Kyou Kara Maou?! (MaruMa Gaiden #4)

Chapter 1: The Maou's Harem

Author: Takabayashi Tomo

Illustrator: Matsumoto Temari

Scans: Portrait of a Demon King

Chinese version: 魔王后宫 @ Skyfire

English translator: pyrrhic_victoly

Having a close parent-child relationship only lasts for a short time, for the ten or so years before middle school.

Shibuya "Jennifer" Miko - autobiography

In My Life, I Regret Nothing (to be continued)

If what my predecessor says is true, then Greta and I only have two or three years left in our harmonious father-daughter relationship.

On top of that, as a father, I'm always away on business because of my supernatural powers.  Because of this, I don't have the time to spend with her, doing "I love Daddy more than anyone in the world!" things.

That's why I've decided to try my best to do family activities with her.  They're also the types of activities that a ten year old girl would be able to do in school as well as with her family.

Like hiking, rookie competitions, going to the beach, kohaku^[1] song battles, lighting fireworks, camping in the fall, Christmas...  Christmas, that's not necessary, is it?  Actually, the two worlds' religious beliefs are different.

And then there's an activity that sports people aren't very good at: the cultural festival^[2].  Greta's still an elementary school student.  The cultural festival should just be a school festival.

I also have experience with these kinds of activities.  Things like the whole class putting on a play or singing in the auditorium, or a scavenger hunt in a classroom, are like a deluxe edition way of learning through observation.

After entering high school, the school will become a replica of a shopping district, and the goal will also turn into getting dates.  However, in elementary school, the goals are still very pure.  Whether they like it or not, most of the guests are the kids' guardians.  That is to say, the main purpose of this activity is to show off your daily school life and study achievements to Mom and Dad.

It's really too much.  You lose so much face that you start to wonder why in the world there would be an activity like this.

Especially in elementary school, fourth grade.  That year was the worst.  My role in the play was Pine Cone #1, but my parents were running on V8 engines in the auditorium, shouting with all their might, "Yuu-chan!  Yuu-chan!"

Faced with these kinds of conditions, I'd rather accept the torture of a thousand bat swings.  If it wasn't for the fact that I was a strong, healthy child who got full attendance awards, then I would have faked sick to get out of the performance.

But, as the saying goes, no matter how good you think you are, there's always someone out there that's better, so always strive for the best.

As I'm remembering my humiliation at the festival, relieved that it's over, Greta runs over to find me with an innocent smile on her face, and offers an even more brutal proposition.

"Parent-child musical...?"

"Yeah."

"That's where the guardians and children listen to a musical together...right?"

Sitting on my knee with her face towards me, Greta shakes her head.

"Although I don't think it's likely...is it an activity where the guardians and children stand on stage together?"

"Yes."

"Then that means it's Greta and...me?"

"Yes!"

What are you saying--?

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!  Greta, no matter if it's a school festival or a publisher's conference, isn't the point of it to let kids show their growth in front of their parents?  It shouldn't be for the parents to show off their singing ability!"

"No, Yuuri.  This is to show the child's growth, and also to show off the parents' growth."

So even guardians have to prove themselves?

Her slightly long reddish brown hair shakes as Greta's eyes shine and she says, "That's what Conrad said."

Damn you, Lord Weller.

Lord Conrart Weller, having lived for a while in the West on Earth, sometimes teaches Greta some random things.

Activities where parents have to participate are extremely rare in Japanese elementary schools.  He was probably wandering around America or England to come across such an activity.

Of course, he could have been in Canada or Mexico or Portugal or Argentina or the Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Region.

"But Greta, Shin Makoku doesn't have musicals!"

"No problem, Conrad already taught me what a 'musical' is."

Damn you, Lord Weller!

Because of numerous coincidences, this young girl became my daughter.  She cheerfully waves her darkly tanned arms and starts to list the songs she wants to perform.

"Yuuri, listen-- Greta thinks the song Warlock's Delivery Service^[3] is pretty good, but Anissina says men wouldn't know any magic--?  So I said, 'then lets do the more challenging Phantom of the Kabuki'^[4], but after Günter heard the story, he cried and said, 'That's too depressing!'"

"Uh...Greta, I find it really hard to stop talking when I have something to say, but when it comes to musicals..."

"Right, and then, I thought that even if the lead wasn't the female student in Constantine: Supernatural Prodigy^[5], it would be okay.  But this time Conrad said that this work comes from the demon world, and then he said the Courtesan King^[6] would be more suited for an adult audience and asked me what I thought--?  I never thought choosing a program for the performance would be so hard."

"Ah-- Greta, actually...for musicals I'm a little..."

"However!"

Slender arms wrapped around my neck, Greta's forehead is pressed to my shoulder.  Her hair gives off a nice floral scent, like sunny grasslands and flowers in full bloom.

"Actually, it doesn't matter what the song is; Greta likes them all.  As long as I can perform the musical together with Daddy, I'll sing anything!"

No!

Endlessly troubled, my eyebrows take on the shape of the character 'eight'^[7] as I'm screaming within my heart.

I have no musical talent I have no musical talent I have no musical talent.  Ah--!

Actually, I don't hate musicals.  During the compulsory education years^[8], my grades in music class were average, not good and not bad.  Listening to classical music doesn't give me headaches.  In middle school, I went with friends to sing karaoke.  Also, I've never drawn horns on a picture of Beethoven or put nose hairs on Bach.

But no matter how hard I work, I have no musical talent.  I don't understand how people who were just talking normally can have the ability to burst into song and dance.

Similarly, merging singing with background music and a plot to create an artistic performance, opera, is totally beyond me.

It's like the theory I use in my everyday life, "baseball players use baseball to decide victory or defeat".

Music with music, reciting lines with reciting lines.  Let's take the different forms of performance and split them very clearly.  Wouldn't that be great for both sides?

"I say... Greta, musicals aren't bad, but aren't regular dramas also very interesting?  Like I'll be a king, and you can be a princess.  Ah, that's not right.  That would be the same as our current status.  Anyway, musicals are a little..."

"Why?"

I should just tell her the truth: "Your father can't do musicals".

If I obey my daughter's wishes now, there will definitely be endless trouble later on.

However, if I take this time to firmly tell her that school festivals have to have regular plays, then Daddy can continue on to play Pine Cone #2.

In order to prevent her from becoming an arrogant and stubborn girl, childhood education is important.

