Clapcast 66: Ghoulin' Over Here
Transcribed by Daneran#6021
JANINE: [cross] Why is this everywhere?
ART: [cross] Yeah. They…
[DRE chuckles]
ART: They wanted one in the ceremony.
AUSTIN: [cross] Ahhh!
ART: [cross] But we said no.
[KEITH laughs]
JANINE: [cross] Uh-huhh…
AUSTIN: [cross] You didn’t want to take that money?
ART: [cross] No.
AUSTIN: [cross] That could have been good money!
ART: It was… Yeah. They were, like… [cross] 10 grand.
JANINE: [cross, unintelligible] [??? – 0:00:13]
KEITH: Well it… It was Netflix so there was no residuals.
AUSTIN: I see!
ART: [chuckles] Yeah. And it would have been the pictures forever.
KEITH: Right.
AUSTIN: Right. [cross] Right, sure.
[DRE murmurs affirmatively]
KEITH: [cross] Every time they rebroadcast Art’s wedding pictures…
[AUSTIN & ART laugh]
KEITH: …you know, Netflix is getting a cut.
[JANINE laughs]
AUSTIN: But Art isn’t.
KEITH: Timothy Olyphant's probably getting a cut!
AUSTIN: Oh for sure!
KEITH: But Art's getting nothing.
ART: Yeah.
KEITH: [cross] And he…
DRE: [cross] I don't know, maybe Timmy Olyphant didn't get a cut, that's why he's got to do Justified 2.
AUSTIN: [cross] Is Justified 2 happening?
KEITH: [cross] Yeah. Nobody wants the beginning…
ART: Wait, is that real?
DRE: [cross] Yeah. Yeah.
ALI: [cross] Yeah.
ART: [cross] Didn’t they kill…
DRE: [cross] It is Justified: City Primeval…?
ALI [laughs] What?!?
KEITH: Sorry… I missed what you said…
ART: What?!?
KEITH: …but from Justified: City Primeval it sounds like they're doing a horror Justified spin-off? That takes place in hell?
AUSTIN: That sounds great! They should do that!
ART: Wait! Can I… Can I…
[JANINE laughs]
ART: Can I ask a question that relates to a Justified spoiler for a second?
DRE: [cross] Sure.
KEITH: [cross] I’ve never seen it, so that’s fine.
ALI: [cross] Uhm, how spoiler…? Okay, wait. I’m gonna…
AUSTIN: [cross] Wai-wai-wai-wait. Wai-wai-wai-wai-wai-wai-wait!
ART: [cross] This should be a literally a last episode spoiler.
AUSTIN: [cross] No. The answer is no.
ALI: [cross] I’m leaving the call.
ART: [cross] Okay.
ALI: [cross] I’ll be right back. [chuckles]
ART: Oh no! I'm not doing it! I'm not doing it!
ALI: [laughing] Okay! Everybody else could talk about Justified.
AUSTIN: No, no. [cross] It’s fine.
ALI: [cross] I'm fine to bail out.
JANINE: [cross] I don’t know what this even is. So… [cross]
AUSTIN: It’s a Timothy Olyphant show where he's… a cop who has to rub shoulders with… you know, criminals and… [cross] but also, kind of, you know…
DRE: [cross] God! Ar… Austin!
ART: It's a… It's a neo-noir gothic western.
ALI: [cross] Uh-huh.
AUSTIN: [cross] Yeah. That's right.
DRE: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
DRE: Set in Appalachia, Kentucky.
AUSTIN: Yeah. Uh-huh.
ART: Yeah, I guess if something, Kentucky can be a western.
[ALI chuckles]
AUSTIN: [cross] Yeah.
DRE: [cross] Yeah. It is.
AUSTIN: [cross] It is!
DRE: It absolutely is.
ART: Well, it's just not that far west.
DRE: The main antagonist…
KEITH: Yeah.
DRE: …he and… he and the cop grew up mining coal together, [cross] you see.
ALI: [cross] Yeah.
AUSTIN: [cross] Right.
ART: [cross] Yeah.
ALI: [cross] And they have a little bit of a…
AUSTIN: [cross] Exactly. Yeah.
ART: [cross] Oh, I’m sorry.
ALI: [cross] …a little bit of a vibe.
ART: [cross] Neo-noir, gothic…
AUSTIN: [cross] They definitely have a vibe!
DRE: [cross] Ohhh, yeah…!
ART: [cross] … homoerotic western.
AUSTIN: [cross] Homoerotic western.
DRE [cross] Yeah! Uh-huh! [laughs]
[ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: Yeah. Ye-ye-yeah.
