Dimension 20 Season 23
Misfits and Magic Season 2
Starring: Aabria Iyengar as Game Master;
Erika Ishii as K; Danielle Radford as Sam Black;
Lou Wilson as Jammer Jammer; and Brennan Lee Mulligan as Evan Kelmp
Episode 1: A Meeting of Misfits
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Aabria: A list of the topics, themes, and subject matter featured in this episode has been included in the description.
[logo whooshes magically]
[enchanting music plays while the intro shows art of the main characters]
Aabria: Hello, one and all, and welcome back. It is my absolute pleasure to welcome you not just back to "Dimension 20”, but back to our misfits and our magic for season two of "Misfits and Magic"! I am your game runner, your dungeon master, your headmistress, Aabria Iyengar, and with me once again are my magical misfits. Say hi, Magical Misfits!
Players: Hi, Magical Misfits!
Aabria: Oh my god, that feels good. We're back, baby.
Erika: We're back!
Brennan: Hell yeah!
Lou: Finally.
Brennan: Woo!
Aabria: It's been three years, and it hasn't just been three years for all of us. In the world, our world, it has been three years since the events that we last left off with. The Lulling, our holiday moment halfway through your seventh and final year at the Gowpenny Academy, and a lot has changed. Your epilogues spoke to community, spoke to sharing the truth of the nature of magic with the wide world of NAMPs. Still feels bad to say. And in the intervening time, a couple things have happened. At first, no one believed you. No one believed the leaks, the PDFs that were spread, this strange truth that feels like a fad on TikTok, that anyone was capable of magic if they just tried, if they read a little book, if they made a little wand. No one was pulling it off, and then eventually, a couple people figured something out. People started to believe it, and more and more people figured out how to do small bits, cantrips, party tricks, but it was true. Magic was real, and anyone could do it, and there was a segment of the population, hidden, that always knew that. And then something incredible happened a year and a half in, and magic broke. Now, for the regular people in the world, the NAMPs, non-active magical persons, this is an unremarked moment. Nothing changed. Magic was always hard to pull off. It was chaotic, it wasn't understood. But for the wizards of this world, for the people that were raised inside of this, nothing was reliable. All of their lives sheltered away were for naught, because magic could no longer support their admittedly overly whimsical society. So things started to fall apart, and our pilot program, the proof of concept at Gowpenny, moved back. You graduated, or left and never returned, and lived your lives.
Before we get started, I do want to talk a little bit about our system. We are using Kids On Brooms, but you know me, I always have to add a little — a little funk, a little spin on it, so let's talk about the new mechanics. Ooh! [Brennan holds up his character track board.] So, first things first. We've done a little bit of a rename. Misfits, magic. I've renamed everything and gave them M's. So now when you hear Melee, we're talking about Fight. Maneuver, Mind, Matter, Magnetism, and Mettle are our original six, and we've added a secret 7th, Mark. This is, for those of you that are familiar with Dungeons and Dragons, an equivalent to Perception or Insight, that idea of thin slicing and getting data and trying to clock something in the moment new information's being given, and we're differentiating that from Mind, our brain stat, because that's about processing and putting things together. So you all have a Notice roll now.
We have done away with the common fucking sense die. I'm so sorry, but you are now in and of the real world, and things make as much sense as the real world does, so I'm not going to give you extra bonuses, because you're not just doing silly little wizard shit now. However, your Magic die still exists. Before, that was a d4 that you would add whenever you're attempting overt magic. We're going to add a little spice. We're going to get a little funky. Someone made a season and integrated a bit of a die ladder thing, and I am nothing if not a copier. So I took Brennan's homework, changed it a little bit, and now your Magic die is a ladder. So whenever you roll what we know to be a Lucky Break or an Explosion, instead of rerolling the same die and adding it to your die total to beat my difficulty check, you're going to actually step up to the next die type and keep going. You can move your Magic die from a d4 all the way up to a d20, and then something very fun happens. But I guess we can talk about that when we get to it.
Brennan: I love when something fun happens.
Danielle: I really like when something fun happens.
Lou: Fun stuff is fun.
Brennan: Fun stuff is fun.
Lou holds up and sniffs his track board.
Aabria: I love momentum, so we're going to lean into that. Another M word! We're also adding a Motive. There's an idea of yourself, and because we've jumped three years into the future, you all are around 20 to 21. You're just at that age where you're exiting the traditional understanding of childhood, and you're deciding who you want to be. Nothing is calcified in you, but you have a sense, a word, a thought, of what you want to chase down. So I had you all pick a word before. I know them here. We'll address them within the narrative. And when you reach meaningfully toward your ideal, your Motive, or meaningfully away from it, you'll move across your track. Those of you that watched "A Court of Fey & Flowers," this is a little bit like our Reputation track. I like doing stuff that I've done before. And we'll have mechanical benefits-
Brennan: [holding up his track board] Are we sure about that? This feels very-
Aabria: This feels totally normal, and I don't know what you're talking about, and I do wish I knew what it smelled like, so bad. It's all I can think about.
Lou: Hey, after!
Aabria: After! I thought I was going to get another chance! I’m like, I'll give you a Mote of Magic.
Lou: Wait, a full mote?
Brennan: A campfire log the morning after, covered with a little bit of dew.
Aabria: Okay, now I feel like you're showing off, and I want you to have one less token.
Brennan: Great, I have zero. [croaks, mimics vomiting]
Aabria: Remember, you all begin every session with two Motes of Magic.
Lou: Oh!
Erika: Oh! Except now Brennan has one.
Aabria: Except now, Brennan has one. [Brennan throws aside one Mote.] Oh, he's going to live by it. I was just going to forget. Anytime you fail a roll or attempt magic, you will add a Mote of Magic to your pile as you build momentum, as possibility swells within you. That sounded grosser than I meant it to.
Lou: No, it swells within me.
Erika: Oh, yes.
Lou: Deep within me.
Brennan: Oh yeah.
Erika: Swollen with magic.
Aabria: Yeah.
Lou: Towards the center of my body, you know?
Brennan: Oh yeah.
Danielle: Turgid.
Aabria: Oh no!
Erika: That was it.
Danielle: That's it.
Aabria: Our last new mechanic is a reflection of the growing stakes of this world. Normally, Kids on Brooms doesn't care that much about harm and doing damage and altercations, but I want the ability to hit you, so you all have a Mangle track. You have harm-
Brennan: [aghast] Mangle track!
Aabria: I needed an M word, and really, I was just so tired of being on thesaurus.com. So you have a harm track, and death is on the table. If your character dies, we'll get into those mechanics, but they have been built, so be bold. You'll be okay. It's an adventure story.
Lou: Hey, do you want to smell my board now?
Aabria: I do!
Lou: Really, please. [hands track board to Aabria]
Aabria: Take two tokens.
Lou: Something about talking about death mechanics-
Aabria: Oh, it does smell really good.
Lou: Yeah, there it is.
Aabria: Yeah, you can have two.
Lou: Oh, two!
Aabria: Two motes.
Lou: These are keeping me alive right now. Okay, right? These are going to be between me and death. It's going to come down to these two motes. We're going to look back at this moment.
Aabria: We are back. We know what we're doing, for the most part, so let's begin as we did three years ago, with a little “where are you now?” And where better to start than with Whitney Jammer? Mr. Jammer.
Lou: Yes?
Aabria: You are in Chicago, Illinois. You are a college student.
Lou: Mm-hm.
Aabria: Basketball player?
Lou: Of course!
Aabria: At Roosevelt University?
Lou: Go Lakers!
Aabria: Proudly repping —
Lou: Of course!
Aabria: — the green and white.
Lou: Mm-hm!
Aabria: You've had a good time. You left Gowpenny after the events of the holiday special and did not return to graduate.
Lou: The kind of whole thing around them —
Aabria: Mm-hm?
Lou: — not letting us leave kind of made me go, I don't know if I can stay at a place where my ability to come and go is not under my control.
Aabria: Interesting, interesting. That's a good note. Well, you left, you made it to Roosevelt, and you've had a successful and flourishing career as a basketball player. You're close to home, and things are going well. So let's take a little look at that as your team has recently completed what is normally just sort of like a charity day that lots of sports do, to do little public ops.
Lou: Yeah.
Aabria: Reaching out to the community.
Lou: Of course.
Aabria: At a after-school center in the south side of Chicago called LEEP, Let's Explore Every Possibility. It is for sort of inner city youth ages 6 to 14 and tries to cover all of the bases. It makes sure that they have places to study and access to tutors and arts and extracurriculars, and because of the events of the last three years, a little bit of study of magic.
Lou: Yeah.
Aabria: And I think that's where you've really shined and leaned in.
Lou: Mm-hm.
Aabria: And though it was normally Roosevelt's idea to show up maybe once a month with a camera crew or two and use it for fodder for the website's blog, you've spent time here, and as everything wraps up and the majority of your teammates leave, Jewel runs up to you. Jewel Moran is a middle-aged, sort of wiry Panamanian woman with long curls and that level of no gray hair that you know is artificial.
Lou: Mm-hm.
Aabria: The hair is too jet black.
Lou: Oh, we all know that color.
Aabria: Yeah, she's just at the edge of crow's feet, and you're like, I should be seeing more here.
Lou: But it is glistening.
Aabria: It's glistening! And she runs up to you. She's wearing an oversized
LEEP shirt, tied, splattered with finger paint and applesauce. There's probably just a child sort of attached to her ankle that she's dragging, and just comes over and goes...
Jammer: Jewel, what's going on?
Jewel: [panting] Jammer! Hi! This is-
Jammer: Hey.
Jewel: It's so nice that you make the time and bring the team. You know, the kids love you. This has been so great.
Jammer: Well, it's good for the guys, 'cause I think sometimes when we're in the gym, things get a little intense.
Jewel: Yeah!
Jammer: So here, it's all play, you know? It's like streetball kind of stuff, you know?
Jewel: Streetball!
Jammer: Thank you, honestly, for giving us the opportunity.
Jewel: You're so — you’re so sweet.
Aabria: She gives you a little pat on the cheek.
Jammer: Oh, stop.
Aabria: Reaches up to you.
Jewel: I just wanted to… I just wanted to ask if there was anything we could do for you? I know that seems really weird, it's just, we're just really happy you're here, and I know spring break's coming up, and then it's the summer, and I don't want to presume on your time. I know you're very busy. But if there's anything we could offer, like, I don't know, a summer job? I don't know how your school works, if you can have work.
Jammer: I think so. That's… Jewel, that's so kind of you. You know, I've been kind of in it with the season. So I haven't really been —
Jewel: Yeah!
Jammer: — thinking about bigger stuff, but-
Jewel: Oh sure, I understand. Don't worry about it.
Jammer: No, but that could be cool! That could be cool! It could be fun to come here. I mean, this is pretty close to home. You know, it's like two train stops, so that honestly sounds kind of… That doesn't sound bad at all.
Jewel: Really?
Jammer: Yeah, easy. Easy. What do you need me to sign?
Jewel: You know what, I could find something. You don't have to sign anything, it's okay.
Jammer: [reaching down to the child clinging to Jewel] Hey, little man! Little man!
Boog: Yeah?
Jammer: Hey, what's going on, dude? What's going on?
Aabria: There's just a little kid. You know he goes by Boog.
Lou: Yeah.
Aabria: He's just got a really strong allergy problem, and has a little crusty part of his little LEEP shirt that he constantly is wiping his nose out on. His name's Greg.
Lou: Yeah.
Boog: Hey.
Jammer: Boog, Boog.
Boog: Yeah!
Lou: I'm going to reach down in my backpack.
Boog: No!
Lou: Into my duffel bag.
Boog: Don't put me down!
Aabria: Are you holding him?
Lou: I'm going to hold him in one hand.
Aabria: One hand. He's under you like a football.
Lou: Exactly.
Aabria: Great.
Lou: Grab out Spalding and say,
Jammer: Hey, hey!
Boog: Yeah?
Jammer: Go get 'em!
Lou: And I'm going to throw it, and Spalding knows the drill. Spalding just keeps rolling.
Jammer: Don't come back, Spalding, until Boog is tired.
Aabria: Boog—you can feel the moment Spalding goes out. This is not the first time.
Lou: Of course not.
Aabria: This is a perfect diversion tactic. You can actually feel, like a dog that's ready to be let off a leash, he is just sort of jerking under your arm and is like,
Boog: [eagerly] Let me go!
Jammer: All right, all right!
Boog: Yeah!
Aabria: And just takes off, and he is going under other teammates' legs and crawling under… He will not come back, ever, until Spalding says something. It's beautiful. It's a lovely moment. You see some of your teammates you have around you. Aaron Brooks-Park, who, along with you, is a captain. Sort of court captain versus — He's a senior. He's your power forward. So he has the sort of captaincy by seniority, but because you are the point guard, everyone looks to you.
Lou: Mm-hm.
Aabria: And he kind of gives you a little nod and looks at Spalding. Gives you another little nod. I have a question for you.
Lou: Yes.
Aabria: Do your teammates know your sort of backstory, your affiliation with magic?
Lou: That I went to a magical school…
Aabria: Yeah! Did you tell anyone?
Lou: I think I've talked about it. I think that I get clowned a lot whenever I talk about it. I don't think I'm like, "I fought a giant half bear creature," and people are like, "Yeah, really? That's cool." But I think that the vast majority of my adventures that I went on with my fellow NAMPs I think have been kind of… I don't think there is a lot of talk about it. I don't think it's-
Aabria: Okay.
