Looking For Yourself

Claire Chung

“Adeline,” Mr. Christon said.

She was too absorbed to the green grass field outside the window to hear the call from her teacher.

“Adeline!” Mr. Christon called again, starting to lose his patience.

She was more interested in watching a flock of sparrows wing its way through the blue sky than seeing the irritated face of her science teacher.

Then there was a light but firm tap on Adeline’s shoulder that brought her back to the reality.

Adeline turned around, mouthed a “thanks” to her best friend Melissa, and began to stare at the teacher until she realized why her teacher had called her name. It was her presentation day.

Adeline pulled out her bright purple poster she had been working so hard on last night and unrolled it. It was then when she saw the center of her poster that made her scream and lose her balance on the small wooden chair.

“AHHHH!”

BAM!

There was muffled laughter.

The biggest, stickiest, shiniest dinosaur sticker covered almost half of her poster, which was everything she worked on last night.

“Anything wrong, Adeline?” The science teacher asked, glaring out through the silver frame of his glasses.

“Um..yeah...I don’t think I’m ready today?” Adeline lied back as she climbed back up her chair with trembling hands.

“Alright, 10 points off your grade first, and that makes an A minus.” Mr. Christon said, writing a ugly “-10” on his gradebook. A few people snickered again.

Never, never in Adeline’s life had she been embarrassed by her grades! She felt her face as red as a tomato, and tears blurring her vision. Oh, how she wished that the gray floor beneath her can swallow her up where nobody will ever see her again!

Stop it, silly, it is not possible for the floor to open up and swallow you. Think! Who did this? She heard the voice inside her say.

Adeline peeked at her ruined poster again.

Dan loves dinosaurs. She heard the voice inside her say again. Then, it stuck Adeline that her young brother Daniel Cassidy is responsible for all this mess.

Adeline arrived home that day still as angry as a hungry lion, kicked every stone she sees into the sewer, and stepped on every crunchy autumn leaf on the street. 6-year-old Dan was smart enough to learn that his sister is not in a good mood today by hearing the slamming of the heavy metal door that seemed to shake the entire house, so he sauntered into his room, locked the door, sat on his bed, and started to think.

 That morning before school, Dan had woken up at 6 and walked randomly around the house, back and forth the corridor he went, brushing his hand against the finely painted blue wall.

As his eyes scanned everything, he especially noticed the poster he saw Adeline working so hard on last night sticking out from her backpack. Without even thinking, he pulled it out and managed to admire the pictures and inspect the mixed up alphabets under the dim light.

Dan had always longed for impressing his sister. His mind raced and searched for ideas to make this poster the best he can do to help.

Stickers. Decorations. Glitters. Dinosaurs.

It took him time to find the biggest, stickiest, shiniest, and coolest dinosaur sticker. Little did he know that this huge piece of paper is not for scribbling. Quickly, he did his best to stick the dinosaur on, used a permanent marker to decorate the border, and held it high so that he can take a better look.

What he saw didn’t impress him. He still could remember the look of the poster from now. The permanent marker uglified the entire poster, like a snail crawling on a wonderfully baked cake. The sticker’s edges ripped the poster, with paper fiber sticking out from the edge.  Looks horrible, he thought, really, it does.

As fast as he could, Dan tucked the poster back to its original place.

Dan’s thoughts had been interrupted by the banging outside his bedroom. Unreluctantly, he walked as slow as he could to go open it.

Standing outside his bedroom, his sister Adeline, with a bobby pin clipping up her hair, looking as bright and organized as before, frowned as Dan unlocked the door.

“Why did you lock the door?” Adeline asked.

“Why can’t I?” Dan replied as casual as he tried to be, trying to hide the nervousness inside him.

 “Did you do anything to my poster?” Adeline asked carefully, trying to hide her anger.

Dan’s head, that was always hung up, started to lower down. He stared at the floor. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I meant to help.” Dan forced out a small and squeaky voice.

“I could tell that you did from the beginning. You ruined it! Ruined everything I had! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” Adeline stomped as she stormed back to her bedroom.

Those words pierced into Dan’s mind like a sword. A tear dropped out of his eyes. Then another. Then another. Before he even knew, he started to cry.

You ruined it! Ruined everything I had! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! Those words kept echoing in his mind. He cried harder.

Sometimes adults don’t understand what their children are up to. Sometimes adults don’t know what to do. Sometimes they just sit there and wait for a problem that needs their help to be solved. They know it isn’t possible, but sometimes, help is really needed.

Sarah Russell Cassidy, mother of Adeline and Dan Cassidy, gasped as she read an interesting fact in the article Trends in Plant Science. She had been enjoying her entire afternoon in the house, reading books or writing journals, without any bother from her kids.

It was the crythat made Mrs. Cassidy snap out from her relaxation. She quickly raced down the stairs, and was just in time to see Adeline stomp back to her bedroom. Seeing tears dripping out from Dan’s eyes like a broken faucet, she frowned and cleared her throat.

“Adeline Cassidy, come back and tell me what have to done to your little brother that made him cry.” Mrs. Cassidy commanded.

Adeline walked back out with a grumpy face. “He ruined my poster. Got 10 points off my grade.”

“You should’ve taken more care of that poster of yours. Dan wouldn’t do such a thing if you placed it neatly in where it belongs. Right, Dan? I know you didn’t mean to do it. That was probably just an accident. Now, shake hands and give each other a big warm hug.” Mrs. Cassidy said, and expecting them to give each other a hug and forgive each other.

