Tammy said.

“Whatever it is, keep it going, because tonight is a night to be sexy as shitttt.” Melissa said. “Sammy where the fuck is your costume?”

“Hold your shit.” Sammy said. “I’m going to put it on in a second.”

“Well hurry the fuck up.” Melissa said. “The party starts in like an hour.”

“That’s more than enough time!” He said. “Unlike you bitches, it doesn’t take me forever and a day to get ready.”

“You know your gay ass is lying like hell.” She said.

“Got me!” Sammy said with a laugh as he moved to leave the room. “I’ll go get ready.”

“So Tammy.” Melissa said.

“Ya, what’s up?” Tammy said.

“Have you thought anymore about what we talked about earlier in the week?” She asked.

“What do you mean, about Walt and I?” Tammy asked.

“Ya.” She said.

“To be honest it’s all I’ve been thinking about.” Tammy said.

“Well have you come to any conclusions?” Melissa asked.

“Well…” Tammy said, trailing off.

“Well what?” Melissa asked.

“I think tonight might be the night.” Tammy said.

“See, I told you bitches it wouldn’t take that long.” Sammy said while returning to the room.

“That was quick.” Tammy said.

“You’re hair looks screwy.” Melissa said.

“Fuck!” Sammy said as he stomped out of the room.

“What was wrong with his hair?” Tammy asked.

“Nothing.” She said. “I just like fucking with him, but anyways back to what we were talking about. So you think you’re ready?”

“I think I am.” Tammy said. “I want to be with Walt and I think this is where I want us to go now.”

“Well that’s great then!” Melissa said, giving Tammy a big hug. “It’s going to be amazing!”

“I hope so.” Tammy said.

“Don’t hope.” Melissa said. “Just know.”

“Ok.” Tammy said.

“You got this girl.” Melissa said. “Just let Darwin take care of the rest… I mean use protection and all… You get what I’m saying.”

“Ya I got you.” Tammy said.

“Got what?” Sammy said.

“Tammy and Walt are finally going to bone.” Melissa said crassly.

“Oh well isn’t that wonderful Tammy dearest!” Sammy said with glee. “But now that we have established that can we move on to more important matters.”

“And what’s that?” Tammy asked curiously.

“How’s my hair look now?” He said, glancing into the mirror to do the final touches.

“I liked it better before.” Melissa said with a smirk.

“Fuck you!” Sammy howled. “I knew you were fucking with me, but seriously how does it look? Should I change it back?”

“It look’s great Sammy.” Tammy said. “You’re the sexiest Han Solo I’ve ever seen.”

“Damn right he is!” Melissa said. “So what’s our game plan tonight Mr. Solo?”

“Same as always.” He said. “I scope out for you and you for me.”

“Classic.” Melissa said.

“As Walt would say, why fix what isn’t broken?” Sammy said with a laugh.

“Speaking of Walt.” Melissa said. “Please tell me he’s not going as that douche bag Tom Cruise again is he?”

“Girl, Walt’s been rocking that Top Gun look for Halloween ever since your dad gave him that leather jacket when he was twelve.” Sammy said.

“Wait, Walt’s hasn’t changed his Halloween costume since he was twelve?” Tammy asked, with an air of laughter.

“No my dear, sadly he has not.” Sammy said.

“That’s not true.” Melissa said. “How could we forget last year’s costume?”

“Oh yes the hipster dressed like a hipster.” Sammy said. “I thought I had sufficiently blocked that in the recesses of my memory. Thanks for reminding me of that catastrophe of an outfit.”

“He went as what?” Tammy asked.

“I’ll spare you the details and say that we gave him so much shit for it that he will never make the same mistake again.” Sammy said.

“Ya we did.” Melissa said laughing. “In a way we have forever perpetuated the douche bag Tom Cruise guise for the season.”

“I’ll take that over that shit he pulled last year any day of the week.” Sammy said.

“So it was really that bad?” Tammy asked.

“Oh darlin’ it was hideous!” Sammy proclaimed. “Just absolutely hideous!”

“He looked more like a decrepit old homeless man than anything else.” Melissa said.

“Hell, at least he looks pretty sexy as Goose or whatever the hell he’s supposed to be.” Sammy said.