For children to be spoiled too much, to grow up in an environment where they're not taught reality, is not a good thing.

My brother is the best example of this.  He's always been a genius, leading him to think that, even though he's obviously a resident of Saitama Prefecture, he's going to be the governor of Tokyo.

In conclusion, always giving in to a child's requests is not good for the child's education.

As long as I insist that "we're not performing a musical", Greta will give up on it.  Earthquakes, thunder, blacksmith Father...!  No, Father is not a blacksmith.  It should be that fires and fathers are both things to be feared.^[9]

"Listen well, Greta.  I don't want to perform a mu..."

"Can't wait can't wait can't wait--!  It's Greta's first time singing and dancing on stage!  Oh right, Yuuri, what does it feel like?  Will it be really nerve-wracking?  But, even if it is, Greta won't be afraid!"

Greta puts both of her hands on my shoulders, looking at me as I tilt my head down to meet her gaze.  Her reddish brown eyes filled with enthusiasm, she looks at me shyly.

"Because I'll be together with Daddy!"

Thud!

The first Shin Makoku school festival is huge and magnificent.

For me, I had hoped to invite only a few close friends and relatives to the event.

I had no idea that, at Lord Weller's suggestion, it would become a public performance with all the families with young children in the capital coming one after another to participate.

An event like this has probably never been held before, so seats in the auditorium sold out quickly.

It's not only Mazoku who are performing.

Right now, carrying his fall purchases, Hyscliff approaches with one foot forward.  Along with his beloved daughter Beatrice, they are guest performers of a song in Sir and I^[10], called "Monkey, Do You Dance?"  On the stage, he carries his head, shiny with sweat, with a dancer's poise, earning him hearty applause from the audience.

Some people are watching the von Voltaire family's private secretary, Miss Anpurin^[11], as she sobs while listening to West Inch Story^[12].  What on earth has moved her so much?

Günter is obviously not a family member, but he's partnered up with Rinji von Wincott, performing a scene in "Snow Günter, Chrysanthemum Günter".

The whole audience is weeping, moved to tears by the tale of Snow Günter, who has been mistreated by a cruel master, and Chrysanthemum Günter, the silent protector hiding in the shadows of the trees (one person playing two parts). 

If such a scene were to occur on Earth, there would definitely be a lot of "The entire nation is moved!  Extremely thrilling!" reviews.

"Apologies for the wait, ladies and gentlemen.  This happy occasion, Shin Makoku's first 'Singing Dancing Family Party', has finally arrived at the last performance.  The last act will be our Maou, His Majesty Yuuri, His Excellency Wolfram von Bielefelt, and Princess Greta in a musical filled with love and courage and excitement-- 'Through Wisconsin'^[13] from 'Alien vs. Predator'!  Please, Your Majesty, Your Highness the Princess, show us your talent!"

At Günter's Shinjuku^[14] theatre style announcement, the three of us leap up onto the stage.

"Attack intelligently, Predator!"

"Use strength in numbers to decide victory, Alien!"

"Humans are so troublesome!"

"Your skin seems very hard, Predator!"

"More goo, Alien!"

"To outer space for a big fight!"

Although the selection is one that, if asked, "Is this really a musical?" I wouldn't know how to respond, this is our lead actress Greta's wish, so there's nothing to be done about it.

I have no idea where she knows Alien from.  Unexpectedly, she asked me with a worshipful expression, "Who's stronger, Sigourney Weaver^[15] or Anissina?"

I really hope my answer doesn't affect her "list of people I want to be".

The only person who knows about "Predator" is me.

Therefore, writing the lines and music, the instructions, stage effects, model designs, research, etc., everything was done by me.

Even though I was Robert Rodriguez^[16] for this challenge, in the end I came to fully understand that I have no talent for these things.

Sure enough, the whole audience is getting up and booing.

I tried my best to hold back on the cruel feeling in the lyrics, but it looks like the guardians of the children aren't very pleased.

I can only see the audience all get up out of their seats at once, roaring up at the ceiling like animals, even cupping both hands around their mouths to yell.

This scene does not look like applause.  For us, the father-daughter pairs who are obviously just amateurs, but who gave it our all in this performance, this is really brutal treatment.

"I had no idea the entire audience would get up and boo at us..."

"It's really unexpected..." Wolfram says.

He's standing by Greta and I, who are feeling dejected.

Because he's wearing a helmet, his voice is muffled.

"It seems as if everyone is quite moved.  That's the 'I want to pass on this feeling to His Majesty Shinou' gesture."

"What did you say?  That's called being moved?  I thought they wanted a refund!  It looks like you can relax, Greta!  Our performance seems to have been a success!"

"Really?  Scary... Ha-- I thought we were doomed!"

I pick Greta up, rushing back on to the stage, where the audience is shouting for an encore.  The audience smiles and points at us, saying, "Your Majesty, behind you!  Look behind you!"

It turns out that we're being chased by Predator.

Backstage, there are fresh flowers everywhere.

The small green room is filled with bouquets of various kinds of brightly colored flowers, and also with the flowers' sweet fragrance.

"So pretty--"

"These are all for Greta, huh."

"Really?  Then can I bring them all back home?  Can I put these flowers in my room?"

"We'll get someone to help move them later."

I was preparing to stroke her soft curls, but the little girl's attention has already flown to the pile of gifts.

I'm sweating all over because I'm dressed in a costume that almost covers my entire body.  It's very difficult just taking off the alien's rubber headpiece.

As my face hits the open air, the warm sweat quickly dripping down from my hair, I finally realize how difficult it is to play the part of the monster.

The next time I go to the Tokyo Dome, I won't look to shake hands with actor playing the hero.  Instead, I'll shake hands with the villain.

"Haa--"

"What is it, Yuuri?  You look really tired."

Wolfram has only removed the upper half of his costume.  Even though he's been singing and dancing, he still looks relaxed.

Of course, that's also to be expected.  After all, being the greatest hunter in the universe, Predator's outfit must be much lighter than Alien's.

"We've only moved a little and you're already covered in sweat.  It's obvious that your regular exercise regimen is inadequate."

"My training, should be, more than, what, you do.  Wasn't it just that your part was easier?"

"What?  You're blaming our roles?  Whose swordsmanship is better?"

"Predator should be better."

"Since it's like that, then it's only right that I play this part."

"What you've said isn't wrong, but you..."

