WARNING: Rated R. Elrohir/Elrond. Implied Elrond/Elros.

Agent Kaitlyn stared wide-eyed at the fic, mouth hanging open. Finally, she recovered enough to stand up and drag her gaze away from the words. She stuck her head out the door, and shouted, "Agent EEEEEEEERRRIIIIIIIN! Agent Eohric! Both of you!"

"This is...different," Agent Eohric commented, sounding as if he were having difficulty speaking at all. "I think...yes, I think I should do something about this. Luckily it looks like Elros escaped harm here, just barely. That's a miracle...I'll have to bring in Elrond and Elrohir and make sure that they're alright."

The agent opened a desk drawer, pulled out a file, and began scribbling down notes(written in something that was decidedly not English). He grimaced visibly at some of what he was writing.

"Would you like some Bleepka before you go?" he asked Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn, who had been banging her head against Eohric's office wall in an attempt to erase the memory through concussion, looked up eagerly at the mention of Bleepka. "Bleepka? Bleepka's very good," she said. "Thank you!"

"Chelsea! Hey, Chelsea!"

Agent Kaitlyn scowled at her computer screen. "You better take a look at this, then we have to go get Agent Bast so we can get all the hobbits out of there."

Chelsea made an inarticulate noise, and Kaitlyn nodded. "Yeah, another Vampire!Frodo fic. This time Merry and Pippin get dragged into it too, poor babies. Careful, though. It's really, really, really disturbing. And it isn't labeled AU."

"Ok," said Chelsea, "now we bring in Pippin and Merry. Dear lord… this hurts, it really does. Excuse me while I find the Bleepka fountain."

Kaitlyn called after her: "Also, I'm pretty sure there's a sequel where Pippin bites Boromir. Great, let's see if we can completely destroy M-E's chances of survival, by turning half of the Fellowship into vampires, without an AU label!"

Disclaimer: Agent Kaitlyn belongs to Kaitlyn, and these stories were written by her. Agent Eohric belongs to Artemis, and Agent Chelsea to Fawkes. All Middle-earth material belongs to Tolkien. The badfics under discussion are now lost.

Archivist’s Note: Following the deletion of the DCPS LJ, these may well be the only original DCPS stories still in existence.