After ‘Interlude 4: PPC-HQ, Nouvelle Calédonie’
With the TARDIS safely in flight, the Agent turned to the Disentangler. “Really?” he demanded. ‘We figured you might not recognise us, as we both recently regenerated’?”
The Disentangler shrugged. “Would you have rather I waited for him to notice this?” She held up the paper bag. “Because that’s not a conversation I was interested in having!”
The Agent snorted. “I doubt he would have known what it was. You know how Tawaki is.”
In response, the Disentangler turned the bag so that the logo was facing him. “You forget where we work,” she said. “Legal would have a fit if C.A. Milverton’s was actually discreet, with a slogan like that.”
The Agent looked at the lurid pink bag, with its neon yellow caption: ‘MILVERTON’S - For All Your Discreet, Personal NEEDS’. “... you have a point,” he admitted. “But I still think he wouldn’t have a clue what it meant.”
The Disentangler reached into the bag and pulled out a bottle of SpirkTM Brand Not-So-Dubious Lube. “Really?” she asked. “Really? You remember he’s sleeping with Tadkeeta, right?”
“I’m not convinced of that,” the Agent protested. “You know how they are about religion - I wouldn’t put it past them to be ‘saving it for marriage’.”
“You might be right,” the Disentangler allowed. “But still, after this long in the PPC...”
“Maybe,” the Agent said with a shrug. “Of course, it wouldn’t have even been an issue if you didn’t insist on restocking every time we regenerated.”
“Oh, here we go…!”
After ‘PPC Intro: Regenerations’
“Wait.” The Sixth Disentangler held up a hand. “Wait-wait-wait. When you say you ‘like this new mouth’, do you mean you like this new mouth, or that you like this new mouth?”
The Agent stared at her. “... run that by me again?”
“Well, you could just be saying you like the new mouth, but you might be telling me you like my new mouth, as it were.” She cocked her head, waiting for a reaction, but the Agent just stared blankly.
“I mean,” the Disentangler went on with a shrug, “my mouth is my mouth, right? Even after I’ve regenerated? But you haven’t, so even if you like my new mouth, you might not like my new mouth. If you see what I mean.”
“I. Um. Lachesis, are you aware that you’re just rambling now?”
The Disentangler snorted. “Maybe if someone hadn’t decided to keep me from my well-earned post-regeneration nap-”
“That was not my fault. You don’t expect me to go on a mission with no sleep, do you?”
“Well, I don’t know what I expect, Adil!” The Disentangler tossed her hair, which flung her newly-blonde hair in front of her eyes. Grimacing, she grabbed a pencil from the TARDIS console and threw together a hasty bun. “Right, sorry about that. Where was I?”
“Shouting at me that you don’t know what to expect,” the Agent supplied.
“Oh, yeah, thanks. Ahem: you didn’t regenerate this time! Who knows how our personalities will clash. We might hate each other! And you certainly didn’t respond when I tried to flirt with you-”
“Hang on, that was flirting?” the Agent cut in. “I thought you were just talking nonsense.”
The Disentangler scowled, and spat a wisp of regeneration energy towards the floor. “Mouth. Like. Me. You. What was difficult about that?”
“Everything,” the Agent said. “But I think I get it now.” He stood up, took the few steps that separated him from his partner, and kissed her firmly on the lips.
The Disentangler responded hungrily - and rather more energetically than her previous self would have. Her arms locked around the Agent, and she leant in against him. When they finally broke apart, she ran her tongue thoughtfully across her lips.
“Hmm,” she said. “New teeth. That’s weird.”
Before ‘A Girl Out of Time’ and ‘Generic Surface’
“I can’t believe you lost my sonic pen.”
“Your pen?” the Disentangler repeated, stopping in the middle of the corridor and turning to stare at the Agent. “That was my pen, Adil. I won it off you fair and square.”
“I find that hard to believe,” the Agent replied, folding his arms. “You just lost to an elf, Lachesis. At poker. You know, the game they actually don’t have in Middle-earth?”
