Clapcast 12: FatT Blingee Contest

Transcriber: Serj

ALI: So yeah, there’s like… In my town, there’s like, a garbage dump? And they were like, ‘hey let’s turn this big pile of garbage into like, a park with some goats on it’?

AUSTIN: Weird.

ALI [laughs]: And on top it’s like this really nice hiking trail and there’s like a golf course and you can go all the way to the top of the garbage, um, and there’s like this nice lake…

AUSTIN (overlapping): All the way to the the top-

JANINE (overlapping): You can go all the way to the top of the garbage!

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah…

JANINE (overlapping): That’s like, hashtag Bluff City.

AUSTIN: Yeah.

ALI [laughs]: When you go up there you can see Manhattan from there! Like, it was a little cloudy, but I could like, see- no, yeah, it’s for real. It’s real garbage.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Oh, wow. Wild. That’s far.

JANINE: Why are there goats up there?

AUSTIN: Goats eat garbage.

ALI: Yeah, see?

JANINE: But if the garbage is covered, right? That’s normally how they do that.

AUSTIN: Mm, maybe they dig.

ALI: Yeah, I dunno. Maybe it’s like a-

JANINE (overlapping): I feel like that happens pretty often here, there’s just like weird hilly space, there’s like, ‘yeah, that used to be a dump but now it’s like an area with a looot of hills. And like, some occasional ground tubes that you’ve gotta be careful for… But yeah, we don’t have any goats up there.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Hmm.

ALI [laughs]: The goats were kinda at the foot of the hill. And I think it’s just like, a community spot. I don’t know what they’re doing for those goats to be there.

JANINE (overlapping): I wonder… those goats might actually be like, city goats?

AUSTIN (overlapping): What’s a city goat? Like, owned by the city?

JANINE (overlapping): Like you know how some people-- No, no, you know how some… like, this is a thing. People keep urban goats and the goats get hired by the city.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Y’all got different types of cities.

JANINE: They’re like contractor goats.

ALI (overlapping): They’re contractor-

JANINE: And they do... something? What do they do? They don’t like- My instinct is to say they eat garbage, but that doesn’t make any fucking sense, honestly.

AUSTIN (overlapping): You’re telling me- I mean-

JANINE: Having a fleet of goats to go around eat street trash. No, that’s not right.

ALI (overlapping): I haven’t seen them out. But there was like, nine of those goats.

JANINE (overlapping): Oh, it’s like-- it’s like a grass cutting, weed control thing.

ALI: But they’re like, fenced in!

JANINE: Well, not- that’s where they keep them, but then they like, take the goats out to go like, do an area.

ALI [laughs, overlapping]: Oh- they just- they party those goats to the golf course?

JANINE: This is a thing. I promise- I promise you a hundred million percent-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Mm...

JANINE: I promise- I mean, I bet golf courses would be into this. I bet that’s totally what it is, I bet the city has like, a lawn grooming goat force. I bet that’s what that is.

ALI: I suppose so, yeah.

JANINE: Cause you gotta keep them somewhere, and you may as well make a tourist attraction out of them while you’re at it.

ALI: Your guess is as good as mine.

JANINE (overlapping): See the goats.

ALI: Oh my god.

AUSTIN: This is a thing, I’m seeing it.

JANINE: Yeah! Yeah.

AUSTIN: Pittsburg does it. ‘Cowboy twinsie and’-

JANINE (overlapping): I mean, it’s better than like, a lawnmower and shit, y’know? That shit has gas that it uses and it sucks, and-

AUSTIN: ‘Cowboy twinsie and eight other goats owned by Steel City Grazers will fit through West Pen and two other city parks eating the vines and other weeds to make room for native plants to grow.’

JANINE (overlapping): Yeah.

AUSTIN: ‘And Pittsburg isn’t the only city or state where goats are being enlisted by government this year. They’re being called on to munch on buckthorn in Minneapolis, nibble on english ivy in New York City, and clear brush in southern California.’

ALI: Mmm.

JANINE: I bet they’re really good for like, dealing with invasive plants, too.

AUSTIN: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

JANINE: And also like, that’s a two birds with one stone thing, cause like, well you’re getting rid of that and also you’re feeding your goats for free.

AUSTIN: What else-- what do the goats do afterwards? Like, after the season? Do they just go from one of these places--

JANINE (overlapping): Um, like, hang out? I don’t know.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Okay.

ALI (overlapping): Yeah. They’re probably just chillin.

AUSTIN: Gotcha.

JANINE: It’s probably a long season. I mean like, what do city construction workers do during the winter? They just--

AUSTIN: I mean, in New York, keep working, is the answer, but...

JANINE: Yeah, that’s… Well, not up here.

AUSTIN: Yeah. Yeah, your winters are a little rougher. Alright, um... I think I’m ready to go.

ALI: Oh, yeah, ‘the preserve also features a herd of Nigerian dwarf goats, which the town employs as an ecologically sensitive method of controlling weed and brush growth.’

AUSTIN (overlapping): There you go. There you go.

JANINE (overlapping): There you go. That’s the thing.

ALI: Wow… ‘The goats are the latest pets worker’s employees’- Why type that?? [laughs] ...Sorry, I’m good.

JANINE: I wonder if they’re like, sanctuary goats?

ALI: Yeah, I…

JANINE: Like if they’re rescued goats. Because we have a donkey sanctuary in town that’s all one hundred percent rescued donkeys. I don’t know- I’m sure there’s circumstances that donkeys need to be rescued from-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah, I was about to say-

JANINE: -And if that’s the case, I’m sure there’s also circumstances that goats need to be rescued from.

ALI [laughs]: They also had chickens, but those chickens aren’t doing anything. Like, they’re just there, right?

AUSTIN: Mmm-

JANINE: Mmm, they’re making eggs.

AUSTIN: They’re making eggs. They’re making money.

ALI [laughs]: What are they-

AUSTIN: Selling them eggs.

ALI [laughs]: Well, those eggs gotta go, I guess.

AUSTIN: Alright, let’s time.is.

JANINE (overlapping): Or you could just breed the chickens and then sell them to people who want to have yard chickens I guess- yeah.

AUSTIN (overlapping): We... don’t have that much time.

ALI [laughs]: Yeah, we should go.

AUSTIN: Uhh.. 20? 15?

ALI: Oh my god…

AUSTIN: I don’t know if y’all are ready, so 20.

ALI: Mm-

[Out of sync clap]

ALI: Wow, no!

AUSTIN: Yeah, it was 19 that you clapped at.

ALI: It was!

AUSTIN: 30… 30?

[Out of sync clap]

AUSTIN: Oh-

JANINE: My thing didn’t-

AUSTIN: Jesus Christ. 40?

[EVERYONE laughing]

[Clap]

AUSTIN: I only heard two claps, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

ALI: I clapped. [laughs]

JANINE: I clapped.

AUSTIN: Okay.

JANINE: The thing that always fucks me up is if it skips a number before the number I have to clap on.

AUSTIN: Right.

JANINE: That’s the- I can’t deal with that.

AUSTIN: We could tr-

JANINE: Anyway.

AUSTIN: Alright, So we’re here for a second. Alright…

[synth music, 5:38]

KEITH: Hey.

AUSTIN: Hi.

KEITH: I’m recording. I don’t know about one- I’m not- I’m not good enough at judging the second level of the diss track, which is how good of a diss it is-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Right. Because it’s like, how grounded is this in reality, is this- how important is this in the community. And so like, for Pusha T, Drake is saying, ‘your cousin and your brother sold drugs, you maybe sold some weed to some college students’, is real, because so much of Pusha’s identity is ‘I sold a lot of drugs’.

KEITH (overlapping): Okay.

AUSTIN: That’s like, so much of the character he plays. And so to like, be straight up like, ‘no, stop it’, on top of some other shit, is real. This track, this track that Pusha T just dropped, in which- I- phew. Uh, it starts- it STARTS at, ‘your father walked away from you and your mom when you were five’. Uh.    

KEITH (overlapping): Ohh. Oh, boy.

AUSTIN: And, ‘you put- why do you put everyone else in your life above your mother- and ends at ‘you have a secret child you hide from people and that you keep across the border from you so that you-’

KEITH (overlapping): Wow.

AUSTIN: ‘So that you never have to deal with it.’

KEITH (overlapping): Holy shit. That- that is a lot. Wow.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah. [laughs] Yup.

SYLVIA (overlapping): It’s so much.

KEITH (overlapping): And then there’s the art that you linked.

AUSTIN (overlapping): And then there’s the art that I linked. Which is-

KEITH: (overlapping): Oh, wow.

SYLVIA: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Which is Drake in blackface. Which seems to be real. Which seems to be real.

KEITH: It- it doesn’t just seem to be real. I would be shocked if this was not real.

AUSTIN: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

KEITH: I mean he’s like, he’s pantomiming, he’s doing the-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yes. Yes. Yes.

KEITH: He’s like- he’s following through with wearing it.

AUSTIN: But people saw the art and thought it was fake. Didn’t think it was fake- didn’t think it was Drake, and then the second image, it’s SO clearly Drake.

KEITH: Oh, the one where he’s sad?

AUSTIN: Right, cause he’s sad, that’s how you know it’s Drake.

[EVERYONE laughs]

KEITH [laughs]: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Alright, I think I’m good, I think I have it out of my system. [Exasperated exhale]

DRE: It’s a lot.

SYLVIA: I only had heard the, like, minute of it, because that’s all I could find until I found the Soundcloud link-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah.

SYLVIA: -And I’m just sitting right here listening and like whoa okay that’s a lot.

KEITH: Isaac just got home from his, uh, Starbucks sensitivity training-

AUSTIN [laughs]: Yeah?

KEITH: Um, yeah-

AUSTIN: I forgot that was- I forgot that that was happening today until I went to Starbucks.

KEITH: That happened- that happened today, um-

DRE: Do we need to um, stop recording before you tell us these corporate trade secrets?

KEITH: No, I don’t feel like that’s necessary. Turns out they didn’t do a good job.

DRE: Weird!

KEITH: I’m- yeah, he gave me the handbook that they gave out-

SYLVIA: Oh, man-

KEITH: -And it’s not very good. Uh, do you want to know who it’s aimed at? And it’s not the white employees of Starbucks.

AUSTIN: Oh. No?

KEITH: It’s not for them, no no no, it talks about , like, racial biases and how we hold unconscious, uh, we hold onto these unconscious stereotypes, but then all of like the workbook section is like, for people of color. And I don’t understand. It’s very weird.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Ohhhh, that’s weird.

KEITH (overlapping): It’s SUPER weird.

AUSTIN (overlapping): That’s weird...

KEITH: It’s… yeah. Yeah. Um, like all of- so, the workbook questions after talking about racial biases and the unconscious stereotypes that we hold, it starts off saying, when did you notice your racial identity, when did you notice how race affected your beauty standards, how did you feel your accent impacted people’s perception of your intelligence or confidence. Uh, how have you altered your communication style up or down to avoid playing into stereotypes, uh, has a friend of a different race who regularly- do you have a friend of a different race who regularly visits your home- I guess that one’s less..

DRE: Yeah..