DRE: It is so fucked up to me… That's the first thing I've ever seen Walter Goggins in and then after that I just saw, like, all the sitcoms and shit he's in. Where he's, like, the perfect nice guy man. And I… I can't.
AUSTIN: Oh, I can't imagine him like that at all. [cross] Is he…
DRE: [cross] So…
ART: [cross] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah! He did this show The Unicorn.
KEITH: Oh…
DRE: [cross] The Unicorn.
ART: [cross] Where he is, like, the very nicest man that's like: “don't you fall for it single women of Los Angeles! He's gonna kill you!”
AUSTIN: Does he still look like that?
JANINE: [cross] Ohhh!
ART: [cross] That's what he looks like.
KEITH: Yeah.
DRE: I mean, he's like nicer put together but he's still… I mean, he still looks like Walter Goggins.
KEITH: [cross] I’ve never…
ART: [cross] Yeah. He's combed his hair.
DRE: Yeah.
KEITH: I've never seen Walter Goggins in anything more than a guest spot. But I always got from him, like, slightly off-putting weirdo… [cross] was the vibe…
DRE: [cross] Yeah!
ART: [cross] I just…
KEITH: … than nice guy.
ART: I do want to put out while just we’re on the subject, I believe it's Walton Goggins. T-o-n.
DRE: Oh, you’re right. It is Walton.
KEITH: Walton. Yeah, it is.
ART: Uh. Yeah. But, you know, he was, like, full-on CBS sitcom dad. And, like, the plot was like: his wife died. And he has two kids.
AUSTIN: [cross] Oohh…!
ART: [cross] And he's doing such a good job raising them. And his friends want him to date now. And it's like… it's not…
AUSTIN: [cross] Him?
ART: [cross] It’s not… [unintelligible??? – 0:03:03]
DRE: [cross] I think his kids want him to date now, too.
[KEITH laughs]
AUSTIN: Wow.
ART: Yeah.
DRE: I'm just… I'm posting screencaps from the show in dogpound so you can…
[ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: [sneezes, cross] Excuse me.
JANINE: [cross] I'm just having the intrusive thought of what if his name was Walton Goggers.
[KEITH laughs]
JANINE: Instead of Walter.
ALI [cross] Sure…
AUSTIN: [cross] Right-right-right. I got you. If you swapped them. Yeah.
JANINE: Yeah. [chuckles]
DRE: Uhum.
ART: This dog picture looks Photoshopped!
DRE: [cross] It does.
AUSTIN: [cross] It almost certainly is. Right?
ART: I guess! [chuckles]
ALI: [cross] Yeah. That's not his head.
KEITH: [cross] Well, he hates dogs.
AUSTIN: That’s not his head!
KEITH: Yeah.
[ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: That person was not facing this direction.
JANINE: Oh that's a… That's a bad… That's bad.
[pause]
DRE: [cross] Wait…
AUSTIN: [cross] That might be a drawing!
JANINE: [cross] You could see the tap out of that shot… [??? – 0:03:37]
KEITH: [cross] This is…
DRE: [cross] Wait!
JANINE: [cross] It’s a weird tap sticking out there?
DRE: Walton Goggins is gonna be in the Fallout TV show.
AUSTIN: [cross] Yeah. Yes. As…
KEITH: [cross] Is that Rob Corddry behind him?
AUSTIN: [cross] As “Ghoul.”
ART: [cross] That is Rob Corddry. Yes.
AUSTIN: Right?
DRE: [cross] Oh, I don't know.
AUSTIN: [cross] He's a Ghoul… He’s a ghoul named Ghoul. That's actually true.
ALI: What?
DRE: I feel like…
ART: [cross] I think they should name a ghoul “A Ghoul Named Ghoul.” [??? – 0:03:55]
DRE: [cross] I think one of the characters in the older Fallout movies… Or in the Fallout games — I feel like there was, like, a ghoul named Ghoul…
AUSTIN: [cross] I don’t… Let me tell you, I've watched…
DRE: [cross] … who joined your party or something.
AUSTIN: I watched those Range Touch folks play those games! That is not… I don't believe that that's true.
DRE: Okay.
AUSTIN: I don't believe that [cross] there’s a ghoul named Ghoul.
DRE: [cross] That just sounds like something that would be in Fallout, I guess! [chuckles]
AUSTIN: Yes! Yes. It's like a type of being. You know?
DRE: Uhum.
AUSTIN: Are we all… Is Jack here? No Jack yet.
ALI: [cross] And Sylvie.