“Accident? Mom, seriously? I placed my poster, even rolled it up, in my backpack! Who knows that this stupid brother will go messing up my backpack and scribbling on my poster I worked so hard on? Why is everything my fault? Didn’t Dan do anything wrong?”

Mrs. Cassidy was surprised by Adeline’s action to talk against her. She tried to talk in a softer tone.

“Dan’s way younger than you. You have to understand that, Adeline. Stand in his shoes, will you want an older sibling of yours yell at you because you didn’t know the importance of the poster to them?”

“You haven’t got the point, mom. Now, stand in my shoes, will you want your poster you worked so hard on last night to be ruined by a younger sibling, and the next day you get 10 points off your grade, and then every blame is on you? That was the worst explanation I ever heard. I’m going to shut up my mouth until you go blame something on your precious Dan. I’ve had enough.” Adeline said as she slammed the door of her bedroom. Click, she locked the door.

“Alright then,” Mrs. Cassidy stammered, “Dan, go wipe your tears, it’s fine, just make sure not to do anything to Adeline’s assignments, understand?”

Dan nodded and sniffed.

Mrs. Cassidy fell into deep thought as soon as she stumbled back up to her room. Had I done something wrong that made Adeline so upset? What did Adeline misunderstand about my actions?

        That night, the three people fell into a broken, and uneasy sleep.

Adeline woke up as soon as she heard the birds chirping outside her window. Still angry from yesterday’s incident, she got dressed, and walked out her bedroom, ready for school.

7:30 A.M. The entire house was still so quiet that she could hear the clock ticking, nonstop. Rapidly, she grabbed a piece of toast and a bottle of apple juice and headed for the door.

Today’s really different, she thought to herself as an old man jogged past her. The streets didn’t seem as busy as before. The strangest thing is that people look sideways at her as they walk past. Adeline checked her hair, her outfit, her backpack, to see if anything’s not right. Everything’s in place, she thought, probably they’re just looking for other things. Without even thinking more carefully, she kept walking.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Cassidy woke up with a startle when she heard a loud slam of the door. Still in pajamas, she ran downstairs, almost tripping over a step, and ran to Adeline’s door to check if it’s still locked.

Unexpectedly, the door is open, but the bed is empty. Mrs. Cassidy flipped the covers, looked under the bed, checked the bathroom, and even opened the closet. No sign of Adeline.

“Adeline!” Mrs. Cassidy shouted over and over.

Still no sign of Adeline.

With trembling hands, Mrs. Cassidy opened her cellphone and dialed Adeline’s phone number, almost sure that Adeline wouldn’t reply to her call.

Adeline was still on her way to school when her phone started to ring.

Mom, it wrote.

Still, she accepted the call, willing to learn why the street is in slow motion today.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s mom. Where are you?” came a nervous voice.

“On my way to school, duhh…” Adeline answered.

“Adeline Cassidy, today’s Saturday!” the voice suddenly shouted.

        “Really? Okay, I’ll be back in 5 more minutes.” With that, Adeline hung up.

        She giggled as she turned back towards home. Why hadn’t she noticed it when she left?

The morning breeze somehow blew away her anger. No longer is Adeline angry about her mom, or her brother, or her science poster.

        As she skipped home, Adeline saw her mom standing right outside the door, waving frantically at her.

        “Adeline, you scared me! I was so nervous about you! How about a walk today, Adeline? Just us, no one else. Dan is building another dinosaur model.” Mom asked carefully, not wanting to make her daughter angry again.

        Adeline considered that for a while. “Sure,” she replied.

“Mom, why do you always seem to treat Dan better and never blame anything on him?” Adeline asked as they were walking in the park.

         “Oh really, I do? Who got to watch The Lion King in Broadway?

        “Me.”

        “Whom did I bring with me to Disneyland?”

        “Me.”

        “Who can listen to a story every night before she goes to sleep?

        “Me.”

        “When you were born, you received a lot more care than Dan did since you were the only child of the family. You were forgiven for everything you did wrong. Remember one time when you threw my cellphone into the underground sewer? I never got angry at you. Forgiving others is like walking from a damp cellar out to the widest green grass field. It is like looking at a rose from the top, bottom, left, and right where each view is the prettiest while it lasts. It is when you really get to where you realize the real you.”

        Adeline nodded. I guess I’ll forgive Dan this time, she thought to herself.

Adeline came home with a big smile hanging on her face. Not only that it was her birthday, she had just gotten an A for her new science poster. “5 extra bonuses for creativity,” Mr. Christon had said.

        That was the first thing she saw as soon as she entered the door. The large banner that was taped on the wall, decorated with crayon and markers, wrote,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ADELINE

The second thing Adeline saw was the floor. Scattered with all types of tools, Adeline was very careful not to step on scissors when she hopped through the pile of mess. It was quite obvious that Dan had taken her dictionary, her box of crayons and markers, and torn pages off her sketchbook.

But this time, no longer did Adeline care.

The third thing Adeline saw was the messy haired boy race out from his bedroom, dodge through the mess, and throw his arms around his sister.

Without even thinking, Adeline hugged back.

“You’re the best brother I’ve ever got,” Adeline whispered in his ear.

“I better be!” he replied, with the largest smile spreading across his face.

At that time, Adeline felt like the happiest person in the world.