KEITH: But it is very like, very much, this is like… I can’t tell what they're trying to do, they’re trying to get like, ‘well, we can’t- we’re not gonna put together a program, we’re just gonna let our employees of color do this for us. Or if they’re just like, they totally missed the ball on this and they don’t know even what they were trying to do.

AUSTIN: Right.

KEITH: I don’t know.

[AUSTIN sighs]

KEITH: So that’s what I’ve been doing, I’ve been reading this workbook. It’s bad.

AUSTIN: That sounds fun. Honestly, I would love to read that thing just out of curiosity. Alright, I need to close Twitter, I gotta close Twitter otherwise this Drake/Pusha T shit is just gonna kill me.

SYLVIA: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Uh, we have fun stuff to do tonight. So… let me go open up Roll20, go to Time.is, let me sign in, that’s important, let me get notes..

KEITH: Oh, so this is fun. So Isaac left this entire page blank, except for this one, uh, ‘have you had a senior role model in your organization with a similar racial identity as your own?’ And he wrote, ‘Always???’

[EVERYONE laughs]

SYLVIA: That’s pretty good.

AUSTIN: Ohhhhh…

[EVERYONE laughs]

AUSTIN: Oh, fuck. I’m really excited for this to leak because it definitely will.

KEITH: I’ll fucking leak it, I don’t give it a shit.

AUSTIN: Scan it immediately, god…

KEITH: Oh, oh! I forgot the best- so, this is the thing. This is some lame, like, corporate speak, right?

AUSTIN: Mhm?

KEITH: But it could’ve been okay because they technically did like, talk through a small amount of shit in regards to what a bias is, but what they call it is, ‘the first step to becoming color brave’.

AUSTIN: Oh my god…

KEITH: Is what they call it, yeah.

AUSTIN [whispering]: No, they don’t. Color brave…

KEITH: They call it color brave, yeah.

AUSTIN: Do you think they open it like, ‘now a lot of you might think you’re color blind, but by the time you leave here today’-

KEITH: That’s exactly what they did, yeah.

AUSTIN: ‘You’re gonna be color brave’.

DRE: Oh, boy.

KEITH: That was one hundred percent the- it was, ‘don’t be color blind, be color brave’.

AUSTIN: Uh-huh. K.

KEITH: Yes, that was the line for sure.

AUSTIN: Mhm.

KEITH: Yeah.

AUSTIN: I hate that I just found- I was just like, yo, that’s what it is.

KEITH: You found it.

AUSTIN: Immediately.

KEITH: You found it immediately.

AUSTIN: Ohhhkay. You know, it’s hard out here. Alright. [sigh] Uh, let’s time.is? Let’s clap?

DRE: Oh, yeah. That website.

AUSTIN: Um-

SYLVIA [laughs]: It’s kind of important.

AUSTIN: We may just not get through this tonight, which is fine. But if we could do two hours, I’d be happy.

DRE: Yeah. I drank my Red Bull. I’m awake.

AUSTIN: I have a latte.

SYLVIA: I have an Arizona Iced Tea Arnold Palmer, which I’ve started drinking.

[EVERYONE ooohs]

DRE: Those are delicious.

SYLVIA: They’re very good, I will be fully honest, the reason why I bought it cause the novelty of having a can with a black and white picture of a white guy on it-

DRE (overlapping): Yeah.

[KEITH laughs]

SYLVIA: -is really funny to me.

AUSTIN: That’s pretty good. It’s pretty good.

SYLVIA: And then it turned out to be really tasty?

DRE: Wait, have you had the, uh-

KEITH (overlapping): Wait, have you not had one of those before?

SYLVIA (overlapping): I- I never had one-

KEITH: Oh, wow.

SYLVIA: This is not the first one I had, I got one like a couple weeks back and my life was changed forever.

KEITH: Oh, yeah. I have those like, three times a week.

DRE: Yeah.

AUSTIN: They’re good.

SYLVIA: They’re fantastic. I bought two today.

KEITH (overlapping): I had some- I was making some tea- I had some tea, but it was in the other room. But I had enough of it where I feel like I had some tea, y’know.

SYLVIA: Mhm.

AUSTIN: I get you. Alright, let’s clap at… 20?

DRE: Sure.

SYLVIA: Yeah.

[Out of sync clap]

AUSTIN: There were four distinct claps, but they were pretty close together, so…

KEITH: Yeah. It was a nice group thing.

AUSTIN (overlapping): I think- it was a group- Exactly. Exactly. Um, let me get… one sec, there is an important note I need that is not on my screen yet…

[synth music, 12:29]

AUSTIN: That’s a lot. I just realized I wasn’t recording. Um… That’s okay.

DRE: Hey, do you wanna like, redo that one?

AUSTIN: No, no no…

[DRE laughs]

AUSTIN: You just told me a surprising fact about Sean “Diddy” Combs…

DRE: Yes.

AUSTIN: Uh…

DRE: I’ll link you this story.

AUSTIN: I see it. I see one here from SBNation… ‘Music producer and rapper Sean Combs was arrested at a UCLA football workout Monday afternoon after getting into a physical altercation with a coach. Reportedly strength coach Sal Alosi, and a football intern, according to Bruin Report Online.’ Um, here we go. Let me find here… ‘Alosi’... Okay, here we go. ‘According to Bruin Report Online, Alosi kicked Justin’, who is, who is, uh, Diddy’s red shirt jr, who plays special teams in defensive back for the Bruins, he kicked Justin out of practice due to a lack of effort early Monday morning, Combs arrived at the UCLA athletic facility in the afternoon to confront Alosi, Alosi asked an intern to call campus security, and that’s when the alleged assault took place. Quote from the report online, ‘Alosi, then, according to witnesses, put up his hand in a non-threatening way, and instructed Combs to get his father out of the office. Diddy then walked into Alosi's hand, and told Alosi not to put his hands on him. In the next moment, according to many on the scene, Diddy attacked Alosi, until interns and other personnel pulled off Diddy. The celebrity broke free again at one point and struck Alosi. The personnel were then successful in getting Diddy out of the office and into the weight room, where Diddy picked up a kettlebell, which is a type of barbell, and then swung in at one of the interns.’ I think calling a kettlebell a ‘type of a barbell’ is underselling it…

DRE: Yeah. There are a lot more-

AUSTIN: Uh, do you wanna describe a- what a kettlebell like, looks like?

DRE: Yeah I mean, it’s basically just like a bigass weight with just like, a handle on it, right?

AUSTIN: Yeah, it almost looks like, uh- like a teapot or something, but all iron.

DRE: Yes.

AUSTIN: Like it has like a handle, and-

DRE [laughs]: And it’s also like, fifty pounds, usually.

AUSTIN: Yeah, they’re also super fucking heavy. I’m gonna put this out there. I think trying to hurt someone because your son got sent home from practice, uh, for not putting in the effort, is soft as shit. Be a better dad.

[DRE laughs]

AUSTIN: You know what’s harder than fucking hitting somebody with a kettlebell? Being a better dad. Take your son home, say, ‘So what’s up? I hear you didn’t wanna put in the effort? Is this like, a thing where you don’t really care about this? Are you not excited about it? That’s cool if you’re not, we’ll find something else for you to do… but like, just talk me through it. What’s- is it a relationship with the coach? Is the coach like, not vibing with you? Is he like, a shithead? Like, what’s going on?’ That’s way harder to do than to be like, ‘my son is right and he’s trying real hard, imma hit you with a kettlebell’.

DRE: Right.

AUSTIN: Soft as shit.

DRE: It should be said that going after the strength coach on a football team is… a thing.

AUSTIN: Yeah, I get you. I getcha.

DRE: Like, strength coaches are, uh… I mean, they’re jacked-

AUSTIN: Here’s an important fact-

DRE: Cause they’re strength coaches.

AUSTIN: Here’s an important fact. He didn’t know he was the strength coach. That could’ve been the offensive coordinator.

DRE: True.

AUSTIN: Who happened to be jacked.

DRE: True. [laughs] But strength coaches I think also have reputation for being, uh, let’s say… belligerent, maybe?

AUSTIN: Sure. Sure.

DRE: Like, when I was at WKU Western Kentucky for grad school and Bobby Petrino did his one year football coaching thing there-

AUSTIN: That’s such a good coach name.

DRE: Strength coach-

AUSTIN: That’s such a good coach name.

DRE: God, do you know… man.

AUSTIN: I don’t know shit about Bobby Petrino.

DRE: I wanna teach you about college sports one day, Austin. [laughs]

AUSTIN: Bobby Petrino… there we go.

DRE: Oh, boy.

DRE: Uh, he was a coach at Louisville in football like, once-

AUSTIN: Uh-huh-

DRE: And then he left to go to the Atlanta Falcons-

AUSTIN: Right, okay.

DRE: And then he quit by writing a bunch of letters to his players and putting it in lockers and not telling them face to face-

AUSTIN: Aww-

DRE: That he was quitting before the season ended.

AUSTIN: Bad.

DRE: And took a job at Arkansas-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Bad. Bad coaching. Terrible coaching.

DRE: And he was fired from Arkansas, because he was, uh, cheating on his wife with another woman in the athletic department-

AUSTIN: Ah, okay.

DRE: And that was discovered because he and this woman were riding on a motorcycle together and he wrecked his motorcycle and they had to like, call paramedics. So there’s like, a really iconic-

AUSTIN [inhales]: Hoooo.

DRE: Picture of him doing a press conference explaining his extramarital affair on a motorcycle wearing like, a neck brace, and having like, road rash-

AUSTIN (overlapping): I was wondering-

DRE: Yeah.

AUSTIN: I was wondering why this photo- every photo I see is him wearing this neck brace-

DRE: Yup.

AUSTIN: And also his face is all red from something.

DRE: Um, but anyway-

AUSTIN: Here is- I found a Clemson fan who is like, I guess for- I don’t know if this is Halloween or fun- dressed up like that. That seems mean.

DRE: Yep.

AUSTIN: Is there- that a thing? Is that a- is Clemson/Arkansas a rivalry?

DRE: Maybe? I don’t know.

AUSTIN: Or is this just a shitty dude who’s like, fuck it I’ll make fun of this guy.

DRE: I mean, Bobby Petrino’s kind of a shitty dude.

AUSTIN: Hi, Ali.

DRE: Hi, Ali.

ALI: Hey, hello.

DRE: Um, but yeah. Strength coaches are weird, and Bobby Petrino, strength coach at Western had a tradition of breaking things with his head to pump players up?

ALI: Hmm.

AUSTIN: Huh.

DRE: So that’s strength coaches.

AUSTIN: Is that wrestling?

DRE: ...Yes. Yeah. Strength coaches are the closest thing to like, wrestling that exists I think in any like, coaching tree.

AUSTIN: Right.

DRE: Very much.

AUSTIN: Right. Okay. That makes sense.

ALI: Oh my god…

AUSTIN: What’s up?

ALI: I thought that I’d look up like, another chart of wrestling moves for this-

AUSTIN: Mhm?

ALI: -And none of them are good. And they’re all… kind of terrifying?

AUSTIN: Wrestling is scary.

ALI: Yeah.

DRE: How are you feeling, Ali?

ALI: Good. What’s up?