JANINE: [cross] I bet…
ART: [cross] There’s no Jack or Sylvie.
KEITH: [cross] Or Sylvie.
AUSTIN: Or Sylvie.
JANINE: I bet the Ghoul thing is that they want to do, like, a reveal — where it's like: it's not just a zombie. Because they're assuming…
AUSTIN: Hmm…!
JANINE: A lot of… They're assuming most people who watch a show won't have actually…
AUSTIN: Right. Right.
JANINE: … played Fallout.
AUSTIN: [cross] Right.
JANINE: [cross] So they won't know that ghouls are, like, just people…?
AUSTIN: Uhum.
DRE: Uhum.
JANINE: So they're gonna… They're gonna do that reveal. You know?
AUSTIN: That’s… Yeah. That makes perfect sense to me.
[ALI sniffs]
DRE: [in a raspy voice] Hey, I'm ghouling over here!
ALI: [cross] Yeah…
AUSTIN: [cross] That's what he says… That’s how he sounds. Just generally speaking. So…
KEITH: [mock-shouting] “They said ghoul! They said ghoul!”
AUSTIN: Yeah. [chuckles] That's the… Well, that's a Fallout fan. Yeah.
KEITH: Yeah. Ye-ye-yeah. That's the… They get the reference.
AUSTIN: They get the… Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. We're in on it over here.
[pause, someone clears their throat]
ART: This interview about why they're doing a Justified revival is just these people, like, trying very hard not to say “the money was too good.”
DRE: [cross] Yeah.
AUSTIN: [cross] Right. Sure.
ART: There's all these interviews like: “we're really happy with what we did, we thought we'd close that chapter [mic cuts out briefly] … back!”
[AUSTIN chuckles ]
KEITH: I… In my head it only ended a few years ago… but it ended in 2015.
ART: Well…
KEITH: I was gonna say like it's…
AUSTIN: [cross] That’s time!
DRE: [cross] That’s time…
KEITH: [cross] It's ridiculously too early to do a revival.
AUSTIN: That’s time!
KEITH: Seven years still is early, but…
AUSTIN: [cross] Yeah.
KEITH: [cross] I guess it's not that early. I've never… I've never seen… I've only heard good things about it, but…
DRE: It's… I love that show. I'm definitely blinded by it being in Kentucky — but I'd love that show.
ALI: [cross] It’s fun!
ART: [cross] That show was really good!
ALI: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Ohh! This new one is not in Kentucky!
ART: [cross] No.
DRE: [cross] No. I think it's in Miami.
AUSTIN: No!
ART: It's in Detroit!
AUSTIN: It’s in Detroit!
DRE: Oh! Oh, you're right! Ye-ye-yeah.
AUSTIN: Detroit is the titular City Primeval.
ALI [mildly impressed] Wow!
KEITH: Uhm…
AUSTIN: [cross] The…
ART: [cross] Detroit, or as they called it, the Kentucky of the North.
AUSTIN: Right. Yeah.
JANINE: [chuckling] I was gonna say the same thing.
AUSTIN: Uh-huh…
KEITH: They also call it the Miami of the North. Which is really confusing.
[AUSTIN laughs]
DRE: Sure, sure, sure.
[pause]
JACK: Hello.
AUSTIN: [cross] Hello!
ALI: [cross] Hi!
SYLVI: Hi, Jack!
ART: Hi!
AUSTIN: Hi.
JACK: Hello. Uhm. There's like a tiny little bit of noise on my microphone…
AUSTIN: It’s fine.
AUSTIN: But I don't think it's… the kind of thing that noise removal will have a problem removing.
ALI: Uhum.
AUSTIN: Sure. [cross] Also, you're going to be on this call for…
JACK: [cross] But I wanted to let you know, Ali.
AUSTIN: [cross] … not a long time.
JACK: [cross] Oh, yeah. But I don't want to be hissing, you know?
AUSTIN: Uhum.
JACK: While I'm here.
ALI: [softly] Yeah.
JACK: I don't want to spend my one wild and crazy life…
KEITH: Well…
AUSTIN: [cross] Not hissing?
JACK: [cross] … as Mary Oliver says, hissing.
[AUSTIN chuckles]
JACK: The wild geese. What are you gonna do with your one wild life?
KEITH: [simultaneously] Hiss.
AUSTIN: [simultaneously] Hiss.
JACK: Yeah…
KEITH: Like geese do.
