Harry Potter:  Top 20 Bathroom Scenes

One of my favorite recurring trends throughout the Harry Potter books is the frequency of bathroom scenes, particularly given that Harry is only known to have bathed once and never once shown to have brushed his teeth.  Bonus points in this category are awarded for things such as how unique the scene is, how much bathroom-related humor can be drawn from it, how gratuitous and unnecessary the use of the bathroom is, how influential the scene is on the wider HP bathroom canon, and how important the scene is to the overall series.

20.  Myrtle Spies on Cedric in the Bathtub (GoF)

If a male character was spying on female characters in the bathroom, this would get a lot more attention.  As would Merope Gaunt holding Tom Riddle as a sex slave using a love potion.  But this does explain what Myrtle’s thinking about while she’s doing all that moaning, so at least there’s that.

19.  Dumbledore at Slughorn’s (HBP)

Important for two key reasons.  One, we learn of Dumbledore’s fondness for knitting patterns, which is delightful though not terribly central to the plot.  Two, it opens the door for Harry and Slughorn to talk more privately.  Which in turn convinces Slughorn to return to Hogwarts, share the crucial Horcrux memory, and give Harry and Dumbledore the information necessary to destroy Voldemort.  Good thing Albus decided not to go before leaving.

18.  Harry Brings Snape his Textbooks (HBP)

After the duel against Draco (we’ll get there), Snape orders Harry to fetch his textbooks and bring them back for inspection.  Harry first drops off the Half-Blood Prince book in the Room of Requirement for safekeeping then brings him Ron’s book instead.  Not all that important except for the fact that Harry, already known as The Boy Who Lived and The Chosen One, tries to pass off Roonil Wazlib as his preferred nickname.  With quick wits like that, it’s a good thing he and Ron befriended Hermione.

17.  Harry Watches Voldemort Kill a German Family (DH)

This is a controversial selection, I admit.  Bathroom scene purists will point out that the memorable part of what’s happening is actually taking place, not in a bathroom in London, but at the front door of a house in Germany.  And they’re right.  But I argue that because we are experiencing this event in Harry’s mind and that Harry is located in a Grimmauld Place bathroom at the time, that it at worst merits consideration on a technicality.  It loses some uniqueness points because Harry had previously retreated to the same bathroom to watch Voldemort force Draco to torture Rowle.  But this one pulls ahead because when Hermione and Ron confront Harry about why he was yelling and screaming from the bathroom, he tries to pass it off as a particularly painful bowel movement.  If “Roonil Wazlib is my nickname” and “I was yelling because my fiber consumption is off” are really the best bluffs Harry can come up with, I’m inviting him to my first annual Bathroom Poker Tournament and collecting all the gold he never thought to share with Ron.

16.  The Trio Brews Polyjuice Potion (CoS)

To be clear, this is the particular time in which Ron and Hermione start the potion and Harry joins them after being cleared to leave the hospital wing.  Not the one where they meet in the same bathroom with Moste Potente Potions and agree to brew the Polyjuice Potion.  Or the one where they bring the ingredients they stole from Snape’s private closet.  Honestly, it’s hard to imagine any viable way to have more scenes from Chamber of Secrets take place in a bathroom without a House Elf strike leading to frequent bouts of food poisoning amongst the student body.

15.  The Trio Escapes from the Ministry (DH)

This one rates as important solely because this is where Yaxley grabbed onto Hermione and followed the trio as they Apparated.  That resulted in their extended camping trip as Grimmauld Place was no longer safe from Death Eaters.  It also resulted in Ron’s splinching, though that’s hardly a unique occurrence.

14.  The Trio Gets Caught Investigating the Flood in Myrtle’s Bathroom (CoS)

This scene is a pioneer in the field of Harry Potter bathroom scenes.  Much like George Mikan paved the way for subsequent elite centers like Bill Russell, Wilt Chamberlain, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or the first person who posted the meme and made it go viral paved the way for the other billion people who posted the same meme in the same groups, it’s important to honor those who came first.  This is the first of many times Ron and Harry visit Myrtle’s bathroom and the first time we witness Hermione do so.  It lays the groundwork for the eventual reveal as to the location of the Chamber of Secrets, establishes Myrtle as more than a single-scene character, and gives us one of the countless moments in which Percy proves himself to be a buzzkill.