DRE: Cause last time I heard from you your stomach was bothering you.

ALI: Oh, yeah, it was a weird weekend. But… whatever.

DRE: Um, I googled ‘wrestling moves chart’ and I got a chart that’s like, various horse maneuvers?

AUSTIN: Huh.

ALI: Yeah, there’s-

AUSTIN: Is that wrestling?

[DRE and ALI laugh]

ALI: It might be. It’s either like, really old still carnival guys, or there’s this really intense, like, martial arts one, or there’s just like, some, these are just some plants… [laughs] That’s not what I’m looking for.

DRE: ‘Tell-U-Vision Entertainer’.

ALI: Hm?

AUSTIN: Excuse... me?

DRE: ‘The Tell-U-Vision entertainer the wrestling chart published to create a mind picture and increase your appreciation of the radio broadcast’.

ALI: Mmmmmhm…?

AUSTIN: Wh- oh, I think I see this. Oh, this is neat. I like this a lot.

DRE: It’s very old.

AUSTIN: Can I get- can I get a bigger version, though? That I could read?

ALI: Yeah, I can’t zoom in on it.

AUSTIN: Please? Um, I might be able to find it. This is a New Zealand document.

DRE: Um…

AUSTIN: Here we go. I got you.

DRE: I might have found a bigger one?

AUSTIN: I got you. Yeah, I got it.

DRE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

AUSTIN: Yeah, you got-

DRE: One of those links down there will-

SYLVIA: This is a relic.

AUSTIN: Here, here here. This one- this goes right to it. ‘Reverse Japanese armbar’... Yeah. Hi.

DRE: Oh, it’s Art!

ALI: Oh.

DRE: Oh, boy.

AUSTIN: We gotta get you on before we talk about this chart. We need you to be on, Art.

DRE: Aw, man. Alright, yeah, I’m not saying anything.

AUSTIN: I can’t believe we found Chris Jericho’s list of moves.

[SYLVIA and DRE laugh]

DRE: Wow.

ALI: Oh my god…

SYLVIA: There’s a Quarter Nelson???

AUSTIN [laughs]: That’s a season 7 character.

DRE: Oh, which number is that, Sylvia^[1]? Oh there it is.

SYLVIA: Number 4.

AUSTIN: Well, you can look at the index. Cause the index is, yeah.

DRE: I’m sorry, do you mean the further Nelson? [laughs]

SYLVIA [laughs]: Yeah.

ALI: Oh…

SYLVIA: That’s his brother.

AUSTIN: Hi?

ALI: Hey!

DRE: Oh, Art?

AUSTIN: Hey.

DRE: Hi!

SYLVIA: Can you hear us?

AUSTIN: Click the link that we sent you and zoom in. And record. Be recording. This is the NDH- yeah. Yeah. I gotcha.

ART: But here we go-

AUSTIN: This is the Tell-U-Vision, as Dre said, the ‘Tell-U-Vision Entertainer, the wrestling chart published to create a mind picture to increase your appreciation of the radio broadcast. The object of this chart is to illustrate the running commentary of the Wrestling Broadcasts, and thus assist the announcers in providing a mind picture of this most interesting and thrilling entertainment. Owing to numerous inquiries from persons desirous of obtaining further information regarding the combinations and counters to the holds illustrated and wishing to learn the points of this fine, healthy sport, television now has the Tuition Service department, under expert supervision, arranged to avoid the heavy costs usually incurred in obtaining the correct information. To obtain this valuable service: pick out the hold you wish to become proficient in.’

[laughter]

AUSTIN: Then write, stating to the name- stating the name of the Hold, and write your Name and Address plainly, enclosing a Shilling Postal Note, to Telluvision, 48 Mountain View Road, Morningside, Auckland,’ South- SWI, what is that? Is that, uh?

DRE: That’s SW1, maybe?

AUSTIN: ‘S.W.1., New Zealand, and we will return a detailed description (leading up to the hold, the hold itself, possible counters, and developments). Inquiries for each hold must be accompanied with a shilling postal note.’ [laughs] That’s the third time they’ve said that. ‘Remember, there is an- there’s an effective and ineffective way to apply these holds’-

ALI: Ohh.

AUSTIN: ‘And we will tell you both.’

DRE: Wait, they’re gonna tell me how to do it wrong?

AUSTIN: Yeah, like, so you can fake it.

ART: Well, so you can work.

DRE: Ohh, okay.

AUSTIN: Yeah yeah yeah.

SYLVIA: Uh, I really like the name of number 62, but I don’t want to say it out loud, cause I want you guys to experience it the way I did.

AUSTIN: Yeah, naturally? Okay.

SYLVIA: It’s down at the bottom.

AUSTIN: Okay, 62…

[DRE laughs]

ART: Oh, wow.

AUSTIN: Oh yeah, that’s good. The ol’ ‘cross buttock’.

DRE: Yep.

ALI: Yeah.

ART: What-

AUSTIN: What is that?

ART: How- why would you call that that-

SYLVIA: It’s a hip toss! That’s just a hip toss.

AUSTIN: Is it?

ART: Yeah-

AUSTIN: That’s high for a hip toss, isn’t it?

SYLVIA: Um, yeah-

ART (overlapping): I didn’t see- it’s really late in the hip toss.

AUSTIN: And lemme tell you something else. I think it’s high for a cross buttock.

DRE: Yeah-

SYLVIA: It’s definitely high for a cross buttock.

ART: Yo-

DRE: There’s not much butt work going on there.

ART: That guy taking the pile driver is a hundred percent dead.

SYLVIA (overlapping): Look at the flying head scissors.

AUSTIN: Which one- give me a number-

SYLVIA: Same with the guy getting hit with the flying head scissors.

ART (overlapping): 59.

AUSTIN: 59… Oh, that pile driver- ooh, that’s- doooh- ooh-

DRE (overlapping): Oh, yeah, that guy’s dead.

AUSTIN: And where’s the head scissors? Oh, right after that.

DRE (overlapping): 60.

SYLVIA: Right next to it.

ALI (overlapping): Ooh-

DRE (overlapping): Oh, god-

AUSTIN: Oh, yeah, these are both rough. These are both rough. These are both rough.

DRE: Oh, god. Look at 56??

AUSTIN: Ope. Gotta scroll over this way-

ALI (overlapping): That’s great.

AUSTIN and ART: Airplane body scissors.

AUSTIN: Ooh, that’s a good move. That’s a good move.

DRE: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Hey, what’s up with 45? What is that? Is that a submission hold?

SYLVIA: The jackknife? That’s a pin, but-

DRE: Yeah.

SYLVIA: -nobody does it like that anymore.

AUSTIN: Mmm-

DRE: It looks like a weird pin. But it’s like, the jackknife diving thing, right?

AUSTIN: Alright, follow up question, follow up question, follow up question. In the top left of this doc, it says, ‘the white figure demonstrates the hold’. 1. Racist. 2. Look at number 54. They’re both white figures, and they also have been numbered 1 and 2.

DRE: Oh.

[SYLVIA laughs]

AUSTIN: Are those two different moves? Is that the high bridge-

SYLVIA: Oh!

AUSTIN: -And the body press as separate moves?

SYLVIA: They are. 1. It does look like they are both not enjoying this.

AUSTIN: Which is j-

DRE (overlapping): Or they’re really enjoying this.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Or they’re really enjoying it. They could be about to make out.

SYLVIA (overlapping): Or they’re really enjoying this.

AUSTIN: They could be about to make out.

SYLVIA: The high-

ALI: Yeah.

SYLVIA: The high bridge is he’s bridging on his neck to get out of the pin, and the body press is him trying to pin him-

AUSTIN: I see.

DRE: Ohhh.

SYLVIA: Either that or they’re just sharing an intimate moment in the ring-

AUSTIN: It could be.

SYLVIA: -And we should leave them be.

DRE: Yeah.

AUSTIN: It could be either. Um, the chin block-

ART (overlapping): I can’t believe no one in our federation has the, uh, in our Atlantic City federation has the 44 as their finisher.

DRE: The dump.

ART: The dump.

[EVERYONE laughs]

DRE: Where it looks like you just literally- you just drop some- oh, it says airplane spin-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Well you do that from the airplane-

ALI: Ohh.

AUSTIN: What the fuck, you want me to write you a letter for the airplane spin-

SYLVIA (overlapping): I was gonna say-

AUSTIN: And then a different one for the dump?

[ALI laughs]

SYLVIA: And- three parts! The lifting part as well!

AUSTIN: Oh, fuck- get out of here, that’s a money making scheme-

SYLVIA (overlapping): To the left of it!

AUSTIN (overlapping): You wanna know, here’s another one that’s built to confuse you. Number 28, and then number 34.

SYLVIA [laughs]: Look at number 36?

AUSTIN: 28- What’s number 28?

ART: Slam.

AUSTIN: What’s number 34?

DRE: Oh, it’s the slam.

ART (overlapping): The slam.

AUSTIN: The slam. Tryna take my dollar shilling postal note is what you’re trying to do.

DRE: Oh, but the slam is out of the trap, I think.

AUSTIN: Is it? It doesn’t say-

DRE: No-

SYLVIA (overlapping): Yeah- that’s another 3 parter-

DRE: It goes: the trap, the back loop, and the slam.

AUSTIN: Oh, I see.

SYLVIA: Same with the crotch hold up above it.

AUSTIN: This is a bunch of bullshit.

ART: Crotch hold: first position, crotch hold: second position?

DRE: Oh, you could dump from the crotch hold.

[SYLVIA laughs]

AUSTIN: You could dump from the crotch hold. I could see that.

DRE [laughs]: That’s a sentence I said.

SYLVIA: Oh, I’m a… I’m a middle schooler.

[EVERYONE laughs]

SYLVIA: Jesus Christ.

DRE: Nah, it’s fine. All I had to do was see dump once and I went, ‘hoo hoo hoo.’ So.

ART:  I don’t know how you fake this flying body scissors on number 6.

AUSTIN: You’ll have to send them that dollar shilling.

DRE: Well I mean, you know, even though wrestling is fake it still fucking hurts a lot.

AUSTIN: Yeah, I think it's just the person who’s receiving that move has to be landing before the contact, right?

DRE: Right.

AUSTIN: They have to be controlling the fall.

DRE (overlapping): Yeah, they’ve gotta be moving.

AUSTIN: Yeah.

ART: So you wanna just destroy your own crotch in their section-

AUSTIN [laughs]: Oh, that’s, uh, yeah-

[DRE laughs]

SYLVIA: This is also like, the 30’s, I think.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah.

SYLVIA: Or something, like. Maybe a little later.

AUSTIN (overlapping): When is this- when is this from-

SYLVIA: This is super old. This is like, when it was mega carnie.

AUSTIN: Um-

SYLVIA: Like, they challenged- like, guys would come in out of the crowd.

[ALI laughs]

AUSTIN: Right, right. Those were the good days, y’know?

SYLVIA: Mhm.

AUSTIN: Um, alright. That was a good little intro. Uh-

ART (overlapping): Whoa, look at the-

AUSTIN: Not yet 1930s question mark-

ART: Look at the Boston- the Boston Crab is another 3-parter. The 37/38/39.