JACK: Like geese do, yeah. Yeah. One of my friends has geese on a farm and the goose's foot got sick…
DRE: [cross] Aaww…
[someone, very distorted] Aw, cute! [potentially Art??? – 0:06:53]
JACK: [cross] And it had to go in the human bath in the human bathroom. And the goose did not like this…
KEITH: [cross] Hmm…!
AUSTIN: [cross] Ohhh…
JACK: [cross] … other than the fact that it could lower its head into the ceramic of the bath and scream and hear an echo.
ALI [cross] Ohhh!
[KEITH & ART laugh]
JACK: Which it did.
DRE: [cross] Hold on, let me add that to my character sheet. Hold on. [laughs]
JACK: [cross] “Holy shit!”
AUSTIN: [cross] That’s great… That’s great goose energy. That’s impeccable goose energy.
[ALI laughs]
JACK: “I don't want to be here but when I scream it echoes and this is fascinating to me.”
AUSTIN: Yeah.
ART: [cross] That is the world! [??? – 0:07:22]
DRE: [cross] Did they have an audio recording of that by chance?
[AUSTIN chuckles]
JACK: They do. They do. But I think it's on their private twitter, unfortunately. [chuckles]
[AUSTIN chuckles]
DRE: Okay. Alright.
[pause]
JACK: [cross] … the goose [??? – 0:07:30]
SYLVI: [cross] Am I coming through okay?
AUSTIN: Yeah.
JACK: [cross] Yeah, you sound great. [??? – 0:7:32]
AUSTIN: [cross] Yeah. [unintelligible] [??? – 0:07:33]
SYLVI: [softly] Excellent.
DRE: Oh, Sylvie! You on that new laptop?
SYLVI: Yeah. I am. [cross] I'm on a different, like…
DRE: [cross] That huge fucking track pad?
SYLVI: Yeah.
JACK: It sounds great!
SYLVI: Thank you.
KEITH: What… What kind of laptops do you use?
ART: Scroll around something real quick for us!
[DRE laughs]
SYLVI: What?
ART: On that big trackpad?
AUSTIN: This is a bad bit. [chuckles] Stupid…
SYLVI: [cross] Oh…
ART: [cross] Hey! Wow!
AUSTIN: What is this? What is this?
ART: We’re doing value judgements on bits now, is that what we’re doing?!?
[AUSTIN laughs]
ART: [laughing] That’s what…
AUSTIN: [laughing] What is this?!?
DRE: Art, thank you for “yes, and”-ing my trackpad chat. [chuckles]
AUSTIN: You can “yes, and” and then put a period at the end of your sentence instead of a comma [chuckles] is all I'm saying! You can…
[ALI chuckles]
AUSTIN: You can support the bit and then close it off and do a handoff to a new bit!
SYLVI: Sometimes “yes” is okay.
[AUSTIN & JACK laugh, ART chuckles]
KEITH: I thought that was funny.
AUSTIN: Ah… Yeah.
[ALI laughs]
SYLVI: Me, too! I just [didn’t endure??? – 0:08:19] it properly.
AUSTIN: It's fine. Well, are you gonna scroll around [chuckles] something for us now or what?!?
[ART bursts out in laughter]
SYLVI: I… I… I…
[AUSTIN & ALI chuckles]
SYLVI: I'm not gonna screenshare my walk Twitter account with you guys! [??? – 0:08:30]
AUSTIN: Ah… Probably for the best! Um…! Time.is!
SYLVI: Definitely for the best!
[AUSTIN chuckles]
ART: Someone's running a backup, right? [cross] Because I'm of course not.
ALI: [cross] Uhum.
AUSTIN: [cross] I am… Yeah. I have a backup. Ali, are you also backing up?
ALI: Yeah.
AUSTIN: [cross] Okay.
JANINE: [cross] What’s that tweet about, Keith?
KEITH: [cross] I’m also backing up!
ART: [cross] Because then I don’t need to… clap.
KEITH: We're lousy with backups.
ALI: Uhum.
JACK: Art has got a… a plastic cup attached to a string…
AUSTIN: Hmmm!
JACK: … that is running all the way from the desert north of the mountains to my house…
AUSTIN: [cross] Gotcha.
JACK: [cross] … and I'm holding the other cup up to my microphone.
DRE: Umm…
ART: [cross] Yeah, hold on…
KEITH: [cross] Camp 4! [??? – 0:08:57] will chew on that wire!
JACK: I went to a candy store today which I have not done in years.
AUSTIN: Uhum.
JACK: And it was… It was one of those ones where, you know, they… You get a little scoop.
AUSTIN: [cross] Hm! Uhum. Uhum.
