I’m making “this document” public solely because I receive hundreds of access requests and it floods my emails/notifications to the point where I have to turn all of them off, which is annoying, because it means I don’t see access requests for other documents of mine. There is no way to turn off the ability for people to request access to a Google Drive file, so this is a workaround. This is not the original document. I’ve made a copy of the original document which I will not be sharing the link to. While I’m here, I might as well explain, because I still lurk in the community sometimes and see people express confusion as to why the exposé of allegations/testimonies is not public anymore, especially with Nick’s return via the first live gig since the accusations (which caused a huge influx of access requests).

I have only spoken to a couple of the involved parties since the allegations were made public, and I don’t feel it would be appropriate to try and reach out to all of them on a regular basis and dredging up what are likely painful emotions just so I could ensure I do the “right thing” by way of, for example, letting them democratically decide on what should be done with this document, because I have no right to speak on their behalf. I think most people can agree that would be kind of overkill and maybe performative.

However, I was extremely involved in the fiasco and spent an obsessive amount of time engaging in what I felt was due diligence as a reputable figure in the fanbase. Nobody made, urged, or even asked me to do it. I just did it because I felt it was the right thing to do at the time. I don’t regret making it, but it’s been nearly five years, and a lot happens in five years. I spent practically every waking moment for two weeks compiling testimonies from willing parties and detailing the timeline of events in order to try and prevent the spreading of misinformation, so I don’t feel it’s necessarily unethical for me to decide what I do with a nearly five-year old eighty-page avalanche of incredibly harrowing information sitting in my Google Drive account.

I’m not attempting to convince anyone of anything by expressing the following opinions: Nick has been incredibly transparent regarding his past in the numerous blog posts he’s made to his website. The day I made this document private was the day I saw him admit on his blog things that were never made public in the exposé. Like with all victims that contributed their stories in the exposé, I made a serious effort to ensure that nobody felt obligated or pressured to throw themselves into the fray by providing testimony. There was an instance where someone in the community owned up to the fact that they essentially pressured another party into reaching out to me to provide testimony, which I discovered in talking to that party. That party was never made to be publicly involved because they didn’t actually want to be. I wanted to be incredibly careful that nobody would do something outside of their comfort zone, or do something they might have regretted releasing before it was too late to take it back

 Notably, his sister was in contact with me and wrote an entire testimony about incredibly intimate accounts of how his abusive behaviors affected his family. She wrote a second one because she wanted to remove certain details she worried she would regret including. We had numerous discussions about her comfort in providing testimony, and she ultimately decided to keep these family matters private for the sake of her family’s privacy. I never divulged any of this to the community, and that was the end of her involvement in the exposé.

Why am I divulging this now? For those who don’t know - Nick publicly admitted on his blog to mistreating his family - specifically his sister. Seeing him offer up this information that was never made public (to my knowledge) was a clear sign that he (likely) is truly reckoning with the abuse he enacted on others, which is why I made the document private after witnessing him admit to that (and more). I feel the exposé served its purpose, and it serves less and less purpose as time goes on. Having the vivid details regarding all involved parties (especially the names of the victims that provided testimony) made publicly and easily accessible forever does not feel in line with the original purpose of the exposé.

If new and current allegations come to light about Nick that show he is still not to be trusted as a public figure with a platform that he can use to hurt others, I will replace all of what you see here with the original document. For now, this is what I’ve decided to do with this link and why.