Intro + Background

It finally happened!

Hello! I am writing this before Lancey’s statement comes out. I will edit it once it actually does come out, but I wanted to prepare this before it actually happened just so I don’t forget my thoughts.

I am who you used to know as Red or TH3_R34L_D34L. I joined the FNF community when I was about 13-14 years old, and have known Lancey for the entirety of me being in it save for a few months. When I first met Lancey, we were working on a mod together called Friday Night Mashup. I met her through Sky, who was working as a coder on the mod.

My other friends had befriended her first and decided to add me into their group chat. My first ever experience in that group was being invited to a Minecraft server called FNFNeoRP. The first thing I saw when I joined was cropped porn. They told me it was okay to paste around on the server.

I did not find this weird, unfortunately. I grew up being heavily groomed online, and most of my friend group experiences consisted of this exact same routine; everyone spreading pornography, both cropped and uncropped, to the other members of the group.

The entirety of NeoRP consisted of us doing regular Minecraft creative mode things while also pasting porn on almost every surface of that server.

The pornography did not stop at NeoRP. Our many, many group chats (spanning about 3 years or so) contained hundreds if not thousands of cropped porn images. Porn was so deeply ingrained into this friend group that we even had our own term for it; Wow2. We even had our own private Twitter accounts dedicated to posting, following and sharing our followed porn artists. Lancey would later on use her account to post her own adult content after I got booted from the group.

At one point, I drew porn of Bandu and other Dave and Bambi characters. It was instinctual due to my hypersexuality and tendency to daydream, but I should not have done it, and I knew it. I went to Lancey, who I trusted since she was older and had much more experience than me, (it did not help either that I am a medium-support needs autistic person, so I often go to others for advice because my brain literally cannot comprehend more nuanced or heavier situations) and instead of helping direct me away from this behavior, she told me it was okay to draw these things. She turned my artworks into jokes. Before the Gapple server opened, I jokingly suggested she should add a sticker I had made of one of the inside jokes, (a picture of Bandu captioned “pizza”) to which Lancey proceeded to add. That sticker was still in the Gapple server even after I got “called out.” Bandu as a character was used to groom and is associated with the grooming of me and everyone else in that friend group.

I spiraled. I was not a mentally stable person, having been battling depression, untackled ptsd and other psychological issues, along with still reeling from my past grooming experiences. I got worse and worse. This eventually spread into my other friend groups, since one of the friends in the Gapple group (who I had been with longer than anyone else) was also part of this separate group. Since pornography as a topic spread to there, it led to one of my most traumatizing and damaging grooming cases to date.

Willowpoke, a self identified zoophile and pedophile, groomed me into pro-contact paraphilia spaces, including but not limited to MAP/Zootwt. She encouraged me to make secret accounts to interact with these spaces, fully knowing my past with both POCD and darkshipping issues that were caused by my previous grooming. Willow at one point had also sent me actual CSAM. Any sensible person who saw a 14-15 year old child partaking in both pro-contact paraphilia Twitter and darkshipping would be worried for the child, not mad at them.

Lancey eventually found out. Instead of consoling me and doing something about the predator  that took advantage of me, she got upset at me. She told me directly that if I were to do something like that again, to “make it not so obvious next time.” Lancey did not care that a pedozoo was grooming me, she only cared that I got caught and risked her mod’s reputation. Risked her reputation.

When I finally stopped engaging with that group chat for days on end when I focused my attention on Dimensional Deep End, I actually got better. A friend in that group (the Gapple friend group) told me they were uncomfortable with what I had been drawing, and I had an epiphany that I needed to fix myself and that I had fucked up majorly in several ways. I promised myself to stop drawing Dave and Bambi porn. It was that simple; I was told to stop, so I stopped.

Then the callout post happened. Everyone left me. I was told I was worse than a rapist. I was called a groomer, slurs, misgendered, a pedophile. I was doxxed and had people make comments about my genitals because I happen to be transgender. I was only 16 when my callout happened. It ruined me. It gave me horrific PTSD I still struggle with today. Nightmares that plagued every single night I slept. I would wake up in cold sweats afraid that people were gonna come to my house and hurt me.

The worst part was that most of the stuff that happened to me wasn’t even my fault. Sure, I did fuck up majorly. I hurt people. But I apologized to those who actually needed it, and they accepted my apology. Yet, people would still continue to harass me. Lancey was the only person who didn’t drop me when I got called out. She somehow kept in contact with me. When I talked to my new friends about what happened in that group, they told me that I had been groomed. When I looked back and reflected on what happened, I knew they were right. It made me sick to my stomach that someone I trusted and looked up to as a role model and, in some strange way, a strong adult figure I could rely on, had taken advantage of me and everyone else in that group.