“I don’t think that’s the right character at all Sammy.” Melissa said.

“I don’t know which fucking character is which, girl.” Sammy said. “You know gay people ain’t got time for that shitty shit.”

“Point taken.” Melissa said.

“You know now that I think of it.” Tammy said. “I don’t think I’ve seen that movie either.”

“Don’t tell Walt that.” Melissa said. “Talk about a childhood favorite.”

“Don’t worry, from what Walt has told me about it you ain’t missing out on much.” Sammy said. “Fucking shit has he tried to get me to watch that movie like a thousand times.”

“You’re such a good friend Sammy!” Melissa said.

“I know right!” Sammy retorted. “Best fucking friend a guy could ask for.”

“Ya, you’re alright I guess.” Melissa said.

“Alright?” Sammy asked. “I’m the tits fucking mcgee.”

“And on that note of confusion I’m going to go take a dump before tonight’s shenanigans ensue.” Melissa said, as she swiftly made her way to the bathroom.

“You’re gross girl.” Sammy said. “An absolute fucking mess.”

“Love ya biotch!” Melissa said from across the hall.

“Oh don’t you ever.” Sammy said.

Ring. ring. Ring. ring.

“What was that?” Tammy asked. “You guys don’t still have a landline phone setup, do you?”

“Actually sadly, we do?” Sammy said. “My parents just absolutely refuse to let the 90’s go, but that abhorrent ringing is the door bell.”

“That’s got to get annoying.” Tammy said.

“You have no idea.” Sammy responded.

“Well are you gunna get it?” Tammy asked.

“Ah it’s probably just Walt and Roderick.” Sammy said.

“Well do you want me to get it?” Tammy asked.

“No, not at all girl.” Sammy said. “Walt knows better than to ring my doorbell. Let em wait outside a little bit as due punishment.”

“Ok, I guess.” Tammy said with a laugh.

Ring. ring. Ring. ring.

“Oh my fucking god, I’m going to kill him!” Sammy yelled.

“You know how impatient he can get.” Tammy said. “He’s probably livid right now.”

“Oh I know sweetheart.” Sammy said. “Don’t I know.”

….

What the fuck is taking so long Sammy?

“Did you say something Walt?” Roderick asked.

“I guess I’m just talking to myself.” I said in an odd fashion. “To be honest I thought I was thinking that to myself, and I guess it just came out.”

“Ah shit!” Roderick said. “You’re a little more baked than I thought.”

“Ya, I think I am.” Walt said with an air of concern.

“Hope Tammy doesn’t mind that you started so early without her.” Roderick said.

“Don’t start fucking freaking me out man.” I said with a surprisingly calm tone. “I don’t need to get all riled up again, especially when I’m on this shit.”

“Where the fuck are they?” Roderick said.

“I don’t know.” Walt said. “Sammy usually can’t handle more than one utterance of that awful doorbell of his.”

“True.” Roderick said. “Maybe try one more time.”

“Ok I guess.” I said as I moved to ring it again.

“Oh my fucking God. I’m going to...” We heard Sammy’s muffled voice say through the confines of the door.

“Well I think that did the trick.” Roderick said with a chuckle.

“Ya think?” Walt said as he laughed along.

“What the fuck Walt?” Sammy barked as he open the door. “Oh tell me your asses aren’t laughing at me. You know this thing drives me bat shit crazy.”

“Sorry.” We both said in unison.

“Why the fuck didn’t you just come in?” Sammy said. “The door’s fucking unlocked.”

“We didn’t know if you guys were still changing.” I said.

“What’d you think we were all changing in the front entrance together or something?” Sammy said.

“Fair point.” I remarked.

“Wait are you two baked?” Sammy asked.

“Uhhh… Ya a little.” I said, as Roderick snickered in the background.

“Well it smells like a little bit more than a little.” Sammy said. “What did you two hotbox your room or something?”

“Dammit I didn’t even think to open a window or something.” I said, realising how baked I was. “That explains a lot.”

“Ya it does.” Roderick said, as he continued to snicker along.

“Well I imagine you to are mighty thirsty if you were smoking that new shit Roderick got.” Sammy said. “That shit gives you hella cotton mouth.”

“Ya it fucking does!” Roderick said.