Lou: It doesn't get me anything. It mostly gets me made fun of. So I think I stopped. I now have a magical basketball that I tell people I got on Temu and is AI, 'cause it's straight-up easier. It's way easier.
Aabria: Amazing.
Lou: Saves us two hours of me trying to explain how I got a magical basketball.
Aabria: So you set Spalding down and roll it. After about 30 seconds of defying physics, you make eye contact with Aaron. Can you just give me a Magnetism roll?
Lou: You got it.
Aabria: Let's call it difficulty of 6.
Lou: Ah! Well, here we go. That's a 4, and I'll spend two-
Aabria: Are you going to spend tokens?
Lou: Why not? It's the beginning! Let's succeed! Let's start this campaign off on the right foot!
Aabria: Amazing.
Lou: We pass.
Aabria: With a 6, you see Aaron sort of appraising you and Spalding, and then there's just a little more eye contact. He's going to slide up to you after a while and be like,
Aaron: Hey, you.
Jammer: What's good?
Aaron: Like, I know that you said it's a remote control car AI or whatever, but like… How?
Jammer: Dog, have you been on Temu?
Aaron: No.
Jammer: They got so much shit, dude. Temu runs deep, all right? You gotta go deep, deep, deep in there. You gotta go to the sellers that aren't, they're not sponsored. All the stuff at the top, that's sponsored. If you keep going, you'll find it.
Aaron: Look, I hear you and I feel you.
Jammer: Mm-hm.
Aaron: But, like…magic.
Jammer: Yeah?
Aaron: Like, okay. I gotta be super honest. My sister Hester has been asking me to ask you about this for a hot second.
Aabria: And Hester is a sophomore, so she's actually a year younger than you, a pure sophomore. She's short, half Korean, half Black, with just sort of one of those very severe haircuts that you know she has to get trimmed constantly, 'cause it's very precise. She's an early education major, so that explains why she loves coming to LEEP with you all every time you rock up, and a couple times when you're there and the rest of the team isn't.
Lou: Mm-hm.
Brennan: [sucks his teeth]
Lou: Damn.
Aabria: And you can kind of feel Aaron's weird energy as he brings her up and kind of looks at you to see if there's any kind of reaction.
Jammer: I mean, Hester's cute but, you know, never during the season, you know?
Aaron: All right. Anyway… I would prefer, just wait till I graduate. Let me just be out of this. But okay, that's not the point. She said that I need to ask you if you, like, do magic, though. Like, for real. Like, just be fucking for real with me.
Jammer: But what's “do magic,” you know?
Aaron: I don't know, man. You-
Jammer: Have I done magic?
Aaron: Yeah.
Jammer: Yeah.
PlayerSam: [snickering]
Aaron: Can you do it right now?
Jammer: Dude, I'm not trying to make… Today is about the kids-
Aaron: [gestures to a LEEP sign somewhere behind] “Every Possibility,” dog!
Jammer: You really want to see some magic right now?
Aaron: I do.
Jammer: Bro-
Aabria: And he pulls out his phone.
Jammer: Come on, dude! I'll do magic-
Aaron: What?
Jammer: I don't want practices to become, “Yo, Jammer, do magic,” all right? That's my thing. Do I do magic? Yeah, dog, on the sly, I do magic. But I'm not trying to do… I'm not trying to make my thing magic. Dude, come on, put the phone down. I'll do magic if you put the phone down. Put the phone down, I'll do magic. Straight-up. Straight-up, put the phone down, I'll do magic right now. Bet, dog, bet! I'll do magic right now! Honestly, I'm about to curse right now, 'cause of how serious I am about doing magic if you put the phone down.
Aaron: I cursed earlier, so that's kind of on me. There are a lot of kids here.
Jammer: Yeah, a lot of kids.
Aabria: And he slides it in-
Jammer: It's hard. All right.
Lou: Do I have… Would I have my wand on me?
Aabria: That's the question.
Lou: Would I have my wand?
Aabria: Let me be very clear. In this world where magic is sort of broken, it's harder to do, it's chaotic. However, your wand-
Lou: Mm-hm.
Aabria: ...just makes it a little bit easier, always has. You could attempt it without it.
Lou: Mm-hm. I'm gonna get my wand out. I mean, I carry my magical basketball around. I got my wand in here somewhere. Shit, shit! I think it's wrapped in two pairs of socks. There's just two tube socks that have just… And I just leave it there. I don't really take it out that often. So I reach in, pull it out.
Aaron: I'm trying to be so quiet about this.
Jammer: I still got this.
Aaron: You have a full, little magic wand!
Danielle: [laughs] Oh!
Jammer: Yeah, dog. How you think you do magic, dog? You think you just make magic happen? Dumbass. [turning to children around him] Sorry, sorry!
Children: Language!
Jammer: Don't talk like me!
Children: Language!
Jammer: Don't talk like me.
Children: Language!
Aabria: And children start chanting, "Language," and running away.
Lou: Okay. I'm going to try… I would just like to guide the toys back into the container from which they came.
Aabria: Amazing. I would love for you to give me, it feels like a Maneuver roll.
Lou: It feels like a Maneuver roll. That tracks.
Aabria: Now, that's pretty… Give me a number of toys. If you want to move all of them, you can. The DC will be un-fucking-real.
Lou: Yeah, let's do three. I'm trying to move three. I think one could be the
wind. Let's go three.
Aabria: Okay, there's a little RC Hot Wheels car with a wheel missing, and a block, and a snapped purple crayon, and you can push it into a little container. So it's a simple push. I'm going to say the DC for this, 15.
Lou: 15, okay.
Aabria: Maneuver plus your Magic die.
Lou: Plus Magic. Which would you like me to roll first?
Aabria: Your call, baby.
Lou: All right, we'll start with the Maneuver. [sighs] That's a 5.
Aabria: Okay. Not impossible.
Lou: Not impossible. Magic, it's a ladder.
Aabria: It's a ladder!
Lou: 3.
Aabria: Okay.
Lou: I'm going to spend one [holds up a Mote] to Explode.
Aabria: Perfect.
Lou: That gets us to a d6.
Aabria: Yep.
Lou: Roll that.
Aabria: You're currently at 9.
Lou: And that's only a 1.
Aabria: 10.
Lou: We cannot get there. So that's 10 total?
Aabria: 10 total. 10…You concentrate, and you just feel something… There's something behind it that feels sticky or blocked. It's like a muscle, like when you do a full body workout, but a smaller muscle that hasn't been used in a really long time gets overly sore. And you feel something inside you, like a muscle you don't use very often, too sore to pull it off.
[tense music]
Jammer struggles silently while concentrating with his wand.
Aaron: You good? I feel like you talked a lot.
Jammer: Yeah, what's up? Are you watching it? Watch it.
Aaron: Okay, I'm gonna look over here.
Jammer: Don't look at me, look at it. Look at it!
Aaron: I'm looking at it, and I'm-
Jammer: Look at it! Stop looking at me, look at it!
Aaron: Am I looking at the right thing? 'Cause like if the magic is-
Jammer: Man, bro, I'm not gonna do it! I'm not gonna do it.
Aaron: What do you mean?
Jammer: I'm not gonna do it! I'm not gonna do it.
Aaron: Wait, don't put this on me!
Jammer: What's up, dude?
Aaron: It's not on me that it didn't happen.
Jammer: Well, it could've happened, all right? But I don't know, the energy you're giving off, man-
Aaron: She talks so much about how she thinks you're secretly very magic, and then you pull out a wand, and I was so like, okay, maybe! And the basketball, it's AI. I don't know, man. What were you trying to do? Turn it into a pumpkin or something?
Jammer: The toys?
Aaron: Yeah?
Jammer: Nah, I was trying to put them in the container.
Aaron: Like this?
Aabria: And he just kind of walks over and just kind of nudges it.
Jammer: Yeah, like that.
Aaron: Okay.
Jammer: I could do crazier shit but, you know, I'm not gonna-
Aaron: Can you? No, it's fine. I'm not trying to get into a little fight.
Jammer: Yeah, damn, Aaron, you know?
Aaron: It's okay. Language!
Jammer: Sorry! I'm sorry!
Aabria: And the kids start chanting, "Language!"
Jammer: Don't talk like me! [sighs]
Aabria: And it's right about this time, I'm going to ask for a Mark check. We're going to make the DC 4.
Lou: Okay.
Aabria: It's low.
Lou: It's low. Wait, do I take an adversity token-
Aabria: You take a token because you failed, and a token for attempting overt magic.
Lou: That's a 1.
Aabria: [laughs]
Lou: I'm going to-
Aabria: You're going to do it?
Lou: I'm going to-
Aabria: You can get a token if you just let it not happen.
Lou: I'll take the token. I'll take the token.
Aabria: Take the token for failure.
Lou: I'm going to let this go.
Aabria: It's okay.
Lou: I just like to win.
Aabria: Because you are so deep in your explanation game that you don't notice what Aaron notices until you see his eyeline has moved from you and is tracking something across the room.
Aaron: …the f—Funkytown is that?
Lou: I'm going to look at it.
Aabria: You turn around and you see, it looks like… Origami day is a thing that's happened at LEEP many times. What a fun little adventure in multiculturalism and manual dexterity for children. But this is very specifically like a bird, and it seems to articulate and flap across the room, and it's moving, much like Spalding, under its own devices.
Lou: I'm going to put a hand on Aaron's shoulder and be like-
Aaron: What?
Jammer: Hey, hey.
Aaron: Yeah?
Jammer: This is bird stuff. You want to talk about magic shit? This is magic shit, dog. When they send birds, they're trying to send messages. They're trying to let you know what's up.
Aaron: Shut up!
Jammer: What?
Aabria: And he's going to push you off and sprint to try to chase down the bird.
Jammer: No, shit! No, no, no!
Lou: I'm going to chase after him.
Aabria: Okay, it's going to be a Brawn roll.
Lou: Okay.
Aabria: I'm going to say the difficulty is 12.
Lou: What's Brawn?
Aabria: Oh, sorry. Matter.
Lou: Okay, great.
Aabria: Your Matter roll, difficulty of 12.
Lou: Okay.
Aabria: To beat him to the bird.
Lou: Great.
Brennan: I like that Mind is over Matter.
Aabria: That's fun. We have fun here. I'm never going to remember any of the words I came up with. Delightful.
Lou rolls his die.
Lou: [groans]
Erika and Brennan gasp.
Lou: That's a 1.
Aabria: Amazing.
Lou: So many motes of magic!
Aabria: Let me be clear. Has Jammer sort of changed physically across the three years? What's our height? What's our sort of physicality?
Lou: Still six foot, hasn't changed much. I think has put on… The year he went to Gowpenny was supposed to be a bulking year, but then he was just ordering McRibs all the time. I think he's still around the same size, maybe slightly more muscular, but he did fracture his toe in his first year, but he's recovered for the most part. But I think he can be, sometimes, more trepidatious with his body than he was before.
Aabria: I think it's a mixture of that, of knowing that a little injury can sideline you for a year and this room is a maze of little stuff that could kill your next season, so you don't feel bad that you lose a step to him. He's also 6'5" and a senior. So he's going to absolutely mow over you, jump up off one of these low little homework tables, and snatch the bird, crumpling it, out of the sky.
Jammer: Bro, it's like a message! Bro, they got messages. What does it say? What does it say?
Aaron: What do you mean? Where's the message?
Aabria: And he's just holding a crumpled, dark gray piece of paper.
Aaron: What message?
Jammer: Give it to me, man.
Aaron: No, I want it. I want magic.
Jammer: Bro, it's-
Aaron: Can I turn it into a wand?
Aabria: He starts twisting it.
Jammer: Bro, stop.
Aaron: What?
Jammer: Bro, stop! It's clearly some kind of important-ass message. The last… Language, please!
Children: Language! Language!
Jammer: Last time, they sent me an owl, and it had a whole-ass note. Language! It had a whole-ass note. Language!
Aaron: Do you want to go talk outside?
Jammer: Yeah, can we-
Aaron: You're struggling!
Jammer: Sorry, bro.
Aabria: Jewel's in the corner. She looks like she's going to hit you.
Jammer: Yes. Jewel, please!
Jewel: I found papers.
Jammer: Okay!
Jewel: Go outside!
Jammer: Thank you.
Jewel: Okay, everyone, we're going to… Please stop yelling, "Language." We are going to have a little snack time. Stop yelling, "Language!"
Aabria: And you see that the moment you sort of move out of the room she quickly loses her cool, like you are a large part of the chill energy of this place. You step outside, and you're just sort of at a little half basketball
court around the corner. He's like,
Aaron: Okay.
Jammer: Look, I'll share the magic with you. You just gotta show it to me so I can see what's going on.
Aabria: He offers it to you.
Lou: I unfurl it.
Aabria: The moment you touch it, you feel that pulse, a connection to magic that's solid and real. It almost has the flavor behind it of what you remember from your time at Gowpenny, and as you go to open it, it helps you. It sort of uncreases itself. You feel a little heat on the paper as it tries to smooth out its own wrinkles, and it unfolds into a note. It just says,
Dr. Boodle: Hey, Whitney. Hope you're doing good. This is Dr. Boodle. I could put that at the… You'll read it at the end. I don't know why I'm rambling. It's just a note. I would love if you could come… I have a proposition for you. It would be so great if you could come to these coordinates. Everyone will be there.
Aabria: It's very funny that this note has all— It's ellipses every couple words.
Lou: Okay.
Aabria: He could've just started again.
Lou: A classic talking into Siri—
Aabria: Yeah!