JACK: [cross] And you get to go around and choose the candy that you want. It was very pleasant. I came away with some Sour Peach candy…
[AUSTIN murmurs approvingly]
JACK: [cross] And I came away with some peanut butter pretzel type things…
AUSTIN: [cross] Yum-yum-yum!
JACK: And a chocolate cookie dough type thing. It was really good! [cross, chuckles] But I left dollars… [??? – 0:09:26]
ART: [cross] The next time you're in New York, you go to Economy Candy.
[a slight pause]
ART: [cross] Do it for me.
JACK: [cross] Economy Candy.
ART: Yeah.
AUSTIN: Where is this?
JACK: Where is it?
AUSTIN: I don’t know this.
ART: Economy Candy is… [why does it sound like “cotton candy”??? – 09:35]
AUSTIN: Hmm! I see!
ART: … in the East Village, I guess?
AUSTIN: Uhum.
ART: East Village? Go south of Houston? Maybe it's like Nolita?
AUSTIN: I think that's… Yeah. Let's see. Let’s see where this is.
ART: Just a good old…
JACK: [cross] Oh, this looks great!
AUSTIN: [cross] Uhum.
ART: [cross] … New York candy nonsense place.
AUSTIN: Yeah. They're calling this… What are they calling this? They're not really calling it anything. It's east of Nolita. So it's, like… Because there's that long park, you know? [cross] It's on the other side of that…
JACK: [cross] Sarah D Roosevelt Park?
AUSTIN: [cross] Yeah, that one.
ART: [cross] And Nolita doesn't mean anything more. ‘Cause Little Italy is gone.
AUSTIN: It's gone.
ART: [cross] North of nothing now.
AUSTIN: [cross] Exactly. But! But my point being this would not be north of Little Italy even in the era of Little Italy.
ART: Uhum.
AUSTIN: It's too far over. It's over near, like… everything else. You know?
[a brief pause]
JACK: [cross] There is a candy store…
AUSTIN: [cross] And it’s… the Lower East Side, right? It's just, like, the northwest of the Lower East Side?
ART: I guess.
AUSTIN: I guess it's… But it's… Hmm… It's just above Delancey. I don't know. Anyway.
ART: Is it still the Bowery? I mean, Bowery is a few blocks over. [cross] But, like, this Bowery…
AUSTIN: [cross] Yeah. I would call it the Bowery, maybe.
[pause]
AUSTIN: Anyway. [sighs]
ART: Let's try to buy an apartment in this neighborhood…
AUSTIN: Yeah!
ART: … and see what they say.
AUSTIN: Uhum. I'm checking! [cross] I’m figuring it out!
ART: [cross] The Lower East Side is probably just right. It's…
AUSTIN: Uh. This is saying it is Bowery! Like, just barely.
ART: Hm…
AUSTIN: Oh, no! I'm wrong! I'm wrong. It's a block away! It is a block away. Like you said. It just doesn't count! Uhm…
ART: I would just like to say the idea of advertising a house as being in [cross] “the Bowery” is so funny.
AUSTIN: [cross] I know. It’s so funny. The way the world has changed.
[ART chuckles]
AUSTIN: Yeah. I think… [cross] I think Lower East Side is…
ART: [cross] Saying you have an apartment in Murderville.
AUSTIN: Uh-huh!
ART: But Murderville's been gentrified. Yeah, you can't… [chuckles, cross] You can't get a place in Murderville these days!
ART: [chuckling, cross] You can’t… You can’t afford Murderville anymore!
AUSTIN: [exaggeratingly] You can’t afford Murderville? Huh…! [chuckles] I’m complimented!
JACK: Getting priced out of Murderville.
AUSTIN: Uh-huh!
ART: Ohh! “Priced out of Murderville”! That's… [cross] Who… Yeah.
JACK: [cross] God, “Priced out of Murderville”…
AUSTIN: [cross] “Priced out of Murderville”...! Yeah. That's great. That's… Is that, like, a feature story in a magazine? Is that like…
ART: [cross] Uhm…
JACK: [cross] Is it a…
AUSTIN: [cross] … a Batman Animated Series episode title?
ART: [cross] Yeah. It's a Batman Animated [chuckles] Series… It’s a… Yeah. It's a hard-boiled detective…
AUSTIN: Yeah.
ART: … Batman story.
AUSTIN: Yeah.
JACK: It's a song mentioned in another Mountain Goats song.
AUSTIN: Yeah! Uh-huh!
ART: Although, I guess if it's in Batman it's got to be “Priced out of Crime Alley.”
AUSTIN: Right. Right-right-right.
