AUs master doc

“My cat steals underwear and I come home to find you chasing my cat to get your underwear back.”
“I was imitating a fight scene off this anime I watched and accidentally hit you in the face.”
“This horrible umbrella won’t extend! Oh shit I just hit you in the stomach/crotch! I’m so sorry.”
“I needed a drink of water after my shower but I forgot that I opened the blinds to my balcony and you just saw me walk into my kitchen naked.”
“I just tripped and fell face first into your crotch, god end my life now please.”
“You have just witnessed me cry over the ending to my favorite game before class began please don’t ever tell anyone about this.”
“I thought you were my friend so I slapped your ass in greeting.”
“I sent a selfie of myself in the tub to the wrong number and you responded back with another selfie. Holy shit you’re really attractive.”
“You’re headphones aren’t plugged in all the way so I know you’re listening to educational children’s cartoon theme songs.”
“You just caught me reading hardcore smut fan fiction during class and you’re wondering how I can read this with a blank face.”
“You accidently broke my arm when you fell from a tree and landed on top of me.”
“I got my ass handed to me in SSB4 by this little kid and you were there to witness it.”
“I’ve never talked to you before but the teacher just used us as an example for a scenario where we are married.”
“Hello we are full grown adults fighting over this last balloon that’s shaped like a cats head.”
“I’m running late to school and you just hit me with your motorcycle cause you’re also late and no I don’t want to go to the hospital instead because I cannot miss this test just please give me a ride instead?”
“Please don’t tell anyone that I carry a stuffed animal around with me and even talk to it.”
“Hello I’m your boss and you’re the new employee who just saw me shove an entire cupcake into my mouth.”
“I’m watching The Lion King on my phone and I’m trying to hide the fact I’m sobbing uncontrollably but you notice anyway.”
“I was trying to ask for directions and you accidentally pepper sprayed me cause you thought I was your stalker.”
“Hey you called this number at like 3AM and we talked about some pretty heavy shit do you remember any of that?”
We live in the same block of flats but haven’t ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to stand in the lift together
“okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going to die aren’t I?”
We keep accidentally running into each other I’m not a stalker I swear
You live across from me in our apartments and we smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable
“My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

Established Relationships AUs

Our AC is out and it’s the middle of the summer AU
We decided it would be fun to go camping and now it’s raining and we can’t figure out how to set up the tent AU
We’ve been celebrating our wedding anniversary on the wrong day for the past nine years AU
You had a business trip and I missed you so much that I kind of tore up the house in your absence like a dog with separation anxiety… sorry? AU
It’s 2 am but you’re craving cake and we’re both up anyway so let’s bake in our underwear AU
I know you haven’t had the best experience with cats in the past but look at its face please please can we keep it? AU
I beat you at Mario Kart and now I’ve been banished to the couch for the night AU
You found me crying on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night surrounded by a shattered jelly jar AU
I surprised you with tickets to see our favorite band… WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SURPRISED ME WITH TICKETS TO SEE THEM TOO? AU
What do you mean you dropped my signed copy of Harry Potter in the bathtub AU
Our families came over for Thanksgiving and we decided to watch Lord of the Rings but you and I kept quoting it and everyone else got so fed up that they left AU
IF YOU USE UP ALL THE HOT WATER ONE MORE TIME IM GOING TO BAN YOU TO THE COUCH FOR A MONTH AU
We spent all our money for the week on one of those inflatable bounce houses and now we can’t afford to eat AU
We’re moving in together… Now what are we going to do with all of these duplicate copies of books, movies, video games, etc. that we have AU
We’re watching Toy Story 3 and we can’t stop crying AU
We’re arguing over who shot first (it was definitely Han) AU
I came home to a Nerf gun on the front porch and a note that says ‘Here is your weapon. I have one too. Good luck. xo’ AU

Fake Married/Dating

character a asks “hey, will you pretend to be my date for a week for [convoluted excuse that could easily be solved without a fake relationship]?” character b, fully convinced of the futility of their DEEP AND UNREQUITED LOVE, figures this’ll be a chance to spend time with them and possibly put their feelings to rest. character b is always wrong & it is always amazing.
having to SHARE A LIVING SPACE FOR ARBITRARY FIC REASONS. having to see eachother in their pajamas first thing in the morning, messy haired, drowsy eyed and soft faced. going from “you can have the bathroom first” to brushing their teeth beside eachother and feeling like this closeness has always existed (at the same time, painfully aware that it won’t always).
related to the last one – “"practicing”“ their casual touching so that it’s easier when they’re in public. feeling SWOOPS OF ARDOR AND AGONY when they feel the brush of a hand on their neck, or an arm loop around their waist. don’t you love how fake marrieds/dates are always method actors who must FULLY INHABIT their roles. i love it. i live for it.
bed sharing. :^) we all pretend we’re bigger than this but we are not.
"kiss me while everyone’s looking.”
the character who wasn’t aware they were in love (maybe always had been) until the fake relationship is in full swing, realizing they have to sort their feelings out before their time together is up. sometimes they succeed and angst is minimal. most of the time they don’t, really.
telling eachother “i love you” in public and meaning it, heart aching over it, but bELIEVING THE OTHER 2 BE ACTING. my soul is still 15, this garbage still gets me. u don’t get pining better than this.
the days leading up to the end of the arrangement where one of them, still confused and muddy about their Feelings and unsure how to break things off, stiffens to the casual, reflexive touching and puts their walls back up. the other one accepts and respects this as the end of their agreement and squashes back down all the hope they ever had, stuffs it next to the heartbreak they’re ignoring deep in their chest.
when they realize they’re actually fully and enthusiastically mutual about the way they feel and it’s, like, two parts euphoria and one part agony because they just cannOT BELIEVE, the happiness tears them in two. maybe there are weepy or laughing kisses. i don’t know but i’m usually invested like 2000%. i love fake dating/marrieds.
It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me
My homophobic parents are coming to visit will you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?
There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?
I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP

Internet-based AUs

‘so you’re the asshole that took my username’ AU
‘your URL is really similar to my friend’s and I accidentally messaged you’ AU
‘whoops that was supposed to be on anon’ AU
‘my self-esteem is shit right now and I noticed you just went through my entire face tag, tell me I’m pretty’ AU
‘you were like my first follower, why are you still here’ AU
‘I just recognized you from across the store and I don’t know what to do, my training didn’t prepare me for this’ AU

Bonus points: if it’s from voice chat

‘I think half of my anons are from the same person and I’m trying to track you down’ AU
‘we both ship the same obscure pairing, let’s get married right now but first let’s share headcanons’ AU
‘I was looking at my new followers and I think you were my crush that moved away in fourth grade’ AU
‘I had a big internet crush on someone with the same username as you like three years ago but there’s no way you’re the same person, right?’ AU
‘you’re my favorite author no you’re MY favorite author NO YOU’RE–’ AU
‘facebook asked if I knew you and I seriously don’t but apparently all my friends do? who the hell are you?’ AU
‘our email addresses are one letter off and, whoops, I’ve signed you up for some really interesting mailing lists’ AU
‘we have started competitively trying to be the first commenters on the same obscure youtube channel’ AU

Opposites Attract

cat person and dog person meet at petco and their pets won’t stop hissing and growling at each other au
a violinist who only plays classical music and a metal guitarist dislike each other’s preferred genre but have to perform a duet au
rebellious teenager who’s failing all their classes is assigned a studious tutor au
really distinguished food critic and fast food chef au
a hopeless romantic and a horny beast are set up on a blind date au
the class clown tries to get the pretentious, stoic know-it-all to laugh au
a morning person and a night person are assigned as roommates au
a film junkie who hates reading and a bookworm who never watches any movies run into each other between the movie and literature section of a library
painter/writer au
a scary-looking person who unintentionally makes kids cry and a daycare volunteer meet at a children-filled park au
a pro swimmer/part time lifeguard and a sunbather who hates water, can’t swim, and only goes to the beach to tan au
a hopeless romantic and a single-but-proud meet at a store on valentine’s day. the latter is buying valentine cards ironically, the former buying them sincerely in hopes of getting a date au

Good Kid/Troublemaker AUs

You’re a rebel by accident because you get really animated when you talk and hit people in the face leading to fights. Now you just roll with it. I know the truth though.
Totally saw you spray paint the principal's car and you’ll have to buy me dinner to keep me quiet.
I pretty much live in detention and you’re a straight A student here on your first offense. Wanna add another and skip detention with me?
Every time I get in a fight you patch me up but now I’m the one patching you up after your tripped on thin air.
I’m a super tough punk who hates authority. Your parents are cops who have met me more than once but I like you a lot.
Me and my buddies vandalized your backyard trampling your mini garden in the process. Now I feel really shitty cause you’re really upset about this. Look I’ll help fix it okay just stop with the sad faces.
Accidentally knocked you out when you got caught in the middle of a fist fight between me and this other kid during school. So I sat with you in the nurse's office. Shut up! Punks like me have a conscience too you know!
You’re always picking fights and I’m the one who has to use my charm and way with words to stop them from getting out of hand.
You’re a police officer and I’m constantly in and out of holding/jail and we get to know each other well so sometimes you give me my favorite treats when no ones looking.
I’m always fighting and getting in trouble at school so people avoid me. You frequent the small ice cream shop my parents own and know how kind I am to children and elderly people but I don’t realize this.
You give me a piggy back ride (or ride home) after I got out of a brutal fight and can barely stand.
I brought my new kitten to school hold her please while I kick this guys ass.
Punks can get scared of thunderstorms too

Rivalry to Romance AUs

We hate each other but we both have a mutual friend so we have to put up with each other AU
This is a mandatory partner project and since everybody else is taken I have to have you as my partner AU
You’re my jerk barista who purposely screws up my name when I order my caffeine fix AU
The Proposal AU
You used to bully/mess with me in elementary school and it turned out it was because you had a major crush on me AU
I’m trying to recruit members for my club but you keep stealing away all my potential recruits AU
You spoil all the things I’m into and it’s really pissing me off AU
So I have to spend the night at my longtime rival’s house, everything will totally be fine because their parents are there (or not) AU
If you aren’t serious about this play then leave AU
I know you don’t like me but I really need help passing this class AU
Don’t tell anyone you saw me crying AU
I don’t want to go to this party/dance alone so please be my date AU
Just got caught under the mistletoe with my arch-nemesis and now everything is slow changing between us AU
You come to the restaurant I work at and choose me as your waiter(ess) every time just to annoy me and I can’t do anything in retribution or I’ll get fired AU
I spilled my lunch on this person one time and now they hate me AU
A Walk to Remember AU
You’re the Gantu to my Stitch AU

