FEEDBACK

Summary

You understand the topic at hand, and you understand Banneker’s purpose and angle in addressing Jefferson.  This is clear when you say Banneker “refute[s] the ideology of slavery and uses refutation as the strategy.”  One particularly easy flaw I see in the writing is that you are not using grammar and spell check.  Since you are typing your papers, there should never be grammar and spell check problems.  One resource I am recommending is Paper Rater.  This is a free resource where you can copy and paste your response in this online tool, and it will give you feedback to address.  Once you correct it, you can then copy and paste it into the Blog.  But, at this day in age, you should not have grammatical errors in your writing with the use of digital technology!  

Analyzing Refutation

When writers use refutation, they are appealing largely to logos.  It is when the opponent (Banneker) directly attacks Jefferson’s argument (Declaration of Independence).  More specifically, Banneker’s refutation attacks the inferred notion that the Blacks are not human beings, which in turn relates to the “ideology of slavery.”  You have to connect the argument, Jefferson’s argument when he writes the Declaration of Independence.  Instead you assume the reader knows, but readers know nothing.  You have to explain everything, every connection, every inference.  You have to build knowledge and understanding.

Nice Points

• The ideas are sound; we just need to work on executing specificity.
• Strategy of refutation is a nice strategy to explore once fully flushed out with analysis.
• You analyze only one rhetorical strategy.

Areas of Challenge:

• What exactly is the argument Banneker is refuting.  You said, “Inequality found in slavery,” but you don’t fully connect how the Declaration of Independence is an argument.  This is something you must first establish.  In essence, it is an argument, and it argues what?
• Now, if Banneker refutes this, what specifically is in the Declaration of Independence is he refuting?  This is where you specifically discuss key words within the Declaration of Independence to discuss Banneker’s refutation.  You do not need the entire sentence from the Declaration of Independence.  You only need to focus on the specific verbiage that is necessary to examine the refutation.
• Last, you must connect how the refutation is effective.  This is your analysis of the paragraph.  When you use text, you must then DO SOMETHING with that text.  You must analyze it for its effect.  Banneker’s letter espouses a response from Jefferson.  This is something you probably didn’t know.  Jefferson felt the need to respond.  This means that Banneker’s letter hits the mark!  Why is it particularly effective.
• To really sell your analysis, it would have been important to discuss the hypocrisy that Banneker sees.  This is truly the intent of juxtaposing the Declaration of Independence with ideas of American slavery.  When the two are side-by-side, it expresses the difference of opinion.
• And, the other refutation is the reference to “creator.”  Banneker juxtaposes him and Jefferson to be men under the SAME GOD!  This also refutes the idea that the black man is an animal, something underneath the willed power of Whites.  This literal suggestion is also a refutation to the common ideology of White Supremacy.  You simply mention it, but you never give it full volition.

Writing/Grammar/Punctuation:

• All writing in an English class must be done in the present tense!  You have no choice about this.  Writing in the present tense is active writing. (“was able”)
• You need to learn how to integrate quotes into your writing.  Click here
• Declaration of Independence is a proper noun.
• .Too many grammatical errors

Pronoun/Antecedent Confusion:  “Banneker was able to use Jefferson’s words to expose his flaw.”  “His” refers to Jefferson or Banneker.?  Click here.