ART: [cross] So good, these…
JACK: [cross] I bet Batman's got a Murderville!
ART: Yeah. Batman has a Murderville.
[a brief pause]
JACK: Is there a lot of murders happening in Gotham, nowadays? I feel like… I don't know. Is murdering the thing that happens the most in Gotham vis-a-vis crime?
ART: [cross] No.
AUSTIN: [cross] Nooo…
JACK: [cross] It is just mugging, I think.
AUSTIN: [cross] Robberies, right?
ART: [cross] I think it's, like, elaborate bank robberies. Yeah. [chuckles]
AUSTIN: [chuckles] Yeah.
JACK: [chuckles] People robbing banks left and right?
AUSTIN: Uhum, uhum, uhum.
JACK: [cross, chuckling] I played the Arkham games!
ART: [cross] Do you know what the insurance in a bank in Gotham?
JACK: [chuckles] It's the worst!
AUSTIN: Uhhh… Alright. Uhm… Ready to clap?
ART: Yeah.
JACK: Yep.
AUSTIN: Uh… Five after? Five seconds after?
ART: [cross, faintly] Sure.
JACK: [cross] Okay.
[long pause, then clapping]
AUSTIN: Are you all ready to rip?
SYLVI: [half-chuckling] Yeah. But really quick: Tom Brady just unretired.
AUSTIN: [cross] Are you fucking kidding me?
ART: [cross] What?
AUSTIN: [cross] Shut up!
SYLVI: [cross, wheeze-chuckles] He's coming back for another season in Tampa…!
AUSTIN: I hate this motherfucker. I hate it.
SYLVI: [cross] Yeah. I'm sorry.
ART: [cross] In Tampa?!?
SYLVI: Yeah.
ART It's not even a scam to change teams?!?
SYLVI: No, it's Tampa. He's… “unfinished business.” “Let's fucking go,” as he says in the Tweet. Or he says “LFG” because I don't think he can swear without losing, like, half of his endorsements.
ART: [cross] Unfinished what?!?
AUSTIN: [cross] Yeah. He said “looking for a group.” He said “looking for group,” actually. [chuckles]
SYLVI: [cross] Is that “looking for a group” because he needs better teammates? I don't know.
[AUSTIN laughs]
SYLVI: I don't watch football.
AUSTIN: That’s what that means. Yeah. Uh-huh.
ART: What could he consider unfinished?!? Motherfucker’s done everything and played for 20 years! I've…
[pause]
SYLVI: “Unfinished business”!
ART: I don't like him… is the thing.
[a brief pause]
AUSTIN: You're not allowed to do your version of the fucking… Michael Jordan Bulls documentary… [cross] and then…
SYLVI: [cross] After two months!
AUSTIN: … and then unretire.
SYLVI: Yeah.
AUSTIN: If you're gonna make… If you're gonna make them make that show for you you have to be done.
SYLVI: Oh, wow! Yeah.
SYLVI: I didn't know that he did that!
AUSTIN: Yeah. He did his version of the… What was that called? What was the name of that…
SYLVI: [cross] The Last Dance?
ART: [cross] The Last Dance?
AUSTIN: The Last Dance. Yeah. He did his version of The Last Dance last year.
ART: He did?!? When?!?
AUSTIN: Uhh… It's… called…
ART: He's been retired for, like, one second!
AUSTIN: It’s called Man in the Arena. [chuckles]
SYLVI: Right! [cross] The fucking ESPN thing!
AUSTIN: [cross] Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
ART: [cross] A terrible name.
AUSTIN: Which is of course a quote from Roosevelt.
SYLVI: Isn't that also Troy Baker's podcast? [chuckles]
AUSTIN: [chuckles] That's what he… I think that's what… No.
SYLVI: [cross] Okay!
AUSTIN: [cross] He quoted that Roosevelt quote when he was mad at people canceling him for NFTs.
SYLVI: Right. Okay. Sorry.
AUSTIN: [cross] Quote…
SYLVI: [cross] I thought… I thought that that was his podcast or something…?
AUSTIN: [cross] I mean… That’d be very funny. [with pathos] “The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, [...]”
[SYLVI laughs]
AUSTIN: “... because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms [...]” Etc, etc, etc.
SYLVI: Ah, miserable.
ART: [cross] Okay, but this…
AUSTIN: [cross] “It's not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles [...]” etc.
ART: [half as a question] This documentary aired before he retired.
AUSTIN: Right! But it was… [cross] He was retiring.
SYLVI: [cross] It was, like, concurrent with his last season.