13.  Harry and Ron Realize Hermione Is a Cat (CoS)

This might be considered a hot take by some, but I think Emma Watson had a more memorable performance as Catwoman than Halle Berry did.

12.  Madam Rosmerta Imperiuses Katie Bell (HBP)

This one gets docked a few points because it’s unclear whether Katie actually entered the bathroom.  It seems clear that Rosmerta must have been behind the door, so the scene takes place at least partially in the bathroom, but in a ranking as serious as this one, every detail matters.  Additionally, we don’t actually see what happens because for once Harry is not in a girls’ bathroom.  But the implications of this scene are critical going forward.  We find out that someone is trying to commit murders at Hogwarts, which, admittedly, is not exactly unprecedented news by this point.  Harry immediately assumes Malfoy or Snape must be responsible (this time choosing Malfoy), which isn’t all that noteworthy, but turns out to be correct in his accusation, which is a rather rare occurrence over the course of the series.  This also changes the dynamic of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, which turns out to have a significant impact on the romantic lives of most of the residents of Gryffindor tower.

11.  Montague Appears in a Toilet (OotP)

This scene has a lot of the same merits and weaknesses as the previous one.  We don’t actually witness the scene firsthand, which has to count against it.  But this helps establish the Vanishing Cabinet connection which Malfoy exploits in Half-Blood Prince and gives Harry the opportunity to sneak into the Pensieve to view Snape’s worst memory.  The importance of both of those features gives Montague the decisive edge over Katie.

10.  The Trio Enters the Ministry (DH)

This is where Rowling really leaned into the bathroom thing.  Most of the other major ones make sense (all the ones in Myrtle’s bathroom because of the plumbing connection or Harry’s escapes into the most private place when overcome by the connection to Voldemort, for example) but this one was gratuitous.  But I like to think this was her way of pointing out that when you flush something down the toilet, it gets directed to the most disgusting and shitty place possible: the federal government.

9.  Ron and Hermione Destroy Hufflepuff’s Cup (DH)

Their time in Myrtle’s bathroom occurred off page and was presumably brief and uneventful as they were simply using it as a means to enter the Chamber of Secrets to retrieve a Basilisk fang and destroy a Horcrux.  But the importance of any event which leads to the destruction of a portion of Voldemort’s soul has to be taken seriously.  Also, it gets bonus points for Ron’s ability to replicate Parseltongue, giving us a grand total of one piece of evidence that Ron is capable of paying attention to what’s happening around him.

8.  Myrtle’s death (50 years before CoS)

This is almost as high as any off page bathroom scene can rank on this list because of its sheer importance.  First off, someone actually died in the bathroom, which is a pretty big deal even outside of Graceland.  Second, it almost resulted in the closing of Hogwarts, which is also pretty big.  It also led to Riddle’s decision to frame Hagrid and Hagrid’s subsequent expulsion.  Oh, and it allowed Riddle to create his first Horcrux and take the first step on his path to attempted immortality.  And gave Harry the final clue needed to find the Chamber of Secrets.  So just those few little details.

7.  Harry Takes a Bath with the Golden Egg (GoF)

This one’s noticeable for a lot of reasons.  First, it’s the only documented occasion in which Harry bathes.  Second, we have another instance of Myrtle taking a peep at naked guys, which should probably be a bigger topic of discussion.  Also, it’s quite possible that Myrtle saw both Cedric and Harry naked but Cho didn’t see either one.  That just seems weird, doesn’t it?  Third, it allows Harry to survive the Second Task, though Bart-Eye would have undoubtedly found another way of keeping him alive even if he botched this portion of the preparation.  Most importantly, it sets the stage for the weirdest midnight gathering imaginable, when Snape, Moody, Filch, and an invisible Harry all gather together to drop tantalizing hints and clues about all the mysterious events transpiring at Hogwarts,  This is probably about where my top tier begins.  I knocked this one to the bottom of that group because of the uncomfortable ramifications surrounding Myrtle’s Peeping Tom act, but it still clearly belongs with the other elites.