Competitive OTP AUs

we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust
we kind of got past the point of ‘taking this game of gay chicken too seriously’ when you took your pants off but I really do not mind at all.
I used to be the best baker in the neighbourhood but then you showed up at Mrs Appleby’s 80th birthday with a stack of brownies which almost gave me an orgasm my honour is at stake and I’m going all out for the next event
a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if I’m going down you’re going down with me
you’re going to be at the halloween party and you’ve won best costume for the past three years but this year I am wearing the best costume ever if you defeat me I will eat my - wait you actually look really cute when did you turn hot what the fuck um
we’re always making stupid bets like ‘bet you can’t drink this whole bottle of BBQ sauce’ but then you did and now you’re sick and I feel really bad here let me look after you
did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker

Hot Mess AUs

'i’m an ikea employee and every day for the last week i’ve had to ask you to leave the store bc you keep coming in and sleeping in the beds seriously are you homeless or something i can call a shelter’ au
'i don’t know who you are but we keep running into each other on the street and getting into screaming arguments over the stupidest things and i’m actually looking forward to our next meeting bc you’re annoying as hell but gdi you’re hot as fuck and its kind of fun to argue with you’ au
'you found me hanging by my fingertips from your window and i don’t want to tell you i was trying to rob you but idk how else to explain this and i don’t want to go to jail and also you’re kind of cute we should make out when i’m not clinging onto your window ledge for my life’ au
‘you’re lying on the floor of the movie theater crying and i’m the employee who has to tell you another movie starts in five minutes so you have to leave and i’m really sorry but im also confused as to why a documentary on lightbugs affected you so much’ au
'i found you sleeping on my balcony when i went out to water my plants why are you here and more importantly how did you get here we’re eighteen floors up’ au
'i’m having a minor breakdown in the middle of bed bath and beyond and you’re a bewildered shopper who wants to buy plates but also to make sure i’m okay bc im wailing a little bit in the kitchenware section’ au
'i asked a staff member and they said you’ve been coming to the pound every day to play with the dog i’m taking home today and that’s why you’re getting weirdly emotional’ au
‘i called the wrong number and started talking about my life and you only interrupted me after a few a few minutes of me revealing some pretty personal stuff and now youre invested in my life troubles’ au
‘you’re a vet and i’m pleading with you to save my goldfish and you’re the first vet i’ve visited to not ask me if i’m sure i don’t want to go and buy another goldfish for three dollars’ au
'it’s my turn to open up the cafe today and you were sleeping under one of the tables when i came in and i don’t know what to say so i’m just sweeping awkwardly around you’ au
'you found me in a mall crying over a bowl of noodles i dropped and i s2g im not usually like this im just having a really weird week’ au
‘we keep getting arrested at the same protests and at this point i think i’m only starting fights with policemen so i can sit next to you in holding’ au
‘you’re the on-call doctor on saturday nights and i’m purposely injuring myself so i can attempt to chat you up while you give me stitches but i s2g the first four times were accidents i just got too attached’ au
‘we started going home together but i was convinced i knew a faster way to your apartment so we took a wrong turn and now we’re lost’ au
‘i’ve had a really awful day so i started kicking a car out of frustration and it turned out to be your car i’m so sorry’ au

Reincarnation AUs

I fell in love with you three lifetimes ago and I’ve been looking for you ever since but I’ve been starting to give up and my friends’s new crush has your eyes and oh god I’m not going to steal someone’s date just because I’m hoping you’re the person I met in a past life (jk yes I am)
I’ve met you in every single lifetime and I always hope it will work out but it doesn’t but I’ll still keep finding you again because those few days/months/years together with you are always so worth it
I meet and fall in love with you in every lifetime at the same age but your age is always different so it never works out and for the first time I’m meeting you when we’re the same age and I’m horrified that I might fuck this up
I skipped like four cycles of reincarnation and I know you’re pissed at me for leaving you all those lifetimes but it wasn’t my fault please please will you take me back
We only remember each other in alternating lifetimes so every lifetime we have to find one another and convince each other that we’re soul mates but half the time I won’t believe you and half the time you’re already dating someone else
I don’t know how to tell you this but the reason you didn’t see me in our last reincarnation cycle is because for some fucked up reason I was reincarnated as your dog
We keep reincarnating as people who speak different languages and it’s kind of pissing me off because I can never initially confirm if it’s you but at least I keep learning a bunch of cool new languages each lifetime

Neighbor AUs

I just found out that you’re the asshole who has been stealing my coupons from the Sunday newspaper every week and I am going to make. you. PAY!! AU
You’re mowing your lawn at 5AM and that is completely unacceptable and I’m going over to your house to yell at you about how unacceptable this is AU
I always see you doing weird shit at ridiculous hours of the night and it makes me feel better because I do weird shit in the middle of the night too AU
You greeted me in the strangest way this morning when I was getting my mail and we’ve been neighbors for like 3 years and this is the first time you’ve ever spoken to me I have no idea what is going on AU
You’re a famous viner and I constantly witness you doing the weirdest things AU
You live in the apartment above me and your water pipe burst and is flooding into my apartment and you can hear me yelling so you come down to my apartment to see what’s going on and witness me standing in my kitchen/bathroom/whatever, holding an umbrella, screaming at the water pouring out of my ceiling and crying because I have no idea what to do and we both just kinda stand there in shock as my stuff gets ruined and you let me crash in your apartment until my apartment gets fixed because you feel bad AU
You keep borrowing shit from my tool shed without even asking AU
I just moved in next door and I’m like 99% sure you’re insane AU
Every year we both go all out for holiday decorating and we’ve developed this rivalry so intense that we’re p much famous in our town for it AU
We’re both single parents and our kids are best friends with each other AU
In which we live in a relatively rich neighborhood and during summers we obnoxiously sit in loungers, drinking lemonade, and ogle the cute pool boy together AU
The walls in this apartment building are really thin and I can hear you having mental breakdowns all the time are you okay? AU
You’re one of those annoying people who tries to make casual conversation all the time and brings people baked goods and stuff and I just want to mind my own business but somehow we end up being friends or something?? AU
This is the first time I’m living on my own and my parents decided to spontaneously drop by in a few hours to see how I’m doing pls let me borrow some cleaning supplies and food so that my parents will believe I’m a functioning, responsible adult who totally cleans and doesn’t just have condiments and eggs in my fridge AU
We have weekly get-togethers where we gossip about our other neighbors AU
Your dog keeps pooping on my lawn AU
You just moved in next door and you’re convinced your house is haunted so you seek refuge at my house when you get freaked out and eventually rope me into investigating for paranormal activity and the only reason I’m doing any of this is because you’re really freaking cute AU
All of our other neighbors are crazy so we bond over that fact that we’re the only normal people on the whole street AU

NOT Married/Dating AUs

My friend is so determined to fix me up with somebody better than my string of casual coffee date/hookup partners that I didn’t have the heart to tell her, after she set us up for a blind date, that I actually met you six months ago
We’re both professors in the same department and it enhances your reputation with the students as a mysterious enigma and my reputation as a stone-cold terror if we pretend to hate each other, plus when we back each other up in departmental meetings everybody’s so surprised they give in right away
My parents thought I was working for an insurance company in New York when really I was joining the CIA so I just sort of never mentioned when I met you on an assassination-gone-wrong and now we’ve been married for five years and they still don’t know you exist, this has gotten wildly out of hand and you won’t stop laughing about it
All your coworkers know you’re married to a cop but now I’m undercover investigating a string of bank heists and it turns out that your only friend at your shitty new job is dating the head bank robber.
We’ve been communicating entirely by email/phone/carrier pigeon/paid messenger for the past year as we work to bring some peace and order to this troubled land, so when I walked into the negotiation room to sit down with the fearsome and terrible politician/businessperson/famed warrior that all my people are so afraid of, I didn’t really expect it to be you.
I didn’t think my parents could accept me dating somebody of your gender/race/religion/species, so we’ve been keeping it quiet, but now my mom can’t stop talking about her friend’s next-door neighbor and how perfect they’d be for me and you’ve got some nosy neighbor trying to set you up with their coworker’s kid and how do we tell them we’re engaged without making them think it’s because of their completely uninvited meddling?
You’ve got to pretend-date your best friend for a couple of weeks because reasons, and somehow that means we’re passing ourselves off as siblings to explain why we live together but we’ve started giving each other really filthy pre-sex looks behind everyone’s back like a game of chicken and pretty soon somebody is going to start to have serious concerns about our siblinghood.

Shippy Roommate AUs

we’re all going for the same apartment so we decided to compromise and now we can’t live without each other
i accidentally got you kicked out because they found out i smoked weed and now i have to persuade you to stay with me because i… love you
it’s your turn to cook dinner but it tastes truly awful and now we’re engaged in an incredibly one-sided kitchen battle but i can’t bring myself to say how much you aren’t improving so i keep spending longer periods of time indisposed in the bathroom
the third wheel roommate turning into the relationship counselor but then having the other two fall in love with them
accidentally walking in on the other one in [insert embarrassing situation of your choice here] and having to live with the trauma
“my car broke down and my wallet is missing so you have to drive me everywhere”
one roommate getting really twitchy around finals / stressful work period / the holidays and the other(s) recording them talking snappily at their books/laptop and the video goes viral
prank wars
secretly planning surprise halloween parties for each other and getting the shit scared out of themselves when the clock strikes 12