AUSTIN: I swear to god.

ART: 37 is just teaching you to hold someone’s legs.

[AUSTIN and ALI laugh]

AUSTIN: You gotta be safe!

SYLVIA: 48 is also really good, just for the guy’s face. The turning over.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Oh, yeah, the turning over. I could use a turning over, it would help my back, y’know?

SYLVIA: It’s like, uh, that looks like a ‘hang in there’ poster, like-

[EVERYONE laughs]

SYLVIA: Another Monday, huh?

AUSTIN [laughs]: Oh, god. Here’s the other thing. I- some of these other moves could be multiple part moves, frankly. Or, with the Flying Mare- the Flying Mare could be- I need more guidance on the Flying Mare in which this person is being whooped by their wrist over someone’s shoulder?

ALI: Yeah…

DRE: Whoa…

SYLVIA [quietly]: Where’s that…

AUSTIN: Dangerous.

DRE: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Yeah, it’s funny, sorry. Um…

SYLVIA: Yeah, that’s like, um… I think supposed to be like a weird, like, judo throw almost?

AUSTIN: Oh, okay.

SYLVIA: Like a very ripped off version of it, I think.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yes. Yes, fair.

DRE: Yeah.

SYLVIA: If you kinda look at it.

ART (overlapping): The Halch looks like it could use more explanation, too.

AUSTIN: Yeah.

ART: Just, that’s a lot of neck contact, y’know?

AUSTIN: There’s way too much neck contact. Again, you can find this by searching for… whatever I searched for. ‘Mind picture wrestling’, clicking images-

[DRE laughs]

AUSTIN: -Then clicking the first image, going to that website, going to the website and then scrolling down and clicking on ‘view archived image on NDHA’.

ART: Yeah, and shoutout to the New Zealand National Library for having this.

AUSTIN: Yeah! Thank you-

SYLVIA: I’m glad we finally have an ARG.

[AUSTIN chuckles]

SYLVIA: People gotta search that up, do some sleuthing, that’s fun.

AUSTIN (overlapping): You can order this image.

ALI: Ooh.

DRE: Can we start saying that we create mind pictures?

AUSTIN: Welcome to Friends at the Table, an actual play podcast focused on mind pictures.

DRE: There you go.

[SYLVIA laughs]

AUSTIN: Critical mind pictures. A mind picture podcast.

ART (overlapping): Can we start saying we created an ARG, and that no one’s just found it yet-

DRE: YEAH.

ART: -and just, it doesn’t exist.

AUSTIN: I’m trying to-

SYLVIA (overlapping): Is that-

AUSTIN: There’s a chance that’s true, right? There are certainly secrets in this podcast that are- that no one knows. Or that one or two people know. That no one else knows. And that there are clues for in the world. That’s a true thing.

DRE: Oh, shit. Well- wh- wait- now I’m in the ARG and I don’t like it.

AUSTIN (overlapping): That’s all. Yeah. That’s it.

DRE (overlapping): I don’t like it, Austin!

AUSTIN: This is why we don’t talk about ARGs!

[DRE laughs]

ALI: Well…

AUSTIN: Alright. Uh, we ready to do a clap?

ALI: Umm...

SYLVIA: Uh...

ALI: Yeah, maybe.

SYLVIA: Yes.

ART: Someone just send you a shilling and you’ll tell them where the first clue is.

[ALI laughs]

AUSTIN: Where to start looking, yeah. Twitter’s probably the answer.

[ALI sighs]

AUSTIN: Um-

ART: Austin, that’s some shillings you just didn’t get!

[EVERYONE laughs]

AUSTIN: I know, you’re right. You’re right. And that’s your first free clue. For a second clue, send your shilling to friendsatthetable.cash!

DRE: Call 1-900-

AUSTIN [laughs]: Alright-

ART: FatT Clues.

[EVERYONE laughs]

DRE [laughs]: FatT Clue-

AUSTIN [laughs]: FatT Clues.

DRE [laughs]: Oh, that actually works! Eh!

AUSTIN: Yeah!

DRE: Actually, no, wait, it had to be FatT Clue.

AUSTIN [laughs]: No, it didn’t work at all, actually, it’s two regular words-

DRE (overlapping): FatT Clue.

ART (overlapping): You can dial more numbers, they won’t stop you.

SYLVIA (overlapping): No, there’s just no E, and then-

SYLVIA [laughs]: There’s no E and it’s a Z instead of an S.

DRE: AWW, okay, Sylvia’s saved it.

[ALI laughs]

AUSTIN: Thank you Sylvia. Alright, um. You wanna do a top of the minute?

ALI: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Yeah.

[Clap]

AUSTIN: Okay, uh… Ch ch choo... Let me get my… there we go, okay.

[synth music, 29:31]

JANINE: None, they're gone! ...Did they? ...I dunno, there was such a fuss about, 'blingee's going away, save all your blingees.' ...Weird. Did...why? [sigh] But like, did some Russian company buy them or something? ...Why is blingee still around but Vine isn't? That doesn't seem fair.

ALI: See?

JANINE: I was recording.

AUSTIN: Now I am. Patreon, you need to come live so I can make this tweet, make this post.

[scattered laughter]

JANINE: Should I just fake start over in a very stilted voice?

AUSTIN: No, I'm- I'm-

ALI (overlapping): No no no no, just go ahead, you alone.

DRE (overlapping): You guys talking about blingee, huh?

AUSTIN (overlapping): I'm genuinely still surprised that there are challenges- that there are weekly competitions on blingee.

ALI (overlapping): I mean, there's a blingee community.

DRE (overlapping): Yeah, and one of them is best goth blingee, so.

AUSTIN (overlapping): There's best anime blingee, there's two days left, I gotta vote in this one.

DRE: Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm going through best goth blingee-

AUSTIN: Alright, that one's not fucking- get outta here, that one's just a mushroom, this one's an anime, vote for this blingy.

JANINE: Is it an anime mushroom?

AUSTIN: No, it was like a cartoon mushroom, vote for this blingy.

ALI (overlapping): Okay-

DRE (overlapping): Fuckin s-

JANINE (overlapping): What?

ALI (overlapping): W- w- wait-

AUSTIN: Vote for this blingee, this is so easy.

JANINE: Did they- is a robot putting the entries together or something?

ALI (overlapping): I need to show you this. [laughs]

AUSTIN: That's my guess.

DRE: Hey, is this goth? This blingee I just linked? I don't think that's goth. That's just Meta Knight, right?

AUSTIN: Meta Knight is goth.

[scattered laughter]

ALI: I honed in on 'best vintage blingee'-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Ooh, vintage is good-

ALI (overlapping): Um, and it's-

JANINE (overlapping): I'm sorry, but that- that Meta Knight is like if Meta Knight was a Neopet that got paintbucketed. Also, what?

DRE: Yeah. It's not goth at all.

AUSTIN: Neither of these are anime, one second-

JANINE: Those are both anime!

AUSTIN: No, not the- those are good, I need help deciding. This-

DRE: Are those good, though?

AUSTIN: Yeah.

JANINE: Mm... (speculative)

AUSTIN: These two are not anime.

DRE (overlapping): That's not anime. No, that's not anime.

AUSTIN: But uh-

JANINE: Is that like, a baby? Is that second one a little baby?

AUSTIN: No, it says 'spring day.'

JANINE: Okay, it's like a little girl.

AUSTIN: It's like, a woman holding a ukulele, or like, a European guitar.

JANINE: In the small version, I thought it was like, a picture someone had taken of a baby in a crib, right? But then they like, photoshopped little hair on it, and little guitar in the arms, and then like, a dress and stuff. Actually zoomed in- actually looks like a real picture of a guitar... [trails off]

AUSTIN: Well, I guess I'll have to blow up this one so that you can really see these two.

DRE: Hold on, yeah, I'm also gonna see your anime blingee and raise you this goth blingee competition.

AUSTIN: That, mm. The right one. The right one, which is the-

[DRE laughs]

AUSTIN: The 'Happy Easter' Easter's goth-

DRE: I don't-

AUSTIN: With like, a, a mutated- or a mutilated-

DRE [laughs]: Austin, you can't just say things are goth for no reason.

AUSTIN: Easter's goth!

JANINE: It has scissors in its head...

AUSTIN: Yeah, it's not great. Anyway, help me-

JANINE: Also, why are there two different versions of human Applejack? Three, sorry, there's three- okay, two of these are the same one-

AUSTIN: One-

JANINE: But one of these seems different.

AUSTIN: No, those are three different Applejacks.

DRE: Oh, this one looks like a-

JANINE: I mean, yeah, they're different, but they have the same face and skin tone?

AUSTIN: Right.

JANINE: Whereas one of them decidedly doesn't.

AUSTIN (overlapping): One of them is just a human. Yeah.

JANINE: With like, cat ears or Pikachu ears or something.

AUSTIN: Yeah.

DRE: This is just a skeleton grabbing a naked lady's boobs. I think that's just a-

AUSTIN: That's goth.

JANINE: That's anime.

AUSTIN: Yeah, uh-huh, uh, that's also anime, you're right. Celebrity blingee... I could enter this competition- well, I'm not ready for that. These celebrity ones are much better. I

[ALI laughs]

AUSTIN: I'm like-

DRE (overlapping): I found the best goth blingee. It's this thing.

AUSTIN: Can you d- can you- ah, describe it for us, please.

DRE: It is a little white puppy wearing a witch hat surrounded by jack-o-lanterns, and then there's also a little black kitty in front of it.

JANINE: I think they should be disqualified, though, cause it's not blingee-ing, it's just static image.

DRE: No, I- I think it is-

JANINE (overlapping): Nothing here is moving or flashing.

DRE: I think it is blingee-ing-

JANINE: Oh, okay-

DRE: I think when I link it just- it's static. It definitely-

AUSTIN: Hey-

DRE: That light is- Oh, you can't see it, there's- the-

ALI (overlapping): Dre...

DRE: The mice are dancing- what. What.

ALI [laughs]: I just wanna say really quickly, you left out an important detail?

DRE: What?

ALI: Which is, the hat is off to one side, only covering one ear.

DRE: That's true.

AUSTIN: I have important-

ALI (overlapping): Slightly askew.

AUSTIN: I have important information. You can create custom blingee competitions.

DRE: Shit.

[ALI laughs]

JANINE: Uhhhhhhhhhh.

AUSTIN: I've been wondering, what should we do for the one year anniversary of the Friends at the Table Patreon?

JANINE: Yeah...

AUSTIN: I think the answer is, custom Friends at the Table blingee competition.

DRE: Uhhh, yes. I am unironically a hundred percent behind this.

AUSTIN: I have to create- who has a blingee account?

[DRE and ALI laugh]

ALI: I think I do.

[DRE laughs harder]

AUSTIN: Thank you.

DRE: That's very on brand, Ali.

AUSTIN: Follow up. You can make blingee postcards. Should we-

JANINE (overlapping): I just clicked that.

AUSTIN: -Just do that? Aw, this isn't a real postcard.

ALI [laughs]: I mean, we could upload-

JANINE (overlapping): Now... how would you possibly-

AUSTIN: We don't live in a beautiful enough future.