Lou: —ramble. “Comma!”
Aabria: Yes!
Lou: Okay, yeah, I'm caught up.
Aabria: It's very strange how much this doesn't feel like a meticulously curated note, but a hastily stream-of-conscious dictated letter.
Dr. Boodle: There's a code at the bottom, and if you put it into your computer, it should make tickets for the Faroe Islands. I cannot wait to see you. I have a little business proposition. I hope you're doing well. This is Dr. Boodle from Gowpenny, your teacher, if you remember, from Chimeron. I hope you're so good.
Aabria: And at the bottom, “Dr. B.”
Lou: Jammer just gets a little quiet and, I think, nostalgic for that time and his friends, who I think kind of come to him in this moment as he looks over the note.
Aaron: Hey. So, the magic?
Jammer: Oh.
Aaron: You just put a note in your pocket.
Jammer: Can you see it?
Aaron: What? Yeah, I don't read cursive good.
Jammer: Oh. One of the dudes who used to teach us, he's asking me to come to the… Head out to the Faroe Islands.
Aaron: The what?
Jammer: The Faroe Islands.
Aabria: He immediately pulls out his phone and is starting to look it up.
Jammer: Yeah, honestly, can you look it up?
Aaron: Yeah!
Jammer: I don't know where it is either.
Aaron: Dude, it's by Iceland.
Jammer: Shit!
Aaron: You're just going to go to Iceland? Or not Iceland, next to Iceland?
Aabria: He just keeps zooming in.
Jammer: I mean, spring break's coming up, and I got free tix.
Aaron: Like, for the homies?
Jammer: Here, one second.
Lou: I'm going to scan my QR code. How many tickets do I have?
Aabria: One!
Jammer: [looking at his phone, disappointed] Uh…
Aabria: Business class.
Jammer: [surprised] Ah! Uh… [looks at Aaron] Nah.
Aabria: There's a layover.
Jammer: Nah.
Aaron: What do you mean?
Lou: Is there a layover?
Aabria: There's a layover in Copenhagen.
Jammer: [talking to self while looking at the ticket on his phone] Shit. But honestly, that means I get to fly business class on two flights!
[players laughing]
Aaron: I don't understand!
Jammer: Sorry.
Aaron: I'm feeling very left out of whatever's happening here!
Jammer: He is asking for help on a class project or something, and I mean, I was just going to spend spring break just working out and stuff, but I don't know, shit. Could be fun, just a couple days in whatever the Faroe Islands are, you know?
Aaron: You good?
Jammer: Yeah.
Aaron: Is that okay?
Jammer: Yeah, I think I'm gonna go to the Faroe Islands! Shit! Love the Faroe Islands.
Aaron: That's weird, but tight. Okay.
Jammer: Yeah, I think it sounds cool.
Aaron: That kind of counts as magic. I feel like you did magic.
Jammer: Is that kind of magic?
Aaron: I'll count it, 'cause the bird was flying, and then it was wrinkled.
Jammer: Yeah, it was like a note. So that's kind of the other shit… I guess pushing was a pretty lame...
Aaron: It wasn't. I get it.
Jammer: Yeah.
Aaron: I can't do magic. I try.
Jammer: Did you try?
Aaron: Yeah. I mean, yeah. When we all kind of found out it was something, yeah, I remember trying for, I don't know, once or twice, and-
Jammer: See, that's what it felt like. It felt like everybody tried a couple times.
Aaron: Yeah.
Jammer: And it didn't click. And then, I don't know, it's been weird for a while, so…
Aaron: It's just a couple days?
Jammer: Yeah, it's just a couple days in the Faroe Islands, you know?
Aaron: But you'll be back.
Jammer: Yeah, and I get to fly business class.
Aaron: That's kind of tight.
Jammer: I think they give you champagne.
Aaron: [gasps] Shut up!
Jammer: They give you champagne.
Aaron: That's fucking cool.
Jammer: It's free! You think I pay for it?
Aaron: Free? Okay, all right.
Jammer: See?
Aaron: Bring some back!
Jammer: Honestly, for the homies, I'll bring some. I'm gonna bring back-
Aaron: If you don't, I'm gonna whoop your ass.
Jammer: Okay, I'm gonna bring you back champagne. I'm gonna take champagne from the plane-
Aaron: Yes!
Jammer: And bring it-
Aaron: Like a little one.
Jammer: Exactly.
Lou: [stammering]
Jammer: Tell everybody. Tell everybody Jammer's bringing back champagne, all right?
Aaron: Okay, I'm gonna.
Aabria: And he just immediately sort of turns and walks away and starts shouting down the teammates that have sort of headed back down the street and are headed over to Roosevelt.
Lou: I think Jammer takes a second. There's that excitement and kind of anxiety, those mixed feelings that just come with being like, ooh, we're going to go back. We're going to go back and see some people who we haven't seen in a while.
Aabria: You think about that as you head back and make your plans, and we'll move from you to go catch up with K Tanaka. Three years, it's a long time. A lot of things are possible. A lot of things were made possible by your actions. In what direction did K move after Gowpenny? You stayed, yeah? Graduated?
Erika: Yes, I stayed and I graduated, and due to unforeseen circumstances, I am single, whee! And I took an Airstream trailer, because I'm very… I gotta keep on moving, gotta be on the move. Can't stay in one place for too long, or they'll find me.
Aabria: They will find you. You aren't just K Tanaka. You are Itsy Bitsy Spider. You are famous online. Not you. Itsy Bitsy Spider is famous. The patron saint of digital hedge mages. You have guarded and provided stewardship and a sneaky little point in the right direction for those online that have desperately sought out access to magic after the revelation that you and the rest of the pilot program brought into the world, and it keeps you online. It keeps you in the dark, a little spider touching all of the webs that you put out there, and someone has to guard it, so why not you? And that's been your mission for three years. So we will find you in your Airstream trailer out on the outskirts of Zagreb, Croatia. You are a digital nomad, and you stay as long as you think is safe, and you spend your days plugged in. So we push in through the window, and we see you at your display, several monitors, hands out, and in a level of trance as you split your attention again and again and again, watching forums, watching feeds, videos on several tabs, on several screens, of people attempting magic and failing and succeeding, questions about the PDFs that you all put out. What could this mean? What are they asking for when they say a material component? How would one even go about making potions? Is there a way to do this without access to fire? Do the verbal components of spells have to be in English? A thousand thousand questions, but none of them beyond your purview, because Itsy Bitsy Spider is so prolific, so omnipresent, that people think you are dozens or hundreds of people, watching and helping. And as you move through your duties, you just feel a little tap on your shoulder as a slightly mangy-looking chipmunk wearing a thread-worn sweater with leather patches at the elbow gives you a little tap.
Theodore: Excuse me! Hi, K!
K: Oh, Theodore, yes.
Theodore: Ah! What?
K: Ah!
Theodore: Hi! Hi!
K: Hi, hello. I am in five forums right now, yes. What do you need?
Theodore: Okay, I was just… Just wanted to see if you wanted a cup of tea or something. Maybe take a little break.
Erika: I look around, and there are four different mugs of tea-
Aabria: Mm-hm.
Erika: ...in various states of un-drunkenness.
Aabria: Mm-hm!
K: Yes, tea would be lovely, thank you.
Theodore: Could you… I'm sorry, I don't mean to press. Would you like to, I don't know, push back? We've done this,
Aabria: and he kind of gestures at two of the mugs,
Theodore: where I will bring it over, and I just… I'm not trying to complain. It's so nice to be here and to help you out. But you will kind of just look back at the screen. It takes a lot. The mugs are as big as I am. I'm just a little chipmunk! I'm just a little guy! And I bring it over, and then you don't drink it, and it's fine, 'cause I know you're very busy. You have so much to do. And I just...If I'm being honest, I don't
really understand what you do, because I'm a little guy.
K: Ooh. I got a ping in Australia. I think it's from Sydney.
Theodore: Yeah, can you take a little bathroom break or something?
K: Hmm? Hmm?
Theodore: Like, a little one? Just a moment. Can we just go outside? I would love some fresh air. It's close in here.
K: Yeah, but the signal's not so great out there.
Theodore: Huh?
K: Signal's not so great out there!
Theodore: Yeah, you could take a break. It's fine. Look, it's fine. They'll be fine for a couple more minutes.
K: Teddy.
Theodore: Just 10 minutes.
K: Listen.
Theodore: 10 minutes.
K: I-
AabriaAnd he pulls out, he reaches into his tiny little sweater pocket and pulls out a comically large pocket watch. [exhales sharply]
Theodore: What if we just take 10 minutes? This was my grandpappy's. What if we just take 10 little minutes?
Aabria: And he reaches over to touch your hand, and he kind of drops the giant
pocket watch on his foot.
Theodore: [squeaking in pain] Take a little break?
K: [groaning with decisions] Okay, okay, okay. You get eight minutes.
Theodore: Eight minutes?
K: Yeah!
Theodore: Nine?
K: It's what your grandpappy Ermintrude would want.
Theodore: [squeaks] You remember?
K: Yeah.
Theodore: It's really nice that you remember.
K: Okay.
Theodore: Okay!
K: Let's go to the outside.
Theodore: Mm-hm!
K: The meatspace.
Theodore: Mm-hm.
K: Okay.
Aabria: He kind of jumps onto your arm, and is just sort of patting you, but you can feel the little sharp claws of a small woodland creature digging in like, "Mm-hm!"
K: Yes, okay, we just need to go outside, but we must return posthaste, because Theodore, if-
Theodore: Why are you talking like that?
K: Huh?
Aabria: And he's going to run up your sort of steepled hands and get right on your face, and he kind of grabs you right under your cheeks.
Theodore: Why do you talk like that?
K: Like what?
Theodore: Yeah, remember, we met when you were… Three years ago, and you talked normal. And now it feels like you're in one of those motion pictures.
K: One of those, like a movie?
Theodore: Mm-hm.
K: Mm-hm.
Theodore: Mm-hm.
K: Well, the grandiosity of the tasks that we do here are in fact, yes, epic enough to be chronicled in some movie someday, but for now, we remain anonymous in the shadows.
Theodore: Yeah, the shadows. No one's gonna-
K: Uh-huh.
Theodore: Outside, please.
K: Okay, all right.
Theodore: I'm an animal!
K: Okay.
Theodore: And I want to go outside!
K: Oh, buddy. Okay, sure, sure sure sure. Let me just get to a good save point in "Elder Scrolls."
Theodore: Now!
[Brennan laughs]
K: Okay, okay okay okay! We're going, we're going, we're going!
Aabria: I need you to make a Grit roll.
Erika: Okay!
Aabria: I'm going to say the difficulty is 10, as Teddy grabs into your cheeks and you feel like he's ready to pop the skin.
Erika: Oh, it's a six. Oh wait, seven. That'll be a seven.
AabriaYou feel just that edge of pain, and maybe that little brightness that he might have torn the skin. You know that in the times that you've torn yourself away from your very important work, Teddy's not been doing great. He's a little familiar ripped from "The Wind in the Willows" and now your job would have you… And as you're thinking all of this, you step out with him outside, and it's night.
K: [groaning]
Aabria: You remember walking into your trailer, and it was like noon, so maybe it's been a couple hours.
K: What is the date?
Aabria: You check your phone. Roll a d6 for me.
Erika: Four.
Aabria: This, Itsy, is your blessing and your curse. Your grit, the result of your extreme focus. You have been inside, online, uninterrupted, for four days.
K: Mm. Mm-hm, mm-hm. Good.
[Brennan laughs]
Lou: Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.
Brennan: Good, good.
K: Yes.
Theodore: Yeah, the air is nice, right? It's nice, it's a nice night.
AabriaAnd you look out and you see that where you've ended up setting up shop, again, you always have to have a strong wi-fi signal, so you're very close to a nice little downtown area, and there's a bunch of cafés and little beer gardens, and because it's night, people are coming to dinner and meeting friends, and they're all speaking and hanging out. They speak a language you don't speak. They see you as they pass you, and acknowledge you and move forward. They don't look at you like they know you.
K: That's good, that's good, because that means that my work remains anonymous.
Aabria: This is the world that you are not of. Meatspace.
Lou: Meatspace.
Aabria: Meatspace! You get a little fresh air, and Teddy crawls down and is like,
Theodore: I'm going to make some tea and bring out to you. Just hang out here. I get six more minutes.
K: Okay.
Theodore: Six! All six!
K: All right, all right.
Theodore: Thank you!
Aabria: You hear him scamper away.
K: Okay.
Aabria: What are you looking for? What are you looking at, K?
K: It's just, I'm used to kind of being, you know, out in the… The outside. You know.
Aabria: Are you staying present?
Erika: I pull out some knitting needles, and immediately start knitting a little tiny sweater and stuff. It looks like it's being printed, you know, in fast motion.
Aabria: You begin knitting.
K: Gotta do something with the hands.
Aabria: And your little wearable, you feel a buzz on your wrist as you get a little message, and another one, and another one. This isn't anything new, but you are always on tap. You're always on call, and some of your closest cohorts, your retinue, someone that goes by Forethought, and of course your cohort Mitts, and these are all abbreviations of internet handles and names that change across forums, but there are very few people that can reach out to you and they keep you updated constantly, new rumors and whispers that governments are beginning to formulate responses to the advances of magic. It's still chaotic, no one's really cracked the code of how to do magic consistently, but there are sects, cults, people that are building whole systems around the desire for or restriction of magic, and the longer you step away, the more notifications you get. Everything interesting in
the world is happening, and you're not anywhere near any of it. Five minutes.