“Ya, actually that sounds mighty good right now.” I said.

“Mighty good?” Sammy asked.

“Ya I know.” I said. “I’m so baked.”

“Oh lord.” Sammy bellowed. “Well all I got in the fridge is beer, so that’ll have to do for the time being.”

“That’s fine.” I said. “As long as it’s wet, at this point I’ll drink it.”

“Perfect.” Sammy said. “This will also be a great time to check out the beer bong I got for the party.”

“Ew a fucking beer bong you say.” Roderick remarked with excited curiosity. “You dog.”

“I know right.” Sammy said.

“I don’t know guys, I’m feeling pretty fucked up as it is.” I said while swaying back and forth a little. “Might want to let this stuff cool down a little before I jump into all of that shit.”

“Oh don’t be such a pussy.” Sammy said. “It’s Halloween… Live a little!”

“Ok, ok, but just one you hear me.” I said.

“Is it ever just one when it comes to beer bonging cheap shitty beer?” Sammy said.

“Truth!” Roderick said.

“Oh boy.” I said. “Oh boy.”

What happened? The whole world was spinning. My existence had gone from pleasantly stoned to utter destitution as I wobbled off the wooden deck of Sammy’s backyard to the grass below. One beer bong had turned into two and two to three. Well two and a half given that I spit out the rest before leaving the deck. Fucking shit… Holy fucking shit… Yup there comes the vomit. It spued out like niagra falls meets a fire hydrant on methamphetimines. I collapsed to the ground like a man long dead. What happened? What did I…

“Walt, oh my god are you ok?” Tammy said, as she rushed down the stairs of the deck to me.

“I’m fine... I’m fine… Actually no I’m not.” I said, as more puke drizzled out of my moaning mouth.

“What happened?” Tammy asked with utter concern in her voice. “Do I need to call an ambulance or something.”

“No I just…”

“Naw Tammy he’s just got the spins that’s all.” Roderick said.

“The spins?” Tammy asked. “But the party hasn’t even started yet.”

“I know.” Roderick said. “We kinda… We kinda got a little high before we came over.”

“Only kinda?” Tammy asked, with a growing anger in her voice.

“Ya then we kinda did a couple beer bongs.” Sammy said. “But I swear I didn’t think he was this fucked up already. He normally can handle his shit.”

“Ya, honest Tammy.” Roderick followed up.

“Well obviously fucking not.” Tammy said.

“Tammy… Tamm…” I said as my language capabilities flew out the door.

“What Walt?” Tammy barked in his direction.

“I think I need to go lay down for a…”

Oh more puke.

“Ok.” Tammy said with a short tone. “Will you two help me get him up?”

“Ya sure.” Roderick and Sammy said as they hoisted me up.

“Ok I just…” Tammy said.

“Don’t worry about it Tammy we got it.” Sammy said. “Just stay and hang out at the party and we’ll chill with Walt till he starts feeling better.”

“I think I’m just going to have my mom pick me up.” Tammy said with a mixture of disappointment and anger in her voice.

“No seriously Tammy, Walt will be…”

“Sammy.” She said. “I’m going home.”

“Ok.” Sammy said. “I’m sorry.”

“This isn’t your fault Sammy.” Tammy said.

“Whose is it then because I hope it isn’t mine.” Roderick said.

“Shut the fuck up Roderick!” Sammy barked.

“What?” Roderick said with a slight whimper.

“Nothing.” Sammy said. “Let’s just get Walty Boy back to his bed.”

What had I done? I was unfortunately aware of all of this though gone as I may have seemed. That I had ruined the night. That Tammy was going home now. That she was gone and I felt so alone. Alone. Sammy and Roderick ended up dragging my ass home, which was more of a task than either of them were prepared for at the start of the night. By the time they both got me in my bed I had puked up any remaining vestige of liquid my body had to offer, but that was the least of my concerns. What had I done? Tammy was pissed and that I knew. How could she not be? Her boyfriend, who she had probably intended to have an enjoyable evening with on this hallowed occasion, got shit canned before anybody had even showed up and put lips to booze. I’m an idiot. Fucking idiot. Sammy and Roderick stayed with me for an hour or so until I felt normal enough to tell them they could go back to the party. It didn’t take much convincing once they knew that I’d be alright, but I knew I couldn’t go with them. How could I when the one person I wanted most to be with right now probably hates my guts. I hope I hadn’t gone too far in my stupidity and lack of utter foresight, but I guess that was up for Tammy to decide now. All and all I hadn’t ruined the night and the party would go on. People would laugh, drink themselves asunder, and make the kind of memories one only can at high school parties such as this. I hadn’t ruined the night, but I had ruined her night and that was the worst of all. I’m a fucking piece of shit! A fucking goddamn piece of shit.