Post Breakup AUs

“today was the first family gathering i’ve been to since we broke up and my little cousin that absolutely adored you asked where you were and i had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the tub for a half an hour and look through a folder on my phone of pictures i took of you to feel okay again¨ AU
“i’m pretty sure if taylor swift and i were in a competition of who could write the most breakup songs in one night, i’d win by a landslide because i still set two plates out for dinner even though i eat alone and it’s almost pathetic because we’ve been broken up for ages but i’m still not over you” AU
“so i know we haven’t talked in like, two years, and that things ended pretty badly between us but what the fuck do you mean you’re engaged to be married¨ AU
“yes, i know this is your sweatshirt and that we broke up five months ago but it’s really comfy okay. i totally don’t wear it because like it still smells like you or is the only thing that even remotely feels like home since i moved out. pfft. absolutely not.” AU
“look, i know we agreed to be friends and everything but that’s what everyone says when they break up. i can’t take you asking me for advice on how to ask out the new person you’re interested in, okay? it’s killing me” AU
“oh hi, totally didn’t expect to see you here at this one hole in the wall coffee shop literally no one in the entire world besides you knows about. what a coincidence.” AU
“it´s my [insert family relation here]´s wedding and seeing all these happy couples is killing me and all i can think about is how this was almost us” AU (bonus: “i know that it’s two in the morning and i’m dressed really formally and a little (a lot) bit drunk but i couldn’t stop thinking about you after my grandma asked how you were doing also can i come in it’s freezing out here”)
“i still have your sister’s scarf and i know it’s stupid but i’ve been hoping maybe one day you’ll come by and pick it up so we’ll be forced to talk again because i haven’t seen you in months and i’m maybe kinda sorta still in love with you” AU
“i know we were never officially together or anything but seeing that picture you posted on [insert social media] with him/her literally felt like you carved my heart out of my chest and stomped on it and i’m not really sure why i’m leaving this voicemail but my pillow still smells like you and i miss your stupid face” AU
“we have a lot of mutual friends so we see each other more than two broken up people usually do and i know we’re not really close anymore but you’re wearing that stupid (adorable) hat you always wore when you were upset so tell me what’s wrong because it’s literally killing me to see you look so sad” AU
“so like, i know we broke up and stuff but funny story, i haven’t told my family yet and they just assumed you’d be coming with me for [insert family celebration] and i really don’t know how to tell them and i know this is really selfish but i can’t break my great grandma’s heart like that, she’ll probably have a heart attack and– wait what? you’d do that for me? holy shit, i love you… wait–” AU
“i found your box of letters underneath my bed last night and because i’m a nosy motherfucker i decided to read them and it turns out they were all addressed to me and the last one was dated the day you moved out and i’m not quite sure why i thought this would be a good idea but here i am, standing on your doorstep, wondering why the fuck we’re not together anymore” AU
“well this is really awkward considering the last time we saw each other, i was screaming at you to never talk to me again, but like, my dog recognized you all the way across the park and literally dragged me over here because she misses you so hi” AU

Soulmate AUs

The first words your true love(s) will say to you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like the opening lines of uptown funk or a high school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you saw me asshole?
You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my mind of a fucking unicorn
Something like whenever your soulmate sings a duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band but I can’t sing for shit
Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)
Everyone is born heterochromatic with their eyes being a mirror of their soul mate's. When you meet your soulmate and lock eyes for the first time, both your eyes and theirs shift to what the actual color should be.

Friends to Romance AUs

You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you
I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex
You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?
Somewhere along the way of getting into bar fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

Bed Sharing AUs

‘you’re staying with us while your mum’s away and every night you sleep walk into my bed and i can’t bring myself to kick you out because you’re adorable as all hECk and i’ve never slept so good’ au

‘we’re roommates and we’ve barely interacted so far but one night there’s a thunderstorm and i’m a serious astraphobic and come into your room shaking bc i dont know what else to do and you lull me to sleep by stroking my hair and softly ranting about niccolo machiavelli’ au

‘we’re on a roadtrip with some friends and we have to share a hotel room and there’s only one bed and a whole lot of sexual tension’ au

‘you’re pretending to be my significant other so my mum gets off my case only she’s assuming we’re going to be sleeping in the same bed together oh dear’ au

‘i offer you my bed to sleep in bc our respective roommates are getting it on in your room and take the sofa to sleep on only i wake up back in my bed with your tiny body wrapped around me and damn me if it isn’t the cutest thing i’ve ever seen’ au

‘we’re stuck in a log cabin overnight during a snowstorm bc of some stupid school team building exercise and it’s freEzing and I can’t sleep and you can hear me shivering in the next bed so you pick me up and dump in your bed and good grief you are hot in every sense of the word’ au

‘my roommate told you to crash in her room during a party that you’re not really in the mood for but you end up in my bed bc she’d switched the room signs over that morning so people would stop having sex in her room only now the party’s over and i can’t bring myself to kick you out bc you look so peaceful and cute and also bc people are sTiLl having sex in her room so i climb into the bed with you and man you smell so. good.’ au

OT3 prompts

A finds a stray animal and brings it home, B is allergic so C helps A hide the animal until B finally catches them after sneezing for a week
A is a Marvel fan and B is a DC fan, C doesn’t care either way and always mixes them up
A is asexual, B is aromantic, and C is demi, and they have a happy healthy partnership
A falls instantly for C while B is interested in C but needs to be wooed still
A and B have to explain to C why they never get to drive, optional: C drives wildly, speeding/running lights/etc or drives too slow/cautious
A has a history of severe nightmares, B knows how to calm A down but is out of town, C has to try for the first time alone
It’s A’s birthday but B and C both forgot until the last second, B distracts A while C sneaks out to get a gift
A is always up late with work related things, one night A falls asleep and B and C have to fumble through getting the work done for them
A is babysitting but has to go somewhere unexpectedly, leaving the baby with B and C who have little/no experience with babies
A helped color B’s hair but it was a disaster and C has to comfort them both while fixing it
A’s glasses broke while they were reading a really good part of their book, B and C offer to read it to them, switching out between characters and making silly voices
A has a secret fear (like of clowns/spiders/heights/etc), B and C don’t know and accidentally freak out A with their fear
A’s never seen the ocean but wants to, B hates the ocean but agrees to go anyways, A and C swim and make sand castles while B naps on a blanket
A cuts their finger while preparing dinner, B panics and wants to go to the hospital, C calms B down and deals with A’s injury
A only has money for two tickets to an event all three of them love, so A and B have to sneak C inside
We specifically bought this mini-van instead of a car because it has three seats in the font but now all we do is argue about who gets to sit in the middle

Our group chat is mostly just Person A serenading the both of us with song lyrics and dirty messages oh my god this fucking dork…oh shit now I’m kinda aroused one of you fuckers meet me for lunch asap

We all tried to spit our toothpaste in the sink at the same time and ended up banging our heads together and communicating in unintelligible noises due to having too much fucking toothpaste in our mouths oh my god will one you just spit first I’m so tired I want to go to bed

Person A always sleeps in the middle because they are the smallest but that also means that sometimes they end up like a whole half of the way down the bed by morning and more than once now we’ve both been terrified we accidentally suffocated them in the night

Person B is literally so fucking ticklish and we tickle-attack them so often that we think they might actually secretly hate us and have plans to leave us

Your parents are super supportive of our relationship which is really nice but every year your mom knits us three matching Christmas sweaters and we have no choice but to wear them and now the entire extended family knows we’re all together and it can get kinda awkward at times but oh well I love you both so much, hey Person A show us your childhood bedroom

I SWEAR I HAVEN’T WORN A PAIR OF MY OWN UNDERWEAR IN OVER A YEAR THERE IS JUST SO MUCH FUCKING UNDERWEAR IN THIS HOUSEHOLD GODDAMN

You and I were innocently making out but then I got aroused and so did you but we knew Person C would be home literally any minute so we just decided to wait for them at which point they walked through the door and took one look at our faces and realized exactly what was going on before sighing at us disappointingly and taking off their shirt

You two are such trouble-makers and I am literally cleaning up after you 24/7 please be adults for like one second and no both of you simultaneously smothering me in neck kisses isn’t going to make me less mad….but carry on anyways

Hidden Relationship AUs

my parents keep setting me up on blind dates but in reality I’m dating you and it’s so you helping me get out of them

we were making out but then my roommate walked in and I shoved you in the closet and you had to sit in there cramped for hours I’m sorry

whenever people come over you have to hide and try to sneak out inconspicuously but you’re loud and clumsy and now everyone thinks I have a cat

“I think our friends are catching on that we’re dating. Let’s mess with them.”

everyone thinks we hate each other and we keep that front up in public, so we have hilarious pretend fights and squabbles and pranks

please stop leaving all our crap in my house, my friends keep asking me about extra shirts and toothbrushes and they definitely know I don’t where that

we go on secret dates only during the late nights/early mornings to avoid people, and it’s not so bad watching the sunrise and walking under street lamps with you

you look so good and so many people are trying to pick you up and I can only sit in the corner and seethe, and now people are giving me concerned looks
we’re secretly dating and my friend suggested a double date and it turns out my secret date was you

Arranged Marriage Sentence Starters

“So you’re my future bride/groom? You’re not what I expected at all.”
“I know it doesn’t seem so, but I will take care of you.”
“Let’s get this straight, I’m only agreeing with this arrangement so my parents would shut up.”
“I…think I’m in love?”
“You don’t have to worry, I’m never going to touch you.”
“I look forward to getting to know you better.”
“Are you scared? Don’t be. I’ll protect you from today onwards.”
“You are the reason why I can’t be happy.”
“I don’t want to marry you at all, the person I love is someone else.”
“We’ll make this work out.”
“Don’t run away from this, from me!”
“I can’t believe they’re making us get together.”
“It’s crazy, isn’t it? Two complete strangers who know nothing about each other being brought together like this.”
“The moment I saw you, I knew we were meant to be.”
“I know it’s already been arranged, but let me do this properly…Will you marry me?”
“All right, all right! If you’re so against it, then we can work together to sabotage our own wedding!”
“If I don’t win your heart in a month we can call off the wedding.”
“You are mine now. Don’t look at anyone else.”
“Don’t cry. I promise I will love you and protect you to the best of my ability, til death do we part.”
“I have loved the idea of you since before you were even born.”
“I have been eagerly awaiting the day I could finally meet you…and I am not disappointed. You are beautiful.”
“I don’t think this is going to work out. It’s a mistake to go through with this.”