K: Okay, five minutes.
Erika: There's a whole little pantsuit.
AabriaThe world's fastest knitter.
Erika: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
K: I'm gonna add some sequins, I think. But I told Teddy… I still got five minutes, five minutes. Cool. Okay, great.
Aabria: Give me a Mark roll, difficulty of six.
Erika: D4.
Aabria: Okay.
Erika: So it's a three. I'm going to use that and-
Aabria: You're going to roll it again. It's a Lucky Break and you roll the d4 again.
Erika: Roll the d4 again. Ooh, that's another four.
Aabria: Amazing, another Lucky Break. Roll it again.
Erika: Roll a d4. Ooh, that's another-
Aabria: Wait, shut up! Let's go!
Brennan: Incredible, oh my god.
Lou: Perception.
Erika: That's another one!
Aabria: Oh my god.
Brennan: That's four fours in a row. That's 16.
Aabria: Okay, four fours.
Lou: The campaign's over, right?
Aabria: Yeah, we're done. We did it.
Eou: Okay!
Aabria: You see the bad guy and you deal with it.
Erika: And that's a two, so 16. Wait, no.
Brennan: 18.
Erika: 18, yeah.
Aabria: 18. If I set a difficulty and you meet or miss it by more than seven, we're talking about critical failures and critical successes so with a total of 18, you see it. Something against the very dark skyline, soundless, getting closer. It has all of the moving and intentionality of a drone. So perhaps they've finally found you.
K: Fuck! [grumbling]
Aabria: It gets a little closer. Four minutes. It gets a little closer, and it's just, it's too small. You know the specs of every drone used by a government with a stated anti-magical bent in the EU. Isn't lining up. And it gets a little closer. You've knitted another pantsuit. And then you see it. It resolves. A pair of wings. Paper? Metal? Magic.
K: [hooting]
Aabria: You make a little bird noise?
Erika: Yeah!
Aabria: And it gently alights onto your hand and unfolds itself, and you feel that warmth under your palm. Real magic. Real magic, unfolding just for you.
Erika: Yeah.
Aabria: A note, hastily scrawled and awkwardly worded, from Dr. Boodle, requesting your presence, asking several times if you're doing well and if you remember who he is, Dr. Boodle. He was there at your graduation. He was sitting next to you at your graduation, hopes you're doing great, has a little proposition for you, hopes this finds you. You're very hard to find. The Faroe Islands. A code for a plane ticket. Everyone will be there. A proposition for you. Three minutes.
K: [groans] Okay, okay. Okay, okay! Teddy? Teddy!
Aabria: You turn around and see that Teddy's just actually been slowly scratching at the Airstream trailer. The door shut, and he has not been able to get in.
K: Teddy?
Theodore: Hi, hi! I'm sorry, I couldn't reach the door, and it feels like you didn't need the tea. I just wanted you to get some air. How are you? What's that?
K: Yes, good. We're going to the Faroe Islands, Teddy!
Theodore: The what?
K: The Faroe Islands. You know.
Theodore: Yeah!
K: Outside of Iceland?
Theodore: Yeah, we all know about that.
K: Really green?
Theodore: Yeah! Oh! Oh.
Aabria: And you see Teddy walks up and kind of touches it, and something shakes across him.
[tender music]
Theodore: That's nice.
K: Yeah, it feels good, doesn't it?
Theodore: I've missed that.
K: Yeah.
Theodore: We're going to go?
K: Yeah, we're going to go. See the gang again!
Theodore: We're going to see everyone again?
K: Yeah.
Theodore: We're going to see everyone again?
K: Yeah. Well, yeah, I think. It says, actually… Yeah, yeah, we're going to… Yeah, everybody's going to be there. Yeah!
Theodore: This'll be fun.
K: It'll be fine.
Theodore: This'll be fun!
K: Fine!
Aabria: And Teddy asks for uppies and sort of pats you gently on the shoulder and nuzzles into your cheek, seemingly more relaxed than he's been in a very long time, and you return into your trailer.
K: All right. Pack your tiny tablet.
Theodore: I don't want to bring it.
K: Pack your tiny little tablet!
Theodore: You only gave me two apps, and I don't like playing Balloon Pop!
K: You do like Balloon Pop.
Theodore: I don't!
K: All right, well-
Aabria: He starts biting the edge of your thumb, not hard, but a little petulantly.
Theodore: Don't take it out on me because you don't want to see him again!
K: I'll get you "Angry Birds"! I don't know what you're...
Theodore: Make some tea!
Aabria: And from there, we'll cut away, and move a little farther afield. Farther north again, to London, to Shepherd's Bush, to the BBC studios, where we find Sam Britain. Name change. Interesting.
Danielle: Yes, name change, because her name is Sam and she lives in Britain.
Aabria: Oh, that's exactly...
Danielle: Sorry.
Aabria: Yeah!
Lou: I just did it. Math tracks.
Aabria: Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much.
Lou: Added it all up. It's right there.
Aabria: Now take a token.
Lou: Oh, thank you.
Aabria: Great. Thanks for doing the math for me.
Lou: What's up, bro? I'm eating today!
[players laugh]
Aabria: Sam, your life in the last three years has been like your life for all of the others, charmed. Things have gone well. You stayed and graduated from Gowpenny, [tender piano music] returned to streaming, made a little name change, and then was called up to the big leagues in a major way, and you are now the host of a panel show on BBC Four, a channel that is best described as not really sure if it's still on the air. But your internet following is huge. You are charming and graceful. It sometimes involves song. No one could accuse you of being a good singer, but they just have fun because you have fun, and who could say no to you? And so we're going to pick up, and of course, you are about to begin another episode of your smash sensation "Britain's Got Magic." You're in the makeup chair, and your producer, [sighs] he is a sweaty and terrible man.
But Jamie Thorp is a 30-year veteran in this field. This was the last gig he was going to take on the way towards an early and well-deserved retirement, and joke's on him, this is the most popular show he's ever been a part of, and his job, his day to day, is less about producing the show, and more about managing you. And you are getting your sort of last touches, a cute, rosy glow, and Jamie stands beside you holding a clipboard and a phone. He's on his little headset, pouring sweat into an ill-fitting blue suit.
Jamie: Ms. Britain, we've talked about this for a while. I don't think it's appropriate for you to sort of declare an episode a musical without clearing it with the guests or me, if I'm being very honest.
Sam: Okay!
Jamie: I just want to know more than 24 minutes before we're supposed to begin.
Sam: Okay, but you have a cassette player, right?
Jamie: A what?
Sam: Yeah, you know-
Jamie: I know what a cassette is. How do you know what a cassette is? You're, what, 17?
Sam: Um, I'm like 20. My mum has cassettes. She would always use them, and it would be like, you're so beautiful, you're so powerful.
Jamie: So charming.
Sam: Stay away from that man, girl.
Jamie: Your American charm is absolutely devastating. I love it.
Aabria: I need a Charm roll. Your difficulty's going to be 14.
Danielle: Okay.
[bouncy violins]
Danielle: 18.
Lou: Of course.
Danielle: I rolled an 18.
Lou: Of course!
Aabria: Beautiful. 18.
Danielle: All right, LL.
Brennan: 18, beautiful. Thank you.
Danielle: Love it, love it.
Aabria: You see it. There's no way to not notice it. He is just a portrait of a harassed man, and something washes over him under your direct and kind gaze.
Jamie: Okay, yeah. Okay, you want to… You can walk out and sing a little song, and you've got… Today is Tony and Jameela, so are they going to be singing too? I know that they're friends of yours, but they are here to sort of do rounds of promotions for their work, so what… Help me set expectations for them.
Sam: Well, I mean, I don't want to make anybody do music. I can just come out with T2 and we can do the opening number.
Jamie: The pig?
Sam: Yeah.
Jamie: You're going to sing with the pig again? That's nice.
Sam: Yeah! I can come out, I'm holding T2. We can do the opening number, and then I'll cross over, I'll sit down, and then if they want to join in on number #2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, or 20, then they can.
Jamie: 20 musical numbers?
Sam: Yeah.
Jamie: Yeah, just 20 songs. It's going to be 20. Don't yell at me. Don't yell at me!
Sam: Who's yelling at you?
Jamie: No one. Don't worry about it. You're so good. You're so good.
Sam: I don't want anyone yelling at you. That's not nice.
Jamie: No, never. It's my...
Aabria: He takes out the headset, sort of holding it in his hands, holding a clipboard.
Jamie: It's my job to make sure whatever you want and need, you get, because anything you put your mind to seems to work, against all of my better judgment. So, 20 musical numbers. We'll find a musician. We'll get you some accompaniment. We don't need a cassette player.
Sam: Oh!
Jamie: That's so great.
Sam: Cool.
Jamie: Great. Is there anything else I can get you?
Sam: Ooh!
Jamie: Where's T2, by the way?
Sam: Oh.
Jamie: I haven't seen him.
Sam: Oh, T2, the last time I saw T2, I think that he was helping out with wardrobe?
Jamie: What do you mean?
Sam: Wardrobe.
Jamie: He's a pig.
Sam: Like, what I'm going to wear.
Jamie: No, I understand. You say he's helping out...
Aabria: He snaps.
Jamie: With wardrobe?
Sam: Yeah.
Jamie: Mm. Mm-hm.
Sam: Yeah.
Jamie: He's helping out with styling, and this is going to be a musical episode. Delightful. Delightful.
Sam: T2 just knows what I like.
Jamie: You know what, wonderful. I will pass this on myself, because I need to pick up another headset. It's going to be great. You're doing a great job.
Sam: Oh, thank you, thank you. I'm really nervous, you know, because it's like… It's all big. It's the BBC.
Jamie: Yeah, you're on television.
Sam: Yeah.
Jamie: You're doing-
Sam: British Big Cinema? I don't know what it stands for.
Jamie: British Big Cinema. Yes, the British Big Cinema gave you a TV show.
Sam: Yeah!
Jamie: After you ate courgettes on Twitch.
Brennan: [laughs]
Jamie: And that's normal.
Sam: Who's Courgette?
Jamie: I love Americans. You're all wonderful. I'm going to go. If you need anything, I will send someone else to deal with it. Is that good for you? I can send Dawn.
Sam: Oh yeah, send Dawn!
Jamie: Perfect.
Sam: I haven't said hi to Dawn today.
Jamie: Delightful. You haven't said hi to your assistant today. Great, thank you. I'm going to… Yes! Yes, I'm flying her in now!
Aabria: And just puts his hand to his ear and stumbles away, and shortly thereafter, Dawn is going to walk up. She's 17. She's your assistant. She's treating all of this like learning on the job. She's a would-be content creator that doesn't really know what she wants to lean into, and is happy to work for you for free and just sort of enjoy the perks of being around you, because you've always been really generous with your time. She going to come up. She's got curly red hair, always up in a messy bun with a stylus and a pencil and a pen sort of jammed through it, ready for anything, and just is going to walk up. She's wearing a sweet little matching skirt and sweater set.
Dawn: Good morning! Sam, how are you?
Sam: I'm doing good. How are you doing today?
Dawn: I'm so good! I just heard from Jamie that it's going to be a musical episode?
Sam: Yeah, we're going to do
Dawn: 30, okay. That sounds so wonderful. Okay, so I was wondering, I've had some more ideas. And she pulls out her phone and opens a little notes app.
Sam: Ooh, love a notes app.
Dawn: So I was thinking, what if I'm an animal trainer, and that's my thing, and I just make videos about training animals, and then maybe I could work with T2 because he already does so many good things, and I could be like, oh, I'm training him, and that could be my thing online?
Sam: Oh, well, I would suggest, I think that that's great if you like… Do you like animals?
Dawn: I mean, no, but I haven't really seen that that's like a thing? I haven't seen anyone else do it.
Sam: You know what, I think that if you work with animals enough, you'll
love them and you'll… Do you know anything about animals? That doesn't matter. So, T2 really doesn't like being told what to do, is the only problem.
Dawn: Right, but I figured if you told him to do it, and then I… Like, he would listen to you, and then he would listen to me, and it would be fine. I just want to be like you!
Sam: Aw.
Dawn: You're just so magical, and you're so nice and so sunny and so sweet, and it just all seems to work out for you so well, and I was just wondering if maybe I could use some of that and I could have my own
thing, and then we could… I don't know.
Sam: You know what, you should do that, and I'll get T2, and if I ask very politely and if he's not busy worrying about quarter one or quarter two taxes, 'cause I still have to pay taxes. It's a whole thing. Dual citizenship! But if you want to, then yeah, we can totally make that happen. We will find a way.
Dawn: That's great, okay. Thank you so much.
Sam: Maybe that can be next episode.
Dawn: That's so good!
Sam: Maybe next episode, we can just train you how to do animal stuff.
Dawn: I would love to be on camera.
Sam: Yeah.
Dawn: It sounds so nice.
Sam: Yeah, let's do that next episode. Go tell Jamie.
Dawn: I'll go tell Jamie. I also forgot to get your coffee or your dry cleaning, but I can grab it later.
Sam: No one cares about that. The important thing is that we make sure that you learn how to train animals on camera for the first time in front of a bunch of celebrities you don't know. We're going to do that next… Maybe we can do that for the second half of this hour.
[Brennan laughs]
Sam: You know what? You know what? We're going to cut it down. We're going to cut it down from 40 songs to 20 songs, and the rest of it, we're going to have it be you and T2. Okay, great! This is wonderful! Ooh, tell Jamie. He's going to be so excited. Okay, bye Dawn!