….

        I stood on the precipice of shame and terror as I waited for that last bell of the day to ring. What have I done?  I waited, just as I had for every bell that preceded the one to come. What could I say?  I waited, just as I had for every second that lay between me and the moment Tammy left just a few days ago. Would I even be able…

        Ring. Ring.

        “Oh thank Jesus!” I blurted out as the class paused for a moment to look my way.

        Oh Fuck.

        I quickly shrugged off my embarrassment as the class moved to make their leave. I soon followed suite and packed up my bag while simultaneously making my way to the door. She hadn’t said a word to me since she last left me to wallow in my own vomit. Not a single phone call. Not one text. Now this isn’t to say that I didn’t call her or anything, but I held no delusions that she was in any mood for my petty excuses, not yet at least. There was nothing to be said between the two of us for the time being, nothing but a perpetuity of silence into which I was stricken and cast asunder to. No, this was a ravine of my own making that could only be bridged when she wished it to be, if she wished it at all. I knew too well that when and if she did, my fucking idiot self better be damn ready to kiss ass and grovel for any ounce of forgiveness she might have for me. What will happen? She didn’t even make eye contact with me in Mr. Singer’s class, not even when words finally breached her lips to instruct me that I was to meet her after class in the parking lot. I couldn’t tell if she was being nonchalant, indifferent, or intentionally cold in the way her tone sounded. All I know is I felt discarded, and rightfully so. A castaway. A wretch.

        As I made my way through the halls I couldn’t tell if I felt like a dead man walking or a man seeking grace and salvation. I didn’t know because...

     “Shoot Walt, you look like the living dead right now.” Mr. Singer said to me. “Why so glum?”

“Oh, hey Mr. Singer.” I said, snapping from my trance. “Just kinda a rough weekend that’s all.”

“Oh I see.” He said with a laugh. “Have a little too much fun this weekend did we?”

“Yes and most definitely no.” I said.

“Paradoxical answer my dear boy.” He said. “Sounds like lady troubles. Everything between you and Tammy ok?”

“That’s what I’m going to figure out I guess.” I said, attempting to remove the guise of utter remorse from my tone of voice.

“Ah, I see.” He said. “Got time to step in my office and chat a little about the matter? Maybe sketch out some sort of game plan for ya?”

“I wish Mr. Singer, but I’m pretty sure that boat has sailed.” I said. “Just time to accept her judgement and beg for as much mercy as she’s willing to give.”

“I see.” He said. “Word of advice though?”

“Couldn’t hurt at this point.” I said.

“Well I don’t know exactly what happened this weekend between you two, nor do I want to given the school’s policy on fraternizing too closely with you miscreants potentially illegal and interpersonal extra-curricular activities.” He said. “But anyway, I know things can seem like the end of the world at this age when you make a mistake. That the whole world revolves around every single choice you choose and to screw up is to send that world crashing down. Quintessential teenage angst and what not, but just realize that the sins of youth fade when we admit what we have done, accept them for what they are, and do our best to move on and not let them be repeated. So I guess my point is… just be honest with her Walt. Accept your role in it and do your best to not make the same mistake. Tammy’s a sensible gal. She’ll understand.”  

“I know, you’re right Mr. Singer.” I said with a little more perk in my voice. “I actually feel a little better now… well except this churning feeling I’ve had in my stomach all day.”

“Well there’s no getting rid of that buddy.” He said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“That feeling you’re having.” He said.

“Ya, what about it?” I asked.

“That, Walt, is the primordial and inescapable terror a woman’s fury has on a man.” He said with menace and laughter. “That, you’ll just have to ride out till she either pardons you or claws your eyes out.”  