ALI: We can just email them to all our Patreon- [trails off into laughter] ...Can you imagine?

JANINE: I don't- I don't think people would appreciate that.

DRE: Yeah. You can cut that part. That part does not make the clapcast.

AUSTIN: Yeah, you should cut that part so that we can-

JANINE: Yeah-

AUSTIN: So that we can use it. And no one will know that that's where it came from.

JANINE (overlapping): Mhm.

[ALI laughs]

AUSTIN: Anyway, one of the top tags on blingee is 'woman'.

[Laughter]

ALI: Yeah, I just went to 'for girls'. And it's a bunch of- there's a bunch of angels?

AUSTIN: Uh-huh?

ALI: A few butterflies in here... And then there's a, uh... 'In memory of Patrick Swayze'?

DRE: Aw.

AUSTIN: Awww.

ALI: So...

JANINE: Mmm.

DRE: I forgot he was not with us anymore.

ALI: The girls are still getting over it. Wait, is this...? Is this- wait. Who- is this Jason Statham? [laughs] Cause this is-

DRE: Wait-

AUSTIN: This is good.

[ALI laughs]

DRE: You need a- when you said, 'Is this Jason Statham', and I thought that you had linked a picture of- that Janine had linked of a camo puppy-

[laughter]

ALI: No, but this-

DRE (overlapping): I was like, no but I don't think that's Jason Statham?

JANINE: This camo puppy is stealing John Cena's bit or whatever.

DRE: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Aw, hey, yeah, it's up again, we can do it, we can do the thing.

DRE: Got em.

AUSTIN: We have to find... Got im...

JANINE (overlapping): Did they-

DRE (overlapping): Yeah, that's Jason Statham. That's definitely Jason Statham-

JANINE (overlapping): There's a fidget spinner- there's a fidget spinner shoehorned into this that is Jason Statham-

AUSTIN (overlapping): 'I love bad boys, Maria'-

ALI (overlapping): That's- that's blingee for girls! [laughs]

AUSTIN (overlapping): I love- it's so-

JANINE (overlapping): I love how that's shaded in such a way that it looks like he's wearing one of those colorblock dresses that has the black on the sides-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yes-

JANINE: But the front part is just like, muscle?

AUSTIN (overlapping): Uh-huh? I'munna-

ALI (overlapping): Lightning moves, by the way.

AUSTIN: I'm gonna slow down, we need to-

JANINE (overlapping): It's like a bodycon muscle gown?

AUSTIN (overlapping): -describe some of these a little bit. One is a dog in camouflage that says, 'Sergeant Tibbs' in flashing white and black, and it says, 'You can't see me' also in camouflage. The next one is... a vampire cartoon? That says-

DRE (overlapping): Looks like vampire Samurai Jack.

JANINE (overlapping): He looks like the dad from Powerpuff- okay, that makes sense.

[ALI laughs]

AUSTIN: 'Got em!' it says, and then there's a bunch of like, lit emoji, and a hundred emoji-

DRE (overlapping): And a fidget spinner.

ALI (overlapping): Uh-huh.

JANINE (overlapping): I love the fidget spinner.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Oh, I missed the little fidget spinner.

ALI (overlapping): There's a good dad-

DRE (overlapping): There's two.

JANINE (overlapping): There's two fidget spinners, yeah. red and black.

DRE (overlapping): What's the-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Right, the colors of goth.

JANINE (overlapping): Then there's the Atari logo? Oh no, it's praying emoji, okay-

AUSTIN (overlapping): And then it says-

DRE (overlapping): It says 'little badger'?

AUSTIN: 'Little badger'... equals... m... Something pants? I-

JANINE: Wait, you forgot that the other one says 'Danny Phanturd' underneath all this stuff.

DRE: Oh, yeah, it does.

AUSTIN (overlapping): I couldn't see that- oh, that's a vampire from Danny Phantom. That makes sense. And then-

JANINE: Sure.

AUSTIN: The last one is- is- honestly, a very crisp picture.

[ALI laughs]

AUSTIN: Of-

ALI: That's incredible.

AUSTIN: Of Jason Statham in front of a bunch of buildings? Like uh, like a skyline? Uh, and in front of- or like, behind a bunch of, like, sterling silver-

DRE (overlapping): Ooh, the lightning really makes this.

AUSTIN: -Ball bearings? With lightning all around him, and there's like, shining-

JANINE (overlapping): The lightning's like, in front of him, too, it's like, tiny lightning.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Tiny lightning.

ALI (overlapping): It’s very-

DRE (overlapping): It's like, dancing over him.

AUSTIN: He's very powerful. It's very like-

JANINE: It's like he's being stroked by tree roots, actually.

AUSTIN: Okay, well, he gets off to some stuff, and it says, 'I love bad boys, Maria'.

[ALI laughs]

AUSTIN: Which, y'know- message- message- message sent, Maria, okay?

JANINE: Yeah. Sent and received, I imagine.

AUSTIN: You do with that what you may. I should-

DRE: Wait?

AUSTIN: I should- I should- what you may. I'munna search streaming-

DRE (overlapping): Oh, okay.

AUSTIN: I'm streaming now, uh, okay...

[synth music, 37:37]

DRE: Y’all, it’s snowing outside.

AUSTIN: Weird.

DRE: It’s not like, the way it was for you snowing, Austin, but-

AUSTIN: Sure.

DRE: Like, we were supposed to get a little rain tonight, and I guess it just got cold enough that it’s now snow.

AUSTIN: So you- this was not anticipated snow.

DRE: No, no. It was like, fifty degrees earlier today. And the low was supposed to be like, 39 tonight?

AUSTIN: Oh, wow.

DRE: But I think it just dropped lower than was expected, so now it’s snowy.

AUSTIN: Huh.

KEITH: I know it’s gonna snow here soon. I wonder if it’s the same snow.

DRE: Dunno. But I’m on spring break next week, so it’s fine if it snows.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Hell yeah.

ALI (overlapping): Nice.

DRE: I’m not gonna go anywhere. I-

KEITH: What is up with this new thing where every fucking time it snows the news is trying to tell me it’s a bomb?

AUSTIN: Bombogenesis.

DRE (overlapping): What?

JANINE (overlapping): Mmm-

SYLVIA (overlapping): What?

KEITH: I just went to weather.com and it says, ‘Winter Storm Skyler may bomb out this week’!

AUSTIN: That’s like, the hot new shit.

SYLVIA (overlapping): Oh, is it because of that like, cryobomb shit that happened earlier this winter? And now [trails off]

KEITH (overlapping): I think it’s the-

AUSTIN and KEITH (overlapping): The Bombogenesis?

AUSTIN: Yeah.

KEITH: Yeah.

DRE: Oh… what?

KEITH: It’s like… it’s like, the news learned that that word has always been a thing-

AUSTIN: Yep.

KEITH: So, it’s- it’s a thing that happens all the time, but now they get to go, ‘this is gonna be a bomb cyclone!’

AUSTIN: Mhm.

SYLVIA: Ugh.

DRE: I don’t like that.

AUSTIN: It sucks.

KEITH: Yeah, it sucks.

AUSTIN: Yeah. It’s not cool. I’m not with it. But I am with trying to figure out what to eat, food-wise.

SYLVIA: Yeah-

DRE (overlapping): UM-

KEITH (overlapping): I heard you want a mozzarella stick, is what I heard.

AUSTIN: I did want those.That’s true.

DRE (overlapping): I had chicken wings earlier. Those were pretty good.

AUSTIN: I had those this week, so I don’t wanna do more of those.

DRE: Okay, fair enough.

AUSTIN: But I think I do want mozzarella sticks.

SYLVIA (overlapping): I ordered a burger.

AUSTIN: See, that’s what I’m- that’s what I’m trying to say, is like, maybe I want a burger.

DRE (overlapping): Aw, man.

KEITH (overlapping): ‘Snow Tuesday, starting 3am’. That’s what I’m getting, snow.

AUSTIN: Is it a snow bomb? Or is it just a regular snow?

KEITH: It’s- I know it looks like it’s gonna be snowing for a long time.

AUSTIN: It’s a bomb snow?

DRE (radio announcer voice): Snow bomb.

KEITH: Snow bomb. Bomb- bomb cyclone! Bombogenesissss!

[DRE laughs]

AUSTIN [laughs]: Why does it sound like you’re a morning DJ?

KEITH: Welcome to the news! N-n-n-NEWS!

DRE (overlapping): I dunno. I like it, though.

AUSTIN: Aw, yeah. That’s what they say.

KEITH: Ready to get SNOOWED OUT?

[DRE laughs]

SYLVIA: Hell yeah, man! You know I’m always down to get snowed out.

KEITH: Weather on the SIX SIX SIXES!

[laughter]

AUSTIN: Wait, is this satanic coke weatherman?

SYLVIA: Fuck yeah it is!

DRE: I like it. I’m into it.

SYLVIA (overlapping): Next Bluff City’s gonna be wild.

KEITH (overlapping): Hitting that jelly juice hard, SIX A.MMMM.!

AUSTIN [laughs]: Is this- does this guy go to Daddy’s Rock ‘n Roll Emporium?

DRE: Yeah-

KEITH: I’m still awake from last night, morning news on the six six sixes! Bombogenesis time!

SYLVIA (overlapping): Oh my god…

[DRE laughs]

[synth music, 40:16]

SYLVIA: I was listening to Flagpole Sitta, and then Jimmy Eat World’s ‘The Middle’ came on afterwards-

AUSTIN (overlapping): That’s a banger-

SYLVIA (overlapping): I’m having a good night now.

ALI (overlapping): Oh, that’s a good song.

AUSTIN: That whole album is great, honestly.

SYLVIA: Yeah.

ALI (overlapping): Yes.

SYLVIA: Jimmy Eat World are like, kinda underrated because like. Like everyone knows that this song is really good-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Nah, but- yeah-

SYLVIA (overlapping): They’ve got other like, bangers.

ALI: Yeah, the rest of them are good also.

DRE (overlapping): They have some good songs.

AUSTIN (overlapping): What’s that other single they had that was really good?

DRE: Um, which one? There’s a lot of them.

AUSTIN: What if I just was like, um, ‘oh, The Middle. The Middle’s really good.’ And I could never name what the first one is? I think I was thinking of- I think I was thinking of ‘Sweetness’.

DRE: Mmm, that’s a good one.

ALI: Oh, yeah.

DRE: That song they had on One Tree Hill’s also a good one.

AUSTIN: Wow.

ALI: They should be more in like, the Taking Back Sunday radio station, I think-

SYLVIA (overlapping): I mean yeah, they should be.

DRE: Mm. (affirmative)

ALI: They should be brought up.

SYLVIA: Fuck, I’m gonna listen to Taking Back Sunday so much tonight now-

AUSTIN: They’re real good-

[Music starts playing over someone’s audio]

ALI  (overlapping): Oh, yeah-

DRE (overlapping): Yeah-

ART: I think I like the All-American Rejects, and I feel bad about it.

ALI: Oh, they were good. I think I went to a concert of theirs. Me and a friend of mine had like, a whole dance routine to Swing Swing.

AUSTIN: Wow.

ALI: Yeah.