Dawn: [wheezing anxiously]
Brennan pounds the table.
Dawn: [hyperventilating]
Sam: Are you okay?
Aabria: And you see that Dawn just sort of doubles over next to you.
Dawn: I don't think I should do it today.
Sam: Why not? What else are you doing?
Dawn: I don't know, I have all of your assistant things to do.
Sam: Just, like, no-
Dawn: I got your mail!
Sam: Well, no.
Dawn: I have to go pick up your dry cleaning and get your coffee like you asked for.
Sam: No, that's fine. I'll just grab coffee somewhere else.
Dawn: No, I'll do that! I'm gonna do that!
Aabria: And then you just sort of see that she puts down, she starts pulling stuff out of her pockets.
Dawn: I got your mail, and here's all your… I'm just gonna go, and
we'll try again tomorrow! I have other ideas. I don't want to do that.
Sam: Oh.
Dawn: I'm gonna find T2.
Sam: Okay, well, tell Jamie we're not doing it, then.
Dawn: I'm not gonna! [whimpers]
Aabria: And she walks away. Can I get a Brains roll?
Danielle: You sure can.
Brennan: The second half of the hour really got me. I could feel Jamie being like, "It's 23 minutes!"
Aabria: I'm going to say your difficulty is a 10.
Danielle: Okay, well, I rolled a three, plus one, so it's a four.
Aabria: Okay, with a four, there's something around Dawn. She's so eager and excitable, and it feels nice to reach out and help her, but it's never quite right. It never feels the same. You do this. You have celebrity friends. You air to a full studio audience week after week, and you're loved and adored online, but it all feels so removed. Dawn couldn't even be in conversation with you for more than a couple minutes. Jamie's never had a conversation with you that didn't require you to soothe some frazzled part of him. You've always been so good at connecting with people, and you're doing that now, but it just feels like there's something missing. You can't quite figure out what it is. You look at the pile that she's left, and little crumpled piece of dark gray paper twitches.
Danielle: I'm gonna poke it. Poke.
Aabria: And it nuzzles, sort of shifts out from under bills and invitations to premieres, and a little wounded, seven inch bird hobbles out, made of paper, ornately folded.
Danielle: Wounded?
Aabria: It looks like part of the crumpling on it under those other things has sort of bent its wing awkwardly.
Sam: Hey, dude.
Danielle: I'm just going to reach out and cup my hand, see if the bird will hop into my hand.
Aabria: It hops in and settles down, almost like it's roosting.
Sam: Hey, do you know the Sonny parts of "I Got You Babe"?
Aabria: It looks up to you, quirks its little bird face, and quickly unfolds into a letter, refusing to engage with the conversation.
Sam: Oh. Oh!
Aabria: You see a note, much like the others. Dr. Boodle inviting you to the Faroe Islands. All your friends will be there. He has a proposition for you.
Sam: Cool. Oh, business class. Yeah, that's...
Aabria: The ticket is for tonight.
Sam: Oh! Oh.
Aabria: Just a little question. Do you go now? Do you put all of this aside and leave?
Danielle: I want to see my friends. There is an audience, and Tony really doesn't like to be left waiting. I could do an opening number and then skidootz. I'll skidootz after the opening number.
Aabria: You put the letter aside, resolved to stay for the first song of your musical episode.
Danielle: Yes.
AabriaAnd as Tony Danza joins you-
Lou: It was Tony Danza?
Brennan: I thought Blair.
Lou: I was hoping it was Blair!
Erika: You guys-
Brennan: Jameela Jamil and Tony Blair?
Erika: Oh my god.
Lou: Tony Danza is on "Britain's Got Magic"?
Aabria: Yes.
Lou: Promoting what?
[Aabria wheezes]
Danielle: Oh wow.
Aabria: He's not actually promoting anything.
Brennan: That's where you get off. That's where Lou Wilson gets off the bus. Why would Tony Danza get booked? He's not promoting anything!
Lou: I'm thinking more from Tony Danza's perspective! Tony's flying all the way from his beautiful house in Long Island to London?
Aabria: Yes.
Lou: For what? Just to hang?
Aabria: To sing a song with his good friend Sam!
Brennan: He's gotta sing 20 one-minute songs, because the host just left after the opening!
Lou: Well, thank god Tony was there.
Brennan: I'll tell ya, he's the boss.
Lou: Not bad.
Brennan: Not bad!
Lou: Not bad at all.
Brennan: Not bad at all!
Aabria: Hey, go ahead and take a mote. That was great.
Brennan: Thank you. To our viewers at home, Tony Danza was an actor in the 1980s-
Aabria: Stop it, they can Google it! Google it!
Danielle: [accented] Angela.
Aabria: And as he begins-
[players laughing]
Aabria: I hate that. That's it. That's the thing. We're cutting from that.
Danielle: I'm so sorry.
Aabria: You sort of just say, "Angela," and he continues to sing about how he doesn't really have a thing to promote and was excited to spend time with you, and he sings alone as you simply leave the studio.
Sam: Bye!
Brennan: [New York-ish] Sam Britain. I love your mukbangs.
Aabria: No!
Lou: Brennan, get out.
Brennan: It's been real. Thank you so much for having me.
Aabria: Leave!
Brennan: This way?
Aabria: We move, finally, away from Tony singing by himself.
Brennan: [New York-ish] ♪ Put your little hand in mine ♪
Aabria: Far away from London and Big British Cinema across and over to Glasgow, in a humble little apartment owned by one, and I did save you for last 'cause it's been so long since I've said it and I really just want to dig in, Evan Kelmp.
Brennan: Hell yeah.
Aabria: We're back, baby.
Brennan: Kelmp.
Aabria: It's a little discreet apartment in a little plain building, run of the mill. Not too nice, not on the bad side of town, but just a little place tucked away that's just for you. And as we look in, we see a sight that I was forewarned is so serial killer adjacent that, you know what, we're going to break convention here and I'm going to ask you to describe what we see as we find Evan.
Brennan: I'll take a second to describe it, because Evan doesn't have anyone to talk to. So, just being real-
[Aabria guffaws]
Aabria: We're back, baby! It's sad!
Brennan: It's sad right away. There's just not an NPC-
Lou: This lighting? Come on now.
Brennan: Come on now!
Lou: Remember the bright pastels? They're gone.
Brennan: They're gone! A walk-up building. Old, you know, pre-war building somewhere in Glasgow that has a top floor apartment, so many steps of a walk-up, an old, rickety place. As Evan walks in, we see him, and he looks different. He has some belongings, which are… The last time we met him at the beginning, he had a shopping bag full of socks and underwear, and now he's got his Backpack of Holding from his ex. No longer has long hair, because now he has the ability to get regular haircuts, which was why he had long hair in the past, and he got tired of trying new hair and clothing things and being made fun of, and it was too much for him to take, so he just has a uniform, which is sort of soft blacks on everything. Black jeans, black wingtip shoes, black T-shirt, black hoodie, black wool overcoat for the rain, and he comes in. You can see the only thing under his hoodie that's not a sort of soft, muted, nondescript black is his attendant uniform from the petrol station where he works. The room is completely barren except for a wi-fi router and modem in the corner, and sort of horrifying shapes of tape marked with runes and writing that make bizarre alien shapes that stretch from the floor to the ceiling, and the ceiling up and above and everywhere around. And in the middle of the room, there is a small stand that plugs in and there are a couple of cameras and motion sensors on the stand looking out around the apartment. And he finishes checking on his phone with a screen, which was his gift from Sam, finishes checking the security app to make sure that no motion or anyone was detected while he was away. And as he moves into the apartment, he immediately, in the quietness of this space, moves over to the counter where there's a small, strange shape, reaches into his Backpack of Holding, takes out a small Bluetooth speaker, puts it, and it fills a section of the tape shape, and as he takes his hand off, because it leaves his person, it suddenly has a shadow that fills the rest of the tape shape. All of the shapes are places to put things that he carries in his bag that as soon as he lets go of them, the shadow will fill up the rest of the space in the tape. So he takes the-
Aabria: This is so good. What?
Brennan: He has the speaker on kind of quiet, but immediately puts on a playlist of hype music, and then, everything that he has is either disposable or tough, right?
Aabria: Yeah.
Brennan: Shoes are tough. Coat is tough. T-shirt, disposable. Socks, disposable. I think he takes an air mattress and a little battery-powered motor to start filling up an air mattress, has a fitted sheet around it, little twin air mattress, and he goes to a corner and puts up a little Chimeron pennant that says, "Mess with the goat, get the horns."
AabriaYou unpack your life and fill up your small space with the things that make this home, but you take it with you, because even now, with all of the things you do and you've seen and the life you've made for yourself, it's really hard to drop the instincts that have kept you alive until now. Stay light. Stay mobile. Stay useful. Stay busy. You just got back from a
shift at a petrol station, and two days before that, you were running errands for Dr. Boodle, running up to his spot with Stitchnit up at the Faroe Islands and moving things around to Iceland, communicating with Tunavik or whatever's left of it. Why do you stay so busy? Why do you think?
Brennan: There's nothing pleasant in rest. I think that he has music playing almost right away when he gets home. The bed starts to inflate. Takes out a very small screen that can fit through the opening of a backpack, takes out a console, loads up "Fortnite."
Lou: What's up, dude? Let's go.
Brennan: I got that "Fortnite" coin.
Lou: Gotta spend that "Fortnite" coin.
Aabria: It's been years!
Brennan: It would've been insulting. But here's the thing, it's the first video game he ever played, because he thought it would be rude not to play it, and now-
Lou: Shit, it's free.
[players laughing]
Brennan: You know, I think he has the music playing. He's playing the video game. Everything is quiet because he doesn't want to be a bad neighbor and he doesn't want to be noticed and he wants to have his wits about him, and I think that he will play "Fortnite" way, way late, and then when he can't physically stand the big overhead light anymore 'cause all the lights in the place- he doesn't have any standing lamps, it's all the overhead, he'll get into his air mattress and he has a sort of cheap blanket, but it's actually kind of nice to him. You know, it's like, it's very puffy. It's made out of fake shit, but it's very puffy and cheap and nice, and it just has little goats on it, has some farmyard animals, and as he goes to bed, he gets out his phone and will scroll TikTok or Reels or something until the sun comes up.
Aabria: You finish your little process, and there's a moment in transition when bed calls because it hurts to affect staying awake, and your eyes glance out at everything, and that light is so bright. I need a Mark roll, difficulty of 14.
Brennan: Mark, difficulty 14. You know what, I'll burn one and have a Lucky Break.
Aabria: Amazing.
Brennan: So that's an eight, and you said 14?
Aabria: Mm-hm.
Brennan: So this needs to be a six or higher.
Aabria: Just needs to be a six.
Brennan: That's a three. I don't make it.
Aabria: That's okay. You stare out at the shadows perfectly in their place. There's something to the prescribed order of where you've put everything, and the thing that you know about brains that will create something in stillness and in rest, you think you see a shadow get just a little too long for a second. It goes away. It seems fine. You move on, cuddle up in your little bed, and then you hear, as you're scrolling, nothing new in the group chat, nothing new or interesting online, the sound of something alighting on your windowsill, that open window.
Evan points his wand at the open window.
Aabria: [laughs] Oh! Immediately.
Brennan: Yeah, I am ready to attack whatever is in this space.
Aabria: You hear it land, and then you see, as you're pointing and waiting, a little wing waves from just outside of your view, and slowly, a little origami storm petrel peeks around, gives you a little head.
Brennan: An origami storm petrel?
Aabria: Yeah, it's a little seven-inch bird that exists in the Faroe Islands, and when Dr. Boodle… This is a thing you would know because you have stayed around. You stayed around Gowpenny.
Brennan: Now who's got bird facts?
Aabria: You think I was going to show up to this season-
Lou: Yeah, you called ours birds.
Aabria: Yeah!
Lou: You called his a storm petrel.
Aabria: That's because Evan's the reason it is that bird. One of the first big problems, Gowpenny broke. You were there working as a custodian when it happened, the last quake that made it so clear to everyone that whatever was happening as the magic was changing, Gowpenny became unstable. And you were working as a custodian. You stayed, you graduated. People moved on and you stayed. But Boodle has always looked out for you, and as he moved out and away, he of course offered and extended that hand to you, and you saw it. Things were becoming difficult within this wizarding community, and the first to go were the owls. Disenchanted, they could not be sort of begged to do anything, to send messages, and as the storm was building, and you know about the storm, you had to find a way to communicate, 'cause there were still people that you liked, that you knew, that you went to school with, that you went to work with, that stayed within the thing that built around the school that broke. And then you split the difference, because you remembered that short distance messages were usually sent by little paper airplanes, and they got around and they moved through magic and the world just fine. And together, you developed a little bird, a reminder of the communication that was. Something new to try to
weather the way magic is now, and this little bird knows the deal. There have been many birds before that learned the lesson the hard way. It peeks around and hops forward.
Evan: Hey. Hey, little guy. Oh, I'm sorry, come in! Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
Aabria: And you see a sort of expanding of the space made in its chest as it almost gives a little sigh, and it doesn't make any bird sounds, but you hear the sort of gentle crackle and exhale as it comes in and flaps and lands on your hand.
Brennan: He looks around at the stuff that's around here and opens the bird with a sense of, thank god something's happening.
Aabria: Yeah, it unfolds quickly, and this is a note from someone who communicates with you often that is not trying to affect a sense of familiarity.
Evan, earliest convenience, got a project.