General Fantasy AUs

merperson caught in a fisher’s net au
rival dragon riders au
bumped into each other while watching a street magic performance au
stole a sacred artifact from a witch and now i have to hunt you down au
well, you try talking some sense into the bridge troll au
pegasus joy riding au
werewolf gladiators au
we’re both cleaning up the ocean because our friends/parents are making us merperson au
your kiss broke a sirens spell au
my folks are making you steal a griffin feather to prove your love but that’s not stopping me from going with you au
i just fell in love with my magic mirror au
kidnapped by a band of magical golden hearted thieves au
first pet dragon au

Mythical Creatures AU

“You just busted in my house asking for help in bad english and I thought you were a kid who did some minor troubles at the comic con or something judging by your costume but you’re actually an alien who crashed near and is researched by your planet’s authorities” au
“Caught you changing and you have wings bound on your back” fallen angel au
“Now that I think about it I never asked why is your house built around a giant-ass tree please explain” dryad au
“We had a sleepover and I woke up earlier than you so I wanted to grab something to eat and why the actual fuck is there so many blood packs in there” vampire au
“You’ve been avoiding everyone since a couple days and I noticed your arm seemed paralyzed or something and I wanted to talk to you except when I grabbed said arm to stop you from running away it came out oops” robot au
“I see you every year at carnaval/halloweens/any costumed holidays with the best costume ever (though always the same one) and we exchanged numbers and became internet buddies but why won’t you accept to meet face to face any other days” centaur/satyr au
“We were dicking around in chemistry but you accidentally received some of whatever we made and it turns out that this substance strongly weaken you/forces you to take your true form” shapeshifter/dragon au
“I came to your house for a sleepover but you weren’t here your house was trashed and when I found you again the next day you were naked and without any recognitions of what had happened” werewolf au
“We fell on each others and yo where the frick is your stomach dude” Wendigo au
“You had an accident and I thought you were dead bc I couldn’t hear your heartbeat but you turned out just fine” undead au
“I always thought you were our common friend’s sibling but you actually are a demon they summoned years ago and made a pact with“ demon au
“I keep freaking out whoever come to my old house but you don’t get scared easily and you actually seems interested by my story and past instead of just being here for the thrill wanna chat?” ghost au

Royalty AUs

“your country’s trying to take over/annex my country and you’re making it difficult to hate you because you’re so nice and attractive stop it” au
“we’ve been engaged to be married since we were three but this is the first time we’ve met and your portraits really don’t do you justice” au
“i’m a prince/ss and you’re a servant and we’re not supposed to hang out but we’re gonna fall in love anyways” au
“i’m a prince/ss and you’re my bodyguard and we’re so not supposed to bang but we kind of did anyways” au (bonus: limo sex is great sex)
princess diaries style “i grew up not knowing i was royal and suddenly my royal grandparent showed up out of nowhere and told me i was so now i guess i’m the heir to the throne and you’re my crush from my pre-royal days but i still have a crush on you” au
alternately, “i grew up not knowing i was royal and now i guess i’m heir to a throne and you’re the guy who’s supposed to be teaching me how to be royal bc i suck at it and oops we made out” au
“i’m a prince/ss from a small country nobody’s heard of and i’m in college pretending not to be royal and you’re another student who’s always calling me out on my bs” au
“my country’s going through some issues so i’m here in hiding and you’re a civilian who lives in the same apartment complex as me” au

Reverse Fairy Tales

A prince with a love of the sea undergoes a terrible shipwreck and wakes, briefly, while being rescued by a mermaid. Obsessed now, he requests the help of a land witch and gives up his “charm” - looks and speech - for a tail. Silent, disfigured, and lost beneath the waves, he discovers that though he can breathe, every breath he takes feels like fire in his chest. Still, he hopes to find the mermaid who saved him and someday earn her heart…
A young, beautiful wolf with a coat as red as blood is off to visit her grandmother - now living in another pack. She’s warned by her mother not to approach the path, for humans lurk there. However, the pup ignores her mother’s advice, lured away by a girl’s tempting treats, and later at dusk, when she finally arrives at grandmother’s, a whole group of hunters sets upon the pack…
A young man is selected to keep a fearful ‘beast’ company, living in a castle far out in the woods. Yet when he arrives, he finds not a beast, but the most gorgeous woman the land has ever seen… one who claims to be under a spell. She is not human and utterly despises this form, but the spell will not be broken until someone loves her for reasons beyond her appearance. This man, gentle and well-read, may one day look past her beauty and if he does, he may still love the ‘beast’ that then springs forth…
A princess is told by her father that she must marry and a ball is planned to find her a husband. Angry and panicking, she flees to the edge of her kingdom where she finds a young man, living with two brothers and an abusive stepfather. These fast friends hatch a scheme: the princess will take one of the man’s shoes, claim it belong to her one true love, and send her father on a fool’s errand to find the ‘prince’ to which it belongs. In return she will help the man escape his family, if he wishes, at least for one night - at the ball. But when they dance together, more than friendship might form…

Library AUs

i found you asleep in the stacks. we’re closed. please go home.
i’m too short to reach the top shelf and too stubborn to get a stool. you watched me take a running leap for it before you offered to grab the book for me
you reserved the book i wanted to check out first and i hate you for it
no, i cannot help you find your textbook if you don’t know what it’s called. “it has a blue cover” doesn’t help
you have rented and returned the entire buffy the vampire series in the span of 8 days. are you okay.
you said that shakespeare was dumb while checking out fight club and i am ready to Fight You
you saw me dancing to my ipod while reshelving books. please don’t judge me. or tell my boss.
I’m always pulling books you reserved so I’ve started leaving little notes in them for you.
WHY DID YOU ANNOTATE A LIBRARY BOOK IN PEN.
someone left a comment card in the suggestions box that says “the reference librarian is super cute” and now all of the reference librarians are arguing over who it’s for
i walked in on you and your boyfriend making out in the upper level and now french lit is ruined for me forever
your study group ordered pizza to the library and you let me have some
you keep watching baby animal videos on youtube without headphones on and i should yell all you but they’re really cute baby animals
You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m tracking u the fuck down
I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying
The library’s pretty empty save for you and me and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

College AUs

- I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
- vicious battle over the only left handed desk in the room
- my roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
- it’s pouring and my final paper is in my backpack so I guess we’re stuck under this tiny awning together. do you think they’d deliver pizza here
- hey I have to photograph someone for class will you be my model
- hey I have to take someone’s blood pressure for class will you be my victim
- variations of the above
- I know I keep coming to the cookie shop and for some reason it’s always your shift but don’t you dare judge me I need these for my sanity
- it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost
- we’re the only two people in this club. what is this club even for
- humans vs zombies (see you can still have your zombie AU, best of both worlds)
- we’re the only people who ever talk in discussions it’s awful
- GROUP PROJECT
#both of us turned up at the wrong room for this lecture but don’t know where its meant to be #waiting outside for pizza to be delivered and both of ours are super late #you keep parking in the space outside my student house you absolute asshole #we live in halls opposite each other and I keep seeing you changing through your window #you’re the only other person in the room when I break the printer and I’m panicking
- Neither of us bought the expensive textbook but there is only one copy in the library and it can’t leave the building
- This awesome professor only has one TA slot and we’re rivals
- I found your USB drive still in the computer
- I thought I was the only one who liked the waffle station in the cafeteria
- You keep reserving the good study room in the corner of the library with the windows
- We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
- We’re both donating blood in the blood donation van in the quad to get out of the same class
- You decked me in the head while you were playing frisbee golf
- Wait, I actually have a competent lab partner?
- You’re the RA and you’re trying to bust me for having hermit crabs
- You’re baking cookies in the communal kitchen at 3am and I’m angry but also really hungry
- What are you doing at this table at the career fair
- Waiting for office hours
- I’ve been sitting in this seat all semester why did you decide to sit in it today
- Clearly we’re both really uncomfortable at this party
- We started racing up the three flights of stairs to class for some reason and we can’t stop
- You’re REALLY GOOD at using the right search terms for the academic databases and I’m on a deadline
- my friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me
- we’re always at the fitness center at the same time and end up competing on the treadmill
- Sorry my roommate puked on your shoes
- Can I borrow a dryer sheet? I ran out and the ones in the vending machine give me a rash
- Your school mailbox is right next to mine
- I saw you sneaking captain crunch and cutlery out of the dining hall
- My roommate borrowed your contraband hotpot and managed to set it on fire
- You keep using my preferred shower stall in the floor bathrooms when I’m trying to get ready for class
- My computer crashed and you’re the student worker at the IT center
- we’re both on athletic teams that aren’t as cool as the football team and they give us shit
- You’re part of the guerrilla theater club on campus and crashed my class for a performance
- What do you mean we’re under a tornado warning?
- it’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay

- you’re the fucker who set off the fire alarm with your awful cooking
- I’m the fucker who set off the fire alarm with my awful cooking

- my shower isn’t working can I use yours
- RA mandated floor party
- I couldn’t help but notice you’re watching a show I like instead of studying in the computer lab
- dude your headphones are really loud like I can make out most of Kanye’s lyrics and I’m sitting across the fucking room
- hey the semester’s almost over and I have way too much money on my cafeteria account, do you want anything??? this shit’s just gonna disappear into the college’s pocket otherwise
- THERE IS A BOUNCY CASTLE IN THE OVAL AND I AM VERY EXCITED
- I’ve ordered take out every night this week and you always seem to be my delivery person
- we’re both skipping class to study for a different class
- you live above me and I’m going to murder you if you don’t stop throwing parties Sunday night
- there’s only one study room left in the dorm basement and I don’t want to walk to the library, let’s fight for it
- I swear I’m wearing this Batman costume because of a dare
- The guy with the bibles on the quad has cornered me and is screaming about hell, please rescue me
- lecture room bingo for annoying things your prof says
- holy fuck you found me on the roof please don’t be an RA
-You’re standing right next to me while we’re both flyering and catching all of the people walking past before I can
-Alternatively, we’re standing right next to each other while flyering and hey, are you as miserable as I am right now?
-We can’t both listen to our music in the shower at the same time
-Both of us are super bored at this mandatory floor meeting
-We both work really late shifts on Friday Nights and you give me a ride home so I don’t have to walk alone in the dark
-You’re the only one who actually responded to the desperate message I sent to the whole class about needing the notes
-All the seats in this huge fucking lecture hall and you have to sit right next to me
-I’m sorry you caught me moving your clothes out of the dryer but in my defense I’ve been waiting for one to open up for about an hour now
-We were both running for the bus and it didn’t wait for us, so now we’re at this bus stop together alone
-Are you the one who keep leaving their dirty dishes in the common area kitchen
-You posted that you needed to borrow something on the floor’s facebook group and I just so happen to have what you need
-I want to buy your football ticket/textbook/etc so we have to meet up
-Every single table in the union is full, do you mind if I just sit here for a while?