ART (overlapping): They played the pre-show of the half marathon I ran?

ALI (overlapping): It was mostly hands, it was good.

SYLVIA: I saw the band that did the OC Theme live, and they did that- they made that song from a like, three minute thing into a ten minute thing somehow?

[music stops playing]

AUSTIN: Oh my god.

ALI: Ohh.

SYLVIA: It was fucking awful. They were opening for Panic! at the Disco and Motion City Soundtrack.

[ALI laughs]

DRE: Was it- aw, man. Oh, yeah, Coheed and Cambria is touring with Taking Back Sunday.

AUSTIN: Oh my god-

ALI (overlapping): Yeah, I think it’s the lead of Taking Back Sunday? There’s only like, one person left.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Whoa, wait, really?

DRE (overlapping): Yeah, Taking Back Sunday has had like, a lot of lineup changes.

AUSTIN (overlapping): I mean, I knew- we were just talking about this the other day, cause I was saying that Kanye West song sounds like a Straight Light Run song, and that’s two of the members of Taking Back Sunday. Um, but I didn’t realize that like, the whole squad had been dispersed.

SYLVIA: Yeah, there’s literally a Wikipedia article for ‘list of Taking Back Sunday members’.

AUSTIN: Right.

ALI: Yeah. And then like- they-

AUSTIN: They don’t have the others. There’s the chart. That’s what I want to see. Whoa-

ALI: They just came up with like, a newer album of what is essentially a second band, but under the Taking Back Sunday name.

AUSTIN: What?

ALI: Yeah, that was a couple years back.

AUSTIN: Ugh.

ART: The guy who- the newest dog sitter we got for Mable is like, a musician, like a working- like, you google him and his picture comes up?

AUSTIN: Oh. What’s his name?

ART: I don’t-

DRE (overlapping): These prices aren’t too bad. Sorry, I’m looking at prices for this Coheed and Cambria tour.

ALI (overlapping): Yeah, come to New York.

AUSTIN: Uh, wait, who- what’s his name, Art?

ART: I don’t remember his last name, but Jess-

[someone coughs]

ART: -it’s like, Zack something? But like-

AUSTIN: ‘Zack musician L.A.’, got it.

ART: It totally-

AUSTIN: Zack de la Rocha-

DRE (at the same time): Uh, Zack Graff.

ART: No-

DRE: Yep, nailed it.

AUSTIN: Zack de la Rocha?

SYLVIA (overlapping): [inaudible]

ART: It’s not him.

DRE: Was he ‘rollin down Rodeo’ when you met him?

ART: He was not. He w-

DRE: Okay.

ALI (overlapping): Boy howdy.

ART: He was playing a giant wooden flute?

[AUSTIN laughs]

ART: In the yard of his house-

DRE (overlapping): Oh yeah-

AUSTIN (incredulous): When you met him?

DRE: So yeah, yeah, Zack de la Rocha. Nailed it.

AUSTIN: Alright.

ART: And then he said that he was not going to use- it was a flute, and not a stick he was going to use to beat my dog.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Oh my-

DRE (overlapping): Jesus-

ART (overlapping): But I’d heard him playing the flute, like I-

ALI [laughs]: What the fuck-

AUSTIN (overlapping): What the fuck?

ALI: He’s fired now, right?

ART: No, he’s great, he’s got a yard, and beard-

[laughter]

AUSTIN (overlapping): He’s got a stick-

ART: No, it’s a flute!

AUSTIN: Did you hear him play it?

ART: Yeah!

DRE (overlapping): Tell me more.

ALI: Austin, do you still have OBS going?

AUSTIN: Yeah, you damn right I’ve still got OBS going.

[laughter]

ART: Well bleep out his name, because we really like him-

AUSTIN (overlapping): You didn’t say his name, you don’t know his name!

[ALI laughs]

SYLVIA: It’s Zack de la Rocha.

AUSTIN: Oh, I’m sorry- please- please bleep out me saying ‘bleep de la Rocha’- [laughs]

[laughter]

AUSTIN: But not Art saying Zack.

[more laughter]

AUSTIN: ‘Zack musician L.A. flute’. It’s like a wooden-

ART: He’s a guitar player for money.

AUSTIN: Oh, what, but you said he had a flute.

ART: Yeah, he had a- they’ll sell flutes to anyone.

ALI: Yeah.

[SYLVIA laughs]

ALI: Jack has one of those too, I think.

ART: You don’t need like, a flute liscense.

AUSTIN: Wait, did you confuse the name ‘Zack’ for ‘Jack’? Is it Jack?

ALI: I said Jack because Jack has a bunch of instruments as well.

AUSTIN: This is- I’m putting it together. I think-

ALI (overlapping): Oh, I see.

AUSTIN (overlapping): I think Jack might be Mabel’s dog sitter.

ALI [laughs]: Well-

ART: He was once.

AUSTIN: See? And you said he had a beard, right?

ART: A big old beard.

AUSTIN: What if I go- what’s that genie called?

ALI: Oh-

[SYLVIA laughs]

AUSTIN: ‘Genie website’- Akinator.

ALI (overlapping): Right. I see.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Zack- Zackinator? It all comes together.

[laughter]

DRE: I’m just over here sitting about Jack de la Rocha.

AUSTIN: Alright, is your character a girl? No. Okay. Does your character really exist? Yes. Is your character a Youtuber?

SYLVIA [laughs]: The first image for Zackinator on google images is Squidward dabbing.

[laughter]

AUSTIN (overlapping): Does your character- does your character create music? Yes.

ALI: Yes, wow.

AUSTIN: Is your character a rapper? No?

ALI: Nah…

DRE: I don’t think so.

ART: I really don’t think so.

SYLVIA (overlapping): We can’t say for certain.

AUSTIN: Is your character more than 40 years old?

ART: I think so.

AUSTIN: So ‘probably’? Or ‘yes’?

ART: I’m about to get the answer, and then I can-

AUSTIN: Whoa, hold. Cause remember, we’re talking to Akinator over here. I can’t just- leave this one. Finish this out. Over 40 or not?

ART: I really think it’s- he has a very grey beard.

AUSTIN: So yes. Did your character die? [laughs]

DRE: Ooh, dark.

ART: No, I think he’s still with us.

AUSTIN: Does your character play in a rock band?

DRE: Obviously.

ART: Um, yes.

AUSTIN: Is your character the lead singer of a band?

ART: No.

AUSTIN: Does your character believe they are queen of a castle?

ART: I don’t think so? He has a very nice house, though.

AUSTIN: So I should say ‘don’t know’, or ‘no’?

ART: No, I’m pretty sure not.

AUSTIN: Is your character a drummer?

ART: No.

AUSTIN: You’re sure?

ART: Yeah. I’m looking at- I’m looking at his Wikipedia page.

AUSTIN: Is your character a vlogger?

ART: I don’t think so.

AUSTIN: Does your character play base?

ART: No.

AUSTIN: Does your character often wear a hat?

ART: No.

AUSTIN: Does your character have a famous brother or sister?

ART: Yes.

AUSTIN: Is your character from Fred the Movie?

ART: I don’t think so.

[laughter]

DRE: But we can’t say for sure.

AUSTIN: Yeah.

ALI: I thought you had the Wikipedia open? Kinda imagine it would be there-

A (overlapping): Yeah!

ART: It’s not on the Wikipedia page.

AUSTIN: So no. Does your character play a red guitar?

ART: Uh, not in any of the pictures I’m looking at.

AUSTIN: So ‘don’t know’. So ‘no’.

ART: I think he could play any color guitar.

AUSTIN [laughs]: I’m gonna say ‘don’t know’. Because who knows. Is the character a citizen of the United hyphen States?

ART: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Does your character play-

ART [laughs]: Unless that’s a different country.

AUSTIN: Does your character play in a band with their brother?

ART: Yes.

DRE: Oh, shit.

AUSTIN: Does your character wear face paint?

ART: No.

AUSTIN: Is your character a lead guitarist?

ART: Uh, yes, I think so.

AUSTIN: Is your character Australian?

ART: No.

SYLVIA: It already asked you- like, okay- it could have asked if they like, lived in America-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Art? Art?

ART: Yeah?

AUSTIN: Is your guitarist Eddie van Halen?

[laughter]

ART: No.

[laughter]

AUSTIN: I’m gonna continue. Is your character famous in the 80s?

ART: Uh, the… No, right? No. I’m- no. No.

AUSTIN: Is your ch-

ART: I’m not sure this person’s famous now.

AUSTIN: Is your character a lesbian?

ART: No.

AUSTIN: Does your character have a soul?

[laughter]

AUSTIN [laughs]: That’s Johnny.

SYLVIA (overlapping): Heavy.

ART: Yes?

[laughter]

AUSTIN: Does your character have any siblings- we know that, yes. Is your character among the all-time best-selling music artists?

ART: No.

AUSTIN: Is your character a singer?

ART: What would you call co-vocalist?

AUSTIN: Singer.

ALI: Yes.

ART: Okay.

DRE: Yeah.

AUSTIN: Does your character have their own TV series?

ART: No.

SYLVIA (overlapping): I hope so.

AUSTIN: Is your character a songwriter?

ART: Yes.

AUSTIN: Does your character have… does your cha- Hmm.

[laughter]

DRE: Why is this on a Live at the Table? Why are doing this right now?

AUSTIN: Does your character have hairy feet?

ALI: Oh. [laughs]

AUSTIN: You-

ART: I don’t know.

[laughter]

DRE: Hold on. What hobbit also plays guitar in a band with their brother?

AUSTIN (barely holding it together): Does your character have a-  does your character have a pet turtle? [laughs]

[laughter]

ART: Uh… no?

AUSTIN: Are you sure?

ART: I’m pretty sure.

[laughter]

AUSTIN: Is your character associated with the band My Chemical Romance?

ART: No.

DRE: Ooh.

AUSTIN: Fuck. Is your character in Suicide Squad? [laughs]

ART: Uh, I don’t think so.

[laughter]

ART: The movie or the sq- the one that flopped?

AUSTIN [laughs]: I think the squad.

ART: I think- I still think no.

DRE (overlapping): This is the stupidest shit.

AUSTIN: Does your character have children?

ART: I don’t believe so.

AUSTIN: Is your character a GHOUL? [laughs]

SYLVIA: Dude hell yeah.

ALI (overlapping): Who can say? Who can say?

ART (overlapping): No?

[laughter]

AUSTIN: Is your character blond?

ART: No.

AUSTIN: Does your character have schizophrenia?

ART: No?

AUSTIN: Did your character appear in a movie about camp?

ART: No.

AUSTIN: I swear- I remember, the first thing I told this genie was it’s a real person. Is your character a member of a band where there are boys and girls?

ART: Oh, hold on, I have to check.

AUSTIN: The fact that this person has a fucking Wikipedia page changes so much.

ART: Um, no, I don’t think so.

AUSTIN: Is your character a-

ART: Oh, wait, maybe-

AUSTIN: Art?

ART: You can’t go back, can you?

AUSTIN: I can.

ART: Um, who’s this?

AUSTIN: It’s very important.

ART (overlapping): Yes, there is- there is a woman in one of these bands.

AUSTIN: Okay. Alright. Yes. Has your character ever been married?