"The candidate for The Crimson Goddess."^[17]

Lord Wolfram von Bielefelt, in the short time that he was on stage, was skilled in three areas of performance.  Not only were his movements smooth, but his temperament was perfect and he even had the talent to draw in the audience's attention.

There's only one thing I didn't like about his performance as Predator.  As I'm about to point this out--

"May I come in?"

Knocking on the door a few times, Lord Weller peeks in.

"Conrad!"

Greta rushes over and pulls him into the room. 

Conrad first praises today's leading actress, then looks over at the half-dressed actors and says, "Your Majesty's performance was also wonderful.  The auditorium was filled with an intensity of feeling."

"Thank you for your words of praise... but Conrad, hear me out!  I've been completely deceived!  This guy is obviously a blond bombshell bishounen!  Why doesn't he have a clear and high boy's voice, but is instead really mature and manly sounding?!"

"Well, was Your Majesty anticipating a high voiced alien?  I'm sorry, I don't have Predator's data, and didn't know what his voice was like."

Predator's data?^[18]  The way he said it was ingenious.  I'm unable to tell if it's a cold joke or not.  However, Lord Weller continues to show his cheerful smile and says, "Don't you think that having a manlier voice gives more of a 'Predator is here!'^[19] feeling?"

"Waaah--!  I'm pretending not to hear it!"

There's no need to keep saying it!

"However, I regret that I'm not just here to joke around.  Please come in; no one's going to be angry."

Unreadable Conrad looks at me, whose pain never ends, with his head lowered.  He pushes the door open and calls in a small shadow.

The boy lifts up his head, his strawberry blond hair bobbing with this movement.

He looks to be about Greta's age, but if he's Mazoku, his real age will be more than that.

His appearance is neat; he's not wearing any accessories.  At a glance, I can tell that he's not one of the aristocratic or wealthy children who were performing in the auditorium.

"Who is he?" Greta stands on her tiptoes to ask.

Hearing others ask about him, the boy blushes in embarrassment and clears his throat.

"That..."

"He's a very enthusiastic fan.  His name is Pachiri.  He was listening to the performance through the back wall."

"That...p-performance was wonderful!"

The boy forcefully interrupts Conrad and presents the thing he was hiding behind his back.

"For Her Highness the princess!"

It's a white flower that can be found anywhere in the courtyard.  Although it's smaller than the flowers that fill up the room backstage, it's actually quite delicate and beautiful.

Seeing how the gift was given with sincerity, the leading actress is overjoyed.

"Why don't you put it in her hair?"

Knowing very well how little girls think, Lord Weller says these words with a professional smile.

"Un."

Pachiri, fingers shaking uncontrollably, puts the flower into the reddish brown hair.

"Look, look!  Isn't it pretty--?"

Greta walks back over to us with the white flower in her hair, slightly embarrassed.

She's very pretty, really very pretty.

Daughter, your two daddies' feelings are very complex.

Wolf is gripping the shotgun prop very tightly.  A vein is throbbing in his temples, almost completely ruining his pretty boy appearance.

Perhaps Pachiri gained some courage after giving her the flower.  He probably wants to win over the fathers, so this time he directs his speech toward us.  He might be using a little too much effort, because he's stuttering a bit.

"The song, was great!  I heard that Your Majesty personally wrote it.  I've never heard it before.  It's really, really, really, really good."

"Thanks."

Wolf and I raised our right hands at the same time.

Because we went into Daddy Mode at the exact same time, our response was quite cold.

"Since the song was so great, I memorized all of it.  I really memorized all of it!  When I'm out in the schoolyard, I'll definitely sing it to the younger kids!"

Then he closes his eyes, lifts his chin up a little, and starts singing a part from the song's climax.

It's the "more goo, Alien" part.

"Humans are so troublesome!  To outer space for a big fight!"

I was preparing to apologize for writing such idiotic lyrics, but his beautiful singing has rendered me speechless.

This is the beautiful tenor that I've been waiting for, the angelic sound that won't lose to the Vienna Boys' Choir.

I think I can see wings behind Pachiri's back.

Just listening to him makes my emotions flow with the song.

If he were to sing of his heart's sorrow, the audience would fall under that influence; if he were to sing a happy song, my heart would also be filled with happiness.  That's the type of feeling his singing gives.

"That was surprisingly great!  It's amazing how you have such a beautiful voice!  You sang really well!"

"Eh...  Your praise is too much.  I'm not...  I'm not that good."

"Don't be so modest.  What do you mean, 'not that good'?  Have you gotten professional training?  After having an instructor, your singing is outstanding."

"That is, may I ask...  What does an 'instructor' instruct?  My teacher is just the headmistress."

"Headmistress...  I get it; you're a student at a famous music conservatory, right?  So that means you're either going to sing operas or musicals?  Damn, it's too bad this country doesn't have a place like Broadway.  I'd go with you and sign you up for it right away."

"Your Majesty."

I'm really excited, and Conrad has to calm me down before he can correct me.

"Pachiri hasn't had any special music lessons.  He lives in the orphanage just outside the castle walls.  I remember that all the children there are looked after by the headmistress alone."

"Orphanage?"

"Yes."

"If it's an orphanage, then your teacher is like a family member...  So that's how it is.  No wonder you aren't studying at a conservatory.  I'm sorry, I shouldn't have blurted out those wild guesses."

I'm so thoughtless.  My mood just went from high and excited all the way down to the bottom of a valley.  To the two children, I'm just an embarrassing guardian.

Greta keeps looking over at the boy and me, then asks Pachiri with a slightly stiff tone, "Your dad and mom aren't here anymore?"

"That's right."

He awkwardly grips his hands behind his back.

"Since you don't have any family, are you lonely?"

"No."

He tilts his head, then repeats his response.  "No.  I have lots of friends at the orphanage, and there are also lots of kids who are younger than me.  We get along really well, just like real siblings.  The headmistress says we're actually very lucky, and I think so, too.  She said that during the war, no one was willing to help orphans.  But kids born after the war have things to eat and a place to live.  Also, starting this year, we're getting a lot more money from the government, so there's even time to teach the younger kids how to read.  The headmistress is happy, and I'm happy."

Pachiri delivers these words all with one breath until his face turns red, then he looks at me with shining eyes.

"Thank you, Your Majesty!"

"Ah, I haven't done anything..."