I tried to come out about what happened to me; I was harassed into silence by Lancey, her friends and her fans. They leaked my artwork, kink lists I made while I was being groomed by both Lancey and Willow, my music. They made fun of my writing I made when I was 14 and just trying to lay out a simple plan for a character I had to fight to keep in the mod despite being promised since day one he would stay a main character. I was treated like a boogeyman for simply being a victim of not knowing what was right and wrong.

I am not a perfect person, but I am not the monster everyone says I am, either.

A letter to Lancey

TO LANCEY

You destroyed me.

I can’t love like I used to. I can’t trust like I used to. I live in constant fear of being taken advantage of and abandoned and abused, like you and your followers did all those years ago.

No amount of apologies or accountability will change what you’ve done. What you’ve done to me, to everyone in that group. To all the people you lied to.

In some strange way, I still like what you do. I still enjoy your characters, your artwork. But looking at it makes me sick. It makes me sick for the child that once was. For the child that just wanted to share his own stories and work, but got messed up along the way by the wrong crowd. For RED.

Red, functionally, does not exist anymore. At least not in the way he used to. He used to be so bright and full of energy. He had this passion for almost everything.

He sits in the back of our brain now. Stirring. Waiting for the day you finally crumble. Waiting desperately for some kind of resolve for what he went through. He constantly asks himself “when is it my turn for retribution? When is it my turn to finally feel safe?”

He used to age along with the body. He is permanently stuck as that scared, abused 15 year old child now. Who was told that the worst thing he could ever do was get caught being groomed by a pro-contact paraphile.

You can attempt to change. You can attempt to get help.

No amount of that will change what happened. No amount of (let’s admit it, empty) promises will fill the cracks and heal the wounds I had to endure. No response you could ever try to write up (especially not one that you repeatedly put off for over a month, even despite numerous check-ins and reminders) could ever fix what you have done.

I used to see Bandu as a symbol of my growth and freedom from what I experienced as a kid. Now he just makes me ill. He turned from something soft and friendly into a putrid reminder of all the shit you put me and those other children through. You hide behind his cute outer exterior, showing him off as this symbol– a golden idol of your popularity– when deep inside, Bandu is rotted, filled with the memories and actions of sexual abuse by your hands. You used what I thought was a safe space to hurt me. Bandu as a character will never be separated from the actions you used him for, and in some part, that makes me sick to my stomach. I really enjoyed him during 2021-2023. I really did. Now he’s just a reminder of everything that happened.

I hope all the friends who tried to defend you realize how much of a freak you are. Ironic how you once called me the sex pest, and now the tables are turned. I don’t wish harm upon you, but I wish that after you pass on in this life that you rot in the deepest pits of hell where you belong. You’re a terrible person, and you will never be able to run from the horrific shit you’ve done to all the children you had the “pleasure” of being around.

Leave Dave and Bambi, leave the internet. I don’t want another child to get taken advantage of by you. The fact that you haven’t cancelled Gapple entirely just proves how much of a coward you are.

Yours, “Red”

Ending

It is clear to me Lancey does not feel sorry for what she has done, and will never feel sorry. She had 3 years to reflect on what she did to me and the other minors in that group chat, and not once did she question what happened there. The only reason why she wrote her response in the first place was because we fought to get her to acknowledge the wrong she did.

I do not want to get involved with Dave and Bambi anymore due to the trauma I’ve experienced at the hands of it, but if there is something I’d like to touch on relating to this, it’d be this;

Do not draw Bandu. Do not create content of Bandu.

Doing this spreads around what Bandu was; a tool to abuse me and other children. Bandu was directly tied to the abuse I experienced at the hands of Lancey. It is a strong ask, considering how popular of a character he is, but please for the love of god do not spread around a character that was used to sexually abuse children.

I’m sorry for the wrong that I’ve done. Please don’t let my wrongs let Lancey get away with what she did.

Although I have had a major falling out with everyone in that group, I hope that they heal from what this monster did to them, too. I am not the only victim in this, and I want people to keep that in mind, too.

Stay safe. Keep an open mind during situations like these. I don’t want another victim to have to go through what I did.

To the people who hopped on the harassment train; I do not accept your apology, and I never will.

To the people I told who knew Lancey was doing this type of stuff to me; I especially do not accept your apology.

To the people who stood by me despite everything; Thank you.

To my lovely girlfriend, AlgebraicAndy, who helped me realize the abuse I went through was real and valid and who helped me love again; I love you. Even death will not part us.

See you on side-B!