The Wack Pack 13 Point System
A minimum of 13 points is required to meet enough conditions to be in the Wack-Pack on The Howard Stern Show. Rankings of several Stern Show regulars appears below the point system.
6 Points:
Has difficulty controlling bowels/poor toilet hygiene
Frequent uncontrollable or unpredictable anger
Has had sex fewer than five times in entire life
Has received money for sexual services or performances
5 Points:
Lives in government housing or with parents/family
Foul body odor
Frequent alcohol and/or drug abuse
Demonstrates extreme behavior in public for purpose of creating show material
4 Points:
Physical deformity/extreme physical handicap
Receives SSI/Unemployed (does not include retired)
Speech impediment or unique funny/annoying voice
3 Points:
Low IQ
Mental Illness
Questionable gender status
2 Points:
Hideously ugly
Calls show very frequently
Negative Points:
Has been married/Currently has spouse or significant other -2 points
Has not appeared on air in over 5 years (excludes the deceased) -5 points
Persons voted “yes” by staff:
Ass Napkin Ed 27
Beetlejuice 47
Bigfoot (Mark Shaw Jr.) 40
Bigfoot (Original) 6 - please not that this is the only wack-packer for whom the scale does not work. There is no question that the original Bigfoot is wack-pack. The scale simply cannot factor in the magnitude of his physical and vocal abnormalities.
High Pitch Eric 42
Crackhead Bob 25
Crazy Alice 16
Elephant Boy 25
Gary the Conqueror 22
Hanzi 37
Jeff the Drunk 19
John the Stutterer 19
Asian Pete 13
Nicole Bass 13
Riley Martin 28
Siohban 20
Underdog Lady 22 (17 if she has not been on air in 5 years)
Wendy The Slow Adult 33
Miss Howard Stern 20
Celestine 17
Cleft Palate 25
Blue Iris 17
Hank 47
Sour Shoes 25
Kenneth Keith Kallenbach 20
Eric the Actor 35
Jeff the Vomit Guy 18 (13 if he has not been on air in 5 years)
Tan Mom 15
Medicated Pete 29
Mark the Bagger 16
Persons voted “no” by staff:
Angry Black 8 (3 if he has not been on air in 5 years)
Bobo 10
Daniel Carver 0
Evil Dave 7
Iron Shiek 9
King of All Blacks 2
Mary-Anne from Brooklyn 9
Joey Boots 16 - This is the only person who is identified as wack-pack by the scale but is not wack-pack according to the Stern Show staff.
Yucko the Clown 0
Captain Janks 7
Ham Hands Bill 10
Gay Ramon 4
Speech Impediment Man 12
Melrose Larry Green (initially yes, then changed to no) 11
Persons not mentioned by staff:
Elegant Elliot Offen 24
Debbie the Pet Lady 20 (15 if she has not been on air in 5 years)
created by Russ Wishtart
twitter: @burnt_wick