I'm the one who should feel embarrassed.  I stare down at the floor, but there's only my brown, goo-covered feet in that direction.

I did look over the budget request once, and made a big fuss over looking after the people's standards of living and education.  I also made an unreasonable decree: "It's fine if we don't paint the walls with gold leaf.  Use that money to establish a compulsory education system."

But the person who calculated the expenses, raised funds, and carried out the writing and implementation of the detailed policy wasn't me.

It was Lord von Voltaire and Lord von Kleist.

The person accepting your heartfelt thanks right now is a man who only knows how to make a big fuss.  Knowing this makes it impossible for me not to lower my head in shame.

If I'd known earlier that I'd be too ashamed to show my face, then I wouldn't have used the excuse of being "unfamiliar with government administration" to push all the work onto my aides back then.  At the very least, it's only right that I should be the one to complete my own proposals.

The boy hasn't noticed my regret.  He's talking with Greta and Wolfram about "family" things, even proudly talking about his "siblings".

"A few years ago, our work kept us busier than our studies.  I never thought we'd have time every day to learn writing and math.  The older kids, like me, are also sometimes responsible for teaching the younger kids.  They learn really fast; they're really smart."

"You said 'work'.  What did you do?"  Greta, who has never left the castle, asks.  Lord Weller responds to Greta's question in his place.

"In order to receive government funds for operation, the orphanage makes bread and cheese and other long-lasting rations for the soldiers, and they regularly deliver these to the castle.  Pachiri was pushing his cart on the way back to the orphanage.  Fortunately, he passed by the theatre."

"We just make dried meat and fish, and there are also foods like dried vegetables that return to their normal size after soaking in water.  The headmistress is the one who makes the preserved food...  I think Your Majesty...hasn't seen this type of food before?"

"I know about it.  It's similar to dried mackerel and frozen dehydrated cabbage, right?  I've not only seem them, but I've also eaten them before."

"Really?"

Then I suddenly saw the light.  The things that I've eaten might not have been made here, but every time I open a cup of instant ramen it's just like the foods he describes.

"They're really convenient."

As soon as I think of pouring hot water on the vegetables, as well as on the miso soup and the noodles, my suppressed hunger involuntarily makes itself known.  I didn't even eat lunch before the performance.

Because Greta was leaning her whole body against me, I didn't notice that she had turned her head around to look at me unhappily.

"...Hate them."  She stomps her foot as she scornfully says, "Greta hates dried vegetables and meat the most!"

"Hey, you can't say that."  I quickly grab her shoulder, but it's too late and she can't take back her words.

"Is that so?"  Pachiri is suddenly depressed.  He lowers his head like a withered flower.

She would normally never say such cruel words.  What kind of bad experience did Greta have?

Well, I can't verify it now.  I have to hurry to pull the topic back.

"But you're really great!  You're so young, and you're already working and studying at the same time.  Since you're so talented, would you like to try for a scholarship to enter a specialty school?  I bet your grades in music are really good."

"Grades?"

The boy asks me as if it's his first time hearing the noun.  Now I realize that our conversation is never going to match up.

"I was referring to the grades you get in school.  If they're not bad, then it's possible for the school authorities to write you letters of recommendation.  Uh...your teacher, and in the music class..."

Wolfram shifts a bit.

Though I don't know why, his face is getting more and more disgusted.

Conrad saw his restless little brother, and started speaking to resolve my problem.

"He hasn't had any music lessons."

"Whoa, he hasn't?"

"Only children of wealthy merchants and the nobility receive higher education.  They are the only ones who will have lessons in artistic subjects.  Schools for ordinary children would not have the fine arts in their curriculum."

"Right-- I didn't know that."

So they don't have things like Japanese elementary and middle schools, where students have choir practice.  They don't learn "Little Brown Jug" or "Neko Funjatta"^[20].

"Language and math are more important."

"That's true, but...  This way, won't it influence the what's it called... the knowledge, strength, quantity, and quality of art education?"

It's true that language and math have practical applications and are very important, but I looked at a newspaper recently, and it had an article that said, "childhood music education has a large influence in promoting brain development".  And also, also...

"Get over here."

"It hurts!  Ow, ow!  Stop it, Wolfram!"

Perhaps the more I say, the angrier he gets.  Driven beyond the limits of his patience, Wolfram angrily grabs my ear and drags me to the corner of the room.

"Don't do that; it really hurts!"

"Listen clearly, Yuuri.  Even if you're cracking jokes in front of the commoners, there's a limit!"

"When was I joking?"

"Didn't you just say it?  That you want to let him study music?  What a joke.  Are you going to be just like before, doing whatever you feel like, and establishing another troublesome system?"

"I haven't just done whatever I felt like.  The way you speak of it is out of line," I mutter in disappointment.

I thought I did well; I didn't think the proposal would be so easily dismissed by other people.

"Listen up.  If it wasn't for the fact that the new king wanted to establish an elementary school, the commoners wouldn't even need to accept any education.  It's enough that children loitering around the street corners learn the vocational skills necessary for work.  Those who don't want to inherit the family property, or those who truly want to receive education, can join the military academy.  The people have always been living like this, and there haven't been any problems.  It's only you who's been saying, 'compulsory education, compulsory education'.  That's the only reason we're giving away free education to the children too young for employment!"

"What you say may be true."

The atmosphere is getting weirder and weirder.

It's not only his expression.  Even his eyes, which are usually emerald green, have become a dark green, indicating that he's about to explode with rage.

"Just building the school and hiring teachers cost a lot of money!  You said even the villages should be places where one can receive primary education, isn't that right?  Moreover, the entire nation has to carry this out together.  Do you have any idea how much stress you put on my older brother?  All of this is because you're such a strong advocate of letting the commoners learn how to read, learn how to write, and raise their computational capabilities!"

"Wolf..."

"And now it's like this.  It's not enough to let the commoners learn language and math, but now you want to let them learn art which they can't apply to their daily lives?  Learning to sing can come from listening to the parents sing.  Dancing can be acquired naturally by participating in rites and ceremonies.  Do you really think it's necessary to use national funds to let those below us learn these things?"

"Wolf!"

"What?  Are you thinking of refuting this?"

Of course I am.

I was just introspecting on how I shouldn't make other people work on my policies.  In order not to make the same mistake again, I thought I needed to look into this more, and present the proposal only after I had prepared a plan that I could personally see carried out.