ART: I don’t know.

AUSTIN: Is your character from a TV series? No, right?

ART: Um, no, not a TV series.

AUSTIN: What does that mean?

SYLVIA: What?

AUSTIN: Wait, you said-

ART: There’s a- there’s a credit for a comedy webseries.

AUSTIN: Oh. Huh.

ART: An Adult Swim comedy webseries, and Adult Swim is a-

AUSTIN: Is your character-

ART: TV channel.

AUSTIN: Is your character a genie?

ART [laughs]: No.

AUSTIN: Who- sorry, was your character’s father famous?

ART: I don’t think so.

AUSTIN: Is your character a native Spanish speaker?

ART: No.

AUSTIN: Is your character a guitar player? This is the sixth time you’ve asked this, genie. The answer’s yes, right?

ART: Yes.

AUSTIN: Is your character’s birth mother alive?

ART: I don’t know. He’s kinda older, but-

AUSTIN: Art?

ART: I- yeah.

AUSTIN: Is Mabel’s babysitter Jack Black?

ART (overlapping): Eddie van-

[laughter]

ART: No.

DRE: Oh, god.

AUSTIN: I think we probably should call it there. This genie can keep going, but like…

DRE: Boy.

ART: It’s- his name is Zac Holtzman? American guitarist and co-founder of the band Dengue Fever?

AUSTIN: That- spell this out, so I can add it to this genie.

SYLVIA (amazed): That’s a beard.

ART (overlapping): D-E-N-G-U-E space Fever. That’s the band, the-

SYLVIA: Oh, he was in an episode of On Cinema.

ART: Yeah.

DRE (overlapping): Good lord, that is a beard!

ART: Yeah, it is. He’s just a fun hippie man who likes to hang out in his yard and play the flute and watch dogs run around.

SYLVIA (overlapping): You know what, I-

DRE (overlapping): He’s still- still rocking that beard?

ART: Oh, yeah.

DRE: Alright. Yeah, he seems pretty chill.

ART: He makes Cambodian pop music.

SYLVIA: Mixed with like, psychedelic rock. Which sounds-

DRE (overlapping): Oh man, I like these pants he’s wearing.

AUSTIN (overlapping): I’ve added him to the Akinator. Alright.

SYLVIA: Doing god’s work.

DRE: Our work here is done.

AUSTIN: Finally I can stop. I’m gonna stop this recording, and then give you this MP3. Or this .wav file, Ali.

ALI: Thank you.

AUSTIN: I’ll just do the last bit.

[synth music, 53:00]

AUSTIN: that adds up. Um, what does it look like?

ALI: Um…

KEITH: The armor?

AUSTIN: Yeah.

KEITH: Hmm.

ALI: Sick, I bet.

AUSTIN: Okay, good. Great. That’s-

[laughter]

KEITH: Yeah, write down sick. Write down that it’s fuckin-

DRE (overlapping): Hard agree. It’s gotta look sick.

KEITH (overlapping): Yeah.

JANINE: I was gonna- I was gonna like-

KEITH (overlapping): We all agree it looks sick as hell.

JANINE: I was gonna like, mention Neir Automata, and then I remember how fascist that stuff was? So, not that.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Oh, like the late- Yeah. The late game stuff?

JANINE (overlapping): Yeah-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah. Probably not that.

JANINE (overlapping): Yeah.

ALI: I mean, they could be anything, right? Tender has that like, armor bomber jacket that she wears.

AUSTIN: Yeah, but no. So actually-

ALI (overlapping): It has to be-

AUSTIN (overlapping): It is distinctive. It is your crew’s armor.

ALI: Oh.

DRE: Yeah.

AUSTIN: It looks like your crew’s armor.

AUSTIN: Mhm.

JACK: I wonder if-

KEITH (overlapping): Do we wanna go-

ALI (overlapping): I’m googling Mass Effect armor. [laughs]

AUSTIN: Fair.

KEITH: Do we- [laughs] do we wanna go like, big armor suit? Or do we wanna be like, cool space… cool people? Like, cause big armor suits are cool, but there’s not- you don’t look at someone wearing it and be like, ‘that person is cool’.

DRE: Yeah, do we want like, Destiny armor?

KEITH (overlapping): You’re like, ‘that armor is’-

ALI: Yeah, we should- it shouldn’t be personalized, right? But it should be like, understated.

AUSTIN (overlapping): It could be personalized with like-

ALI: Y’know?

AUSTIN: It could be personalized in terms of like, everyone has their own unique color swatch or sash or belt or like, you know what I mean? Or a symbol or something that’s like, unique. But I think the basic structure of it is gonna be- should be pretty similar.

JANINE: Remember when Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning had Mass Effect armor in it?

DRE: Yo, what?

SYLVIA: What?

KEITH: That’s so bizarre. I do not remember that. I played a lot of that game.

AUSTIN (overlapping): I remember the weapons.

DRE (overlapping): I barely remember that game.

AUSTIN: I see it here.

JANINE (overlapping): Yeah, they had Shepherd’s battle armor.

ART: I remember when Mass Effect had Dragon Age armor.

JANINE (overlapping): I’m not really suggesting that, but…

ALI: Oh, yeah…

AUSTIN: These aren’t great.

JANINE: Yeah… The helmet for that was weird.

ART (overlapping): What if we did that?

AUSTIN: What if we did what, Art?

ART: Dragon Age armor. [laughs] What if we did-

JANINE: Mass Effect Dragon Age armor?

AUSTIN: Oh, boy.

ART: Yeah, what if we just had plate mail?

[laughter]

KEITH: No, but is that the same thing as having Destiny armor?

ART: No, it isn’t. You look-

JANINE (overlapping): The Mass Effect Dragon Age armor would actually be way cooler if it didn’t have the Dragon Age fucking box art across the chest and shoulder like a fucking tribal tattoo.

DRE (overlapping): Yeah-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah, I remember that. Yeah.

ART: How else am I supposed to know what other EA property it’s from? It’s like, you’re not even branding.

[laughter]

JANINE: I like pauldrons. I like the idea of us having cool pauldrons.

AUSTIN: Pauldrons are cool.

DRE: Yup. Pauldrons are-

JANINE (overlapping): And like a gorget or whatever-

KEITH (overlapping): Oh, here’s- here’s- hold on, here’s something. You said pauldrons and I saw this and I was like, oh, that’s maybe the best case scenario space pauldron.

AUSTIN: This is a website that you linked us to.

JANINE: Yeah, what? This- oh, it’s a rally guide-

KEITH (overlapping): Oh, it’s not- no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no-

JANINE (overlapping): Faction rally guide, wow.

KEITH (overlapping): It’s that- it’s that- it’s that, it’s that one.

AUSTIN: Oh, those are two box- boxy-

ALI (overlapping): Yeah-

SYLVIA (overlapping): Those are very like-

JANINE (overlapping): Oh, hate this to death.

SYLVIA (overlapping): -Twilight Mirage, Warhammer-

KEITH (overlapping): You think those are two boxy?

AUSTIN: Yeah…

JACK: They’re a bit like you’re wearing boxes, aren’t they?

KEITH: Yeah, boxy, then.

DRE: Alright. This is also probably too boxy, but maybe closer to what we’re looking for?

KEITH (overlapping): Although, I feel like round pauldrons are not spacey enough? Here, how about this one-

JANINE (overlapping): Oooh, oh, I’m so fucking- I’m the worst-

AUSTIN (overlapping): No, these are more in like, the science fantasy, right?

ALI (overlapping): You need something you could like, wear-

KEITH (overlapping): This is paul- this-

ALI: We need to wear something like, you could wear a hoodie over.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yeah, that’s the- yeah, no, I’m exactly with you, Janine, which is that like, the problem is, I’ve spent a lot of time in public saying that the new monarchy fashion is fascist in Destiny. But it’s also very good.

JANINE: It’s, yeah-

DRE (overlapping): It is very good looking.

JANINE: Look, gold plus jewel tones is always good. It’s never not good. You get like-

AUSTIN: Yeah.

JANINE: You get like a rich teal in there, you get a nice purple, you get a sapphire blue, you get the ruby red, like, all that shit is gorgeous with gold.

ALI: It should definitely be more like, hunter armor though, right? Like-

AUSTIN: I think hunter or warlock or like a blend of the two depending on which character it is, right? Or is it all three because like, I could definitely see even in some Titan armor.

KEITH: It’s not-

AUSTIN: No, some of these are bad.

KEITH (overlapping): Let’s just all- let’s just all be- we’ll just all be in Halo armor.

AUSTIN: [noise of disapproval]

KEITH: It’s on now cause we can’t-

DRE (overlapping): I was looking at ODST armor, but I think even that’s a little too bulky.

AUSTIN: Yeah…

KEITH: It’s so bulky. There’s not even fanart of light versions of it, that sucks. Oh, sorry, not that, I was talking about-

ART (overlapping): What about- okay, what about the space suits they wore in the Lost in Space movie?

DRE: Goddammit, Austin.

[KEITH laughs]

DRE: You did a bad job.

ALI (overlapping): That looks great.

AUSTIN (overlapping): What? What’s wrong?

KEITH: Finally, one that’s not fascist.

[laughter]

AUSTIN: I like the Stormtroopers. [pause] Oh, that’s alright, Dre. Kind of like that general direction. Wait, what is the one space armor?

KEITH (overlapping): You know what?

AUSTIN (overlapping): Oh, I see.

DRE (overlapping): It’s from a bad anime, but-

AUSTIN: Just lots of space armor is bad? But… I think the… like, bulkiness is correct.

KEITH: I like this middle left, I like that. I like middle left here.

AUSTIN: Tell me why, a little bit?

DRE: Yeah, that’s not bad.

AUSTIN (overlapping): You color that up, you make that a little bit more juicy-

KEITH: Yeah. Maybe take off the coat.

AUSTIN: I think Grand wears the coat.

KEITH: Yeah, maybe Grand can wear the coat and then people are like, ‘Is he the leader?’ and then everyone says ‘no’ all at once. Except Grand.

ART: See, it’s rudeness like this is why I don’t wanna stay and help you guys. This is why.

KEITH (overlapping): OUT OF CHARACTER!

AUSTIN: Um… I’m glad that we’re spending our most important time- I mean, this is important. This is important.

DRE (overlapping): This is important.

JANINE: I’m looking at Dragon Age/Mass Effect crossover fanart and it’s actually just kinda fun?

DRE (overlapping): Oh, is it that Osiris here?

JANINE (overlapping): Oh, man that’s so good! Fuck!

AUSTIN: Ooh. What is this?

ALI (overlapping): It’s a little too Signet, but-

AUSTIN: No, is it? Because we could rock with that.

ALI: It’s the Vest of the Exile, we’re all technically exiled, so this is a nice one.

KEITH (overlapping): No that looks like the- it looks like the Power Ranger.

JANINE: I don’t hate that.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Dre, is your notion here that everybody needs to have a big cowbell on their chest?

DRE: Yes, absolutely. I didn’t even notice that part, honestly.

AUSTIN: Okay.

KEITH: I like- honestly, I like- Ali’s thing is kind of a white power ranger vibe.