met doing laundry at 2am college au
accidentally knocked on the wrong dorm room college au
picked up the wrong book when we bumped into each other college au
hey exchange student why don’t you can come to mine for thanksgiving?? college au
walked in on you in the shower college au
the always-partying kid falls for the always-studying kid college au
heard a scream and thought you were getting killed but it was just a spider college au
i really hate you but you have the highest grades in class and i need help college au
“waiting in line at registration because for some reason, the computer system wouldn’t just let us sign up for classes there” AU
“I don’t mind that my roommate’s boyfriend stays over constantly; I mind that he walks around our apartment-style housing naked” AU
“excuse me, I know we don’t have assigned seats in college, but I’ve been sitting in this one for eight weeks and it seems you’re in my spot” AU
“I’m exhausted, feverish, and hacking up a lung, and the student health center’s first suggestion was pregnancy, can you help me get to the ER in town” AU
“hey, I left my student ID in my room and you’re the first person who’s walked by my building for hours now, I hate to be such a bother but can you pretty please swipe me in, it’s freezing” AU
“bless the spring semester stage combat class for practicing on the North Lawn, because watching my crush get sweaty and worked up while pretending to fight people really Does Things to me, okay” AU
"oh, jesus, that annoying group of LARPers is playing D&D on the lawn underneath my window again and I’m trying to fucking sleep, I have a fucking midterm tomorrow” AU
"there’s a cute punk who I keep chatting up at the bike racks outside the library and one of the lecture halls, and I kinda have a crush, but there’s no way they’d ever think of me like that, right?” AU
“I know that this probably isn’t a good idea but it’s included in the meal plan and I’m stressed out, so I keep hitting the ice cream sundae bar in the buffet style dining hall at least a couple times a week” AU
“fuck shit fuck please help me, I’m supposed to be in chemistry for non-science majors but somehow, my little humanities major ass got registered into the really hardcore chem class” AU
“if I pretend to be interested in your student social activism oriented club and help you hand out flyers and run your bake sale and shit, is there a chance that you’ll go with me to the spring Sleaze Ball dance” AU
“somehow, we always end up sitting next to each other during the weekly gatherings to watch [Game of Thrones, SVU, Rupaul’s Drag Race, pick a show] in our dorm’s really good TV room” AU
“I was abroad last semester and forgot to fill out the housing form, but your old roommate dropped out so hi, hey, how’s it going, I guess we live together now” AU
“i accidentally flooded the laundry room and you really needed to do laundry” au
“we have to go camping together and share a sleeping bag even though we’re complete strangers” au
“the cereal dispenser in the dining hall broke while i was getting froot loops and now they’re all over the floor and you blame me ” au
“we argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and we’re still arguing outside of class” au
“you always bring food to lectures and share it with me because you don’t want to be the only person eating” college au
“you’re good at this subject, I’m not, I’m good at this subject, you’re not, lets be study buddies” college au
“my super important papers are in my backpack so I need to commandeer your umbrella please and thank you” college au
“I have a paper due tomorrow and it’s three am, I need all your coffee cause I ran out” college au
“you have a pet in your dorm and I have to help you hide it from the RA” college au
“It’s 2 am and we’re both doing laundry and I can see you checking out my hello kitty pajamas” college au

Shitty High School AUs

Cramming until 3 in the morning and having to sleep over at each others house AU
The classic Lab Partner AU
“I don’t like dressing out in front of people in the locker room can you cover me from now on” AU
“We’re the only ones in detention” AU
“I’m stuck in my locker and you’re the only one in the hall” AU
“None of my friends are good at math and I need a tutor but you are very intimidating” AU
“Someone wrote I’m cute in the bathroom stall and your notes match the handwriting” AU
“I twisted my ankle and you’re the only one here strong enough to carry me to the nurse’s office but we’re both really awkward” AU
“We were both left out when everyone was picking partners and now we always choose each other when we have classes together” AU
“I lent you my cool pencil months ago and you still use it” AU
“We were both skipping class at the same time in the bathroom but someone passed by and now were hiding in a cramped stall” AU
“I accidentally took your notebook thinking it was mine and you have really nice handwriting and cute doodles” AU
“You started sitting by me at lunch because I’m alone at my table but we never talk to each other” AU
“I was really hungry but had no money and you bought me lunch even though I don’t know you” AU
“You make two lunches every morning and give one of them to me every day” AU
“I found someone's graduation ring and I’m trying to figure out whose it is” AU
“I left my phone number on the bathroom stall wall and you text me about your day and your frustrations for a month & it’s really nice and cute but I still don’t know who you are” AU
“Our friends grouped up for prom but we’re the only two without a date lets hang out” AU
“I fell asleep on your couch after a party but you didn’t complain and made breakfast for the both of us” AU

Art School AUs

you’re a life model and i’m an artist
hi i need to draw someone for an assignment
i keep coming back to the print shop because my colours aren’t coming out right but also you’re really cute
you’re the opinionated one who always has a lot to say during critique but when i ask you out on a date you just blush and say yes
you’re trying to get your giant canvas into the elevator and you better watch out before you knock someone down, here, let me help you
in any public place: i could swear you keep looking at me, hang on are you drawing me
i borrowed some of your paintbrushes in class bc i forgot mine but i accidentally left with them
as part of an installation you’re doing you stand in the main hall dressed in white from head to toe with a sign inviting people to draw on you, so i leave my number on your back and you actually call
i’m new here can you help me find the printmaking studios? what do you mean you’re lost too
help me out while i paint this mural? someone’s got to hold the ladder
so we’re the only ones in the kiln room, huh
so we’re the only ones in the darkroom, huh
i bumped into you and your paint box fell and your stuff spilled out everywhere, oh god i’m so sorry
i need to make a plaster cast of someone’s face/body part, any volunteers
they painted over that one wall in the main staircase again so i was going to paint some cool graffiti on it but you got there first
I cut myself really badly in Printmaking and I’m trying not to bleed everywhere, turns out you carry a bunch of first aid supplies in your bag” AU
“I let you have a few sheets of darkroom photo paper, to pay me back you offered to model privately for my Studio Photography assignment” AU
“I’m a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, you’re a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because I’m so terrible at this” AU
“My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway” AU
“Our Figure Drawing teacher is an asshole, you stuck up for me when he started railing on my portraits” AU
“You saw me struggling to carry a giant cardboard sculpture for my installation and helped me get it to class” AU
“I’m zoning out working on this painting and you just stopped me from drinking out of my dirty water cup” AU

Theater AUs

we absolutely hate each other but we’re the romantic leads so i guess we have to make this work
i’m the stage manager and you’re the self-absorbed diva, so naturally we despise each other
one of us is an actor and the other is on tech and we’ve been warned not to date each other but wow do we really want to date
you can’t act for shit but i’m determined to help you improve if it kills me
our relationship is new/kind of rocky and i hate watching you kiss your ex on stage every night
i wrote a ten minute play for a school project and my friends are playing the romantic leads but i just realized i’m attracted to one of you and i don’t know if i can direct this anymore
i’ve seen this play about thirty times and you were my favorite character and you did it so beautifully i just had to tell you at stage door oh wait wow you’re attractive
we were cleaning up after the show and got locked in the theater over night and i swear i just heard a noise coming from that dark corner
i’m a veteran performer and you’re new to this company but you just stole my lead role away for the upcoming show and now i’m determined to destroy you
i’m the understudy for your character’s love interest and since he’s not here today you asked me to help you run the kissing scene and i’m really attracted to you
i was sitting in the front row when you winked at me onstage and i’m pretty sure you just beckoned me into your dressing room i really want to fuck you but i’m nervous as hell
you’re the casting director and i reeeeeaaalllly want a part in this show so i tried seducing you but i’m very bad at seduction
i just saw your show and though you may just be an ensemble member i thought you were the most talented person there also would you like to go on a date with me?
we were both in the drama program at our high school and we used to date but we lost contact when we went away to college and now we appear to both have been cast in this off-broadway production as the romantic interests and it’s the first time i’ve seen you in years so hi how have you been

Hogwarts AUs

we’re both prefects and we broke up a food fight in the great hall, but it got messy and dungbombs were involved, and now we’re both disgusting and in immediate need of a bath, and it’s okay, we can both use the prefects’ bathroom at the same time, i promise i won’t look
hi, you don’t know me, we’re from different houses, and i’m not exactly sure how to tell you this, but i think your cat is in love with my toad??
you walked in on me practicing for datda in an empty classroom, and have now inadvertently discovered that my boggart takes the form of a butterfly, please stop laughing
we’re partners for an essay project in history of magic and we need to get a book from the restricted section, but i’m not sure how the books are organized in this section, and you won’t stop trying to find weird sex books, like, no i don’t think they keep the wizard’s kama sutra in the restricted section, what is wrong with you?
we’re partners in divination, and i’m reading your tea leaves, and i don’t know what i’m doing, so i just am guessing on images, but somehow every image i guess ends up having a romantic connotation, i swear i’m not doing this on purpose
i am muggle born and/or know nothing about professional quidditch teams, but i heard through the grapevine that you’re really obsessed with the chudley cannons, and omg, did you know that’s my favorite team too?? (please don’t ask me questions about it)
we’re both in gryffindor tower and everyone is asleep except us, but it’s thunderstorming and i never noticed how loud thunder is up in this tower, haha, i’m a little freaked out, would you mind if i just sat in your bed with you? just until it’s over?
i am sorry i accidentally transfigured your goblet into a gigantic, venomous spider, at least madam pomfrey was able to bring down the swelling, and look, i brought you some chocolate frogs
you know, i was joking when i suggested you jump into the lake and see if there really is a giant squid, and i’m still not sure why you needed to take your clothes off to do this
how was i supposed to know you’d react to firewhiskey like that??
i am headboy/headgirl, and i’ve been asked to give a presentation on safe sexual practices, and you will not stop asking me uncomfortable questions to embarrass me, please stop, i know you know the answer to that, we did it last night
um, i don’t know you, but you are headed right towards the grounds, and i don’t have time to explain that i accidentally let all the blast-ended skrewts out of their cages, stop asking questions, you need to RUN

Music Major AUs

“You’re sleeping in the practice room I usually use at this time” AU
“You’re that one guy that won’t stop playing after the conductor cuts us off and it really pisses me off” AU
“I suck at music theory and you got the highest grade on the last exam. Please be my tutor?” AU
“You were the concertmaster and honestly i fell in love you with a bit more every time you stood up to get tuning going” AU
“We have to do a recital together because all the time slots are filled up but i really, really hate your guts” AU
“I fell in love with you while we were working on that duet AU”
“I helped you up when you fell over with your sousaphone so maybe please go on a date with me?” AU
“I only joined color guard because I have a huge crush on you” AU