So I now have a rebuttal, even if it's only aimed at admonishing him for his way of thinking.

I hold up both hands in front of my chest, trying my best to keep my emotions in check.

"Your view seems full of discrimination."

"What did you say?  When was I being discriminatory?"

"All right, all right, you can stop the lover's spat now!"

My most beloved daughter changes the topic away from the explosive situation just in time.  But what "lover's spat"?

"You're wrong, Greta.  We weren't fighting."

Who was it?  Who taught my daughter such a strange noun?

"That...  I'm sorry."

When I turned back, I discovered Pachiri standing by the doorway with his face drained of color.

"I'm really sorry.  If it was something I said that was disrespectful...then..."

Lord Weller kneels down, putting them at just the right height to meet eye to eye, and comforts him in a gentle voice.

I only see the kid lightly nod in response, but tears keep streaming down his cheeks.

As soon as Wolfram and I see this scene, we hurry to comfort him as well.

"Ah!  You've misunderstood, Pachiri!  You haven't said anything disrespectful!"

"That's right, I must thank you for giving the flower to Greta!"

We're not even mad about the intimate behavior you showed toward our precious daughter.  That's right, there's nothing for us to be angry about.

"Thank you for coming to see our performance.  Next time, if we have another school festival, we'll prepare a seat for you in the audience."

When the red-eyed boy nodded happily--

"Your Majesty--!"

"Oh, no.  It's Günter."

From the far end of the hall, Lord von Kleist and the spectators scream together.

Presumably, his beautiful gray hair is now moving parallel with the ground as he charges over at a fierce speed.

"He must be done with his managerial duties by now.  This sucks.  If he finds me, he'll definitely harass me with a hug, caress my face, cover my whole body with Günter juice."

And that's not all it takes to settle things.

I'll also be forced to listen to him praise His Majesty the Maou's beauty and intelligence, and this will take at least two hours!

His praise makes me so embarrassed that I could die.  For me, speaking of those things is like torture.

"Your Majesty, if you want to leave before Günter catches you..."  Conrad, who understands the way I think, winks at me and points to the door, saying, "Then you'll have to quickly take off the costume."

"Okay, I'll get it off in ten seconds!  Greta, help me pull."

"Un!"

Pachiri lifts his head.  Even his speaking voice is a high boy's voice.  "I know a shortcut that leads to the castle!"

"That's great.  Then we'll have to trouble you to show us the way.  Thank you, Pachiri."

"No, it's nothing."

Less than a minute later, Lord von Kleist arrives in the backstage room where we fled in a hurry.

"Ah!  This is bad!  He's shed his shell, the outer covering!  How, Your Majesty?  How have you become a molted shell?"

According to the news I received afterward, Günter was not the only person in the green room at the time.

A creature with eight eyes was in the flowers, gleaming eyes filled with envy, watching our motions from beginning to end.

The horrible sounds echo through the castle halls.  It happened after I, who steadfastly keeps to an early to bed, early to rise schedule, had fallen into a deep sleep.

"Hoot!  Ding!  Dong!  Huuuooorrrreeengooooohh!"

I wake up scared and jump up, wanting to cry.  It's like the frighting yells of a wild beast.  "Ah, what's the matter?  What strange sound was that?  Was it a baboon, or has Tarzan come?"

"The noise is coming from Greta's room!"  Wolfram's voice almost makes me roll off the bed in shock.

"Greta's room?"

There are only two reactions for this.  Rolling off the bed represents the angry and frightened response, "What did you say?  My precious daughter is in serious trouble right now!"  Adding a little bit of suspicion, it was like the sound of a dying Hibagon^[21].  Was that really Greta's voice?

But as I run up to Greta's room out of breath, I'm faced with an unexpected development.

"Are you okay, Gr..."

I can't even get out the first syllable of her name.

The entire room is in a miserable condition, like the set of a horror movie.

I haven't even had time to finish the sentence, "Are you okay, Greta?" before I see her body, dressed in light blue pajamas.  Her arms are crossed in front of her as she stands on the bed with an extremely self-satisfied expression.  She's panting, but no matter how I look at it, she doesn't seem to have been attacked.

"What are you doing...  No, what happened here?"

My hand is resting on the open door.  I've already been scared stiff.

Wolfram's nightgown almost slipped off.

"It was a spider!  A giant spider was attacking!"

"No, wait a minute, it could also have been a moth larva.  They'll also spit a huge, scary ball of silk at people."

In front of me is an area that looks like an alien's nesting ground.  All around, the walls are covered in web-like silk.

Coming down from all four corners of the ceiling are also prey covered in tenacious hanging strands of silk.  That should be the food for the baby aliens.

"F-food?"

"Ah!  Yuuri, Wolf!"

Oh no, we've been found!

No, that's not right.  It's just that Greta spotted us and jumped down from the bed.  And she even thumped her perfect little head on my belly.

"Aww...s-super cute.  No, no, now's not the time to talk about that.  Greta, where did this stuff come from?  It was thieves who actually dared to sneak into a little girl's room in the middle of the night!  As a father, I could wring their their necks three times and it wouldn't be enough!  Are you okay, Greta?  Are you hurt?  How much stuff did we lose?  Oh!  What happened to this room's guard?"

"There hasn't been a report of an invasion... Ah!"

Conrad hurries over with several soldiers in tow.  Upon seeing the terrible condition of the room, he couldn't help but marvel at it.

"It has an artistic feel to it.  Did Greta make this trap?"

"Trap?"

Hearing Conrad's praise, Greta lightly jumps back on the bed.

"Aren't I really fierce?  Awesome!  As long as they meet the Trap Girl Greta, all evil people will end up with the same fate!"

"Trap...Girl...Gre...  Wait a minute.  Greta.  Explain from the beginning.  What's this about a Trap Girl Greta?  Daddy doesn't remember raising such a child!"

"It's because..."

The ten year old girl puffs out her cheeks resentfully.  She grabs my hand and starts explaining nonstop.

"Because Greta doesn't have magic.  I can't become the Poison Lady like Anissina!  But traps don't need magic, so I thought I'd better become Trap Girl Greta!"

"In the future, please don't decide to do something so scary all by yourself, okay?"

Anissina...  Why does it have something to do with Lady Anissina again?

"I heard that."

As if hearing my innermost thoughts, Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff nimbly steps forward.  "What happened?  The agonizing cries^[22] made the psychology lab's 'Sympathy-kun' react with excessive sympathy, and it even filled up with tears.  Ah!"