Brennan: Evan folds up the bird and just writes, "On my way," and... [exhales sharply] And I think Evan immediately gets his whole life deflated, everything in the bag. The wi-fi thing and the cameras and motion sensors, he doesn't even, he has compartmentalized… Those aren't his belongings because he can't take them with him. Those live at the apartment. He puts everything back in the backpack and pulls out a long wooden rod, and then the bristles of a push broom, screws the rod in, goggles, electronic compass, analog material compass, rain slicker, on the broom, out the window.
Aabria: It was not raining. I just want to be very clear about that.
[players laughing]
Brennan: I won't be able to change if it hits midair!
Aabria: Fair enough.
Brennan: Be ready. Always be ready.
Aabria: You take off, and as you go, the little bird that went to go take off and give the message back sees how quickly you followed, and instead diverts and lands at the tip of your broom, and will fly back with you.
Brennan: I give it a little pat.
Evan: Way to go, buddy.
Aabria: It just hunkers down, kind of gives you a look. You know what, luck check. We're just going to see. It rains.
[thunder claps and Erika laughs]
Evan: Fucking knew it!
Aabria: You get out over the open ocean, and yeah, move through some squalls. Your bird stays safe, you stay safe, and you very quickly arrive where you all were headed, the very southern island of the Faroe Islands. You land. It takes you-
[Danielle gasps] [Danielle and Erika giggle]
Lou: Wow.
Aabria: You land just as the sun is rising, and it is a gray, rainy day here. It's a town of a couple hundred people called Sumba, and-
Lou: Sumba?
Aabria: Yeah.
Lou: Sumba.
Aabria: You arrive at Sumba, at the very southern tip of Suðuroy and you make your way past the sort of edge of the little red, brightly colored buildings, and the little town on a dock looking out over the ocean and you see all of these beautiful sea stacks and cliffs and formations and birds and ife and nature and greenery, and push past it to a little cottage at the end of a road that goes from paved to dirt, now muddy. Just the little yellow and blue home of Dr. Boodle, who as you walk up, crunching on the pavement, immediately throws open the door.
Dr. Boodle: Evan!
Evan: Dr. B!
Dr. Boodle: Hi!
Evan: It's so good to see you.
Dr. Boodle: Hi! You are wet. I sent a plane ticket.
Evan: My documents are all forgeries.
Dr. Boodle: Mm-hm.
Evan: Because I'm a nonexistent person, legally, and so I basically just have the things I need to have a place of residence and work in the UK, but I am American and I'm registered as American, and so a passport is something that I… And also, I have a bunch of weapons in my backpack, so flying is-
Dr. Boodle: What'd we say about the weapons?
Evan: Well, you say one thing about the weapons.
Dr. Boodle: Yeah. What did I say?
Evan: I say a different-
Dr. Boodle: What have I said about the weapons?
Evan: You said the weapons are not necessary or recommended.
Dr. Boodle: Yeah! The tasks that you engage with don't require bladed and blunt instruments, I think. I think.
Evan: Yeah.
Dr. Boodle: And-
Evan: Yeah, thus far.
Dr. Boodle: Why don't you come in?
Evan: Thank you.
Dr. Boodle: Have you eaten? Do you need anything?
Evan: I'm starving. I would love something.
Dr. Boodle: Yeah, absolutely. David is over… He's off the island. He's with Maddie. They're doing some… It's school stuff. She's thinking about doing college in the US.
Evan: Well, I don't recommend that.
[Danielle and Erika laugh]
Dr. Boodle: What? What do you mean? Are you… Okay, I'm not going to get alarmist. I am… We talked about this. This is my first experience with parenthood. I'm trying to be a good partner. Stitchnit's great, and I want to be here for her. She's moving on, and I need to know right now if you're being sort of alarmist, or telling me a thing I need to know and communicate to him, because I'm already spinning up here in a big way and everyone's going to be here soon, and I just need to-
Evan : So, college diploma is a predictor for success, but that's not necessarily rigorously applied against the other economic factors that would make someone… In other words, if you are from a wealthy family, you will go to college, so is that predictor worthwhile? But there's basically only three reasons to go.
Dr. Boodle: Uh-huh.
Evan: One would be, you're studying a trade that you actually have to learn in a higher institution. Law and medicine are the sort of classic examples. Number two would be actually sort of expanding your horizons in which case, if you're going to go, you should go to a state school, 'cause there's not actually a difference in terms of quality of education. That's sort of a scandal.
Dr. Boodle: It's all-
Evan: It's a scam. And then number three would be, basically… Oh, some schools, they don't put in the brochure, but what they're selling is-
Dr. Boodle: Hey, Evan? What do you think, is one of your three things maybe, she was raised inside of a society that has crumbled in a pretty fundamental way in the last couple years, and maybe spending some more time within institutions that can teach her sort of NAMP normalcy might be a good thing for her? Do we think that falls… I'm not trying to bring you
any energy. What do you… I'm going to make a sandwich. I'm going to make a sandwich. Do you-
Evan: That hadn't occurred to me, what you said.
Dr. Boodle: Okay, she's just… She's 17, she's about to go into the world, and she's going to be an adult. What do you do if you don't have a… I just want her to have a good life.
Evan: Yeah, hey. [chuckles] When you crack that riddle... [chuckles]
Dr. Boodle: Do you like mustard? I don't remember if you like mustard.
Evan: Love mustard.
Dr. Boodle: Okay.
Aabria: He's going to continue making you a sandwich.
Dr. Boodle: I have something kind of crazy to ask you. You know what, I'm going to wait for you all to sort of get here. I really thought you were going to be arriving later today, so it could kind of happen all at once.
Aabria: And you see that Dr. Boodle looks so nervous and frazzled. You, peeking into the house, it's only a couple rooms, and you have an eyeline on all of them from sort of your spot at the kitchen island, and you see that the place that he's been stockpiling and storing and doing all of his research, all of the bits and bobs of magical ephemera that he was able to take with him from Gowpenny, everything's in disarray. There's papers everywhere, and stacks and stacks of the dark gray paper used to make those origami birds, just preparing to send more messages.
Evan: Well, yeah, I guess you can wait for the rest of the pilot program.
Dr. Boodle: Want some coffee? Do you want anything else?
Evan: Sure.
Dr. Boodle: Okay.
Evan: I will never turn down an offer, so whatever is good, I'll have it.
Dr. Boodle: Evan, that's concerning.
Evan: Okay. You seem nervous.
Dr. Boodle: Yeah.
Evan: Is everything all right?
Dr. Boodle: Yes. Things aren't going well with Boudicca, and I'm just running out of options.
Evan: Things aren't going well?
Dr. Boodle: She doesn't agree, and I just need to… There's a conversation that needs to happen, and I don't know if I can do it, so I was hoping you would. Do you want to go with me to go pick up people from the airport? Do you want to go together?
Evan: Yes.
Dr. Boodle: Do you ever say no?
Evan: Now, this is a funny opportunity for me.
Dr. Boodle: There you go, yeah. What're you gonna do?
Evan: Let's go to the airport.
Dr. Boodle: I feel like somehow, you sidestepped that. Incredible!
Aabria: And as he picks up his sort of raincoat to go outside and jump in an old 1990s Ford Bronco that's been sort of painfully maintained, he puts his hand on your shoulder and just says,
Dr. Boodle: We have to figure something out. I don't think we can keep going on like this.
Evan: No. I've tried to be as helpful as I can. I've gotten-
Dr. Boodle: You've done everything.
Evan: Everything you needed me to get, I wanted to get, and everything hopefully is building up to being able to fix what got broken.
Dr. Boodle: I think we can fix it. I think we just need a little more help.
Evan: Well, great. If the pilot program's on the way back, then I have a ton of… I would be optimistic.
Aabria: You hop in the car, and very quickly, Boodle lapses into silence, and it's not a short drive, but he's so focused, you see him almost muttering things under his breath, preparing a speech or a spiel to give. Is there anything Evan would focus on or try to do in the intervening time?
Brennan: Boodle's muttering to himself and having a hard time? I think he'll look at Dr. Boodle and try to analyze him in a maybe disconcerting way of being like, if he's muttering and kind of spacing out, Evan's going to be like...
Aabria: Go ahead and give me, we're going to say Mind roll, difficulty of 12.
Brennan: I am going to halve it and succeed.
Aabria: That's right, the half mechanic works. You just sort of watch him and analyze, and this is a person that I don't know if you have a lot of experience of someone keeping information from you for any other reason than to sort of protect you from it. It's a little condescending. You are a full adult. But it is inherently protective. Things have not been going well. You see the very specific formation of his lips around Boudicca, and convincing, and finding, and understanding, and research. You've done as much as could be expected of you to try to help assist the things that have been broken, and this is very clearly someone who's about to throw a Hail Mary.
Brennan: I'll observe all of that, get self-conscious because he doesn't want to share it with me, turn the radio on. Flip flip flip flip flip flip flip. ♪ I don't want to be anything ♪
[Aabria guffaws]
Brennan: And I'm going to take out-
Aabria: I hate a world in which Nickelback gets played in-
Brennan: Well, that's Gavin DeGraw.
Aabria: Oh, sweet, fair. Damn, I got caught. You can take a magic mote for that.
Brennan: Thank you! And then I'm going to open my phone, open a library app, and keep reading a book about some arcane, weird thing. Just being like, well, he doesn't want to talk to me. All right. Radio, phone.
Aabria: The time passes, and eventually, you're at a small little airfield, and the four of you who have had to take a flight to Copenhagen, because the Faroe Islands are technically a part of Denmark, but it's an autonomous set of islands. Easiest way to get to the middle of nowhere in the Northern Atlantic
Ocean is to stop there first and take puddle-jumpers to the main island, and then a smaller one to a little airfield here at the southern tip. And all of a sudden, three years feels like just a couple days, and the four of you are standing on a tarmac in the rain, together again for the first time in years.
Jammer: Damn, I promised my boys I was gonna bring back champagne. There was no champagne on that flight. I'll tell you that.
Sam: There wasn't any champagne?
Jammer: Oh shit, dog!
Evan: Yeah! Here we go! [cheering] What's up, man?
Jammer: What's up, baby? [grunts]
Evan: Big hug. No champagne? How long was the layover in Copenhagen?
Jammer: I mean that, there was plenty of time there, but I thought... I told my boys, I was like, damn, I got multiple connecting flights. That's multiple business classes. But there was really only one business class to Copenhagen, and then a bunch of small-
Evan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jammer: ...propeller engine flights where I was like, I'm gonna die! But I made it, dog! Wow.
Erika: K pulls off a VR headset.
Aabria[coughing]
Erika: And-
Aabria: Incredible.
K: Yes, hello. Gang, it's so good to see you! Hello, Jammer!
Jammer: Good to see you.
K: Jammer, I've been keeping up with your scores in basketball. It's fantastic, you're doing a fantastic job. Have you considered using mathematics to up your game?
Jammer: No, but-
K: Amazing. We can crunch the numbers.
Jammer: Yeah, we'll get into it.
K: Sam!
Sam: Honey, K! Gimme, gimme, gimme hug, hug, hug, hug, hug!
K: The light of my life!
Sam: I missed you so much. You look amazing.
K: Oh, thank you. You look amazing!
Sam: Thank you, thank you so much. And Jammer, congratulations. Do you get to play with Angel Reese? I love her so much.
Jammer: No, 'cause we're on different teams and play in different leagues. She's honestly better than most of my team. It would be like an honor. But respect, dude. Your clips are going viral constantly, dude. Tony Danza out there singing by himself? That shit was hilarious!
Sam: He's so nice. You should come meet him, Tony's great.
Jammer: Shit, you know Tony Danza?
Sam: Yeah, he does a good gabagool.
Jammer: He does a what?
Sam: I don't know, that's what they call it. Gabagool?
Evan: Capocollo.
K: Capocollo, yeah, it's meats.
Sam: Meat. He does good meat.
Jammer: Sick! Of course Tony Danza does good meat, dog.
Sam: He always has meat. It's really good meat.
Evan: Been a couple weeks. Good to see you, Sam.
Sam: It's been so good to see you. How have you been? You settling in?
Evan: Oh yeah, cozy, comfy. K, good to see you.
K: Hey, Evan. You are looking well.
Evan: Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Aabria: I need Jammer and Sam to absolutely give me a Mark roll.
Lou: Please. Insane. You're looking well?
Aabria: You're looking well!
Lou: What?
Aabria: Difficulty of four.
Lou: I only got a two.
Danielle: I got a two. We're succeeding this.
Lou: Yeah, okay, let's do it. We're succeeding.
Danielle: I'm nosy, I'm real nosy.
Aabria: Great. This is going to be more of a jump in on both of your minds. We're going to treat this like an Insight check. What is the expression that everyone reads on K's face?
Erika: Well, first of all, I am wearing anti-surveillance makeup, so it's a little harder to clock exactly what's happening.
Aabria: Okay, impressive.
Erika: But also, I'm very casual. Very casual.
Aabria: Uh-huh.
Erika: Incredibly casual. Intensely casual.
Aabria: Intensely casual. What are they getting off of Evan?
Brennan: There's a meeting coming up with Dr. Boodle that all four of us are going to be at. Nothing is going to happen in this meeting at the airport that is going to be so awkward that we're not going to get there, so I think you watch Evan go like, “okay, you're going to see K again. Just be polite and just move through this space without being strange. Basically, just don't do too much now. This moment is going to happen, and then later, it will be over.”
Aabria: Wow, great. Totally casual vibes.
Jammer: Everybody's face is so structured right now.