Seasonal/Weather AUs

when it rains

who wears the designer raincoat/umbrella set and who is wearing oversized polkadot rainboots and a huge yellow duck raincoat
going for a walk in the rain and splashing in puddles
making a “SPLASH US!!” sign and standing on the side of the road waiting for cars to drive by
person A is Very Enthusiastic about thunderstorms and person B is Very Afraid so A makes up elaborate fake explanations abt where the thunder comes from to make B laugh and forget they were scared
We Were Going To Go On A Picnic But It Rained So We’re Picnicking Inside Anyway
which one seduces the other into standing under a tree before shaking the branch and soaking them
gOING SWIMMING IN THE RAIN and making out maybe

fall

which one gets Super Excited for fall and gets pumpkin everything while the other one shakes their head and can’t wait until mint everything
who rakes the leaves; who jumps into the pile
one carves the pumpkin, the other one stares horrified and whispers, ‘YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE GONNA KILL IT’
which one buys ugly baggy sweaters and which one actually wears them
one person wears fingerless gloves the other wears fluffy mittens
who buys mulled cider, who buys hard cider
who wears the really intense halloween costume, who wears a sheet with holes in it
BAKING PIES TOGETHER AND THEN WATCHING A SPOOKY MOVIE IN A BLANKET FORT
which person asks to do a seance in the graveyard halloween night, which one slaps them and says ‘have you ever SEEN a horror movie??”
‘i got caught staring at my adult neighbour raking up a bunch of leaves in their backyard and jumping into them and now have to awkwardly pretend i saw nothing’ au
met at a pumpkin patch fighting over the same perfectly round and picturesque pumpkin au
‘me and my roommate decided to decorate our house for halloween but got really into it, and ended up re-enacting several scenes from nightmare on elm street so loud the neighbours called the police to investigate screams’ au
'i ordered a pumpkin spice latte at starbucks and you made a heart with the foam and i decided to drink it here so i can smile at you some more’ au
'this stranger on the street corner looks like they’re severely unprepared for this cold weather, here, take my scarf, i was planning on donating it to goodwill anyways’ au
'i was unaware that there was an organized zombie crawl going on and i didn’t realize you were in a costume and i screamed in your face because i truly thought i was facing a zombie invasion’ au

Halloween

- I showed up to this haunted house alone because I thought I wouldn’t be scared but now I am and I might be holding your hand
- we just wanted to do one of those fake ghost hunting shows but now shit is actually happening and we don’t know what to do
- I’m on this ghost tour and my guide is really hot and no one has ever looked sexier in hoaky Victorian wear
- I’m giving out candy for Halloween and you brought your little sibling trick or treating and I actually think that’s really sweet
- your friends dared you to check out the same creepy haunted house? We should go together just in case
- we were supposed to go on a double date to this horror movie but neither of our dates showed up and it’s really just our friends trying to get us together
- we both got dragged to this stuffy Halloween party by our parents wanna kiss in the corner?
- we’re both last minute candy shopping and you are not allowed to grab the last chocolate variety pack I’ll fight you
- we’re at this Halloween party and this guy tried to drug your drink and I should probably tell you you’re also really cute
- I accidentally egged the wrong house and I’m trying to apologize but it’s one in the morning and you’re pissed off and I’m so sorry
- I’m trying to set up a homemade fog machine but I accidentally touched the dried ice with my hands and now I’m banging on your dorm room door because I need to go to the hospital right now
- my friend posted a jump scare and I screamed really loudly and now you’re knocking on my door and I have to come up with some good reason before I answer the door so you don’t think I’m stupid
-‘sir/ma'am our doors are closed, Halloween starts in like an hour and we can’t sell you any candy right now, we’re a small store and I want to go home!’
- I invited a bunch of people over to watch a horror movie and you’re the only one that showed up and it’s kind of cute that you hide behind my back every time you hear creepy music

snow/winter

BUILDING SNOWFAMILIES including their pets, house, dog, car,,,,
Who builds the snowman, who eats the carrot nose bc they weren’t paying attention (”OH THATS what the carrot was for, my bad”)
who-can-find-the-tackiest-decorations contest that gets super intense and oh god did we really need a second tree and the plastic santa and the rainbow menorah and all of these garlands jesus christ
who makes hot chocolate from scratch, who mixes it with a candy cane and calls it a day
watching cartoon holiday movies together in a blanket cocoon and singing along to the songs bc let’s be real everyone does it
snowball fights that end up forming barricades complete with les mis references and backup snowballs until person A is covered in snow and person B has to dig them out
oh no we stayed out too long and need to warm up better share the shower/hot chocolate to conserve resources
Who dumps snow down their partner’s neck and runs away laughing
person A burying person B in snow and then kissing their forehead and walking away (”YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU CANT LEAVE ME HERE” “I love you too I’ll be back!” “EXCUSE ME”)
GOING SLEDDING @ NIGHT AND THEN GOING STARGAZING AFTERWARDS IN OVERSIZED COATS/SHARING A SCARF BC THE STARS ARE ALWAYS THE NICEST IN THE WINTER AND HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A SHOOTING STAR AND WE TOTALLY WISHED FOR THE SAME THING
who wears the oversized scarf and hat, who wears a t shirt and skinny jeans no matter how cold it is (”DUDE ITS FUCKING -15″ “that’s WARM where I come from”)
you walked here in a blizzard to get your hot chocolate but you forgot your wallet at home, here, let me buy your drink for you
my friends want to skate / ski / snowboard but i don’t know how, can you help me?
i always thought you were weird for carrying an umbrella in the snow, but now it’s snowing REALLY hard and we’re going the same way
it’s so cold my mouth is numb, you should kiss me before we get frostbite
it’s so cold and the only reason we’re outside at all is because we need to walk our dogs
so you’re the kindly neighbour that shovelled my front walk this morning? you should come round for dinner, i owe you one
so we’re stuck on a ski lift together
i forgot my toboggan in the park only to come back and find you using it
when i wake up and look out the window, there’s a message for me in the snow in my front yard
we’re playing truth or dare in our friend’s hot tub and you make me get out and stand in the snow in my bare feet, i’m gonna get you back
the classic huddling together for warmth trope
you’re an ice dancer and i’m your coach and when you twirl your partner around i wish i was them instead
we’re both out snowmobiling but yours breaks down, i can give you a lift
we’re at the mall when there’s a severe weather warning over the loudspeakers, guess we’re spending the night here
i meant for that snowball to hit my friend but you came around the corner at the last second and now we’re having a snowball fight

Christmas

“i know we hate each other but it’s christmas eve and your flight was cancelled please come inside”
“i got you for secret santa so i got you this really expensive but sentimental gift that you’ve always wanted, hoping you’ll never find out it’s from me - and that i’ve been in love with you 1234567 years”
SNOWBALL FIGHTS
“hi we’re neighbours and omg are you alright i could smell cooking burning - whoaaa now that’s just embarrassing? step aside i’ll handle this”
“you’re in the hospital for the holidays so i came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room i love you merry christmas”
“YES I BOOBY TRAPPED THE PRESENTS BECAUSE YOU DO THIS EVERY FUCKING YEAR”
“i live below you and i was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW”
I KNITTED YOU A JUMPER
MY MOM KNITTED YOU A JUMPER
“we’re strictly ‘platonic’ but we’re snowed in omg we’re gonna have to repopulate the earth”
“i slipped on ice outside your house and you ran out barefoot to help me quick let’s get inside under a blanket”
“’it’s a wonderful life’ aww it sounds so cute babe sure we can watch it! *30 mins later* “YOU MONSTER”
“we were playing in the snow and you suddenly tackled me to the ground and now…we’re just…staring… at each other…”
“YOU DON’T LIKE MARSHMALLOWS IN YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE? WHY DO YOU HATE LOVE”
TREE DECORATING (bonus points if one of them is doing it completely wrong omg why am i in love with you)
“we took our kids to santa’s workshop and they both wished we would get together”
FRIENDS AU - “our christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt i never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl”
“we’re co workers who hate each other but you had too much to drink at the staff christmas party and admitted your love for me i don’t know how to act around you now”
TEACH ME HOW TO SKI (lol jk i know how you’re just so fucking cute)
“there’s a storm and omg i’m losing signal are you okay?? hold on let me drive 489432 miles to get you the night before christmas”
PULLING YOU IN FOR A KISS WITH A SCARF
“i did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face”
“I tried to order you presents online but they’re not here and it’s fucking Christmas Eve so now I’m desperately going from store-to-store in search of something to give you” AU
“I just wanted to put Christmas lights up but I ended up falling off the ladder and crashing into you while you were delivering a package to my door but oh god you’re hot” AU
“You insisted that we used real candles on our Christmas tree this year but now the entire thing is on fire and this is why I don’t listen to your ideas” AU
“Your mom is coming over for Christmas and I’m trying my best to impress her but now the Christmas cookies are on fire and you’re tipsy from the eggnog I made for later” AU
“We both bumped into each other under some mistletoe and kissed but it turns out you’re the kid from third grade who would tie my shoelaces together and I still hate you for that” AU
“I tried to woo you by baking Christmas cookies but I didn’T KNOW YOU WERE ALLERGIC TO VANILLA AND NOW I HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL I’M SO SORRY I RUINED YOUR CHRISTMAS” AU
“I bought my friend a neon pink dildo as a gag gift but I accidentally got the presents mixed up and gave it to you instead and now I have to awkwardly explain what happened” AU
“You’re a Christmas caroler and I tried to ambush you with snowballs to make you go away but oh god you’re actually cute” AU
“It’s the day before Christmas Eve and we were fighting over the same present to get someone but as we were pulling the present from each other I let go and you ended up hitting yourself in the face and now you’re really bruised oh god I’m so sorry, you can have the present I was being childish” AU
“I work as a bartender and you’re here at 3 am on Christmas Eve taking shots because you got dumped and I really just wanna go home and sleep but now you’re crying and I feel bad” AU
“We both work as gift wrappers in a post store and it’s Christmas Eve but nobody is here so we decide to fool around and wrap each other up but oh god our boss is coming and how are we supposed to explain ourselves” AU
“There’s this christmas dance and I wanted to ask you to go with me, so I planned this elaborate idea to ask you out but when the plan went through this girl that has a crush on me was there too and thought I asked her to the dance instead but oh god I didn’t mean for this to happen but now you’re mad at me and I don’t know how to make it up to you” AU
- the ‘I live next door and just burned my holiday turkey; I know you smell my failure. Do you happen to have a spot for me at your table?’ AU
- the 'We both are waiting for the same flight that has been delayed overnight; you want to cause some chaos and exchange crappy airport gifts?’ AU
- the 'I keep calling tech support because I’m an idiot with my computer and the guy has a voice sexier than the telephone sex operators on tv shows and I’m lonely because my family is doing separate Christmases this year.’ AU
- the 'I’m looking for a Christmas tree and this one is perfect; get your paws off my perfect tree’ AU
- the 'Look I was going to give this to my brother for Christmas but he and his girlfriend decided to go to his in-laws and I’m too pissed to send it to him, you want it?’ AU
- the 'Do you know how to wrap gifts; because, I am shitty at wrapping and this one is for my mother?’ AU
- the 'Secret Santa gave me your name and I refuse to find it creepy that I knew enough about you to get you the perfect gift but… do you like it?’ AU