The Red Devil who strikes fear into the hearts of Shin Makoku's men, the Poison Lady Anissina, lifts up the corners of her beautiful lips into a confident smile.

"It was a great trap.  You must have looked through my collection of books, A Woman's Trap, Awful Demonic Silk Threads for Trapping Men, At the End of Love and Desire There Awaits a Billionaire?  Or Steamy Hell?  Isn't that right?"

"No way, the title and the contents are too different..."

No matter what time it is, Anissina always appears full of energy.

Her sky blue eyes are always shining with knowledge and curiosity.  With her hands are clasped in front, she stands leaning back with her head tilted up, which makes her petite figure look very dignified.  Her red hair rests at her back, and she's also wearing what looks to be a very warm long dress.

To her, this isn't sleepwear, but rather an outfit for late night experimentation.

"Anyway, who are these people?  Since no one has stormed the castle, they must be people from within the castle!"

Wolfram unsheathes his sword, grips it tightly, and slices down one of the bundles hanging in the middle of the room.  He's wearing a cream colored nightgown and holding a longsword; that type of appearance totally doesn't match up.  This time, the body, which I doubt is human, has started to struggle.

"Ack--"

"Why don't you let them down, Greta.  They can't fight back in this condition." 

After hearing me speak, Greta immediately begins to look embarrassed.  She hunches in a bit and says, "But Greta is a novice Trap Girl.  I don't know how to release the prey yet."

She isn't even done speaking when Anissina takes up a large pair of shears and cuts down the webs.  Each captured prey lets out a muffled thump as it falls to the ground.  I guess there's no need for a special technique.

The guards finally get the hint and start following her lead.  I only see four of the things fall to the ground one after another.

Only as they removed the trap covering the entire bodies are we able to get a look at the faces.

"I've never seen these guys before.  Wolfram, you recognize them?"

"I don't recall..."

"Outsiders don't never have no kindness.  Bah!  Bah!  Bah!"

One of the four people spits out his mouthful of silk, and it's only with great difficulty that he can get out these words for everyone to hear.  In the blink of an eye, he had evolved from prey to a human being.

"It's no surprise that you don't recognize us.  It's because we've always been hiding in Blood Pledge Castle, so we haven't had any contact with the outside world."

The intruder who was speaking seems to have finally noticed me standing with Greta.  At once, he peels off the rest of the trap stuck to his body.

"Your Majesty!  Ah, Your Majesty the new king!  How can this be?  I never meant for you to meet me while I was wrapped up like an eggroll!  Ah, please don't look.  I beg of you not to look upon this ugly caterpillar!"

He's crying as his body sways with pain, and then he molts out of his covering.

As for the other three still lying on the ground, they also start to wriggle similarly while shedding their skin.

The four muscular, half-naked men struggle to get out of the trap.  Their hair colors are gold, platinum, brown, and purple, respectively, but their uniforms are all the same.

No, their clothes are too stupid to be called uniforms.

Because their uniforms...are just huge muscles, white poofy pants, and little bow ties.

Also, their skin is unnaturally glossy.

"If I had known our prey were muscular... and half-naked men wearing bow ties, I would have left them all rolled up."

"No, Greta!  Don't look or you'll hurt your eyes!"

The four men don't pay any attention to Wolfram and me.  They start getting into position to introduce themselves.

Once the four of them are lined up properly, it looks like the letter N, and it seems as if each person's spot has already been predetermined.

The leader, the one wearing a light yellow bow tie, snaps his fingers and they all start marching in place.  Presumably, that was their secret signal.

In my mind, I give them the caption, "And now for today's musical number."

"Our wonderful bodies, reborn under the desert sky, are made to please His Majesty the Maou.  We devote our lives to His Majesty.  If not us, then who?!"

"Chungachungachungachung--"

"Shout to the heavens, to Earth, to man, and summon me.  With hard work and skill, I will protect His Majesty the Maou's good fortune."

"The five of us together are the 'Crazy Hunky Manservant Corps?'!"

Ending it in the form of a question seems inadequate.

For all of them, after they finished speaking their lines, there would also be a huge explosion.

The air in the room is really bad now.

"By the way, the fifth member is out because he pulled a muscle."

"We asked him to rest up and take care...  Wait, why am I talking about him?  That has nothing to do with introducing myself!"

"Ah--  Really, it's pointless to keep speaking.  Quickly, round them all up and throw them in jail!"  Wolfram, who was already angry at having to get out of bed, got even angrier than me.

"P-please wait, wait!  We beg of you to listen to our story!"

"In that case, don't talk about whatever corps, just state your name and rank.  Also, no more choreographed movements.  Unless you love your own muscles that much?  Or you're deliberately trying to provoke me into feeling inferior, therefore forcing me to punish you, huh?"

"Nonononono, no it's not like that!  It's really not like that!"

The man with the yellow bow tie waves his hands in denial; his dark gold hair gently shakes along with it.

All of them have mushroom hair.  Strangely, I care very much about this.

"We came from deep within Blood Pledge Castle, from behind a rarely used corridor, to greet the new His Majesty the Maou.  We also came because we are proud of the faces and bodies of the 'Crazy Hunky Manservant Corps?'.  We embrace the idea of 'Perhaps We're Very Handsome?' so we took on this name."

The brunet with the blue bow tie adds, "I'm Blue Crazy Hunk Glenn!"

Ta da!

The man with the light blond hair and red bow tie says, "I myself am Red Crazy Hunk Monore!"

Ta da da da--!  We just told you not to do those explosive poses.  Anyway, there's this small matter of no importance, but I found out that this man's nipples are crooked.

Next is the man with the orange bow tie.  "Oh, it's Ou's turn!  Ou is a Crazy Hunk!"

I really want to say, "There's no way that there could be a guy speaking Kansai-ben^[23] in a fantasy world!"  Leaving that aside, the thing that's making me feel uneasy about them is that their names aren't unified at all.

Last is their polite leader.  He pulls at his yellow bow tie and says, "And I am the exploding mayonnaise blossom, Mayo.  Yes, Your Majesty, the weather's getting warmer and warmer.  Soon, it will be Your Majesty's season."

Mayo, who's in the lead, seems to want to direct the rest of them.

"Today, in order to show off our performance skills, we have come from far away to Her Highness the Princess's room.  Peroperopero!"