6.  The Trio Takes the Polyjuice Potion (CoS)

While their attempts to nab Malfoy for opening the Chamber of Secrets end in failure, this scene introduces us to one of the most important bits of magic and shows gives us an early mention of the secret cellar at Malfoy Manor which is presumably the very same room in which our heroes find themselves held captive in Deathly Hallows.  There are a lot of interesting implications for Polyjuice Potion as well so long as you have a creative mind, an adventurous spirit, flexible morals, and an ample supply of shredded Boomslang skin and powdered Bicorn horn.

5.  Harry Acquires Riddle’s Diary (CoS)

Yet another entry from Chamber of Secrets.  This is a very brief scene compared to the rest of the top tier with one clear and obvious reason why it ranks so high.  Harry has his first encounter with another Horcrux and feels compelled to keep it with him even though there is no apparent reason for him to do so.  Horcruxes of course turn out to be as central to the story as any bit of magic and this is just one of my instances where Rowling gives us a very humble introduction to a character or concept which turns out to be critical later on.  Much like the casual “Young Sirius Black lent it me” in the opening chapter which doesn’t pay off until the third book, we get a shabby, old book with no writing inside as our introduction to the foulest and most abhorrent form of magic in the entire story.  But I also want to highlight three little moments for Ron.  Throughout these lists, I’ll take more than my fair share of shots at Ron because, well, he wasn’t always the brightest bulb in the box.  But he shines here.  One, he warns that the book could be dangerous, and, given that it contains a shred of the soul of the most powerful Dark wizard of all time, which at various times nearly kills his future wife, best friend, and sister, turned out to have been an incredibly prescient bit of caution from a rather unexpected source.  Two, he remembers Riddle’s name as a recipient of an award for special services to the school.  If you spend a random night polishing some guy’s trophy, it’s probably best that you remember his name after, so good form here for our beloved sidekick.  Finally, he helps Myrtle establish an official point system for throwing books at ghosts.  On the off chance I ever encounter a spirit, phantasm, poltergeist, or other non-corporeal being, I want to know the scoring mechanisms so I know where best to aim whatever book I inevitably have on hand.  Always best to be prepared.

4.  Dumbledore Narrates His Visit to a Secret Bathroom (GoF)

I’ll readily admit that this one isn’t as obvious a contender as the rest of the top tier given that in the moment it’s more of an amusing anecdote than a climactic scene.  But it provides a prophetic bit of wisdom as Dumbledore acknowledges to everyone at his table for the Yule Ball feast that he doesn’t know all the secrets regarding Hogwarts.  This establishes a clear contrast between Dumbledore and Lord Voldemort, who believed himself the only person to discover the secret of the Room of Requirement and was confident enough in his assessment that he hid a portion of his soul there.  Of course, we discover later that the bathroom Dumbledore accidentally happened upon was in fact the very same room in which Voldemort placed a Horcrux.  I love that this room, one of my absolute favorite bits of magic in the entire series and one of Rowling’s most truly innovative and unique creations, is first introduced as simply a great place to take a leak.  Maybe the real magic was the piss we took along the way.

3.  Harry and Draco Have a Wand Fight in the Bathroom (HBP)

After six years of will-they-won’t-they uncertainty, heated banter, building tension, and obvious obsession with each other, Harry and Draco finally went at it in the bathroom.  And Draco still has the scars to prove it.  Okay, I think I’ve gotten the jokes out of my system now.  Beyond the obvious importance of the protagonist finally having his long-awaited battle against his rival and sworn enemy, this extended scene has several crucial nuggets tucked away.  Harry’s theory that Draco has truly turned to the Dark side is supported by his willingness to resort to an Unforgivable Curse.  This tends to get brushed under the rug because of what happens next, but that’s pretty shocking stuff.  Immediately thereafter, Harry attempts a Half-Blood Prince spell which he’s never used before and is horrified at the results as it slashes Draco like a sword and leaves him writhing on the floor in a pool of his own blood.  After a few rereads, some of these events seem to lose a bit of their shock value, but this was stunning on first read and if you really let yourself visualize everything happening on the page, it should remain so no matter how many times you’ve experienced it.  There’s also the connection to a previous bathroom scene (which definitely could have made the list) in which Myrtle let slip that there was a crying boy she was consoling in the bathrooms, and we learn here that Malfoy has apparently been having a rough year.  Perhaps the most important and ominous part of this scene, however, comes after Malfoy has been escorted to the hospital wing.  When Snape comes back, he uses Legilimency against Harry to see how he learned that spell and sees the Half-Blood Prince book.  After having his own spells performed against him by the Marauders, he now stands witness to the spitting image of his most hated rival now using it against his favorite student.  This is a huge moment for Harry and Draco for all the obvious reasons.  But with the Prince connections and the schoolboy duel between the famous Potter boy and his Slytherin rival on a path to become a Death Eater, there would have to be an uncomfortable amount of deja vu for Snape in this moment as well.