Airport AUs

i fell asleep on your shoulder and you were too polite to move or wake me up au
we have the same luggage and didn’t check the tags before we left so i’m calling you to exchange suitcases (and you also had some interesting things in your bag so i’m excited to meet you) au
author of book gets seated next to someone reading their book and making entertaining faces at each scene au
bonding solely via eye contact over that annoying person on our plane that we’re both slowly becoming more and more exasperated about au
you fell asleep and i started making funny faces at your kid to keep them amused and the steward mistook us for a couple au
actually, any mistaken for a couple au
i’m afraid of flying and you were incredibly helpful and tolerant and sweet about it au
i made a horrible first impression at the gate or in line for airport food but now we’re sitting next to each other au

Assassin AUs

‘Wait, you’ve been hired to killthis guy too?!’ AU
‘My apologies, upon closer inspection it turns out that you are not the person I was hired to kill.’ AU
‘I haven’t decided if I’m actually going to kill you yet but first, either way, what did you DO to piss off the Canadians so badly.’ AU
‘They never told me the target was also a trained killer. Did they tell you?’ AU
‘I’m meant to kill you but I’ve been watching you for a week to work out how and you’re just too nice.’ AU
‘I’m intrigued; the last three attempts on my life were much better funded and prepared.’ AU
‘All my intel said you’re not meant to be back until next week and I’m sitting here using your flat as a sniper nest to kill a bad guy. This is awkward.’ AU
‘I can only assume we’re both missing part of the story here because that was supposed to kill you.’ AU
‘Dude, you just shot my arm off. Do they not hire assassins with an aim anymore?’ AU
‘Explain to me one more time, why exactly are you so desperate to buy this much Ricin?’ AU
‘So let me get this straight. You nuked my entire home city and you still didn’t manage to kill me?’ AU
‘Dude, no. If you kill me that just leaves you, the crazy guy and the CAT!’ AU
‘I don’t know who you are or how you got in here but I need you to give back at least some of the armoury.’ AU
‘Having drawn the short straw I’m the guy who has to explain to you why we can’t take out a hit on an entire landmass.’ AU
‘Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot back there but we are literally the only two people on this boat who are not assassins, so…’ AU

Business AUs

small business next door to each other on the high street w/ similar wares who always fight for customers au
“oops i accidentally banged my new boss” au
“i’m hiring you as a favour to my friend you better be good” au
children of parents who are business rivals and they sneak off to make out whenever they’re forced to attend business meetings au
single parent boss who sometimes has to bring the kids into work vs employee who once complained about the boss’ toddler throwing up on their paperwork au
“we’re both competing for the same promotion” au
“i’m really really worried you’re gonna fire me can i make up for the massive mistake i made???” au
boss/secretary au
“uhoh i’m dating my boss’ child and had no idea until i took them as my date to a work function” au
office prank war au
“i’ve been working for here for about two minutes i have no idea what i’m doing you’ve been here for years please help” au

Height Difference AUs

“I’m in a bookshop and I really need that book can you get it for me??? Wait you’ve read that book? let’s have an in depth conversation about it.”
“You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help”
“We’re both baristas and sometimes I have trouble reaching for things and I show up to work one day to find a personalized stool with hearts and my name on it i hATE YOU but also thanks”
“You are very tall and I am very short so you run into me all the time and honestly this is getting ridiculous”
I’m in art class and I just opened a cupboard to find a tiny person (you) squished inside and you just looked at and said “shh i’m hiding”
“We’re on the bus and I’m really not trying to take up your space I’m sorry I just have rlly rlly long legs”
We’re at a concert and I can’t see a thing let me sit on your shoulders, maybe?”
“You’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting vry suspicious”

Commuter AUs

You make paper stars in the train and you give me one everytime I see you. I have a hundred now and to celebrate I think I should finally talk to you.
I always see you eat breakfast on the train and you always offer me some.
We both take the train to school but we’ve never talked to each other before until today because we both got off at the wrong stop.
I can’t wait an hour for the bus so I use the Uber app constantly and somehow, you’re always the person I get.
I’m on a flight home but you had an allergic reaction and I luckily had an epipen on me. Then I gave you some benadryl but now you fell asleep on me and I feel responsible for what happens to you now because you look like a minor flying alone.
You stopped me at a gas station and asked me for directions to a building and I accidentally gave you wrong directions. I know because I have to go to the same building for my first day of work and oh look, you’re new here too and we’re both late.
We stopped a taxi at the same time but it turns out we work in the same building.
I got distracted by you when I was getting on the bus and then the bus started and I fell in your lap.
I’m waiting for the train and the only open seat is on a bench next to you ok sure I’ll sit down to the very cute person and I JUST SPILLED MY DRINK ALL OVER YOU I’M SO SORRY.
I don’t know you but I fall asleep on the train every ride home and you always wake me up cause we have the same stop but we’ve never actually talked. Then one day you’re the one falling asleep and I got so excited for my comeuppance I made us get off at the wrong stop.

Science AUs

I accidentally spilled hydrochloric acid on you so you really need to use the emergency shower and omg, if i knew you looked that good shirtless and wet i would have spilled it on you much earlier in the semester
You caught me looking at your answers in the lab but you really need to let me keep copying you, please, I have no idea what i’m even looking at under the microscope
No one should look as good as you do in safety goggles
could you please stop saying “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”???? it’s fucking physics
you keep messing up this titration and if i see this solution go bright bloody purple one more time i will beat you with the measuring cylinder
i’m sorry i keep messing up the titration
i fainted during the dissection and you’re the one who caught me

Road Trip AUs

driving shitty rental cars and living off of gas station food and going way too fast down highways with the radio up
alternately: “hell no you cannot survive off of gas station candy I’m taking us to a real restaurant”
getting lost on the way to the restaurant and having to ask for directions at a remote little souvenir shop
going to tourist traps just to buy shitty souvenirs for each other and compete for the most tacky ones.
traveling to super crowded cities and taking a couple of days off just to enjoy the feeling of being lost. driving down winding country roads and opening all the windows because it’s like being found.
which member of your otp wants to go to super sophisticated cities and which one wants to visit the world’s largest ball of yarn?
staying in shitty motels, okay? the kind of creepy-not-quite-real aesthetic of neon lights and soft linen and staying awake all night listening to the other person breathe.
alternately: you literally get the chance to write the scenario where the characters trade off seats during the night and the driver keeps looking at their sleeping companion and getting distracted because of the way the moonlight bounces off of their face and ugh
taking turns deciding on the next destination and characters declaring things like “oh my god, I hate the countryside” but they wind up loving it
car karaoke. someone probably owns the complete collection of disney cds. they probably take it very seriously.
characters who keep making more and more detours because they want it to last forever even though it can’t.
I told you that bag of hot fries was mine but you ate them while i was sleeping and now i’m pissed and stuck with you (and half a pack of stale graham crackers) in the car for the next eight hours au
i’ve had to listen to you going to the bathroom in our silent hotel room for the past four nights and i don’t know if this is bringing us closer together or further apart au
you’ve been driving forever and you keep being passive aggressive every time i ask if you want me to take a turn and i’m about to grab the wheel to make you pull over au
you don’t want to waste money on a hotel when your grandparents are in the area but their little lapdog barks at all hours and your grandma won’t stop trying to feed me au
is that blood? on the sheets of this shady hotel? and new sheets cost fifty bucks that we don’t have au
the road we need to take is completely snowed in and there’s nothing but a grocery store in sight… you ever begged to sleep in a shopping cart before? au
the people in the room above us are doing loud things and we have nothing tall enough to bang on the roof with (unless either of us is willing to stand on the bed and use our head) and it’s too late to talk to management au
i never realized you were such an awful driver but since it’s your car you won’t let me drive and i’m seriously fearing for my life au

Oh God I’m So Sorry AUs

we were playing a pickup game of basketball and I elbowed you in the face and that’s a lot of blood I’m so sorry
I was in a hurry and I ran into you outside the coffee shop while you were carrying two lattes and it turns out they were both for you except that now you’re wearing them I’m so sorry
this is my first job waiting tables and wow these plates are heavy but I’m doing my best which apparently isn’t enough to defy gravity I’m so sorry
I love hockey, I am Ruler of the Rink and apparently I don’t know my own strength because I just crushed you into the boards I’m so sorry
running is supposed to be good for your health except I seem to have sprained my ankle and I took you out with me I’m so sorry
I was in the middle of a sick skateboard trick when you walked into my path and I couldn’t stop in time I’m so sorry
being a bike courier is great for my legs and it makes me good money and I meet hot people by running them over I’m so sorry
these super powers are so awesome it’s so exciting but I have zero control over them and I’m so sorry
you look a lot like my good friend so I ran up behind you and grabbed your ass with both hands in front of everyone I’m so sorry
I was hired to walk up to you and kiss you in public for the paparazzi and I only did it because I’m broke but you are a good guy and a good kisser I’m so sorry
I am the worst at parallel parking I mean I am so sorry about your fender I really hope one of us has insurance I’m so sorry
formal events are not my thing these shoes are new and this is a very long staircase at least you were at the bottom to break my fall I’m so sorry

Bookstore AUs

“What do you mean we can’t get a bookstore cat? I don’t care if you’re allergic, it’ll bring people to the store!” AU
A runs a small, locally owned bookstore and somehow gets their hands on this old, cursed book. Interested, A takes it home and begins to read it, unknowing of the book’s power. B is a mage in search of the book, and stumbles upon A’s bookstore. Though, their first interaction is an odd one, B is trying to pry the book from A’s hands if it will kill them. How does B sort this out? How does the curse effect A?
“You borrowed a copy of my favourite book several weeks ago and haven’t returned it yet. I managed to track you down, where is it?” AU

Sickfic AUs

“I get airsick and you’re the overly concerned flight attendant”
“So I’m hypoglycemic and you’re my coworker who likes to give me baked goods ‘just in case’ and wow you’re a good chef also you’re rlly cute”
You’re sick with a cold at my cabin that has no wifi and no cell service and we both can’t remember if you starve a cold or feed it???? So im panicking and you’re panicking and evERYONE’S PANICKING.”
“I have poor circulation and sometimes get chills and you have the warmest body so i like to cuddle with you as much as possible.”
I didn’t think chicken pox was still a thing but apparently it is because you’re sitting here miserable and i’m trying to comfort you with my rlly dumb jokes and i dont know how to fix this”
You just got your tonsils removed so I showed up with ten pints of ice cream and this might be bad timing but you should know ive had a crush on you for years sHHH DON’T SAY ANYTHING YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK.”
I’m drugged up on cough medicine and right now sounds like a gREAT time to tell you how hot you are and pass out in your car.”
You passed out in my car because of strong medication and now I have to figure out how to get you home and avoid taking a picture of your cute sleeping face.”
“Hi so i know we haven’t talked before but we have French Literature together and i noticed you’ve been gone and since we’re on the same dormitory floor i thought i’d stop by and give you my really thorough notes and oh wow you’re rEALLY sick are you ok?”
“Tbh you read WebMD way too much and no, that sneeze was not a possible sign of a chronic illness leave me alone”