“Don’t remind me,” the Disentangler grumbled. “I bet her partner’s a real card snark, taught her how to cheat and everything.”
The Disentangler waved a hand dismissively. “It’s a boojum,” she said. “You know what I mean.”
“I suppose.” The Agent looked her up and down. “But I still can’t believe you lost to her after beating me.”
“Believe it, Adil,” the Disentangler sniffed. “It’s a verifiable fact.”
“A verifiable fluke, you mean,” the Agent retorted. “Clearly New You is just rubbish at poker, and I simply had an off-day.”
“Just keep telling yourself that,” the Disentangler said with a smirk. “Or are you angling for another thrashing?”
“What would be the point? You’ve already lost my sonic pen.”
The Disentangler thought for a moment. “Strip poker?” she suggested.
The Agent looked her up and down, his eyes narrowing. “... with forfeits?”
“You’re on,” the Disentangler agreed. “You get the cards; I’ll set up the table.” And off she marched in the direction of their TARDIS.”
During ‘A Girl Out of Time’
“...bloody useless partner eating me out of house and home.”
“Your home got destroyed, your house is technically a space-and-timeship, and I would actually like to do that,” replied the Agent.
Oh, I bet you would, the Disentangler thought at him. Not what you said last night, though, is it, Mister I’m-Too-Busy-Right-Now?
I was trying to stop the TARDIS exploding, the Agent replied. I know metaphorical ‘ka-blams’ are a good thing, but real ones? Not so much.
It would have been fine, the Disentangler thought dismissively. And even if it wouldn’t, you’ve had ample time to make up for it.
What, right here? the Agent retorted, and slipped her an extremely graphic mental image of the pair of them right there on the floor.
The Disentangler flushed several different shades of red. “Shut up,” she hissed. Her partner flashed her a cheeky smile, and updated the image to include horrified caricatures of Christianne and Eledhwen.
I bet they’d be delighted to watch the fic while I ‘made up for it’, he thought at her.
The Disentangler threw a mental rock at the image, shattering it and sending the shards everywhere. She plucked one out of the space between their minds and pasted it into a new scene - their TARDIS, with her leaning back against the console, and the Agent kneeling between her legs.
Decent, the Agent agreed, flicking a little motion into the scene, but why did you leave your top on?
You left all your clothes on, the Disentangler retorted, adding a huge fur coat to her image’s ensemble. It seemed only fair.
Well, I was in a hurry, the Agent thought. I didn’t want you to get too frustrated.
“Are you two married?” wondered Eledhwen.
“By that, she means ‘have the two of you had sex’,” added Christianne. The Time Lords looked at each other, and burst into peals of mental laughter.
During ‘Generic Surface: Deleted Scenes’
“Well, the motto for most patrons of the Cafeteria is ‘eat the food before it eats you’,” pointed out the Disentangler, “so yes, that wouldn’t be far from the case.”
Under the table, she felt a hand touch her knee, and turned her head to look at the Agent. You’re getting ideas, Adil - I can tell, she thought at him.
Not my fault you keep talking dirty, the Agent retorted.
I never did!
‘Eat it before it eats you’? You’re telling me that’s not innuendo?
Well… not when we’re at a party, the Disentangler thought with a hint of regret. Then she tuned back into what the Doctor was saying.
“Clara… I don’t know how to put it, but… she died.”
“What?” hissed the Disentangler. That was ridiculous - she was right there.
“Yeah. She died twice, actually.”
“What?” demanded the Agent, and threw a thought at the Disentangler: Are we looking at a Canon Sue here?
I hope not, the Disentangler returned grimly. She-
“And one of those times she got converted into a Dalek a year before.”
“What?!” the Disentangler and the Agent exclaimed as one - and in concert with Morgan and the Fisherman, too.
“That’s what I thought, too! Impossible! She shouldn’t be possible – and yet here she is, beating Omicron at Cluedo.”
She must be a Sue, the Disentangler thought at her partner. That’s an absolutely classic sign.