2.  Troll in the Dungeon (PS)

This is the OG bathroom scene.  While I mentioned above that the one in which our Trio investigates the flood coming from Myrtle’s bathroom as the origin of all the many scenes in that particular bathroom, this one predates even that.  It also serves as the scene which brings our Trio together in the first place.  After Harry and Ron risk life and limb to save her, Hermione lies to the teachers (for reasons unclear as her story is actually worse for everyone involved than the truth would have been) in an effort to repay them.  And while the skill level displayed during the battle against the troll falls far short of what Harry and Draco demonstrated during their duel, there is a certain joy that comes from seeing a trio of eleven year old kids with only the most rudimentary of skills clawing their way to a win.  Huge bonus points for sticking a wand up the troll’s nose.  Additional props for the fact that out of all of them, it was Ron who showed the presence of mind to actually use a wand.  Ron actually has a surprising number of strong showings throughout the bathroom scenes, which makes me wonder if maybe that’s just his home turf.  I tend to get most of my best ideas either in the shower or on the porcelain throne, perhaps Ron too experiences that unique level of insight and wisdom that can only be found in the loo.

1.  Harry, Ron, and Lockhart Enter the Chamber of Secrets (CoS)

Given that the Chamber of Secrets is the fixed point around which so many of the bathroom scenes orbit, this pretty much has to take the top spot.  And really, this one is almost cheating because it combines two huge events.  Obviously, entering the Chamber is the main one but even before that, Myrtle’s account of her own death is a critical revelation for our story.  We find further proof that Hermione’s Basilisk theory was indeed correct, proof of Harry’s theory that Myrtle was the girl who died in the bathroom, and proof supporting Ron’s joking and rather mean-spirited (pun intended) guess that Riddle got his award for killing Myrtle, all in one brief narration.  Great looks all around for our trio, even if Ron’s was a complete accident.  There’s also a fun little bit of irony during her story where she gets indignant about the fact that she had heard a boy’s voice in the girls’ bathroom but is of course voicing her indignation to three boys in the girls’ bathroom while taking a break from her own covert journeys into the Prefects’ bathroom to spy on various bathing boys.  Then of course, there’s the act of opening and entering the belly of the beast.  Our heroes performed a lot of brave and even reckless activities throughout the series, but voluntarily choosing to battle a monster which you can’t even look at without being paralyzed in a place where it has home field advantage has to rank near the top of the list.  They embarked on a variety of suicide missions in later books but at least they were more adept at magic by then.  At this point, Ron has a broken wand (and apparently the wizarding world doesn’t have a little blue pill to take care of that particular problem) and Harry hasn’t even mastered Expelliarmus yet.  Oh, and they’re missing the brains of the bunch who also happens to be the most skilled at wandwork and, instead, replaced her with someone whose only talents are smiling, performing Memory Charms on far better wizards, and taking credit for their accomplishments.  In order to have even a fighting chance against a Basilisk, you really need to be operating under pretty much ideal circumstances.  It’s like when you’re going after a Legendary Pokemon, you load up on Ultra Balls and save the game before you start the battle.  Harry and Ron went in with one Pokeball and no recent save file.  I would say that takes balls, but in the analogy I just used, it in fact displays a problematic lack of balls.  It’s a damn good thing for everyone that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.  Because without Fawkes and the Sword of Gryffindor, this series would have been five books shorter and far darker.  It is important to note here that I don’t consider the Chamber of Secrets itself to be part of the bathroom.  This is obviously a critical distinction for such a solemn list.  But the combination of Myrtle’s story, the thrill of discovery regarding the entrance to the Chamber, the sheer bravery of Harry and Ron to forge ahead in spite of the odds, and the fact that an entire book’s worth of crescendoing bathroom scenes built up to this exact moment, still puts this one in the top spot.  It takes the throne, which is exactly what every bathroom scene aspires to do.