“I don’t think I feel so good anymore.” I said.

“Oh you’ll be fine!” He said while patting me on the back. “I’m just messing with ya kiddo… well kind of… But you best be on your way to the gallows buddy. See you tomorrow!”

“Wait what?” I asked in a frenzy as he walked away whistling. “What do you mean kinda? Gallows?”

Gallows?

As I quickly tried to recover from the shock of his final comments and the initial presence of his wisdom, I made my way out the doors and into the parking lot. Mr. Singer had a way of doing this to me regularly. Sharing astute and lasting knowledge to ease my pain while leaving just enough time to undermine it and rip it all away. It was part of his appeal, his charm as a mentor to me. A guidance through youthful struggle with a dash of open ended torment. I slowly kept walking towards and then through the parking lot, counting the seconds as they went by till… till there she was… waiting for me. Waiting…

        As she leaned against my car looking off in the other direction I moved from a slow stumble to a somewhat nervous shuffle. This was it buddy boy, I thought to myself. Go ahead and say your empty prayers at the edge of the abyss and hope she doesn’t push you off of it. Just remember what Mr. Singer told you… ok not that last part, but the comforting section right before. Honesty. Acceptance. Fortitude to not fuck up this bad again. Fuck! Calm down! Fucking…

“Hey Walt.” She said quietly, with her arms folded.

“Hey Tammy.” I responded.

“Look I’ll just be upfront.” She said. “I...”

“Tammy.” I said, cutting her off momentarily. “Can I just say something before you break up with me or forgive me or whatever the hell is about to happen. I promise it will be quick.”

“Ok.” She said, seeming slightly surprised and intrigued.

“I know I fucked up beyond compare this weekend and I’m sorry. I won’t try to make excuses for my behavior, but I promise you I didn’t do it to hurt you. Maybe that’s the worst part about all of this is, that I didn’t take into account how my actions might affect you and I’m just sorry for that. But I promise you… I promise you as I live and breathe that I won’t let that happen again because, to be honest, I’ve never cared about someone like the way I care for you. And I think it took all this to fully realize that. I’m not asking that you forgive me right away. I’m just asking that you give me a second chance to earn your forgiveness and show you that I deserve it. Because, I love…” I said, stopping mid-sentence and suddenly gasping for air as my skin shrivelled and went cold.

        “You what?” She asked while looking me straight in the eye and unfolding her arms.

        “Because I… I love you Tammy.” I said.

        “You love me?” She asked.

        “Ya I do.” I said to her. “I love you.”

        “Don’t you think we’re a little young for love?” She asked.

        “I don’t know.” I said, now looking at the ground. “It’s just how I feel.”

        “Well… Well good then.” She said as she slowly put her hand on my cheek causing me to once again raise my eyes to her. “Because... I love you too Walt.”

        “What?” I asked in utter shock.

        Did she just say…

        “I said I love you too ya idiot.” She said with a gorgeous smile. “And I forgive you.”

        “You do?” I asked, as relief and excitement flooded my body galavant and joyfully so.

“Ya I do.” She said. “That’s what I wanted to tell you this weekend before we…”

“Before we what?” I asked.

“Before we… you know.” She said now blushing.

“Wait… you wanted to… At the party…” I said stuttering. “Oh god… Oh my fucking god… I’m the biggest fucking idiot in the world aren’t I?”

“Well maybe not the biggest, but pretty damn close.” She said with a giggle.

“So you forgive me?” I asked one more time, for assurance.

“Don’t give me too many chances to change my mind, ok?” She said, still laughing.

“Ya, ok that was the last time.” I said.

“But Walt.” She said.

“Ya Tammy.” I said.

“You ever pull that shit again I’ll whoop your ass and leave you in the lawn.” She said, punching me in the arm all while shining that lovely smile my way.

“Damn girl. Live and let learn would you.” I said joining her in a laugh as I rubbed my arm.

“Don’t be such a wimp.” She said. “I didn’t even hit you with my swinging hand.”

“Oh, you have a swinging hand huh?” I asked in a playful manner.

“Ya, and it’ll knock your ass out.” She said while gently tapping her fist to my chin.

“Hey Tammy.” I said.

“I know.” She said. “I love you too.”