Disability AUs

We’re the only two neurodivergent people in this Psychology 101 Class we must band together to survive.
You’re the ASL interpreter working my favorite artist’s concert and you’ve done the most masterful interpretation of my favorite song can we go out for coffee?
There’s only one gluten free muffin left don’t think I won’t fight you for it.
Autism Speaks put a vile billboard in our hometown and we both decided to deface it on the same night.
This library only has one audiobook copy of the obscure textbook our professor is making us use so I guess we’re sharing it.
We’re both skipping social skills class I won’t tell if you don’t.
The most frustrating thing about having my AAC machine broken right now is it’s so much harder to flirt with the cute technician who came over to fix it.
I have Crohn’s Disease and some asshole wouldn’t let me cut them in line to the bathroom but then u burst out of your stall with ur pants down and ushered me in. Also ur underwear is really cute.
There’s only one theatre in this town that plays movies with captions and I always see u there but the thing is the films you go to are all shit let me show you what real cinematography is.
I’m new here and I don’t know where any of the ramps are yet please help.
You’re my favorite paralympian can you autograph my prosthesis?
Someone tried to push my chair and then got mad at me when I told them to leave me alone so you picked them up to give them a taste of their own medicine. It turns out you also have mobility problems and this was a good symptom day for you but then you lifted a grown adult and now everything hurts. I am oddly endeared by ur terrible impulse control can u maybe hitch a ride with me?
Our physical therapy sessions overlap and I know it’s rude to stare but ur butt in those yoga pants damn.
I forgot to renew my prescription several days in a row and got to the pharmacy minutes before closing time and you rang me up but it turns out I forgot my wallet at home and now I’m crying hysterically did I mention I’ve been off my meds for a few days.
We get chemo on the same schedule and we’ve never talked but I see you all the time and ur really cute.
We’re both little people trying to find formalwear in the children’s aisle and exchanging shopping and tailoring tips has quickly turned into flirting.
You’re my new roommate in the ward and I was about to lay down the law but ur really hot omg so now I’m just blabbering.
Ok so I know this is illegal but I noticed that you take the same prescription as me and I forgot my meds at my dorm please can you lend me a pill I have a test today that’s 30% of my final grade.
I just got my diagnosis and I’m really scared but I went into the tag and found ur selfies and posts and u are so funny and gorgeous and insightful can we skype some time?

Language AUs

~“you’re having a conversation in a language i’m fluent in and you just called me beautiful without realising I understand every word you’re saying, and you’re pretty easy on the eyes yourself so hello there”
~alternatively, “you’re having a conversation in a language i’m fluent in and you just called me what i’m pretty sure was an insult without realising I understand every word you’re saying, fight me”
~“i’m meeting your family for the first time and tried to learn your first language to impress them but i really suck at languages. stop laughing at me. i think i called your mother a donkey when i was trying to compliment her cooking. fuck.”
~“i said i spoke fluent [insert language here] on my CV to get this job and suddenly they want me to actually converse with a client next week, so i need you to teach me like right now. get some coffee. this is gonna be a long week”
~“there’s only two of us in this language class, but i’m only here because there was a rumour the lecturer gives out free food whilst you’re actually trying to learn. tell you what, you do all the talking, i spy some croissants which demand my attention”
~“i’m learning your language to surprise you, and why exactly does this book say that your pet name for me actually means ‘small monkey’???”
~“i already thought you were attractive but then you started speaking french and bonjour”
~“i don’t know what you’re saying, you don’t know what i’m saying, so apparently we’re playing charades to figure out what the fuck is going on”
~”teach me how to swear, i want to call my flatmate a shit without them knowing”

More Random AUs

you’re getting married to the wrong person so imma gonna crash your wedding
we were deeply in love but I broke your heart (even though I’m still in love with you) when I moved away with no explanation or goodbye but now I’m back home and we run into each other at the supermarket
i’m the captain of the football team, you’re the ‘geek’, but i still have a massive secret crush on you even though i’m afraid going out with you will fuck up my reputation
i’m a teacher, you’re my new student and god damn i want you
i’m a big corporate tycoon, you’re my new temp
i’m a wanted criminal on the run, you’re the young wild-child wanting to escape your boring life and live on the edge
our parents are the enemy crime lords, but i still love you
i’m a gladiator, you’re a roman elite
i’m a werewolf, whom you find wounded on the side of the road (as a wolf) and take in/nurse back to health — i can’t shift back into human form because it’ll freak you the fuck out. you share your secrets and hopes and dreams with me, and i fall in love with you, so, when you’re away from home, i shift back into a man and try to get you to fall in love with me too.
i’m an assassin, you’re my target
i’m a trouble youth, you’re the head of a youth home that takes me in
i’m a soldier, you run a war-protest group
i’m a soldier, you’re the girl i met and fell in love with before i shipped out to iraq, only to go missing, presumed to be dead. two years later, i show up on your doorstep — only, you’re married with a baby. (based on traveling soldier, by dixie chicks)
i’m a play-it-safe banker, you’re the live-on-the-edge girl that gives me a ride to the gas station when my car breaks down
i’m leading a rebellion against the king, you’re his heir

‘I got in my car and you were sleeping in the backseat who the hell are you and how did you get into my car’ au
‘we take the same elevator every day and due to a misunderstanding I assumed you didn’t speak english and I’ve been talking to my friend about how hot you are for three weeks and apparently my friend has known from the start but you agreed not to tell me bc you both think it's hilarious what the fuck’ au
‘we somehow got stuck overnight in an ikea and I just want to go to sleep in one of the display beds but you’re slowly convincing me that it’d be fun to see how much shit we can get into before the morning staff come to open up the store’ au
‘I accidentally dropped you while you were crowd surfing and you broke your ankle and now I feel responsible so I’m carrying you out of the moshpit’ au
‘I walked into the public bathroom at a mcdonalds and you’re dangling halfway out of an air vent do I even want to know what you were doing’ au
‘I found you on the roof of my house passed out with a black eye holding a fire extinguisher’ au
“HEY STOP! YOU’RE STEALING MY NEIGHBOR’S DOG! WHAT THE FU – oh, they hired a dog walker? hahaha haha.. ha… carry on”
“i’m in the nurse’s office a lot with migraines and you’re always in here organizing her tongue depressors and i really don’t think you go to this school so what gives”
“the building manager neglected to tell me the window washers would be coming by today so excuuuuuuse me for thinking that twenty three floors up was high enough that i could dance around in my office without being seen”
“you’ve been awkwardly inching your way towards the human sexuality section of the bookstore i work at for like fifteen minutes are you looking for something in particular or –?”
“you and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and i’m really just trying to study over here so i’m gonna put an end to this by winning the game”
“it’s 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping”
“my favorite band dropped a new single today and i’ve had it on repeat for seven hours and i can see you judging me but that isn’t going to make me shut it off"
“hey new neighbor it appears that your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and they’re really jealous and i’m sorry but not really because hellloooooo there”
I lost my little sibling in IKEA and I need your help finding them
I work at the animal shelter and you always come in to pet the cats when you’re sad
“Oh so you’re the camp counselor my little sibling keeps talking about”
We both have friends who party too hard and we keep running into each other in the bathroom while we hold their hair back
We showed up at a book club meeting but we’re the only people there who are not interested in Nicholas Sparks
We both signed up for an adventure cycling class and we’re the slowest people so we always end up biking together at the back
I work at Chuck E. Cheese and your sibling is having a huge birthday party
Your RA almost caught your illegal cat but I convinced them that it was just me meowing
I have a service dog and you’re failing this class because you just stare at it instead of taking notes
Our little siblings are on rival sports teams and I’ve made it my life goal to cheer louder than you
Someone gave me a fake phone number and it’s actually yours

“hey you’re in that one show?” Actor au
“your dog is fine, but here’s my number anyway” veterinarian au
Teacher au where all their students ship it
“I live next door and I heard screaming so I came over thinking someone was getting murdered and now we’re both trying to get the spider out of your apartment” au
“you live in the apartment above me and everyday I can hear you singing in the shower but you’re really good and it makes my day” au
“I caught the garter and you caught the bouquet” au
“it’s 3 am and you’re the only person in the bar that knew all the lyrics to my favorite song and now we’re doing bad karaoke” au
“I opened my car door right as you rode your bike by and I am so sorry” au
“hey can I draw you?” au
“your music is really loud but oh my god this is my jam” au
“we’re both camping out in front of a store to get the newest movie/videogame/whatever” au
“I keep calling the IT center because you seem really cute” au
“I saw you break that thing by accident but your secret is safe with me” au
“I accidentally broke this and now we’re both trying to fix it” au
“We’re at comic-con and how the hell is your costume so good???” au
“you saw me trying to get my couch up the stairs by myself and were nice enough to help” au
“I got in a fight and you took me to the ER but you should see the other guy” au
“you tripped and I caught you but now it looks like I’m dipping you, how did this even-” au
I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck
We work in the same office and you have a goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ANNOYS ME
Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this
It started to snow and I’m the only one of our friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my back and declared snow war
It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in love with them actually that works for established relationship too)
Current partner got a new job in America (or other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)
You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??
You were waving at your friend behind me but I got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you think it’s cute
I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh
Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”
You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no
there’s a long ass train and we’ve been waiting for it to pass for twenty minutes and you’re leaning out of the window of your car yelling at it so i’ll make some polite conversation au
i ran away from home and knocked on the wrong door but you want to take me in anyway au
waiting in a holding cell together for our friends to bail us out and you’re unexpectedly cool au
are they staring at me or staring into the space around me i can’t tell and it’s intimidating au
you come here when i want to be alone and i didn’t think anyone knew about it so where the hell did you come from au
met you at a bar but it turns out you’re a soldier and you’re getting shipped into combat tomorrow au
gave a running hug to the wrong person at the airport and knocked you to the ground au
i’m a government worker and i had to seduce you for a case but i’m starting to like you legitimately au
you came to look at the puppies i have for sale and you’re so into it that i can’t help but kneel down and help you assess them au
walking between my s.o and you and i grabbed the wrong damn hand au
called the wrong number and confessed my love to you in a sappy way before you could get a word in au
we were studying across from each other in the library not acknowledging each other for hours and you passed out and fell onto my book so i’m screwed au