Published using Google Docs
The Wack Pack 13 Point System
Updated automatically every 5 minutes

The Wack Pack 13 Point System

A minimum of 13 points is required to meet enough conditions to be in the Wack-Pack on The Howard Stern Show.  Rankings of several Stern Show regulars appears below the point system.

6 Points:

Has difficulty controlling bowels/poor toilet hygiene

Frequent uncontrollable or unpredictable anger

Has had sex fewer than five times in entire life

Has received money for sexual services or performances

5 Points:

Lives in government housing or with parents/family

Foul body odor

Frequent alcohol and/or drug abuse

Demonstrates extreme behavior in public for purpose of creating show material

4 Points:

Physical deformity/extreme physical handicap

Receives SSI/Unemployed (does not include retired)

Speech impediment or unique funny/annoying voice

3 Points:

Low IQ

Mental Illness

Questionable gender status

2 Points:

Hideously ugly

Calls show very frequently

Negative Points:

Has been married/Currently has spouse or significant other -2 points

Has not appeared on air in over 5 years (excludes the deceased) -5 points

Persons voted “yes” by staff:

Ass Napkin Ed 27

Beetlejuice 47

Bigfoot (Mark Shaw Jr.) 40

Bigfoot (Original) 6 - please not that this is the only wack-packer for whom the scale does not work.  There is no question that the original Bigfoot is wack-pack.  The scale simply cannot factor in the magnitude of his physical and vocal abnormalities.

High Pitch Eric 42

Crackhead Bob 25

Crazy Alice 16

Elephant Boy 25

Gary the Conqueror 22

Hanzi 37

Jeff the Drunk 19

John the Stutterer 19

Asian Pete 13

Nicole Bass 13

Riley Martin 28

Siohban 20

Underdog Lady 22 (17 if she has not been on air in 5 years)

Wendy The Slow Adult 33

Miss Howard Stern 20

Celestine 17

Cleft Palate 25

Blue Iris 17

Hank 47

Sour Shoes 25

Kenneth Keith Kallenbach 20

Eric the Actor 35

Jeff the Vomit Guy 18 (13 if he has not been on air in 5 years)

Tan Mom 15

Medicated Pete 29

Mark the Bagger 16

Persons voted “no” by staff:

Angry Black 8 (3 if he has not been on air in 5 years)

Bobo 10

Daniel Carver 0

Evil Dave 7

Iron Shiek 9

King of All Blacks 2

Mary-Anne from Brooklyn 9

Joey Boots 16 - This is the only person who is identified as wack-pack by the scale but is not wack-pack according to the Stern Show staff.

Yucko the Clown 0

Captain Janks 7

Ham Hands Bill 10

Gay Ramon 4

Speech Impediment Man 12

Melrose Larry Green (initially yes, then changed to no) 11

Persons not mentioned by staff:

Elegant Elliot Offen 24

Debbie the Pet Lady 20 (15 if she has not been on air in 5 years)

created by Russ Wishtart

twitter: @burnt_wick