As soon as he finishes speaking, he places his hand next to his mouth and an endless stream of playing cards comes flying out.

Greta quickly dodges to the side, giving a response appropriate for a young girl.  "Eew-- Gross!"

"I wanted to use that new magic to please everyone..."

Honestly, I feel really awkward.

Because I've already seen that kind of stuff on television, and anyway, Lady Anissina could probably come up with magic that's a lot more frightening.

Wolfram has managed to suppress his anger at having been woken up, and is preparing to return to sleep in his standing position.

The guys keep trying to flex their muscles into making everybody applaud.  Although they're not scaring anyone, they're not getting the applause they want.

I tilt my head in confusion, and discover that the always calm and collected Lord Weller unexpectedly has his mouth half open in surprise.

"C-Conrad?"

It looks like I'll have to change my previous evaluation of him.

"Awooawooawoo, didn't everyone think that was interesting?  What was that?  It was magic, magnificent magic!"

Apparently, within the 'Crazy Hunky Manservant Corps?', the performance duties are relegated only to the one with the cream-colored bow tie, Mayo.  The other three are just there to stand behind him while flexing their muscles and singing "la la la~", probably in an attempt to provide background music.

At this time, Mayo gave a great big cheer and brought his hands together in a clap.  "Come on, Mayo.  Come on, Mayo...  Come on, Mayo!"

I'm only able to see a small flame burst out before the whole room is filled with beige-colored smoke.

As the smog gradually dissipates, I see that there's still a gray body left stuck on the ceiling from the Trap Girl's masterpiece, and it's wriggling.

"Aaaah!"

"Hey, what....ah!"

Greta shouts loudly; I'm so scared that I shout, too.

Wrapped up in many layers of silk are three gigantic spiders.

Its abdomen is about as big as a man's head, and with its eight bristly legs, it nimbly scuttles into the corner.

I desperately hold onto Greta, who's standing on the bed, reaching out to touch them.  After all, they're basketball-sized spiders.  No matter what, she can't just casually touch them.

"Stop, Greta!  It's dangerous to reach out like that.  What if you get bitten?"

"How could they bite me?  They're not poisonous, they're bat bristle crabs."

"Bat bristle...uh, crabs?  That's not right.  No matter how you look at them, aren't they super huge wolf spiders?"

"No way.  It's a bat bristle crab.  It's really rare to see them outside of the forest.  So amazing--!  Where did these come from?"

Finally succeeding with his difficult performance, the man with the bow tie smiles brightly at the princess.  "I haven't used any secret techniques or tricks.  Because it's wonderful magic."

"But the other three people have disappeared.  It really makes you wonder."  Lady Anissina's callous voice frightens Mayo until he's trembling uncontrollably.

Conrad and I also have a bad feeling about this, so we look all around the room.

I can't find them.  They were just here, Red, Blue, and Orange, and now there's no sign of them.

"Mayo, you wouldn't have used alchem...wah!"

"Yuuri, that phrase is never to be spoken!" 

Wolfram, who had dozed off, suddenly wakes up to slam his hand over my mouth.  He probably was choked awake by the smoke.

"Nonononono, Your Majesty, Your Excellency, this isn't anything dangerous.  Actually, our performance is thought up specifically to please Your Majesty the Maou.  We've practiced many times to be able to use this skill.  It isn't anything that should worry you."

However, the sound of the brass bed frame breaking interrupts Mayo's speech.

With her long, fiery red hair thrown over her shoulder, Anissina crosses her hands over her chest.  She straightens her back minutely and levels a fearless smile at the man with the bow tie.  "Stop it with the idle chatter."

Lady Anissina kicks the wall behind her with the heel of her sharp-toed boots, and it immediately smashed through and made a hole in the wall.  I had originally planned to pretend not to see that, but the impact shakes up to the ceiling and the bat bristle crabs fall down one by one.

"Well."

Astonishingly, as soon as those gray things touched the floor, they vanished, leaving only a bunch of men in poofy pants writhing on the ground.

Could it be that we all just saw an illusion?

"I hadn't thought that you would use smoke to induce collective hypnosis.  That's rather arrogant.  Looks like you have some experience with poisonous substances, huh."

Only when I heard "poisonous substances" did I notice that my throat suddenly hurt a lot, and I feel like I want to cough, but I can't.

"Don't worry, everyone!  It's just part of the equipment to develop the magic!"

The mad scientist, Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff, pulls out a piece of flag-like cloth that was tucked into her chest.  She swings it around, making a 'patapata' sound.

"I just have to use this magic air purifier, 'Forever Clean Machine'^[24], and it will put the smoke to good use as well as dispel the collective hypnosis.  What's wrong, Mayo?  You can only fool an average toxicologist.  In the end, you won't be able to compare to me, the Poison Lady, who has studied this to the point of perfection."

"Ha, haha--  Of course."

Seeing their leader horribly defeated(?) in front of their eyes, the three other guys sit down and begin to sob.

With victory all hers, the insufferably arrogant Lady Anissina waves her flag while interrogating the men.  "You said that you were from deep within Blood Pledge Castle, from behind a corridor that few people ever visit?"

They nod.

"So this group of crazy men..."

They nod.

"Is from the Maou Oku?"

Ta da da da--!  This is really an appropriate opportunity for a choreographed explosion.

Maou Oku...  What a strange name.  Although I'm supposed to be the master of Blood Pledge Castle, I only know about as much as Greta.  There are many things I don't know here, and also many names of places I'm only hearing for the first time.

"Conrad, what's the Maou Oku?"  I don't want anyone else to find out about my ignorance, so I whisper, but unfortunately I don't get the desired result.

"Actually, I'm not very clear on that, either.  I think...Günter would know about it."

"Ah, Günter would know.  Anyway, what happened to Günter?  It's really weird.  Something this big is happening, and Günter's always foaming at the mouth to catch up to us, but he isn't here."

Lady Anissina, who was waving her flag with pride, suddenly looks like she's just remembered something and puts her finger to her lip.  "Oh, oops!  How could I be so forgetful?  I left Lord von Voltaire tied up on the merman exercise machine, 'Little Carp-kun' and ran over here.  It's about time I went back to let him out, otherwise if he uses it for too long, he might sprain his hips from all the twisting and shaking."

What's this "Maou Oku"?