Sam: I don't think either one of them have cracked-
Jammer: It feels like it's like an architect made a structure of a smiling, kind of chill face.
Sam: Yeah, can you reverse Botox, where Botox only makes things move and smile and stay that way?
Jammer: Seems to be possible.
Sam: Yeah.
Aabria: You hear the slamming of doors as Boodle has finished grabbing all of your luggage from this last puddle-jumper and has thrown it in the back, and just is waving.
Jammer: Right, Suðuroy ain't ready, dog!
Sam: Hey!
K: Hi, Dr. Boodle! It's lovely to see you.
Evan: There's a bunch-
Dr. Boodle: Come in. I've got so much to tell you about, and you're in… Hi! It's so good to see you.
Jammer: Hey, what's up, dude?
Dr. Boodle: Hi!
Jammer: Dr. B! Sorry, I shouldn't call you dude like that.
Dr. Boodle: No, it's fine. I'm not… I'm just Dr. B now.
Jammer: So we can just call you… But can we call you by your name, or do we have to call you Dr. B?
Dr. Boodle: Hmm, I like that I got my PhD, so I'm going to ask that maybe just Dr. B is good.
Jammer: Respect.
Dr. Boodle: Thanks. Thank you.
Evan: Sumba's a lot of fun.
Jammer: Sumba!
Dr. Boodle: Yeah, yeah, there's a lot to do here. I actually do need to do a little bit of sightseeing. Can we get in the car? We got things to do.
Jammer: Sure, let's do it.
Evan: Man, Arctic terns. Storm petrels. I saw a puffin.
K: [gasps]
Dr. Boodle: So many puffins. They eat puffins here!
Jammer: Like the cereal?
Sam: They eat them?
Dr. Boodle: Mm-hm.
Evan: So, the cereal's named after a bird, which is basically a-
K: They're like penguins but they got little beaks.
Evan: And northern.
K: Yeah.
Dr. Boodle: Yeah.
W: Sick. This place is cool.
Aabria: And as you guys get in, you are taken across scenic countryside and almost terrifyingly windy roads as the weather worsens, and you are taken past scenic cliffs, till eventually, you come down to a low area and a little dock, and Dr. B kind of turns and goes,
Dr. Boodle: I was hoping there would be better weather, but what I need to show you and sort of ask of you requires that we get on a boat, if that's okay. I don't-
K: It's okay, I have not felt the rain on my face in quite a long time.
Jammer: Can I be real?
K: Hmm?
Jammer: You stink.
[stifled laughter]
Dr. Boodle: You can't… No, I'm not your teacher.
Jammer: We just gotta be real. We're all inside a car. I just want you to know in case you don't know.
K: I appreciate your honesty.
Jammer: I just had to say it, you know? 'Cause we're all thinking it, right?
Evan: You can't put that on me in the context of what's happening.
Jammer: Come on, y'all. Y'all don't smell that?
Evan: Let's get on the boat.
Sam: I'm holding a pig, so-
K: Yeah!
Aabria: Dr. B has barrel-rolled out of this to avoid the conversation. T2 is there. Teddy has been sort of within a beautiful flap of your sleeves and has not poked his head out, and yeah, Boodle kind of moves to the end of a slip, and there's a little dinghy, and it's motorized, but there is no over-cover, so you guys are sodden as he takes you out around the bay and towards a bunch of sea stacks and island formations. And a sea stack is those little sort of pillars of islands that are never big enough for people to really do anything or be on that sort of project out of the island, and he takes you out and sort of looks at you and he's like,
Dr. Boodle: Didn't really get a chance to tell you about this the last time you were in town, because you were running things for me, but I did find some research about this sort of stack over here.
Aabria: And he points at one that's wider than a lot of the other ones you've seen. If you could get a little closer, it would maybe be probably 50 feet across, but it's an arch, and there's open air under it. He pulls up the boat and stops, and you guys are kind of just drifting on water that's getting choppier and choppier. He's like,
Dr. Boodle: Okay, this is kind of… Sorry, again, I thought this was going to be more scenic. This is something I found in an old language. Best I can interpret, it's Serpent's Watch? Serpent's Watch, Serpent Eye, something… That doesn't matter, but it can do this.
Aabria: He pulls out his wand, and it's interlaced and wrapped in very delicate, sort of British ivy climbing up an almost ebony-colored wand. He just points it and attempts magic. Nothing happens. You see a lot of things wash over his face. Frustration, a little embarrassment, something that, as one of your teachers at Gowpenny, just shouldn't happen. He tries again, and one more time, then you see it. A filminess across that inner arch, like a massive soap bubble being stretched across the craggy face. He goes,
Dr. Boodle: We're a little off.
Aabria: And he turns the engine on again and gets you in front of it so you can look through it, and it's like a telescope limned in rainbow that sort of pushes across the open water. You can only see a couple hundred yards into the open sea, but then you feel it, something at the edge that lets you know that you're being zoomed towards something, that this unbroken gray and choppy water is actually farther and farther afield, until there's something there within the gray. Evan, you recognize this, if not by vision, but then by reputation. This massive storm, clouds and debris and rainwater and seawater pushing perfectly horizontally, tearing up so high that it looks like it touches whatever the edge of the sky is and churns far below the water.
Dr. Boodle: So, this is the thing. In that direction, at the center of whatever that storm is, is Gowpenny.
Evan: What?
Dr. Boodle: Those earthquakes. When we left, something happened. There's a storm. It's, best we know, and it's hard to get close, hundreds of miles across.
Evan: Okay, hundreds of miles across, but you're certain that at the center of it, Gowpenny is there?
Dr. Boodle: Yeah… because there's people in it too. Whatever's happening inside there, there are places… It's a storm, it's a vortex, but there's people… People were there when it happened, and people go there now. They're drawn there. Boudicca and some of the other wizards that chose to stay behind have found their way to islands in there, and… All of the birds, those birds you got, because they are magic and the storm is magic, they can pass through, but mundane things, things from this world don't usually survive contact in there. But that's the thing I have to ask you, and I just want to be so clear. It feels terrible and unfair of me to ask you this, but I'm just out of options. I've been trying to communicate with Boudicca and some of the other magical community about turning the thrust of their study away from reclaiming the magic that was. It's gone. It's… It's gone, but if we could figure out what this is, whatever is left, whatever we have, if we knew how it worked, maybe we could build a future where magic can be for everyone, and we can understand it and use it and make everyone's life better. Maybe we can't make the world we had before. I think it's okay that we don't have the world we had before but I can't convince her. I'm not your teacher anymore. I can't tell you what to do. I can't command you to action, and I can be very honest when I say Boudicca is a stone cold bitch and doesn't listen. Yeah, we know. She's so mean. But I think, if not her… You guys changed the world in months by just talking to the other students there, to the other people there. And if you can, I need you to go into the storm and find Boudicca and the wizards there and convince them.
Sam: I have a question.
Dr. Boodle: Sure, yeah. Yeah, of course. There's so many questions, yeah. Oh my god, yeah.
Sam: Just a quick one.
Dr. Boodle: No, yeah.
Sam: So, nothing from the material world can get in there.
Dr. Boodle: It's more like boats or planes.
Sam: Okay, but we can get into there.
Dr. Boodle: Oh, oh my god, oh yeah, yes.
Sam: Will we be naked?
Dr. Boodle: What?
Sam: Because this is from-
Dr. Boodle: Naked?
Sam: ...the non-magical world.
Dr. Boodle: Oh!
Sam: So if we go in there, will my clothes melt off?
K: Also, you know, electronic devices?
Dr. Boodle: Your clothes and electronic devices will be fine.
Sam: Okay. I mean, I would've been okay with it. I'll be naked for magic.
K: It was not a dealbreaker.
Dr. Boodle: Don't be okay with being naked. You don't have to be okay with that.
Sam: No, it'd be fine.
Dr. Boodle: If you want to be naked, you can be naked. Do not be fine with ending up naked. I'm not your teacher. You can do whatever you want.
Brennan: I'm being quiet, but I was really grateful that you asked that question
'cause I was also worried the storm was gonna zap my clothes off.
Sam: Well, I just want to be prepared, right? If it's gonna, then we could take something that would be from there, and then we could drape ourselves.
Jammer: Yeah, you gotta know if it's like "Terminator" rules or not, you know?
Sam: You gotta know "Terminator" rules!
Jammer: Always gotta ask if it's "Terminator" rules.
Sam: Yeah.
Aabria: Boodle's looking at you like, you were my hope to be normal.
Jammer: I don't know, man. Is this, like, dangerous?
Dr. Boodle: I'm not going to lie to you. I... [sighs] I think there is danger there, 'cause it's the unknown, and I don't know what's on the other side of it. And yeah, I don't think I ever apologized to you all. You were brought to Gowpenny because everyone thought you were the worst people for the job of proving-
K: What?
Dr. Boodle: Yeah, you kind of get that, right? You four… Okay. Okay.
Sam: I don't like hearing that out loud.
Dr. Boodle: Okay, I'm sorry.
K: We kind of knew, but you didn't have to-
Jammer: I feel like I heard it from the bad woman, but hearing from our friend is kind of like-
Dr. Boodle: No, I didn't-
Jammer: You also were like, aw, damn.
Dr. Boodle: No. I mean, a little. You did show up in basketball shorts.
Jammer: Oh-ho!
Dr. Boodle: No, I'm sorry! I don't mean that in a bad way! I feel like I'm fucking-
Jammer: I respect your-
Evan: You guys magic your shit away.
Dr. Boodle: Yeah, that is-
Evan: You don't have toilets in your buildings, so for you, even the guy who's on our side, to have anything to say about basketball shorts is way over the line.
Jammer: That's my man over there.
Dr. Boodle: Okay.
K: Yeah. We'll go. But also, I think-
Jammer: Wait, what did you say?
Evan: K.
Jammer: K, what'd you say?
Evan: Jammer has not said that he will go.
Jammer: Yeah, I want to be clear! You were so confident-
Dr. Boodle: Great!
Aabria: Boodle immediately takes the boat and starts booking it back towards the mainland.
Evan: Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Dr. Boodle: We're doing it! Yeah, keep talking amongst yourselves. I got the yes!
K: But we… Oh.
Brennan: I'm going to take out my phone and prepare a fake email address to email the gas station with a forged hospital report in case I don't make it back and don't want to lose my job.
Lou: I see you gotta let the petrol station know that you got hit by a car so they won't fire you so you can back to work at the petrol station after the dangerous mission.
Brennan: Yeah.
Lou: What's the sister's email?
Brennan: Melissa Kelmp.
[Aabria laughs]
Lou: Not bad.
Jammer: K, I don't know if I want to go on the mission.
K: Oh, well-
Jammer: You know, I was like… I honestly thought we were going to be doing something more chill, you know, seeing cereal birds or whatever and just kind of hanging out. I'm supposed to be back, working out.
Dr. Boodle: I don't mean to cut you off. I'm so sorry, I'm still just right here, and I know you have to talk amongst yourselves. I did get the yes and I am really banking hard on that. But I do want to say, my best understanding is, this is just a couple days.
K: You got a couple days?
Jammer: Yeah, I got a couple days. Spring break's 10 days, so if it's just a couple days, we'll hang out, see some cereal birds, save magic or something, and I'll be back in time for Summer League, that I can do.
Dr. Boodle: Great.
Sam: Great.
Danielle: Sam just pulls out her phone.
Sam: Call Jamie Thorp.
Aabria: Calling Jamie Thorp.
[phone ringing]
Jamie: Hello.
Sam: Hey, Jamie!
Jamie: Hi. Where are you?
Sam: Hey, it's Sam Britain.
Jamie: Yes, I know. Oh, I know.
Sam: From the show we work on.
Jamie: Yeah, from the show you left.
Sam: Yeah.
Jamie: How are you?
Sam: Good.
Jamie: Where are you?
Sam: I'm in Sumpter or something.
Jamie: Sumpter?
Sam: I'm going to be gone for a couple days.
Jamie: What do you mean?
Sam: There's a magic whirlpool, and a horrible teacher's in it, and we have to go there for some reason.
Jamie: Okay, I feel like I'm being pranked.
Sam: There's a bird here that's named after cereal.
Evan: [whispering] Other way around.
Sam: There's a cereal here that's named after a bird.
Evan: We don't have the cereal here. We just have the bird.
Sam: We don't have the cereal, we just have the bird.
Jammer: You guys don't have Puffins here?
Evan: No, they don't have Puffins in Sumba.
Jamie: Puffins?
Evan: It's an American brand.
Jamie: You're somewhere where there are puffins?
Sam: Yeah, but I'll totally be back. Just have Tony take over the week.
Jamie: He doesn't work here!
Sam: No, but he-
Jamie: He has a jazz career!
Sam: I know!
Jamie: I just found out! I've been talking to him for a day and a half, and he will not stop talking-
Sam: Well, he just keeps texting-
Jamie: ...about Thelonious Monk.
Sam: He keeps texting me in scat. I think he wants to practice. We should let him practice scat. Okay, I'll talk to you when I get back!
Evan: Tony Danza texts you in scat? He spells it out phonetically?
Sam: Yeah, see? Look.
K: Beedle-boop-bop, skibbidy-dee?
Evan: It's wild that from the text, just the phonetics of the letters he's choosing, I can tell that he's not a natural.
Jammer: Yeah, you know, it is effort.
Evan: There's a lot of effort.
Sam: We're really supportive, though.
K: Jamie, hello, you do not know me, and you do not need to know my name, but just know that I am a fan and a great supporter and a dear friend of Sam's. You should run a best-of clip show. That should last for a week, if necessary.