AUSTIN: [cross] He shouldn't have done it then! He shouldn't have done it then, is the thing.
[pause]
SYLVI: [cross] Shouldn’t have done it, period.
ART: [cross] I mean, the NFL is a swingy and random game…
AUSTIN: Yes!
ART: … but, like, that team's not gonna be better [cross] next year than it was this year when they didn’t win… But like…
AUSTIN: [cross] No, no! But they didn’t win! No…
ART: But like… the randomness of the football is such that they could just happen to win, right?
AUSTIN: Yeah. They could. I hate it
ART: I don't know if you all have heard of or seen the — it’s hard, because because I don't know what this is really on — but the the television program Kevin Can F**k Himself?[1]
SYLVI: Oh! I listened to the podcast that one of the writers was on. But I haven't actually watched it. [laughs]
ART: Um. It’s a fascinating show [cross] that I'm halfway through.
SYLVI: [cross] I heard it’s alright!
ART: Because it's mentally taxing to watch…
SYLVI: [cross] It’s…
ART: [cross] … but there's a lot of Tom Brady worship in that show…
[SYLVI chuckles]
AUSTIN: [cross] Ahh! I see.
ART: [cross] And it’s exhausting, even on that level
AUSTIN: [cross] Yeah. I couldn't do it.
SYLVI: That stars the actress from Schitt's Creek, right? The sister…?
AUSTIN: Yes. [cross] Annie Murphy.
ART: [cross] The non-Catherine O'Hara…
SYLVI: Yeah. I'm glad she's doing more stuff. I like her.
[AUSTIN giggles]
ART: It’s… it's weird because it's showing that she has a… she either is great at reading scripts or has a great agent because this is, like, a fantastic thing to go into right from that? It's another just like: this is a very clever show that shows how clever I am. And…
SYLVI: Yeah.
ART: And that's great! You wanna… You don't want to just be making crap.
SYLVI: That's the… Can we change the “fun interaction between good friends” to [half-chuckling] “this is a clever show that shows how clever I am”?
[ART chuckles]
AUSTIN: I mean… I… Again, people already think that that's what we mean when we say that. So…
SYLVI: Jesus.
AUSTIN: [vocalizes irritation] Ehhh… It's fine.
[long pause]
AUSTIN: Also great stu… The guy from Force Awak… or Force Unleashed.
[pause]
SYLVI: God…
AUSTIN: [cross] That’s it.
SYLVI: [cross] Didn't they port that to Switch recently?
AUSTIN: They're doing it.
SYLVI: [cross] Good for them.
AUSTIN: [cross] It's this month, I wanna say. Yeah.
SYLVI: [cross] Good for them.
ART: But isn't it not canon anymore?
AUSTIN: Nah, it's not. But what is, you know?
SYLVI: I mean, it never was, right? [cross] Like, you can kill Darth Vader in it…
AUSTIN: [cross] Well… Yeah. Yeah. Fair.
ART: [cross] I think that ending's not cannon. [chuckles] But I think the… the ones where he doesn't die are canon.
[a slight pause]
AUSTIN: [sighs] It's all fake. It's all fake!
SYLVI: It's all fake.
AUSTIN: Alright.
ART: No. Some of it's real.
AUSTIN: Hmm! Pretty sure it's all fake!
ART: Some of the Star Wars are real.
[AUSTIN laughs]
ALI: Hm…
AUSTIN: Oh! I see. That's why there's multiple: so you can… we can tell the story of the ones that are real.
ART: Yeah. What is fiction but of lens to view real Star Wars?
[SYLVI snickers]
AUSTIN: Right! I gotcha.
SYLVI: It says “a long time ago in a galaxy far away”! They’re historical fiction!
AUSTIN: [cross] It’s true. [??? – 0:17:41]
ART: [cross] They’re basically…
[a brief pause]
ART: They're basically Pride and Prejudice.
AUSTIN: Basically. It's basically the same. Alright.
ART: I guess that's not historical fiction. That was just…
AUSTIN: [cross] Ehh! That’s historical f…
ART: [cross] … basically written in history.
AUSTIN: I guess so. Uhm…! I think it's a little bit before her time, right? I think she sets it, like, a generation prior or whatever, doesn't she?
ART: Yeah. And that's when the Star Wars happened…
AUSTIN: [chuckles] Right!
ART: In the…
AUSTIN: [cross] In the Regency.
ART: [cross] In the 1920s.
AUSTIN: Yeah. Uh-huh. It's not the 1920s, Art. I know, I appreciate it, I… Jane Austen died in the 1810s. [chuckles]
[SYLVI laughs]
ART: No, I was probably one… I was going one generation before George Lucas.