It's for the Maou to seek entertainment and cure his weariness, because although he holds an incomparably high position, he cannot leave the castle.  At times, it's also to satisfy his nightly passions, and because it's located deep within Blood Pledge Castle, outsiders cannot enter.  It's a secret place; a midnight garden exclusively for the Maou.

Besides the Maou, no one else can enter.  In addition, it's said that the people who take care of the place all wholeheartedly adore His Majesty the Maou and have pledged their body and mind to him.

Mayo clasps his hands over his stomach and says as if he's in a dream, "It's heaven on earth, the Maou Oku."

"But the thing is, no matter how much I hear it, it still sounds like some sort of job."^[25]

Greta lies down with her head on my knee.  She's fallen asleep.

Lady Anissina rushes back from attending to her magical exercise machine.  "That takes care of it.  If the Maou is out prowling the streets every night, playing until dawn, that would cause many problems.  That's why this exclusive playground for the Maou was established.  In other words, this ōoku where the Maou doesn't have to worry about selecting a companion."

(Meanwhile, it looked like Gwendal really had sprained his hip.  Lady Anissina smiled and said, "But don't worry, I have this special machine that will cure you, 'Sparkling Fish'^[26].)

"Ōoku...  In Japanese, that would be '大奥'...  That is to say, it's a HAREM?^[27]  Wait a minute?  The Maou definitely has a harem?  In other words, this 'Maou Oku' place is filled with the beautiful women that past Maous have gathered?  Or were they really picky?"

Thinking about that, my entire mind is overwhelmed by sexy daydreams.

I never thought that the scenarios in my older brother's favorite bishoujo games would be reenacted in Blood Pledge Castle.

Girls in various outfits from different time periods, all looking after the Maou.  There's a girl in a swimsuit, and one in a sailor fuku.

Ah!  I'm the Maou!  Rejoice!  Yeah, it's good to be the Maou.  I really want to shout out, "Long live the Maou's harem!" and then run around in celebration on the roof of the castle.

On the other hand, the two people who know the secret about their mother are crouched in a corner, looking very sorrowful.

They're having a long talk right now; holding a meeting between brothers.

Even if they feel bad being surrounded by these muscular guys, there's no need to get so depressed, is there?

"Mayo, what do you guys do in this 'Maou Oku'?"

"Since we're entertainers, we sing and dance, put on plays and perform magic, etc.  Our job is to continuously improve each aspect of performance in order to please Your Majesty the Maou.  Yes, yes.  Also, musicals such as the one you performed today with Her Highness the Princess are also our specialty."

"To...  To outer space for a big fight..."  Greta talks in her sleep as she sprawls over my knee.

"If it's to the Maou's liking, we will learn to perform it no matter what.  That is our duty.  Actually, the Maou's Ōoku is a place for Your Majesty when you are weary from official duties."

"So it's like a place to relax, wind down?"

The four men nod, their mushroom heads swaying in tandem.  Tomorrow night I'm definitely going to have dreams about mushrooms.

"But..."  The mushrooms lower their heads all at once.  "But since that first day, the Maou has not come in."

"Could it be that we've become tiresome?"

"I fear it's due to the success of her Free and Easy Quest for Love," Anissina says as she inspects the wall, collecting pieces of the broken stones around the vicinity of the hole--  The hole that she obviously created. 

The four mushroom men get into a formation with their hands on their knees.  "No matter what, we performers must maintain our beautiful appearances.  Otherwise, our guest Your Majesty the Maou won't support us, and we would be rehearsing for nothing if we could never take the stage.  For performers like us, it would be a fate worse than death."

So they're dissatisfied with never getting to go on stage?

If I think of it as waiting for baseball season to begin...

It's really very painful.

But even though I'm a huge fan, and I'll feel really impatient, it's got to be a lot more painful for the players themselves.

"After asking about the situation outside, we heard that the previous Maou had abdicated, and Your Majesty had taken office.  Therefore, we decided to invite the new king to the Maou Oku."

"Un!"

"That's why we crossed the deserted corridor!  We only wished to meet the new His Majesty the Maou!"

"Un, un!"

The responses are getting more and more powerful.

"We hoped that Your Majesty would come see the performance that we worked so hard to rehearse; we awaited Your Majesty's decision concerning the Maou oku.  So we first slipped into Her Highness the Princess's room.  We recreated the musical from this morning, hoping that we would please Her Highness the Princess enough that she would introduce us to Your Majesty.  It was for this reason that we wore our finest costumes, these pure white poofy pants!"

I don't agree with their fashion sense.

"The poofy pants don't have enough impact on their own."

"Yeah!  Uh...what?  What are you saying, Anissina?  I was really scared!"

"But Your Majesty, what if they weren't wearing poofy pants?  What if, while on stage, they were wearing thong underwear just like Your Majesty's?  Please take a moment to imagine it."

I try to imagine what they would look like in thong underwear.

"Arrest them immediately!"

So much destructive power.

They walk through the dimly lit halls in a line.

Because I accepted Mayo and his friends' request, I'll be going to visit the Maou Oku for the first time since ascending to the throne.

I left Greta asleep on her bed since she's not allowed to stay up late.  However, I have no idea what they decided on in the meeting between brothers because Conrad and Wolfram didn't explain anything to me before they both started following me.

That place is supposed to be for the Maou only and no one else is permitted to enter, but since they're both sons of the former Maou, I'm sure it'll be okay.  As for Anissina, her proposal was, "As long as we don't provoke 'Harem-sama^[28]', there shouldn't be a problem".

Harem-sama... should be the steward of the whole place.

I'm not a little kid anymore, so of course I know how to show respect to authority figures.

The corridors we pass through are narrow and dim, but not dangerous.  We arrive at the entrance to the Maou Oku.  The entrance is just a regular door; no one would expect that there's some sort of garden behind that door.

With firm resolve, I nod to my friends and push open the door.

In the midst of the torrents of sound and light, all I can see is a horde of musclemen wearing different colored poofy pants and bow ties, the "official uniform".  They all speak in one voice, calling out to me, "Welcome, Your Majesty!  We are honored by your presence!  Demonic Musclemen, Demonic Musclemen!"

In an instant, it's like the ground beneath me has suddenly vanished

and I'm falling.  And my blood pressure drops quickly as the blood drains

out of my face, fingertips, and brain.

"So... So that's what it is..."

So the Maou Oku was an abbreviation for Demonic Musclemen...?^[29]