It doesn’t matter if she is, the Agent said unwillingly. If she’s a Canon Sue, she’s out of our jurisdiction. And… He trailed off, looking uncomfortable.
And what? This is Theta Sigma we’re talking about, Adil - I’m not going to just let him get ensnared if I can do something.
And, the Agent said reluctantly, I should never have said it to start with. You know we don’t judge characters by their traits.
No, we look at how they’re written, the Disentangler agreed. But even so…
Even so nothing, the Agent thought. I mean, imagine if we looked at you that way. Immortal, but young and beautiful - owns a time machine which she can talk to and get replies from - sleeping with the hottest guy around-
Not if he keeps making fun of me, I’m not! The Disentangler tossed her hair, then reached back to adjust her new paper umbrella decoration. Next thing you know you’ll be trying to paint me as some kind of nymphomaniac.
Aren’t you? the Agent asked, squeezing her leg under the cover of the table.
The Disentangler snorted - then reached down and moved his hand further up her thigh. That, she thought at him, is entirely beside the point.
During ‘Continuity: Gallifrey Bickers’
“Green’s online,” said Morgan’s voice over the communications system. “Blue?”
“Sapphire Watcher standing by,” reported the Disentangler, flicking on one of the stabilisers and nodding to the Agent.
“Pink?” Morgan asked. The Agent scowled, ran his hand down a line of switches, and leant in towards the mike.
“I’m here,” he said, “and it’s purple.”
“Keep telling yourself that, Pink,” Morgan chuckled. “Red?”
“It’s purple!” the Agent protested, and turned to glower at the Disentangler. “Why won’t she listen?”
“Probably because it’s absolutely pink,” the Disentangler pointed out, glancing at the monitor. “This isn’t a temporal fold - it’s a temporal screwed-up-bit-of-paper! How am I supposed to work with this?”
“Switch the reticulator to setting five,” the Agent suggested. “And stop claiming it’s pink! Amethyst is purple.”
“And your costume is pink,” the Disentangler said cheerfully. “You’re clearly turning into a Mary-Sue. Soon you’ll be a buxom redhead out to ensnare the Doctor with your incredible wit.”
“The worst part of that would be being ginger,” the Agent groaned.
The Disentangler snorted, making her final checks of the console. “Really? That’s the worst part?”
“Weeeeell…” The Agent considered. “I suppose there’s the fact that if I were a woman, you wouldn’t be interested in me any more.”
“Yes, that’s right,” the Disentangler agreed, deadpan. “I’m only into you for your-”
“Let’s get pulling!” Morgan’s voice shouted over the comms. “Hold on, it's going to be a bumpy riiiiii-”
The Disentangler took a final look at the screen and threw a lever. The TARDIS’ column shuddered into motion, and the whole console room lurched to the side. The Disentangler was holding on tight enough; the Agent wasn’t, and tumbled straight into her. The Disentangler snapped an arm around him just in time to keep him from hitting the floor.
“Thanks,” the Agent gasped. “So are you really only interested in-?”
“No,” the Disentangler admitted, and kissed him quickly on the lips. “I also love you for your piloting skills - so help, Adil!”
“I’d love to,” the Agent replied, steadying himself against the console, “but I’ve just seen what’s behind you. Dalek Sue, inbound!”
The Disentanger glanced over her shoulder at the hideous abomination, then had to throw herself to the floor to dodge a (fortunately underpowered) energy beam.
“There are Sues on board and they’re fighting back!” the Agent shouted into the mike, ducking behind the time rotor. “I’m not sure I can hold a steady course and deal with them at the same time!”
Disclaimer: The Protectors of the Plot Continuum is the creation of Jay and Acacia. The Agent and the Disentangler were created by Tawaki and are now written by Lily Winterwood, and are used with permission. All excerpts from previous stories belong to their authors. All canonical elements are the property of their respective creators. This story is defined as ‘canon-friendly agentshipping’ - the events are possible (‘canon-friendly’), but not determined to be either canonical or uncanonical.