AUSTIN: Oh! I see, I see, I see, I see. [cross] Yes. Yes. Yes.
ART: [cross] As if George Lucas were telling a story…
ALI: Hm…
AUSTIN: Yeah. Uh-huh.
DRE: Just thinking ‘bout computers — how cool they are!
KEITH: I'm always doing that.
[some plastic packaging crinkling in the background]
KEITH: I still want to get… I still want to get rid of my smartphone. I feel like that's such a bad idea.
DRE: Like… Like, for good?
KEITH: Ohh, I don't know if for good. But I just want to, like… I want to have two devices! I want to have a device that I am reachable on; and then another thing that I can either not… have or not have.
DRE: [cross] Oh, yeah. That's a…
SYLVI: [cross] You want a BlackBerry!
DRE: Ohh!
KEITH: I…
[SYLVI chuckles]
KEITH: [cross] I want, like, a…
DRE: [cross, exaggeratedly] Do you want a BlackBerry?
KEITH: I don't want a Blackberry because I've never been able to type on a Blackberry. Anything with a physical keyboard… I remember when iPhones and iPods… Like, iPod Touch’s first came out and people were like: “how is it gonna be to touch on a touch screen where there's no physical keyboards?!?” And I'm like: “those physical keyboards don't work! What are you worried about?” Uh…
[SYLVI laughs]
KEITH: And I was right in a long… in the long run.
[JANINE chuckles tiredly]
KEITH: I was right. Because it's way better to type on an iPhone than it ever was [cross] on a BlackBerry.
JANINE: [cross] What if you got, like, an old Sidekick off of eBay?
ALI: Yeah!
KEITH: I'm…
DRE: Ooff… [cross] Yeah…!
SYLVI: [cross] Wow…!
KEITH: [cross] I'm thinking of getting an Android-based music player?
JANINE: Okay.
SYLVI: [cross] Oh, sort of a Zune situation?
DRE: [cross] So a Zune, yeah!
KEITH: [cross] Basically is, like, a newfangled iPod Touch… is really what it is.
SYLVI: Okay! Which I believe was also the pitch for the Zune.
KEITH: Yes. Yeah. It's a new…
[SYLVI chuckles]
KEITH: Yeah.
DRE: Uhum.
KEITH: People still swear by the Zune 2!
SYLVI: Oh, I knew a Zune kid in high school! [cross] We’ve set stuff on fi…
DRE: [cross] Is that way of saying that you were a Zune kid in high school? [laughs]
SYLVI: [half-chuckling] No, I was not a zoom kid in high school! The Zune kid was my friend Jake who I set things on fire with in his driveway!
KEITH: Yeah.
DRE: Oh, hell yeah!
KEITH: Zune kids love fire!
AUSTIN: That's… That’s the one…!
DRE: That sounds like some real Zune kid behavior.
AUSTIN: Uhum.
SYLVI: Mostly water bottles. But, you know…
DRE: That… Hm…
SYLVI: Now, listen: I have… My lungs are… [cutting the topic short] It's fine.
AUSTIN: It's fine!
KEITH: Yeah. [is this KEITH or DRE??? – 0:20:43]
[KEITH laughs, JANINE vocalizes discomfort]
AUSTIN: [cross] It’s good! It was good for you.
DRE: [cross] It’s fine.
KEITH: How's your cough?
[ALI laughs]
AUSTIN: Ehh…
[others laugh]
DRE: “Hey, unrelated question…” [laughs]
SYLVI: [laughing] Lingering!
AUSTIN: Alright.
SYLVI: Okay.
AUSTIN: Time.is.
ALI: Time…
JANINE: Oh, should I stop and start a recording? [cross] Are we good on this one?
AUSTIN: [cross] Nah.
DRE: [cross] No.
AUSTIN: [cross] I wanna roll through…
JANINE: Okay. Okay.
SYLVI: I think it's just because Keith…
AUSTIN: Yeah, yeah.
JANINE: Yeah…
AUSTIN: Also, end of break, so it kind of works with both.
DRE: Uhum!
AUSTIN: Alright! We ready?
KEITH: [cross] Yeah.
ALI [cross] Uhum!
[someone, yawning] Uhum! [??? – 0:21:15]
AUSTIN: Let's do 40 seconds. 40.
[pause, then disparate claps]
KEITH: Beautiful clap!
[“No crisis” by Jack de Quidt plays]
[1] He pronounces it as “Kevin Can Eff Himself.”