ALI: Should we be… going more into the Sentai-

KEITH: We should be going more into the Sentai stride, yeah.

SYLVIA (overlapping, excitedly): Oh, we should be going very Sentai with this.

ALI: Cause-

DRE: Yeah, okay, fair.

ALI (overlapping): It’s distinctive armor for a team of people so.

KEITH: Yeah, here it is.

A: Yeah-

KEITH: Here’s every- whoa, no, that’s a long version. I hate that.

AUSTIN: Here you go. I got one for you. How about this right here.

[KEITH laughs]

JANINE: Oh my god…

[laughter]

ALI: Grand looks fantastic.

[laughter]

JACK: Can you describe that picture for us, please?

AUSTIN: Uh, it is some sort of Super Sentai- which is to say like, a Power Rangers character- in the suit, with big golden pauldrons and a silver shiny suit and a black helmet, and then their entire chest piece and the pauldrons are covered in other Power Ranger helmets. Other Super Sentai helmets, little tiny-

JACK: Like grim trophies.

AUSTIN: 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 14… 15 of them. 15 of them. 15 different power ranger faces. They’re all also the- the white ranger, like equivalent? Or the gold? Or the green ranger equivalent?

ART (overlapping): They’re all that guy, right? At least three of these are that same actor.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Are the one- yes, a hundred percent.

ALI: I’m changing my Bluff City wrestling character.

KEITH (overlapping): Okay, now that we’re talking about Sentai suits, should we instead just be wearing the Ginyu Force Freeze’s army armor?

[noises of agreement]

JANINE: I’ll leave this podcast.

AUSTIN: Alright, what if just- everyone should type ‘Spice Boys DBZ’

SYLVIA: Okay?

DRE: Should- should we?

SYLVIA: We- we should.

ALI: Oh, yeah…

KEITH: Oh yeah, the Spice Boys! Yeah.

DRE: Ah! I do remember these guys!

KEITH: Yeah!

JACK: What’s happening here?

AUSTIN: They’re the Spice-

KEITH (overlapping): It’s the Spice Boys-

JANINE (overlapping): Why do they all have tummy windows?

AUSTIN: Spice Boys. That’s where they put the spice.

ALI (overlapping): Because-

SYLVIA (overlapping): Yeah-

DRE (overlapping): You gotta see that 8-pack.

KEITH: Cause they worked really hard on those tummy windows.

AUSTIN: Yeah.

JACK: They do all exclusively have tummy windows. Every single one of them.

AUSTIN (overlapping): They have great names.

ALI: I mean, I do like the idea of it kind of- cause like, if we all have to wear it, it’s supposed to be distinctive or whatever- just kind of being- I’m gonna say the word bib, I don’t mean it, but like, as a kind of- [laughs] just sitting on the like, precious hard part of your body, on the chest part, is what you call that? I’m sorry. [laughs]

JANINE [laughs]: The precious hard part.

ALI [laughs]: And then like, a little shoulder, you know, maybe comes out a little bit, and then like, a back part, but like, it’s just- and then, if we want to wear pants or whatever- [laughs] not that that’s optional, I just mean the rest of it. The only part that-

AUSTIN (overlapping): You diggin. Oh, I like these-

ALI: The only part that matches is the chest part. We all wear chest pieces, is what I’m saying. [laughs]

AUSTIN (overlapping): Dre, I like-

JACK (overlapping): Great audio podcast going on here.

AUSTIN: Uh-huh. Dre, I like this-

JACK (overlapping): It’s on Powerpoints.

[ALI laughs]

AUSTIN: Uh- oh. Here’s a thought. It should be something you don’t need to take off to get into your mechs.

JACK: Oh. Into the mechs. Yes. A good q-

DRE (overlapping): Yeah.

KEITH: Alright, so that’s doubling down on the Sentai Suit.

DRE: It absolutely is.

JACK: Lost in Space-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Or like, plugsuits, right?

[noises of contemplation]

KEITH: What is a plugsuit?

ALI: Oh..

SYLVIA: The thing from Eva that they wear.

[Several ‘yeahs’]

AUSTIN: But I mean, yeah. I mean, it’s… a plugsuit or like, a, whatever the suits are called in Gundam.

KEITH: Oh, yeah.

AUSTIN: That’s like, a running thing.

ALI: A flight suit.

DRE: It means we- it means that there’s- that we’re gonna see Gig’s butt in very very fine detail. If we’re wearing plugsuits.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Yep. Mhm.

KEITH: Yeah, I wanna say I googled ‘plugsuit’ and the first thing was a video showing an ass in a suit, so-

AUSTIN: Yeah-

SYLVIA: Yeah, that’ll- that’s about right for the internet.

AUSTIN: Yeah…

DRE: Think of Zero Suit Samus. That’s a plugsuit.

ALI: Oh, yeah.

AUSTIN: Yes.

DRE: Kind of.

AUSTIN: But not very distinctive, y’know?

DRE: No.

JACK: I’m looking at like… The Edge of Tomorrow, armor, but that’s mostly like, these suits of armor like, mechs-

ALI: I mean, it’s distinctive if we’re all wearing them in different colors, right? Like, that’s the-

AUSTIN: Yeah.

ALI: The N7 logo was distinctive.

AUSTIN: Yes.

ALI: Y’know?

KEITH: You know what google-

AUSTIN (overlapping): When I talk about swatches of color, let’s imagine like, each of you as a different N7 logo color, y’know? But it’s just like, that cool swatch. Or like, a band around your arm, or the- the… there’s like, one part that’s gold one person and silver on the other one and blue on another, y’know? Like a trim-

KEITH: There’s a lot- google has a lot of expansion plugsuit images.

AUSTIN: Nope- nope-

ALI (overlapping): No-

SYLVIA (overlapping): That also sounds about right for the internet.

AUSTIN: Nope. Not going here.

JACK (overlapping): We- we have gotten some distance off track here. Um…

KEITH: Oh, is- [laughs] oh, Jack-

AUSTIN: Is this a Clapcast?

ALI: Um, I’m gonna-

JACK: I think it might be.

ALI: I’m gonna set the timer for 3 minutes.

JANINE (overlapping): I can’t make sense of this picture at all. I don’t understand how many people are in it, even.

KEITH (overlapping): Ohhhh.

JACK: One.

KEITH: I like this cause they all have different animals on them.

DRE: This- oh, that’s a lot.

ALI: That’s- did you just-

KEITH: Oh, that’s not- that’s wild-

AUSTIN: That’s too many people.

JANINE: It’s like a ball of Ferrero Rocher wrappers.

KEITH (overlapping): But-

JACK (overlapping): It’s a shield-

[laughter]

ALI: God.

KEITH: But this is- we can have someone with an elephant shirt, and someone with a lion shirt-

AUSTIN: Oh, god-

SYLVIA: Ooooh.

AUSTIN: These look terrible. Also, wait, okay-

JANINE (overlapping): They look bad.

AUSTIN: W-w-w-w-wait. Grand already has one of these, but it’s- [laughs] Leonardo da Vinci. Around his entire chest-

[laughter]

DRE (overlapping): Oh, yeah-

JANINE (overlapping): Oh, Jesus.

AUSTIN (overlapping): So what if it’s just different renaissance figures?

JACK: Yeah. And now they’re like- whoa, this is just the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, at this point.

SYLVIA (overlapping): Yeah, I was gonna say.

AUSTIN: Fuck. You’re right.

ALI: Oh, y’know what’s actually fucked up-

AUSTIN (overlapping): Dammit.

JACK (overlapping): Did that-

KEITH (overlapping): Oh! What if our armor is a turtle shell?

AUSTIN [sighs]: Ohhkay.

AUSTIN: How’s that timer going, Ali?

ALI: Uh, 2 minutes and 17 seconds. Anyway, this is my real idea, this is one of my favorite Destiny armors. Where it’s just like, a chest piece-

JACK (overlapping): Ooh!

DRE (overlapping): Oh yeah, Lucky Raspberry.

ALI (overlapping): And there’s all those dots, and those dots can be different colors, different, y’know-

KEITH (overlapping): Honestly, my favorite one so far was the one that you linked earlier that brought us to Sentai suits.

JANINE (overlapping): Same, yeah same.

ALI (overlapping): Yeah.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Me too. One hundred percent.

JANINE (overlapping): This one looks like a game of Chinese checkers to me.

[ALI laughs]

AUSTIN: The- right. I really-

DRE (overlapping): Please do not disrespect the Lucky Raspberry, please. It’s very important to me.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Is that what it’s called?

ALI (overlapping): Yeah.

DRE (overlapping): The Lucky Raspberry, yeah.

JANINE: That’s terrible.

DRE (overlapping): Very good piece of armor.

ALI (overlapping): Yeah.

AUSTIN (overlapping): That’s a terrible name.

JANINE: That’s awful.

DRE: I also like the thing Ali posted first.

JANINE: Yeah.

AUSTIN: What was it called? Chest of the Exile?

ALI: Yeah. Vest of the esch- Exile. We should also say Vest! Y’know.

AUSTIN: I do kind of like this collar that then becomes like, a cool outfit. You know what I mean?

ALI (overlapping): Yesss.

AUSTIN: Vest of the Exile, I see. I wanna see it in motion.

JANINE: Yeah, Signet already-

KEITH (overlapping): Vest.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Oh, this looks good at hell in different colors.

JANINE: Kind of wears a plugsuit most of the time that she’s not wearing a gown? So like, that doesn’t excite me. But a cool chestplate does.

AUSTIN (overlapping): Look at how good it looks- look at how good that looks, yeah.

DRE: Oh, whoa, jinx.

AUSTIN: Yeah, that looks good.

KEITH: That looks good.

AUSTIN: Doesn’t it?

ALI: Yeah…

KEITH (overlapping): That does look good.

AUSTIN: And those cool belts across the stomach?

JANINE: Yeah. Oh, there’s a little bit of fur there. It’s cozy.

AUSTIN: Yeah. Is this from… Trials? Is that where this is from?

DRE: I think all the Exile stuff, yeah. That’s Trials of Osiris.

AUSTIN: Probably don’t have these big capes, right?

ALI: I mean, that’s optional.

AUSTIN: Yeah, I think the cape is optional.

KEITH: Grand Mag might have the cape.

AUSTIN: Grand Mag, do you want the cape?

ART: Of course I do.

AUSTIN: There you go.

ART: I’ve got a closet full of capes and it doesn’t go with anything right now.

[laughter]

ART: What am I even doing?

AUSTIN: Alright, I think that’s- we’ll start here, and we’ll think about it. Let’s start at this Vest of the Exile, it’s a good starting place.

JACK: ...Start here?

[laughter]

AUSTIN: We could maybe- uh- let me know when you can fit 15 different faces on the chest.

ALI: Okay, time to stop-

JANINE (overlapping): But see, you get that raspberry for each, you just put a tiny little face in all those weird little ball sockets.

ALI (overlapping): See, there you go.

AUSTIN (overlapping): There you go. Yeah, each ball is a face. There’s at least 15 of those. Alright.

JANINE: You put it on yourself with a marker, even, it’s- y’know.

AUSTIN [laughs]: You just draw little smiles on there.

[synth music, 1:06:00]