Jamie: That's actually a very good idea.
K: Yes, very good.
Jamie: Yeah, run the clip show. No, the one we made if she died.
Sam: I'm sorry, the one you made if I what?
Jamie: Great, see you in 72.
Sam: I'm sorry, the one you made-
[phone beeping]
Sam: Oh, and that's gone. Okay. Well, I guess I'm also covered if I die, so that's-
K: All right.
Sam: ...good to know.
K: Just give me a moment. I'm going in. All right. Okay, I'm pushing live the updates for the ARG. Curds, and do you know the whey? All right. Through the looking glass.
Aabria: It's at this point, while this is happening, and K is truly just sitting in the dinghy by themselves, Teddy's going to just appear out of a sleeve and just sort of walk forward in front of you.
Theodore: Hello, so nice to see you again. Hi.
Jammer: Oh shit, Theodore.
Theodore: Yeah, hi. Yeah, ooh, Jammer. It's really good to see you, hi, hi. They'll be doing this for a little while.
K: Cannot be traced.
Jammer: This happens a lot?
Theodore: It's mostly this, yeah. I just play Balloon Pop.
Evan: How are they getting a signal out here? I mean, for the VR? That's incredible.
Theodore: I don't know.
K: I'm in.
Jammer: Also, it's water resistant?
Theodore: I don't know.
Evan: Yeah, it's coming down.
Brennan: Evan's going to take his rain slicker, and just thunk, throw it over.
Theodore: So, best I can tell, this is going to happen…
Aabria: He once again pulls out his grandpappy's oversized pocket watch.
Jammer: God, I forgot how cute you are.
Theodore: Thank you!
Jammer: It's just been a minute, man, you know? I'm not around magic shit that often, you know? Goddamn.
Theodore: I have a little pipe. Bubbles come out.
Aabria: He starts smoking his little pipe.
K: Yellow brick road. All right, and we're live.
Theodore: Oh, this one was faster.
K: Okay!
Theodore: Normally like five minutes.
K: Let's do this!
Evan: All right.
Sam: Okay.
Aabria: Dr. Boodle has moved onto the dock and moved over to a massive set of blue utility tarps, and just,
Dr. Boodle: So, the reason… This is what I was meaning to say earlier before I absolutely bungled it with all of you. Before, you were called in because everyone thought you were the wrong people for the job, and for my part in that, I am sorry too. But I do believe with my whole heart that you are the exact right people for this, and it's not because this thing has exactly four seats.
Aabria: And rips off the tarp, and you see in front of you, like a top, but with four little handle sets and pedals like a bike pointed inward. Some of you are 21, some of you are in college and have been out in the world and have maybe experienced the joy and magic of a pedal pub, those little bikes that you ride around, and apparently you're pedaling helps, but probably not.
Brennan: [giggles]
Aabria: And this thing, again, so strangely shaped and weirdly balanced. Boodle sort of slaps the edge of it. It's dark wood and old iron. He says,
Dr. Boodle: Okay, so here's the thing. All of the things that were made before magic broke, anything that was made of magic and not something mundane and enchanted, all of that magic stayed, and in the last couple years, most things are grabbed and stripped for parts and taken to make something new, to recycle and try to hold onto some of what was. And this is apparently transport, and if I'm being totally honest, kind of whimsical even by wizard standards.
Evan: And that's saying something.
Dr. Boodle: Yeah, yeah, we can just call that what it is. But if you sit on it and you pedal, the pedals just… I don't think the pedal's what makes it run. It's magic, and you do have to pedal, but it'll work, and I think it will allow you to move through the storm unscathed, with your clothes and your tech intact. I've put onto it anything I thought could be useful to you, and yeah, come with me.
Aabria: And he starts to kind of climb up on it and gives you a tour of this thing that looks like it's been made of pieces of old magic and furniture and raw iron from different ages. You see at the center of it what could best be described as an orrery, a system of orbs in relation to one another standing over an ancient medieval sort of marginalia zodiac.
Dr. Boodle: I think this is our best chance at a map of what's going on inside. I'm not sure, I haven't been in there, and again, I can't operate this alone. I'll give you everything I can. A map, and the thing I need you to deliver. Even if you can't convince them, it's fine. It's not a mission failure. I just need you to see this. I call it Tabby.
Evan: Tabby?
Dr. Boodle: Yeah, Tabby. I pulled it out when we were leaving during the earthquake. I was kind of just grabbing anything that wasn't nailed down and it took until pretty recently before I got it to respond.
Aabria: And he gestures at some awkwardly welded on, strapped-in stone that's sitting inside the orrery, and he goes,
Dr. Boodle: So, I need you to deliver these two pieces to Boudicca, because I think if I can't convince her with words about what to do for the greatest good, then maybe I can bribe her with a magical thing, and this is very good, and it's super helpful.
Jammer: That right there?
Dr. Boodle: Yeah. Yeah, it's magical, and it does a thing.
Jammer: And that one too?
Dr. Boodle: Yeah, they both do. Can you… You just have to turn on. Please? It is a really weird, stubborn thing, but if it… I think it's enough that she can use it as a resource. It doesn't matter, just go in, deliver this, try to convince them to be different, and something… This is my last shot. Your words-
Jammer: Oh.
Kay screams.
Dr. Boodle: What? Oh, it's on! Great! Hi, can you just explain really quickly?
Jammer: Can it?
Dr. Boodle: Please. Please. It's fine.
Jammer: Hey yo, is that thing about to talk? Is it really gonna talk?
Dr. Boodle: Sometimes it-
Jammer: I'm not ready if it talks.
Evan: It's about to talk.
Jammer: I'm not ready if it talks!
K: Tabby?
Evan: We had a conversation with a chipmunk less than 15 minutes ago.
Jammer: That's chill!
Dr. Boodle: Just do it, please! You can talk. You're making me look bad!
Tabby: I understand.
Jammer: Oh my fucking god, dude.
Dr. Boodle: Thank you! Thank you!
Jammer: What the fuck is going on?
Dr. Boodle: Exactly. Don't turn off! Okay, anyway-
Jammer: You're telling me that rock's gonna talk sometimes?
Dr. Boodle: Yeah, I can't… It understands. It can help. It has information. It's from something very old that was a part of the castle that was sort of upturned when everything was break- It would be better if you… Whatever. Please deliver this to Philtrum and try to convince her or the others to take up the task of figuring out the new magic. I think this can help, if it wants. Will you go? Look-
Jammer: Pilot program, can we have a quick team meeting? Just a quick huddle? Man, this shit is weird, dog!
K: I love him.
Jammer: Who, the rock?
K: Yes!
Sam: I want to talk to the rock.
Jammer: Oh my god. Y'all like the rock?
Sam: I'm gonna-
Jammer: He ain't got a big pocket watch or a grandpappy.
K: We don't know that.
Jammer: Fair.
Evan: We don't know how many things the rock can say.
Jammer: So you want to get… You're interested in kind of the depth-
Evan: Maybe it can say awesome different stuff. Maybe we should ask it if it can say, "Come on closer, Tony Danza."
K: It's, "Hold me closer, Tony Danza."
Evan: Well, not the way Tony Danza's saying it on "Britain's Got Magic."
Sam: It's true.
Jammer: That was song about 20 or 23, he was running on fumes.
Evan: He looked bad.
Jammer: He looked bad.
Evan: The makeup had sweat off and he was stumbling around.
Jammer: It was fucking amazing.
Evan: Why didn't they cut to commercial?
Jammer: Truly.
Sam: I got some really weird texts. I don't know.
Aabria: Quick question, are you guys having the conversation on the device?
Lou: I mean, we had to climb up on it, right?
Aabria: Mm-hm.
Lou: I guess.
Aabria: Boodle climbed down.
Lou: I wouldn't say we climbed down.
Brennan: I'm going to look back at Boodle and just say,
Evan: So, we're bringing these two rocks and this magic quad-cycle with an orrery in the middle to Boudicca Philtrum, and something about these stones will convince her to do something right?
Dr. Boodle: That's the goal!
Evan: Rather than entrusting us to blindly carry out a step in a multi-part process, can you confide in us what is supposed to happen? And if Boudicca is the one to do it, then great. But if she decides to not be helpful, as I'm worried that she may decide, we might have the potential to do what you need her to do.
Dr. Boodle: Okay, that's fair. If you can't convince her or the other wizards, a couple times, when I've talked to Tabby, he, it, was convinced that there was something at Gowpenny that would help us understand the nature of the new magic, that there might be rules that, if understood, could be widely sort of shared.
Evan: Great. Thank you.
K: Oh, I mean, this feels like a slam dunk, right?
Jammer: A slam dunk?
K: Right?
Jammer: Don't use a sports analogy to try and convince me to do something, 'cause it works, all right? Are we… Evan, K, you're like, you know, you're like, you've got it going on, you know? This a good idea? This is straight-up a good idea? Be real, all right?
Evan: Here's the thing.
K: It is an incredible idea. I mean, listen. One of the conditions that has to be there is that we gotta convince people, and this is the voice of a generation!
Aabria: K, as you speak, you feel whatever those motes of magic are, that potential building inside you, a little bit of it lessens.
K: Oh.
[curious enchanting music]
Aabria: Sam.
Sam: Mm?
Aabria: You feel the same thing.
Sam: Oh.
Aabria: Something inside you, leeched away.
Sam: Oh, hey.
Aabria: Jammer, you feel it too.
Evan: You all right?
Aabria: And Evan, you feel it. Something taken.
Evan: Something really important in this world is dying, and this, I don't know what these monsters are. That looks like Tad, but the rest of them, I don't know. It all seems highly improbable, but so did every other element of magic when we got to Gowpenny. Something's dying in the world. And does this sound like a good idea? I don't know. Does it sound like our best idea? Sadly, yes.
Aabria: The moment you touch those handles, something begins. As this thing that has taken its price and is connected with its user spins to life, everything begins to rumble.
Erika: [yelps]
Evan: Oh, oh, oh, oh!
K: Oh my god! It's happening!
Evan: Jump on! Jump on!
Jammer: I hate this shit!
Aabria: And you feel yourself immediately pulled into great purpose and rapidly drawn across the ocean and into the storm. Everything spins.
Players: [panting with exertion]
Jammer: Can anyone see where we're going?
Evan: No, we're all facing each other!
Jammer: Yeah, that's what I thought.
K: Tabby!
Evan: Maybe the rock can steer! The other rock didn't talk yet! Maybe it doesn't speak English! Some of these stones might predate modern English!
Sam: Oh! Y-may ame-nay is-ay Am-say!
Evan: Wow.
K: That's Latin.
Sam: That's Latin!
Jammer: Wait, does anybody know Aramaic?
Evan: A little bit. Not really, I don't know Aramaic.
Jammer: No, it's okay. I was trying to think about "The Mummy."
Evan: Yeah. "The Mummy"'s great.
Jammer: "The Mummy" is fucking awesome.
K: Oh my god, that's a cinematic masterpiece!
Sam: I want to have sex with both of them.
K: With Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz!
Jammer: Which two?
Aabria: You move through the storm, and then you see it, a burst of light, a rainbow, as you break through and drop through the cloud cover and land somewhere, a little eye of a storm. You're on a shore and look out towards the water and see the storm so close. You're in a pocket of safety, and you turn your eye inward to an island covered in heat, pouring lava and almost rumbling under your feet with seismic activity, and you know that you are somewhere very new now. And that's where we're going to end our first episode of "Misfits and Magic." We'll see you next time.
Lou: Perry got me out here doing cardio!
Erika: Absolute madman!
Danielle: Get in our reps!
Aabria: Let's go! We're back, baby!
Danielle: Let's go! We are back!
[NEXT TIME ON “DIMENSION 20”]
Aabria: You went into the storm and came out the other side and landed somewhere on the shores of an island covered in haze. You see pools of lava.
Tallulah: The secret to being able to survive this place is being strong enough to survive this place. So do you guys need help getting up, or do you got this?
Jammer: I know you don't know who we are, but we're like… We are magic, you know? We're the pilot program. We got this.
Tallulah: No fucking way.
K: Tallulah.
Tallulah: K.
Sam: Hey, Talluze.
Tallulah: Never liked that nickname. Thank you so much.
Sam: Hey, Taytay.
Tallulah: Oh, it got worse!
Jammer: Hey, we're here. We're looking for Boudicca. Delivery for Boudicca! Oh shit, are we about to do violence?
Aabria: And it lunges at you!
Jammer: All right, let's do violence.
Sam: Whatever. It's soccer.
Brennan: [cawing]
Jammer: What the fuck? Evan?
Teddy: Am I expected to pee in this?
K: Well, unless you want to waste your own body fluids, yeah.
Sam: Everyone here is really hot and, like, adventurous.
K: We're on the lookout.
Sam: I am single and could mingle.
Victor: Wait, hold on. What's my nickname?
Jammer: Marley. You know Bob Marley? ♪ Don't worry ♪
Evan: Dude, you've had a freaky couple years. You just got off the hooptie. Don't freak your old friends out by being immediately violent.
Jammer: Evan, kill this shit, man!
Evan: I fucked up! [gibbering] Here we go.
Danielle: Why?
Lou: Brennan, don't look like that, man.
Aabria: What happened?
Brennan: Me looking like that is not the cause!
Lou: A truly massive failure.
Brennan: Something very fishy is going on in this dome! More like Mischief and Magic, am I right? 'Cause it's "Misfits and Magic."
Aabria: Oh, I get it, I get it. That's great. That good.
[enchanting music]