Dealing with Grief During Covid-19

Disenfranchised grief is a term that was coined by Dr. Ken Doka, a licensed mental health counselor and expert in grief. He defines disenfranchised grief as, “Grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, socially sanctioned or publicly mourned." This list of examples is long, but there is a danger for losses experienced in the time of Covid-19 to be disenfranchised. Whether because people are too busy to acknowledge what you might be feeling, or because they are feeling too much themselves to assist you.

Anticipatory grief refers to a feeling of grief occurring before an impending loss. Typically, the impending loss is the death of someone close due to illness, but you may be feeling it if someone you love is sick – or you're worried about them becoming sick while you're physically distanced from them. Anticipatory grief can feel as big as regular grief.

Your feelings are valid, important, and real – and there are supports available for dealing with them. Sometimes learning that what you’re feeling is grief and that it’s normal can be helpful.

This guide was specifically developed to address concerns regarding grief during the Covid-19 pandemic. If you are struggling with legal or employment issues, childcare, housing or food insecurity, workers compensation, paying medical or utility bills, substance use disorders, mutual aid resources, or other concerns, check out this Philadelphia Covid Resource Guide or HATIWG’s Philly/PA Specific Covid-19 Mutual Aid Resources.

If you have a suggestion for this list, please email phillydeathdoulas@gmail.com.

Covid-19 Social Contact Restrictions

When You Can't Be with a Dying Family Member
https://whatsyourgrief.com/cant-be-with-a-dying-family-member/

10 Ideas for Funerals and Memorials When You Can't Be Together
https://whatsyourgrief.com/funerals-when-you-cant-be-together/

How to Livestream a Funeral or Memorial Service
https://whatsyourgrief.com/how-to-live-stream-a-funeral/

Order of the Good Death Covid-19 Toolkit: includes information on funerals & dying in absentia, burials & funerals under Covid-19, talking about death, etc. Resources in other languages.
http://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/covid-19-toolkit?fbclid=IwAR1OpYfVeRie-h0szSxlcRNoVcTVdUjVjlvVY-K-hhL0hoBbC_rKzhazDMo

Funerals & End of Life Planning
http://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/resources/funeral-end-life-planning?fbclid=IwAR0GQwsZyF5Utdatt9fd_YB24bsKBv7MkXDQ8Rhlzy48RF89vmfv_nXZOM0

Jewish Grief and Mourning during the Covid-19 Coronavirus Pandemic
https://www.shiva.com/learning-center/coping/jewish-grief-and-mourning-during-the-covid-19-coronavirus-pandemic/

Pandemic Resources for Families Facing End of Life
https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/pandemic-resources.html?fbclid=IwAR3QMZi_RnsZKjuRZ9q89-ieX2oURO1Bbyes9oyVOIY241zDsj6XwTPdKR8

Death in the Time of Pandemic
https://www.oregonfuneral.org/pandemic_care_guide.html?fbclid=IwAR3lwdpy3mbdnxgtG49WD5hL2RN9zdZaFgG-6OqLHTdDRanF9qqPhNrO59w

Dying at Home During a Pandemic
https://asacredpassing.org/resources?fbclid=IwAR15iNZSZQSLNHmkqVM4GUJoNpipdnEvpv1C4rf3RW3Tpgq2t1--MKXE5R8

Children’s Grief & Covid-19

Covid-19 Grief Resources for Children
https://childrengrieve.org/about-us/news/208-covid-19

The Dougy Center School & Community Toolkit
https://www.tdcschooltoolkit.org/covid-19-resources?fbclid=IwAR1QUH8eM-3Vn5fEjZDM0MHSkjRhxvw_FbJBifIhy5h61yL01naAaYexuzQ

Grief Out Loud – Dougy Center for Grieving Children Podcast, Episode 139
https://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/grief-out-loud-podcast/

Pre-existing and Re-arising Grief

Reasons Your Grief Feels Worse Right Now
https://whatsyourgrief.com/crisis-grief-feels-worse/

Please Don't Minimize the Death of Older Adults
https://whatsyourgrief.com/please-dont-minimize-the-death-of-older-adults/

Grieving the Death of an Elderly Loved One https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-the-death-of-an-elderly-loved-one/

Refuge In Grief: Life Gone Sideways?
https://www.refugeingrief.com/life-gone-sideways/

That Discomfort You're Feeling Is Grief
https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief?fbclid=IwAR2e3uzXwy8S3Rk8lo8k-CdpzuEieG1Ek-lIkqg-rSPNdyWZuT59XWApuTE

There Are No Five Stages of Grief
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/28/style/self-care/there-are-no-five-stages-of-grief.html

Grief, Covid-19, and Missing My Person – Am I Normal?
https://www.refugeingrief.com/2020/03/25/grief-covid-19-and-missing-my-person-am-i-normal/

Trouble Focusing? Not Sleeping? You May Be Grieving
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/09/opinion/sunday/coronavirus-grief-mental-health.html

What the Newly Bereaved Should Know
https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-the-newly-bereaved-should-know/

General Grief and Mental Health Support

Grief Over Cancelled Milestones is Real; Here’s How to Cope
https://thriveglobal.com/stories/grief-canceled-milestones-events-coronavirus-wedding-graduation-celebrate-new-ways/?fbclid=IwAR26vQIPIrIvhgJNSfTc3zP16pfG8HmQ7m2HEVm8m7cfjVnzkeOLxgnSzFs

Taking Care of Your Mental Health During Coronavirus
https://whatsyourgrief.com/mental-health-and-coronavirus/

Talking About Death During Covid-19
http://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/talking-about-death-during-covid-19?fbclid=IwAR3YahzZjOWj1XZJaiPGWLBRAr_01VsFVB79qyFG3PSBJP43zne8ssIVgdg

Opinion: It's Time to Talk About Death
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/27/opinion/covid-end-of-life.html?fbclid=IwAR3N0sP3LbiDfCM4gfEDVrIzlUi7UOzATA_4d0eQqOcwmZXqGy5zdhETWDQ

How to Support a Grieving Friend
https://www.refugeingrief.com/helper-overview/

Complete Your Advanced Care Directives
https://getyourshittogether.org/checklist/
https://theconversationproject.org/

How to Make Your Estate Plan During the Coronavirus Pandemic
https://www.npr.org/2020/03/28/823071317/how-to-make-your-estate-plan-amid-the-coronavirus-pandemic?fbclid=IwAR35qBkmPv_x5nvStmCXl4v16ICHCc1t6S5r2BTSYkqWRAr9Au0GAO9xvnU

Mental Health and Coping During Covid-19
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/managing-stress-anxiety.html?CDC_AA_refVal=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cdc.gov%2Fcoronavirus%2F2019-ncov%2Fprepare%2Fmanaging-stress-anxiety.html

Dear Therapist’s Guide to Emotional Health In a Pandemic
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/03/a-therapists-guide-to-emotional-health-in-a-pandemic/608161/

Grief Relief Coaching & Counseling - Healing Concepts, LLC
https://www.healingconceptsllc.com/grief-loss-counseling-coaching

Writing Your Grief E-Course & Community
https://refugeingrief.com/writing-your-grief/

Covid Grief Network - free short-term grief support with a volunteer grief worker for grievers in their 20s and 30s
https://www.covidgriefnetwork.org/